Chapter Text
She remembered the first time it happened. “I got you, Miss Luthor.”
She was high up in the air, cradling a terrified Lena in her arms, listening to Corben’s unstable kryptonite explode in the facility below. Lena - who had been falsely accused, and then kidnapped, and threatened - clung to Kara for dear life.
Kara could feel Lena’s heartbeat racing in her chest. “Can you get into your place through the balcony?” Kara murmured, and Lena nodded silently in response.
Kara landed, placing a terrified Lena down, the other woman clinging to her arms to steady herself. She’s gone through so much, Kara thought, taking in the terrified Luthor, when all she wants to do is the right thing. “We have the evidence to prove your innocence, Lena,” Kara said, “I’m going to take it to the police right now.”
Lena nodded, finally calm enough to look Kara - Supergirl - in the face. She straightened herself a little, taking a slow breath. “You said Kara still believes in me,” she murmured, her voice disbelieving and quivering, “I don’t know how that can be.”
Kara’s brow furrowed, and she gave Lena’s arm a gentle squeeze. “She’s- she’s your friend,” Kara said, the word feeling strange on her tongue - but what else would they be? “Of course she believes in you.”
Lena nodded, swallowing harshly.
“Are you going to be okay tonight?” Kara asked.
“Yes,” Lena replied, her voice finally becoming more firm, “Thank you, Supergirl.”
She remembered the second time it happened, walking with Lena on the way to lunch.
Kara hoped she wasn’t being too clingy. The incident over the reservoir - where Lena had begged to die, sparing the city - hadn’t been all that long ago. Of course Kara felt protective.
They were making their way down the sidewalk, chatting as they headed to a row of new restaurants, when Lena referred to Kara as her best friend for the first time. The words fell absentmindedly from Lena’s lips, causing her to jolt in realization and glance away sheepishly.
But Kara only smiled, grabbing Lena’s hand. “Well, I think my best friend needs to try the new Korean barbecue place,” she said, and Lena smiled.
Best friend, Kara said to herself, she’s my best friend. It was almost a prayer, chasing away uncertainty in the shadows of her mind, something prowling in the night that might wound her if she got too close.
She was choking on kryptonite air the third time it happened.
When Supergirl and Lena fell out - and she knew she was to blame - it was the beginning of the end. The friendship would die, and all she could bring herself to do was claw at the walls in the hopes of staving off loss just a little longer. But that time had come.
Hours passed in the Fortress in agony, as Kara’s mind cycled through every moment with Lena, every mistake. She was my best friend, Kara thought, feeling hope die in her chest, she was my best friend.
Whatever skulked in the shadows of her mind seemed to die, too.
But hope is hard to kill.
Through Crisis and Lex and the endless dreary dusk of the Phantom Zone, Kara finally found herself back on Earth Prime. Lena saved her. Lena forgave her. Kara counted her blessings and whispered them to a red star.
But she was far from healed. She was a mess of nightmares, throwing herself into Catco and defending the Earth in an attempt to sleep less, to dream less. Time heals all wounds, she would remind herself. At least, that’s what humans say, ever since that one playwright in ancient Greece wrote it.
Slowly, her tattered scraps of soul began to mend, and she did start breathing a little easier. The nightmares were still there, but she was starting to be able to control them.
Except for that corner. That corner with the beast she couldn’t look at.
Luckily, Nyxly kept her busy.
“What have you tried?” Alex asked.
“Everything!” Kara half-shouted, getting a comforting rub on her back from Lena, who sat next to her on the couch. Kara relaxed slightly, lowering her voice. “Everything. I save you, I save someone from robbery, I just keep saving people.”
Her eyes darted up to where Alex and Kelly were sitting, across the floor on the other Tower couch. Part of her noticed their mirrored positions - how Kelly curled up against Alex’s arm in the way that Lena was leaning against hers - but Kara pushed the thought aside, glancing down at the courage totem. “What am I doing wrong?” she muttered.
“A test of character,” Lena mulled, recalling the information they got from the Fortress, “One with a deep emotional toll.”
“That has to be one of the most courageous moments of your life,” Kelly said, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms, “I just don’t understand why that day would be the test.”
“Right?” Kara said, “I feel like I was the most courageous then.”
“What’s even the point of doing something brave in a simulation?” Alex said, “You know it’s not real. There’s gotta be something more.”
Kara frowned.
She stopped trying. The price was too great, riling up the city, causing everyone to feel “bravery” - enough “bravery” to punch someone that mildly annoyed them.
And it was making J’onn really weird.
So Kara sat on a step in the Tower, mulling over her options. If I keep going, I endanger the city, she lamented, and if I stop, Nyxly might get control of the courage totem first-
The elevator door opened, and Kara glanced up to watch Lena walk in.
“Hey,” Lena smiled, “Any luck with your trials?”
Kara laughed dimly as Lena took a seat next to her, and they mulled over their findings. Kara’s failed attempts at the totem, Lena’s frustration in trying to contain something magical, the kryptonian witch that Lena would soon be questioning.
They’d try every path, Lena affirmed, and they’d figure out a way. Kara hoped she was right.
Kara glanced up at Lena, taking in the soft waves in her hair, the almost relaxed bearing of her body. Things were so different a year ago, Kara thought, feeling a warmth in her chest at who Lena was becoming - who Lena was allowed to become now, that she never could with the Luthors.
But there was another question on her mind. “Do you really not believe in magic?” Kara murmured.
Lena demurred, uncertainty rising on her face as she hesitated. She glanced down at her hands, trying to form words. But after a moment, she smiled softly, glancing up at Kara. “I believe in you.”
Kara felt her heart skip a beat.
Not long after, Lena excused herself - she had an interrogation to get to. “Have fun,” Kara laughed, watching as Lena turned to give her one last smile before walking out the door.
Kara could feel a faint blush come to her cheeks as she mulled over how Lena looked at her now. Because now, Lena saw all of her - the house of El, Danvers, Supergirl, the goofball in between - every fragment of Kara. And somehow, Lena still wanted to be her friend.
Kara closed her eyes, tracking Lena’s heartbeat through the Tower, mulling over how it sounded identical to the day they met. Kara could feel a sort of fullness in her throat, a small stinging in her eyes. All those years ago, when she imagined what they could do together, she never imagined all of this. Not the pain along the way, not the sense of completeness at the end.
Except…
Kara’s brow crinkled in surprise, and her eyes fluttered open. With a wave of understanding, she realized what she had been afraid to know all along. There had never been a beast in the corner of her mind.
Now, she was ready to shine that light.
What lurked in her mind surprised her, but only in a quiet, muted way. Less of a but this is impossible and more of an of course. She knew it now, what lay in the shadows, and she was done living in the darkness of her own lies.
She wasn’t strong enough to confess it to Lena. But she was no longer so cowardly and confused as to hide it from herself. “I wish we were more than friends,” Kara whispered in the empty room.
A voice boomed. “You have performed admirably.”
An hour later, Kara stumbled into the main room of the tower, catching the superfriends’ attention as she walked in - with a red shard in her hands. “Whoa!” Alex said, jumping up from her seat, “You got the courage totem?!”
“Yeah,” Kara said weakly.
“How?” Nia asked curiously.
“One more trial,” Kara murmured, trying not to catch Kelly’s discerning expression, “We can move forward now.”
“Ok,” Brainy said, turning to the Tower computer. “According to my scan, tomorrow we should target-”
Lena sent Kara a curious look, and Kara brushed it off.
Lena didn’t push.
They spent their evening unwinding at Kara’s place, baking cookies and quietly chattering between oven rounds, packing away some for the Tower the next day. Kara was glad for the distraction.
But… but maybe she wasn’t done with honesty for the day. “I think the totem was trying to remind me,” Kara murmured, after putting one more cookie sheet in the oven, “Of a time I was brave.”
“So you didn’t save the plane again?” Lena asked curiously.
“No.”
Lena’s eyes lingered on the cooling sheet of fresh cookies, giving Kara space to untangle her words. “I’m not sure it’s the same for everyone with the totem,” Kara said.
“How so?”
Kara shrugged. “The courage I had trouble with was the courage to face the truth,” she said, “To stop lying to myself.”
Lena glanced up, surprised - but understanding. “I’ve been there before,” she said.
Kara bit her lip. “I should tell you,” she said, “I’m just afraid it might break us.”
“We won’t break, Kara,” Lena said firmly, “Whether or not you say what’s on your mind. We’re going to be ok.”
Kara turned, glancing up to Lena. Her first instinct was to ask how - how Lena could be so sure. Kara had hurt Lena so badly that she lashed out by poisoning her and trying to brainwash the world. How could Lena believe they wouldn’t get there again?
But as Kara watched Lena - her soft expression, her gentle smile - she could feel the tension leaving her shoulders. They had come so far. How Kara felt might not be reciprocated, might even be awkward. But it couldn’t compare to what they had been through before.
They simply weren’t those people anymore. “I’m in love with you,” Kara said softly, watching Lena’s eyes widen. “I wasn’t able to admit it to myself before.”
Lena didn’t respond, instead staring at Kara in astonishment, mouth open as though she wanted to say something, but couldn’t.
Kara bit her lip nervously, glancing away. “I don’t expect- I know you don’t want-”
But she felt hands cup her face, and she again turned Lena’s way. Before she knew what was happening, she felt Lena launch towards her, planting her lips firmly on Kara’s, causing Kara’s mind to fritz out at the warmth where they met, instinctively wrapping her arms around Lena’s waist to pull her closer.
They didn’t notice as one of the cookie sheets brushed off the table and clattered to the ground as Kara tilted her head, pushing Lena back into the counter to deepen their kiss. Lena pulled tightly at Kara’s sleeves as they pressed almost desperately to each other-
Only to be rudely interrupted by a beeping timer, indicating the final batch of cookies were done.
They broke apart, panting, as Kara reached for the dial to turn the oven off, glancing at Lena bashfully. “You too?” Kara grinned.
“Years,” Lena gasped, “Years.”
Kara laughed, tilting her head forward to press against Lena’s. The two paused for moments, catching their breaths, letting their thoughts settle into a quiet hum of contentment. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” Kara murmured.
Lena smiled. “Better late than never,” she murmured, just before Kara leaned forward to capture her lips again.