Chapter Text
Claude Giroux opened the door to his teammate’s bedroom and took in the state of the room with a look of disgust on his face. His eyes moved from the many beer bottles that littered almost all of the surfaces in the room to the large amount of dirty clothing that covered the floor and then back to the take out containers that were stacked in various places. It was a cluster fuck, and that was putting it lightly. When he had been unceremoniously woken up by a panicking Brayden Schenn calling him that morning, he honestly thought that it was a big joke, another way for the boys to prank their new captain. Claude spotted the reason he was there in the first place. Sean Couturier laid passed out on the bed. His long ginger hair was flung in every direction.
“Okay, I’ll just do this quickly. It will be like a Band Aid. Quick and easy,” he muttered to himself before crossing the room until he was at the end of the bed. Without further deliberation Claude yanked all of the covers off of the bed. “COOTS! Get your ass up! Let’s go!” Sean startled awake, he looked up blearily at Claude.
“Why the fuck are you in my room? Fuck off!” Sean whined before rolling back onto his stomach and attempting to cover his head with his pillow.
“Oh no you don’t, I said get your ass up.” Claude said calmly, mentally beginning a count down from three like he had seen Danny do with the Mini-Brieres on many occasions. Sean made no indication that he was actually planning on following this order. Claude had tried being reasonable and that didn’t work so he might as well do it the way that he preferred. If Sean wasn’t going to get up willingly, Claude was going to force him to get up. Clearly he needed some assistance on that front. He made his way out of the room and towards the kitchen where he found Brayden and Luke Schenn sitting at the island eating impressive stacks of pancakes.
“Did you manage to get him up?” Luke asked before taking another bite. Brayden on the other hand was noticeably quiet. It was no secret that Sean and Brayden were close, after competing with each other for Team Canada in the 2011 World Juniors and then ending up on the Flyers together, it seemed only natural that the two would cling to the familiarity of each other. When Claude and Danny suggested the previous season that they get an apartment together it seemed completely logical, but that was eight and a half months ago. That was before the lockout and playing in the “A”. That was before everything went to shit.
“Not yet, but I will.” Claude said as he began opening cabinets. After finding what normal people would probably consider a lifetime supply of Gatorade, he finally found something that would suffice. He pulled out a large bowl and proceeded to move to the sink and fill it with water.
“What the hell are you planning on doing with that?” Brayden questioned, finally breaking his silence. Claude just waved his hand and continued the task at hand. Brayden sighed, “Just make sure you don’t ruin the walls or the carpet.” With that Claude nodded then turned off the faucet and carried the bowl of water out of the room. He carefully walked down the hallway back towards Sean’s room. Sean was in the exact same position that he was left in. Claude quickly dumped the water on Sean before backing away to avoid the now flailing and pissed off younger man. Sean jumped off the bed completely soaked.
“Before you start yelling, this is for your own damn good, and I gave you the chance to get up on your own.” Claude stood with his hands out in front of him as a kind of surrender. To his surprise, Sean didn’t look angry anymore, he looked miserable. “Sean, you know that we are all doing what we are doing because we care about you right? I know that you are hurting, I know that it sucks and you feel like it is the end of the world, but it’s not. It’s going to be...”
“What? Okay? It’s not going to be o-fucking-kay! You have no fucking idea what I am feeling right now.” Sean’s attitude had changed from miserable back to angry in a flash. “I had everything planned out, G. Everything. I had the ring picked out and I knew exactly what our lives were going to be like together. God, I was so stupid. All I could think about was what I wanted and what I had planned, I never thought that she would cheat on me.” Sean sat on the edge of his bed and placed his head in his hands.
“Hey, it’s not your fault that Laurence did that.” Claude replied sitting down next to Sean, attempting to avoid sitting in a damp spot. “You have to know that. You couldn’t stop the lockout, and at least with the Phantoms you got to play. Was it stressful? Sure, but that doesn’t mean that it was okay that she went running to someone else. And it doesn’t help that she hooked up with James Neal and he is a massive douche canoe.” That got a small laugh and a smirk out of Sean. Claude lifted himself off the bed “Alright, enough of this feelings crap. Go get in the shower and get ready to go.”
“Where exactly are we going?” Sean asked, standing and moving towards his closet to pull out some clothes to change into after his shower.
“We, as in you, me, Little Schenn, and Reader, are going to some school to visit kids today, so you should shave that hobo beard, that you are clearly not rocking so that you don’t scare the kids.” Claude narrowly dodged the shoe that came flying toward his head. “Alright, alright, I’m going to leave you to shower. You are capable of doing that on your own right? Because that is so not my responsibility as captain.” This time he expected the projectile object hurled his way, “fifteen minutes Coots! And don’t forget your teeth either!” Sean laughed and shook his head slightly as he made his way toward the bathroom to get ready.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean stepped out of the bathroom after his shower and made his way toward the living room where he could hear his team mates. He felt a little bit better after his talk with Claude, but he also thought that it was incredibly acceptable for him to mope around a little bit longer about the shit fest that his life had become. He was greeted by the laughs and smiles of four of his best friends.
“See Coots! I told you that the clean shaven look was the way to go. Now if only you would cut off that ridiculous flow of yours!” Claude chirped from his place in the arm chair. Matt, and Luke joined in laughing at their team mate’s expense. Sean smirked and played along with the ribbing. He plopped down on the couch next to Brayden and nudged him with his shoulder sending him a sidelong smile.
“So what do we know about the school?” Sean asked, trying to get some of the attention off of himself. It worked well enough, Brayden spoke up first.
“We are going to visit the Pennsylvania School for the Deaf,” he explained, “and we are going to be extremely late if we do not go now.” Matt and Claude stopped laughing long enough to actually get out the door and Sean pulled his coat on and followed them out with Brayden.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean let his mind wander once they got down to the car, letting himself drift in and out of the conversation that his team mates were having, earning a few concerned looks from Brayden. He turned to look out the window and watched as the buildings flew by. Sean had never really thought about what it would be like to be deaf. If he was being totally honest with himself, he never really thought about anything besides hockey. He threw himself into the sport with everything he had in him no matter who it ended up hurting in the process. But to not be able to hear? That would change everything. He tried to imagine what it would be like to not hear his team mates talking to him on the ice, to not hear the Doop song playing at the Wells Fargo Center when he scored a goal, or to never be able to hear someone saying “I love you”. Sean was broken out of his thoughts when Matt reached over and tapped him on the shoulder letting him know that they had arrived at the school.
Sean followed the other guys as they entered the school and made their way to the front office. They were met there by the principal of the school. Sean tried his best to stay focused on what the woman was saying, she was basically giving the generic speech about how wonderful it is to welcome them to the school, and how honored the school was that they could come to see their school. Sean caught a glimpse of something rainbow colored and turned toward the windows that showed the entryway to the school. He smiled when he saw a little girl skipping down the hallway, she waved to him when she noticed he was watching and matched his smile before continuing on her way.
Sean snapped back to the conversation when he heard his name being said pointedly. “What?” he chimed in trying to not sound like a complete and total idiot. He winced when he heard himself and realized that he failed at sounding at all intelligible.
“She asked you what grade level you wanted to visit today,” Claude replied, without shooting him the judgmental glare that he knew he deserved.
“Uh, any grade is fine with me I guess. I like the little kids though. They always seem to have fun.” Sean managed to get out and gave himself a mental pat on the back for that one.
“Well all right,” the principal responded, “If you like the younger kids we have an excellent kindergarten teacher who works here with us. So I think I will let you spend the day with Mr. Greyson’s kindergarteners. They are sure to brighten your day. Then Mr. Read, we will send you to the middle level wing with Ms. Kennedy, Mr. Giroux we will send you to fifth grade with Mrs. Stuart, and Mr. Schenn you will be with the second graders and Ms. Abbott. Alright gentlemen lets go.” Matt headed off towards the middle school wing while the other three guys headed to the elementary wing. Sean spotted his assigned classroom and headed over to the door.
As Sean stepped in the room he was at a loss for words. There were bright colors everywhere. The walls were covered in different pieces of artwork that the kids must have drawn and painted. Above the alphabet hanging over the board was another alphabet, this one using hand signs. Sean vaguely remembered the principal mentioning that they use sign language in the school. Then Sean looked around at the kids, there must have been about twenty three in the classroom. Sean smirked at the thought that there were enough kids to have their own hockey team. He felt a slight pull on his sleeve and he looked down and saw the little girl from the hallway smiling up at him. Sean dropped down to his knees so that he was closer to her height and waved at her. She in return started moving her hands rapidly in front of him. Sean froze, he had absolutely no idea how to sign or interpret signs.
“She said that her name is Chloe, and she asked what your name is.” A male voice with a strange accent said behind Sean, he spun around quickly falling backward in the process. Sean had been so preoccupied with looking all around the room and then seeing the little girl...Chloe, that he did not even think to look for the teacher. Giving himself a mental face palm, Sean looked up and was met by a pair of dark brown eyes looking concerned at him. Sean couldn’t resist looking into the other man’s eyes until he cleared his throat, Sean looked down to see that he had been holding a hand out to help him up. Sean blushed and took the hand.
“Uh...uhm...sorry. My name is Sean. I...uhm was told to uh come to this class.” he stuttered out. The other man looked a little confused before he nodded and bent down to be at Chloe’s level.
“His name is Sean. He came to visit our class today. Should we show him around?” the man signed and spoke at the same time. Chloe nodded eagerly and grabbed Sean’s hand before starting to pull him around the room.
“So you’re Mr. Greyson?” Sean asked the other man as Chloe led them over to the arts center.
“That’s me. You can call me Finn though. I’m only Mr. Greyson to my students.” Sean smiled at that.
“Finn,” he repeated, “It’s very nice to meet you Finn, I’m Sean.” he was met by the soft laugh of the other man, “Right. You already knew that though.” Insert foot in mouth and call it a day.
Finn smiled, “It’s very nice to meet you as well Sean.” The pair moved to catch up with Chloe when they noticed her waiting for them with an impatient look on her face. As Finn knelt down to check on his students, Sean took the time to look the other man over.
Finn’s dark eyes were framed by thick black Buddy Holly style glasses that complimented him perfectly. He was about five inches shorter than Sean with a slim but muscular build. His sandy blonde hair was cropped short and tousled. He wore navy slim fitting cords, a light blue v-neck sweater with a button up navy and light blue striped shirt under it. A navy bow tie and black oxfords finished off his look. Sean shook his head and wondered when the hell he had started noticing other men’s clothes and shoes. He decided that it would just be much easier to focus on the kids instead of giving in to his new found insanity.
Sean spent the rest of the day playing around with the kids and getting to know them. Finn played the role of interpreter for him. Sean could admit that he was a little bit mesmerized by how Finn’s hands moved so swiftly and elegantly as he formed the different signs, and if this caused Sean to think about what other things that those hands might be really good at, who could really blame him? As Finn interpreted, Sean also remembered what he had been thinking about in the car this morning. Although he had still come to realize how hard it must be to live without being able to hear the world around you, Sean had also realized something else. The kids all looked and seemed so happy, and maybe he was wrong. They weren’t the ones who were missing something, maybe he was.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean helped Finn corral all of the students at the end of the day when it is time for them to go home. He quickly realized just how stressful dismissal must be for teacher, but when he looked over at Finn he appeared calm and collected, that made Sean smile. That had become a pretty common occurrence over the time he spent in the classroom today.
Sean got hugs from all of the students before they left. Once again, Sean couldn’t seem to stop thinking about how wrong his perceptions of deafness were. When Finn walked back into the room he noticed that Sean had an unrecognizable look on his face. It concerned Finn in a way that it probably shouldn’t have with it being someone that he had only just met. He crossed the room to Sean and waved a hand in front of his face. Sean blinked out of whatever trance he was in with a blush and a sheepish smile. “Are you alright? You kind of look like someone kicked your puppy.” Finn asked.
Sean had no idea when he became so damn easy to read, but apparently he wasn’t aware of many of his personality traits that popped up today. Sean ducked his head and mumbled, “I’ve just been thinking about how different the kids were than what I expected.” When he looked up, Finn had a look of utter confusion on his face. This time Sean waved his hand in front of Finn’s face.
“I’m sorry. What did you say? I can read your lips when I can see them.” Finn said apologetically.
“What do you mean ‘read my lips’?” Sean replied making sure that he is now facing Finn so that he has a clear view of his mouth.
“It’s how I can understand what you are saying since you don’t sign and obviously I can’t hear you.” Finn pointed to the set of translucent hearing aids that adorned his ears. Finn is deaf. He spent the entire day with this man and he didn’t even realize. It wasn’t even an issue in his mind.
“I’m so sorry! I’m so stupid. You just kept up with everything I was saying today and I didn’t even think for a minute that you couldn’t hear me. Could I be more of an insensitive jerk?” Sean rambled in practically one breath. Finn laughed at that.
“Talking really really fast also makes it hard to read your lips. But you’re not stupid or an idiot. I didn’t clearly identify myself as being deaf, and it’s kind of nice that you didn’t see me any differently.” Sean had to smile at that. He still felt like a complete fool but at least Finn didn’t seem offended.
“I just. When I walked in here this morning I really had no idea what to expect. I don’t know. I mean I’ve never really thought about what it would be like if I couldn’t hear just because I always have. But seeing the kids and how happy they are makes me fell like an asshole for every thinking that...I had something that they didn’t.” Sean dropped his head when he finished. He felt a hand brush his shoulder and he looked up to see an unreadable expression on Finn’s face.
“Would you like to go grab a cup of coffee with me?” Finn blurted out, wincing at his own words. Sean just smiled and nodded.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The two of them wound up in some strange hipster coffee house that a friend of a friend recommended to Finn at some point in time. Sean was sitting in a booth that the barista, who had corrected Sean twenty five times about his title as barista and the correct names for the different sizes of drinks, swore were all reclaimed wood because that’s the main selling point to a hipster coffee place apparently. Sean and Finn had a nice laugh over that, and now he was trying to decide how to start the conversation. Luckily for Sean, Finn seemed to take the hint that Sean wasn’t talking first.
“So you mentioned that you had a big realization when you saw the kids today. Do you want to start talking about that?”
“Why don’t you sign when you talk to me?” Sean asked bluntly, completely ignoring Finn’s question.
“I...well...I guess I just figured that you didn’t need the signs. Some hearing people are really freaked out when I start signing and that is kind of the last thing that I want you to be.” Finn dipped his head a little self-consciously. Sean tapped the table in front of him to get Finn’s attention.
“I actually really like it when you sign. I like the way that you seem so comfortable with the language. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or stop doing it because you think I want you to.” Sean said with a hopefully endearing look on his face.
“Okay. So now lets play a game of twenty questions.” Finn was now smirking, Sean should probably have been a little frightened right now, but he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. Damn face for betraying him yet again when it came to Finn.
“Do I go first?” Sean asked, getting nod in return. “Okay...where did you grow up?” He asked playing it safe with the first question.
“I was born and raised in Chicago. Go Blackhawks!” Sean grimaced, drawing a laugh out of Finn before he finished. “It was kind of a big shock for my family when I decided to move to Philadelphia. My turn, what would you be doing if you couldn’t play hockey?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. Hockey has always been my life. My dad played when I was a kid and I wanted to be just like him. I don’t think that I could ever really do anything else, it’s all I’m good at. So, why did you want to become a teacher?”
“First, I am sure that you are good at many things Sean. You should never doubt yourself. As for why I chose teaching, it is complicated. When I was a kid, my grandparents insisted that I be enrolled in this prep school that everyone in my family went to. The problem was that it was a mainstream school filled with many closed minded people. I had an interpreter, but that only made me stand out more. It was horrible. I had this one teacher though, Mrs. Lane. She learned sign language so that she could communicate with me. She would sign as she taught the rest of the class. I will never forget how amazing it felt to just be able to be me. I want to make sure that I have that impact on my students. What are you most afraid of?”
“Mrs. Lane sounds like an amazing teacher, I’m sure she would be proud to see how you’ve turned out now. How you help your students. It’s incredible. Let’s see, I could take the easy way out and say clowns because they are creepy as hell, but you gave me an honest and real answer so, I’m scared that I’m not going to play as well as I did last year. I’m scared of letting all the fans, and my team mates, and my family down. They’ve all put so much faith in me, and I really don’t deserve them. You don’t have to answer this question if you don’t want to but, how come you can talk when Chloe can’t?”
Finn took a deep breath this time before starting. “You are doubting yourself again. For someone as amazing and talented as you are, you would think that you might have a little bit more ego. You just have to play the best game that you can, and leave it all out on the ice. As for me, I can talk because I was not born deaf. When I was five I had this group of friends from kindergarten. Sometimes after school, one parent would pick us all up and we would play. We were all just kids, playing around, sharing juice pouches, just doing what we thought was fun. The problem with sharing juice pouches is that germs spread very easily that way. At the time no one thought anything of it, but then my friend Andy got really sick. When he got to the hospital, they tested him and he came back positive for Meningitis. They were able to treat his, it went away without much damage. Then we found out that I contracted it. I wasn’t so lucky. I don’t remember how it happened exactly, but I woke up one day in the hospital and I couldn’t hear anything. I can talk because I learned to before I lost my hearing. I probably don’t have the greatest voice and I probably sound weird, but it helps to communicate. Most people who haven’t been around verbal deaf people just think it’s an accent. It’s unpreventable anyway. So, what’s something that happened in the last six months that really changed you?”
Sean had to fight back the urge to get up and pull Finn into a massive hug. He felt horrible, that such a kind and generous person would have to go through so much trauma. “Finn. I’m so sorry. I know that you don’t want pity and I won’t give it to you, but what happened to you, it just seems unfair.”
“Life is unfair Sean. But being able to deal with that is what makes you a better person. Now answer your damn question!” Finn laughed to let Sean know that the last part wasn’t serious.
“Okay. My team mates all know one version of this story, but their version is edited pretty nicely in my favor. I don’t really know where to start. I’m not sure how much you know about the NHL, but for the first half of the season we were locked out. I got sent down to the Flyers’ AHL team, the Phantoms. I really missed the Flyers but I was getting the opportunity to still play with my friends Brayden, Zac, and Harry. I was content. But I wasn’t the only person who had feelings in the mix. My girlfriend Laurence, sorry ex-girlfriend, was along for the ride as well. Things were going great between us. I really did think that we were happily in love. Then sometime around the beginning of October, Laurence realized that she had missed her period. She thought that she could be pregnant. I was shocked. We were always so careful, but I wanted this baby to come into the world and be loved. I decided to do the ‘right’ thing and ask her to marry me. But when I came home from the rink early one day to set up the proposal, I found Laurence in our bed with another man. Another hockey player. Pretty much my arch rival, James Neal. It turns out that she had been traveling back and forth to see him. The baby was his, not mine. I fell apart after that. I’ve done some things that I am not proud of, and have hurt some people that I truly care about. I think that it had a huge impact on how I now see my life plan. So, uhm, how old are you?” Sean had just spilled his guts to a man he hardly knew. This was not what he had planned for the day.
Finn moved around the table to Sean’s side and wrapped his arms around him in a comforting hug. This was somehow exactly what Sean needed. He could feel his dark clouds already lifting. “You deserve so much better than her. You really do.” He sighed, but switched the topic for Sean’s benefit, “I am twenty three years old. How old are you?
“I just turned twenty in December. I don’t know what I deserve right now. I haven’t felt as happy as I did today in your classroom in a very long time.” He took a deep breath, and then blurted out, “Can I come back to visit again?”
“Any time you would like to, the kids and I loved having you.” They continued their game long past twenty questions. Sean enjoyed every minute of it. He didn’t know what it was about Finn, but he found himself drawn to the other man.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
After that trip to the coffee house, Sean’s visits to PSD became a common occurrence. Once the short so-called training camp ended, if he wasn’t on the road for games or at practice, Sean found himself making his way towards the school. It got to the point where he even got his own ID badge in the office because he was there at least two or three times a week. When he couldn’t make it to the school, he found himself thinking about the students, and Finn. Somehow he always came back to Finn.
Just like that first day, Sean’s visits to the school always end with the two of them sitting in the same booth at the hipster coffee place drinking coffee and talking. The more time that he spent with Finn the more he felt connected to him. He had never felt like that before with anyone who wasn’t involved in hockey, even Laurence hadn’t managed to bridge that gap. If Sean was being completely honest with himself, he hardly even thought about her anymore. His thoughts now focused around four things; hockey, food, sleep, and his visits to the school.
His transition didn’t go unnoticed by his friends. He even managed to coax Brayden into epic NHL ’13 battles, and let Brayden win every so often just because Sean is oh so generous and Brayden’s on ice skills do not translate to the game, like they used to. He also began to make the effort to keeping up with what is happening with his team mate’s lives. When he got chirped for his hair by the entire Flyers’ roster, Sean rolled with it because he was just so glad to be back.
Sean was starting to finally feel like himself again, except for when he was on the ice. The team as a whole was having a hard time meshing. That much was evident when you lost the first three games of a season and couldn’t put a winning streak together. Sean tried to remind himself that they were only a month into the season and not out of the running completely, but he knew that with the shortened season every game mattered. Even when the team seemed to make a little progress, Sean felt like he was left standing in quick sand. He made horrible turnovers during games that led to goals for the other team. It’s after tough losses when he felt like he was responsible for the failure, when he felt like he could be slipping back into the deep dark pit that used to be his life, that he broke down and texted Finn. They texted occasionally during their time apart, but it’s usually limited to funny jokes that Sean heard in the locker room and adorable moments that Finn encountered in the classroom. But on the nights of a hard loss, Sean emotionally vomits through text message and Finn lets him, and responds with exactly what Sean needs to hear.
After an embarrassing 5-2 loss to the Florida Panthers in late February, Sean didn’t know whether he wanted to punch through a wall or curl up in a ball and cry. The latter is a feeling that he would never admit to anyone, except Finn. Sean tried to fight the urge to text him. He really did. But when he found himself alone in his room after passing up the offer to go drink away his sorrows with his team mates, he caved. He picked his phone up from the nightstand and hit the home button, he was a little surprised to see a text from Finn already waiting for him.
To: Sean
From: Finn
Saw the game. Sorry about the loss. Text me if you want to talk.
It’s almost scary how well Finn can read Sean’s face even when it was just a flash on television. They had only known each other for a little over a month. Sean let that slip from his mind as he typed out a reply to Finn.
To: Finn
From: Sean
We sucked out there. I was a fucking disaster.
To: Sean
From: Finn
You were not a disaster, Sean. You can’t blame yourself. Last time I checked, there are twenty five other players on your team.
To: Finn
From: Sean
They still played better than me.
To: Sean
From: Finn
That’s bullshit. You weren’t on the ice by yourself when those five goals were scored.
To: Finn
From: Sean
You’re right. But we still lost...
To: Sean
From: Finn
I know this isn’t what you want to hear but here it goes...you’ve lost games before. None of those games made you quit, and this game won’t either. Sometimes life sucks, but it gets better!
To: Finn
From: Sean
I want it to get better now.
To:Sean
From: Finn
You have to give it time. Every minute is a new minute, every day a new day. How you guys played tonight doesn’t have to effect your next one. That is if you don’t act like a total idiot about it.
To: Finn
From: Sean
Wow...I am being an idiot, aren’t I?
To: Sean
From: Finn
Maybe a little...but at least now you know so you can fix it.
To: Finn
From: Sean
Thanks Finn. It really means a lot to me that you watched the game tonight.
To: Sean
From: Finn
It was a real struggle for me, haha!
Sean smiled at that. Once again Finn had managed to completely lift his mood. They texted back and forth a few more times before saying goodnight. Sean was still buzzing after his conversation with Finn when he closes his eyed, unable to fight off his exhaustion any longer.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A few days later, Sean was feeling a little better about everything. The team had a pretty nice victory the day before against the Jets and were hoping to keep that momentum going against the Leafs in the next game. He had to admit that Finn’s words had stuck with him. He needed to look forward, harping over losses wouldn’t help him play better.
Sean was just tying the laces of his sneakers after practice when Danny came over to him. Sean had remained close with all of the Briere boys since he had moved out. Even when he was battling all of his demons he made sure to answer their texts and make sure that they were still functioning while their dad was far away in Berlin. He looked up to see Danny fidgeting a little while standing in front of him.
“Hey Sean, how have things been going?” Danny asked. Sean knew that Danny wasn’t too happy with his behavior during the time leading up to the season. Who would be? Sean himself was disappointed that he allowed himself to sink to that level. It made him feel ashamed, especially when someone he looked up to as much as Danny refered to it.
“I’ve been better lately. A friend of mine has been helping me deal with the stress of everything.” Sean replied softly. He didn’t want to talk about his mistakes with Danny, not when he had been trying so hard to be more positive.
“Ah, yes. Brayden mentioned that you had been spending a lot of time at that school that you visited,” Danny replied, “did you meet this friend there?” Sean was ninety percent sure that Danny knew the answer to that question, and he was wary of bringing Finn up to Danny, but he knew the older man would wiggle it out of him one way or another.
“Yeah. He is actually the teacher that I was placed with when we visited,” Sean attempted to keep his voice from shaking, “we ended up going out to get coffee after school that day and we have kept in touch.”
Danny gave a gentle nod like he was trying to decide what to say next. Sean was reminded of how hard it is to read the veteran’s face when he didn’t want you to. “And this guy...”
“Finn.” Sean supplied.
“Finn, right. So you get along well with Finn?” Danny asked, his expression still unreadable.
“He’s amazing. He really is. I mean watching him where he is most comfortable in the classroom is...just awesome. He’s so great with the kids and he just loves them all so much. And then he’s been helping me so much with internalizing stress and feeling better when I think I’ve played like crap. He’s also really smart, like probably rocket scientist smart. And he likes comic books, and he can go on and on about them for hours. I’ve never met someone who can do that about something besides hockey, but God he claims he is a Hawks fan...” Sean stopped his rambling when he saw Danny trying to hold back a knowing smile.
“He sounds great Sean. You should bring him around sometime, I’d love to meet him and I’m sure some of the other guys would as well.” Sean looked at the guys around the room. They’re like his family, but they are also crazy as hell. Claude was talking to Simmer animatedly, if Sean were to guess it’s probably about some television show that they both got hooked on because it was on Netflix. Max was walking around the room half naked, because he had been banned from hanging around fully naked after someone’s cousin-daughter-sister, whatever, walked in and got an eyeful. He noticed that Luke was engaged in a conversation with Bryz about God only knows what, but Bryz had actually started to draw a diagram to explain what he was saying. His eyes flashed to Brayden, the seemingly calm of the storm. Brayden caught him and held up his hand signaling that he would be ready in five minutes and that they could leave. Sean took one more look around the room before shaking his head.
“I don’t know Danny. All of this,” he said motioning towards their team mates with his hands, “maybe a little too much for him. It’s hard for him to read lips when there are a lot of people around and they aren’t looking right at him...”
“He’s deaf?” Danny asked and Sean nodded. He didn’t mean to leave that part out in his description of Finn, but he doesn’t even really think about it anymore. When he and Finn are together, it doesn’t matter. It has never really mattered to him. “Oh, you didn’t mention that before when you were describing him. Well maybe the locker room isn’t the best place for him to meet all of the guys.” He paused thinking, “What if we do dinner at my house on Tuesday, take out of course. We can invite a couple of the guys over, just hang around. I think it could be a really good opportunity for him to meet at least some of us. He’s got to know what he is getting into with you.” Sean raised his eyebrows confused at the last part.
“That does sound much better than just bringing him here. I think anyone hearing or not would be a little overwhelmed with this crowd.” Danny laughed at that.
“You’re probably right about that. At least dinner could be a semi controlled environment. So what do you think?” Danny asked.
“I’ll have to ask Finn, but that sounds good.” Sean thought that it actually sounded excellent. He wanted Finn to meet his other friends, the guys he talked about all the time. “Who are you planning on inviting? They’d have to know before we got there that Finn is deaf...that they need to let him look at their lips when they are speaking.”
Danny nodded. “I was thinking maybe Claude, Brayden, Luke, Matt, Wayne, and Jake. That gives us a good mix of crazy and sane. I will make sure that they all know that they need to be aware of what they are doing while talking.” Sean was about to reply when they were interrupted.
“Hey Sean, you ready to go? I’m thinking tacos and then crashing on the couch.” Brayden said. Sean couldn’t help but smile at that, those Schenn boys always had food on their minds, and nodded. He looked over to Danny to make sure that the conversation was over. Danny was looking at his phone, but looked up when he noticed Sean’s look.
“I’ll ask the guys and make sure everything is ready, even if Finn doesn’t want to come. We can all still hang out.” Danny said.
“Thanks Danny. This means a lot.” Danny waved him off as he went back to looking at the screen of his phone again. Brayden nudged Sean before looking toward the door and making a gesture that Sean was sure was supposed to convey how starving he is and that he needed tacos right away. Sean laughed and pulled Brayden out of the locker room and towards the parking lot.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
It turns out that Brayden was not only hungry for tacos in general, but very specific tacos. Apparently they were the best in the world, Sean still felt like a taco was a taco, but he also knew from experience that it is not a good idea to argue about food with a Schenn. Their ride there had been filled with small talk, mainly about what they did well on the ice last night and what they need to do when they play the Leafs.
Once they got to the restaurant, which had better have some damn good tacos because they had to drive all the way from the practice rink in Vorhees to what looked like any other taco place Sean had seen in his life. The words “El Zarape” hung over the door, that meant nothing to him but apparently a hell of a lot to a large amount of people. Sean could already hear the Mariachi music before the door was even open. The restaurant was packed, but it was Sunday and lunch time so that probably shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. The hostess brought them to a table near the back of the restaurant. Once they were comfortably seated, with their drinks ordered, Brayden wasted no time.
“So what were you and Danny talking about back at the rink?” Brayden asked pseudo innocently.
“Oh uh. Danny wanted me to bring Finn around to meet the team. He thinks that it would be a good opportunity, but I told him that it might be a little much for him since everyone is all over the place. Danny offered to have some of the guys over for dinner so that Finn can ease in. Maybe make him a little more comfortable.” Sean replied honestly, then added, “You’re invited to come by the way, I’d actually really like for you guys to meet each other.”
“Really? I thought that you were pretty intent on keeping him away from all of us.” Brayden said with a hint of an undecipherable tone.
“Why wouldn’t I want you there Bray? You’re my best friend and he’s my friend. Of course I want you guys to meet and get along. I just didn’t want to push him on you, and you on him.” Sean looked down, “I’m not sure that he is even going to want to come anyway.”
They were interrupted by the waitress coming back with their drinks and asking if they were ready to order. Brayden smiled politely and nodded, ordering both an order of tacos called “al pastor” and combo tacos. Sean gave him a pointed look as if to comment on the other man’s status as a bottomless pit, but ordered his chicken tacos when prompted. When the waitress left with their order, but not before sending a not so subtle wink to Brayden, the conversation continued.
“So you haven’t asked him yet? Do you really think that he will say no?” Brayden asked. Sean had to think about that. He wouldn’t blame Finn if he was against the whole idea in the first place. Sean still wasn’t sure why Danny had made such a big deal about Sean introducing Finn, they were just friends. Plenty of the guys had friends outside of hockey and they weren’t expected to introduce them. Sean snapped back to reality and answered.
“I don’t know. It’s not like it’s the end of the world if he doesn’t get along with everyone. I mean, we’re just friends. I think this whole formal introduction thing is weird.” Sean attempted to escape the sudden uncomfortable silence by taking a sip of his coke.
“You really don’t get it do you?” Brayden asked in a disbelieving tone, but when he was met by a blank look from Sean, he decided to drop that train of thought. “I mean, hockey is such a huge part of your life, right? Of all of our lives. It just makes sense for all the people in our lives to be a part of that.” Brayden looked away trying to keep Sean from questioning what he was saying.
“I guess you’re right.” Sean agreed. Before he can say anything else three plates of tacos were being placed on the table in front of them. Sean’s tacos looked far more simple than his friend’s, but again a taco is a taco. He noticed that Brayden had already managed to shove almost an entire taco in his mouth and decided that he should probably eat his before they ended up in Brayden’s mouth as well. One bite and Sean instantly knew that his initial judgement was wrong. These tacos tasted like heaven in a warm tortilla, but there was no way in hell that he was telling Brayden that. They ate their lunch with little more discussion and Sean managed to actually steal a taco when the waitress tried to flirt with Brayden again.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
When they got back to the apartment Sean headed off to his room while Brayden flopped on the couch ready for a nap after his feast. Sean laughed as Brayden wiggled around narrowly avoiding falling off the couch.
He keeps thinking about his conversations with Danny and Brayden. There was something that neither of them were telling him that was still confusing him. He decided that it was probably not all that important and settled in to finally text Finn. He froze, he had no idea how to go about asking. Especially not over a text message where he couldn’t see Finn’s reaction. No, that was not going to work. An idea popped into his head and Sean started typing.
To: Finn
From: Sean
Hey, is it okay if I stop by the school on Tuesday? I need to talk to you about something, and I miss the munchkins too.
Sean only felt a little pathetic about waiting impatiently, staring at his phone like it was his only lifeline. He set it down and started pacing, then stopped abruptly and wondered why he was pacing in the first place. When his phone buzzed and lit up he lunged across the room to get to it. When he saw that it was just a text from Caelan Briere telling him to watch a hilarious video about some Shake dance in Harlem or something non-Finn related, Sean nearly threw his phone. He was actually distracted by that thought when his phone buzzed again.
To: Sean
From: Finn
Sounds fine to me. Text me what time you think that you’ll be in. Good luck tomorrow, kick some Maple Leaf ass for me!
Sean smiled at the message, before realizing that he hadn’t even really asked Finn yet which would be a much harder task. He should have probably texted Finn back by now...
To: Finn
From: Sean
I’ll try to kick some ass just for you. I’ll let you know what time I’ll be in on Tuesday. See you then :)
After it was sent Sean desperately wished that he could take that damn smiley face emoticon thing back. What is he a thirteen year old girl? He flopped dramatically down on his bed, hoping that Finn didn’t think that he was a complete idiot. He was rewarded by a text back that caused a relieved smile to form on his face.
To: Sean
From: Finn
:D
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean felt nervous as soon as he woke up on Tuesday. They lost to the Maple Leafs the night before and he had definitely lost a little of the confidence that he had after his talk with Finn the other night. He was still trying to take the high road, and trying not to think about all of the mistakes they made. Instead, he was now focusing on freaking out about what Finn’s reaction was going to be when he asked him to come to dinner later. He groaned before getting out of bed and moving towards the shower, hoping that it would help him clear his mind.
It didn’t. At this point he was just happy that he wasn’t hyperventilating because that might be a little hard to explain to Brayden when he had no idea why this was happening. It was not like he and Finn hadn’t hung out before. The baristas at the coffee shop knew them on a first name basis and they didn’t even have to actually order their drinks anymore. They spent a lot of time together, Sean considered Finn to be a great friend, but what if Finn didn’t feel the same? Sean groaned when his eye caught the time on his alarm clock. He had to leave to get to the school in ten minutes. The time crunch allowed Sean to get dressed without being too concerned about what he was about to do. He managed to be out the door and in his car within the next ten minutes, and just like that he was heading off to the school that had quickly become his favorite place to be.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean made it to the school with about five minutes to spare before the kids were allowed to come to the room. Finn was buzzing around the room trying to make sure that everything was prepared for the day when Sean got to the room, so busy that he didn’t even realize that he wasn’t alone in the room. When he turned around and saw Sean he sent him a quick smile, which Sean returned, and then the crazy chaos of having twenty three kindergarteners in one room with only two adults descended upon them. He enjoyed every single minute of it though, he couldn’t deny that he had grown to love this chaos.
Sean chicken shitted out of asking Finn about dinner while they were eating lunch quietly in the classroom. He just couldn’t bring himself to risk pissing Finn off after the other man had just graciously split his peanut butter and jelly sandwich with him, because Sean had flown out of the apartment like a bat out of hell that morning, and forgot to grab something, that would be incredibly ungrateful. So he resigned himself to doing it at the end of the day after the kids left, that way if things went sour he could just make a quick break. Sean saw no flaws in that plan.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
After lunch, Sean found himself sitting in a tiny kindergartener sized chair surrounded by an abundance of crayons, glitter, and glue while a group of students used their creativity to decorate print outs of fish. He was still fidgeting with nerves, unable to fully distract himself even as the kids happily showed him their work for his approval. He needed a distraction and he needed one right away.
He grabbed a fish of his own to decorate and went to work. Sean took his time. Let himself get lost in the simple activity. He was so focused that it didn’t even really register what he was drawing until her heard a little chorus of giggles erupting from Miranda and Kenzi on either side of him. He snapped out of his haze and smiled at the girls. Kenzi’s smile was still beaming bright on her face when she started to sign.
That fish is silly. Once again a giggle erupted from the little girl. Her friend Miranda nodded in confirmation. Sean cocked his head to the side in confusion.
“She said, ‘that fish looks silly’.” Finn said as he approached. Sean jumped a little and his heart began to race at the sound of his voice. Damn those stupid nerves. Finn moved to stand next to Sean and looked at the offending fish.
“Silly? I don’t think so. I think my fish looks awesome.” Sean said jokingly, he looked back at his fish and the realization of why the girls thought it was so silly dawned on him. He could feel Finn tense up slightly next to him after he translated to the girls, he must have been seeing what Sean was seeing.
The fish in front of Sean was unique to say the least. Its scales depicted what was supposed to be a plaid print. Thick black glasses framed the fish’s visible eye, which Sean had to admit was way beyond his normal artistic ability, so his repressed feelings must have brought out the Picasso in him. But the thing that stood out the most about the fish, was the polka dot bow tie that sat proudly on the fish. It matched the one that Finn had worn the week before. Finn as usual was the one to break the silence.
“That’s some fish. Who would ever pair goofy glasses, plaid, and a polka dot bow tie together?” He said trying to lighten the situation up. Sean was not sure what the situation really was anyway but he picked up on Finn’s cue.
“I know someone.” He said with a sly smirk gracing his face, “But I don’t think his glasses are goofy, or his plaid and bow ties.” Finn blushed at that and ducked his head before looking back at Sean. They were broken out of their moment when a little boy named Josh demanded Finn’s attention and they both went back to what they should have been doing. Sean distracted, at least temporarily, from his proposal for Finn.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Of course Sean didn’t anticipate how quickly the rest of the day seemed to go. It felt like it had only been a minute when the students were already packing up and headed out the door. He was now regretting not just getting it over with earlier. Finn returned to the room with a smile on his face. Sean let himself take in Finn’s appearance, admittedly he was too busy using the kids to distract himself during the day and freaking out during lunch to have noticed what Finn was wearing. Finn still looked the same as he always looked to Sean. His eyes were still framed by his thick black glasses, which Sean liked to pick on him for. His golden locks were actually tamed today into a side part and slicked down. Even his outfit was what Sean would describe as quintessential Finn. His cashmere v-neck sweater, one of his large collection that Sean swore should be featured on My Strange Addiction, was a dark gray color today. Finn hads that layered over what appeared to be a purple checkered button down with a black skinny tie. Sean let his eyes drift down to notice the well fitting black slacks that covered Finn’s lower half and his simple oxfords. Sean liked the way Finn dressed, he thought that it fit his really nerdy personality, but he also knew that not a single one of his team mates would ever even consider wearing what he does. Even Claude who insisted on wearing a plaid suits and owned a plethora of pastel silk shirts wouldn’t. Finn looked polished and put together, unlike what he himself and his team mates looked like. Sean was snapped out of his thoughts about bringing Finn around to meet his team in this particular outfit when he felt a hand tap his shoulder.
“Hey. Did you hear me calling your name? You totally zoned out on me.” Finn said once he had regained Sean’s attention. Sean blushed.
“No, I didn’t. I’m sorry. My mind is kind of all over the place today.” He answered.
“Okay. Do you want to head over to the coffee house and we can talk all about it? You always feel better once you get whatever is bothering you off your chest.” Finn responded kindly. Sean appreciated the way that Finn knew what he needed.
“I actually was wondering if we could switch up our normal routine...” Sean said, when he received a quirked eyebrow from Finn in response, so he continued, “Danny asked if maybe you would like to come over to his house with me for dinner.”
“Danny? From the team? Are other people going to be there?” Finn didn’t look angry when he said this.
“Yes. Just a few other guys from the team. We have been spending so much time together lately, and I talk about you a lot apparently, and they are all kind of anxious to meet you.” Sean looked a little embarrassed when he said this.
“You really want me to meet them? Isn’t introducing someone from the outside world like a big deal with you hockey players?” Finn inquired.
“I guess so. I mean, I think that you are one of my best friends Finn. The team, they are pretty much my family. Hockey is pretty much my life, it always has been, but I like being able to talk to you and spend time with you away from that. But, I don’t want to keep you separate from it.” Sean hoped this would get his point across, but he still couldn’t read Finn’s face. Finn took a deep breath, trying to process what Sean has just said.
“Okay. If you want me to meet them, then I want to meet them. It’s obviously important to you.” Finn responded after a few moments.
“Really?” Sean asked hopefully, Finn nodded in response, and Sean had to restrain himself from doing a happy dance. He reached forward and wrapped Finn in a quick hug before pulling back with a smile on his face.
“So when are we supposed to be at Danny’s?” Finn said reading the clock over the door that says 4:30, wondering where the last hour went. Sean glanced at the clock and then back at Finn.
“He said around 5:30, but he lives out in New Jersey. It’s about a forty minute drive from here, but if you need to do more here before we can go, I can call Danny and tell him that we will be late.” Sean replied.
“I just have a math test that I need to grade so that I can put it in my grade book and send them home. You know, it would probably go much faster if someone else was helping me grade them...” Finn smirked. Sean sighed but agreed to help anyway, after all Finn was coming to Danny’s with him so he probably owed him big time.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
During the long car ride, Finn started asking more questions about who was going to be there. Sean had told him plenty of stories about all of the guys, but most of them had been about a prank they had pulled or that was pulled on them. He never really profiled what the guys were actually like off the ice.
“So you lived with Danny last year right?” Sean nodded, Finn continued, “Okay, he has the three sons right? The ones who always text you about those crazy memes and videos?” Sean had to laugh at that description of the boys. He nodded again. “But the boys won’t be there tonight, right?”
“No, they are with their mom this week,” Sean explained, “but that might be for the best tonight. Their crazy on top of crazy hockey players probably wouldn’t have gone so well.” That drew a laugh out of Finn, who was facing toward Sean in his seat so that he can read his lips.
“So who else did Danny invite?” Finn asked, Sean noticed that he was fidgeting. Sean reached over and grabbed Finn’s hand without even thinking, trying to help him be less nervous. Finn’s eyes moved down to look at their intertwined hands, but Sean didn’t notice. When he saw Finn’s eyes on him he began to speak.
“He invited Claude, Brayden, Luke, Matt, Wayne, and Jake. I think. At least that’s who we agreed on,” Sean answered.
“Claude, Brayden, and Matt came with you to PSD on that first day, right?” Sean nodded. “So they know that I’m deaf?”
“They know many things about you Finn, and yeah that’s one of them,” he paused trying to decide how to phrase what he wanted to say, “to me, it doesn’t matter. You’re still you and that’s all that matters to. I wanted them to know that.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, Sean looked over at Finn worried.
“I’m not mad at you, Sean.” Finn said finally breaking the silence, “I’m deaf. I have been for eighteen years. I’ve learned to deal with it, but you haven’t yet. I just don’t want them to give you a hard time because of me.”
“These guys aren’t like that. Once they meet you they won’t even care. Actually they’ll probably like you more than me and offer you my spot on the team.” Sean assured him, “Plus I’m pretty sure Danny has already threatened to brutally torture anyone who acts like an ass to you with his bare hands.” Both men laughed at that.
“Isn’t Danny like really small though?” Sean laughed in response to that question and nodded, “So someone smaller than me, who I have never even met before, is going to physically defend my honor. I like Danny already. Maybe I’m friends with the wrong Flyer.” Finn smirked. Sean let out a huff and pouted, this only made Finn laugh harder.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
By the time they made it to Danny’s house it was already 6, due to the large amount of assholes on the road at rush hour in and around Philly, frankly Sean was just glad that he didn’t get run off the road by an eighteen wheeler. Finn agreed when Sean said this.
They headed towards the front door where Danny is waiting to meet them. He gave Sean an apologetic look before turning and giving Finn a welcoming smile, and reaching out to shake Finn’s hand.
“Hi, you must be Finn. I’m Danny, I’ve heard so much about you. Come on in the guys are in the kitchen waiting.” Danny said in his best hostess voice.
“It’s so nice to meet you Danny, you have a really lovely home.” Finn replied politely before reaching behind him to feel Sean as if he was making sure that Sean didn’t just abandon him in the lions den.
“Oh, well thank you. You should see it normally though, it usually far worse when the boys are here.” Danny said before motioning for them to follow him. They did and when they entered the kitchen they were met by the stares of eight hockey players. Brayden, Luke, Matt, Claude, Wayne, and Jake were there as expected, but there were also two surprise guests. Sean froze when he saw Hartsy and Max, because he thought that the whole point of dinner was to eliminate the crazy in the meeting. He put his hand on Finn’s shoulder and Finn looked at Sean waiting for him to begin talking.
“Hey guys, this is my friend Finn. Try to not scare him off please.” The guys all laughed at that, and waved towards Finn. Finn waved awkwardly back. Then Scott did something strange and raised his hand. Finn and Sean both cocked their heads at him.
“What? He’s a teacher right? Permission to speak?” Hartsy, said directing his questions towards Sean. Finn couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that.
“Permission granted.” he said with a smile.
“Whoa! You understood me, and you can talk, but Danny said you were...OUCH! Jesus G what the hell was that for?” Claude looked pleased after slapping Hartsy upside the head, and Hartsy got the hint to stop talking. Sean tensed up and moved closer to Finn out of reflex.
“I read your lips, that’s how I could tell what you said. I’m still deaf, but if I can see your lips while you’re talking, I’ll be able to decipher what you are saying.” Finn said with a hint of humor, “And yes, I can talk and sign, all the better to chirp you Hartsy.” And that was all it took for the guys to latch on to Finn. Sean introduced Finn to each of the guys as they made their way around the kitchen before the group all assembled at the kitchen table. It took them a few minutes to get in the habit of looking at Finn when they talked and signaling to him when they were going to start, but they managed to do pretty well. If he did miss something, Finn turned to Sean and he explained it to him. Finn kind of enjoyed having his usual interpreter role swapped with Sean.
Finn struck up a conversation with Brayden over embarrassing habits of Sean’s. This shouldn’t really have surprised him, but he just realized how absolutely lethal his two best friends being together would prove to be.
“Oh my God, he did what when he was drunk?” he heard Finn say between fits of laughter, Brayden was in pretty much the same state.
“He just took his teeth out right in the middle of the bar and started talking about ‘less teeth, more tongue’. After that we managed to block Tumblr on all of his devices before he got any more ideas for pick up lines from there.” Finn was hysterical at this point and Sean wanted to curl up into a ball and die. The night after his first NHL hat trick had been pretty much a booze induced blur, and he was not proud of what he had said or done that night. He leaned forward and all but slamed his head into the table. This earned a comforting pat from Finn on his back even though both of his friends were still laughing at him. Sean heard the doorbell ring and Danny call out that he was going to get the food. Sean felt a little bit relieved that Finn and Brayden couldn’t laugh at him while they ate or they would choke and die.
When they were all seated around the table again eating their food, Sean let it all soak in. Finn was here with him and getting along wonderfully with all of his team mates. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, Finn elbowed him in the side and gave him a smile of his own.
After dinner, Finn somehow managed to find himself in a very strange debate with Hartsy. Sean wasn’t even sure that he knew how it started.
“Just think about it Finny. Falling down has to have some effect on people, why can’t falling down demonstrate someone’s high integrity and intelligence?” Scott asked again. Yeah Sean had no fucking idea how this conversation escalated to this point. Finn wasn’t giving Hartnell any room on this one.
“That is not scientifically proven to be true. That is almost like saying that someone’s hair color makes them a better hockey player.” Finn replied. This drew a groan from Danny, Max, Brayden, Luke, and Wayne. Finn may not have heard it but he could see the looks on their faces. “What did I say?”
“You’re talking to a team that has quite a few very talented gingers!” Claude piped in. Finn formed an incredulous look on his face, he had no idea how to respond. Claude continued, “I mean they don’t call me the ‘Ginger Jesus’ for nothing.”
“Please tell me that you are joking. Your talent doesn’t lie within your hair, you’re not Rapunzel!” Finn replied.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Off topic people. Lets stick to the falling down theory,” Hartsy cut in. The discussion continued a little longer and pretty soon Hartsy was talking loudly and waving his arms around to try to justify his point, Sean was reminded again of exactly why he didn’t want to invite Scott in the first place. Once Hartsy was on a roll though, it was impossible to stop him. That should be a theory for debate. An over animated move on Hartsy’s part ended up flinging a glass of beer all over Finn, soaking through his sweater. Danny was already moving over towards the cabinets to get Finn a towel, and Hartsy began to apologize almost immediately.
“It’s okay Hartsy. I know you’re jealous that I’m winning this argument and that you’re...well...completely wrong, but I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t dump beer on me just to distract me from the argument.” Finn joked, forgoing sign language since his hands were pre occupied.
“Oh shit Hartsy, need some ice for that burn!” Max chirped. Luke, Matt, and Wayne quickly added in insults of their own. Sean turned his attention back to Finn to make sure that he was okay. Finn gave him a knowing nod, before he started to assess the damage. He pulled his v-neck sweater over his head, then loosening his tie before removing it all together. His button down was wet as well so he decided to ditch that too, happy that he had worn an undershirt when he had gotten dressed this morning. He unbuttoned the shirt from the bottom to the top and then slid the shirt off his shoulders. Finn didn’t look up from the task at hand until he had removed all the articles of clothing effected by the spill. He was relieved when he saw that his undershirt remained fairly unscathed and that it was still able to be worn. When he looked up he was met my the unnerving stares of ten hockey players. He immediately looked to Sean for guidance to see if maybe he missed something that one of the other men said when he wasn’t looking at their lips, only to be met by an intense look that Finn could only place as shock. Finn had absolutely no idea what was going on and was on the verge of freaking out. Danny cleared his throat and everyone but Sean moved back to what they were doing before the spill, minus the debate.
Sean looked over his friend once more. When Finn had removed his long sleeve shirt with a collar, he revealed intricate tattoos of all shapes and colors that stretched and looped down his arms and wound up onto the sides of his neck. Sean was at a loss. He knew that Finn was looking to him for an answer and he saw him beginning to start freaking out so he closed his mouth and gently reached out a hand and traced the outline of the sugar skull that adorned the left side of Finn’s neck. Sean still had an indecipherable look on his face, but Finn was connecting the dots about what had suddenly shocked the other men. Finn didn’t really think about his tattoos as being offensive, but he also knew that people tend to have very specific reactions to them. Finn knew that the image he projects when in his work environment leads people to believe that he is very clean cut, and he is, with the exception of the large amounts of skin covered in ink. He looked back into Sean’s eyes and Sean dropped his hand and moved his attention back to his team mates, but not before giving Finn a smile that conveyed both his acceptance and curiosity. Finn blushed and turned away, once again very thankful that he had decided to wear an extra shirt today, because if the tattoos that were currently on display shocked them, they would have lost their minds if they saw the ink that was scrawled across his chest and back.
The rest of the night passed easily. Finn blended right back in with the guys and Max insisted on showing Finn all of his “sick ink”. Pretty soon most of the guys were yawning and bowing out gracefully stating their exhaustion. Finn allowed each of the players to put their phone numbers in his phone, and he put his in theirs as well before they all split in different directions. Finn made sure to thank Danny once again for his hospitality after he had slipped his jacket back on and was walking toward the door with Sean. Sean was still shocked by the ink that covered him, simply because Finn had always been so covered up. For Sean though, the ink didn't change how he saw Finn. If anything it had just made him more curious about the complexities of Finn that he was still discovering.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean drove Finn back to his apartment to drop him off. They talked about the guys a little bit in the car. But Sean had something else on his mind, and Finn tried unsuccessfully to avoid the conversation.
“So how come you never mentioned your tattoos before?” Sean asked innocently as he navigates the highway.
“I don’t know. It just never seemed like something important enough to bring up.” Finn said shrugging, “Do you like hate tattoos or something?” Finn asked nervously and began to fidget.
“No!” Sean protested then backtracked, “I mean, I’ve never really given tattoos much of a thought, but I like yours. They must mean something important if you chose them.”
“It was just another way to express myself when I turned eighteen I guess. I rebelled pretty hard against my conservative upbringing. It started out with a small tattoo of a mute button symbol. Then I just got really into it I guess. I never intended to have as many as I do now, but I like them. They are all a part of my journey.” Finn explained.
“So, more to come since your journey is far from over?” Sean asked. Finn grinned back at him, it was kind of awesome that Sean understands him the way that he does. They talked about anything and everything for the rest of the drive back to Finn’s apartment. Finn talked about the lesson plans he needed to complete, and Sean told Finn about a conversation that he had with his mother a few days ago which had left him thoroughly confused. When they finally reached Finn’s apartment building, Sean dropped him at the front door and promised to swing by the school tomorrow. Finn waved from the door and Sean headed home himself.
Sean was exhausted by the time he actually made it back to his own apartment. He fell into bed, still thinking of the brilliant colors and the lines of the designs that were etched on Finn’s skin. He allowed himself to fall asleep thinking about the other man, and if he thought a little about where those tattoos may lead below his abdomen, Sean blamed it on how much of an emotional roller coaster that the day had been.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
It had been two months since Sean visited PSD for the first time. It seemed like every free minute that he had was either spent in that classroom or hanging around with Finn. It seemed as if that night at Danny’s had become a bit of a turning point. He and Finn had now been hanging out even on days where he couldn’t make it to the school during school hours. They went to see closed captioned movies together and texted almost constantly. Sean hadn’t felt this good in a long time. He was just so happy that he had Finn as a friend.
After spending so much time with Finn and the kids, Sean started itching to be able to communicate with them on his own. He knew that Finn didn’t mind interpreting for him when he was in the classroom, but it could also take away from Finn’s ability to actually teach the kids which was more important.
It was more than just what happened in the classroom though. Sean felt guilty that Finn always had to read his lips. The other man had never complained to Sean about the fact that he had to be the one to adapt to the situation when they were together. Sean knew that it was exhausting and difficult to read lips all the time. When they were together relaxing, Finn shouldn’t have had to constantly study Sean’s face to understand what he was saying.
When Finn needed him most in a time of emotional stress, Sean couldn’t even let him express himself in his own language. They were spread out on Sean’s bed watching Lord of the Rings with subtitles, and Sean could feel that there was something off with Finn. He had been trying to let Finn bring it up, but in the movie the fellowship was fast approaching Morodor, and Sean couldn’t take it anymore. He reached over and grabbed the remote and paused the movie. Finn made a disgruntled sound before he turned and looked at Sean with a questioning look on his face.
“Why did you turn it off?” Finn asked, Sean could pick up the slight edge in his voice. It was subtle, but it was there.
“Finn,” Sean replied, making sure to look into Finn’s eyes, “What’s going on with you? And don’t tell me nothing because I know you well enough to know when something is wrong.” Finn moved to protest, but Sean silenced him with a single look. A look that conveyed that Sean was accepting no bullshit. Finn sighed.
“I got a call from my mother on Skype the other day.” Sean took note of Finn’s tone, and nodded to encourage him to continue. “She...she wants me to go home. To go back to Chicago. She said that I’ve wasted enough time rebelling, enough time being a disgrace to the family by being a pathetic teacher and living here in Philadelphia.” Finn choked out the words and Sean could see the tears welling in his eyes. He automatically pulled Finn closer to him and wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into the crook of Finn’s neck. He could feel tears coming to his own eyes as well as he listened to Finn let out a few sobs. He pulled back and wiped the tear tracks on Finn’s face with the pads of his thumbs. Finn took a deep breath before continuing, “She made me feel so worthless, Sean. So fucking worthless.”
“Hey, you’re not worthless.” Finn tried to duck his head, but Sean pulled his chin up gently. “No. You listen to me. You are one of the greatest people that I know. What you do with those kids is absolutely amazing. No one can take that away from you. This is where you belong, not in Chicago working some job that you absolutely hate because that’s what your parents want.” Sean took a deep breath, “You belong here. With the school, and the kids, and with...me.”
“You want me here?” Finn whispered, Sean nodded seriously, “I have no idea what you see in me. I am such a fucking mess. So weak...” Sean interrupted him.
“You’re so strong, Finn. And Brave. I’m thankful that you actually waste your time on someone like me, when you clearly are settling in the friend department, while I’m the reacher. You shouldn’t doubt yourself, you should know that you’re amazing.” Sean smiled at Finn to let him know that his words were sincere. Finn let out a little grin in response.
“I’m thankful for you. Thanks for making me feel better.” He pulled Sean in for another comforting hug, before snatching the remote from him. “Now lets watch Frodo and Gollum go all crazy over the ring.” He pressed play, and both men settled back in to finish the movie.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
One night a few days after that night at Sean’s apartment, the boys were all headed to the airport to catch their charter plane back to Philly after an away game. Sean could hear all of the craziness around him and wanted to know what it would be like to live in silence. What he did next would probably be considered offensive to the deaf community, and he would never tell Finn about it, but he had an idea. Sean pulled his fancy new Bose noise canceling headphones out of his bag. He positioned them carefully over his head and slipped into an almost silent world. It wasn’t that he couldn’t hear any sound, because he could hear some sounds that sounded far off and distant like he was underwater. Sean wondered if that was the kinds of sounds that Finn meant when he was trying to explain that his hearing aids allowed him to hear the shadows of sounds. Sean mentally slapped himself for that thought, even with headphones he still wouldn’t ever really understand how Finn had to perceive the world. Comfortable enough in his headphones, Sean began to look at the world around him. Danny would probably give him shit later for zoning out on the team while they were walking in the airport, but he had to try his little experiment. He told himself that he was doing it to see how Finn did it, admittedly Finn was also far smarter than Sean and had more practice, but Sean would be damned if that stopped him at this point. Sean looked at peoples lips as he passed them and couldn’t make any of the words out, he figured that maybe they were just too far away. He got his first hand experience of one on one lip reading when Brayden plopped down in the seat next to him on the plane. They usually sat together and talked or watched movies during the flight. He turned towards Brayden and waved. Brayden quirked an eyebrow at him before saying something...Sean couldn’t really make it out so he asked Brayden to repeat it. Brayden tried again and this time Sean thought that he said something along the lines of “why are you wearing your headphones?” Sean attempted to explain to Brayden, without screaming and disturbing the rest of the team, that he wanted to see what it would be like to lip read. Brayden didn’t slug him in the shoulder like he half expected, but he did give Sean a look that expressed how stupid he thought the other man was being. Brayden ended up falling asleep anyway, and Sean took the opportunity to see if he could read any of his other team mates’ lips. He soon found out how hard it was, and also that he was really truly terrible at it.
It was on that flight while struggling to read what people were saying, that Sean realized that he didn’t want to make Finn ever feel like that. He decided right then and there that he wanted to be able to communicate with Finn in a more natural way for Finn. He was going to learn ASL.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Claude, Wayne, Luke, and Jake were at Sean and Brayden’s apartment one day for what the boys had determined would be a fight to the death...in Mario Kart. Sean passed on their invite for him to join in, claiming that he was really sore from a hit he took the night before and that he needed to ice it. Sean knew that he probably shouldn’t have been blowing his friends off, but he had a night full of plans before they had shown up.
Sean had been in his room alone for almost an hour before Luke decided that it might be a good idea to check on him. He passed his controller to Brayden, they were chosen to share of course, because if anyone in the entire world didn’t know they were...wait for it...brothers, and left the chaos of the living room. Luke moved to the kitchen first and grabbed a beer for himself and one for Sean before heading down the hallway to Sean’s bedroom. He placed his ear to the door to make sure Sean wasn’t doing something that Luke absolutely did not want to think about him doing and then opened the door.
Luke walked in on Sean practically buried in books. Sean didn’t acknowledge his presence at first, so Luke closed the door and moved toward the bed. Sean looked up a little startled but calmed down when he saw it was Luke and gratefully accepted the beer being handed to him. Luke looked down at the books and picked one up looking at the cover, before sitting down on the bed and flipping through it.
“ASL. That’s American Sign Language right?” Luke asked Sean, still flipping through the book he had picked up. Sean nodded, still focused on the diagrams that he was looking at when Luke came in. “So, you’re learning sign language for Finn, right?” That caught Sean’s attention enough for him to look up from what he was doing.
“I just don’t think that it’s fair to expect him to just read my lips all the time.” Sean responded defensively, “He makes all of these concessions for me all the time, this is the least that I can do for him.” Luke was surprised by Sean’s tone.
“I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t learn, not at all,” Luke explained, “I actually think that it is pretty amazing and heartfelt of you to think about Finn and change yourself to make the communication barrier dissipate.” Now it was Sean’s turn to be taken aback. Sean knew that Luke was actually a really great guy. Even before he was traded to the Flyers, Sean was familiar with him through Brayden. That still didn’t stop Sean’s jaw from dropping a little bit. “Jesus, should I be offended that you are so shocked that I gave you a compliment?” Luke laughed.
“I just...I mean...I expected you to chirp me about this. To make fun of me. Any one of the other guys would have done that.” Sean said quietly. He looked down not wanting to meet Luke’s eyes.
“Yeah, well. Not many of them knew how bad you had gotten. I may not have witnessed it first hand, but Brayden did and he would call me distraught at four o’clock in the morning because you hadn’t come home, or you had passed out in a puddle of your own puke, or you had done something else that made him so upset that he was just unraveling. He would probably kill me if he knew that I was telling you this,” Luke paused and looked at Sean before he continued, “Knowing how bad you were in theory is something completely different then seeing it in person though. I think that after seeing what a mess you were in person that I held Brayden for two hours, don’t you dare mock us either, because I couldn’t understand how he held it together when someone he cared about was falling apart and not being able to do anything about it. If I were in his shoes, I don’t know if I could have handled it.” Sean could feel his chest squeezing tighter with Luke’s words. He never really wanted to think about the effect that his downward spiral had on those close to him. He had hid it from his mom and dad, but Brayden was with him every day and suffered because of it. Sean was broken out of his thoughts when Luke continued, “Anyway, I’m not saying all of this to hurt you, I have a point, I promise.” Sean nodded at that. “Seeing how low you were was hard, but seeing how going to that school and spending time with Finn has helped you so much. I know that you have to see the change too. I’m not saying that it was all on Finn, I know that you’ve improved yourself as well, but I think you owe Finn a hell of a lot,” This earned a grin from Sean, “and learning sign language so that you can communicate more easily is a great way to show him how thankful you are and how much you care.” Luke let Sean process everything for a moment.
“Holy shit Schenner, you just holy shit. I don’t even know what to say.” Sean’s brain was definitely short circuiting. “I know how selfish I was last fall. It was never my intention to hurt Brayden. It kills me to know how much it did. I’ll have to apologize a million times, and even that won’t be enough.” Sean composed himself, “And I swear that if I ever hurt him like that again, that you have my full and complete permission to hurt me by the method of your choice.”
“I’m going to hold you to that. I hope you realized what you just agreed to.” Luke said laughing before he turned serious. “You better not hurt him.”
“I promise that I’ll try my best.” Sean said, “I owe a lot to Brayden too. I think he’d probably kick my ass if I ever stepped out of line again. And Finn. He changed something in me. I felt so selfish for wallowing in my own self pity, when he’s been handed something so hard to deal with in his life, and has never let it get him down.” Luke nodded, encouraging Sean to continue. “It’s really important to me to show him that I appreciate how much he has helped me out. I don’t want him to have to work to spend time with me. I want to give him back some of what he’s given me.”
“So, you’re not just spending all that time in that school because you enjoy being in that classroom. You’re doing all of this because of who is there. You know that right?” Luke asked.
“I mean of course that has something to do with it. Those kids are so amazing. They manage to overcome everything that is thrown at them.” Sean replied.
“And their teacher has nothing to do with why you enjoy spending so much time in that school, and then going for coffee with said teacher afterward.” Luke hinted not so subtly.
“Finn is my friend, Luke. Of course I like spending time with him. And yeah, the whole sign language thing was inspired by him.” Sean said confused.
“You really don’t see it do you?” Luke asked incredulously. When he was met by Sean’s puzzled look, he elaborated, “You and Finn are more than friends.”
“What? Like best friends? Sure. I’d consider him one of my best friends, and I think he feels the same.” Sean responded. Luke face palmed, like actually face palmed and Sean felt like he must have been missing something obvious there.
“Not just friends. Not just best friends. Do I have to spell it out for you?” Luke responded exasperated.
“Not best friends either, more?” Sean asked and Luke nodded, “What’s more than just friends...wait...what? Like boyfriends?” Luke nodded again and Sean gawked at him, “It’s not like that. Like at all.” Sean sounded adamant, so Luke decided to drop it for the time being, but not before getting the last word.
“If you say so.” Luke settled in to learn the ASL alphabet, because why the hell not? Once he managed to master that, he dragged Sean out of the room so that he could have at least a little social interaction. Luke smiled when he saw Sean move over to Brayden and give him a hug. Then the chirping started back up and it was back to their own sense of normality.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean tried unsuccessfully to shake the conversation that he had with Luke about his relationship with Finn. He enjoyed spending time with Finn, that was not a crime, but for some reason that “If you say so” that Luke had thrown out there made him feel like it was. Sean cut back on his hours at the school for the next week, trying to clear his head, but after four days of sitting around the apartment in between games and practices he caved.
That was how he ended up sitting in the coffee shop with Finn on Friday. Sean had one home game left before a two week road trip. He had been thinking about asking Finn to come to a game for a while now, but had never followed through with it. He was afraid that Finn wouldn’t be interested in going, afraid of the rejection.
This time though, he was growing a set and doing it. They were playing the Rangers tomorrow and those games were always exciting for fans. Plus, it was the last time he would see Finn for two weeks, and he was only partially ashamed to admit that he was attached to him, and the thought of not being able to see him for two weeks was probably one of the worst things that he could think of. It was damn near unbearable.
Finn was giving Sean a weird look as they sat across from each other in their usual booth. “You alright? You spaced out on me.” Finn asked looking at Sean seriously.
“Yeah, just thinking about something,” Sean responded before quickly adding, “would you like to come to the game tomorrow?”
“Your game?” Finn asked and Sean nodded, “I’d actually really like that.” Finn smiled and Sean couldn’t help but return it. “What brought this on?”
“Well, I figured that since I have seen you when you’re working, it would be only fair if you go to come to work with me as well.” Sean replied, “Plus, you seem to be a lucky charm for me anyway, and God knows we need every amount of luck we can get with how we’ve been playing recently.” Finn gave Sean a little glare, and Sean laughed uncontrollably at that. Finn almost constantly reminded Sean that he needed to stop being so negative. They finished up their coffee and headed back towards Finn’s apartment. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at four. The game doesn’t start until seven but you can hang around and meet people and stuff.” Sean said before Finn got out of the car.
“Sounds good. See you tomorrow, Sean.” Finn said, reaching over the console to give Sean an awkwardly positioned hug. Sean thought it was nice nonetheless and waved to Finn as he went.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sean headed over to get Finn the next day. He debated on parking his car and going in to pick Finn up, but talked himself out of it and sent Finn a text telling him that he was waiting outside in the car. He received a smiley emoticon from Finn in response, and fiddled with the temperature controls to busy himself while he waited for Finn. He jumped a little when there was a tap on the window and he turned and was met by a smiling Finn who sent him a quick wave before opening the door and sliding in.
“Hey. You all set?” Sean asked getting ready to pull away from the curb, he stopped when he noticed that Finn was wearing an orange t-shirt under his jacket with a familiar logo on it. “What are you wearing?” Sean asked, unable to keep his eyes off of Finn’s shirt.
“The shirt?” Finn smirked, and Sean was incapable of doing anything but nodding. Finn in turn slipped his jacket off his shoulders and turned his back towards Sean. Sean gasped. There displayed proudly across Finn’s back was a large number fourteen with “Couturier” written above it. Sean couldn’t describe what he was feeling at the moment, seeing his name and number on Finn’s back. He hadn’t ever felt like that before. Not when he saw fans wearing his jersey when he was playing. Not when his family wore his number to support him. Not even when Laurence would occasionally wear his jersey. No, Sean had never felt that way when he saw someone wearing his name and number. He liked seeing Finn wearing the name “Couturier”, like it was branded on him. Finn turned back around and Sean automatically smiled easily at him.
“That is a very nice choice of shirt you have there,” Sean said trying to remain cool. Finn blushed picking up on something in Sean’s tone. He didn’t say anything, just turned to look at the passing Philadelphia scenery as they made their way toward the Wells Fargo Center.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Finn could feel his nerves getting worse as Sean pulled into a parking spot in the players’ lot. Sean smiled over at him before hopping out of the car. He was over to Finn’s door before Finn could manage to get the door open and Finn blushed as Sean opened the door for him and then closed it behind him once he was out. Sean smiled at Finn then put his hand on his lower back to guide him into the building. Finn felt some of his nervousness disappear when Sean touched him, and he couldn’t help himself, he smiled back. Sean lead Finn through a hallway and through doors that Finn was pretty sure he was not supposed to go through on account of the fact that there was a huge sign that said “Flyers Authorized Personnel Only”. Sean shook his head and laughed when Finn brought this up.
“They don’t mean you, Finn.” Sean explained, “They mean like reporters and fans. Only certain people are allowed back here, but you’re with me, you’ll be okay.” Finn nodded, then looked around the room they had ended up in. It was the locker room. He had seen enough post game interviews to recognize the wooden benches and orange stripes that lined the room, not that he’d even needed that knowledge to be able to tell that it was the locker room since all of the players’ jerseys were neatly arranged in front of their stalls, just waiting for the players to slip them on before they headed out to the ice. Finn was still taking it in when a few of the players walked in. Finn barely processed the arms around him before he was being pulled into a bone crushing hug by Hartsy.
“It’s nice to see you too Hartsy but I can’t breath!” Finn said lightly gasping for breath. Scott’s grip on him loosened immediately. “That’s better.” Finn replied, signing as well now that he had the use of his hands again.
“It’s not my fault you’re all...” Hartsy said motioning with his hands like he was trying to think of a word, “...delicate?” Finn rolled his eyes at this but still laughed at the description.
“I am not delicate. It’s not my fault you’re so monstrous!” Scott laughed now as well. He landed a light punch to Finn’s shoulder before waving and walking off to his stall to get ready. Another tap on the shoulder left him face to face with the Schenn brothers. Brayden and Finn had been texting back and forth over the weeks since they met at Danny’s, and had formed an easy friendship over their mutual appreciation for Batman movies, go figure. Luke however was a bit of a mystery for him. He had heard snippets about him from Sean, and he knew the whole back story about how he was traded from Toronto to Philadelphia in order to play with Brayden. Finn thought it was cool that they got to play together, but he also knew that a lot of fans were really pissed about Luke playing in Philly because of what they gave up to get him.
“Hey Finn.” Brayden broke the silence first, “How have you been doing? Sean didn’t tell me that he was making you come to a game.”
“Well, I had to come and see what you animals do for work in person.” Finn joked. Brayden laughed at that, and Finn thought that he might have gotten a tiny smile out of Luke. “So what have the two famous Schenn brothers been up to?” This seemed to break the ice a little with Luke.
“Brayden here has been talking incessantly about the pros and cons of the Christopher Nolan Batman movies...thanks for that by the way.” Luke replied, drawing a scoff from Brayden, which caused both Finn and Luke to start laughing hysterically. Brayden just walked away from them trying to escape before he got anymore ribbing from the two of them and headed off to get ready.
“I’m sorry that my love of Batman has begun to infiltrate your brother.” Finn said trying to maintain the joking tone of the conversation.
“No problem. Honestly, I’m just glad that it is Batman that he is fixating on and not something worse. He’s my kid brother and I love him, but he can be really serious and intense sometimes.” Luke replied.
“Really? He always seems so happy-go-lucky all the time.” Finn said a little surprised.
“Yeah, he’s kind of really good at hiding it behind that insanely goofy face, but his attitude can flip super quickly. Kind of like Sean’s.” Finn nodded at that, he had seen little flashes of how Sean could be flying high happy and then suddenly drop to thinking that he was worthless. “Hey, I should probably go get ready, but we should hang out sometime, get to know each other a little better.”
“I would like that.” Finn replied to Luke, and then let him go to do his pre-game ritual. Finn watched as a few people that he’d never met before greeted Sean with a few words and waved before moving off to their own stalls. He turned to look at Sean about to ask him where he should go, when he saw that Sean was talking to a couple of girls. He made his way over to Sean anyway, figuring that it was Sean who invited him to come in the first place. When he reached Sean, all three of the girls turned and smiled at him.
“Hey Finn, there you are.” Sean said turning to face him, “I want to introduce you to some people.” He looked like he was looking for some kind of reaction so Finn nodded at him. Sean seemed to accept this and continued. “This is Erin, Gina, and Ryanne. You are going to sit with them during the game.”
“It is very nice to meet you all,” Finn said with a polite smile, he was still not exactly sure how these girls fit into the picture, “forgive me, but how do you guys know Sean?” He said, trying to hide his sudden irrational flare of jealousy. This drew a laugh from all of the girls, and Finn couldn’t help but blush and think that he was missing something.
“My boyfriend is Matt Read,” the brunette Sean had identified as Erin explained, “I believe that you’ve met him right?” Finn stopped himself from actually face palming, he couldn’t believe that he was jealous over these girls knowing Sean. Of course they were wives and girlfriends. Finn smiled at Erin.
“Oh yes, I do know Matt.” Finn replied, “Although I must say, I’m surprised that he managed to snag someone as beautiful as you.” This drew a blush and a giggle out of Erin. He could feel Sean stiffen a little at his side but ignored it as he focused his attention on the girls. “So, you girls are also dating players?” Finn asked Gina and Ryanne.
“Yes. I don’t think that you have met my boyfriend yet though. I’m dating Zac Rinaldo.” Gina pointed somewhere behind Finn and he turned to see where she was pointing, he was met by the sight of a feisty Italian who looked like he was all eyebrows, Finn could tell even without hearing what he was saying that he was spiritedly chirping someone. He turned away from the chaos ensuing and looked back at Gina.
“He seems...interesting.” Finn said with extreme caution, the last thing he wanted to do was offend someone who he was going to have to sit with for the next three hours. But much to his surprise, Gina just laughed.
“He is an idiot.” Gina said still laughing, “But he is my idiot. You’ll see during the game.” Gina winked at him. He laughed too and then looked at the final girl, the one who Sean referred to as Ryanne.
“And I’m dating Claude Giroux.” She explained and threw him a sweet smile and Finn had to ask himself if it was possible for anyone to hate her. She just looked so sweet.
“I am so sorry. It must be horrible dealing with that absolute monster.” Finn said cheekily, he got a towel thrown at him from the direction of Claude for that comment, but it seemed to be the final straw that the girls needed to attach themselves to Finn. The girls started to make their way toward the door to head out and let the guys get ready. Finn turned around to say goodbye to Sean.
“You’re going to be okay with them right?” Sean asked concerned. He hadn’t asked Finn how he would feel about sitting with the girls and despite Finn’s ability to befriend everyone apparently, Sean was still a little worried.
“I’ll be just fine, Sean.” Finn replied, he pulled Sean into a quick hug. “You are going to do great. Score a goal for me.” He pulled back, and Sean nodded. Finn waved once as he headed off to catch up with the girls. Sean shook his head and managed to somehow actually get ready for the game.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The girls and Finn decided to go grab something to eat since the guys wouldn’t even be coming out to the ice for warm ups for another two hours. They had decided to head over to the Spectrum Grill since it was already in the sports complex. They settled down at a table and it didn’t take long for the interrogation to start.
“So,Finn, how long have you known Sean?” Ryanne asked attempting to be subtle before taking a sip from her drink.
“I guess it has been about two months now.” Finn replied easily, he knew exactly what Ryanne was getting at and he figured that it would be best to just answer their questions until they realized that he wasn’t all that interesting.
“You guys met when he was visiting a school right?” Erin asked, “I think Matt went with him on that trip, but he was in a higher grade level.”
“Yeah, Sean was actually placed in my classroom. We went out for coffee after the kids left that day, and we have been talking ever since.” Finn said, thinking back over the past two months of his life that were invaded by a certain toothless ginger.
“Your classroom?” Gina piped in now, “You’re a teacher?” Finn nodded in affirmation to both of her questions. “Oh, that is so awesome! What grade do you teach?”
“I teach kindergarten.” That earned him excited looks from all of the girls. That shouldn’t have surprised him. Everyone loved kids at that age, they were still sweet and adorable before they got a little bratty.
“But...” Ryanne started before she stopped herself. Finn could see the guilty look that crossed her face almost immediately, and he knew exactly what she had been about to say.
“But I’m deaf.” He finished for her. Suddenly all three girls were fascinated by the table. “Look, you don’t have to feel guilty for wondering. I’ve gotten asked a lot worse.” The girls managed to actually look at Finn now. “I actually teach at the Pennsylvania School for the Deaf, so all of my students are deaf and I sign to them when I teach.”
“That’s amazing.” Erin replied, “You’re kind of awesome, Finn. Has anyone ever told you that before?” Finn blushed and ducked his head, “So you and Sean are still able to communicate well right?”
“I mean it is difficult sometimes. He doesn’t sign and he can’t understand sign language either.” Finn replied honestly, “But, I wouldn’t trade getting to talk with him and hang out with him just because he doesn’t.”
“That’s so sweet.” Gina said after Finn finished. The girls gushed a little more about Finn and Sean, but offered up their own stories about how they met their boyfriends as they ate as well.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The four of them headed back over to the Wells Fargo Center after they finished with their food.They made it there with a few minutes to spare before the guys were supposed to take to the ice. There were already too many people crowded around the glass for warm ups, and the girls decide to not take the chance of being recognized, so instead they made their way to their seats before warm ups started. Finn and the girls were sitting in the stadium seats and not a family box. Finn was incredibly grateful about this for two reasons. One, he had never really understood the allure of box seats at sporting events when the atmosphere was so much better in the stands with the other fans. Two, because meeting the girls went well, but he wasn’t sure that it would go as well with any of Sean’s other team mates’ family members.
Finn watched intently as the players began to take the ice. The Rangers players skated out onto the ice first. Finn silently cursed Rick Nash in his head for those two goals that he had scored against the Flyers the last time the two teams had met up. He then focused his attention on the orange jerseys that were now flooding the ice. His eyes searched for the white number fourteen on the back of an orange jersey on the ice. When he found it he couldn’t help but smile widely. Finn could already feel his excitement spreading.
Finn chatted with the girls for the rest of warm ups, at least when he could manage to pry his eyes away from Sean’s tall and lean form on the ice. Before he knew it, the game was about to start. He watched as the players got into position for the first face off and then the puck dropped.
The game was a lot of back and forth, which was to be expected from these two teams. Finn spent the majority of the first fifteen minutes of the game on the edge of his seat, his eyes were trained on the actions occurring on the ice. Sean was playing well. Probably better than any time Finn had watched him play on television if he was being honest.
With two minutes left in the first period, the Rangers gave away the puck and Sean captured it and was skating quickly up the side of the ice, then he sent a perfect pass to Matt right to the middle shooting lane, and Matt buried it in the back of the net, lighting the lamp for the first time that night. Finn could feel the energy in the building intensify. The Flyers had drawn first blood.
With less than thirty seconds left in the first, another turnover lead to Sean having a great breakaway opportunity. He deked once, twice and sent the puck flying top shelf past Lundqvist for a two goal lead. Finn couldn’t contain his excitement and jumped out of his seat automatically. The girls were shaking him and hugging him. In the midst of his excitement, Finn finally found some words.
“He did it! He broke his scoring drought!” Finn signed as he talked without even thinking. His hand gestures drew the attention of some of the other people in the section. Finn didn’t notice right away, because he was still riding the high of his friend scoring and the first period ending. What he did notice was that Ryanne had gone quite still next to him. He looked over at her and then at the other girls and that was when he noticed that something was off. Gina was yelling at a flailing middle aged man who clearly was more than a little intoxicated. He was facing Finn’s direction, so Finn focused and tried to catch some of what he was saying. He was able to pull the words “deaf” and “freak” out of the words that the man was spewing. The words stung. Finn couldn’t deny that. But he had had some pretty horrible things said to him and about him over the past eighteen years. The words only fueled Finn’s anger. He had never been one to let others fight his battles.
“Do you have a problem?” Finn asked the man in the most polite tone he could manage considering how angry he was becoming. By now they had drawn the attention of everyone in their section, which Finn now seemed to realize was filled with many more people who currently shared the man’s state of intoxication.
“Yeah. We have a problem. Freaks like you shouldn’t be allowed in a place like this. We don’t want any of your gang sign made up language.” The man snarled. Finn could see other people nodding in agreement, he also knew that they were probably all vocalizing their opinion too. Ryanne was still frozen in the seat to his left, but Erin and Gina had begun their own arguments with other people around them who had begun to heckle Finn.
“I am not throwing up gang signs, you ignorant prick. It is an actual language.” Finn replied cooly, figuring that if this guy was being such an ass, he didn’t deserve Finn’s well behaved private school manners.
“What did you just call me you little fucker?” The man’s face was turning the same color red as the Rangers uniform bottoms.
“I called you an ignorant prick. Do you need me to repeat it for you again? I thought I was the one who was deaf!” Finn goaded. The whole gang signs thing was taking it just a little bit too far for Finn’s tolerance zone. Usually he could deal with bigoted bullshit slurs thrown at him, but tonight was supposed to be centered around watching Sean play and cheering him on. It was supposed to be a nice night, and this dick wad was ruining that. Finn started counting to ten and tried to calm himself down. The players were back on the ice and ready to start the second period. He sent one final remark, “Fuck off and watch the game will you?”
The man did not take this advice. In fact the group of about ten people in the section who had been supporting the man didn’t take that advice either. They all begun mocking and tormenting him. Finn tried to stay positive, he told himself over and over again that they were ignorant and that in the grand scheme of things they didn’t matter.
The drunkards only got worse throughout the second period and into the third. He made it about four minutes into the third before he all but broke. He knew that egging the other man on earlier had only set fire to the situation. He let the man know exactly how to get under his skin and that was what everyone was doing now. He could tell that Gina had really had enough because she was clenching and unclenching her fists as if she was about to personally introduce the whole section to them. Finn didn’t want her to do that and find herself in trouble. He had lost all of the fight that he had left in him. There were some battles that you just couldn’t win and Finn knew that this was one of them.
Finn grabbed her arm and pulled her attention towards him. He didn’t even have to verbalize what he was thinking for Gina to get it. Finn needed to get out of there right now. Gina motioned for Erin and Ryanne, who was still silent and robot like to grab their things and head out. Gina and Erin held tightly to Finn’s arms and Ryanne followed as they made their way from the angry crowd. Finn was grateful that he couldn’t hear what those people were saying because even though they tried their best to hide it, he could feel Gina and Erin flinch at some of the comments.
They made their way down towards the family lounge to wait for the game to be over. Finn took a seat on one of the couches and pulled his knees up to his chest like he was a small child. The girls sat there without saying anything to Finn, figuring that it was probably best to just let him sit there and process everything that had happened until they could get Sean in here. At a time like this, that was exactly who Finn needed comforting him.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The game ended in an exhilarating 5-4 victory over the Rangers. Their third period had nearly been a disaster, typical Flyers style, allowing four goals from the Rangers and narrowly managing to squeeze three dirty goals in themselves. It was a narrow victory at that, but two points was two points, and the Flyers definitely needed all the points they could get right now in the standings. Sean could feel the electricity surging through his veins. He finished the game with one goal and four assists, the comeback from the sophomore slump that Flyers fans had been desperately waiting for. He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face, even more so when he realized that the person he really wanted to share this with was in the same building as him. He was eager to get into that family lounge to see Finn, but his name was on the board for interviews.
Sean felt like he was moving at super speed. He finished up with the reporters quickly, giving them a few memorable sound bites among the regular generic responses that all of his team mates had been giving lately. By the time he was showered and getting dressed, most of the guys were ready to head out. He received more congratulatory comments and shoulder taps from them as they went. Max pestered him about joining him and some of the boys, who were headed to some trendy bar that Max had been hammering on about for the better part of the past two weeks. He denied him politely, telling Max that he already had plans with Finn. That seemed to get Max off his back, and allowed Sean to finish getting ready to go.
If Sean expected to be met with an excited Finn, he was dead wrong. Instead he was met by the sight of a distraught Finn who had managed to curl himself into as small of a ball as possible on one of the couches. He could see both Gina and Erin’s concerned faces from where they stood with Zac and Matt respectively. Sean ignored them and rushed over to where Finn was. He dropped to his knees in front of Finn. He was shocked when he looked into Finn’s eyes and they looked hollow. Finn seemed to snap out of his trance when Sean ran a soothing hand down the side of his face. Sean was pretty sure that Finn was going to flinch away from him, but instead he flung himself forward into Sean’s arms. Sean held him against his chest and rubbed soothing shapes into his back trying to calm the other man. He pulled back and looked at Finn again.
“Do you want me to take you home?” Sean asked, and was rewarded with a nod from Finn. Sean carefully extracted himself from Finn and stood up before helping Finn up and wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Without a word to any of his team mates that were still hanging around, Sean leads Finn out the door and towards his car.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The drive to Finn’s apartment was made in silence. Sean looked over at Finn as frequently as he could without crashing his car. Finn wasn’t trembling anymore, his demeanor could now be described as a stony indifference. This scared Sean more than seeing Finn curled in a ball again would. Sean knew what came after stony indifference, he had mastered it himself. Caused the maximum damage to those around him with his anger because of it.
When they arrived at Finn’s apartment building, Sean parked the car without even asking Finn. He had barely made it out of his side of the car before Finn had gotten out of his side, slammed the door, and begun trudging towards the apartment lobby’s doors. Sean hurried to keep up with him. They were still silent as they took the stairs up to the sixth floor where Finn’s apartment was, Sean’s legs were crying out in protest at him for taking the stairs when there were perfectly good elevators available, but Finn was calling the shots right now.
Sean almost expected Finn to close the door in his face when they actually made it to his apartment, but was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t. Sean closed the door behind himself and took in the sight before him. Sean realized that he hadn’t ever been inside Finn’s apartment before. Usually when he came to pick Finn up, they met outside, most times with Sean staying in his car. The apartment was quintessentially Finn, flawlessly blending clean cut lines with rebellious touches. He let his eyes sweep across the living room. The walls were dark grey, there was a wall of windows to his left with doors that lead out to a balcony, dark hardwood covered the floors, and there was a sophisticated looking black leather couch positioned in the middle of the room. The apartment was much nicer than Sean’s and he had only seen the living room. He thought back to what he knew about Finn’s childhood. That he grew up in Chicago, in the Lincoln Park area, and that his grand parents’ house was more of an estate than an actual house. Sean hadn’t ever really thought about Finn’s finances. He had never had much reason to, but as he made his way past what could only be described as a sleek kitchen and deeper into the apartment to find Finn, he did. He thought about how much he still didn’t know about Finn. His thoughts were cut short when Sean reached a door and looked inside to see Finn sitting on the edge of his bed. Sean stood in the doorway, not sure if he should approach him or not.
Finn didn’t appear to be startled in the slightest when he looked up and saw Sean standing in his doorway. Sean took this as a sign that it was okay to move closer. He stood in front of Finn. “Finn,” he started hesitating slightly, “what happened tonight?”
“You know, I have never once cared that you don’t sign. That I have to read your lips to understand what you are saying. But I have to say that I have never experienced something so infuriating as what I am with having to read your lips right now.” Finn spat out with venom in his voice. Sean was taken a back. Clearly, he knew it was hard for Finn to read lips, he wouldn’t be trying to master sign language in his free time if he hadn’t. “What? You’re not going to say anything now?” Finn said louder this time. Sean could feel his anger begin to bubble, he knew rationally that he shouldn’t be mad at Finn. That something really bad must have happened tonight that caused this switch to flip in Finn. To cause this angry side that he had never seen before. But that was the rational part of Sean, the irrational part of Sean only interpretted the facts that someone was yelling at him for something that was not his fault.
“What do you want me to say, Finn?” Sean retorted angrily, “Or is that just it? You don’t want me to say anything!” Sean could practically see the fire burning brighter in Finn’s eyes with every word he said.
“I want you to care enough about me to learn to speak without words! Dammit Sean!” Finn was all out screaming at this point. Unable to control his anger and frustration. He was standing now, hands balled into fists and looking up at Sean.
“You really think that I don’t care?” Sean said in complete and utter disbelief. Finn turned his head away from him. Sean stepped forward and grabbed Finn’s face so that he was forced to look at him. “Do you think that lowly of me Finn? That I don’t consider how hard it is for you. That I don’t think about it every single day?” Finn had an unreadable look on his face. Sean wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Finn pushed back from Sean suddenly and with a force Sean wasn’t exactly expecting from the smaller man.
“You don’t understand what you are saying right now Sean. You have no idea what it all means.” Finn backed away even further and just shook his head. When he finally did look back at Sean, there were tears welling in the corners of his eyes.
“I understand what it means to care for someone, Finn. I am capable of some basic human emotions.” Sean said condescendingly. He didn’t understand why Finn was treating him like a child right now. Like he had no idea what was even going on. Sean considered himself very self aware, dammit.
“That’s not what I mean.” Finn replied, dropping the sign language. His tone was exasperated. His fury was gone and was replaced by a broken Finn. Sean was about to reply, but was instead taken off guard by Finn surging towards him and pulling him down, in order to connect their lips. Finn’s lips moved against his slowly, but Sean felt as if he was paralyzed. Sean’s mind was starting to work overtime. He couldn’t ignore the spark that he felt now that Finn’s lips were on his own, but he wasn’t gay. This wasn’t happening. Finn pulled away slowly, sensing that Sean wasn’t about to start responding anytime soon. He looked carefully at Sean’s face, trying to read the younger man’s expression. He looked like someone had just kicked his puppy, or melted down his favorite action figure right in front of him just to make him sad. It crushed Finn.
Sean was overcome by feelings. His emotions were all over the place. Happiness from scoring his first goal in two months and winning the game, concern from when he saw Finn curled up in the lounge, and anger from their argument. And something else that he just couldn’t place. Sean had never been good with dealing with feelings. So he did something that he in contrast does very well.
He ran.