Chapter Text
Haruka wasn’t usually one to have nightmares.
He was completely the polar opposite of scaredy-cat Makoto, who would shudder and squirm uncomfortably whenever Nagisa would suggest a scary movie during a sleepover and still kept a light on in his room past the age that most people would deem it “acceptable”. Not that Haruka really minded. The light was easy to ignore when he slept over, as Makoto was big enough to block out most of its brightness when he was curled up against the shorter teen. He had no reason to mind when Makoto clung to his shirt or arm or even his waist (though sometimes he would end up cutting off his circulation) as a side character was suddenly violently beheaded. In fact, he might have even enjoyed it a little. Maybe that was why he would responded to Nagisa’s horrible movie suggestions with a dry “Sounds fine to me”, much to the chagrin of Makoto and Rei.
“All right Haru-chan, that’s the spirit! Everyone knows watching horror movies builds character!” Nagisa cheered as went to turn on the DVD player.
Okay, maybe he enjoyed it more than a little.
“How could you sleep so well after that movie last night, Haru?” Makoto asked, as he rolled up the futon Nagisa and Rei had been sleeping on. “I got up about five times thinking I heard something and you were out like a light!”
Haruka shrugged, not mentioning that he had been woken up last night when Makoto had suddenly clung to him, eyes squeezed shut and a deep frown on his face. Haruka wasn’t really what you would call a “huggy” person, but seeing how much Makoto calmed down after feeling Haruka’s presence let him easily drift back to sleep, encompassed by the taller boy’s warmth. “Well, I guess if there’s two things you do well: it’s swimming and sleeping” Makoto chuckled. “Maybe you should start devoting some of that concentration to school, too?”
Haruka didn’t respond as he glanced away in thought. He would usually have restful nights, this was true. But when he did have nightmares…
Real. That would be the best way to describe them. Horribly, terribly real. Even when he found himself in a situation that he knew, logically, had to be a dream; Like when he went up to the bathroom mirror to see his skin melting off his face, he didn’t just see it. He felt the heat, the pain. Or when he arrived at school only to find that the doors lead to more hallways. Staircases he knew should lead him up to the rooftop to have lunch with his team instead lead him farther down into a basement and the sudden, chilling realization that he was the only person in the school, in the labyrinth of unending hallways and doors and no matter how fast he ran he couldn’t get anywhere, couldn’t escape—
Unlike Makoto, he couldn’t wake himself up. He would try thinking “This is a dream, so wake up already”, but it didn’t work. Nothing he tried worked. It was usually the loud buzzing of his alarm clock or cell phone that would send him tumbling out of the bed, covered in a cold sweat and gasping for air.
“They might think I really was crazy if they knew that” So Haruka never told anyone. He never had his night terrors when sleeping with other people around, so they had no reason to suspect anything.
Of course, his nightmares weren’t just bizarre in a way that, deep down, he knew couldn’t possibly be real. ¬No, the worst nightmares were the ones that seemed grounded in reality.
Two weeks after the regional tournament, Haruka was at swim practice with everyone as usual when Gou suddenly ran up to them, eyes full of tears.
“What’s wrong, Gou?” Rei was the first to ask.
“It’s my brother, he’s—“ She tightened the grip on her cell phone. “He just said that he’s gone back to Australia!” She sniffled a bit. “Why? It’s so sudden—“
Haruka didn’t hear any conversation after that. He just heard the sound of water, crushing waves surrounding him, suffocating him. Dragged down again, into that feeling from ten years ago when he beat Rin, that feeling of when he lost to Rin at the 100m free.
It was a week later. He had recovered his composure. After all, he still had Nagisa, Rei, Makoto…it wasn’t like last time. Maybe Rin had his own reasons for leaving so suddenly, but he would come back. Come back and explain himself, apologize…
Haruka came out of the bath, pajama pants and one of Makoto’s shirt hanging loosely on his frame as he turned on the TV. The first station that came on was the news.
“In a tragic turn of events, one of Samezuka’s most brilliant swimmers. Rin Matsuoka, has suddenly—“
What?
“—while participating in an Australian training camp was pronounced dead this evening after being pulled to shore, despite several attempts to revive hi—“
Haruka could feel his heart pound faster and harder until it felt like it was about to explode out of his chest. The loud pulsing in his ears was the only thing he could hear as he tried to piece his thoughts together.
Rin.
Rin was—
“Rin!!”
Haruka shot out of bed, landing on his feet as he threw his blanket off of himself. He stood there for a few seconds, unable to get his bearings as he gulped air into his lungs.
"A dream…?! That’s-" Haruka sighed and flopped back onto his bed, glancing over at the clock. 7:30 AM flashed back at him, signaling that he had slept through his alarm and that Makoto would be over any second to make sure that he would at least be out of the tub at this time.
Haruka shakily put his hand up to his forehead, wiping the beads of sweat off. It was a dream, right? It had to be, there was no way that Rin could be…
“Haru?” The sound of Makoto opening the back door to his house and his voice calling to him snapped Haruka back into reality.
Haruka took a few more steadying breaths before he quickly ran into the bathroom to wash his face, attempting to gain as much composure as possible before Makoto peered his smiling face in. “Wow, you’re actually not in the- Did you just wake up?” Makoto frowned puzzledly as Haruka practically threw off his pajamas in order to change into his uniform.
“Don’t tell me you slept through your al- Haru?” In a flash Haruka had grabbed his bag and coat, avoiding meeting Makoto’s eyes.
“I’m ready”. There wasn’t really any time to make mackerel this morning, and even if there had been, the pit in his stomach had him too nauseous for his favorite food.
Makoto studied Haruka’s face with a slight frown for a moment before smiling lightly and following him out the door. “Okay, let’s go.” Haruka knew that Makoto could sense something was off, which only made him try to hide it more. It was a mixture of embarrassment and not wanting to worry Makoto that prevented him from saying anything, though he was more than certain that making fun of him would be the last thing Makoto did.
They walked in silence for a few minutes with Makoto peering at the other’s face every so often, in a debate with himself over to ask what was wrong or to just pick a subject of conversation that would probably lighten his friend’s mood. He choose the later.
“Ah, that’s right, Haru. Samezuka’s captain finally got back to me last night. He said next Monday is good for another joint practice” He smiled, seeing that Haruka was at least looking over at him. “Nagisa said it might be a good idea to go out to dinner after, though I guess we’ll have to check with Gou-chan to make sure that he doesn’t pick someplace that Rin dislikes…”
There it was: confirmation that it really WAS all just a dream. Haruka relaxed his shoulders with a visible exhale then looked over at Makoto with his lips curled up just slightly, though the smile increased when he saw Makoto’s eyes brighten in response “Yeah”
It wasn’t until a few weeks later that he was visited by another terror, even worse than the previous one.
The day begun normally. Wake up, put on swimsuit, sit in the bath for no less than 30 minutes, and then (if Makoto happens to be running late) get up and make breakfast. As he sat in the kitchen munching on his grilled mackerel, something seemed off. Makoto still hadn’t shown up. Even if he was late getting up, he would usually text him with something like “Running late had to get the twins ready for school, so please make sure you’re at least out of the tub!” and burst in suddenly with an apologetic smile and a “Sorry, Haru!”
Neither of those things happened. Haruka glanced at the clock, thinking that if he didn’t leave now he really was going to miss his first class. With a sigh he grabbed his school bag and shuffled out the door. Even if he didn’t participate in most of their walking-to-school conversation, walking by himself was still pretty lonely.
Haruka stared at Makoto’s seat. It was empty. He frowned lightly and shifted his glance back to the window as the class was dismissed for lunch.
Is he feeling sick? No, usually he texts me even if he is…Maybe he’s feeling too awful to even get to his phone?
The thought made Haruka grimace and motivated him to retrieve his much-ignored cell phone out of the bottom of his bag and send a text message.
To: Makoto
Subject: [None]
Are you sick? Don’t just keep it to yourself if you are.
With a press of the send button Haru headed up the stairs to the roof to meet Nagisa and Rei, idly wondering if they would both be willing to share their bento since he had forgotten to pack his own in the weirdness of the morning.
There was no one.
Haruka looked around the roof for any sign of Rei and Nagisa. He couldn’t hear the familiar sound of Nagisa’s laughter or Rei’s flustered responses to Nagisa’s teasing.
Were they still in class?
No, not there either. After glancing around the empty first year classroom for a moment, Haru let out a frustrated sigh and headed towards the swim club room. He was feeling irritated at the prospect of the two of them starting a random lunchtime practice without him, but some swimming might be just what he needed.
“Nagisa? Rei?” Haruka looked around the empty cubby area. No sign of Nagisa and Rei’s bags, and Gou wasn’t here either.
Haruka clenched and unclenched his fist a few times, a sense of dread beginning to creep up on him.
This is stupid, he thought, as he quickly turned and walked briskly towards the school gate. I’m going home. For reasons he didn’t quite understand, Haru quickened his pace as he began to walk back home, as if something was following him.
But there was nothing. He walked home by himself.
The next day, Makoto still hadn’t responded and once again didn’t pick Haru up from school.
Now it was getting into the realm of extremely bizarre behavior. Makoto always responded to Haruka’s texts and calls, even if it usually took Haruka at least 12 hours to responded to something from Makoto (though that was usually because he barely ever had his phone with him). And to not meet him for school two days in a row? Something really had to be wrong.
Haru jogged up the stairs towards Makoto’s house, though he wasn’t sure why he felt in such a hurry to get there. His mom will probably just answer the door and say Makoto’s caught a bad flu…probably got it from Ren, he was sick all last week.
He couldn’t help but smile lightly, remembering how he and Makoto ended up being in charge of entertaining Ran during a sleepover. Ren and Ran fought constantly, but when one twin was sick the other would end up extremely lonely and even more desperate for Makoto and Haruka’s attention.
Haruka ran the doorbell, waiting for a few seconds before glancing in the window. It was all dark inside and he couldn’t see anything or anyone. He rang it again. Then a third time, then a fourth…
Nothing.
With a quick spin on his heel, Haru ran all the way back down the stairs and back to his own home. He had been used to living alone for a while now, but as of this moment he felt as if the silence was closing in on him.
Haruka eventually went to school, though he was late for his second period class. Not that he could bring himself to care.
Once again, Nagisa and Rei were nowhere to be found and now even Gou seemed to be missing. Haruka went home early again, immediately checking his phone for any messages. There were none.
Another day passed. Then another, and another, and then it had been three weeks. Three weeks since Haru had seen or heard from any of them. He eventually stopped going to school entirely, feeling all motivation to do anything besides wander Iwatobi aimlessly slipping from him.
The silence was deafening, and it felt as if it had closed in so tightly around him that he could barely breathe.
Was this it? Was this how he was going to be, forever?
Even soaking in the tub had lost its therapeutic effect for Haru. Even as he sat in it, the water splashing around his body couldn’t drown out the sound of his own thoughts.
I can’t…
He sunk his head under, suddenly feeling the floor of the tub disappear from underneath him. He was floating. Floating there, then sinking. Sinking down into the darkness, the silence.
I can’t take this.
Haruka felt his lungs screaming at him for air, but he didn’t care. He made no effort to swim to the surface, not that he could see it at this point. He could only see pitch blackness around him, felt nothing but cold as he sank further, further…
The shrill buzz of his doorbell woke Haru with a mix of a strangled scream and a gasp. His whole body jolted awake so violently that he ended up flipping onto the floor, facedown as he tried desperately to actually breathe and get some semblance of orientation as to where he was. How he managed to push himself into a standing position when his body was shaking as badly as it was he didn’t know. All he knew was that upon managing to reach the door and push it open, he saw Makoto.
Makoto was there, his smile gentle as he went to say “Good morning”, but once he saw Haruka standing there- trembling, cheeks flushed and seeming to have issues breathing, his green eyes immediately flashed with deep concern.
“Haru, what’s wr-“
Makoto’s height and build meant that he wasn’t pushed around very easily, but when Haruka ran at Makoto to hug him, desperately clinging onto the taller boy’s body, Makoto had to take a few steps back to steady himself and prevent the both of them from crashing to the cement.