The Secret Queen

by griffindork93

Summary:

Roald fell in love with Kel, the only girl willing to become a knight. Kel loves Roald, but he's a prince and above her station. Her father is in charge with arranging Roald a marriage to a Yamani princess. The princess turns out to be a girl she had been friends with. Roald and Shinko discover that Shinko is infertile, and approach Kel to ask her to secretly bear King Roald the heir to the kingdom so as to not dismantle the peace between Tortall and the Yamani Islands.

Chapter 1

Notes:

I just needed to edit the timeline line a little bit in this chapter as I realized it didn't match up. So you can ignore any message that says I've posted chapter 1 of this story.

 

Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan subtly wiped her tears.

The wedding was beautiful, but its elegance was not the reason for her tears. Nor was it joy or the love shared between bride and groom.

Kel’s tears were born of a broken heart, of unrequited love. Jealousy burned in her heart. She feared her Yamani stone mask might crack from the force of her feelings. She desperately wished it was her standing at the altar, vowing to love him forever and be there for him in his time of need and gift him with many sons.

King Jonathan IV of Conte had stepped down, allowing his oldest son to ascend the throne, but only if he married first. Prince Roald agreed, and was now marrying his Yamani fiancée of seven years. So Kel stood, suffering silently, as she watched the man she loved marry one of her closest friends.

She couldn’t help but wonder, if she had told him how she felt, would he have picked her? Would he renounce Shinko and her alliance with the Yamani Islands, throw her father’s efforts and reputation away and marry her?

Kel mentally shook the traitorous thoughts from herself, reminding herself to be as smooth as stone and calm as water. This marriage was what was best for Tortall. She could not let her feelings ruin this. She could cry later, when there was no one around to witness her disgrace.

The marriage ceremony blended into Roald’s coronation ceremony, after which the year’s largest celebration was held. Kel was expected to attend, both as a Knight of the Realm and as one of the few people knowledgeable of Yamani language and customs, but also as Roald’s and Shinko’s friend. She would be expected to dance and drink in merriment, giving the newly crowned King and Queen her congratulations.

So Keladry completed her duty. She took a few turns around the floor with Neal, Owen, Cleon, Dom and her old Knight Master Raoul. She offered their Majesties sincere wishes for a happy marriage. Then she retreated to her room for the night so she could cry alone.

XxxthesecretqueenxxX

Kel fled the palace the morning after the festivities. She spent a year traveling with the Own, always a task that she enjoyed. Working with the Own wasn’t easy, and often sent squires running back to the palace to beg placement anywhere else, but Kel loved it. It was fast paced, always moving to the next crisis that needed them. Kel lost herself in weeks of traveling, fighting monsters, rebuilding villages, breaking down camp, and generally not thinking. Simply, she let herself forget and healed her heartbreak.

She only returned to the palace twice; once, for the weeklong Midwinter celebration. Kel usually loved giving and receiving gifts, but now Midwinter only reminded her of stolen kisses for luck in shadowy alcoves and secret gifts passed between her and Roald.

And a second time, during summer, she watched Roald and Shinkokami jump over the embers on Beltane while the city of Corus cried out for a prince of princess. Jumping over the embers was supposed to be a prayer to the gods, asking for fertility and a baby for the new year.

After that, she vowed to never return. Kel travelled, by herself or with the Own, hunting down nasty creatures like Stormwings, Spidrens, centaurs, and the occasional Taurus, that preyed on defenseless people. She did not return to Corus until she was summoned by the King.

XxxthesecretqueenxxX

Keladry was confused. Why in Mithros’s name had she been asked to meet in an out of the way empty chamber? In the late hours of the night? There were four bells before the sun rose? What could not wait for Mithros to bless the day? Was her king going to send her on a secret assignment?

The door creaked open and Kel hurried to bow as their Majesties entered.

“Please, Kel. We’re friends.”

More confused than ever Kel sat in a chair across from the monarchs. Roald’s left hand was tightly entwined with the Queen’s right. His other hand rested on the table, trembling.

“I have a favor to ask of you, Kel.”

“Anything, my liege.” She promised at once. There was nothing Kel wouldn’t do for the man she loved.

Roald smiled wryly. “You might want to hear us out, first, before making promises you cannot keep.”

Kel studied the couple. Both appeared nervous. It worried her. Roald and Shinko were very good at keeping their calm, composed, and pleasant masks in place, despite the less than complimentary circumstances. Roald was fidgeting, something she hadn’t seen him do since he was a page. And Shinko, being raised on the Yamani Islands, should have had no trouble hiding the fear, uncertainty, anxiousness, and hope she was feeling, but they all shone clearly in her dark eyes.

Whatever they needed her help with, it was serious. It was obviously causing them trouble, so Kel would do whatever was necessary to find a solution.

“As you know,” began Roald, “it’s been over a year since our marriage. Both my advisors and the Yamani Islands are clamoring for an heir.”

Kel nodded. She knew the frenzy Tortall was in over the marriage and their expectations of a royal baby. The nobles were already jostling amongst themselves to be the one in the best position when the baby was confirmed. The older ladies were pushing for their daughters to have children so that they could tie their family with the royal family in the years to come.

“However, Shinko has yet to be with child.” That wasn’t too concerning. They had only been married a year. Not every couple could conceive quickly. “Duke Baird tested her. The Queen is infertile.”

Kel closed her eyes as her friend burst into tears. That was the worst news any women could be given, the knowledge that the gods had denied her the joy of children. And it was even more so for Shinkokami. She was the Queen, and Tortall’s alliance with the Yamani Islands depending on her giving birth to a child of the two countries. The peace treaty her father had negotiated was at risk.

Kel could see why she was asked to meet in the dead of night, but not why Roald had cautioned her against making promises she could not keep. She would set out immediately for Mindelan and talk with her father. Baron Piers had arranged for the Yamani bride. He would understand the severity of the situation and find a solution that would work without disgracing Shinko.

“We need your help, Kel.” Shinko’s voice shook. “We’d understand if you were to refuse.”

“I’ll do anything I can to help.” She affirmed. Shinko smiled weakly.

“Will you carry my husband’s baby? Will you provide Tortall with an heir?”

All feelings left Kel. Numbness settled in her. “Are you asking me to replace you? As Queen? I can’t do that!”

Roald quickly assured her that she wasn’t expected to marry him. “No. We just need you to lay with him until you are with child.” Shinko explained.

“No one must know. Tortall will believe the child to be mine and the Queen’s.”

Horror filled Kel. She stood up so quickly the chair crashed to the ground. It echoed in the room. How could they ask such a favor of her? Did they know what they were asking her to do? To bear bastard children to the throne? What would happen when the Yamani learned the prince’s mother was not the princess they sent overseas, but a simple female knight not even in one of the Books of families, seeing as Mindelan was a young fief her father was awarded with for settling the peace treaty. This would send two nations to war.

“Please, Kel, hear us out.” Kel could barely stand to look at the girl she once knew as Cricket. That was before she had learned she was a Yamani princess. How could Shinko sit there, offering to share her husband with another woman?

“Why me?”

“Because Roald loves you.” Kel whipped her head up at Shinko’s simple answer. The Queen did not seem upset by the fact that her husband loved another woman. In fact, she seemed happy. Roald didn’t look ashamed or embarrassed that she had admitted what should have been his deepest, darkest secret.

“Roald loves you, Kel.” Shinko repeated. “He has for many years. He agreed to marry me to generate peace between our countries. With time, we have grown to care for each other. I care for him, and he for me, but it is not enough. It is not the same as love. This was my idea. Tortall will have their foreign Queen and Roald will have you.”

Kel took deep, steadying breathes, repeating her mantra, you are stone, until she could speak without raising her voice.

“Is this the only way? Is this what you truly want?”

The two monarchs nodded. “May I have some time?”

“However long you need.”

Kel did not wait for Roald’s dismissal. She excused herself and walked quickly back to her room. With the door shut and locked, she fell boneless atop her covers.

Unbidden, all her memories of her and Roald replayed themselves. She had been foolish then, naïve, to think that their secret get togethers meant anything. The moments alone in his room as the pair studied together long after the rest of their group of friend had called it quits. The many kisses they shared, the thrill she felt each time she saw him smile without his princely mask.

How could she agree? This was the King. She had buried her feelings for the last time when she officially lost him to another woman. She was nothing more than his knight, his weapon to call upon. Was she ready to give up her shield for crown and country? She had persevered through Joren’s hazing and bullying, taunts of being “The Girl,” and attacks on her and her maid. She had only had her shield for three years. Was she ready to put it down?

But how could she not agree. Her heart was jumping at the chance to be with the man she loved with no repercussions, so long as the child’s true parentage was never known. She had sworn an oath to serve her King in whatever manner he required, and she had sworn it again when Roald ascended to the throne. Duty compelled her to say yes.

XxxthesecretqueenxxX

Kel took three days to debate over the pros and cons of her decision. When she asked to meet on that third night she had her answer.

“I’ll bear an heir for you.”

Her firm statement caused Shinkokami to sag in relief and promptly engulf her in a hug. “I promise you won’t regret this.”

She had decided to go ahead with their plan. But she didn’t think it would fool anyone.

And if it did, well, either way, it would be the only child Kel would ever have. Hers and Roald’s child would be perfect. Having a baby with him would ruin every other man for her. Kel resigned herself to the fact that for a short time, he would be hers, and that she would always know the truth.

Kel smiled bitterly. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

 

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Kel hovered in the hall just outside the King’s chambers. The flickering torch threw shadows across her face.

The last time she had been in Roald’s rooms was shortly after he had earned his shield. She had watched him stumble out of the Chamber of Ordeal. He had looked exhausted and fear shone in his eyes.

He couldn’t say what he experienced inside the Chamber. It was forbidden. Many squires and pages said you would be cursed if you did, what it showed you would come true. But Keladry knew she played a part in it, for the first thing the newly knighted prince had done was seek her out.

They had returned to his rooms and the female squire could only wrap him in her embrace and whisper soothing lies, because even if she had known what Roald had seen that frightened him so much, she could not promise that such an event would never happen in the future.

As her knight master Raoul of Goldenlake had said, "When people say a knight's job is all glory, I laugh, and laugh, and laugh.”

And it was true. Being a knight was more than a shiny shield and glorious victory on the battlefield. Knights were people of honor and duty. They protected the small, those unable to protect themselves. They raced to the aide of those that cried out for help. They buried villages after mud slides and hunted down immortals like Spidrens and Centaurs.

It was rough dirty work that Kel would never give up. Not after all the work she had put into earning her shield.

Except for Roald. She could still remember the first time he kissed her.

Kel had returned to the palace early. She had forgone visiting her parents in Mindelan in favor of traveling with the Own for one summer. Unlike the other seasons, in which they mostly dealt with natural disasters that affected towns and the occasional bandits, the Own spent the entire summer on the move, chasing one immortal after another, one kidnapper after another, and serving as labor for tilling the fields for planting in the fall.

The tall girl hadn’t been happy with her early arrival.

It was the summer after the Grand Progress. Yamani Princess Shinkokami had been well received by the people of Tortall, Cleon had broken up with her, and she had realized that her passion for the red headed giant was a great as she thought and that a stronger fire yearned for the Prince’s affections.

Kel had cursed to herself in Yamani when she realized that she was jealous of the girl she had used to play with. How could she have been so stupid as to fall for Roald? He was the crown Prince. He was above her station, out of her league. She would never have a chance with him even before his betrothal.

She wasn’t sure what it was that finally made her acknowledge her affections. Maybe it was all of Cricket’s questions, wanting to know everything about the man she would wed one day, questions Kel had all the answers to. His favorite meal, a succulent, tender rib with caramelized vegetables and hash. How many languages he spoke, one but he was learning Yamani and Scanran. What he did to relax, enjoy a fun practice bout with a friend or read history books. Did he have a Gift, yes, he could heal. There were many more, his daily routine, his closest friends, his relationship with his parents, how did he feel about women learning the ways of a knight, how would she describe him. Kel had an answer for every one of them.

Maybe it was how even after they were both squires they would still meet in his rooms for study nights whenever they were both at the palace. Maybe it was the time he had said he admired her for risking four years of training to save Lalasa, who everyone else viewed as just a servant girl. Maybe it was the one time she had danced in his arms, or how he congratulated her from knocking him off his horse in a joust. Maybe it was because he treated her as both a female and a knight in training.

It was a million of little things that seemed so small on their own, but when put together painted a larger picture.

She, Keladry of Mindelan, was in love with Prince Roald of Conté.

So, cognizant of her feelings, and knowing that it would only hurt her down the road to harbor them, Kel had resolved to stay away from her fellow squire as much as possible.

She had failed spectacularly. Not even a week into her being back at the palace she had run into the prince. Literally. They had crashed straight into each other and Kel had been sent flying towards the ground from her incoordination after a summer’s growth.

He had caught her with ease, almost as if she didn’t have two inches and twenty pounds on him.

For a moment she had been stunned, partly because he had managed not to drop her, but mostly because of his smile. She had not known it at the time, but Roald had been limited to the palace all summer, and away from prying eyes and the well wishes of his people, he and Shinkokami had the time to talk about their betrothal. The princess of the Yamani Islands had softly admitted there was someone she loved back on the islands, but that she could not refuse the emperor. Roald had admitted his own feelings for the only girl willing to become a knight.

The two royal children had become closing after disclosing their deepest secrets, both relieved that the other was not entering the marriage with hopes of it turning into true love. Shinko had told Roald he could chase Kel’s skirts so long as he was discreet. She was not callous enough to deny him the chance to be with the girl he loved because she couldn’t have her happy ending.

So Roald had been overjoyed to bump into his crush and it showed on his face.

And seeing his true emotions, not just those he revealed through his princely mask, Kel had been dazzled, had forgotten she was trying to avoid him, and accepted his invitation for a mock spar.

Afterwards, he had tucked her short bob behind her ear, drew her left hand up to his mouth, and ghosted his lips over her bruised knuckles. “You look beautiful, Kel.”

Kel had felt herself redden. She was dressed like a man, in tunic and leggings, which were crumpled and torn, covered from head to toe with black and blue blemishes from jousting practice with Raoul. She didn’t even deserve a ‘you look good.’

And then he had completely stunned her by stealing a quick kiss.

Kel didn’t know how long she had stood there, watching his retreating back until long after he had disappeared from her sight.

After that day she had known it was futile. She had lost, surrendered herself to emotions she wasn’t allowed to feel.

Roald had started a tradition that day, taking her by surprise with a quick kiss when he caught her alone. She had questioned once, sometime after the eighth kiss, what he was doing kissing her when he was to marry Shinkokami.

Kel foolishly took that to hope that the betrothal would be called off, only to have her heart broken almost a year later when he said he would be going through with it.

She had stormed away from him, itching to slap him for leading her along, for letting her believe she could ever be with him outside the shadowy alcoves of the palace. She had vented her frustration on several tilts at the quintains.

After that day she made sure to never be alone with the prince again.

But, despite the terrible heartache that day had caused her, she could not get rid of her feelings so easily. They weren’t like her hair, able to be cut on a whim. Scars of the heart were never dealt with so nicely.

And now all her former feelings for the dark haired man were building up, threatening to burst. And they only compounded her nervousness.

Kel had slept beside a man before, but she had never actually lain with Cleon or Dom. She had no experience in these matters and only knew what was expected of her because of her sisters’, Adalia, Oranie, Patricine and Demadria, and her sisters-in-laws’ Vorinna and Tilaine detailing their exploits and gossiping over what they did in bed and whose husband was the best at pleasing them.

But she had no experience herself. What was she supposed to do when Roald opened his door? Should she just lay on his bed and let him take her? Should she try to enjoy it? Should she take this as her chance to be with him, with his wife’s approval nonetheless?

Kel quietly knocked on his door, which swung open before she could step back into the shadows, almost as if he had been standing by the door waiting for her.

Roald stepped aside and she slipped under his arm and into his rooms.

She bit her lip anxiously as he led her over to his luxurious bed. The same bed he had lain with the Queen in. All of a sudden the enormity of what she was doing hit her. She was going to have the King and Queen’s child. What would she tell her family when they heard rumor that she was with child? What would Shinko do, for it would be rather obvious if she suddenly gave birth with no warning?

How did she ever think she could get away with this deception?

Roald had misinterpreted her hesitancy. “There’s no need to be shy, Kel. I’ll show you what to do. Just trust me.”

Kel couldn’t bring herself to tell him about her worries, that her family would be shamed, that she might be disowned, that she didn’t think they could hide this secret on their own. His voice was so gentle, so loving, that she let go of her blank mask for one night and allowed herself a chance she thought lost.

Afterwards she snuck out of his chambers, ignoring his pleas for her to stay the night there and not responding to his mumbled “I love you.”

She would not let herself be fooled again. She might be able to be with him as a husband and wife are, and she would give him a child that was half her, but she would not allow herself to love him.

This was a favor for her King and Queen. The man she loved and the friend she cherished. And it would be no more than that. It did not matter that she loved him and he loved her, or that Shinko had given her approval. She would not make the mistake of hoping for more.

Kel knew her place. She was a convenient womb to bear children. She would give Tortal and heir, and after the child was born she would take up her shield again.

Chapter 3

Keladry could not remember a time when wearing her Yamani mask stressed her as much as it had the past fortnight.

Not even during her days as a page when she wore it as a shield to Joren’s and his friends’ cruel taunts.

There were moments, then, where she struggled to hold it in place. Especially during her years as a squire. But the will she had to summon to keep it in place during her illicit nighttime rendezvous well surpassed petty insults of ‘The Girl.’

Every night for two weeks, she returned to the King’s rooms. And every night she left despite his pleas for her remain in his arms.

To Kel, it felt like she was someone else. One of those ladies at court that wore ear bobs and other frippery and looked at a lance in horror when it smashed into a man’s breastplate, sending wooden debris, and sometimes even men, flying.

She could not practice with the squires that had yet to be chosen by a Knight master. Nor could she go out with the Own like she normally did when the need to being doing something struck her. All of the activities she enjoyed, practice bouts, tilting, and her morning warm up with the glaive, were considered too physically strenuous.

Such activities posed a risk to the baby she might be carrying.

A feeling of being trapped was coming down upon her. And that feeling only grew stronger when she woke on Earthsday to a clean loincloth.

Kel’s monthlies were regular. She could expect them to start the first Earthsday of each month and end on Sunsday. So she knew, when she woke the morning of Earthsday to no blood, no cramps, and no headache that her deepest desire and worst nightmare had come true.

She was with child.

The Knight knew that Roald and Shinko would be ecstatic. But Kel’s own feelings were a tsunami.

She was going to be a mother. And Kel was delighted about that fact. She was an aunt many times over, what with six of her siblings married and thirteen children between them, and more on the way. Kel grew up with a large family and wanted the same for her children. She loved her mother and only hoped she could be half as good a mother as Ilane of Mindelan.

And the child was also Roald’s. The man she loved.

But all her negative feelings, fear, worry, regret, resentment were for the same reason.

She should not have agreed to this foolish plan. How could she hide this child when her belly began to swell? How would the Queen mimic the signs of pregnancy? What would happen when the scam was uncovered? Roald would never sentence her to prison or Execution Hill, but her honor and her family’s honor would be ruined.

Maybe she could leave? Flee the palace. Go somewhere no one would look for her. Return to Mindelan and pretend the babe came from a one night union. Her parents would see her married off straight away to a man that would not care that the child was not his own. She would be safe from disgrace.

As quickly as the idea came to Kel’s mind it was gone. She could not go back on her word so casually. She had given Roald an oath as a Knight of the Realm and refused to break it.

Kel studied her reflection in the mirror as she dressed, self-conscious of her midriff. Her hands lingered there although she knew she would be unable to feel her child moving yet, imagining it rounded with her child. Her heart fluttered at the thought.

She had always thought it foolish when her sisters would coo and whisper to their enlarged stomachs as if the baby could hear their words. But now that it was her turn, Kel understood. It was natural. It didn’t make her feel stupid at all.

“I hope that you don’t hate me for what I’ve done, little one. Just know that I will always love you.”

Her hands lingered for a moment longer. Her child. Kel rather liked the sound of that.

---

Kel arrived at Roald’s room early that night. Staring at the oak door, nostalgia bombarded her.

She had spent countless evenings in those rooms as a page. Being the largest rooms available, they were of course given to the prince when he started his knight training. And when the group got together after dinner to start the never ending mountains of homework they received, Roald’s rooms had been nominally chosen because they were the only ones big enough to house all the pages that made up her group of friends.

Kel remember leaving each night to patrol the halls for Joren, Garvey, Zahir ibn Alhaz, and Quinden to put a stop to their hazing that was no more than bullying. Each time Roald would lift his head from the history assignment he was writing and nod, acknowledging what she was doing even though he could not participate.

Kel had understood then and never faulted him for not joining. He was the Crown Prince of Tortall. He could not be seen picking fights with pages in the halls.

But she knew what Neal, Cleon, Seaver, Faleron, and the others did not. Kel saw him, fluttering on her peripheral vision. Roald followed after the group on every adventure, silently supporting their fight because he could not do so publicly.

When they returned he would tend to the concealed bruises, always ignoring Lord Wyldon’s demand that the pages not be treated so that they would learn not to fight in the corridors when they ached in lessons the next day.

At first Kel had refused. Not because she was proud of them, but because she did not want to partially undress in front of a boy. It mattered not that he was the prince, she was not going to let anyone but a Healer and Lalasa see her in any form of undress.

The Prince had been stubborn, though. Eventually Kel relented.

Inhaling deeply, she knocked. ‘You’re ready for this,’ she convinced herself. ‘You wanted this. You agreed to this.’

The door was opened and Kel slipped in before Roald could speak. “I’m with child.”

Kel donned her Yamani mask once more as she awaited his reaction. For a minute Roald said nothing, only staring at her like she had suddenly morphed into horse like Diane could. And then his entire countenance brightened.

“That’s wonderful news, Kel!” Two large hands cupped her face and Roald solidly kissed her.

Kel didn’t think. She reacted, kissing back with equal ferocity. His lips attacked hers; their tongues danced, fighting for dominance. It had been five years since he had last kissed her like this. It made her realize how much she missed this; missed him, them.

She pushed him away, breaking the kiss. She would not rekindle her feelings for Roald. It wouldn’t be by choice, but he would break her heart again. She was already attached to the life that grew within her. Kel’s heart would not be able to handle loving both father and child from a distance.

“Kel,” came his whisper. She clenched her eyes, “Please don’t.” Kel hated how breathy the words came out, but she had to stop him. “Please,” she repeated.

The Lady Knight knew the next words out of him mouth would be ‘I love you.’ And she was prepared to beg if she had to, to prevent Roald from speaking those words. Because Kel knew, if he whispered those words reverently to her again, the wall she built around her heart would crumble.

And that was dangerous in her position. Keladry refused to give into her love for the prince a second time.

Their situation was unchangeable. He was married, the prince of the realm. She was his vassal, his Lady Knight. They were not allowed to be together.

Kel methodically hid her turmoil behind her face of Yamani politeness. “What do we do now?”

---

The woman reclined on one of the familiar beds of Duke Baird’s territory. The man’s emerald gift glittered steadily and brightly as his large hands hovered over her abdomen.

In no time at all the examination was finished and the healer stepped back, smile curling his lips. “You are, indeed, pregnant, Lady Knight.” He confirmed.

Keladry said nothing as Duke Baird picked up a pad of paper and began to write. “What are you doing?”

“I’m writing an approved diet to send to the kitchens. Now that you’re with child, you’ll need certain foods that aren’t served regularly. Not to mention that many expecting mothers find themselves desiring of odd combinations at all hours of the day. The kitchens need to know what is safe for you to consume and to have a chef on call should you need nourishment.”

Kel’s mind boggled at the lengths the palace would go to make her comfortable. As Roald had planned, she would take a year away from the own to return to the palace to teach a class on the culture of the Yamani Isles. She never thought they would so compliantly accept more demands on their time and an increased workload for her.

As far as Duke Baird was concerned, and anyone else for that matter, the father of her babe was a commoner she was sweet on that had passed away from illness during winter. A nameless, faceless man.

So it stunned her that the servants of the palace would be so considerate for her. Would they offer the same service for any pregnant woman residing there? Or was this treatment because she was one of the two respected female knights of Tortall?

She listened diligently as Neal’s father listed all the things she was restricted from doing and promised to visit every other Watersday at the fourth bell so he could monitor her progress.

“Nausea is extremely common women that are with child. Crackers and ginger will usually soothe you, but if they don’t, or you feel that you are doing so too often, come straight to me.” Kel nodded her at him. She already knew what the Duke was telling her. She had been present for many Mindelan pregnancies.

Duke Baird dismissed her, stating that she should take the time to rest before the evening meal. “Oh, and deliver this to King Roald, will you?”

Kel took the sheet of paper from his head. “What is this?” She asked as hazel eyes scanned the words written.

“Simply a letter to inform the king that you are currently with child and that it would be inadvisable to send you out on any job.”

“Inadvisable?” she echoed.

Duke Baird of Queenscove laughed. “I can’t demand that the king not tell you to perform you duty as swore an oath to. And I know that he won’t risk your child if he knows about it. So make sure that he gets that letter.”

Kel’s mask was easy to put in place this time. This time she was covering her laughter. Of course Roald wouldn’t her child. It was his as well. The heir to the Tortallan throne. “I will. Thank you for confirming it.”

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Palace life was slowly driving Kel insane.

It had not yet been even two weeks since she had received the good news. Her own feelings regarding the news was still up in the air and unlikely to come down anytime soon.

A great surprise to her, Keladry enjoyed teaching her class. It had been remarkably easy to fall back into the Yamani ways. Whereas the task of controlling her emotions and projecting a smooth face had taken effort in the first half of the month, now it was easy.

It was a relief to hide behind the lie they had constructed. Being the instructor was so much easier than being the student. She was overjoyed to see that there were three girls clustered together on the right side of the room. Three was a small number, but it was an improvement. Kel had watched them carefully for signs that the girls were being bullied like she had been, but saw none. The boys finally seemed to be coming around to sharing their profession with females.

The concepts of Yamani culture were simple to understand but harder for the pages to put into practice. They had a very strict etiquette, particularly with regards to emotions. Not having started learning to cover their emotions since they were babes on their mothers’ hips, Keladry knew the pages would never master this skill.

At least, most of them would not. They would become proficient enough to not insult a native should they visit the Yamani Islands. The two she saw promise in, a boy named Harlan from Danshame and Elspeth of Niedes Jewel, one of the girls, could possibly become good enough to earn positions as ambassadors to the islands. Or join Baron George’s network of spies. The wily rogue was also looking for eager recruits.

However relaxing she found her days in the classroom, the steady and staid lifestyle did not appeal to her. Kel wanted to rush down to the stables and rejoin with the Own, who had set off only yesterday to a town in the north that had been covered by an avalanche. She was no cut out for monotony and routine.

She had acquired cabin fever in the short month she had been at the palace. Her life within its walls was so predictable. A bout of sickness in the morning before breakfast. Kel had learned early that it was not any particular scent that would upset her, but simply the smell of food in general. She had them send in a dish of plain rice first. Once she had been sick, Kel could eat the rest of her meal.

From there, Kel had four classes, one for each year group of pages. Her classes were scheduled specifically in the morning so that she would have the afternoon to rest. Unfortunately for Kel, she would have to repeat the same trick from breakfast in order to keep down lunch and dinner.

The female knight wasn’t overly concerned by how often she felt nauseous, but she was going to address it later that afternoon with Duke Queenscove. She could not take any risks with the child she was carrying.

The one upside to her new life in the palace; Kel rarely had to see their Majesties. With her classes and the demands her body was putting on her, Kel only saw Roald and Shinko in passing.

Her good fortune would not last forever. Both of her friends were adamant that she was not ruining their marriage and that they would protect her from a legion of Stormwings before they let her be persecuted for doing them a favor.

The King went as far as to promise to take all blame should their illicit relationship be discovered. She had nothing to say about that, except to make a promise of her own. Kel would flee to Scanra before she let him be slandered, ridiculed, and maligned for doing what he had to.

Kel actually avoided Shinko more than she did Roald. The woman’s persuasions were chipping at her walls. If Kel wasn’t careful, she would find herself believing the words the Queen told her.

But there was no chance for her and Roald. This was a one time deal. She would place the baby in their arms and never look back. Even on her weakest days, where she couldn’t deny her feelings for him, Kel understood that she could not continue to pursue this future. She did not want of life of being the King’s secret mistress.

---

 

“I see,” frowned Duke Baird.

Panic gripped her heart. She had just finished explaining how every meal would make her sick and how she got around the nausea so she could feed herself and the life growing within her. Kel had expected platitudes from the healer how this was normal and to be expected. Clearly, her frequent nausea was far from the norm. What did that mean for her baby?

Kel was working herself up to a full blown panic attack when the Duke curled two hands over her shoulders. Immediately the feel of his magic soothed her. “Breathe, Lady Knight. This is not bad news, per say. Not yet, at least. Like I told you, some women suffer from nausea more than others. Your case is more extreme than most, but I would not say it is anything to worry about. If the vomiting becomes any more frequent, you come straight to me.”

The brunette bobbed her head to show she understood. The duke wasn’t worried, but he was concerned, and that was enough for Kel. He had her step on a scale next. The frown on his face deepened as he wrote down the number.

“You’ve lost a little weight. You are going to need to eat more and keep it down to put it back on. The first three months are vital to the baby’s growth. It will need all the nutrients it can get. Don’t be afraid to call down to the kitchens if you are feeling puckish,” he instructed. “Now, lie back down and we’ll take a look at the fetus.” He gestured to the bed she had just vacated.

“Wait!” Kel grabbed his wrist as his large hands moved to hover over her still flat stomach. They already glowed green with his Gift. “Will this tell me the gender, because I don’t want to know?”

“No, it is too soon to tell. Today is just to check that it is growing properly. At this early stage of pregnancy, you won’t actually be able to see the baby.” That news crushed Kel, even though she didn’t want to know the gender for fear she would get attached to a baby she couldn’t keep, she had hoped see something today. “We will be able to monitor the child’s heartbeat.”

The sound of a quick thump, thump, thump filled the room. Duke Baird noted that the heartbeat was as to be expected and that Kel was free to go, leaving her with the reminder to eat more often. He did not comment on the tears stinging her eyes, assuming that they were from the joy of listening to her baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It was a common reaction.

Granted, some of them may have been for that reason, but largely, Kel cried for herself. She didn’t have to see the baby to become attached to it.

Barely even a month pregnant and she loved it too much already. It was just like all her sisters had told her when they were trying to convince Kel to marry. There was nothing in the world quite like having a baby with a man you loved. Kel loved her child so much because it was a part of him; the only part of Roald that she could have. And even then, Kel couldn’t keep that part. If her heart was broken already, it would be shattered when she handed the babe into Shinko’s arms.

Kel fled back to her rooms, sobbing. She did not eat the rest of the day. She cradled her stomach and muttered, “I love you, I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry,” repeatedly.

---

 

A hurried knock on her door pulled Kel out of her dreams. Fantasies, really, in which she watched Roald play openly on the Corus’s sloping lawns with their children. She stumbled out of her bed and cracked the door open wide enough to see who would be calling on her at such a late hour.

“Kel,” the man said. “May I come in?”

Her eyes darted down both ends of the corridor. “Roald! What are you doing here? What if you were seen? Do you have any idea of the rumors that would start if the servants start gossiping about the King visiting my chambers at night?”

Of course it would be him. Who else had a reason for visiting her?

“I apologize, but I needed to speak with you. Will you let me in?”

“Very well, but be quick about it.” She stepped aside to let him through and leant against the door once it was closed.

Roald stood, visibly nervous, at the foot of her bed. His hands jerked, as if he went to twist them together whenever he felt the need to choose his words carefully. “Duke Baird informed me of your appointment with him today,” he started.

“What?” Kel gasped. Those meetings were supposed to be private. “Why?”

“I asked him to keep me up to date.” From the tone of his voice, it was easy to tell that he would rather Kel let him know about anything of significance.

“Does he know the child is yours?” she asked frantically,

“No. Not at all. I gave him the impression that I was asking out of concern for a friend. But I wanted to ask how you were faring.” Roald’s voice was full of sincerity. “From what the duke said, this pregnancy has not been easy on you so far.”

“It’s nothing,” Kel denied. His eyes were piercing as he studied her face. Roald wanted the truth, but he would not discern it from her.

“If you are sure.”

“I’m fine. We both are.” Kel said firmly.

He nodded, accepting her lies as truth. Then he stepped forward to capture her mouth. At first, she kissed back just as fiercely. Later, after he had left, she would blame it on her out of control hormones. He pulled away to breath. She turned her face to the side when he made to kiss her again.

“No, Roald,” she breathed. “We can’t do this.”

“Don’t say that Keladry. Just this once, let us not be a king and his knight. Tonight, we are a man and a woman; husband and wife.”

Kel shook her head, “But Shinkokami is your wife.”

“On paper only. She is not the wife of my heart. That belongs to you, Kel.” His dark blue eyes shone with love.

“Alright.”

For one night she would let go of her fears and let herself be his wife. It was easily the best night of her life. She was sad to hear the chime of the bell that foretold the rising of the sun, but she did not regret giving in to his wishes. Before its rays ghosted through her window, Roald was gone.

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Kel tried to sink into the softness of her bed, convinced that if she could just relax she would fall back asleep. She mainly hoped that falling asleep would ease the unrelenting nausea she was experiencing. But it was impossible to relax and let the dream world replace the real world when the smell from the bucket next to her bed filled her nose every time she took a breath.

The smell alone of her already regurgitate meals was enough to make her need to use it again. Kel had startled awake, the bile crawling its way up her throat. She had no made it to the washroom, though she had been very apologetic when one of the kitchen servants arrived to deliver her pre-meal serving of rice, especially since it had only caused her to vomit a second time.

Lia, as Kel had learned her name was, scolded her when she tried to get on hands and knees to help scrub the mess up. With a firm grip on the knight’s elbow, Lia had steered her back into bed, cheerfully set the bucket in range should Kel need it, and was quick to dispose of the vomit with rags and a basin of water.

Kel felt horribly guilty, watching the young woman clean up after her while she tried to keep down the rice she had brought. After all the babies that had been in the Mindelan home, she was used to dealing bile. It was not a pleasant experience, and she almost lost it just thinking about how slimy and disgusting it was.

She released another bout into the bucket, causing Lia to look up from her task with concern.

“I’ll be right back with Duke Baird, Lady Knight.”

The pregnant woman silently begged that Lia was swift footed. Learning to eat around her nausea had been a chore and the duke had already said it had resulted in her losing weight she needed.

At first, Kel had been amused when Neal’s father had told her she wasn’t at the correct weight for a pregnant woman. She had never considered herself unfit. In fact, it was her that had to convince the boys to eat their vegetables at lunch and dinner. Plus, she knew she was taller and heavier than nearly every page in her year. Neal didn’t count, obviously, being five years older.

Duke Baird had patiently explained that most of her weight came from her muscle mass, which was heavier than fat. And while her muscles were atrophy from lack of use, because Kel used to work them strenuously, she was heavily restricted in what physical activities she could do.

Riding was allowed, so long as it was never more than a walk. She definitely couldn’t take a run at the quintains. Kel had to fight to participate in mock spars. Duke Baird insisted on excessive protective padding and dull wooden swords. Kel agreed easily, it was what she would have done, and only sparred with her friends, Neal, Dom, Merric, Owen, when they visited. All of them were aware of her condition and took great care when sparring with her. Not once had any practice blade come near striking distance of her stomach. They all aimed well above, at her arms and ribs. It made predicting where they would strike easy, but Kel appreciated the workout more than the challenge.

Duke Baird’s main concern was that she wasn’t keeping the food she ate down and gaining the weight she needed for the baby to be healthy.

It was not for lack of trying. Kel thought taking smaller meals for frequently throughout the day might help, but the first scent of food had her running for the nearest privy. Duke Baird had talked to the chefs in the kitchen on her behalf and they started sending up a wider variety of food. That, too, had proved futile.

The never ending nausea was nearly her breaking point. The salty crackers and ginger teas that Duke Baird had recommended had absolutely no effect. She cursed Roald and Shinko for putting her in this position. Cursed herself for not denying her feelings and agreeing to this insane plot. And Kel largely cursed herself for wishing that Roald was here to rub her back or hold the hair out of her face.

Kel jumped when her door slammed open, admitting not Duke Baird, but his son.

“Neal!” she exclaimed, moving to sit up only to recline again when her meager rice breakfast threatened to make a reappearance. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be in Meag Marsh for another week.”

Kel eyed her best friend from head to toe, gauging from his pale skin, normally fair, that he had used too much of his Gift. His high cheekbones looked a little hollow and his light brown hair, normally swept back from a widow’s peak, looked uncombed and unwashed.

She knew that he had been sent to Meag Marsh to heal an illness going around, but had not imagined the toll it would take on him. Kel had never seen Neal appear this exhausted.

“You’ve overused your Gift, again.” It was a bad habit he had gotten from his Knight Master, Alanna. The first female knight used to drag her squire all across the country side to deal with every assortment of ailments.

“Alanna ended up riding through on her way back to Pirate’s Swoop and we finished in half the time. But never mind that, Kel.” He waved off her concern with a flippant wave of his hand. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Her brows knitted together briefly. She wasn’t sure what he was talking about, so she settled for being deliberately obtuse. “You know I’m with child.”

“The vomiting,” he said impatiently. “You’re going to puke yourself to dehydration. Have you been drinking plenty of water?”

Kel blinked furiously when her eyes welled up with tears. She hated that her out of control hormones meant she could cry on the drop of a silver noble. To her, it seemed like any touching gesture or word of concern for her set them off.

Neal almost panicked when he saw them. “I’m fine, Neal.” She pleaded with her eyes for him to believe her words. “You know it’s just hormones. But thank you.”

---

His green eyes, a deep emerald color just like his Gift, pinned her. She fidgeted. Neal didn’t believe for a second that Kel was just fine. Of all the friends she had made as a page, he knew her best. He was her best friend and she was his.

Kel was the first person to not mock him for starting at fifteen. Originally, Neal had thought having a girl in their ranks would make everything awkward. But Kel, with her blunt honesty, the way she hid her emotions, but never her passion, felt like one of the boys, and it was easy to treat her like one even though she always wore a dress to dinner.

Kel had worked twice as hard and twice as long as the rest of them to earn her shield. She never gave up when Joren was bullying her or when the training masters tried to give her a heavier or different workload then the boys claiming that, as a female, she would need to do different exercises to properly build her muscles and stamina.

Neal had seen it for the horseshit it was, but there was nothing he could do about it. If he called out one of their teachers for his unfair treatment he’d only receive punishment. If there was one thing Kel hated more than people who picked on those unable to protect themselves, it was when her friends got in trouble on her behalf.

He crossed the room in quick strides, sinking down next to his best friend and wiping the sweaty hair plastered to the sides of her face back. “You’re not fine and you don’t have to pretend to be. Not with me,” he said softly.

Kel’s tears, which had already dried up, streamed down her face.

Neal was silent as she cried. He just held her close and rocked her gently. “Feel better now?” he asked when they stopped coming.

The female knight nodded. “Thank you,” she said again. “I didn’t know how much I needed that.”

“Good, now tell me why Roald’s not here. Holding you while you cry, keeping your hair out of the way, and rubbing you back are his responsibility.”

Neal was not stupid. He had seen how much Kel had liked the King when they were pages and squires. He knew how heartbroken the girl was when Roald went through with his arranged marriage. He was the only person Kel had confided her feelings in. It was he that created diversions or dragged the rest of their friends away so that the pair could have some time alone.

So he knew, without a doubt, that the child Kel carried was Roald’s. He was the only man that she had ever loved.

Despite the pain that their Majesties’ marriage had caused her, Neal was glad that Kel was freed from whatever temptation might have lingered. Because Roald was respectable, a gentleman. He would never be unfaithful to his wife and Queen.

Watching Kel cry her eyes out and be sick to her stomach, Neal wanted nothing more than to drag Roald to some unknown part of the palace and beat him senseless. He certainly deserved a little pain for all the heartache he had cause Kel.

He watched as her face smoothed out until he could discern no emotions from it, losing all color until she was as white as the sheets beneath them. It frustrated Neal that, after all these years, Kel still used that expressionless mask to cover up her true emotions. It just wasn’t her. Neal knew that Kel was, in face, a very emotional girl.

“Neal!” she hissed. “You can’t say that. Someone might hear you.” Her hazel eyes, which she struggled with clearing of emotions, darted about the room frantically, as if searching for someone eavesdropping on their conversation.

Neal frowned at the action. Mistresses were never looked upon favorably, but having one was quite common amongst the nobles. No one would be shocked to learn Roald had one. If anything, being a King’s Mistress was an honor.

It was a hypocrisy that never made sense to Neal. He just had to accept that’s the way it was. Mistresses were gossiped about. Nasty rumors and cruel words flew abound whenever one was discovered. But when his many times great-grandfather Gareth of Conté, who had married a foreign princess, took a Tortall noble as his mistress, the country had cheered, rejoiced to have royal children of Tortallan blood. Not that they had loved the legitimate heir to the throne any less.

So why was Kel so afraid someone would overhear that she was carrying Roald’s child. After her efforts in the Scanran War, defeating the necromancer Blayce the Gallan and her reputation as Protector of the Small, the citizens of Tortall loved her just as much as they loved their Queen.

Neal thought she would be happy to finally get what she wanted.

When she first told him of her secret meetings with Roald, Neal had told her he thought she’d make a great Queen. Kel had insisted otherwise, but he knew she was wrong. No one fought harder against injustice than Kel and she could do so much more as Queen of Tortall than as a Knight of the Realm. But for Kel, it would only be a title that came with being involved with Roald.

To his eyes, her situation looked perfect. She earned her shield and was going to have a child with the man she loved since she was thirteen.

“Kel, what’s wrong? What am I missing? What don’t I know?” Neal begged her for answers. He couldn’t help her if he didn’t understand.

Kel’s tears started anew. “Cri . . . Cricket’s barren. They asked me to carry a baby for them,” she managed to say through hiccups.

He stared at her slack jawed. His brain whirled, putting the whole picture together now that he had the missing pieces.

“They asked you to carry a child for them. One they’re going to pretend is a legitimate heir. And you agreed to this half-baked plan.”  She bobbed her head in answer making him ground his teeth. Neal couldn’t believe that Roald and Shinkokami would take advantage of Kel’s friendship like that. Kel would do anything to help her friends and they both knew that.

He clenched his fist into her bed sheets in anger. It was completely unfair of them to ask this of her. Roald doubly so because he knew Kel loved him once. They were going to get a child to call their own out of the arrangement and what would Kel get?

Nothing, because she wouldn’t be able to acknowledge the child as her own. It didn’t benefit her in any way to give birth to the next King or Queen. It was already causing her so much pain, and Neal could only imagine how much worse it would get when Kel would have to denounce a part of herself.

Neal’s hands shone with his dark green Gift as he lulled his best friend to sleep. He used it to ease the dryness of her mouth and throat and ease her stomach.

“Sleep, Kel. I’ll be here when you wake. I’m going to help you through this. I promise.”

Her hazel eyes looked at him gratefully before his Gift took effect. Neal gently disentangled her from him, laying her against the pillows. His own eyes looked her up and down, taking in just how hard this pregnancy was on her, before rising fluidly to his feet.

He had promised to be there when she awoke, which would probably be in two hours. And he would be. But two hours was more than enough time for Neal to have words with his King and rough him up for treating Kel like a common whore.

Chapter 6

Nealan of Queenscove stalked through the halls, lithe body moving with all the grace of a predator. The other knights he passed along the way, as well as the average guardsmen, the many servants scurrying to and fro, and a handful of nobles would all say that the way he moved reminded them of a lion.

When word would finally reach Neal’s ears, he would laugh and think it quite appropriate, since he did train under the Lioness.

The tall knight arrived outside one of the numerous council chambers in the palace, and paced four paces up the hall and then back to the door. He didn’t have the authority to simply enter the room, not without being summoned or some state of emergency. Alanna would have his hide if he barged in and wound up on trial for misconduct, never mind that she was notorious for it. She was also the King’s Champion still, which gave her the by your leave to do so protected her from a lot of legal and political backlash.

Neal did not have the same protection. So he paced steadily as he waited for the King’s meeting to conclude, using the time to put together a pretty little speech that would send the King running to Kel’s side where he belonged.

Or to the library to look up some ancient rule that would allow him to have two Queens. For Mithros’s sake, Roald could make a new law. Anything as long as it meant his best friend didn’t have to lie, be shamed, or give up her baby, because the current situation was obviously, to anyone who spent more than two minutes a week with Kel, causing her an unhealthy amount of stress.

He lost track of the time he spent walking up and down the small length of corridor before the door. His knight master’s strict sense of justice must have rubbed off on him, because it was all Neal could think about. How unfair this agreement between Kel and Their Majesties was.

Soon, Kel’s steady life was going to have to be uprooted again. She and Queen Shinkokami would have to disappear from palace life until the babe was born. It would have to be soon, before Kel got too big.

For two reasons. First, so that the female knight could travel safely. And second, if there was going to be any chance of passing the child off as the Queen’s, the whole palace had to believe it was Shinkokami that had been pregnant. If they left it too late, everyone living in Corus would question why their Queen had never announced her pregnancy or appeared to be with child. The deception would only work so long as people thought she could have been in the early stages when she left.

But it meant that the easy going lifestyle Kel had settled into in the last month would be disrupted. She was only two weeks along now, but by the time the ten to twelve week mark came around she would probably be sporting a tiny baby bump. As fit as Kel was, it would be extremely noticeable when her child started to grow.

The whole plan was vastly unfair to Kel. All of the costs and consequences without any of the benefits. Neal still couldn’t believe their friends would ask this of her. Toying with her emotions like that. Relying on her to give them an heir but giving her nothing in return. Blatantly using her because Kel was always fighting for those that couldn’t not protect themselves, pushing aside her own needs so she could help others.

It disgusted Neal. Especially when he had to look into Kel’s brown eyes and could see how much it hurt her. Because, despite everything, she still loved the fool.

The door opened, old men in formal dress spilling out into the hallway. Roald was unusual in that regard. Traditionally, the King was supposed to leave first. It was symbolic of his power, a sign of how busy he was running the country that he did not have time to wait for everyone to leave before him. Roald, black haired, sapphire eyed, and majestic, exited last with his wife on his arm.

His friend and liege took one look at Neal, and his neutral mask slipped away. “Are you well?” he asked.

Neal blinked at the question. He imagined that he must look a real fright if rigidly polite Roald asking after his health. He didn’t look his best, he’d admit that, but it couldn’t be as awful as Kel and Roald were thinking.

He jerked back when Shinkokami ran soft fingers down the side of his face. She calmly dropped her hand back to her side, not offended in the least by his reflexive reaction. “You do look rather ill, Sir Neal.”

“I’m fine. Just used too much magic.”

“Then is there something we can help you with?” Roald asked tentatively.

“Yes,” Neal said shortly. With a silent prayer to Mithros, he punched the King right in the eye. The young ruler doubled over, clutching at the left side of his face. The Yamani Queen hurriedly dropped to one knee beside him, a necklace falling out of the top of her bodice and dangling between them.

“Graveyard’s hag, Roald. What are you doing?”

“What am I doing?” he exclaimed incredulously. “I’m not the one that punched his King. What were you thinking?”

Neal took a menacing step forward. “I was thinking,” he started lowly, “about Kel. About her health and wellbeing and that of her babe’s. Which is what you should be doing. Instead you are letting her bear the burden allow.”

Roald could only stare at him confused. He had not been to see the Lady Knight since two days past, but aside from some concerns about how much food she was eating, Duke Baird had not spoken of any other complications.

“You should be asking if she is okay. Not myself. Goddess knows Kel is strong, but she cannot have a child alone. My father says her condition has not improved. If anything it has worsened. You need to do something, Roald. Or I will.”

All composure gone, his friend stared at him, stunned. Neal was generally an easy going person. He didn’t often get upset or involve himself in matters that were not his business. But he did not balk at threatening the monarch.

“The two of you are being inexcusably unfair and cruel to Kel. She is currently lying in her bed, sick to her stomach, and neither one of you has bothered to check in on her.” Neal held up a hand when Roald made to interrupt, already knowing his excuse. “I do not care that you cannot publicly decry that the child is yours. The rest of her friends still visit her and ask after her. You can do at least that much. If you find that you cannot afford the risk of discovery, I will claim the child as my own and you will never see him.”

Neal scowled at his friends, who had gone wide eyed at his blatant threat. He would not hesitate to follow through. His and Kel’s relationship, while unusual, was exceptionally strong. When she prodded him to eat his vegetables, she was more like his mother, but Neal cared deeply for her and knew that she felt the same.

It was not romantic love, but they could live a comfortable life together should they choose. And Kel would be a wonderful mother. Neal would have no issue raising another man’s child. Not if it meant Kel did not see herself destroyed.

“That will not be necessary.” Roald regained his feet, back stiff with misplaced pride. Neal arched a single eyebrow, a trick he knew his best friend was jealous of, as if to ask the King what he was still doing dawdling here in the corridors.

Shinkokami did not follow after her husband, who took off like the Black God himself was behind him. Roald wasn’t outright running, as that was too undignified, but his brisk walk took him out of sight quickly.

“That’s an interesting piece of jewelry you have there, Your Majesty,” Neal said flippantly, pointing one long finger at the small gold pendant hanging from her neck. As a healer, Neal would recognize a pregnancy charm when he saw one.

Shinkokami looked at him wild eyed for a moment as she frantically returned the charm to its place between her corset and her dress. Once properly concealed again, Neal could not even spot the chain from which it hung.

“I am sorry for the deception, Sir Neal.” She apologized. “But it was a necessary evil. I regret that the ruse was required, but I feel no grief for my falsehoods.”

“You are not barren, then?” the knight probed.

“No, I am not,” Shinkokami confirmed.

“Then why the elaborate scheme? Why pretend?” Neal inquired. “Does Roald know?” he added on as an afterthought.

“No,” she denied. “My husband is blind to the lies I have spoken and the duplicity I have enacted.”

Neal’s frown lessened. The rage that had been growing within him quelled when the Queen claimed Roald to have no knowledge of his wife’s deceit. While that news gladdened him, the man was wishing just for a moment that he was neither a knight of the realm or a noble, because it was wrong to hit a lady. And right now he wanted nothing more than to make Shinkokami feel some of the same pain and suffering that Kel was experiencing.

The lies were stacking up on each other, much like a house of cards. On more was always being added to the top. And, just like a house of cards, it would easily crumble and fall apart.

And Kel, his best friend who was only trying to help two friends in need, or so she thought, would be caught in the middle. All the blame lay entirely with Shinkokami, which the woman appeared to understand by her downcast eyes. She had yet to look him in the eyes.

“Why do you have the charm? Why convince Roald that you are unable to have your own children?”

“Because he would never follow his heart otherwise,” the Yamani native answered. “So long as there was a chance for his seed to take hold in me and grow, for us to have a child together, Roald would have denied his love for her.

“My husband is a good man, Nealan of Queenscove. He argued with me for the longest time, wanting to do right by me. He did not want to marry me, for his heart already belonged to another woman, but he tried to love me as a husband should. He felt guilty for being unable to do so. For pining and wishing for another woman’s embrace. For desiring a different woman in his bed.

“But he also felt guilty for choosing me over Kel. His duty as prince before his heart and his love. Roald would have never agreed to sleep with her had he been aware of the truth. But I’ve seen him when he’s with her. He is more honest and open. Happier than I have ever seen him. Roald loves her but could not be with her. I merely provided him with the opportunity to do so.”

Shinokami was surprised by the next question he asked. “You are fine sacrificing your own children so that Roald may have one child with Kel?”

“I am,” she affirmed softly. “The women of my family have lost many a babe before it was born. There is a high chance for the same tragedy to befall me, and I would not wish to cause Roald the grief of losing a child. This way is better, so it is not really sacrificing my children, for I am unlikely to be able to birth them.”

Neal executed a low bow and hastened away. There was nothing more to be said. He had learned all his answers. For the third time that day he offered up a prayer to the God of the son. He prayed, for Kel’s and Roald’s and even Shinkomai’s sake (even though the blame rested on her head), that all the lies that had been told in the last month remained hidden.

Kel’s heartbreak should she learn the truth was unimaginable. Shinkokami was a childhood friend, and she had only agreed to this insane deception because she believed her friend to be barren. The biggest lie of all the ones that had been told. There was no knowing what Kel would do should the truth come out. She might go as far as to run home to Mindelan.

One thing Neal did know was that she would not hear the truth from him. He himself wished he did not know it. But he refused to be responsible for causing his best friend any form of pain.

The knight shook his head to clear it of unsavory thoughts. He did not have time to think about the various repercussions they might be facing in the future. Right now, he needed to return to Kel’s side. He had promised to be there when she awoke.

Chapter 7

Roald walked away briskly, Neal’s words ringing in his ears. Neal’s words had hurt more than the blow to his face.

His initial response to the knight was anger. Of course Roald wanted to be with Kel. He would much rather be with her than sitting in three hour long meetings that resolved nothing because the conservatives and progressives made a point of disagreeing on every topic, not just those related to the inclusion of females in the previously all-male occupation.

After Keladry had earned her shield, Jonathan had put his foot down and said girls wouldn’t be subjected to the probationary period. He had unjustly allowed it once but would not stand for it a second time. His reasoning was that it was the job of the Chamber of Ordeals to judge if one was worthy of being a knight, not man. The conservatives had grumblingly agreed, because that logic really couldn’t be faulted, but were pushing for girls and boys to be taught separately so that there were no distractions. So far their efforts were for naught, but the topic was brought up and rehashed at each monthly meeting.

As King, the needs of one woman, who wasn’t the Queen, didn’t even make it on the list of priorities. Roald had a country to run. He had advisers and the Council of Lords and the Council of Commons and a Prime Minister, so he wasn’t solely responsible for all the decisions made, but he did have the final say in the end as he was King of Tortall. The two councils voted on funding, another persistent topic of debate, and the lords and barons managed at the level of the fief so Roald didn’t have to, but the man still had to go through their reports to make sure they were managing their fiefs properly.

But Keladry wasn’t just one woman. She was the woman he loved. Mother of his child. Surely the needs of his heir superseded those of the kingdom’s? His council members would understand if he delayed a meeting for her, if only because it concerned his duty to have an heir, something they had been clamoring for ever since he wed Shinkokami. For the security of the nation, never mind that Roald had siblings that would inherit if he never provided an heir.

Or they would if Kel was his Queen. There were times that Roald wished he had followed his heart and married who he wanted and not for the sake of the throne. Liam or Jasson could have become King in his place.

But it would do Roald no good to dwell on the past. He had made his choices. At this point it was too late to back out of the game (there was no way he was going to consider the solution Neal offered. Heir to the throne or not, that was his child. His child with Kel. He would never let another man claim either of them as his own.) The least Roald could do was be there for Kel more than he had been previously.

After the night that neither of them spoke of, when they had made love and pretended the world was not the way it was, Kel had retreated, and Roald allowed her to. His only news of her came from Duke Baird, who still kept him up to date with Kel’s appointments. The King had not even seen her in the last two days. But no more. He would not keep his distance any more. No longer would he learn how she was progressing secondhand from Duke Baird. He would ask her himself.

Except she was sleeping when he reached her side, so Roald settled himself in the chair already beside her bed. He took a hold of her hand, gently brushing his thumb over the back.

Looking at Kel, taking in the wan complexion and stress lines on her face, he wished that he had studied his Gift more. He was only capable of minor healing, like bruises or cuts and stemming bleeding. Roald could do nothing to ease her discomfort or

Perhaps getting out of the palace would improve her health. It was rather early for her to leave, and her sudden departure after only a month would spark rumors. But the rumors would be forgotten with time, and getting away from a stressful environment might be just what Kel needed.

Roald curled his hand around hers, fingers tracing every callous, already planning how to convince Kel that leaving Corus was in her best interests.

---

Kel felt significantly better when she awoke. It was probably the most well rested she had been in the two weeks since she had gotten pregnant. It was amazing how much better she felt after a nap. She hadn’t been woken by the foul taste of bile climbing up her throat and the need to reach for the bucket, which she was extremely grateful for. It was nice to be able to take in a deep breath without her stomach feeling the need to rebel.

The woman found Neal in the sturdy wooden chair sitting beside her bed. His head was bent low as he read a thick book balanced in his lap. From the corner of her eye she could see the glint of sun bouncing off of something metallic.

The culprit was a cat waving its paw at her, a Yamani charm for good luck, fortune, and health. Kel had used to have a fair few of them lined up on a mantle in her room as a page, and her friends had been besotted with them.

Kel knew the one sitting on her bedside table to belong to Roald, because she had written her mother Ilane of Mindelan to find one with the same sapphire blue eyes he bore. It had been a Midwinter gift. The last one she had given him before he broke her heart.

Her lips pulled down slightly at the thought that he had called upon her. They could not hide the identity of the child’s father if Roald hovered near her like a Stormwing circled over its meal.

But the female knight’s heart clenched at the idea of sending him from her side permanently.

“Sleeping beauty awakens at last,” Neal said with a grin. Despite his joking words and lighthearted tone, Kel couldn’t help but notice how tight the skin around his eyes was. Or the shadow in them.

“Is something wrong?”

His winged brows rose. “Nothing at all, Demoiselle. I have just been bored entirely out of my mind waiting for you to awake. I feared I might turn into the Stump.”

Kel couldn’t prevent a snort from escaping. Lord Wyldon was the last person she would compare her friend to. But she let it, and the nickname, which Neal only used whenever he did not wish to tell her something, slide. It truly wasn’t any of her business what secrets he kept, though she would help him in any way she could if he asked for assistance. Besides, whatever he was keeping hidden probably wasn’t a large secret, since he was not pacing and cursing under his breath.

“I talked with Roald.” Kel felt her eyes moisten at his admittance. She absolutely hated that every gesture caused her to tear up. Because of her water vision, however, she didn’t notice how Neal’s eyes darkened at the mention of their friend.

“You shouldn’t have,” she whispered. “No one’s supposed to know. If you force him to sit with me people will start asking questions.”

The brunet set his text aside, leaning forward with elbows on knees. “Like I told him. I don’t care what they say. The second I claim the child as mine everyone and their mothers will start writing poetry about how you and I were meant to be.”

Kel gaped at him, emotions floundering. Another reason she wished this ordeal was over. The hormones were wreaking havoc on her carefully controlled emotions. “You didn’t?”

“I did.”

“But then all this would be for naught! Roald would be without an heir still and the alliance with the Yamani Islands will fall through and—“

“Breathe, Kel,” he commanded and she sucked in a shaky breath. “Maintaining peace between Tortall and the Yamani Islands is not your responsibility, nor is giving the King a son. What Roald and Shinkokami asked of you is wrong. Do you understand? They had no right to ask you to do this.”

“But—“ she tried to protest.

“No buts,” Neal said firmly. “They are wrong. If you ever want out, I’ll take you home to Queenscove.”

Unbidden, an image of her and Neal living at his family estate sprung to mind. Kel imagined that it would be a nice life. It would be just like their palace days or maybe like when they were stationed at Haven during the war against Blayce and his killing machines. Simple. Easy. Comfortable.

Then she felt horrified for even thinking about running away. Her earliest lesson was from her father, about the importance of honoring her word. As an ambassador, Piers of Mindelan’s word was his honor. He had taught each of his nine children to be careful with what they said, cautioning them to never speak words they did not mean nor give promises they could not uphold.

It would be easy, too easy, really, to take Neal’s offer, become his wife in name, and continue to be just another knight. Because it meant not giving up the only piece of Roald she had claim to. And that tempted Kel.

But she had given her word to the King and Queen.

“I want this,” she told the older knight, voice raw with desire. “Even if this child can’t be mine in name, I want this. I don’t need to raise him to love him, to be proud of him. He’s mine. I know that and that’s enough for me.”

The conviction in his green eyes slipped away and the stiffness of Neal’s mouth relaxed. “It shouldn’t be,” he abated, knowing that he could not change Kel’s mind on the matter, “but if this is what you want.”

“It is.”

And just like that, they dropped the subject. The two friends spent the rest of the afternoon talking about everything but Kel’s pregnancy or Their Majesties. Kel asked for details about his assignment in Meag Marsh, and Neal complained loudly and unendingly on how even with more than half the town delirious with fever that people accosted him to cure sniffles and headaches.

In turn, Kel told him about how she actually enjoyed teaching, but she much preferred working with the King’s Own and would always chose to be out in the field first. She talked about the various girls in her classes, four in total in the first two page years, and how the experience had her considering taking one as a squire when the time came. If she was allowed to. She remembered all too well how Alanna had been forbidden from being her Knight Master so that there was no chance the woman was giving Kel an unfair advantage.

The evening was perfect. Two dinner trays had been delivered to her rooms by Lia, who was positively delighted to see someone keeping Kel company and even more so when neither the pre-meal rice nor the day’s selections of foods had the Lady Knight reaching for a bucket.

And then it all fell apart when the King visited, his face as serious as when he first approached her a month ago.

Kel felt her stomach churn and unconsciously grabbed one of Neal’s hands. She held tightly enough that her knuckles turned white, but Neal didn’t pry her hand off of his. She could see him glaring at Roald out of the corner of her eye, but she didn’t have the strength to call him out on it.

All she could do was stare at Roald, knowing by the polite look he wore upon his face that she wasn’t going to like what he had to say and that undoubtedly it would cause her pain. Because when hadn’t he?

 

 

Chapter 8

Roald only took a few steps into the lady knight’s room. He knew that what he was about to say would be painful, and there was no need to seem cruel by taking a seat at Kel’s side and holding her hands as he broke the news.

He couldn’t help but notice their linked hands, and Neal’s warning weighed heavily in his mind. “If you cannot afford the risk of discovery, I will claim the child as my own and you will never see him.”

At the time, Roald had only taken the words at face value, a threat that would protect Kel, mentally and emotionally, no matter the cost. It was only as he sat at her bedside, those twenty-two words echoing unendingly, that Roald heard the truth.

Neal was in love with Kel.

He probably had been a long time. Neal was fifteen when Kel arrived at the palace to begin training. The man was her sponsor and closest friend. She trusted him above all others.

Faced with that revelation, Roald could remember countless instances where Neal’s green gaze had been focused on Kel. And where he once saw brotherly affection and comradery, he saw love that had been hidden away. Neal had acted nothing more than a friend and brother because that was what Kel needed from him, not the complicated mess that was love.

If Roald was honest, his fear that Neal would follow through was a driving force behind his decision to send his love away from the palace. Despite his most fervent wishes, there was simply no way he could be there for her throughout her pregnancy like a normal father, and Roald most definitely did not want Neal to take his place. Not when he knew the other man felt more for Kel than he showed.

In that vein, he owed Keladry and apology. Roald owed her a lot. He wondered if there would ever be a day where he did right by Keladry of Mindelan.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been here with you, Kel,” he said sincerely. And he truly was. There was nowhere else the King would rather be.

Her response was calm. Neither her expression nor her voice betrayed the sense of utter sereneness she gave off. “I understand. You have more important duties. Besides, I don’t need you to sit by my bed and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I can take care of myself.”

Roald almost flinched, completely missing the dark look their older friend shot him at Kel’s last line. He knew she didn’t mean it as an accusation, that he had once more chosen his kingdom and his crown over her, but it felt like one nonetheless. Unconsciously, his hands twisted before him.

“Kel, I wish to send you to Blue Harbor for a year. As you might remember, there are several merfolk colonies there. Currently, there have been disputes between the merfolk and the fishermen which Lord Deirdry has been unable to resolve. Diane is in Sinthya, or I would send her, but you have had some experience with Immortals, so you should be capable of reaching a compromise both parties will find acceptable.”

The brunette stared at him throughout his explanation, the carefully neutral mask she wore never changed. The mission was a fake and everyone in the room knew it. There was no conflict between the citizens of Blue Harbor and the aquatic Immortals. They had been on good terms with the merfolk during the Royal Progess and that relationship hadn’t changed since then.

Roald had carefully constructed the assignment so that Kel would be able to focus on just herself and the baby. Blue Harbor, one of the largest port cities in Tortall, was right on the Emerald Ocean and an excellent place to relax.

“Why do you want me to go, Roald? It’s too early for Shinko and I to disappear from Court.” Of course she had seen right through him. Kel could be rather dense when it came to emotions, but she was scarily brilliant when it came to planning, and packing her off to Blue Harbor wasn’t supposed to happen for another two months at least.

Knowing that the truth, that he was concerned hiding a secret of such magnitude in the heart of Tortall was causing her an unhealthy amount of stress, would not be well received, Roald recalled an encounter he had had with one of the lords on his council.

“There are rumors that the child the Lady Knight carries is yours, Your Majesty,” Lord Antony of Hannalof commented.

Roald failed to mask the shock on his face fast enough. It had only been two weeks, but Kel’s condition was all anyone, servants, nobles, and pages alike, could talk about. Several conservatives claimed it was divine proof that women were not meant to be knights. The first Lady Knight they had rightfully acknowledged, and it had not been even three years after she was knighted and she was already with child. She must not have taken knighthood very seriously, they sniffed.

“I did not believe it to be true. By Mithros!” exclaimed Lord Antony.

“It is not,” Roald ground out, hoping his tone came across as outrage and not denial. He wanted to sound offended, not guilty. “I have not betrayed my wife, the Queen.”

Which was one hundred percent true. They had concocted this plan together, after she had returned to their chambers crying that Duke Baird had indeed pronounced her unable to bear children. It had been Shinko’s plan at first, but she had convinced Roald of its necessity and he had followed through with her knowledge, consent, and encouragement.

Lord Antony blanched, his dark hair making his skin look more sallow than normal. “Your Majesty! I did not mean to suggest—“

“I would suggest you say no more, Lord Antony,” the King cut across rigidly. The other man had bowed and scraped, apologizing profusely and promising to talk to those that believed the rumors to be true.

But the damage had been done. If rumors were already circulating the palace it was too late, really, to send Kel away. Doing so wouldn’t quell them, but maybe it would make people doubt how much truth they held.

Roald hoped it would work a little like reverse psychology. Since the King would never send away the woman that carried his heir, illegitimate or otherwise, Kel’s baby could not possibly be his.

“There are some who suspect the truth of the matter,” Roald began cautiously, choosing his words with great care, “and seek to use that knowledge to dishonor you.”

“To make me look like a slut,” she said bluntly. Usually, he appreciated Kel’s frankness, but this time it only served to fray his already frazzled nerves.

“Yes,” he snapped, his tone more irritated than necessary. He regretted it instantly when Kel withdrew even further into herself, Yamani mask coming out in full. Of the four people involved in this deception (he was including Neal amongst their number because the older knight knew the babe was his and despite his threat had not shattered their scheme), Kel was the most innocent. She certainly didn’t deserve to have his frustration directed at her.

“This would have happened eventually,” he pointed out wearily. “At some point in the next two months you would have needed an excuse to leave Corus. Perhaps it is better that we do it now, before you become too entrenched in your position as a teacher.”

“Right,” agreed Kel hollowly. “When do I leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

The sooner the better. It had only been two weeks since Duke Baird had confirmed Kel was pregnant and he had a palace full of servants and noblemen willing to believe that her child was his. Roald didn’t want to know how several dozen people had reached that conclusion. His and Kel’s relationship when they were both squires was his best kept secret. Cleon was the only other person she had been with and he was contently married to Ermelian of Aminar.

He knew there were two possibilities; either someone knew of his past dalliance with Kel, or worse, of his and Shinko’s arrangement with the female knight.

Roald left quickly. There was no sense in hovering where he was clearly unwelcome. He imagined that Neal had been preparing to punch him a second time and that it was only Kel’s immovable grip on his hand that prevented him from doing so.

He simply prayed to Mithros that Kel would not hate him for his decision. It was best for the both of them if she had the baby far away from the palace, and Blue Harbor, being one of the northern most fiefs, was as far away from Corus he could send her without crossing the Scanran border.

---

The second the door had closed behind her former flame, Kel threw herself into Neal’s arms, sobbing wordlessly.

“It’s not fair,” she said hoarsely, after her tears had run dry.

“I know,” Neal agreed. “I know. But maybe this is just what you need. You don’t like being cooped up indoors,” he gently teased, pleased to hear that it garnered a laugh. “A trip to Blue Harbor will do you good.”

Her laughter subsided. “I wished he had consulted to me. Should I not get a say?”

Kel looked devastated. Neal felt his heart clench at the sight. His friend had worked twice as hard as any one of the boys in her year to earn her shield, yet Roald was treating her like a Court lady, making decisions for her.

He wanted to scream at Roald. It didn’t matter that he had the power to order Kel to perform missions as the King. Roald wasn’t sending Kel, a knight of his realm, to Blue Harbor. The whole assignment was a pretense to hide Kel where she could have the baby unnoticed.

“This will be good for you,” he repeated. This time the words were a promise and not conciliatory.

“Don’t make promises you cannot keep,” Kel warned, voice dripping with undisguised bitterness.

“I’m not,” swore Neal. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. It’ll be winter in Blue Harbor soon, and I’m sure they’ll be very grateful to have a healer such as myself on hand when that infernal cold starts setting in.”

Brown eyes glistened. “Thank you.”

“What are friends for?”

---

Kel sat astride her large roan gelding. She was adamant. She would leave on Peachblossom or not at all. A carriage was not necessary.  It was petty, but to her it meant that she was leaving on her own terms.

Not to mention that she wanted to ride while she was able, because the second her body began to swell, Neal would have her banned from the stables.

She swore to the healer that they would take the journey slow and that she would be extra cautious. Of what, she didn’t know, but it soothed Neal to hear her promise and it wasn’t anything she wouldn’t have done anyway.

It was with a heavy heart that she commanded Peachblossom into a trot. Everything was changing so quickly. Just as she was settling into her routine and beginning to enjoy the life she had established at the palace, Roald had dismissed her.

Kel wasn’t sure how many more upheavals she could stand.

Chapter 9

“You feather brained idiot. What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?” Neal asked, already set on healing the wound on her right arm where she had been nicked by a spidren’s ax, thinking that Kel was lucky that she had moved out of the way in time to avoid losing the appendage.

He wanted to ensure that none of the unpleasant Immortal’s had found its way into the laceration. Spidren’s blood, probably to make up for the fact that they had human heads and thus no venom sacks connected to chelicerae, was particularly corrosive. The burning feeling that resulted from contact should be an obvious give away, but Neal knew his friend. Kel wasn’t the type to complain when she was in pain, often ignoring her injuries in favor of inquiring after others and seeing that they were tended to first. She endured it silently, and none of her friends knew she was injured until several days after the fact, and she always played it down as less serious than it was.

As such, the healer did not blindly trust Kel when she claimed she was fine and that it was just a scratch and that he shouldn’t bother to use his still recovering Gift on a wound that would heal by itself.

Kel was careful not to disturb his concentration as she answered. On principle, Neal generally opposed her explanations for reasons she could not understand. “I couldn’t let you fight off a dozen spidren alone.” That was tantamount to a miniature colony and the man wouldn’t have stood a chance on his own.

It wasn’t quite the same situation as her first run in with the half-human, half-arachnid Immortal, then a young, untrained girl up against a single spidren. Still, Neal was similarly out matched, and she felt it wouldn’t hurt to share that fact with him. “Spidren are difficult to defend against in groups and properly outfitted. As least this time I was armed with more than rocks.”

Neal tossed her a look of exaggerated disbelief. “Rocks?” he echoed. He knew it had to be true coming from Kel, who abhorred lying, and knew it sounded exactly like something the female knight would do when protecting someone who couldn’t do it for themselves. “Why would you try to fight a spidren with rocks? That’s as foolish as me calling Wyldon ‘the Stump’ to his face.  This must have happened before you came to the palace, because our only run in with the nasty bugs was at the end of your probationary year. You should have run.”

The two friends shared a look at the memory of the spidren hunt led by Lord Wyldon and Kel’s former Knight Master Raoul. It had been a terrifying experience for the pages, when the group of spidrens had come out of the trees (Kel distinctly remembered wishing that Wyldon had not been so set against her glaive as she had six years of training with it), but also one of pride, because they had held it together and dispatched them on their own. It was unpleasant, remembering how they burned the carcasses afterwards, and how the ones that weren’t dead yet shrieked.

“My brother Anders said the same,” she informed him.

“You should listen to him. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were missing a brain up here.” Neal teasingly rapped his knuckles atop her head. “Did you forget you have someone depending on you now? You can’t go gallivanting into battle anymore.”

The Lady Knight tensed at the gentle rebuke. She knew, even without the accompanying nudge to her midsection, that Neal was referring to the babe growing within her, but it also reminded her that Roald and Shinko were trusting her with the life of their child. With the future of the kingdom.

For the first time since she had agreed to this plan, Kel felt a crushing wave of bitterness and resentment. Was a child of Yamani and Tortall necessary? Could Roald have not named one of his siblings his heir? Or done what any other noble would have and chosen a servant girl to bed? No one questioned when they fell with child.

Kel immediately felt horrible for thinking that. Roald was an honorable man, always choosing his duty ahead of himself. With herculean effort she ignored how much that reminded her of his decision to marry Shinko and take up the crown, subsequently tossing her to the side and saying she wasn’t worth fighting for, and the heartache that came with it. Roald would never use a woman like Vinson had.

She was the best option. Open to the idea due to her close relationship with both their Majesties and agreeable because her strong sense of justice. There would be no alliance with the Yamani Island’s emperor if Shinko’s marriage failed to produce a son to inherit the throne, and a war was the last thing the King and Queen wanted.

She could not afford to be careless.

“You’re right. I shall try to restrain myself next time,” she said at length.

Neal scowled, much like his former Knight Master. “There’s not going to be a next time. I’ll induce paralysis to keep you on that flea-ridden mongrel you call a horse,” he threatened.

In response, Peachblossom’s neck extended, teeth clamping down around the healer’s elbow. Neal howled, letting loose a stream of curses and threats aimed for the aging warhorse that had nimbly danced away after getting his revenge.

“How can he still do that? That’s injustice, that is!” he cried. “The beast should be getting slower with age, not faster.”

Kel cocked her head, eyeing him speculatively. “Maybe it is you that has gotten slower,” she suggested impishly.

She laughed heartily, spurring Peachblossom ahead while Neal sputtered denials. Had Kel looked back, she would have seen the knight watching her with a soft smile, for Neal couldn’t recall the last time he had seen his friend enjoy herself. Kel had become a shadow of herself since the King and Queen’s marriage.

He would hang up his shield and return to Queenscove, never once complaining having to heal another child’s sniffles, if that was what it took to make her happy. Anything to see her eyes sparkle with an inner light again.

But Kel was a simple woman. She would never ask anything of him that he wasn’t willing to do. She was content to have friends standing by her side that believed in her and supported her.

Seeing her happy and not hiding behind her emotionless mask was like seeing the sun after several days of heavy rain. Any of his friends that overheard that thought would call it cliché and remind him that his poems were atrocious.

Neal made a commitment then and there to never leave or abandon her. And maybe, since it would be just the two of them in Blue Harbor, outside of Roald’s reach, he could convince Kel of his feelings.

---

Kel hadn’t been with the Great Progress when it stopped in Blue Harbor. The Third Company had been rallied to help replant several farms whose crops had been burned by bandits before it was too late in the growing season.

Blue Harbor was a peaceful and prosperous city, full of bustling people who were colorfully dressed. They moved about quickly; ships, both commercial fishing and transport, were docking and departing. It was Tortall’s largest port city, and also the one furthest northward of the four port cities.

The brunette loved it. The city was alive and moving. She felt much more at ease here than she had in Corus.

Next to her, Neal gave a knowing grin. “This is your pace. Always something to do. Never a dull moment.”

Kel gave him an indulging smile in return. “You know me well.” She ignored the fluttering in her chest when he turned green eyes, more vibrant than the Emerald Ocean she had been observing, on her, passing the sensation off as nerves.

The two knights were posing as a couple. Neal had insisted, wanting to protect her reputation. Kel was well known and respected throughout the kingdom for her deeds in the war against Scanra. She only lied to Lord Wyldon about her min war against Joren’s bullying, so no one in the palace thought twice when Kel claimed the child’s father had moved on to the Black God’s realm.

That was not the case in Blue Harbor, where the inhabitants had only heard stories of the Protector of the Small, stories that were more often than not embellished and told out of proportion and twisted by those that still believed women had no place being knights. Even though Kel wouldn’t care and was more than capable of handling herself against rumors, Neal didn’t want for her to deal with it, knowing that it would, without a doubt, cause her stress as the pregnancy progressed.

“Well?” Kel asked her companion. “What are we waiting for?” The scent of the sea, salt and fish predominantly, was overwhelming. Her nausea was returning with a vengeance and she wanted nothing more than to rest.

Blue Harbor was halfway between Corus and her home of Mindelan, and by nature should have only taken three days to reach, but with the unexpected spidren attack and Neal’s mother hen-ing, a surprising turnabout in roles, it had taken twice that long to arrive at their destination.

The King clearly had not been thinking, or had no idea how severe her pregnancy sickness was, when he chose Blue Harbor as the place for her to give birth in secrecy. But Kel was grateful for the choice nonetheless, for if he had picked a more stagnant and staid city she would have driven herself made from restlessness.

Neal, likely seeing her aborted arm motion coming up to cover her mouth or the green tinge to her face, dismounted and began leading his horse down the main road to an inn. Kel, still green around the gills, followed subdued. They could room there for a few nights before finding a house to rent.

Roald had provided a generous budget to see Kel established and settled in, with the promise of steady payments delivered biweekly. Neal had been skeptical about the arrangement. It wouldn’t be long before someone noticed the King was sending money to Blue Harbor continuously, but Roald had also sent the errand runner with orders to pick up a local food item, stating that Shinko’s nonexistent cravings would serve as an air-tight cover story. No one would notice what happened to the money if his messenger returned with a crate of fish.

Kel would pick the most logical house on the market; one that was just large enough for the two of them, most likely not quite in the center of the city to avoid higher prices but close enough that she could walk to the food markets herself, and it would definitely be near an area where the two friends could continue to train, because Kel would not give up her daily exercises until forced otherwise by Neal.

But since Roald was funding this little operation, as he should, Neal thought darkly, he would take advantage of that. Kel deserved to get something out of this arrangement. Comfortable living was the least of it, but it was a start.

The female knight may have fallen in love with the port city, if her head twisting on her neck was any indication, and couldn’t get enough of it, but Neal hated it and everything it stood for. That Kel had to lie and tuck herself in an out of the way corner and hide from rumors because she was a good person with a strong heart.

More than their deception being uncovered, Neal feared the end of this pregnancy, because she would set her baby in Shinko’s arms and return to the King’s Own, bury herself in work, and pretend it never happened.  It would break her.

It was a long eight months ahead of them.

Chapter 10

Kel had tried to argue his decision to purchase a house, citing that their time in Blue Harbor was limited. It was wasteful to buy a house that neither would in eight months, and wouldn’t rumors crop up if they sold the house and vanished as soon as she birthed the babe?

“I already paid part of the price,” Neal shrugged, sliding a signed contract of ownership across the desk. Roald had authorized a budget of 100 gold nobles a month to be delivered in two payments. 60 gold nobles now got them an almost coastal property, and because he had paid two-thirds of its value upfront, the duo of knights were allowed to move in. He would pay the remaining 30 nobles in a week’s time when Roald’s messenger arrived.

He had spent a week meticulously examining houses. Both he and Kel were well aware of how her body would change in the coming months. Single story homes were a rarity in populated places like Blue Harbor, and thus more expensive. Neal reasoned paying a higher price was a worthwhile decision, as the female knight would be infinitely more comfortable when the sore feet and back and swollen ankles set in.

Neal knew the moment Kel read the line about payment because the whites of her eyes were blown wide. Then she pitched forward slightly, avoiding completely falling over by planting a foot in front of her to regain her balance. He leapt up to steady her, determinedly guiding her to the chair he just vacated.

She waved off his concern and the hands that were already reaching for her temple. “I’m fine, Neal. It was a dizzy spell.”

Although he itched to make sure it was nothing more than that, Neal settled his hands on the curve of her shoulders instead. This was the second instance of dizziness since they had arrived in the bustling port town. The first had happened when she tried to rise from bed too quickly. Neal supposed many might feel faint upon seeing the price. 90 gold nobles was equivalent to renting a townhouse in Corus during the summer season. For Kel, who was one of nine children, nobility did not mean endless wealth that could be thrown around when needed.

“—too much.” Kel’s complaint snapped him out of his thoughts.

“First,” he drawled, sounding unconcerned, “it’s not my money.”

“All the more reason you shouldn’t be spending it so exorbitantly. We can continue to room here at the inn until an affordable house is available.”

“Second, as heir to a dukedom, I could have paid for the house with my own money. But, since Roald is providing for you, I see no reason to select subpar housing.”

His friend flashed him a wry grin, knowing that Neal would enjoy spending the other man’s money. “What are you going to do with it when we go back to Corus?”

“Thank you for leading so nicely into my third point. Three, I can always use it as a summerhouse or have it waiting until I start my own family. Wouldn’t want to live at home forever. Jessamine spends half her year there despite being married.” Neal effected a theatrical shudder. He loved his sister dearly of course, but she could be a strong willed as Keladry when the social season hit.

Kel worried her bottom lip, seeming to digest and adjust to the revelation he might be looking to settle down. His heart twinged uncomfortably. He had loved Kel going on nearly a decade now, from their last year as pages. To distract himself from his growing feelings for her at a time when Kel especially couldn’t act upon it, Neal had turned his attention towards other court women, flirting freely and writing horrible poetry.

In doing so, he had giving her the wrong impression of his character. Assuredly, the woman had missed the romantic overture in his offer. He had presented it as an offer to protect her reputation should she want an out, and so Kel had taken his words at face value.

Neal firmed his resolve. It matter not that she was unaware of the sincerity in his offer. He had several months to make her see him as a love interest.

He held several advantages over the King, none of which he would hesitate to use. Obviously, he was completely unattached. With him, Kel didn’t have to feel guilty about being the other woman and ruining her friends’ marriage. Not to mention Roald had two strikes against him, hurting her once by leading her to believe their courtship would ever be more than dalliances, and he continued to hurt her over and over again with this scheme.

And now Roald had preemptively sent her from his side because of his guilt. He wouldn’t be there for the baby’s first fluttering of movement, nor as she gained strength and began kicking. Roald had already failed in the comforting department, more concerned with keep the true nature of the babe’s father secret.

Revealing Shinko’s deception, notwithstanding her husband’s lack of involvement, would inevitably shatter Kel. Neal couldn’t bring himself to be the one to tell her she was the center of a ruse far more complicated than she already knew. The healer may know her best, but Shinkokami was her oldest friend and Roald currently the object of her amorous affections.

Neal could do nothing regarding the Queen, but if he could convince Kel to love himself in return he could soften Roald’s unwilling betrayal.

It was unfortunate, he reflected, that loving someone opened the heart to being broken.

“Is that something you want one day?” she asked at length.

“One day,” he agreed, imaging a home full of children that would shoot up like weeds to the point they were unrecognizable when they had a break from knighthood training. If justice were liquid it would likely flow through their veins.

---

The pair moved into the house that afternoon. If Neal had needed another reason to choose a house on the water’s edge, the healthy flush of her skin would have been high priority. After its initial rejuvenation, the excitement and fast pace of Blue Harbor appeared to exhaust Keladry.

The salty air seemed to revive her, her cheeks gained a splash of red and her eyes sparkled, as she leaned on the balustrade that wrapped around two sides of the house. Several minutes of deep steady breathing transformed his friend from a wan imitation of a porcelain doll into a human being. Kel’s health, and her baby’s too, was worth more than any amount of gold coin.

Their peace was short lived. Horns cried out, shattering the idyllic bubble of peace they shared. As one they raced to retrieve their weapons. Kel had secured her Yamani naginata across her back and was buckling Griffin’s sheath by the time he had picked up his own sword.

“Didn’t your Knightmaster teach you to always be prepared, Sneal?”

Kel’s barb was delivered in her typical emotionless deadpan, aside from the twisting of her lips to try and pronounce his name like snail. Neal shook his head ruefully. “Please don’t call me by that ever again. It sounds like some horrible illness. I’ll have you know I can be much more creative than that clot Cleon,” he threatened when the corner of her mouth tilted infuriatingly upward.

“And I blame you for that,” Neal continued easily as the two knights sprinted towards the docks, where all the ruckus was originating.

“Of course you do.”

“I will graciously accept your apology,” he said magnanimously. “Because tales of your wondrous skills, magnificent battles, and many chaotic adventures reached her ears. And she decided that someone who spent as much time as I did around you should never be caught unguarded.” Neal clenched his right hand into a fist instinctively, remembering all the times Alanna had landed a solid blow to his knuckles for not being quick enough on the draw.

“You’re welcome,” said Kel sincerely.

“Wel-welcome?” he sputtered, horrified. “It was not welcomed! It was torture.”

“Sounds to me like I made you a more fearsome knight.”

“I never wished for that reputation, but I will no doubt take advantage of it in the future if I ever take on a minion of my own. I’ll tell him-”

“Or her.”

“Or her, don’t get so defensive. It was coming. That I trained with the two most famous female knights of the last three decades. They’ll be terrified.”

Kel interrupted, “Speaking of terrified.” The port was in chaos. There wasn’t a pirate ship at any of the docks, so Neal assumed they commandeered or hidden on a Tortallan one. They’d raid the city, steal a ship because that would be worth more than any loot they plundered, and be gone in a matter of hours. The armed mercenaries hired to protect a ship were being overwhelmed in this instance, more due to the fact they thought they were safe once the ship had docked, as Neal observed they weren’t unskilled.

“What are you waiting for? Go unleash the wrath of the Protector of the Small upon them.”

She frowned severely at the title. Even after all this years, her discomfort with being recognized for her heroics amused him. Doing her duty as a knight, protecting those that could not do so themselves, was a task Kel enjoyed fully. She simply hated the title she had been appointed because it made her seem like she was someone special.

“You’ll pay for that on the training field,” she announced, the flat side of her sword slapped against his chest.

“Now I’m terrified,” teased Neal, avoiding her half-hearted glare by thrusting his way into the middle of a pack of four pirates. Even amidst the general confusion and dancing blades, he could see the female knight make her way down to the other end of the dock.

With their addition, the mercenaries rallied together to put forth a more organized defense. One tolling of the bell later, the local Provost Guards were shackling and hauling away the defeated pirates. Neal proceeded to bully the mercenaries into letting him treat their more serious injuries.

“Excuse me,” a voice sounded gruffly over his shoulder. Neal brushed at the gathering sweat on his brow with the back of his arm. The man was built like an ox, broad-shouldered and thick-waisted, with salt and pepper hair. The heavy set brow and bulging arm muscles presented the picture of a man whom Neal did not want to face in combat.

“Need something?” he asked shortly. There were several more people Neal wanted to see to yet, and he couldn’t discern any visible injuries on the man.

“You’re new here.” Neal blinked at the non sequitur.

“Yes,” he drew the word out, wondering if they perhaps thought him in league with the pirates because of his outsider status.

“And that girl that can fight. She with you?”

Neal groaned, only a touch theatrically. That girl just could not stay out of trouble. “What has she done now? Were these pirates slave traders? Don’t tell me she stormed their ship to rescue a couple of sea urchins. Knowing her luck they’ll be exotic traders trying to sell baby Merfolk. Please tell me she’s still on the dock.”

Neal liked to imagine that the man shared a commiserating grin, but it was probably a grimace because he was rambling. “She’s unconscious.”

The healer straightened abruptly. “Where.”

The man thumbed his shoulder. Uncaring of the exhaustion, an unfortunate side effect of using the Gift, Neal strode through a throng of people, shoving aside people too slow to move out of his path. His mind was racing, conjuring up scenarios, each one worse than the last.

His knees hit the ground hard. They would sting later, but Neal was concerned with Kel’s shallow breathing. He ran green magic coated hands over her ribs and lungs first. He didn’t see any blood, but it was possible she was hit with enough blunt force to displace a rib and have it puncture the lung.

Three scans, growing progressively more thorough, found nothing more than bruising to the mid-back on the right side of the spine, and a shallow knife wound to the upper arm. Neal easily healed the cut, letting his the glow of his Gift dissipate as he sat gracefully his haunches.

“It’s just exhaustion. She’ll be fine with a bit of rest,” he told the other man, still hovering over his shoulder. He nodded brusquely and hurried off to another group of frantic people. Neal, on the other hand, flopped on his back now that no one was watching and lay his arm across his eyes.

“You are going to prematurely send me to the Black God’s realm.”

Chapter 11

Notes:

Hey everyone. It's been a while. I'm certain most of you thought I would never get back to this. At points, I didn't believe I would. It would have been so easy to let the stories be forgotten. And then an author of a story I had long since lost hope in ever getting another chapter posted a note about how they were going to seriously revamp it and I was so excited. Then I realized I had readers who would feel the same. So I got off my pity wagon and wrote this for you guys.

Having done all he could to help, Neal hefted the unconscious Lady Knight while the dock workers set to cleaning. Typically, he would have remained to help, but Kel’s well being took priority. He situated Kel on her bed, gently stripping off her armor. He grabbed a small basin, a cloth, and a bar of soap to clean the blood before it crusted.

Once done, he cleaned and put away her armor before finally turning his attentions to himself. He wanted as few things as possible for her to worry about when she came to.

It also allowed him to work through his feelings.

Letting Kel fight in her condition was giving him heart palpitations. Neal fervently wished she was far enough along that he could exert his authority and force her to not leap to arm herself. Maybe now she would actually listen to him, instead of treating his advice as suggestions.

She may not have felt it, but she was putting undue stress on her body because it was devoting such much of its energy to the life growing inside her womb. It would crush her to accidentally cause a miscarriage of the kingdom’s heir.

He prepared two bowls of rice, one honeyed, and sliced an orange and an apricot. The two fruits were packed with vitamins and would help her body absorb iron. True to pattern, Kel blindly accepted the bucket he held to her, her first instinct upon awakening to vomit.

Neal rubbed circles into the base of her neck. “How are you feeling?” he asked, pressing the bowl of fruits into her hand first.

Kel sucked on an orange slice. The citric flavor was bright and chased away the disgusting taste of bile. “Exhausted,” she answered honestly. “And,” she added, rubbing at her breast, “painfully tender. My breastband is scratchy.”

The healer gently massaged them, repeating a mantra that the action wasn’t intimate if he was doing it to make her comfortable.

“You shouldn’t have fought that raid,” he said sternly, to distract himself while he continued his ministrations. Neal needed to think about something other than how soft the flesh beneath his fingers was or how, when they began to swell with milk, they’d be the perfect size for his hand to cup.

Brown eyes flashed furiously.

“They needed help.”

He scoffed. “It was a dock. They had the strength and numbers to match those pirates.”

“I wasn’t going to stand by and do nothing while innocent people were attacked.”

“They didn’t need a pregnant woman’s help!”

Kel blinked wetly. “So I’m already a horrible mother, is that what you’re saying?”

“What? No. You would be a wonderful mother Kel. But please, you need to take better care of yourself. It’s very easy to lose a babe in the first trimester. All this excitement isn’t healthy for you or your child.”

It was foolish of him to allow her to fight. Neal should have insisted she stay behind, but he had been caught up in the feeling of truly fighting side by side with his best friend again. Better to fight over physical limitations beforehand than to feel his heart stop beating in his chest because she was injured again.

She latched onto the bowl of rice. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

Neal’s gaze narrowed, recognizing the change of topic, poorly done as it was, as her method of putting the conversation behind her. He let it slide for now, planning to revisit once she felt more in control of her emotions.

“The locals brought it as a thank you.” Kel smiled weakly at the joke.

“Is my baby okay?”

Neal prodded at the still firm planes of her abdomen before calling upon his gift. When Kel asked why he didn’t simply use his Gift, he glibly responded that the two examinations supported the other. It was generally good practice to not only rely on his Gift. Especially, as she was kind enough to point out, when he had a tendency to overuse it.

Which was true. He conveniently didn’t tell her that he never got this touchy with others he had healed, particularly their page mates.

“Take it easy, today. I’ll get you some more fruit,” he said.

Kel’s protest was cut off by her own yawn.

LINE

Neal was gone before she woke the next day, leaving behind a quickly scrawled note that he was going to inquire about work at the local clinic.

Being amongst the largest port cities in Tortall, Blue Harbor saw a lot of traffic. The coming and goings of ships and their crews and foreign cargos often resulted in minor sicknesses. His Gift would be a blessing.

She opted to explore the marketplace. She was still earning her wages as a knight of the realm, and if they were going to live here for the next eight months, she wanted the house to feel more like a home. And she needed to stock the pantry, as her growling stomach reminded her.

The market stalls were an explosion of color and foreign wares. People clamoring loudly with distinct accents. She steered clear of a potions booth, where the proprietor was shouting about his miraculous weightloss potion. The man had tried to call out specifically to her, but Kel gave him no acknowledgement. She needed to put on weight, not lose it. Besides, she had never felt badly about her image. Her physique was a result of all her hard work, and she wouldn’t be made to feel like she was ugly because she didn’t look like the ladies at court.

She paused by a booth displaying ear bobs. There was a pair similar to the ones she had worn once. Neal had complimented them. Ultimately, she decided against them. Not even pieces of frippery would make her feel beautiful when the babe in her belly caused it to balloon.

Kel was slammed by a wave of nostalgia and homesickness when she found a bottle of Mindelan’s specialty wine. It had been years since she returned to the barony. Her mother and father would be delighted to see her. They’d be overjoyed to know their youngest daughter was finally having a child of her own.

Tears stung her eyes. All of her sisters had been surrounded and supported by their family. She might have never pictured herself having children, but now that she was, Kel wished she could draw comfort from her family.

But she couldn’t do that to them. Already, they would feel the backlash of her shame should the truth ever get out. Wishing for their comfort was selfish when it would paint the Mindelans as knowing of her treason.

Kel left the market empty-handed and feeling hollow.

She had never imagined she’d be a mother. She was excellent with her numerous nieces and nephews, but the life of a noble woman wasn’t for her. Kel wanted her shield. Training came first. Her hair she had cut short because it was in the way. She pushed her body to physically keep up with the boys. By the time she had her shield, the only boys that would look at her were the ones she had spent ten months of a year training with. Her page mates were more like brothers or cousins by that point, not prospective husband material.

She would be the first to admit she wasn’t a classic beauty like her sisters or the court ladies. She was butch and blocky, muscles giving her a very square shape as opposed to the gentle curves and willow bodies of most ladies. Any color on her face was due to bruise not face paints. Then there was the matter of her scars. The ones on her fingers from caring for a baby griffin in her squire years were glaring. Every time she held out a hand, there was a noticeable pause as eyes lingered and the deep scars.

Her appearance was probably the true reason Roald was never seen with her. Kings were practically expected to have mistresses. Marrying for love wasn’t the done thing amongst the nobility. Wealth, prestige, connections. If not for her bleeding heart, Kel could have maintained her secret relationship with Roald.

But surely she deserved better than a man who never invited her to dance at a public function?

Kel felt guilty for the thought. He had kissed her first, not caring that she had just come off the practice fields. It had nothing to do with looks. Roald wasn’t shallow. It was all politics. It was silly of her to be caring about how she looked now. Feeling beautiful wasn’t something any of her sisters had associated with pregnancy.

She was surprised to find Neal when she returned. Had she been gone that long?

“Everything alright? You’re looking a little pale.”

Ashamed of her weakness, Kel brushed off his concern. “There were too many smells.”

He didn’t look convinced but he didn’t argue. “I’ll bring you a cup of lemon honey tea. I meant a lady today that swears it eased her sickness.”

Kel’s face gave away nothing, but Neal knew she hid behind her Yamani mask only when her emotions got the better of her. Demanding an explanation would do no good, however. His friend would shut up as tight as a door.

She retreated to her room, door closing behind her with a sharp click. Neal sighed, wondering what could have possibly upset her, as he started the tea. After six and a half minutes he poured it into cups, stirring a spoonful of honey into Kel’s cup. He set the cups on a tray and adds a simple fair of rice and strips of salted meat. Nothing too strong for her stomach.

He knocked softly on the door to announce his entrance. She was already in the dream god’s realm.

Neal placed the tray at her bedside, shuddering at the thought of drinking cold tea. He would have preferred she ate first, but he wasn’t going to wake her. Rest was just as important as eating and Kel never got enough of the former. The food would be there when she awoke.

Staring down at her, face tense even in sleep, Neal felt despondent. Despite the circumstances of their arrival, he had hoped the change of scenery would see her health improve. Her mood had certainly uplifted, until the incident at the docks yesterday evening. But aside from slightly rose cheeks from the bracing salt air, Kel’s condition remained unchanged. She still had to fight to keep food down and was sick with alarming frequency.

It was a vicious cycle, one he felt helpless to resolve. Kel forced herself to eat when he presented her with a plate of food, knowing she’d inevitably lose it, and then need to eat even more to make up for it.

He really hoped this tea did the trick. It would put both their minds at ease if she could eat easier.

---

Kel woke and was halfway towards the bucket set aside for this exact purpose when she realized she didn’t feel the telltale burn in her throat that indicated her previous meal was going to make a second appearance.

Her elation is short lived.

She spotted the dry meat left for her and dry retches. It’s hard for anything to come up when she hasn’t eaten. There’s a cup of tea as well. It’s no doubt cold by now, but Kel was unbothered. Food was food. The tea soothed her throat.

 She wasn’t going to complain about its being cold when she was the one who fell asleep. Neal was being so thoughtful, trying so hard to find something she could keep down for longer than a few hours. It would be callous of her to complain.

The rice and jerky weren’t as refreshing as her drink. She wanted the saltiness of the meat without the tough and chewy texture. So she ventured into the kitchen, searching through the cupboards to find salt.

No doubt hearing her movements, Neal joined her. “What are you doing?” he asked after several more cupboards proved not to have what she was looking for.

“The rice needs salt.”

“Why didn’t you just crumble the jerky into it.”

“Because I don’t want the jerky. I want salted rice.”

Neal appeared bemused. She huffed at him. Here she was, actively wanting to eat something, and instead of helping her he watched with that stupidly handsome crooked grin.

“Fish sauce,” she announced, triumphantly. “I need fish sauce. We must have some. This is a port town, after all.”

Neal didn’t bother to hide his overly theatrical grimace as he locates the aforementioned item. Kel ignored it in favor of pouring half the bottle atop her rice and settling in happily to eat it.

His disgust isn’t faked any longer. “How can you eat that?”

Kel shrugged. “I just wanted it.”

“Wonderful, your first craving. I fear for my delicate taste buds if rice drowned in fish sauce is your idea of good taste.”

Kel paused. “Isn’t it too soon to be experiencing cravings? I’m hardly over a month.”

“Every woman’s different. I’m just glad your body actually wants something. Hopefully, this means you’re passed the severe sickness and will be able to eat more regularly. But,” she looked up when he draws out the word, “may I suggest pickle juice next time?”

Kel laughed, pleased at the return of Neal’s strange sense of optimism. She had a feeling she was going to need it in the future.

Chapter 12

Two weeks passed quickly. Neal, and by extension Kel, had settled into their temporary lodgings. The first payment from Roald arrived, along with a letter.

Neal counted out the thirty gold nobles he needed to finish the payment on the house, and officially claimed the property as his own. The rest he handed to the female knight. He was perfectly capable of managing money but knew she would feel less like a burden if she had something to distract her.

Cleaning was a task they shared, minimal though it was. Mise en place, a foreign term from Galla which meant everything had its place, was drilled into them as pages, literally. Wyldon was abnormally fond of surprise kit inspections and strolling down their quarters at hours no man should be awake, calling for the pages to assemble in full gear. The boy, or girl, who donned full armor the fastest and with no mistakes, was rewarded. A rare event, considering the Stump was their judge and he examined every buckle to make sure it was cinched properly. Similarly, the last person standing outside their door was punished in some heinous way.

Merric had been so excited the first time he had been the first one to dash into the hallway, only for Wyldon to loudly berate his mistakes, sending the boy back to shed his armor and do it properly. Needless to say, Merric had been the last to emerge, earning himself a week scrubbing every pages’ gear after evening lessons.

Point was, both Kel and Neal were meticulous people, so the only cleaning they needed to do daily was dusting, sweeping, scrubbing dishes, and emptying the chamber pot.

Kel took it upon herself to keep the house dirt free and wash the dishes. She felt it was only fair since she couldn’t handle the cooking without her extreme nausea threatening to ruin it. As unpleasant as the task was, the guilt of not pulling her fair share weighed upon her shoulders.

She frequently asked if Neal minded being stuck on latrine duty and was sternly warded off each time with a lecture on how pregnant woman had no business cleaning up feces and urine and for the health of both her and the babe would she maintain a reasonable distance of six feet when he did so.

Cleaning failed to keep Kel busy throughout the day, so Neal thought taking on the money management and shopping needs would help to fill that void.

It worked, sort of.

By nature, Kel was a frugal spender, and she handled grocery shopping like she did every other task, by generating a list, read plan of attack, and following through. So, it was one more activity to keep her occupied, but it did not do so for very long.

Which was how she found herself polishing her collection of Yamani waving cats for the fourth time that day and ignoring the letter Roald’s messenger had delivered with the first arranged payment. She smiled fondly, recalling Neal’s insistence that she put them out somewhere they could be seen. Her fellow knight was incurably fond of the good luck charms and the story behind them.

Kel felt she could use a little of that luck, which was why she persisted in polishing them numerous times. Next she planned to remake the beds for the sixth time.

Anything to distract her from the letter that sat upon the writing desk.

The Lady Knight knew she ought to just open it up. It was the only way to discover if the contents were what she feared.

Gossip and rumors traveled faster through the castle than the Wild Mage on feathered wings. Her departure had been ill-timed, too hasty. It would appear too close to the accusations that she carried the king’s bastard. Whilst entirely true, it was also the exact connection they were trying to avoid people making. Her child had no chance of being the ‘legitimate’ heir if doubts were cast upon his lineage.

All of these lies, her shame, her sacrifice. It would all be in vain if the babe’s true parentage was suspected.

That had been the whole point of sending Kel away, creating distance, both literal and figurative, to quell the uprising of rumors.

Uncharacteristically, Kel dreaded the words in that letter. Her thoughts spiraled, growing increasingly more agitated. She imagined that Roald had written to inform her the ruse had failed. Why else would he have written already?

Kel was well aware that their scheme had all the stability of a precariously stacked house of cards. From its conception, it had been one puff of breath away from catastrophically collapsing, and each passing day added another card to the unstable structure.

Supposedly, she had the easy part, though nothing about her pregnancy thus far could be called such. Excessive nausea and vomiting. Weight loss. Hormones making her cry at the drop of a hat. Neal had pitched a fit over the two insomniac spells. All she had to do was stay out of sight and grow a child, a substantial task before accounting for the added stress of her situation. Roald would have to hid Shinko as well, relatively soon, before servants and nobles alike began questioning why the queen never behaved like a pregnant woman. They would need to rope a healer into the lie so they could claim someone was monitoring the queen’s delicate condition. Some of her servants were bound to know as well. As queen, Shinkokami never traveled alone. Guards, ladies-in-waiting, and servants dogged her every step.

Concealing the truth from that many people was impossible.

Kel cursed her soft heart. Agreeing to this artifice had been madness. At least the last time she could blame the Chamber of Ordeal.

Kel summoned the scraps of her famed courage. It was pointless to delay the inevitable. With trembling fingers, she took the parchment in hand, sliding one finger under the edge where it folded over, effortlessly breaking the king’s royal seal.

It took her a moment to decipher the letters contents, seeing as it was written in cursive.

The female knight hadn’t known what cursive was before she trained for her shield. Mindelan was a very young noble house, and growing up in the Yamani Islands with their language, her parents had seen no need to teach her a second way to write Tortallan letters.

Common was typically written in print by those that needed it. The working class didn’t know what cursive was and had no need to.

Instead of creating a complex code or cipher, a spymaster had chosen to change the shapes of all the letters and wrote them so that all the letters that composed a word were strung together, connected from the first to the last.

Any potentially classified information was to be written in cursive, because it was harder to foreign spies to read. Sir Myles explained it was a form of psychological warfare against their enemies. If information was important enough to be hidden in code, code breakers expected a complex system designed to keep that knowledge secret.

Basically, they were tricking anyone who read it into thinking it was more complex than it really was to read.

As part of her knighthood training, Kel had learned to both read and write in the strange squiggly font, though doing so often gave her a headache, and the contents of the letter only added to it, until she could feel it pulsing just beneath her skull.

My Lady Knight,

I pray this letter finds you in better health than when you left my side. Blue Harbor’s sea breeze was both bracing and reinvigorating, last I visited. A breath of fresh air, so to speak, which you dearly needed. I imagine you’re happier, at least.

Remember to relax, as well. I know how you get when you feel you are not doing your duty but taking care of yourself is equally paramount. Do not stress, overly.

Please understand why I chose you to parley with the Merfolk colony. You’ve had quite a way with other Immortals in the past, a feat which I hope lends you credence with this assignment. This is an important task for the kingdom, and I wish I could stand by your side. I know you are capable, Kel, but I dislike assigning you alone.

Given the importance of this venture, I request you write often of your progress. I wish to return to the good relations we shared with the Merfolk.

Do what you must to ensure a fruitful alliance. I trust your choice in these matters and will support what you decide.

I don’t expect you’ll finish negotiations before Midwinter, but I hope that you’ll return to the palace before summer is upon us. There are several promising pages this year, and you have yet to take on a squire. The classroom may not have suited you, but you would be a wonderful Knight Master.

Do you remember Fianola? You met her while on the Grand Progress. She’s slated to become a squire soon, and I can think of no better mentor than the woman that inspired her.

Best Regards

P.S. Duke Baird implores you pass a message along to his hotheaded son. He wishes to be kept apprised of your condition.

Tears of anger welled, and for once, Kel didn’t attempt to stop them. There was no one around to see her disgrace, and crying was the only way she could vent, since her usual coping mechanisms were barred.

How dare he write her in concern when this situation was his fault? He trusts her choices? He’ll support her decisions? That would mean letting Kel make any. Aside from agreeing to this scheme, everything about her pregnancy had been decided for her.

Both Duke Baird and Neal were vocal about the measures the female knight needed to adhere to now that she was with child. Kel understood, despite her not agreeing, and acquiesced paring down her fitness routine to the bare minimum and stopping completely by the second trimester. Neither man had been particularly impressed by her knowledge of how Yamani woman trained while pregnant, and thought it better that she not take any unnecessary risks, considering how stressful her pregnancy had been thus far.

Roald, however, had created the cover story to keep her in the palace, where she had access to one of Tortall’s best healers. And when it instantly came under fire, he had rushed to send her packing. Out of sight, out of mind. He sent her to Blue Harbor. If Kel had been able to choose her destination, she would have selected one of the Bazhir tribes. It would have been immensely easier to fade into the background in one of the wandering tribes that demanded women cover their faces with veils constantly.

He had requested twice, twice, in his correspondence that Kel continued to keep him informed of the babe’s health.

Kel wasn’t stupid. Now that she was out of the palace, and thus Duke Baird’s care, his only source of information was from Kel herself. She knew, after Neal admitted to threatening him, that the king wouldn’t trust their mutual friend keep him in the loop.

He could phrase it as politely as he wanted, Roald was still the king she was oathsworn to. He commanded, and as long as it didn’t go against her sense of justice, Kel obeyed. She didn’t need the subtle nor blatant instructions.

Regardless of the mess of feelings, secrets, and lies, he was also the father. She carried the kingdom’s heir. She would never be irresponsible enough to not take care of herself or to not write him when something happened.

And at the end he all but commanded she take on a squire after the babe was born.

If Roald truly wanted her by his side, why did he keep sending her away?

Chapter 13

Neal had established himself at the local clinic. He wasn’t the only Gifted healer working there, but he possessed more magic and skill than the others. He frequently worked long hours. Sometimes Kel would go several days without seeing him.

Though that was partly due to the amount she slept.

Kel was slowly going insane from the lack of things to do. Basic stretches appeased her itch to physically do something, but they were also drills she could follow mindlessly, subconsciously keeping count of repetitions while her mind was otherwise occupied. Which wasn’t a good thing since her mind had an unfortunate tendency to hyper focus on all the negative aspects of her ruse.

The most recent being, ironically, that her breasts were tender and sensitive to touch. It pained her to keep them wrapped as tightly as she did, but neither could she leave them unbound. Walking made them bounce and sent sharp pains down her back.

Neal was the one bright spot in her life at the moment. Her best friend had offered to massage them, an offer which truly tempted the female knight, but ultimately, she had declined. Partly uncomfortable, not with the idea of him touching her—occupational hazard of being a knight. Neal had often seen her without a shirt or pants-- by the intimacy of if, although she knew Neal would be a consummate professional.

Neal complained loudly whenever he used his Gift to heal his fellow pages, but had never hesitated to do so, especially under orders by Lord Wyldon not to. He would leave the surface discoloration or scabbing, but heal everything underneath so that it looked like he had followed orders.

Kel wasn’t embarrassed by her body by any means. She knew she would never look like the courtly beauties with their hourglass figures and unblemished skin. Between earning her shield and looking pretty, well, Kel had her priorities. She wasn’t concerned with marriage prospects, and being from a newly ennobled family, lacked the pressure to marry well.

For a time, she thought she had gotten lucky. Roald showing an interest in her was like a dream. He knew her and her drive, understood why she fought so hard for her shield where others would have given up. She hadn’t needed to feel beautiful with Roald, because he made her feel like physical appearances didn’t matter. They were two people cut from the same stone in all the ways that mattered.

Of course, he wound up ripping her heart out. Though truly, she only had herself to blame. Kel should have known better than to presume Tortall’s prince could marry a girl whose house wasn’t even in the Book of Copper.

But she couldn’t help being a little self-conscious about the scars she had accumulated. One in particular.

Scars were another part of the life she had chosen. She tried to wear them proudly, like badges of honor. A sign that she had survived against the odds. That she had fought hard and emerged victorious. Though Neal liked to claim the scars on her right hand from the griffin were of stubbornness and compassion.

The scar under her left breast was another that came from her being exceptionally bull-headed, and it was the one scar that Kel felt actually marred her skin.

The Lady Knight had continued to travel with the King’s Own after the war with Scanra had ended. Raoul’s company had been called to aid a village besieged by a Tauros, one of the more unpleasant immortals. The beast possessed limited intelligence and a single purpose: raping and killing women. Her former knight-master had wanted to keep her out of the fight entirely, an opinion shared by many of his men. Kel had understood it was because no one wanted to risk the immortal catching her, but she had pushed, arguing that her presence would distract the Tauros and make it easier for them to kill it.

The plan had worked. As soon as the beast realized there was a female amongst them, he had disregarded the warriors in favor reaching Kel. Only, they had underestimated how fast the bull-like creature could move. Under the curve of her left breast was a raised circular scar from where his horn had gored her. It was roughly the size of a silver noble, white and puffy still after several years. Perhaps, if the King’s Own had had someone with the Gift, it wouldn’t look so horrible, but nothing could be done for it now.

Kel was only grateful that the ugly scar would never be seen. Unless she removed her breastband. If she allowed Neal to work his magic and ease the tenderness she was currently experiencing, she would have to reveal that scar to him.

Neal wasn’t aware of that particular scar, and she had no plans clue him in to its existence. She didn’t want him to worry about her, for it no longer hurt, nor feel guilty that he hadn’t been there to prevent the scarring in the first place.

Neal thought she was bad about taking blame that didn’t belong to her, but he did the exact same thing when it came to his friend getting injured.

Besides, she didn’t need a magical cure every time a new pregnancy symptom hit her. Her sisters had managed several times over without a Healer on hand. Kel was the warrior. It would be shameful if she could not do the same.

The brunette turned her thoughts to the kitchen. What she needed was a distraction. The pantry needed restocking. She could check the budget and do a supply run. There were plenty of fish in their icebox still, and while she couldn’t prepare food without needing her chuck bucket, directing Neal to make some Yamani inspired meals should be easy enough.

It had been awhile since she had tasted true Yamani dishes. With Blue Harbor being a port town, finding the necessary seasonings and ingredients would be an easy task.

Excited by the prospect of eating something different, Kel made her shopping list first, prioritizing standard food staples over her desired Yamani cuisine, and added the exotic fares once she was certain she had enough coin for them.

Last thing she did before leaving the house was empty her chuck bucket. They had forgotten once, and there was no worse smell than returning home to a bucket of vomit that was fermenting in its own heat.

Neal thought he had ben wonderfully clever naming it so.

“It’s a bucket full of upchuck that gets chucked out the window,” as he so crudely put it. And thus, the unfortunate name stuck.

Kel truly couldn’t wait until she was past the first trimester. She’d be more limited physically as her belly grew rounder and parts of her body began to swell, but she was done with constantly being sick and tired.

A little bit of mental math, the exact date of conception was unknown, but it had been six weeks since Duke Baird confirmed her pregnancy. Accounting for the two weeks of sneaking into Roald’s chambers, Kel was anywhere from six to eight weeks along, meaning she had another six to eight before she moved into the second trimester.

The emptied bucket slipped from her fingers.

Kel sat upon the bed, suddenly despondent. She had another seven or eight weeks more likely, for she highly doubted she and Roald conceived on their very first night, of unending nausea to look forward to for a baby that she wasn’t going to keep. Her suffering, her pain, her hardship.

And her reward would be to watch from afar as the man she loved and the woman she considered her best female friend raised her child, all the while keeping her mouth shut.

She was vividly reminded of jousting practices with Raoul where she experienced a brief moment of weightlessness as she was sent flying, and the jarring, all-encompassing pain of crashing back to the ground hard enough to turn her backside into a patchwork of blue, black, and purple bruises.

She was overcome by that feeling. It pressed down upon her chest, making it difficult to breathe.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t wanted a family. Kel planned for it at some point. It was always later, though. First it was her shield. Then the Scanran war and that task the Chamber had set for her. Then she had needed time to put the pieces of her heart back together when the King and Queen were wed.

Kel cursed her weak heart. She thought she knew what she was getting into. And she was wrong. So, so wrong. All that time she had spent considering when their majesties had presented this scheme, she hadn’t given any thought to what came after.

She wasn’t ready for children, so it would be easy to place the babe in Shinkokami’s arms and move on, denying any connection or involvement with the child that was half hers. Kel would eventually find herself a husband and have children with him and forget the one that came before them.

But now her emotions were drowning out her sense of logic, and all she could think about was how unfair the whole situation was to her.

Her reputation would be ruined. Already all of Crocus believed she had laid with a random common man. Being unmarried, her child would be a bastard. Never mind that he would be the king’s bastard. And she was supposed to pretend at the end that her child had been stillborn, so the King and Queen could proudly present the fruit of her womb as theirs.

Who would want her after all that?

Lost in her newfound realizations and accompanying misery, Kel lost track of time. Naturally, today was the day Neal returned home at a decent hour, and found her weeping into the bed linens.

Rapid fire questions fell from his mouth as he tried to determine what was wrong, what was causing her pain, and how he could fix it.

“You must think me stupid.”

Neal blinked at the unexpected answer. “I would never think you stupid for crying, and you don’t have to hide your tears from me. They don’t make you weak.” He held of on adding, especially in your condition, as the clarifier was more likely to upset her further.

“No, not for crying,” Kel corrected. “For going along with Roald and Shinkokami’s plans.” A shadow crossed his eyes, which she wouldn’t have noticed if she wasn’t already watching his face. Where she hid her true emotions under a veneer of neutrality and polished stone, Neal covered his with over the top happiness or sarcasm.

Neal curled his fingers into hers. “Never,” he said firmly. “I know you didn’t jump into the king’s bed as soon as the opportunity presented itself.”

Kel scoffed, because it was truer than he believed. Their majesties had offered her the chance to feed her heart’s most selfish desire, and Kel took several days to convince herself that she was doing it for king and country and not herself.

“I told you once before that they were cruel and wrong to ask this of you, and I stand by that.”

She smiled weakly. “Thank you. I think I needed to hear that again.”

“What are friends for? Now, go wash those tears off and I’ll scrape us up some food.”

Indeed, Kel thought. She had never imagined the boy forced to be her mentor because no one else wanted to take on the Girl would turn out to be her truest friend. She was so very grateful that Neal had stepped up and offered to take her under his wing, both then and now. Kel imagined her years at the palace would have been rather lonely without him. No doubt the other pages wouldn’t have approached her willingly. Despite being several years older, Neal was the bridge between her and the rest of the pages. It was his popularity that brought the others around to the idea of being friends with the Girl.

Neal was charming and witty and handsome. Steadfast when she needed his support, even when he didn’t agree. Mithros, he had nearly made himself the oldest to try for page when Joren and his cronies had arranged Lalasa’s kidnapping. She was the one to remind him that Wyldon may not let him repeat his page years. She refused to let him suffer the consequences alongside her. They both knew Lord Wyldon would be justified in making her retake those four years, if not remove her from the program entirely. She didn’t want to be the reason he failed to achieve his shield.

Why couldn’t she have fallen for him instead? Her heart would have thanked her for sparing it the heartache.

Kel dried her face, avoiding looking in the mounted mirror. Neal would never like her in that way. He had shown interest in plenty of ladies, all of whom looked nothing like her. More than likely, she was another sister to him.

And she was fine with that, she reminded herself, burying the nugget of momentary attraction. She wasn’t going to ruin her friendship with Neal because she was pitying herself. She had chosen to lay in this bed, quite literally, and wasn’t going to drag him down with her because she was starting to feel things she shouldn’t.

Just because he offered to claim the baby didn’t mean he harbored amorous feelings toward her.

Kel had to be content that he was willing to help her at all and be careful to not tarnish his reputation. After all, he was the eldest son, and would inherit Queenscove from his father. He would need to marry a noble girl who would give him sons.

He’s beyond you, she told her heart. You can’t have him.

Chapter 14

“Will you let me give you that massage if I swear it’s healer’s orders?”

Kel’s hand twitched. The strip of fish speared on her fork missed, stabbing into her chin and leaving a sticky streak of the honey glaze, a both literal and metaphysical mark of her crack in composure.

Neal had been relentless in his desire to ease her discomfort. It wasn’t logical, he claimed, for her to suffer, when there was something he could do for her. Never pushy, never pleading. Kel was uncertain if she would be able to continue to deny his aid if he didn’t step back each time she said no.

He continued to ask once each day, accepting her denial each time she voiced it, but Goddess if it wasn’t getting harder to do so.

“You talked to Duke Baird about…” the female knight trailed off, unable speak of her breasts and Neal’s father in the same sentence.

Neal’s eyebrow became pointed. Kel’s traitorous heart skipped at beat. She told herself it was just heartburn and nothing more and tried to ignore it.

“Not at all,” he easily denied. “I keep him abreast of your general progression and that’s it. At least, until something concerning or out of the ordinary happens.”

“Out of the ordinary?” Kel repeated, puzzled. Like her war with her stomach to keep her and the babe fed?

His lips curled roguishly. “I’m always betting on you, Lady Knight.” Kel’s skin flushed with warmth, grateful for the faith from her best friend. “But I also know that anything can happen when you are involved. Baby griffins, chamber ordained missions, making Lord Wyldon smile. You have a reputation when it comes to impossible things.”

Kel didn’t know what to make of his claim. She couldn’t quite deny it, as she had run into more unusual situations and immortals than the rest of her peer group, but it was hardly her fault. She certainly hadn’t asked for any of the challenges that she had faced and fervently prayed to both Mithros and the Great Mother Goddess that Neal’s words did not turn into some kind of forewarning.

His jaw was still moving though, preventing Kel from identifying the rising sense of unease she was experiencing.

“But no, this advice actually comes from my former knight-mistress,” Neal stated, circling back to his original request. Alanna, her brain filled in, horror starting to creep through her veins. “And by the way, you still have honey sauce right here…” Neal’s aside finished with him licking his thumb and swiping the slight we digit around the curve of her chin.

She blinked, taken aback by the completely unexpected action. Her words further failed her as he brought it to his lips and sucked the honey residue off. “Hm, a little too sweet. Might add a little ginger next time for some spice and heat.”

Kel inhaled through the nose, deep and slow, and held the breath for several beats of her heart—which pounded so loudly in her ears, as she fought to strangle her emotions, pushing them deep beneath the water’s surface. Stone. I am stone. Smooth and strong.

She released the breath, looking her companion square in the face.

LINE

Neal’s brow furrowed, recognizing the process of Kel masking her emotions beneath an unexpressive veneer. He had upset her, obviously, but how?

Aside from the offer of a massage, she hadn’t denied his assistance with anything.

Kel’s practical attitude was almost as infamous as her legendary stubbornness. Pregnancy was not all sunshine and pretty smelling roses. In fact, Neal had helped clean her chuck bucket on a regular basis and both of their clothes on occasions where she didn’t reach it time.

He frowned at his thumb. He didn’t think it was the act of him wiping the honey sauce from her face. Maybe he should have used the cloth napkin instead. He couldn’t help himself though. His hand was in motion before he thought about it and once it was on his finger Neal wondered if it would taste sweeter coming from her skin. Next thing Neal knew, his thumb was in his mouth for a second time and the delightful taste of honey and something pleasantly earthy.

“You’ve spoken with Lady Alanna about my body?”

Neal flinched at the flat delivery. When she phrased it that way it sounded like he had participated in the crass conversations teenaged boys enjoyed. Or Joren and his vile tongue. “She was my knight-mistress, a healer, and has had three children herself. I’ve only written her once or twice, just for a second opinion. She’s actually with child too, amazingly!”

Kel’s brown eyes blinked owlishly. “But isn’t she too old for that?”

He waved a hand in the air. “It’s not outside the realm of possibilities. Especially when you consider that her patron god is the Great Mother Goddess herself.” It was more terrifying, in his opinion. Neal’s knight-mistress was difficult to keep up with and twice as hard to understand her reasoning. He could only be thankful that she was several days south and unlikely to journey up to Blue Harbor just to continue his education. All of his logic had failed him as a squire whenever she saw the need to drag him to heal every case of the sniffles. Now, in her condition, he’d be too afraid of her hot temper to open his mouth.

And silence was not a state he found himself in often, much to many of his teachers’ dismay.

“My father has delivered many a babes, but I thought her perspective would be helpful. She’s experienced and a female knight.” Kel’s face returned to its blank state as she processed his reasoning, then like a street puppet with its strings cut, she slumped against the back of her seat.

“I know you meant no harm by it, Neal, but I would appreciate being informed of your intentions before you wrote her.” Neal opened his mouth, an apology already set to spill forth, but Kel was not finished, holding up a hand cut him off. “I agree that her wisdom and knowledge will be beneficial, and a letter can be carried to Pirate’s Swoop much faster than Corus. Please, just ask me first.”

Neal reached out with one hand, palm up, hesitating just inside her reach, allowing Kel to decide whether or not to grasp it. The brunette easily settled her hand in his, curling their fingers together. “I beseech thee, mighty goddess, to forgive this fool’s foolish folly and presumptuousness. If it is your desire, I shall tuck my wicked tongue behind my teeth while you lambast me at length.”

Neal rambled an unending and overly flowery apology. As he was going on three minutes of lyrical waxing about increasingly ridiculous ways he would make it up to her for accidentally—if well-intentionally—going behind her back, Kel’s demeanor softened.

“I am sorry,” he said. He knew from the mirth that was now present in her eyes that Kel had already forgiven him. Honestly, his best friend forgave a little too easily. The flowery apology was jokingly given, and not completely insincere, but she deserved a genuine apology where he didn’t make excuses or promise to join her fan throwing circle.

“I know. Thank you for the apology and writing Lady Alanna. I think I would be more comfortable asking her questions than your father.”

“Will you let me try to help you?” Neal ventured. “Alanna claimed her husband’s hands were quite magical when her breasts were tender.”

Kel’s gaze shifted to the side, so she was more looking at where his ear attached to his head than Neal’s eyes. “He is her husband. Of course she would say that.”

Neal clenched his free hand into the fabric at the bottom of his tunic to ground himself. What he wouldn’t give to be that for her. She thought Neal was joking when he offered to wed her and claim her child as his own if she ever decided this ruse was too much. Claimed she didn’t want to ruin his reputation alongside hers. Not that he thought even remotely that was a possibility she faced. Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan, named Protector of the Small by the child seer Irnai, commander and defender of New Hope, and probably a dozen more epithets from smallfolk she had help, was loved by the smallfolk populace. Only the stuffy conservative nobles would give a damn about her reputation and try to vilify her for having a babe unwedded, and quite frankly their friends and families gave even less of a damn to for their outdated opinions.

He loved Kel with his whole heart. Platonically. Romantically. Unequivocally and endlessly. He’s told her so before. Had said I love you dozens of times. And she had reciprocated, but always with the clarification you are my dearest friend¸ or I am grateful for your friendship. He never had the courage to claim I’m in love with you. To lay his soul bare and let her know that everything he was belonged to her.

He could be the best friend that was secretly in love with her so long as she still loved him back in the same manner. And, nestled in the deepest corner of his heart, Neal held onto the hope that by the time the babe arrived, he could prove his love and devotion and desire.

‘Focus, Neal!’ he chided himself.

“Perhaps she must,” he shrugged, trying act nonchalant, “though if I know my knight-mistress she would not claim so if it was not true. But I am your healer. I’m here to take care of you. There doesn’t have to be anything sexual or intimate about it. Just a healer using his magic hands to help you feel better. Please, let me try this once. And if you dislike it, I will never bring it up again.”

The healer tugged on his Gift, bringing a green glow around their still conjoined hands.

Kel’s silence felt weighted. Neal beseeched her with his best puppy eyes.

“Alright.”

Neal released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and the sensation that felt like his chest was about to explode disappeared. “Alright,” he affirmed. “Let’s move this somewhere a little more comfortable.”

The half-eaten dinners were abandoned on the table as he led his best friend and the secret love of his life into her bedroom. He steered her away from the bed, wanting to keep away from the more intimate connotations, directing her towards the low-back cushioned armchair. It would provide both support and place a barrier between their bodies to make her more comfortable.

Kel sat in the chair, back ramrod straight, like she was standing attention in front of Upton Oakbridge during a Midwinter banquet.

Neal positioned himself behind her, hands curled over the divot of her shoulders. “Relax a little, Kel. I’m not Uptight Oakbridge,” he joked. “I’ll start with your shoulders first, sound good?”

Her brown hair swung with the terse nod of her head.

“Relax,” he whispered soothingly. “This is about easing your tension and nothing more. Does it feel good? I’m not using too much pressure, am I?”
“No, this is fine.”

Neal hummed, contentedly. He continued rubbing, keeping to small, circular motions, as he moved down her back to work on the shoulder blades. Bit by bit, Kel relaxed under his ministrations, stiffness melting from her frame until she slouched into the chair.

“Do you want me to move to the front, now?”

Kel’s head tipped forward, but her shoulders pushed up against his hands.

“I need you to be certain. You have to tell me that it’s what you want. It’s fine if you don’t,” he said. “I can just keep doing your shoulders and upper back if that’s all you want.”

“Yes, then.”

Neal debated pushing her to actually say that she wanted his hands on her breasts but he didn’t want to push his boundaries or push her towards banning this activity in the future. Instead, he slid his hands down her front, cupping the swell of her flesh in each hand, alternating rubbing his thumb from the top towards the nipple and the rest of his fingers that massaged the underside.

She groaned, the exhalation sending a thrill through the healer. ‘Relaxing, relaxing, relaxing. Nothing sexy or intimate. Just a doctor and his patient.’ It felt good but he could ignore that feeling. She was enjoying it. He was doing his job as healer.

His fingers continued their sensual dance. Up and down. Back and forth. Cupping and surrounding and caressing. Unbidden his eyes were drawn to the center of her breast, to the nipples starting to stiffen and darken. Standing out like a perfect, perky target reminiscent of the center of a bullseye.

His thumb sailed a little lower. The rest of his fingers instinctively came up to meet in the middle. Not pinching. Just enough pressure to catch it between his fingers and give a gentle tug.

This time the sound Kel made was more akin to a moan and it went straight to his nether region, making Neal grateful for the presence of the chair between them. With immense willpower, Neal pulled his hands away, resting them on the back of the chair. He couldn’t trust himself touching her skin any longer.

‘Just her friend. Don’t take any liberties just because Kel was dense when it came to relationships and emotions in general.’

“So, are my fingers magical? Do they feel less tender?”

Kel hummed, pleased. “Yeah, that actually felt good.”

“Good,” he echoed. “Good. Just let me know if you need me to work my magic again. In the meantime, I’m going to clean up the meal we left. You should lay down and take a nap. You snored a couple of times, so clearly you’re not getting enough sleep.”

“Me? Snore?” Kel asked, playfully affronted. “Those accusations wound deep, Queenscove.”

Neal allowed himself one more touch, gently mussing her hair. “And so do the bags under your eyes. Get some rest, Mindelan.”

He quickly exited the room and busied himself cleaning up their unfinished meal. He also crawled into bed early, praying for a respite from his own thoughts. Neal must be the worst person alive, he imagined, for so desperately wanting Kel’s heart when it belonged to another and the lack of guilt he felt for his brief moment of weakness.

Chapter 15

Kel’s days flew by in a haze of routine. She took comfort in her daily meditations and physical exercise and meticulously ensuring the shared house was kept clean. Neal’s check ups always came after dinner, with a quiet offer for a massage should she want another one.

By the gods did she. But she would turn him down several days in a row before eventually caving in to the desire to feel his hands upon her in an intimate manner.

So, naturally, she was due to have her routine categorically thrown off balance.

It started with the arrival of the next biweekly payment. Kel had expected it to contain fifty gold crowns, as they all had previously for that was the agreed upon amount, excessive as she thought it was. But Roald refused to listen to her protests.

“Are my eyes deceiving me or are there three bags of gold on our table?” Neal asked dryly, for the three bags of coin were very conspicuous.

Together, they split the bags and counted the coins. One contained the anticipated fifty. The other two, totaling a smaller, but unexpected extra, twenty-five gold crowns each, Neal concluded to be their knight’s dues.

Given knights their own land to manage in form of payment had fallen out of practice more than a century ago when it had been determined that only nobles could seek knighthood. Previously, it served to provide the new knight with a land to manage, which meant they earned tithes and taxes from the commoners that lived on their land, and thus the means to buy his own equipment. The king could still ennoble a family at his discretion, much like King Jonathan IV had done for Kel’s family when her father sealed a peace treaty. They weren’t even added to the Book of Copper yet. Compared to the Queenscove line, which was in the Book of Gold dating back more than 400 years.

The law changes in who was eligible to try for knighthood necessitate the crown to find an alternative payment. A knight’s wages. A predetermined salary for all knights, calculated on their family history first—because the noblemen of the time wouldn’t hear otherwise. Having a son from a Gold family paid the same as a Silver, never mind Copper, was an outrageous insult—and their individual contributions as a knight.

It was a basically a way for the older families to continue to validate that their history and existence meant more to the realm.

Kel had a good head for numbers and calculations, but like most knights, her salary was given to the bank to hold onto until she needed it. She had never questioned the amount of gold in her account, simply assuming that her mother or father had been adding to it as well.

Now, though, she was being forced to reconsider her previous assumptions. Unless Roald had decided her value as a knight increased because she was pregnant with his child—which he better not have. Kel was already formatting a letter to her friend to explain why he couldn’t pay her a higher knight’s wage that coincided with her being pregnant because no one was supposed to know she was having his baby—a frankly insulting excuse, that meant he had been pay her a higher rate all along.

But she couldn’t fathom why. The Mindelan family wasn’t even in the Book of Copper. While she had known that a Gold family earned twenty-five crowns because her former knightmaster often had her balance the books for the Third Company, and Raoul usually put his salary towards the company’s budget, Kel wasn’t aware of how much, precisely, a knight of her history and background should be earning.

She had erroneously filled in the blank, assuming each lower rank earned five less gold crowns than the one above it, as it made more sense for her to be earning fifteen crowns a month and her parents throwing a little extra her way than to imagine she was earning twenty-five from the Crown.

Neal frowned as she explained as much to him when she insisted the extra must be for him.

“Hang on minute. The money is yours, Kel. If anything, Roald should be paying you more.”

She stared at her friend, perplexed by his jest.

“You single-handedly helped end the Scanran War by killing Blyce and removing his killing machines from the battlefield.”

“But I disobeyed direct orders to go after him,” she argued.

“And the Stump ‘punished’ you by making you assume command of the same refugees you disobeyed him to save,” countered Neal.

The Lady Knight smoothed out her grimace before it could fully form. The whole time she was training to become a knight, Kel had fought for fairness and justice. Lord Wyldon would have been well within his rights to remove her from command, dock her pay, have her publicly lashed, and then sent back to Corus to be court martialed.

Not that she was ungrateful, as disobeying her commanding officer, abandoning her post, and marching into Scanran while they were at war could have seen Keladry stripped of her knighthood, and nobility if King Jonathan felt so inclined.

She was relieved to not be stripped of her shield after all the effort she put into gaining it and the numerous trials she had overcome, but she would have understood if it had come to that. And honestly, Kel would have gone after her refugees anyway, because that was what a knight was supposed to do.

But Kel would hear whispers about how Lord Wyldon let her off lightly because she was female. They were quite ironic, for Wyldon of Cavall had been harder on her than any other page. More strict. More critical. Finding new and creative ways to punish Kel for her fear of heights. He was the one who had pushed for her probationary year, even though the king had declared females had the right to earn shields.

No, Lord Wyldon had never been fair to her. Not in his general treatment of her, nor when doling out rewards or discipline.

“I only did what I felt what expected of me. Allowing me to keep my knighthood was a better consequence than I deserved. There’s no way he would still be paying me extra five years after the war. Besides, he’s already sending more than we need.”

Neal threw his hands in the air. “Call it guilt money then!”

She scowled. “I don’t want money for my services like I’m some kind of whore.” Those rumors had already seen her chased out of the castle. If Roald was paying her more for carrying his heir, he was essentially making her the highest paid whore in all of Tortall.

Neal’s green eyes looked stricken. “Graveyard’s hag, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“What’s the point?” her tone was defeated. “It’s true, isn’t it? He’s paying me to bear him a child.”

His hand slapped on the table. “He’s sending money,” Neal said firmly, taking care to stress his verbiage, “to see that you are healthy and comfortable. Unless you’re telling me that he slipped you a few coppers when he bedded you, this money is meant to ensure you’re wellbeing.”

Kel was frustrated that the healer didn’t understand. “I haven’t performed knightly duties in more than two months. All I’ve done lately is be sick to my stomach. How is that deserving of being paid? If he’s still paying me my knight wages than it’s because he considers my actions a service to the Crown.”

“Kel, I promise you that Roald doesn’t think you a whore. He’s doing the only thing he can in his position to take care of you and your child. Besides, it would look more suspicious if you weren’t receiving any pay.”

Neal still believed their mutual friend was a bit of a moron for insisting on trying to present Kel’s babe as Shinko’s. Unless it popped out of the womb an exact replica of the father, the truth would will out when none of the queen’s Yamani features were present. So long as this was what Kel wanted, he was content to keep his mouth shut, but now he was beginning to debate the merit of cluing Roald in to Shinko’s deception.

Kel may love the man, but she didn’t deserve to be made to feel like a whore for the sake of politics and peace.

“So, you don’t think I’m a whore?”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” he smirked, lips twitching.

“Pardon?”

“You, my dear Lady Knight,” he began imperiously, pointing a fork at her second bowl of rice, doused heavily in fish sauce as she had taken to doing, “are a whore for that abomination you call nourishment.”

“I don’t think you can use the word ‘whore’ in that manner.”

“Which of us studied at the Tortallan Royal University?”

“But you quit,” she pointed out cheerfully. Neal relished the satisfaction he felt at breaking through her stone mask and bringing the female knight out of her funk.

Neal stuck his nose up in the air. “I’m still more educated than any who would dare call you a whore. As such, I do declare that the only manner in which you are debasing yourself is by subjecting your poor taste buds to that horrendous concoction—and are those pickles in there?! By Mithros, why?”

Kel nonchalantly took a bite of her meal, enjoying the way her friend’s face scrunched up in mostly exaggerated disgust. “You’re the one who suggested them.”

“In place of the fish sauce! Not in addition too. If you’re consuming that much salt and acid, I’ll have to see about adding more fruits and vegetables to your diet.”

Neal muttered to himself, getting up to search for the log he had started to track what she ate. Thankfully, the nausea had started to ease off somewhat, and her appetite increased as a result, removing one worry from the both of them now that Kel was eating more regularly and keeping it down.  

Though Kel was amused to be on the receiving end of the importance of eating your vegetables lecture since that had always been her role.

Kel moved to tuck away her bag a gold, putting it out of sight and out of mind. Roald was already giving them an exorbitant amount of gold to maintain their daily needs—truly more than two people needed.

Neal was likely right, and her insecurities were probably getting the best of her. But it was impossible not to spiral. All the secrecy to cover up the babe’s illegitimacy because they intended to pass it off as born out of the queen’s womb.

Hush money.

She resolved to stash it away in case of emergencies, with the intention of giving it back when she could. The truth would only condemn her as well, and Kel didn’t have the protection of being royalty.

And Roald never spoke of what would happen after. Though Kel had never asked. Her emotions had won over her logic because her friends were asking her for something her heart had traitorously yearned for and Kel had felt crushed for Shinko to know the other woman was unable to have children.

Kel pulled out a sheaf of parchment and set to writing a letter to Lalasa, her former maid turned dressmaker. She would be able to get a second letter, which would be included within, to Roald and Shinko.