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Merlin wasn't one of the guys. He just wasn't. Not only was he five years younger than everyone, but he was just not like them in any way. His group of friends played soccer, drank beer, watched baseball games, argued about girls, fucked girls, and well, did pretty much everything expected of typical “guys”. And Merlin? He just wasn't like them. Gwaine, Lance, Percival, Leon, and Elyan were only friends with Merlin because of Arthur. He loved them all the same, really, but Merlin would have never started hanging out with them if it weren't for his best friend.
~~~~~~~
“Don’t touch that!” Arthur yelled with his gang of knights behind him.
They were in elementary school: Merlin in kindergarten and Arthur and his friends in 4th grade. It was during one of those rare half days when the older kids and the younger kids shared recess with the same amount of adult supervision as a regular recess.
“What?” Merlin asked, feeling small as he looked up at the blonde boy who had just yelled at him. “The ball?”
“Yeah,” Gwaine piped behind Arthur, scowling like he always did to make himself feel bigger. “That's our ball, drop it you little twerp!”
Merlin frowned. “No. I got it first. Get your own ball!”
Arthur stalked forward before yanking the ball from Merlin’s sweaty hands. “I told you not to touch our ball, little one. Now don't cross me again or there will be consequences.” Then he walked away with his posse following in his wake.
Honestly, Merlin tried his best not to cry, but the urge was too strong. He had just moved to Port Angeles a week prior, and so far had made no friends in this small town. All he wanted to do was play ball by himself, but stupid Arthur and his friends had to go and ruin it. He could use any ball, really, but they were mean, and Merlin was tired of playing alone anyhow.
Ten minutes into playing their game, Arthur spotted Merlin sitting alone by the balls, crying. It was with great difficulty that the older boy came over to apologize weakly. Merlin didn’t look up. So Arthur wrapped his big arm around the other boy’s small frame and whispered. “I'm sorry little one. I shouldn’t have… look, why don't you come play with us? How does that sound?”
And from that day on, every day after school, Merlin was invited to play with the big kids.
He never did make any of his own friends after that. There was Will, who was in Merlin’s grade and talked about Power Rangers a lot, but he was mostly just a filler friend for the long school hours when Merlin had no one else. Once he was out of school, however, Merlin would go hang out with his real group of friends. And Arthur.
~~~~~~~
Through the years Merlin became the designated little brother of the group. Being that he was scrawny, too small even for his own age, it was easy to pick on him.
“Just kick the ball!” Percival had encouraged one afternoon, the summer before they all left him and went off to college. As for Merlin, he was about to enter high school. The worst years of a kid’s life, and his friends would all be gone. Just in time for Merlin to feel as if maybe he was actually old enough to be considered their equal, they would abandon him.
“Kick it!” Percival called again.
“I did! I just can't kick it to the goal , Percy,” Merlin retorted with a sigh.
Gwaine snorted back a laugh while Percival glared at him. Big, strong, over-sized, Percival hated the nickname that, apparently, made him feel weak and small. Two things he insisted he was not. So of course, they all used the nickname as much as possible.
“Merlin you are so useless. Just go stand in the goal and pretend to do something,” Elyan shouted from the far end of the field.
Gwaine laughed at this. “He can't be goalie. He doesn't have reflexes. Plus, he's too skinny. He wouldn't be able to block the ball even by just standing there!”
Arthur groaned. “Just let him play on our team and stop being mean.”
“I'm sorry, Princess, didn’t mean to pick on your little pet.”
At this, Arthur turned sharply to Gwaine who, to his credit, hardly flinched. Not many could withstand the Pendragon glare. “What did you say?” he snapped.
“He said he wanted to fucking play already!” shouted Leon, who rarely cussed so he must have been agitated.
In a flash, Arthur was running to Gwaine with clear intent. Lance sighed, pressing a hand to his forehead. Meanwhile, Gwaine took flight, running down the field as he laughed the whole time. That is, until Arthur tackled him. They rolled on the grass and soon Percival jumped in. After that, they were all wrestling and pinning one another to the ground while Merlin stood and watched, exasperated.
Once Gwaine was free from Arthur who was sufficiently distracted by the others, he darted towards Merlin.
“I didn’t forget about you, Merls,” Gwaine roared, ready to pull the younger one into the mock brawl.
But before he could tackle Merlin, Arthur came out of nowhere and brought Gwaine with him to the ground. “Don’t you fucking touch Merlin.” Arthur growled. But it wasn't the playful tone he had used before. He was dead serious.
Everyone stopped.
No one laid a finger on Merlin after that - not even a playful slap. Merlin had Arthur as his protector and everyone knew better than to cross Arthur Pendragon.
~~~~~~~
Arthur was always there. Just a constant in Merlin’s life that he had just grown accustomed to. Arthur wasn’t like the others. Well, he was. He joked like them, talked like them, and acted like them. But whenever it was just him and Merlin, he was gentle. Soft even. He had always called Merlin “little one” and it never ceased to make Merlin’s heart race.
It was sometime in high school that Merlin realized why Arthur had made Merlin feel funny for all those years.
Merlin was sitting in class and Will was passing him notes when the teacher, Mr. Gaius, came and snatched it out of his hand. “No notes in class Mr. Emrys, you know better. 15 minutes. After school.”
It was only the second time in Merlin’s life that he had gotten detention and he cursed Will under his breath for getting him in trouble.
After school, Merlin reported to Mr. Gaius’ room, but there was no teacher, only another student. “Said he'd be out for a bit, but we are supposed to clean his chalkboard,” the other student said.
He was pretty. Really pretty. Merlin hadn't ever been interested in girls, and he never told a soul about all the gay porn backed up on his laptop at home. But he wasn't certain he was gay, just curious, maybe. But looking at this other student, Merlin found it was easy to experiment. And Experiment he did. Gilli was the student’s name. He was all soft and smooth and let Merlin touch him all over his body as he did the same to Merlin. He kissed and sucked and they didn't stop till they heard footsteps down the hall, pulling apart just in time for Mr. Gaius to return.
“Ah, boys, thank you for cleaning my chalk board. You may go.”
They left in a hurry, but never did pick up where they had left off. Gilli left, backpack slung over his shoulder, waving to Merlin as he went. He had promised he would call, but when he did, Merlin never answered.
He had wanted to. But Arthur’s reaction upon hearing the news made Merlin rethink his own feelings.
“You what!?” Arthur said over the phone. “You kissed a boy !?” The words were sour and Merlin could feel them stinging his ear through the receiver.
“So?” Merlin inquired, honestly confused.
The other end was silent for a beat too long; Merlin actually believed Arthur had hung up. Then finally Arthur said, “I just always thought that…” He trailed off and Merlin could sense more meaning to his words. Maybe more than he could allow himself to believe. One thing was clear, Arthur wasn’t going to finish that thought. “Anyway, it doesn't matter. You going to see him again?”
“Maybe. Maybe I won't... “ Merlin tested the words on his tongue.
Arthur chuckled. “Well, he's probably no good for you.”
And just like that they never talked about Gilli again.
~~~~~~~
High school was hard for Merlin, not only because all his friends were away at college, but he was also stuck in a lame ass tiny school where no one really liked him. So when all his friends came back in the same summer, freshly graduated, Merlin was bursting at the seams.
Gwaine’s family had a rented cabin in Canada, and he wanted to spend Merlin’s last summer before college with them in the middle of nowhere. It was the ideal way to spend Merlin’s last summer on the West Coast, so he eagerly agreed. Not only did he miss all his friends, but he had really missed Arthur, and he knew he would miss him most when he finally did move away to New York.
It was mid-June when they all packed up and drove north, taking the long way around. The trip was full of so much commotion and chatter that it was hard to really get a word in during the drive. Arthur looked as gorgeous as ever, but unfortunately, Merlin had ended up in the other car, separate from Arthur. But that was fine, Merlin would get the whole two weeks with his best friend. In the meantime, Merlin enjoyed the company of his other friends, trying to keep up with all their stories. He had missed listening to the inane ramblings of his sports fanatic friends.
When they finally arrived at the cabin, Merlin felt relief as he exited the car. Arthur glanced Merlin’s way, and it may as well have been the only thing to happen to Merlin in the past five hours. The first day was simply unpacking and drinking. Mostly drinking. They all passed out fairly early, sleeping where they dropped without officially assigning the separate bedrooms. The drive was long, they were all tired, and whiskey makes eye lids heavy. So they all fell asleep late and didn't bother with anything else.
~~~~~~~
Merlin was the first to rise the following morning, since he didn’t drink. He snuck into the kitchen and found some bacon and eggs to make for everyone. He knew they would all vote for him to cook anyhow, because he was always the lowest on the totem pole. He quietly shifted about the kitchen, trying to make as little noise as possible. But apparently he had failed, because Arthur was up soon after.
“Morning, little one,” Arthur whispered, rubbing his eyes.
“Don’t you think I'm a little old for that nickname?” Merlin scoffed not at all bothered by it.
Arthur smiled, dropping his hands. “Nope, little one. ” He stepped closer and rubbed Merlin's already mussed morning hair.
“Hey, careful. Don't mess it up.”
Arthur laughed, maybe too loud. “I missed you and your stupid hair.”
“I missed you and your stupid mouth,” Merlin retorted, just as pompous as his friend. This earned him another laugh. Soon, it felt like no time had passed at all.
Eventually, everyone was awake and demanding breakfast. Merlin happily made enough for all as they sat together at the big table, fighting over orange juice. While the others talked amongst themselves, Arthur leaned over to whisper to Merlin, “Thank you for breakfast.”
He was walking to the table before Merlin could respond. He could have sworn he felt the ghost of a touch on the small of his back before Arthur left his side. But he couldn't be sure.
~~~~~~~
After breakfast, they went hiking. Merlin took his camera and walking stick, setting his own pace. Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan went up ahead and tried to see who could reach the peak the fastest. Leon and Lance wanted to walk to the waterfall, and Arthur followed Merlin.
At first he didn’t realize Arthur was following him. They were still all close enough it still wasn't clear who was going with whom, but as the others drifted away, all that remained was Arthur.
“Thought maybe I should keep you company,” he explained, picking up a stick and tossing it in a nearby bush.
Merlin shrugged, though his heart was pounding and he had to hide a smile. Had Arthur always looked this good in a windbreaker? God. And his hair wasn’t always that blond, was it!? Merlin swallowed, pushing away his thoughts. “Thanks,” he said mildly.
They walked in companionable silence for some time, Merlin snapping pictures here and there.
“So what have I missed, Merlin? What’s new in your world?”
Merlin blushed, but he put his camera to his face, to block whatever silly feelings decided to show themselves in that moment. “Just taking pictures, as usual.” He got a really good shot of an eagle.
Arthur smiled and stopped, waiting for Merlin to finish taking his picture. After he made sure the picture of the eagle had turned out, Merlin's attention was back on his friend. Arthur stuck his hands in his coat pocket as if he were nervous.
“Of course you were taking pictures, it's what you always do. Sometimes it's even a bit annoying. ”
Merlin bellowed out a laugh, remembering the time he had caught a picture of Arthur mid fall in the middle of a soccer game. Arthur scowled. “I asked if there was anything new . You know, it's been awhile since we last talked.”
It had been. They were both preparing for graduation and finals, and the past few months had been a blur for Merlin without his friends. Arthur had come to Merlin’s graduation BBQ, but they hadn't gotten a chance to really talk and catch up because Merlin’s mother, of course, invited the whole town. But now... Now he had his best friend all to himself.
“Well, I decided on a major. Journalism. And… I don't know, I've just been kicking it with Will, Kara, and Mordred.”
Arthur rolled his eyes; he had never liked Merlin’s other friends. In Arthur’s book, Merlin was allowed one group of friends, and even that was too much at times. “Mordred? Is that... are you and he...”
“No,” Merlin reassured quickly. “Not at all. He and Kara are dating.”
“Well good,” Arthur muttered to the ground.
Just then, Lance came trotting up. “I found a banana slug, Merlin. Come get a picture!”
“Sure,” Merlin agreed, looking back at Arthur sadly as he went.
But Arthur didn’t meet his gaze, his eyes off somewhere else thinking who knows what. After Merlin took a picture, he joined the rest of the group again to find Arthur with Percival trying to climb a steep set of rocks. Merlin never did get to ask Arthur why he was interested in his love life. But Merlin knew better than to ask that question anyhow. That question would lead to an answer that might end their friendship forever. He didn’t know if he was ready for that, whichever way it went. So he let it drop dead there.
~~~~~~~
But of course, fate is a funny thing.
When they got back to the house they all picked their rooms for the rest of the vacation, and Arthur and Merlin were the last to speak up so they were stuck sharing the small room on the bottom floor.
“Sorry, guys, but you should have called dibs last night!” Gwaine said, picking up his bag from the couch, slinging it over his shoulder. “You snooze, you lose.”
In time, all of them had disappeared into their rooms: Leon, Lance, and Elyan sharing the master bedroom; Percival and Gwaine in the other bedroom; and Merlin and Arthur in the smallest one with only a twin to share.
“I can take the floor,” Merlin offered. Arthur was holding onto his backpack tightly, staring at the bed as if it had offended him.
“What?” he asked, blinking back whatever thoughts had taken over his mind. “Sorry.”
“I'll take the floor,” Merlin repeated, squatting down to unpack what he had brought with him.
Arthur pulled him up with a gentle tug on his sleeve, the same force he used to push Merlin around playfully. He wasn't really pushing, more like asking, but with force. “You’re not taking the floor, you idiot. We can share.”
Arthur turned and placed his bag on the bed decisively, acting as if the conversation was over. It probably was as far as he was concerned, but Merlin couldn’t share a bed with Arthur. The last time they did, they were just kids , and didn't know any better. Now… well, now Merlin doesn't know what will happen, or if he is opposed to something happening…
“Arthur, I'll take the floor,” Merlin repeated. There was silence in the room; Arthur didn’t turn around, he just nodded and unpacked his bag. The awkwardness was palpable in the air, but he'd be damned if he was the one to acknowledge it, so Merlin went to his own bag and ignored his friend too.
~~~~~~~
The rest of the afternoon was relatively quiet. They watched Men in Black II, making fun of the plot holes while drinking more whiskey. Merlin wasn't old enough to buy his own alcohol, and he never told them that he preferred wine, so his options were slightly limited. The guys would all tease him for sure if he ever did admit this to them, so instead, he told them he didn’t drink. The last time he really hung out with them he was only 15, so they had never had the chance to drink with him in the first place, so the story was easy to believe. Before this trip, Arthur had never let them drink around Merlin, something Merlin never quite understood, but choose to ignore.
Arthur said he didn't drink either, but Merlin knew that wasn't true because 3 months ago he had drunk dialed Merlin telling him he loved him and missed him. Merlin had talked his friend to sleep, happy to help. However, that night he dreamed of making love to his best friend and woke up in a daze. Arthur didn’t remember the phone call the following day, so Merlin never asked which kind of love he had meant. He told himself it was friendship love, or brotherly love; that was much easier to deal with than any other kind of love.
After the movie, Gwaine suggested the hot tub. Of course, because it was Gwaine, he suggested they all strip as well. The others agreed in their own time: Percival immediately and eagerly, Elyan reluctantly soon after, Leon and Lance once the others were already naked (they had agreed to go in at the same time but not look at the other), and finally Arthur with a huge sigh but then making a show of it. Everyone cheered when Arthur stripped, because he was the goody-two-shoes-rich-boy that never broke any of his daddy's rules. Merlin watched, maybe a bit too interested. He had to keep his clenched fists by his side and focus all his energy on rerouting the blood in his veins from traveling southward.
By the end of it all, Merlin was now the only one in his swim trunks, shivering and uncertain as he watched the others splash around and tease each other in the hot tub. Since he was the 17 year old baby of the group, no one was going to force him to get naked, but they cheered him on nonetheless as he lingered by the door.
“Get in the water, Merls!” Gwaine called. “Let's see that skinny ass of yours!”
Merlin hissed at the cold, and his friend's crude words. “Umm…”
Arthur then looked over his shoulder, making eye contact with Merlin. He didn’t seem happy at all, maybe angry, but definitely uncomfortable. “You don’t have to undress, little one. Just get in, you'll freeze to death out there.”
Merlin did as he was told, without looking at anyone as he slipped into the warm water with his shorts still on.
“That-a-boy,” Leon said, clapping a hand to his back when Merlin relaxed into the water.
Gwaine drifted over to Merlin, and straddled him where he sat in the hot tub. Through the water, Merlin could see… everything. Too much. Gwaine was much bigger than Merlin in length and width. This was the first actual penis Merlin had officially come face to face with. It was an odd moment in his life, to say the least.
Gwaine raked his eyes over Merlin's bare chest, alcohol hot on his breath. “Strip for me, little - ugh!”
“Arthur!” Lance shouted as Arthur pushed Gwaine to the other side of the tub, sending him under the surface momentarily.
As Gwaine resurfaced, he was laughing. “God, Princess. Sorry I offended you, but your boyfriend is really pretty.”
“Not my…” Arthur huffed, crossing his arms at the sudden cold. “Get bent, asshole,” he spat after a pause.
Gwaine scoffed, unfazed. “Shut up.”
Arthur looked as if he was about to storm out, but his eyes lingered for a moment on Merlin, who was blushing and trying not to be the center of attention, suddenly.
Arthur sighed, unfolding his arms to reveal his toned chest and pink nipples. Merlin bit back a moan.
Then Merlin snapped back to life when he realized Arthur was still looking at him.
“Don’t worry, Princess. I know you didn't mean it,” Gwaine said, rubbing the spot on his chest where Arthur had pushed him. “But Merlin is nearly an adult, he can handle himself.”
Arthur’s fists balled up, and he sucked in a deep breath, probably trying to convince himself to drop it. Percival laughed his awkward laugh that he gave when he was trying to lighten the mood. Always ill timed, in Merlin’s opinion. Arthur was quiet, but eventually he sat down. By Merlin.
It wasn't long before the others began conversation again as if nothing had happened. The night was calm and clear, soon Merlin found himself joking with Leon about the latest Spiderman game and feeling more at ease than he had the whole trip. Lance successfully helped Arthur out of his mood, which he always did when Arthur got like that. Soon everything seemed to slot back into place, but Merlin kept his eye on Arthur's posture, which never did seem to fully relax.
~~~~~~~
Everyone else drank even more throughout the night, laughing and chatting late into the early morning. The sun was breaking over the horizon when they finally decided to go to bed.
Dead tired, Merlin flopped to the single bed in their room, forgetting that he needed to make himself a bed on the floor. “Sorry,” Merlin muttered, rolling off the bed to the floor, when he remembered this.
Arthur just sighed and picked Merlin up, bridal style, and gently placed him on the bed. In his hazy tired state, Merlin almost thought he was dreaming. Then Arthur climbed in after him, gingerly putting and hand on Merlin's shoulder as he whispered, “Good night, little one.”
Merlin fell asleep quickly, and he didn’t try to hide the smile on his face.
~~~~~~~
The next day they went fishing and caught three fish between the seven of them. The others elected Merlin as the housemaid, saying that he had cooked breakfast the first morning, so he had to cook the fish when they got home. “In a sexy maid dress too, if you'd like,” Gwaine added, earning himself a slap upside the head from Arthur and a glare from Lance.
“I'd rather not cook your dirty fish for you, Gwaine. Why don't you put on a sexy dress and do something yourself for once.” Merlin crossed his arms, proud of himself as the others hooted as if he had actually come up with a clever comeback.
The lake had a rocky drop-off with a small beach about a mile down. They had set up near the top, and fished from there, casting down off the rocks. Now, they wanted to hike down to the sandy beach to try to fish more there, but Elyan and Leon were too tired for the hike, and Arthur was feeling a bit sick.
When Merlin suggested they could have a group go back to the cabin and a group continue fishing at the beach, Gwaine shook him by the arm and told him he was the smartest of the group. As they discussed who would stay and who would go, Merlin explored the rocks with his camera. There was a chipmunk perched on the edge on a rock, eating a berry with his back to them. Merlin smiled, ready to snap the picture, when the world started tumbling around him. A second too late Merlin realized he was falling and heard rather than felt the crack of his skull on a rock. The world went black for a second and he thought he could hear someone shouting his name. Then Arthur was above him, carefully helping him sit up.
“Slowly, slowly,” someone was chanting nearby.
Arthur crouched next to Merlin, eyes deep blue with concern. “Hey, hey, Merlin, can you hear me?”
Merlin frowned. “Yes. I'm not deaf, I just fell, prat.”
Percival laughed.
“Don’t call me a prat or I won't help you,” Arthur warned, even though he was smiling.
Merlin scoffed. “Yeah you will, you always save me.”
He must have said that funny because his mouth felt too full and he wasn't sure if all the words came out right. Plus, Arthur was looking at him like he was insane and someone in the group was laughing at him.
“There is no service here, I can’t call anyone for help,” Lance said.
Arthur nodded and looked back at Merlin. “Hey, little one, did you hit your head? Where does it hurt most?”
Merlin furrowed his brow. “My head,” he answered, though even he knew the answer was vague and not quite right.
Arthur sighed loud and exasperated. “Okay. What day is it?”
“I don’t know,” Merlin spat. But he never knew the date, Arthur knew that.
Lance knelt next to him now, gently moving Merlin’s head to look at him. “Who is the president?”
“Obama.”
“Good. Now, can you follow my finger with just your eyes?”
“Stop moving your head, idiot,” Arthur said harshly, with a hand on his shoulder.
Merlin scowled but focused on his task.
“That's it,” Lance encouraged. He had been forced to take a CPR class every fall since he was 12 years old. Lance’s father made sure his son knew everything there was to know about first aid if he wasn't going to be a doctor.
After a once-over from Lance, Arthur helped Merlin to his feet, slowly and carefully. He had that worried possessive look he always wore whenever Merlin did… well anything more than sitting still. He was such a worrier.
As they got him up, something dawned on him. “My camera!” Merlin cried.
Arthur, who was holding onto Merlin’s arm, scanned the ground. It was Percival who picked it up from a few feet down, but it looked as if it was in bad shape. Merlin sighed as Leon picked up another piece of the lens.
Merlin pouted, turning to Arthur who was closest. “My camera…” he whined sadly.
“Shh, it's okay. We need to get you inside, okay?” Arthur cooed. His grip was a vice on Merlin's arm, and he didn’t think it would be a good idea to make Arthur more any more worried than he already was. He also knew he couldn’t change anything, so he tried to focus on getting up the small cliff from which he had fallen. They managed to help him to the top, but once there, Arthur scooped him up, insisting on carrying him the rest of the way to the car.
~~~~~~~
Merlin held the back of his head the whole way to the cabin, while Arthur kept sneaking worried glances at him from the front seat. When they finally parked, Merlin pulled his hand away from his head to undo his seatbelt. He saw red.
“Oh,” he said softly, looking down at his hand.
Arthur turned to ask what was wrong, but didn’t need to, noticing the blood right away. “Lance!” Arthur called. “We need to get him to a doctor!”
“No!” Merlin protested, worrying his bottom lip. He hated doctors, and Arthur knew that.
“Merlin…” Arthur began, but Lance rounded the car and opened Merlin’s door instead of responding to Arthur. “Let me see it,” he coaxed softly, pushing Merlin’s head forward.
He didn’t seem happy about it, but he did admit that it wasn't bad as far as head wounds go. The head always bleeds much more than any other wound. Lance suggested cleaning it and bandaging it the best they could, before forcing Merlin to see a doctor.
Arthur was not happy about that decision, but he agreed, probably to avoid dealing with Merlin’s imminent fit.
For the next half hour, Lance cleaned Merlin up, bandaged the cuts on both his knee and his elbow, then did what he could for Merlin’s head. He instructed Merlin to sit on the couch for the rest of the day and relax, but he was not to go to sleep. There was a possibility of a concussion, and he didn’t want to take any risks since Merlin refused to go into town and have a professional look at him.
“We have to take him in!” Arthur argued from the kitchen, thinking the TV would drown out his words for Merlin. “If you think he has a concussion, Lance, he needs to be seen by a doctor.”
“You know how he feels about that, Arthur. It's going to be okay. Just let him rest. It isn't as bad as it looks. I'm certain you have gotten concussed at soccer games plenty of times, and Uther has never taken you in,” Lance reasoned.
“Well Uther isn't the best dad, is he?” Arthur shot back, and Merlin could imagine him crossing his arms in defense.
Lance sighed. “And you aren’t Merlin’s dad. If he doesn't want to go, we can’t force him.” There was a long enough pause after that, that Merlin was certain the argument was over. But then Lance lowered his voice. “Come on, Arthur. I know how you feel about him -”
Gwaine slammed the screen door open and marched in. The second car had apparently arrived back at the cabin. “Six more fish!” he announced with a grin. “This is why we left you girls behind while the men did the hunting.”
“Hardly hunting,” Leon scoffed, plopping to the couch by Merlin’s feet.
Arthur and Lance emerged from the kitchen awkwardly. Merlin cursed the timing of his stupid friends. What was Lance going to say? Begrudgingly, Merlin switched the channel on the TV and tried to drown them all out. Leon eyed him cautiously, bit something on his face must have showed that he wasn't in the mood to talk, because he was gone after only a moment.
Merlin watched for a few more hours as Lance and Arthur made dinner and the others pretended to help. They all ate happily, calling Merlin to the table once it was prepared. After dinner, the others went out to the hot tub again. But Merlin was tired; he hadn't been allowed to doze at all during the day, and it was late enough that Lance said he could go to bed if he wanted.
Arthur was cleaning up the last of dinner when Merlin slipped into their room alone, trying to ignore his thoughts about how Arthur could feel about him.
~~~~~~~
Merlin dreamed that he was falling down the rocky cliff by the lake and woke with a start. His breath hitched in the darkness and he sat up gasping.
“Merlin?” Arthur whispered from the other side of the bed. “Hey…” He sat up with Merlin and rubbed his back gently. “You okay, little one?”
Merlin blinked, eyes adjusting to the small amount of light in the room. “Yeah. Fine. Bad dream.”
“Come here,” Arthur encouraged, opening his arms.
When his best friend pulled him into a nice comforting hug, he melted, and never thought he would be solid again. It reminded him of the time on the playground when they were young and Arthur had apologized for taking the ball from him. That was the start of Arthur protecting him, always being there to comfort him and help. That day was a promise that Arthur had kept for all these years.
Merlin had loved him so much, even back then. He still loved him.
“Thank you, Arthur,” Merlin said like a confession, letting his head fall to Arthur’s chest.
He wanted Arthur to know. So badly.
Maybe it was the head injury. Maybe it was realizing how much his friend cared for him after all this time of being apart. Maybe it was the drunken phone call a few months back. Or hell, maybe it was the tiny glimmer of hope he had caught from the conversation between Arthur and Lance that afternoon. Whatever the fuck it was, Merlin surrendered himself to Arthur, sighing contently.
He couldn’t think of the words he wanted to say, yet it felt so natural to be here. Arthur was always there. Always a constant in his life. He didn't need to think about this.
So he didn't.
He just turned his head and kissed Arthur’s cheek. Then the corner of his mouth. Then, it was Arthur who turned his head just so, and kissed Merlin square on the lips.
It was light and questioning, but Merlin pressed again, opening up to Arthur. And before he knew it, Merlin was kissing his best friend passionately on the lips.
Arthur pulled away first, breathing a little jagged. “Um, Merlin…” he cleared his throat. “I don’t….”
“You told me you loved me, Arthur.” Merlin reminded him, hopeful. “Is this the way you meant it?”
Arthur seemed to physically melt a little. “Oh god yes!” he whispered. “I love you so much, little one.”
Merlin smiled into the next kiss and smiled as Arthur pushed him over onto the bed.
Merlin reached up and tugged at Arthur’s shirt, getting it halfway over his head, but the brief pause as the shirt caught was long enough for Arthur to second guess himself.
“Fuck,” he breathed, pulling it back down. He scrubbed his face with his free hand. “Merlin, this is wrong… you… you're not… god, I want this, but I shouldn’t...”
Merlin sat up, pushing Arthur back on his heels as he did. “What do you mean? Because I'm a boy?” Merlin asked, accusing.
“No, Merlin… Or yes, you're seventeen. I'm twenty-two. I shouldn’t… this isn't right.”
Merlin pouted, sticking out his bottom lip.
He knew exactly what Arthur was getting at because he was a noble fucking prat who thought he always knew what was best for Merlin.
But Merlin didn’t want to hear it.
He had known Arthur his whole life, and he trusted his friend with his life. Ever since Merlin could physically want sex, he had wanted to be with Arthur. He knew he was ready for this down to his very core, but Arthur wouldn’t trust that. He'd want to take things slow. Make one hundred percent sure that Merlin was completely ready. Well, if Merlin knew anything about his desire for Arthur, he knew that he could wait. They didn't have to rush. “Fine, okay,” he lamented.
He didn’t have to be happy about it.
Merlin flopped to his side of the bed, back towards Arthur, and squeezed his eyes shut.
“Don’t be mad,” Arthur begged pitifully.
It tugged at Merlin’s heart enough for him to roll onto his back. “Arthur, this is a mess. I… it's not fair.”
“Hey,” he said softly. “You know what's great?”
Merlin sighed. “What?”
“You love me.”
Merlin laughed, letting out his pent up nerves and frustration. “Yes. Yes I do…”
“And,” Arthur added, as if he were selling something, “I love you.” He settled down on the bed beside Merlin and leaned forward to press another kiss to Merlin’s lips. “Let's just take it slow. I'm not going to let you go anywhere, little one.”
Merlin shut his eyes and couldn't see any harm in that. Having Arthur beside him was more than enough. He cuddled up to Arthur, glad it wasn't over. It was just the beginning.
~~~~~~~
“How's your head, love?” Arthur asked, kneeling by the bed as Merlin sat, tying his shoes the next morning.
“Fine,” Merlin answered casually, looking down at Arthur, expectantly.
Arthur crossed his arms and stood up. “No. No kisses until you tell me the truth.”
Merlin frowned. “It hurts.”
“Oh, little one,” Arthur breathed. He sat on the bed quickly deflating as he gingerly turned Merlin's head so he could look at the wound. There was a small piece of gauze that Lance had used to cover it, so there wasn't much to see. “Lance should probably change the bandage this morning. Promise me you'll let him look at it since you won't see a real doctor?”
“Only if I get my promised kiss,” Merlin negotiated with a smile. He swallowed as his cock went half-hard when Arthur ran a hand over his brow, not knowing what it did to him. He leaned into the touch, making a humming noise that made Arthur stop dead in his tracks. For a moment Merlin thought maybe he had misinterpreted the noise as one of pain, not pleasure.
But then Arthur gave him a kiss.
Merlin smiled into it again. He could get used to this.
All his life, Merlin had had a protector in the form of Arthur Pendragon, and all this time it had made his stomach twist in knots with warm desire. Now, the name ‘little one’ seemed to carry it's own new meaning, like he really was all Arthur’s. The way Arthur looked at him now told him so much ...
“Hey, um, Merlin. I think it is best if we keep this between us, yeah?”
Merlin frowned, startled. “Oh?”
“It's just. The guys. You know? They wouldn't understand.”
“Wouldn't they?” Merlin asked, but it was rhetorical. He stood up and grabbed his sweater from the end of the bed, instead of waiting for a reply. “Fine,” he huffed as he made a dramatic exit, not at all slamming the door behind him.
~~~~~~~
They went into town that day, and Merlin made a point to keep his word to Arthur; he didn’t tell anyone, but he hadn't promised to talk to Arthur either. So he avoided him as much as he could. They drove in separate cars into town.
Merlin went with Leon, Percival and Gwaine who were all deep in a heated conversation that revolved mostly around boobs. Merlin didn’t know which he preferred, his idiot friends or his rude… boyfriend? Rude Arthur.
He got a text right as they entered town when he regained service. It was from Arthur. “I'm sorry,” it read.
Merlin shut off the screen and shoved his cell phone back in his pocket.
All the stores were either for hunting supplies, or antique shops, nothing that really held Merlin’s interest. He decided to look around with Elyan and Leon at the antique stores, though, because it was the lesser of the two evils. It was when he was in a store with Leon, telling him that a duck figurine he wanted to buy looked horrible, when Arthur came through the door, making the little bell sound. His head was down and he was carrying a large paper bag. “Hey, Merlin. I have something for you.”
Merlin sighed, his resolve weakening at the sight of Arthur in his red flannel shirt. “All right,” he agreed, and stepped out to the back patio, tugging Arthur with him. “What is it?”
Arthur just handed the paper bag over. “I, um, I saw it and thought of you.”
Merlin hesitantly took the bag, studying the other boy’s face. It was heavy, and at first Merlin was doubtful that Arthur could find a meaningful gift out here in the middle of nowhere, but he took it with a partially open mind. Arthur looked shifty or uncertain, fidgeting as he watched Merlin handle the gift.
Then Merlin opened it.
It was a vintage Kodak 35. It must have been at least $80!
“Arthur,” Merlin breathed, looking up, “It’s too much…”
But Merlin couldn’t exactly imagine giving it back either. It was the most beautiful present he had ever received. It would never replace his EOS Rebel Canon camera, but still, it was such a thoughtful gift. And it was from Arthur.
“Thank you,” Merlin said, hoping he could show how much it really meant to him. “It's beautiful.”
Arthur took both of his hands and squeezed them. “I'm sorry about earlier, and I'm sorry about your camera.”
Merlin shook his head. “It's okay, I overreacted.”
Arthur smiled. “Don’t worry, I'm used to it.”
Merlin gave Arthur a playful push before the older boy wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist and pulled him in for a firm kiss.
“Merlin, do you have -” Elyan’s voice rang out and then cut short, probably upon seeing the two of them kissing.
“Oh,” Arthur said, but he didn’t push Merlin away. His arms stayed wrapped up around Merlin tightly as if he was his life preserver. “Hello, Elyan.”
“They did it!” Elyan shouted, to no one in particular. “They finally fucking did it! Gwaine, get over here!”
Percival came running over first and the others came following after. Arthur didn’t seem to be embarrassed by Merlin exactly, just embarrassed that his friends existed at all. Arthur buried his face in the crook of Merlin's neck, which was sort of sweet.
Soon comments were thrown out like: “Gay”, and ”boyfriends”, and “lovers”. It made Arthur groan loudly. Then he glared at them and ordered them to leave them alone. They didn't, of course, because their friends were useless people who lived off of the embarrassment of others. Even Lance joined in saying, “Well, Arthur. Good job.” Gwaine, of course was the worst: “Princess finally found his Prince Charming. So cute!”
While Merlin was eating up the new attention from his friends, Arthur yanked on his arm and pulled him out through the shop to the front.
“That's why I didn't want to tell them… they have been telling me for years to make a move and I didn’t want to prove them right.”
Merlin stilled. “Years?”
There were several shades of red that Arthur turned before he finally said, “Yeah, but I couldn't. I just… you were always so young. ”
Merlin wanted to be angered by that comment, but it just warmed his heart that Arthur protected him from everything in the world, including himself. In a silly, weird, backwards kind of way, it made sense.
Merlin blushed. “You're cute.”
Arthur scoffed. “Is it hitting you how weird this is yet?”
Merlin pursed his lips in thought. “No. Not yet. I'm sure it will. But for now…” He took a step in, adding in a lower voice, “For now, I want to just enjoy it.”
Merlin kissed Arthur passionately, not holding back, trying to convey in the kiss what he had wanted to say for years. Behind him, his friends whooped and yelled their approval.
But Merlin and Arthur ignored the others and enjoyed the moment. It was theirs.
~~~~~~~