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“Lookit this place, Roadie—-ever see anything so clean in your life?” said Junkrat, swinging his leg and peg leg back and forth over the edge of the examination table, “Toldja going legit would be worth it. All shiny—not a spot of rust anywhere—-I bet they got proper kidneys and whatnot too—-no blokes lying around in ice-filled bathtubs in this establishment, no sir. Rich people car crash kidneys. The good stuff, Roadie.”
Roadhog just sighed and turned another page in the fashion magazine he had brought in from the waiting room.
“I used the shower this morning and hand to God, they did not shut the water off. Can you imagine? Do all my scrubbin’ within 45 seconds as is right and proper and I’m waiting for the shower to turn off and it doesn’t! It just kept going! I was in there for eight minutes! Eight minutes, Roadie! And they didn’t shut the water off! They just let people use however much water they want! Bloody crazy but I like their style. Felt like a goddamn king.”
“We stole the crown jewels,” Roadhog said, taking a pen out of the little pencil holder near a doctor’s clipboard and starting to fill in a magazine quiz about which celebrity hunk was his soulmate.
“Well yes, but that’s not a consistent thing, Roadie,” said Junkrat, “It’s a job, but it’s not employment.”
Roadhog grunted unhappily at his quiz results (Thespion 4.0?) and started filling in the magazine’s crossword puzzle.
“And it won’t be like that time with the suit, either,” said Junkrat, picking up a jar of tongue depressors and snapping one into a splintered point and picking his teeth with it, “These over watcher people…well yeah we’ll be legit but we’ll still be us, that’s what’s important. If they can have a bloody gorilla scientist, then they won’t be jamming Jamison Fawkes into a little box, no sir,” a high pitched giggle escaped Junkrat, “Fawkes in a box. Haha!” He cleared his throat, “Point still stands: They need us to be us because no one can out us us, you know? ”
“Are you scared?” Roadhog said, not even looking up.
“Scared? Who said anything about being scared?” said Junkrat.
“You talk more when you’re scared,” said Roadhog.
“That is the most—I cannot believe—of all the—-Name one thing that scares me!” said Junkrat.
“Doctors,” said Roadhog.
Junkrat’s mouth hung open for a few seconds before he said “Name two things that—”
“Snipers,” said Roadhog, “Magpies.”
“You know how the magpies are back home!” snapped Junkrat.
“Being killed by a falling coconut,” said Roadhog.
“That is not a fear—that is a premonition! There’s a difference!” said Junkrat, “And you know what that one negates all the other fears because I know that is the only way I’m going to die,” Junkrat’s eyes narrowed with a grim determination, “And I’ve accepted it,” he folded his arms, “So there! Nothing scares me!”
“Then shut up,” said Roadhog, continuing to fill in the crossword.
“I do not like this,” Genji said as he paced alongside Angela.
“They’ve shown a great deal of compliance with Overwatch so far,” said Angela, “You don’t have to be here, you know.”
“Winston said we cannot be too careful. Do you not want me here?” said Genji.
Angela smiled and tucked some of her hair back, “No, it’s not that. I enjoy your company. Just… I can handle myself.”
“I do not doubt that,” said Genji with a slight chuckle, “Still—humor me?” he paused and quickly added, “And Winston, of course.”
“Of course,” said Mercy.
“They are dangerous criminals,” said Genji, folding his arms.
“Technically, you were one once as well,” said Mercy.
“I—yes—but—” Genji cleared his throat and put his hands on his hips, “That was different. The Shimada clan had a code.”
“The same code which according to your dossier you largely ignored?” said Mercy, grinning over her shoulder at him.
Genji raised his hand to offer a rebuttal, but then paused, lowered his hand, and the heat sinks in his shoulders steamed. Mercy giggled a little. “Just—they are unpredictable,” said Genji, rubbing the back of his head.
“And a ninja clan was predictable?” said Mercy.
“No, never predictable—however you could trust it not to do something stupid,” said Genji.
Mercy patted his shoulder, still warm from the steam, “I suppose you have a point there.”
“And despite not following the Shimada code, you can trust me not to do something stupid,” Genji added.
“Oh I wouldn’t go that far,” said Mercy and Genji laughed a little.
“Your sense of humor has shifted in our time apart,” said Genji.
“It has?” said Mercy, pulling out her tablet and tweaking her schedule on it.
“Yes, Doctor Ziegler, you seem to have gotten one.”
“I—” she paused, then laughed and scoffed and gave him a gentle swat on the arm with her tablet, “You’ve been spending too much time with Cole,” she said as they stopped before the door to the examination room. “I know you’re worried, but I think you should stay out here. Most people… do not expect to see a man with swords walking in with their doctor.”
“Excellent point. However, do not hesitate to call me if they give you any trouble,” said Genji.
Angela nodded and headed in, and Genji took a seat outside, took out his own tablet, and began scrolling through some of the intel and status reports that had slowly begun to trickle in as more Watchpoints were being reactivated.
—
“Well hello, doctor!” said Junkrat, suddenly sitting up straight and smoothing his hair back.
“Hello, Mr. Fawkes,” said Mercy, smiling.
“I was just telling Roadie how happy we are to be here, all going legit and all,” said Junkrat. Mercy glanced over at Roadhog, and Roadhog gave a slight wave without looking up from his crossword.
“Well.. ‘Legit’ is a relative term,” said Mercy, smiling. She squinted at Junkrat’s shoulders.
“See anything you like, Doc?” said Junkrat, flexing.
“Hm,” was the only noise Mercy made as she took her stylus out of her hair and began writing something down on her tablet.
“Need help spelling ‘Peak Physical Condition?’” said Junkrat, continuing to flex.
“Oh—-no, just writing up some referrals,” said Mercy.
“Referrals?” said Junkrat.
Mercy nodded. “Just to a dermatologist and nutritionist.”
“Derma-what now?”
“Oh—these moles right here,” said Mercy, pointing at two moles on Junkrat’s shoulder, “They are concerning. Don’t worry the doctor I’m recommending you to is very very good, if they are cancerous they shouldn’t be a problem. They could also just be angiomas. And the nutritionist will be important for helping you adjust to Overwatch’s foodstuffs,” she seemed to remember something and suddenly pulled out a small flashlight. “Open your mouth.”
Junkrat complied.
“When was the last time you saw a dentist?” said Mercy, her brow crinkling at his unusually prominent canines.
“Uh…tooth-yanking was…largely DIY back home,” said Junkrat, closing his mouth and rubbing his jaw.
“I’ll schedule a visit for you,” said Mercy.
“Yeesh, you doctors,” Junkrat muttered and folded his arms, “You let one in and you multiply, just like that! I was doing just fine before.”
“Just because people can endure pain and poor health, doesn’t mean they should,” said Mercy, “Aside from that, Overwatch has health codes for its members. We look after our own. It is part of being… ‘legit,’ as you say.”
“She give you this much trouble, Roadie?” said Junkrat, glancing over at Roadhog.
“Nope,” said Roadhog.
“Wh—seriously?”
“It turns out Mr. Rutledge is in excellent health,” said Mercy.
“Are you kidding me? Have you heard his breathing?!” said Junkrat.
“It’s the mask,” said Roadhog.
“But he’s always huffing that yellow shit!” said Junkrat.
“Yes, the Emergency Biotic Inhalant System. Overwatch Disaster Relief had hundreds of crates of them dropped in Australia after the core reactor explosion to help with injuries and combat dangerously low stocks of potassium iodide.”
Junkrat frowned and Roadhog looked as smug as one could look with all of their facial features hidden by a pig-like gas mask.
“Speaking of potassium iodide—,” Mercy went on, “Have you noticed any changes with the supplements we’ve been giving you?”
“Well… my piss isn’t glowing as much as it used to,” said Junkrat, shrugging, “Izzat bad?”
“No, it’s good,” said Mercy, “You don’t want it to glow.”
“Psh. Says you,” said Junkrat.
“Yes says me. I’m a doctor,” said Mercy, her brow furrowing. She walked over to her desk and pulled out a geiger counter and gave it a few waves around Junkrat. It clicked a few times and she eyed the radiation levels on it. “Well now that we’re getting the radiation under control, we can start on the inoculations.”
“The what?” said Junkrat as a nurse came through the door with a tray, left it on the desk and left.
“We were already able to conduct blood tests in the midst of patching you up after your…introduction,” said Mercy, “Your bacterial cultures are… well I have several scientists asking for more buccal and throat swabs and sputum samples from you because they say your bacterial cultures are… terrifyingly diverse.”
“That good?” said Junkrat, itching his head.
Mercy’s brow crinkled, “Well… for science… “ she cleared her throat, “As I’ve said though, if you’re going to be working with us, you’re going to need several shots—”
“Shots?!” Junkrat suddenly tensed up and scrambled back on the examination table, “Look here—no one said anything about shots!”
“You submitted to vaccination when you signed the medical waiver,” said Mercy, “It was underlined.”
“Well—yeah—but you heal people with that sparkly stick thing! No one said you’d be using,” he shuddered, “Needles.”
“Well they’re still the most foolproof way we can deliver vaccines to the bloodstream,” said Mercy, walking over to the tray the nurse had left.
“Roadie—” Junkrat looked over at Roadhog, “Don’t let her do this to me. You wouldn’t let her stick you with—with—” Roadhog held up his arm, showing off a small cotton ball held in place with a bandage near his shoulder, then pulled a small lollipop out of his pocket.
“You traitor,” said Junkrat.
“Honestly, Mr. Fawkes—you step on your own landmines to launch yourself into the air, but you’re afraid of needles?” said Mercy.
“Oi, Jamison Fawkes is not afraid of anything! I was telling Roadie earlier I know exactly how I’m going to die so I’m not going to—Hooley dooley what’s going on with that patient!?”
He pointed over her shoulder and instinctively Mercy turned around, but realized the door behind her was closed, then there was a clatter behind her and when she turned back around, she found Roadhog grabbing Junkrat by the ankle and peg leg as he attempted to scramble out the window.
“Let me go, Roadie! Let go!” said Junkrat as his fingernails and the steel of his prosthetic scratched on the glass of the window. He looked ready to punch the glass out but Roadhog braced one foot against the wall and yanked back slamming Junkrat into himself. Junkrat was flailing and scratching and kicking in Roadhog’s arms. “Don’t make me bite you! You heard the doc! I got bacterials!”
“Do you ever shut up?” grunted Roadhog, before turning to Mercy, “Gimme the shot. I’ll stick him myself.”
“You wouldn’t! You wouldn’t dare!” shouted Junkrat, still flailing.
“Stop it! Both of you! I won’t have fighting in my—” Mercy started but Junkrat kicked out one of her cupboards and then kicked against the counter where her tray was resting and pushed off, forcing Roadhog backwards and knocking over the examination table. At this point, Genji burst into the room, one hand on his wakizashi, and everyone in the room froze.
“What—” Junkrat squinted, “What the hell is that?”
“Genji, I have this under control,” said Mercy.
“You know this thing?!” said Junkrat
“It does not look under control,” Genji said flatly.
“You’re escalating the situation!” said Mercy.
“Winston said we cannot be too cautious with these criminals!” said Genji.
“Seriously, what the hell is that!?” said Junkrat, flailing one free arm he had previously been using to try and claw at Roadhog’s face with at Genji.
“I am Genji,” said Genji.
Junkrat squinted at Genji. “The tin cans making new models?” he said, tilting his head.
“I am both human and machine,” said Genji.
Junkrat’s brow was furrowed, “So—what—your mum fucked one of the bots, then?” He received a hard swat upside the head from Roadhog. “Ow! What!?” Roadhog just angrily pointed a stubby finger at Junkrat’s prosthetic arm and Junkrat went “Ohhhhh.” He scratched his head, “Sounds like a rough go of it. It was the bots what did that to you, I’m guessing?”
“My brother, actually,” said Genji, “However Doctor Ziegler saved me and through the efforts of her and Overwatch, I was able to return to fighting form.”
Junkrat was unsettlingly quiet for a while as he pondered this.
“You’re saying,” Junkrat finally said, slowly, “You look like that… because of her?” He pointed at Mercy.
“In a sense, yes,” Genji said easily, “Doctor Ziegler is a brilliant—”
“Roadie we need to get the hell out of here!” Junkrat screeched and started scrambling and kicking and flailing all over again. He ripped himself from Roadhog’s grip and made a dash for the door, which Genji stepped in front of.
“I believe there has been a misunderstanding—” Genji started but Junkrat threw a punch, which Genji easily dipped out of the way of, “Vaccinations are an important part of—” Junkrat threw another punch again which Genji dodged again, “…the health of all Overwatch operatives and the people we protec—” Junkrat went right for the face and Genji caught his fist. Junkrat attempted to wrench his arm free but Genji held on.
“I’m not going to be pushed around by some—some perky-arsed can-opener!”
“Perky—” Genji paused and then cleared his throat, remaining steadfast even as Junkrat continued grunting and attempting to wrench his arm from Genji’s grip, “I am sure if you calm down, Doctor Ziegler can—”
Mercy stabbed Junkrat in the arm with a syringe.
Junkrat glanced down at the needle in his arm, then up at her. She was breathing hard through gritted teeth and had a spark of fury in her eyes that Junkrat usually only saw in the eyes of those who had known the madness and despair of the wasteland as her thumb pressed down on the plunger. Then Mercy spoke through her gritted teeth, “I will not. Permit fighting. In this facility.” There were several long seconds of silence before Junkrat finally said, “…Ow.” Then Mercy took a deep breath and seemed to compose herself, withdrew the needle, put a cotton ball over the injection site, and set the cotton ball in place with a bandage. Genji released Junkrat’s fist and said, “Yes… well… or…. she could do that.”
Junkrat rubbed his arm sorely. “Guess I overreacted a bit,” he admitted, “Do I get a lolly now?”
“There’s four more inoculations to go,” said Mercy.
“Ah—” Junkrat paled and cleared his throat, “Ah—hm. Okay. And…and they’re definitely happening?”
“They are definitely happening,” said Mercy, furrowing her brow.
Junkrat took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, breathing out, “Okay.” He looked over at Roadhog. “Roadie?” Roadhog looked at Junkrat and the two shared a long look of deep understanding before Junkrat spoke again, saying, “You know what to d—”
Roadhog punched Junkrat hard across the face, instantly knocking him out and sending him sprawled over the collapsed examination table.
“Mr. Rutledge!” said Mercy, outraged.
“ ’Swhat he wanted,” said Roadhog, picking his magazine back up and sitting down in his chair, “Now you can give him the shots. Better do it quick. He never stays quiet for long.”
“You’ve concussed him!” said Mercy.
Roadhog glanced up from his magazine and said, “You’re a doctor.”
They were able to give Junkrat the remaining shots, and he was conscious again within minutes. Junkrat insisted that he was fine and that ‘Me and Roadie do this sort of thing all the time’ but Mercy still insisted on shooting a healing biotic stream at his head for several minutes just to be safe. Junkrat received a lollipop and he and Roadhog went on their merry way.
“I still can’t believe he’d rather be punched in the face than feel a little needle,” murmured Mercy as Genji helped her set her examination table back upright as the junkers left.
“It is as I said,” said Genji, “They are unpredictable.”
“Well yes, but when you said ‘unpredictable’ I assumed you meant ‘dangerous’ unpredictable—I mean—they are still quite dangerous but—” Mercy glanced over at Genji and found that he was looking off, a bit distracted. “Genji?” said Mercy.
“Hm? Oh,” Genji looked at her, “Sorry. I was thinking of some of the things that Junkrat said.”
“Oh…” Mercy said and she remembered the horrible way Junkrat had spoken about and to him, “Oh Genji I’m so sorry—I should have—If you need to go meditate or speak with Zenyatta—”
“No, it is nothing like that. I am fine, Doctor Ziegler,” said Genji.
“Oh,” said Mercy, tucking her hair back, “Then what…?”
“Perky-arsed?” said Genji.
Mercy paused, then flushed red, then snorted and burst out laughing.