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Castiel startled awake when a shrill scream echoed through the upstairs hallway. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heartbeat. Although he hears it three times a night, he will never get used to it. His eyes burned, his limbs felt heavy and his whole body just ached. He was exhausted. A loud snore erupted from under a lump of blankets next to him. His husband lay on his stomach, occupying most of their queen-sized bed. Castiel sneered and pushed his shoulder roughly.
“Dean.” He whispered.
A garble of unintelligible words were muffled into his pillow and Castiel rolled his eyes.
“Dean!” Castiel almost shouted and shoved his husband roughly again. He was too tired to deal with this shit right now.
Dean jerked upright, turning his head to look at Castiel. He looked dazed and his eyes were about as bloodshot as his own.
“Wa--was wrong Cas?” Dean mumbled sleepily.
Another bloodcurdling scream filtered into their bedroom.
“That is what is wrong.” Castiel said stiffly.
“Ok, go then. Why did you wake me up? I have to be at work in….” Dean lifted himself up on his arms and craned his head to look around Castiel. “Three hours.”
“I woke you up because it is your turn. We talked about this! Please Dean, I’m just so tired.” Cas pleaded.
“No Cas. I’ve only gotten three hours as it is!” Dean snapped and rolled over.
Castiel stared at his husband’s back in awe. His throat was trying its best to tighten as he fought off the overwhelming desire to punch his husband.
“Dean.”
“Dean…” Castiel wouldn’t have been surprised if he had already fallen back asleep, so he shook his shoulder again.
“De—“
“I FUCKING SAID NO!” Dean shouted, slapping Castiel's hand away, not even bothering to turn around.
Castiel gasped and grabbed his hand. Never, in their 8 years of marriage had Dean ever spoken to him like that. Unable to form a response, tight lipped, he swallowed around the lump in his throat and staggered out of bed. He grabbed his robe off the back of the bedroom door and tried to summon any reserve strength to shrug it on. At this point, just putting on the damn robe was a feat. He took one last disdainful look at his husband before he walked out the door. The screams were unbroken and even louder as he shuffled down the hallway.
“Daddy’s coming Hunter…” Castiel whispered in vain, as his tired voice was overpowered by his son's crying.
The pounding in his head was incessant and each high-pitched howl grated further on Castiel's already broken patience. His nerves were good and truly fried. Despite the absolute lack of strength in his body and nonexistent energy, his senses were hyper alert. The berber carpet of the hallway felt like sandpaper on his feet and the fleece of his robe felt itchy. It made him want to scream, or cry, or punch Dean in the face. Yea, that sounded like a perfect outlet. He would just walk back into the room and punch his husband in his beautiful face. The face that that was clean shaven, bright and lacking in dark circles.
Castiel padded into his two-month-old son’s dark room. The only light coming from a small, bumble bee plug-in night light. Even in the dimness of the room he could see little legs and arms flailing about.
“Daddy’s here, Daddy’s here. Shhh, shhh.” Castiel whispered sweetly as he picked up the screaming baby from his crib. He cradled his son’s small form to his chest and patted his back as he bounced the baby over to the rocking chair. The rocking chair could be dangerous, considering how heavy his eyes were. Skipping the siren call of the cushioned, glider, he opted for pacing.
Hunter’s gut wrenching screams softened but he continued to whine pitifully. Castiel squeezed his bottom and felt the squish of a wet diaper.
“All right little one, lets change you.”
Castiel rubbed Hunter’s back as he drug his feet over to the oak changing table. Castiel gingerly laid the tiny body onto the plush, yellow, white and black striped changing pad. Even though he was only two months old, Castiel knew better than to let his decaying emotional state show on his face. Children can sniff out emotions better than a basset hound can sniff out a hot dog in a wheat field.
Forcing a smile onto his scruff covered face, he talked Hunter though the removal of his diaper in baby talk. It seemed to help calm the infant when it seemed apparent Hunter didn’t want anything to do with diaper changing at about a month old. Hunter needed consoling even after a dry diaper had replaced the wet one. If it wasn’t one thing it was always something else. At first, he was colicy, and once that ended it was his strong aversion to changing that had him in a fit. He was only two months old, but Castiel was sure he had done more crying than anything else in his short life.
Castiel was on autopilot as he tossed the wet diaper into the overpriced genie sitting next to the table. Wipe, lift, apply new diaper, close onesie. He was in such a daze he hardly noticed the silence in the room. The sweet, merciful, void of sound had Castiel giving his son a real smile.
“Is that better little man?” Cas sing-songed as he tickled Hunters tummy. One of Hunters rare giggles had Castiel's heart thawing out. That gummy smile could turn the worst of days into a hall of fame day in a second. Even on the verge of passing out from exhaustion Castiel would never trade anything for these little moments. It made him feel guilty for wanting to miss this for a little bit of sleep.
“Let’s get you a bottle.”
Castiel lifted his son and bounced him as he walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Despite the little pep in his step that his sons infectious grin gave him, he still swayed on his feet like a zombie. Mental fortitude be damned, the body needed sleep and Castiel was severely lacking in that most basic need. He flicked on the light above the stove because he could physical not stand anything brighter as he, one handed, started boiling some water and prepping the bottle. In a gravely baritone, Castiel sang to his son as he waited for the milk to warm up.
He flicked the stove off and carefully took the milk filled bottled out of the boiling water and screwed the cap on. He shook its contents as he climbed the stairs, knees protesting every step. He passed the room he shared with his husband just as the beeping of Deans alarm was going off. Dean, of course, slept right through it. Christ that thing was annoying. It was already starting to chip away at their new found good mood, as Hunter started to fidget and whimper in his arms.
Castiel stood in the doorway, frowning at the log in the bed.
“Let’s go wake up Daddy, Hunter. Because if we don’t, he will miss work.” Castiel said shifting his son into the crook of his arm, holding him one handed as he brought the bottle down to feed him.
Castiel walked to the edge of the bed, and balancing on one leg, gently nudged Deans hip with his foot.
“Dean. Your alarm.”
Nothing.
This time it was more of a shove than a nudge, the alarm steadily screaming at them.
“Dean! Get up!” he warned. He didn’t want to shout because he was holding Hunter.
Dean shifted his legs under the blankets and a pissed off grumble was muffled by his pillow yet again.
Castiel wasn’t sure if he was physically able to roll his eyes harder than he did.
“Well, we warned him didn’t we Hunter.” Castiel looked down at his son. He, of course, got no response. Hunter’s eyes were already drifting closed as he demolished his bottle.
Castiel, careful not to tip over, full on kicked Dean in the ass.
“Someone hit Baby and the front fender is caved in.” Cas recited monotone.
Dean shot up in bed, red eyes crazed, and blankets and pillows erupting from the bed in every direction. Castiel stepped back, giving Dean room to crawl, fall or jump out of bed at the news.
“What!? When!? I’ll kill em!” Dean screamed as he chose to stumble out of bed.
“Ssshhhh.” Cas admonished, head motioning to the sleeping infant in his arms.
Dean stilled and his eyes became clearer as he noticed his surroundings. He regarded Castiel, their son, and he turned his head to the obnoxious noise coming from the bedside table.
“Oh my God, shut up.” He huffed to his phone.
Castiel shifted Hunter in his arms and turned to leave now that Dean was awake.
“That was dirty Cas…” Dean grumped as he stood up and stretched.
“Yea, I had to use something you ACTUALLY care about to get you out of bed.” Castiel mumbled under his breathe, although he wasn’t really trying to hide his comment.
He walked out of the room, not waiting for Deans response. Sunlight was already starting to trickled light though the blinds as he laid Hunter on his crib sheet covered in embroidered bees. Castiel ran his hand along Hunters forehead, moving long strands of black hair out of his face. He smiled as his hand trailed a soft caress down Hunters silky soft cheek.
“Daddy loves you Hunter. Never doubt that.” He leaned down and kissed his sons head before rising.
He walked over to the dresser and turned on the baby monitor that sat atop it. The dresser was oak, like all the furniture in his son’s room. Castiel felt it would match the bee theme well. He loved his sons room. He and Dean worked hard on it together. Dean wanted a car theme, but he lost the rock, paper, scissors game that would determine the theme, since neither could agree on one. Dean could never win with his brother, so he didn’t understand why playing against him would be any different. Decorating the room had been such a bright memory in their lives while they watched their good friend Charlie grow larger and larger while their son grew safely. Charlie even donated the beautiful antique lamp that sat on the dresser next to the baby monitor. Castiel insisted that she didn’t need to do that. She was already giving them the ultimate gift. Stubborn as a mule, she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Castiel thought the happiness they felt at the anticipation of their son arriving would bleed into raising him together. So, far Castiel had done all the raising, and the only happiness Castiel could find lay in the crib Dean and Cas had built together. Castiel wanted to smile and bask in the memories he shared with Dean, but every time he looked at his husband all he felt was resentment. He closed the door to his son’s room and looked down the hall at another closed door. It had been months since he set foot in his studio. His very soul ached when he looked at that door. He longed to pick up a brush and get lost for hours in front of a blank canvas. He needed to paint like he needed to breathe, and he had been denied that just as he had been denied sleep.
Castiel sighed deeply as he walked down the stairs to start breakfast. He should probably sleep while the baby is sleeping, but he needed to eat. He could sacrifice one, but not the other at the same time. He had only eaten dinner yesterday, and if he had any chance of making it though sleep deprivation he needed to give his body SOMETHING.
Castiel was putting shredded cheese into the six eggs he was scrambling when Dean walked into the kitchen. Castiel had his back to the stairs, but he heard him lay his briefcase and keys on the kitchen table. Castiel bit his lip to not snap at Dean. He hated it when he put crap on the table. They had a keyring by the door and the briefcase should be on the floor or on his work desk, not the table where they eat. Deep down Castiel knew it was stupid, but he was just too on edge to see reason.
“Mornin’”. Dean drawled as he kissed Castiel's cheek. He pulled away when he felt Deans soft lips on his stubbled cheek.
“What the hell Cas?” Dean asked angrily.
“Don’t ‘what the hell Cas’ me, Dean. I’m pissed and you know why, so just save the melodramatic crap for charades.” Castiel snipped, placing the eggs on two plates. The toast had just popped up, so he grabbed the four pieces and started spreading butter on them.
Dean pored fresh coffee into his Winchester Auto Restoration and Repair tumbler as he spoke.
“Cas, I’m sorry I was angry last night, but I didn’t get home till late and I can’t be tired at work. I work with heavy machinery and delicate goods. I can’t afford an accident, you know that.” Dean said it like he was reciting lines from a script. Dean sounded bored as he took a sip of his coffee.
Cas threw the toast on the plates and turned on Dean. “What about me! Hmm? What about me being tired! I like to think I can’t afford an accident considering our son is pretty fucking delicate!”
“Cas…” Dean warned, but Castiel continued shouting.
“Fuck you Dean! You promised you would help me! You were such a fucking dick last night! Do you even realize how you spoke to me? You even slapped my hand for God sakes! What the fuck was that! You have NEVER spoken to me like that!” Castiel paused hoping Dean would respond but all he got was a mute husband with dead eyes staring at the floor. Dean did look tired now that he had taken the time to look.
“Why are you even staying at work late? You close at six and yet you stay till one am almost every night! You own the place, you make your own hours, so how about you put your family first!”
Dean slammed his tumbler on the counter, startling Castiel. Dean crowded him and pointed his finger into his face.
“I AM putting my family first you selfish prick! I promised to help you through the first month, and I did. I got up EVERYNIGHT with you at least once. I took as much paternity leave as I could. You told me you could handle the second month while I worked full time. I don’t know if you noticed but babies are expensive! Yes, we saved for this but children don’t STOP being expensive after you pay the hospital bills. Painting isn’t a very lucrative income lately.”
Dean stopped speaking immediately knowing what he had just said.
“Fuck…” Dean ran a hand through his sandy brown cropped hair. “Cas… I’m—“
He held his hand up stopping Deans apology.
“No. Go to work Dean. I’m done.” Castiel said softly. With a blank expression, he turned and walked across the kitchen to the stairs, not looking back.
“Cas you need to eat your breakfast!” Dean called after him.
He just squared his shoulders and didn’t respond. The ball of grief workings its way up his throat threatened to spill out if he opened his mouth. His heavy eyes started to burn with tears as he almost ran to the closed door down the hallway. He ripped the door open and threw himself inside. He didn’t dare slam the door, for fear of waking his son. He closed the door softly and collapsed against it.
Alone in his sanctuary he finally let exhaustion take over. Tears flowed down his cheeks as sobs wracked his body. He slid down the door onto the cold tile of his studio. The dull smell of oil paints and turpentine just made him cry harder. He buried his face into his arms that were resting on his knees. He let himself cry and cry and then cry some more. He was alone, no one could judge him, and his son didn’t have to witness it.
His sobs turned into soft hiccups as salty tears dried on his face. It was the cherry on top of the exhaustion cake. He physically couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. His mind was fuzzy, his chest and throat were constricted with emotional turmoil, his head was pounding and he accepted the dark blanket that wrapped around his consciousness.
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For a second time Castiel woke up in a panic. What time was it? Why wasn’t Hunter crying? Gasping for air and heart racing he jumped off the floor and flung the door open. He raced down the hallway.
“Daddy is so sorry Hunter. Daddy is so sorry.” He started crying again.
Hunters door was open and he wasn’t in his crib where Castiel had placed him earlier that morning.
“Oh my God, Oh my God.” Castiel clapped a hand over his mouth. He felt like he was going to puke.
“Hunter! Hunter where are you!?” Castiel took the stairs two at a time. He ran to the wall phone in the kitchen and pushed 9 but froze when he heard a giggle coming from the living room.
He dropped the phone and wandered into the living room attached to their kitchen. His knees almost gave out in relief.
“Look Hunter. Sleeping beauty is finally awake!” Gabriel mocked from his seated position on the carpet. Hunter turned his head and giggled again seeing his father.
Castiel released a ragged breath as he slumped onto the couch.
“Oh, Thank God.” Castiel said letting his head fall back against the chocolate leather couch.
“No, you mean, ‘Oh thank the most awesome brother in the world.’ Gabriel grinned as he jingled a plastic key ring in front of Hunter.
Castiel seemed to finally register that his brother was actually sitting in his living room letting Hunter have tummy time. He looked at Gabriel with a raised eyebrow.
“Not to sound ungrateful, but why are you here Gabe?”
Gabriel looked up from the toy he was encouraging Hunter with to look at Castiel. Gabriel’s usual smile was absent.
“Dean called me this morning.”
Castiel frowned hearing his husbands name. The fight they had this morning came rushing back in vivid detail.
“Cas, if you were having such a difficult time you should have called me. I know you’re as stubborn as your bow-legged hubby, but I love this little nugget.” Gabriel picked Hunter off the floor and blew a cherry into his neck. After the giggling from both stopped, Gabriel continued. “Kinda hurts my feelings when I have to get a call from your pissed off husband to come and babysit.” Gabriel pouted dramatically.
“He was pissed? Of course he was pissed, stupid question.”
“Oh yea, but pissed in the ‘I can’t stay to take care of this myself’ way. What the hell happened between you two? I mean, I know when you two fight, it is on an epic scale, but damn it has been a while.”
Castiel scrubbed his hands on his face, and proceeded to tell Gabriel the events that started last night. “I knew all of this would happen. I knew babies were difficult and take a lot of patience, but I just thought Dean would be more present. It is lonely.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“Dean has to work man. You both agreed you would be the one who stayed home. You worked from home anyway.” Gabriel said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“I miss painting Gabe. It has been two and a half months. I had to halt any incoming orders. I just have no time.” Castiel felt guilt rise like a flash flood. He stood up and walked over to his brother, holding his arms out expectantly.
“Umm, no. He is mine for the day. You sit your ass down and rest.” Gabriel chastised his brother. He held Hunter above his head and in a baby voice said “Uncle Gabe is here to save the day!” Hunter belly laughed at the crossed eyes and stuck out tongue that graced Gabriel’s face. Gabriel snickered at the reaction and placed Hunter back on his tummy.
“I seem to recall about 2 months ago, offering myself and Kali as babysitters so you could paint and sleep.” Gabe gave Castiel a reproving glare.
Castiel had no response to that because he was correct. He had a large network of family and friends that had offered to help. The one time in two months that he and Dean had been intimate they had called Sam to watch Hunter.
“I just didn’t want to be a bother to anyone.” He sighed sadly as he looked at his brother.
“Bro, you are an angel for thinking that, but get your head out of your ass.”
He was taken aback. He was just being honest. He truly didn’t want to take advantage of anyone’s kindness.
“You do know we LOVE Hunter. It isn’t a bother. Don’t get me wrong looking at your haggard ass and hearing about your fights is the best birth control ever, but I would never say no to a chance to see my nephew.”
All he could do was nod. He didn’t want to speak for fear of his emotions getting the better of him. God, it was like he was the one who gave birth and had to deal with hormones. This was ridiculous.
“I just miss Dean.” Cas choked out.
“Cas, you see him every day.” Gabriel sounded confused.
“No, I MISS Dean.” Cas raised his eyebrows and tilted his head for emphasis.
“Oh! You’re talking about sex!” Gabriel laughed loudly. Hunter stared at his uncle like he was the strangest thing on the planet, which wasn’t far from the truth.
“Yes, that. But also, not hating him.” Castiel shook his head. “That was unnecessary, let me rephrase. Also, not resenting him.” He nodded, thinking that sounded more accurate.
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You resent him because you are tired and need to get your dick wet.”
“Gabriel, seriously? Language!” Cas admonished.
His brother fell back on the floor and laughed. “Get the stick out of your ass, unless that is your thing then go for it…. but ouch.” He continued to laugh at his own jokes before he calmed down. He sat up and looked pointedly at Castiel. “He is two months old. He is just starting to find his own hands. I promise the word ‘dick’ isn’t going to scar him for life.”
Gabriel stood up and walked over to the couch. He sat down next to his brother and flung an arm around his shoulder.
“How long has it actually been?”
“Once in two and a half months.”
Gabriel hissed at the answer.
“Well, if I was Dean I wouldn’t fuck you either. You look like shit.”
Castiel’s jaw dropped. “Wow you’re an asshole.”
Castiel moved to get as far away from his brother as he could, but Gabriel grabbed his wrist and forced him to stay seated.
“I’m joking Cas! I’m joking!” Gabriel held his hands up in surrender.
A happy squeal echoed through the living room. Forcing any residual anger at Gabriel into a black hole, never to be seen again. Hunter had managed to grab the key ring and was happily flailing it around the blanket he was laying on.
Both men cheered and praised the infant. Hunter seemed to soak up the praise. More squeals and giggles tumbled out of his mouth. Castiel had never seem him so happy. Maybe being around family would be a blessing for both.
“Well that settles it then!” Gabriel clapped and stood up.
“What?”
“Pack me a bag little brother, I shall be watching the tiny human this evening while you fuck your husband silly!” Gabriel was standing like a damn superhero and seemed like he was expecting Castiel to start cheering.
Castiel scoffed, but it wasn’t out of anger. He was really touched his brother was trying hard to help.
“Ok, well if you aren’t going to fuck him silly, at least make up and get a full night’s sleep.” Gabriel shrugged at the suggestion.
“That sounds more realistic. Thank you very much. I really appreciate you doing this. I should probably apologize to Dean. It was very kind of him to call you. I’ll bring him some dinner since he has been staying so late at work.”
Gabriel slapped Castiel's shoulder. “There we go! Sounds like a plan. An unsexy plan, but a plan nonetheless.”
Castiel shook his head and smiled at his brother.
“In all seriousness, Cas it will get better. You just gotta find your groove. You are a great father and so is Dean. You’re both first time dad’s and it is hard. So, take tonight for yourselves. Take a nice long nap, an even longer shower and go drag his ass home and ravage each other.”
“Yea Gabe, will do.”
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After a stressful goodbye Castiel stood in his three-bedroom house, alone. He should feel relieved for the silence and alone time but it felt suffocating instead. He knew Gabriel would take care of his son, but he was still a ball of anxiety.
“Ok, me time.” Cas said to himself. He would force himself to be positive about this. He really did need to take care of himself
He walked into the kitchen and took out two chicken breasts. He set them on a plate and left them out to thaw. He made his way upstairs and threw himself into the memory foam mattress. He’ll have to thank his husband for his wise choice in mattress’.
He slept from noon until 5 pm. He woke up in the exact position he fell asleep in. He hadn’t moved an inch. He sat up in bed and stretched, savoring the stretch of muscles. God, he felt fantastic. He smiled and got out of bed with a bounce to his step. He grabbed his phone off the bedside table and walked to the en suite bathroom. He flicked on the heat lamps and turned on his favorite station on Pandora. He started singing along to Journey as he turned the tap of his shower on. He threw his ‘dad clothes’, which consisted of sweat pants and a tee-shirt, into the hamper and walked into the open, duel head tile shower.
He breathed deep, letting the steam wrap around him, inside and out. He will never take showers for granted again. This was blissful. Gabriel said to take some time for himself and he was going to do just that. Castiel closed his eyes and let the hot water caress his skin and massage his stiff muscles. He moaned as he flexed his shoulders and ran his hands through his hair. If only they were Deans hands… He could almost feel the strong, powerful body of his husband behind him. It is almost like that one time…
He tilted his head and Dean ran his hot tongue along the taught skin of Castiel's neck.
Castiel reached down and took his hardening length in his hand. He stroked his cock gently as the memory played out in his mind.
“You started without me…that isn’t nice.” Dean growled and nipped the junction of his neck and shoulder. Castiel gasped and moaned as Dean laved the bite with his tongue.
“I’d say I’m sorry, but if this is my punishment I’m not sorry.” Cas drawled sinfully.
Dean wrapped his arms tightly around his torso and pulled Castiel into him. His hard cock pressed into the meat of Castiel's ass. Heat washed over him as Deans hands moved up to pinch a sensitive nipple. Dean rolled bud between his fingers and Castiel bit his lip, attempting to hold back the groan rising in his chest.
“I want to hear those sweet noises Cas. Don’t hold back.” Dean ordered.
Castiel lifted his leg onto the tiled shower seat and rolled his balls as his hand squeezed tighter around his throbbing cock.
Dean held Castiel steady with a hand on his stomach while he alternated the torturous pinching and tugging of each of his nipples with his free hand. Castiel’s head lolled side to side against Deans shoulder and soft whimpers and strangled moans echoed throughout the bathroom.
Castiel lurched forward as Deans hand moved south and squeezed his cock tight.
“God yes. Dean more.” Cas thrust against his husband’s hand.
Dean moved his hand from root to tip quickly and roughly.
“Fuck!” Cas grunted, his breath coming out in pants.
Dean flexed his hips into the cleft of his ass and Castiel pushed back, encouraging his husband.
Dean groaned against Castiel's wet shoulder, jacking Cas cock quicker.
“Shit, Dean…I’m not going to last if you keep that up.” Castiel was trembling as he grabbed Deans wrist. They both stood in the billowing steam, pressed against each other, breathing heavily and trying to gather control.
Control didn’t win. Dean grabbed Castiel's shoulders and turned him around roughly. He attacked Castiel's mouth with his own, and Castiel opened willingly. Dean bit his husbands lip roughly before releasing him. Dean moved behind Castiel again, but this time pushed Castiel over so that his hands supported him on the tile shower seat. Bent over, Castiel arched his back, putting himself on display.
“Fuck you’re gorgeous.” Dean purred.
Dean leaned over Castiel's back and placed two fingers in front of his mouth.
“Suck.”
Ah, so it was going to be quick and dirty. Castiel loved it when Dean got like this.
Castiel let his eyes drift shut as his tongue wrapped around Deans fingers. He built up a good amount of spit in his mouth as he ran his tongued along the digits in his mouth.
Dean ripped his fingers lose.
“Spread ‘em Angel.” Dean’s order was dripping with lust and made Castiel shiver.
Cas widened his stance as he felt Deans finger at his entrance. With no further warning, Dean shoved a single finger inside of him.
Castiel hummed pleasantly at the intrusion. Dean was making quick work of his ass as he already felt the second finger slide in. The burn was magnificent and he pushed back wanting more.
“More…” Cas keened against his arm.
Denying his husband nothing, Dean shoved a third finger in.
“Ah, Fuck!” Cas shouted.
Castiel let go of his balls and reached behind him. He rubbed along his puckered entrance and he pressed rhythmically as his hand continued to move along his swollen length. He left the base of his cock alone and concentrated on the head of his dick. He twisted and caressed his palm over the tip. Pressure and warmth were building behind his length with each pass against the sensitive head of his cock.
Dean removed his fingers without preamble and Castiel heard the snick of a bottle opening. Castiel's hole clenched around nothing as he waited for Dean.
“You ready?”
“Always.”
In one swift thrust Dean buried himself inside his husband, punching all the air out of Castiel's lungs.
“Oh Fuck!” Cas screamed as Dean mercilessly pounded into him.
“Christ, you feel so fucking good.” Dean threw his head back, getting lost in the tight heat of his husband.
“Harder!” Castiel demanded.
Dean lifted his leg and put his foot next to Castiel's hand on the shower seat. He gripped Castiel's shoulders and pulled him back onto his cock.
“Right there! Oh, don’t stop!” Castiel begged.
“Touch yourself Cas.” The heat in Deans voice alone had Castiel on the edge.
Castiel cried out with each brutal thrust to his prostate and tug of his own cock.
“Fuck, Cas I’m close.” Dean shuddered as his fingers dug into the flesh of his hips.
“Dean…” Castiel pleaded.
With one final powerful snap of Deans hips, the pressure in Castiel's cock snapped tight and released. Castiel's eyes rolled back and a silent scream fell from his lips. White ropes of cum painted the tile as his ass contracted around Deans thick cock. As the waves of undulating pleasure dissipated, he felt Dean wrap his chest over his back and bury his face in his neck. Dean's hips stuttered and stilled. He emptied himself inside of Castiel and Deans strangled cry was muffled by his back.
Castiel's balls drew up and he threw his head back against the tile with a shout as his orgasm overtook him. His hand rapidly wringing every drop of cum out of his body as he held onto the last moment of that memory.
Castiel huffed a laughed as he smiled, basking in the tingling afterglow of his orgasm. He washed the release off of his hands and finished washing himself clean.
He turned off the tap with a certain amount of hesitation, but forced himself to get out. He towel dried his hair before wrapping the fluffy cotton around his waist. He regarded himself in the mirror and had already noticed the dark circles were much less dense. His eyes were brighter and skin had gained some color. He did need to do something about the dark scruff before it became a full-on lumberjack beard. Castiel did not feel he could rock a lumberjack look. That was more Dean’s speed.
He took the electric razor to his face first and finished off with a simple three blade. He brushed his teeth and hair and felt like a new man. Faithfully played softly in the background as he took the towel from his waist and hung it up.
He pulled on clean Calvin’s and his favorite jeans. He wanted to look good for his husband, but he didn’t want to look like he tried too hard. He went for the flattering route, rather than overdressed. He threw on a baby blue button up and rolled the sleeves. He undid the top two buttons so his collar bones and chest were on display. He was fit and he wasn’t afraid to flaunt it. Although, if he didn’t take better care of himself he would lose too much weight. Mental note taken. He slid on a pair of brown sandals to finish his wardrobe selection. It was May and perfect for the casual look he was going for. Smiling at himself in the mirror, satisfied and feeling good, he walked out of his bedroom.
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He had just finished packing up the lemon garlic asparagus and rice when the oven timer beeped.
“Alright! It’s go time.” Cas cheered as he opened the oven door, inhaling the smell of barbeque.
Castiel could eat when he got home, he was in a hurry to see Dean’s face light up with his delivery. Castiel hoped Dean would come home with him but he put the Tupperware in a recyclable grocery bag just in case. He grabbed his keys and with one last look in the mirror hurried out the door.
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Castiel was all smiles on his 15-minute drive to his husband’s garage. It was more than a garage really. It might have started out that small, but Dean being as hardworking and talented as he is turned it into a growing business. Not only do they do traditional auto repair and maintenance, but they have started a restoration wing. And to top it all off, their second location was set to open in the capital in a few months. With the monetary success of the flagship garage and the brunt of the work of the second location done, they had decided it was the perfect time to expand their family. Castiel supposed it was going to be easier now, than say, five years earlier, but with reality at his feet he realized it was difficult no matter what time. No matter how prepared you think you are, you are never truly ready.
After his talk with Gabriel and some alone time with his thoughts Castiel was ready to sweep his husband off his feet.
Castiel parked his Lincoln continental in the guest parking. He grabbed the bag from the passenger seat and shut the door. After locking his car, he all but skipped to the restoration wing. Nothing could ruin his elated mood. At least that is what he thought.
Humming, he rounded the corner of the main building and saw his husband. Only he wasn’t alone. Castiel glanced at his watch. It was 8:00 pm. The garage had been closed for 2 hours, Dean should be the only one here. Dean had told him there was an influx of restoration requests, so he stayed late to get a leg up on the orders. Lead by example he said.
Castiel stopped breathing. Dean was hugging a beautiful, dark haired woman and laughing. Not a business laugh, no, this was his genuine laugh, that only Castiel and Sam got to see. The woman untangled herself from Dean and leaned in to give him a kiss.
It felt like he jumped into ice water. He couldn’t breath and his chest seized with a pain he had never felt before. He gripped his chest and dropped the bag, Tupperware clattering to the ground.
Dean and mystery woman jumped apart. Deans face dropped as he noticed who at made the racket. That was the face of an adulterer who just got caught.
Cas choked out a sob. “So this is why you stay late?”
“Cas, no wait, it isn’t what it looks like!” Dean begged and started toward him.
“Don’t you fucking come near me!” Cas screamed, tears freshly falling.
Beseeching, Dean ignored Cas and walked towards him. “Please Cas just listen.”
Castiel backed away from his approaching husband shaking his head. He pulled the gold band from his left ring finger and threw it in Deans direction. He was so disgusted, so full of hurt he could hardly see.
He turned and ran towards his car as Dean called after him. Fumbling with his keys and trying his best to breathe through the ache overtaking his mind and body, he managed to open the door. He flung himself into the driver’s seat and started the ignition as Dean ran up to the car. Castiel locked the door and Dean pounded on the window.
“Cas! Cas, baby open the door! Let me explain!”
Castiel cracked the window and Dean stopped the assault to the car.
“Goodbye Dean.”
“No…Cas no, you don’t understand. Do NOT drive like this! Please get out of the car.”
Ignoring the pleading cries from his husband, he reversed out of the parking spot and floored it onto the highway leading back to the home he Dean once shared.
He thought it would be physically impossible to cry this much in 24 hours. He was wrong. He could barely see as a river tears fell from his eyes. His body shook with sorrow as he gasped for air. He was grieving. He grieved for himself and the betrayal he witnessed. He grieved for his husband and whatever he had done to make his husband not want him anymore. But mostly he grieved for Hunter. His poor baby, who was so new to this world and would soon be son to a single father.
A million thoughts ran through his head. It would be inappropriate to use Sam as their lawyer, so he would have to find a new one. Maybe Charlie could recommend one? Does he let Dean see Hunter? Does he let Dean into the house? Where does he bury that cunts body?
With all the traffic going through his head and his tear streaked vision, Castiel didn’t see the light turn red. It happened in a millisecond. He went from thoughts of his broken family, to a debilitating pain in his head, to all consuming blackness.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everything was patchy. He heard his name being screamed by a familiar voice. He saw flashes of red and blue. He felt the tight grip of a warm hand. He felt gentle kisses on his face from plump lips. Bright white lights flashed above him. Then he felt and saw nothing. He felt empty. He was void of purpose, void of desire, void of the want to keep fighting. He was laying in a shallow pool, nothing but shimmering white liquid above him. Muted sounds played around him. He could only make out a few words. ‘Cas.’ ‘Fight.’ ‘Please.’ ‘Love.’ ‘Hunter.’ Those words tumbled around in his brain, fighting to overpower the despair that had consumed him.
Hunter…. I had a son named Hunter once. No…. not once. I have a son named Hunter. Oh God Hunter! I can’t leave him alone. Hunter! Daddy’s coming!
Hunter!
Hunter!
“HUNTER!”
Pain ripped through his throat and a sharp white light scratched at his eyes. Strong arms held him down as he struggled to sit upright.
“Cas, calm down. Shhh, I’m here. Everything is ok.”
Everything was blurry. Everything hurt, but the deep voice was keeping the panic from taking over.
He resigned to his physical state and accepted the soothing words coming from…. wait that sounded like Dean. He was the last fucking person he wanted to see.
Cas collapsed against scratchy sheets and covered his face with his hands. He blinked behind his palms, willing his eyes to focus. The weight that was holding him down relented and he saw the white light dim. He brought his hands away from his face and squinted. His vision was clearing and he saw that he was in a hospital room.
He was also correct in assuming that the voice belonged to Dean. He looked awful. He looked like Castiel did before Gabriel’s help. Despite his worn appearance, Dean looked happy. No happy was the wrong word. Relieved? He just didn’t know anymore.
Dean had turned off the overhead light in the room and was making his way back to Castiel's hospital bed.
“Welcome back baby.” Dean breathed out with a smile so bright it could rival the sun.
He grimaced at the endearing term. He might not know what happened to him, but he remembered exactly what Dean had done.
He tore his eyes from the smile that used to captivate him. He had to, or he would just start crying again.
Dean slowly sat in the gaudy wooden chair next to his bed. He felt Dean grab his hand and bring it to his face. Castiel was about to wretch his hand free of Deans touch when a heartbreaking whimper escaped from the strongest man he knew.
Castiel turned his head to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating the sound.
He thought when he saw Dean regretting his decision to cheat it would be satisfying. What he saw, heard and felt was heartbreaking. Tremors moved through Deans shoulders and silent sobs fell from his lips. Deans head was lowered as if praying and he had a death grip on Cas’ hand.
“I’m so sorry Cas.” Dean rattled out.
Of course he is, most cheaters are at first.
“It is all my fault you got into that accident.” With mournful, red rimmed eyes he looked up at Castiel.
What?
“If I had been home more…. If I had helped you more…you wouldn’t have had to bring me dinner.” Dean sniffled and wiped his eyes and nose with the back of his free hand.
“I was staying at work late for a good reason, but I shouldn’t have been trying to finish it so quickly.” Dean was mumbling and making no sense, but if he thinks the brunette bitch was good reason to stay at work late, Dean had lost his mind.
Cas ripped his hand from Deans vice like grip.
“Dean, please just leave. I don’t know what happened but I probably need to speak with a doctor. You aren’t exactly a wealth of information. You are just pissing me off and looking at you is making me nauseated.” Cas spit out with venom.
“I didn’t cheat on you Cas.” Dean looked like Castiel had murdered his puppy in front of him.
“I know what I saw Dean. You were hugging and kissing a woman. That is cheating to me. I’m sorry if your dick in her pussy are the hard requirements for you. Can’t say I’m sorry I missed that show.” Disdain and sarcasm dripped off each word.
“Ok, I have begged for you to listen to me. So for five seconds stow your sassy bullshit and don’t interrupt me.” Dean’s expression, while still sad had a hard edge to it that had Castiel shuting his mouth.
“Her name is Lisa and she is an art professor at the university. I restored her HUSBANDS car and he mentioned the art thing when he brought her with him to pick it up. She has been helping me on a surprise for you, since I don’t know the difference between a paint brush and a colored pencil.”
Castiel had no words. He wanted to believe him he really did. Hope sparked in his heart, but he still saw what he saw.
“What you SAW, was me giving her a hug because we had just gotten back from finishing your surprise. I was thanking her and wishing her a good night. She was going to give me a kiss on the cheek. It was completely innocent Cas. I’ve spent the last month and a half preparing this for you, with her. Considering the project is for you, she wanted to know about you so she could ‘customize it’.” Dean air quoted with a smile.
“You are my entire world and I have spent all my time with her, talking about you. In return she tells me about her husband and his amazing car collection.”
Castiel could feel the pressure behind his eyes pushing the tears forward. He had been so stupid. So, so fucking stupid. Exhaustion had let doubt consume him.
“I’m sorry Dean. I should have just listened to you. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Castiel begged, reaching out to his husband.
“Shhhh, it’s ok. We are both idiots. There is nothing to forgive.” Dean leaned over and whispered into his ear. Castiel felt Dean push the gold band back onto his naked ring finger. Castiel smiled and released a shaky breath as he tried to calm himself down.
“Where is Hunter? Can I see him?”
“Sam and Gabriel are taking turns. He is in good hands. Being spoiled rotten I imagine.”
Both men laugh softly. Dean gave a soft kiss to Castiel's cheek and he noticed even that soft kiss stung. Now that he thought about it, the only thing Dean was touching was his hand.
“What happened? The last thing I remember was leaving.”
“You ran a red light and got t-boned by a duely. You have a broken leg” Cas tried to move his leg but it was stiff and a sharp pain shot though him. “and you’ve been in a coma for about a week. You had some internal bleeding.” Dean gently brushed the bandages on his head that he had no idea were there until Dean had pointed them out. “But they managed to stop it. You were touch and go for a while.” Deans voice caught in his throat. “The doctors told me you were eventually stable, but didn’t know when you would wake up.” Castiel squeezed his hand to reassure Dean he was awake and right next to him.
“Do I even want to look into a mirror right now?” Cas chuckled trying to lighten the mood.
“Probably not, but I will tell you this.” Dean leaned in and brushed soft lips against his own chapped ones. “You are the most beautiful person in the world no matter what.”
Castiel wanted to roll his eyes at the sappy comment, but he rarely got sappy Dean so he accepted it with a gracious smile.
-----------------------------------------------1 month later-----------------------------------------
Castiel was blindfolded as the impala rumbled to a stop. Dean was almost done giving life back to his totaled car so he had to settle for being chauffeured around. He had a sexy ass personal driver so he couldn’t complain much. He heard the car shut off and the squeak of the door as Dean opened it. The leather creaked as Dean stepped out and Castiel jumped as the heavy door slammed shut.
He felt a warm breezed as Dean opened the passenger side door.
“Give me your hand.”
Castiel reached out to thin air.
“Wait hold on.”
Castiel felt his husband’s large hands run down his thigh and press.
“I didn’t realize it was going to be that kind of outing.” Castiel snarked playfully.
“Ha-ha. Lift your legs and move them to the right. I’m trying to get you out of this car without damaging you further.”
“Well that is a bummer.” He faked a pout.
Castiel managed to maneuver his legs out of baby onto the ground.
“Alright, now give me your hands.”
Castiel reached out blindly and found his husband’s hands quickly. He skootched forward and let Dean pull him up and out of the car. He used Deans shoulders to balance on one leg as Dean reached in to grab the crutches. Dean guided his hands to the soft wood of the crutches. Castiel took them and placed them under his armpits, finally able to stand on his own.
“Ok, take a step forward and stop.” Dean instructed.
Castiel smiled under the blindfold, anticipation itched under his skin.
He heard the car door behind him shut and felt Dean move in behind him. The solid warmth from the man he loved grounded him. Another breeze moved through his thin tee shirt and linen pants. He took a deep breath. The wind was warm and carried notes of gardenias and fresh cut grass. He had no idea where he was, but it was a place he wouldn’t mind spending more time at.
“You ready?” Dean asked, snapping him out of his reverie.
“Always.”
“Welcome to your new sanctuary.” Dean untied the knot behind his head and the blind fold slipped free.
Castiel blinked away the bright sunlight and gasped at what stood in front of him.
“Oh Dean…you bought me a house?” Cas tilted his head to the side trying to understand what he was looking at.
A quaint cottage, surrounded by beautiful green grass and an assortment of flora stood in front of him. There was a small lake, sparkling in the early July sun, down the hill the cottage stood on. Willows swayed in the breeze on the bank of the lake. Wait…he knew those willow trees. He squinted and tried to see what was on the other side of the lake, but the willows were blocking his view.
“You aren’t imaging it. You are exactly where you think you are.” Dean shuffled his feet and blushed.
“Dean…how…” Cas said in awe.
“Come on, it gets better.” Dean winked
He wanted to hold Deans hand as his husband showed off his hard work, but Dean had other ideas. Cas hobbled his way up the gravel path that led to the front door. Dean fished out keys from his pocket and opened the door.
“Give me your crutches.” Dean held out his hand.
“You want me to jump on one leg for the grand tour?”
“Just give me the damn crutches.” Dean rolled his eyes playfully.
Cas took a second to level his balance as Dean put the crutches just inside the door.
Cas quirked an eyebrow as Dean walked back over to him. Without warning Dean swept Castiel's good leg out from under him. He wrapped his arms around his husbands neck out of instinct, or panic, he wasn’t sure which one yet.
Cas let out a full body laugh when he realized Dean was carrying him, bridal style, over the threshold. They had to walk into the cottage sideways because Cas leg was still fully in a cast, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
Castiel stared into the mesmerizing green eyes of his husband. Even the fresh trees and grass couldn’t compete with the emerald hues of his eyes. Dean gazed back and poured all his love, joy and happiness into a breathtaking kiss.
Dean gently put his feet back on the ground. Castiel would have been more than happy staying in his husband’s arms, kissing each other silly, but he did want to see the rest of his surprise. Dean reached over to the wall and grabbed his crutches. He took them and stood upright. He finally allowed himself to look across the open space and he almost fell over. He didn’t know if he should jump up and down with joy, scream with surprise, or cry from the overwhelming love he felt for his husband at this very moment. He felt all of it at once, but he couldn’t make a sound.
It was an art studio. Dean Winchester made him his own art studio, from the ground up.
To his left, a wooden work table lined the wall, and shelves held buckets and buckets of brushes and blank canvas’ of all sizes. To his right was a kitchen with 3 sinks, a refrigerator, and a small stove and oven combo. One of the sinks was stainless steel and deep. Perfect for cleaning brushes. An open window, with white lace curtains blowing in the wind, sat above the traditional sink. A small table sat in the middle of kitchen area, two gardenias sat in a small vase in the center of the table. In between the back wall and the kitchen, was a corner with a wooden gate bolted into the wall. Inside the gate, the tile floor was lined with foam tiles of multiple colors. There was a toy box in the corner and a pack and play sitting on the outside of the gate. But what really took his breath away was the back wall. Castiel limped across the room in a captivated daze. The entire back wall of the cottage was made of floor to ceiling windows. The windows looked out over the grassy hill that led to the lake. The windows looked over the exact spot that Dean Winchester had asked him to marry him.
It was too much, but it was so perfect. He felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t do something with this overwhelming surge of emotion. He was just so completely happy.
He turned around to look at Dean, his husband, the love of his life, his soul mate. Dean was sitting in one of the wicker chairs at the small kitchen table, smiling bashfully.
“Do you like it?” Dean asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
He dropped his crutches and attempted to run to his husband. Dean jumped out of his chair and caught Castiel before he fell after only making it three feet.
Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around Deans neck and crashed his lips to his husbands. He was left speechless at this amazing gift. He was left speechless at the amount of thought that went into it. He was speechless and hoped he could show Dean what this meant to him. Dean stumbled back into the chair. Cas straddled him as Dean opened his mouth to Castiel's needy tongue. Their tongues danced together and Castiel swallowed Deans moan happily. They broke apart gasping and smiling.
“I love it, and I love you Dean Winchester.”
“I love you too Castiel Winchester. I’m forever yours, faithfully.”
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