These Gauls Are Crazy

by SilverLunar

Chapter 9: Breaking Points

Summary:

There are always limits with people, but we won't always know when we cross them.

*Rub* *Rub* *Rub*

“Haaa…”

Entirely bored she wringed out the wet cloth once more and switched it out for a dry one.

*Rub* *Rub* *Rub*

With another hard rub the plate was clean and dry.

Which just meant she had to continue onto the rest of the pile of dishes in the tub beside her.

It was tedious labor but she could make do, she always did. The only entertaining thing to watch from her spot in the kitchen was her husband Fulliautomatix through the small open window connecting the house and the shop.

There he was at his work again.

Slinging his hammer down over and over on top of the cooling molten metal. He had recently been commissioned to make a sword for someone to cut their yard with, idiotic sure, but she knew he was smart enough to ask no questions and just take the money.

She had found herself a good husband considering their circumstances.

It had been an arranged marriage.

Her parents had always raised her for this to be the way it went for her since childhood but from what she heard behind closed doors or maybe from loose lipped gal pals, it turns out her father-in-law Semiautomatix was strict enough to not tolerate her husband staying single forever like some of the other notable men in the village.

Just cordial interactions out of respect between the two when they first met but with enough time they ended up on good terms with an actual liking for one another, he was rough but she was rougher, he was hardworking and so was she. Even managed to have a son of their own named Selfipix who was already into his teen years and soon enough to be ready for a working job like his father.

While it was a rocky start she gained comfort in their routine.

Watching him from behind as he worked away… If he was actually working.

Hmm?

Out of confusion she blinked twice to clear her vision but it stayed the same.

His hand had stopped mid swing. Curiously she looked around at what she could from her spot, the benefit of having no shop doors was that the open tent let her essentially have a full view of everything going on outside.

Although nothing seemed different, only people passing by.

He then resumed his work.

How odd.

She resumed her own labor without much thought.

Her husband can have his moments of strangeness just like anyone else, if anything he mixed up their routine for just a little bit. Not so monotonous for a while.

Nothing wrong with a once in a blue moon deviation.

But it kept on happening.

At first, he had dismissed her concerns as his recent headache causing him to sometimes lose focus which is understandable when you have a sick man working. But even after he went on that morning walk to supposedly clear his head up, he didn’t stop doing it.

Day after day from morning till closing she would take notice of her husband suddenly stopping while doing anything just to stare at something in front of him. Pausing at multiple times of the day.

She could never read his face because of their placements but she felt suspicious of a habit that only started after he got oddly wasted at the last banquet.

Knowing that men like to keep secrets like a shut clam she went the next morning to her next-door best friend Bacteria because two snoops are always better than one.

“It’s odd alright.” Bacteria answered as she sipped on her tea.

“I knew you’d think so too! But I can’t for the life of me figure it out by myself. And he’s too dense to tell me himself.”

“My own husband can also be just as dense too.”

The two were in Bacteria’s kitchen chatting at the dinner table with the door to the fish shop locked for privacy. Well visual privacy at least, if Unhygenix felt like it he could listen in on the conversation without either knowing.

“So what? He just stands still like a statue then goes on like nothing happened?” Bacteria asked.

“Precisely! At this point I’m not even sure if he knows he still does it.”

“Any idea at what he’s peeping at?”

“No clue. Nothing outside but people walking by whenever he does it.”

She had thought to be going mad at looking for nothing in a scenery of normalcy.

The taller woman furrowed her brows together in thought until an idea popped up in her head that made her wince backwards in her chair as she began to say it out loud.

“Not to offend you but do you think there’s a chance he’s you know…”

“He’s what?” She questioned as she quietly sipped her drink.

“…”

“…”

“Making eyes at someone.” Bacteria blurted out.

The comment had made her spurt out her tea to the floor in shock.

“M-ma- making eyes? That’s ridiculous!” She angrily spat out.

“Sorry, sorry dear. But with how you put it sounds to me like he’s looking at a girl if all that passes by is people when he’s like that.” She worryingly explained in defense.

“Listen here Bacteria.” She pointed at her with a finger. “He may be a knucklehead but I know he’s a loyal one at least.”

“I’m just coming up with ideas here. Forgive me for saying what most women in this village wouldn’t have the gaul to tell you personally and not behind your back.”

“Then maybe come up with some more original ideas other than insinuating that my husband has a leering eye on him.”

Tension in the room was rising and even if they were arguing Bacteria wasn’t one to lie about what she believed in. Even if it paints an ugly picture.

“Well maybe you could observe closer?” She suggested with a shrug.

“I’m already looking at his back! How much closer could you get than that!?”

“No not that. I mean- You know him better than anyone else as his wife, right?”

“Yes, and what about it?”

“When you spend years on years living with the same slob you naturally pick up on their habits and reactions.”

That is true…

“Next time he does it just- pay attention. Look at the small details only you would know.”

“That only I would know?” She repeated back to herself.

Wasn’t that bad of an idea but there weren’t many that came to mind. Fulliautomatix usually acted before thinking so spotting any physical details or quirks wouldn’t be too hard of a task to do.

“Oh! Oh! And also look at his muscles! You can tell what someone is doing from behind by seeing how they tense up or relax. Like how healers look at a chest to see if someone’s breathing.” She enthusiastically pointed out.

It felt a bit wrong to spy harder on her husband for signs of infidelity even if he was behaving strange these past few days.

At the very least she could relieve some of the guilt when she did it by reminding herself that while cheating was impossible to be happening, the vigilance could help discover what was really going on.

“I’ll...” *Sigh* “I’ll try it out.”

“Remember to tell me when you find out what’s wrong.” She retorted before finishing her tea.

——————————————————————————————————

The following morning came around and as if on schedule her husband soon enough began to act strange again with his sudden pause mid forging. So, she began to look closer while cautiously wiping at a ceramic cup as her coverup.

She had thought this over the previous night. But concern consumed her morals in the end, concluding that today would be the most through she’d ever been.

As expected, his body had gone rigid but not enough to tense his muscles in stiffness, meaning he wasn’t afraid or cautious of what he was looking at. Not that there were many fears he had to begin with. Meaning it was something that caught his interest or that at least he wanted to see.

Next, she followed his gaze as accurately as she could and her eyes landed on a small group of young blonde women chatting with someone behind them. If she recalled correctly, they were triplets who often hovered around each other since childhood given none of them had married yet due to the fact any suitor interested in one would end up being watched like a hawk by the other two girls and leave in terror shortly after.

Okay. He was staring at a group of young, single and attractive women but he was also a bit of gossip like her so it wouldn’t be that strange for him to pay attention to a noisy group like them.

She glanced him up and down looking for any more obvious signs but no more were found.

Looking harder now for those small details only she could know how to spot, her eyes landed on his legs. Quickly realizing that the hunt for details would be harder to do when staring at his belt buckle and the lines of his pants.

His back told no tale, nothing to notice except the obvious crouching or standing up his spine would indicate.

Drifting away from his center her eyes moved away towards the arms to see what movements his hands were doing. At least the one free hand.

But she never even made it to that point.

For she had spotted it.

A tiny detail only she would know.

The shock alone made her drop the fragile cup she holding where it broke on the floor into pieces. Its noise wasn’t loud enough to snap Fulliautomatix out of his trance and neither her own current one that had her eyes locked onto one spot.

The hair on his arms had shivered upward.

A mundane behavior, it could easily be something explained away by the weather getting colder with the slow approximation of the new year but she knew better.

This had nothing to do with weather.

It was a trait of his that always occurred when he’d get in the mood to do something frisky with his wife once in a while. It began long ago alongside the blooming love they formed later on, becoming somewhat of a tell for her about his intention.

And now it was happening right in front of her while he wasn’t even looking in her general direction.

But that was only the first pain to her heart because even worse was the second that broke her to realize when she looked up at his head.

His back hair tuff had curled inward.

Something that only happened when he had said “I love you.”

It happened when they finally fell in love for real, when she was pregnant with their first son, when she gave birth and whenever they made love in private.

No, No, NoNoNoNoNoNo-

She didn’t want it to be true and kept denying it to herself in her head. Even without saying anything he might as well be thinking those words out loud.

This wasn’t real.

He wouldn’t.

Why would he?

Why was she seeing it happen clear as day with her own eyes?

Nothing in her surroundings to blame it on.

In the back of her mind, she slowly pieced together a picture along with a pattern that aligned with everything she had seen these past couple of days.

The triplets.

They had always been there from the start.

Looking back, he would behave normally, the girls would show up in view, then he’d stay still as he admired them from afar. Probably harboring lustful eyes to the single beauties as if he wasn’t a married man while potentially holding onto romantic feelings towards one of them. Only when they left would he relax and return to his work.

Her world was crashing.

She needed air.

Panting her way to a barrel she dunked her head in and drank water in chugs. Her front hair dripping wet when she came back up to breathe oxygen she needed.

She remained still with her hands gripping the sides of the barrel like her life depended on it. Staring emotionless at the swaying water under her.

From its waves a disheveled woman looked back.

She had heard tales of this happening to other women, dismissed it before as blaming the wife for not keeping her husband in check but now that she was on the other end…

It felt fucking awful.

But her mother never raised a quitter or a coward.

Taking in a deep breaths she stepped back and sat on her kitchen chair in silence.

Leaning on her arm against the kitchen table she began to think about what to do next. What about her son? Their marriage? How could they live together like this now? What about HERSELF?

Her fingers tapped away at the table in wait until she decided on what to do.

*Tap* *Tap* *Tap*

“…”

*Sigh*

This revelation wasn’t enough to convince her to make a choice.

She was tired, having had enough of his lies revealed, but she would give him one more chance all on his own without him even knowing it was the last. Meanwhile, she would have to start making mental preparations and actual plans for what she would do if he disappointed her. As much as she wanted him to not fail.

Looking out the window again she saw him working away as usual. Only now she felt angered staring at that head of his.

——————————————————————————————————

“Can you do it?” He asked with his arms crossed.

“Odd request but I can, you owe me for this one.” He said with a disgruntled expression.

“You know he’d never actually hit you on purpose, right?” He said with a grin.

“Easy for you to say! An artistic body like mine is way more fragile than you misshaped barbarians.” He exaggerated by holding his own body with both hands that made the other gaul chuckle at his gesture.

Asterix had met up in secret with Cacofonix in a shadowy corner of the village behind some crates. Away from nosey gauls and the eyes of someone who fell into the magic potion as a baby to then forever feel it’s effects for the rest of his life.

Days prior Asterix had awoken in the middle of the night to the sounds of creaking. Thinking it was Obelix he had jumped up to catch him in the act but the bed next him was empty of both blankets and his friend.

He never arrived home anymore either since they started running after each other. No amount of waiting around with the aroma of cooked boar filling the house enticed him enough to appear. But the creaking never quite went away.

At first, he thought it was the floorboards but they had proven to stay firm on both the second and first floor of the house.

Night after night he’d go crazy hearing that creaking at odd hours without knowing where it came from… until on one occasion where it came with a familiar snore. He thought he had gone mad but he heard it happen clearly again.

Following the noise, he had opened the bedroom window to hear the volume of the snore increase along with seeing something dangling from the side of the roof.

He couldn’t believe it.

Walking downstairs and out the house he had slowly made his way to the side of the house, making sure his feet didn’t move gravel around too much and saw a ridiculous sight.

Obelix with blankets and a pillow sleeping on top of their roof, pigtails dangling off the side as he dreamt away.

THIS!? THIS IS WHERE HE HAS BEEN SLEEPING!? He had screamed internally.

He had wanted to grab Obelix by the neck and shake him around. But opted for the better, more thought-out option.

Going back inside he returned to his spot under the covers and started to make up another plan of action. He knew where Obelix slept now and that the man didn’t seem to know that he knew yet either. Honestly the sheer audacity to sleep on top of him instead of the same room still felt unreal to him.

This hunting session needed to end.

It was time to catch a menhir sized mouse.

By the time he stopped thinking over ways to corner Obelix in his head he had concluded that for his plan to work he needed to ask a little favor from the bard that was currently pacing around in front of him in the present.

“I admit the staring might not be the best but he I assure you he knows he’s only allowed to punch the toughest of us.” Asterix reminded him while leaning against the crates.

“He’d better. Still don’t like feeling his pissed gaze regardless.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure Fulliautomatix will get to you before he does.”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me of that brute.”

The bard looked up at the sun to view the time and decided to pick up the full satchel he had been carrying with him.

“Well, if that’s it I need to be somewhere else right now. See you Asterix.” He waved goodbye as he looked all around the corner to spot a potential Obelix before proceeding quietly once the coast was clear.

“Stay sharp Cacofnoix!” Asterix hollered out.

The bard just quickly glanced back in annoyed disbelief at the shouting and quickly paced away while the smaller gaul laughed at him. After wiping away a tear of laughter he composed himself and darted off in another direction with a goal in mind.

“Now to do my part.”

——————————————————————————————————

*Sigh*

“There he goes again.”

The druid stopped looking through his window and let down his spyglass. Exhausted from all the watching he sat himself down and began to pet Dogmatix who jumped onto his lap.

“Your parents are being idiotic with each other again.”

Bark

“Me too. Me too.”

Getafix was very aware of the current situation in the village.

He unfortunately always was since any delusion or mass hysteria they suffered ended up becoming his problem too. Only this occasion it was the running around and avoidance he noticed between Asterix and Obelix, he thought this problem was resolved who knows how many times by now but he should have known better than to underestimate how emotional younger minds can be.

From his spot he’s seen for a couple of days now Obelix dodge Asterix’s view all day long by moving around like a scared bug just to end up ironically sleeping on their shared rooftop of all places at night. Rolling off at sunrise so no one would be the wiser of his sleeping spot.

He knew there was quite the shake up recently with their new guest but it spiraled out to the point that now Cacofonix of all people was somehow involved in their drama. At least that’s what he suspected from how he had seen Obelix looking at the poor boy like an angry bear.

“I’ve tried my best to set those boys heads straight but they’re too stubborn for their own good!” He said with an clenched hand in the air.

Bark Bark

“Well said. They’ll figure it out eventually like they always do.”

“…”

“Want a treat?”

BARK BARK BARK

He got up and made his way to a jar filled with boar bones to give the only good boy left a reward. Soon enough this whole mishap will just be another footnote in the many stories they had to tell. Those two couldn’t keep this up forever.

“What concerns me more is you.” He said while pointing a finger gun at his cauldron.

Taking off the lid, he could still see a small puddle of magic potion still inside. It had been there for quite some time now.

This dry spell of Roman attacks had begun to worry him. Cesar would never give up on conquering all of Gaul nor would he stop sending his nearby armed forces to their indomitable village in their vain hopes of defeating them. Useless as it may be.

But the lack of effort on their enemy’s part had left him not needing to prepare magic potion in quite a while. Everyone was still inside the village and Asterix fortunately hadn’t wasted his own reserves to catch Obelix during their marathons.

Why haven’t they come? He pondered.

“They should have all recovered from the last bashing by now. And I don’t recall any roman holidays this time of year that stop a tyrant from invading land.”

He wouldn’t call himself the druid of this village if he didn’t have a bit of paranoia when facing sudden tranquility.

Perfect peace while possible and something that existed before the rise of Cesar was a nice thought. He knew better however that something was brewing. Maybe not here or even nearby but somewhere that would make its way to them all in due time.

BARK BARK

At his feet was Dogmatix holding his Golden Sickle by the handle with his mouth. Energetically wagging his tail at him with a look that expressed a need to go outside.

“Oh you. Of course.”

Moving around his house he grabbed a empty satchel and hooked the slightly drooled sickle onto his side.

“Might as well get some extra Mistletoe now before the weather makes it harder on this old body to do.”

Climbing trees covered in snow while possible, was a slippery task that increased the risk of spinal injury. Not to mention the heavier weight he had with his winter clothing.

So, into the forest he went with Dogmatix trotting beside him. His Roman worries could stay away for a while longer.

——————————————————————————————————

Night had settled in.

It was time for all the villagers to close shop, put their animals inside the right pens and get some well-deserved sleep. The only reason to stay up at this hour would just be to grab a drink at the only “bar” in the village.

It wasn’t a proper bar, they had tried that before and the mess they made with their trigger-happy fights had left it ruined on opening night and the owner crying.

But learning from past mistakes another gaul of the village named Justnodix had instead opened up his own beer stand.

No tables, no chairs, just a stand where gauls would buy a drink then leave once it was gone.

Nothing to break and too short of a time window to start fights.

Villagers had loved making it a habit of coming for a single mug when going home, making it quite profitable even if not many came by during the later hours.

The few that did come at later hours were usually sob fests or ramblers.

Like Fulliautomatix who was many drinks in and past the usual leave time.

“It’s like- *hick!* I tell her I feel like getting a drink because all this work today is stressing me out and she- she starts acting like I did something wrong! Asking me if it’s true and where else do I plan on going.” He said while slurring a few of his words.

Justnodix nodded away as he cleaned another dirty glass of his.

“I don’t know! HOME! Where else would I go!? *hick!* She’s been all prickly with me lately and I don’t know what to say to calm her down.” His mug was swinging around, spilling drops on himself with each gesture his hand made.

The bartender nodded back at him.

“You get it! Is it- Is it much for a man to ask his wife for a bit a personal time once in a while? I don’t usually do it! Not like I’ve been gone that long.”

Justnodix looked up at him and pointed to sign next to him that depicted time using the moon for reference. Noting how it was time to close shop and that Fulliautomatix had indeed stayed way longer than he should have.

“Ah shit. Sorry Justnodix, didn’t mean to make you stay past closing. I should be getting back to my wife, have a good night pal.” Downing the last bit left in his mug the smith wiped away at his lips and stumbled his way back home.

He was capable of keeping himself upright but his legs felt lighter than usual despite the heaviness of his feet and a few of his steps had been dragging on the dirt.

He was buzzed, not wasted. But close to it.

The village was quiet at such a late hour.

The only noise he could hear was the gravel under his feet scraping against his shoes with each step he took. His mind was wandering in all directions, never quite focusing on a single thing.

All he wanted was to get into his bed and make up with his wife as soon as he could, not to mention find a way to make sure his headache didn’t come back.

That fuckin headache.

The way back home feels long in his intoxicated state. The perceived longevity calming enough for him to think things over in his head.

“Why IS she so mad at me?” He mumbled to no one.

“It’s not our anniversary or some birthday I forgot.”

Those were occasions he always recalled to not forget as to not invoke his wife’s wrath or make her feel less.

“Been making some good sales lately.”

Even with his headache problem these past few days he still managed to work just fine and sort of swindle a guy into making an expensive purchase. Something he knew she would approve of.

“Haven’t broke anything have I?”

Not many things they owned were just hers other than the dishes. And the last time he dropped a plate was punishing enough for him to never do it again.

Nothing came up in his memories about how he wronged her. Just kept knocking at his own head to sober up and force himself to recall anything that could give him a clue. And it eventually did.

In just chunks the faint memory of his wife scolding him, everyone dancing, a fire pit, all he was conscious enough for came back to him.

“Is it the banquet?” He asked the dark sky.

“Don’t tell me she’s still mad at me for that.”

He groaned at the realization as his head fell into his hands. It would explain her attitude and he would be at fault for getting wasted instead of taking his wife to dance.

He would like to fix this right away but he wasn’t the chief of the village so he couldn’t decide when the next banquet would be. All he could do now was ask her to forgive him and promise to follow through on the next occasion they had a banquet.

To think this entire time that was her problem, one that could have been fixed sooner had he not been dealing with his stupid headache! Looking back on it all, the only reason he even drank himself to death that night was because-

“To be an Armorica Gaul ~♪”

That noise felt like a drop of rain on his head.

Taking his face out of his palms, he looked around the dark empty streets to see that he wasn’t anywhere near his house. He had drunkenly gone the wrong way, distracted by his ruminating thoughts. But now he was distracted by something alive, real and humming.

It had that damn voice he had grown so used to knowing by heart. And his blonde figure had just popped out of a corner. Happily humming a tune with a smile down the street in the middle of the god damn night.

The smith just stared at him in silence, feeling like this was a fever dream.

But he was reminded of it being very much real when the bard had opened his eyes to notice him too and froze like a startled boar in front of him.

Neither of them said a word.

Fulliautomatix just stared down at him in contemplation of him even being there to begin with while Cacofonix looked back up in wait for the bigger man to say or do anything at all.

When nothing came after a full minute the bard loosened up his posture and made the first move.

“Hello there.”

“Hey.”

Riveting conversation it was.

“Why are you out at this hour?” The smith asked, just now processing the time of day, well night, once again.

“Oh well, I’ve had… interruptions in my schedule lately. So, I moved them to night instead when I’m… free to continue. Been doing it for a couple of days now.”

What exactly that meant, the smith had no idea.

“I’m guessing from the foam still on your mustache you’re coming back from Justnodix’s place.” The bard pointed out.

Moving his arm up to his mouth he realized it was indeed true he still had beer foam on his face.

Then Fulliautomatix noticed the little detail of Cacofonix paying attention to his lips of all things. He felt embarrassed from getting caught off guard by him of all people, defensive of his life choices, but mostly peeved at the bard reading him this easily.

The lip part absolutely did not bother him that much.

“So, what if I did? What’s it matter to you?” He growled back.

“Nothing. Nothing. Just an observation.” The bard retorted while holding his hands up in defense.

“Well maybe observe less.”

*Sigh*

“Okay, I’m tired right now and I’m not in the mood to argue with you at this hour. Goodnight Fulliautomatix.”

The bard had stepped to the side while he lazily waved his hand to the side as a gesture of farewell. But he didn’t even take three steps past the man until he was pulled back hard by his collar.

“ACK! What is wrong with you!”

“You.”

Fulliautomatix held him in place with his grip on the gauls clothes as he angrily turned around to stare at him.

“What do you want now you brute.” He annoyingly answered while caressing his own neck.

“I remember it now. It was because of you.” He emphasized with a finger pushed into his chest.

“Care to be more cryptic? I’m sure I’ll understand it then.”

“I got wasted at the last banquet and its all your fault because your annoying ego was filling my ear up the entire night to the point of blackout!”

“THAT’S WHAT-

He quickly rubbed his face in disbelief and looked back at him properly. “I didn’t even talk to you most of that night!”

“I sat right next to you idiot. Not that hard to hear your ramblings when I’m a seat away.”

“What are you even mad at me about? I never asked you to drink away your problems.”

“Listen here Kraken singer, my wife’s all pissy at me now because your annoying voice made me drink my head pains away instead of dancing with her that night!”

“My voice is mine to use whenever I please Metal Head! Maybe you should have sat with your wife instead of lurking over me that night like a wild animal.” He said as he leaned forward in confrontation.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have made a little show like you always do. Then my life would be a lot simpler right now.” He had also leaned closer in rage to the point their noses almost touched.

“Don’t blame me for your inadequacies.” He remarked before backing away.

Cacofonix moved his hand to pull Fulliautomatix off of him but the man just glared at him with a look that expressed no intent of letting him leave. Now properly mad enough to argue the bard did the only logical next step.

“This is your fault.”

With a kick to the smiths shins he fell down while dragging the bard onto the ground with him by the cape. The two tussled on the floor while rolling around in dirt. Not punching each other but opting for smaller brutish tactics like gripping shoulders, pulling ears, shaking necks and general pushing against any solid surface they felt.

“I’m fuckin sick of seeing you all the time.” Fulliautomatix barked.

“Well, I’ve been fucking tired of your gaze for years now too.” Cacofonix bit back.

Shaking him around made the bards hair loosen, looking more haggard the more they rolled. His current inebriated state had made fending off against the slender man a bigger task then it usually was.

*Grunt*
*Grunt*

“Always prancing around with that cocky attitude of yours.” The smith started to ramble.

Grabbing him by the apron the bard shoved him onto his side which gave him some moderate scraping on his elbow and upper left arm.

*Grunt*
*Grunt*

“Tucking your hair behind your ear all day because you think you’re the best looking out of all of us.”

Grabbing him by the leg he tossed the bard over him just to get entangled once again. Always finding a piece of his red cape to grab onto.

*Grunt*
*Grunt*

“Singing out those ear breaking noises you make up in your little hut no matter how many times I bash you over the head for it.”

The bard pushed his face into the dirt, no doubt making his bottom lip bleed against the small rocks from what he could taste.

*Grunt*
*Grunt*

“Making me stay on the lookout for you so we don’t get a sudden thunderstorm because you felt inspired that day. Not mention the headache your outfit gives me.”

The two stopped in place.

Fulliautomatix had pinned Cacofonix down on the ground by holding his hands together by the wrist above his head. Trapping one of the bard’s legs in between his own two as to stop him from moving over to the side or letting him kick hard enough to release the grip.

Staring at each other with angered expressions they panted out in exhaustion without words exchanged between them.

Looking at the bard underneath him, he could see his face clearly under the moonlight. Dirt barely smudging parts of his angry face while his hair had become disheveled like he had just gotten out of bed. Even after a quick tussle the bard still somehow managed to look so pristine in comparison to him.

The memory of the conversation Fulliautomatix had with Obelix a few days ago resurfaced.

He didn’t need to be here, neither did Cacofonix.

In fact, he had tried to leave.

But it was Fulliautomatix who had forced him to stay.

He had sought him out.

He was the-

Damn it.

He let go of one of the bards’ arms to pound the ground next to his face in anguish.

By Toutatis Obelix had been fucking right.

And here he was proving it.

“By the gods, why do I act like I’m obsessed with you?” He whispered.

The question had surprised Cacofonix.

He had found many ways before how to describe their relationship to himself and others but this? This was new. And it came from the smith’s mouth of all places.

They hovered near each other. The warmth of Fulliautomatix’s legs burning into the skin of the bard even through his clothing. His body started feeling less like being trapped and closer to an embrace yet to happen.

Fulliautomatix looked down at the bards’ rosy lips.

Annoying was the first thing he thought about them.

Making a bunch of irritating noises, giving the gaul under him the ability to sing, he felt like shutting them up with his own. Pressing them together with a force that would make no noise escape under his watch.

Maybe it was the lingering liquor, the exhaustion or his own tunnel vision making him come to these conclusions but the smith’s breath became heavier the deeper he went with this train of thought. The heat in his face rose as he felt the other man’s breath brush against his chin.

In an impossible reality he closed his eyes and slightly dipped his head further down expecting to feel soft flesh just to be stopped halfway through by a hand.

Cacofonix’s slender hand pressed against his mouth. Opening his eyes he could see the shocked look of the gaul under him.

“No.”

What?

Did he just try to?

Oh god.

“You have a family.” The bard stated, as if he had forgotten that fact.

How could he ever he try something intimate like what he almost did with another gaul, another MAN when he has a loving wife and a teen son back home waiting for him?

He isn’t a two timer or a cheating sack of waste that needed to be intoxicated to pull something like that. Only a coward would try to do that.

An emotionally challenged coward.

“And I’m not doing that like- like-

This? Covered in dirt with a drunk married man bleeding from his lip? Wouldn’t blame him.

But even worse was the feeling of slight disappointment he had inside his chest. Had he been actually hoping for the bard to let him close the gap?

What does that mean for him to have wanted that?

“Fuck Fulliautomatix.” The bard covered his eyes with his free arm. “Just- Just please get off me.” He uttered softly.

He wasn’t one to really pay attention to the man’s feelings on a daily basis but in this small moment between the two, he could hear clear as day the pain in the other gauls voice. He had hurt him in a way he didn’t even know how. Inadvertently hurting each other with his careless actions this night.

Slowly Fulliautomatix leans back on his knees and stays still as he watches Cacofonix sit up and crawl out from under him. Standing up while dusting himself off.

The smith just staring at him without knowing what to say or do with himself. What was he supposed to say in a situation like this?

As if in realization the bard looks back at him, for once taller than him and extends a hand in his direction.

“Grab my hand.”

There is no emotion or sass in his tone anymore.

When he grabs the man’s softer hand, he’s lifted off the ground and helped stand upright. Of course, after all the bullshit he put the man through just now he still has the kindness to help his drunkard ass out.

“You live that way.” Cacofonix pointed out with a finger to an empty road.

Unceremoniously the bard walked away in silence.

Not another word said.

He wanted to apologize to him, threaten him how this never happened, so many things to explain it wasn’t what he was thinking but his mouth stayed shut until not a single blonde hair was in sight.

“Cacofonix.” Was all he could muster to say after he left.

Walking home he doesn’t say or think of anything else even if he’s not as buzzed anymore.

Facing the ground as the realization of his actions started to take an effect on him.

He messed up bad.

Unbelievably so.

Why did I try that?

Out of nowhere his steps stopped when his head hit solid wood. Looking up he stared at his front door. As quiet as he could he opened it and went inside, unaware of what exact time it even was anymore.

He makes his way over to his room just to be stopped by the view of his wife sitting at the kitchen table reading a book with dimly lit candle next to her. Fully changed into her nightgown but still clearly waiting for him to arrive.

“You’ve been busy.” She stated as she looked him up and down.

All of his unkept attire and messed up hair on full display.

“Where were you?” She asked while closing her book.

In his gut Fulliautomatix felt like he wouldn’t be sleeping in his marital bed tonight.

——————————————————————————————————

On the other side of the village everyone had fallen asleep.

Obelix being the exception to this rule as he had lately started going to bed later than most in order to make it home after Asterix and Dogmatix had fallen asleep.

It was quite an annoying routine to keep up. Eating up the room temperature food they had in stock and leftover boar, changing into his pajamas then climbing the roof to sleep on it without falling off.

A bit colder than he'd like he’d would admit but he could withstand it.

This night however, when Obelix began to climb their roof as usual he noticed that his blankets were gone!

Had Asterix found out about his secret spot after so long?

Paying more attention to the sole pillow remaining on top he saw footprints of his favorite dog plastered all over it with mud.

“Aww, Dogmatix must have missed sleeping with me and took my blankets to remind himself of my scent.”

At least his secret spot was still secret to everyone else.

Crawling back down onto the ground Obelix made his way slowly back inside to recover his sheets. Tip toeing his way up the stairs that creaked easily under the size of someone like him.

Popping his head from the stair case he did see that his blankets were indeed on his bed, crumpled up together into a messy pile that Dogmatix slept next to.

I should try to find a way to have him sleep with me on the roof. He thought.

Looking to his left he saw Asterix’s shape under the covers facing the wall. Deep asleep by now for sure. His blonde locks motionless as he dreamed away.

Good.

That meant Obelix can just quickly grab his blankets and leave without waking up either of them in the process.

With a few more steps he finally landed on the second floor. Smoothly moving over to his bed, he cautiously reached out to grab his belongings.

“Here we go.” He whispered.

As he picked up the bundle of blankets towards himself, they suddenly thrashed about from inside.

“NOW!”

BARK BARK

“What!?”

Out of nowhere his own covers were tossed over him, blinding him as whatever was inside them hit the floor with a thud followed by what sounded like the lighting of a flame. Leaving Obelix completely disoriented about his surroundings.

“What’s going on!? Asterix wake up! We’re being ambushed!” Obelix shouted out from under the fabric as he chaotically thrashed around under it to no avail.

“You idiot. I’m ambushing YOU!”

The blankets once trapping him in a endless fabric reality were pulled off his head with a swift tug from an unknown force that was promptly revealed to be his best friend once his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the candle.

“Asterix!? But you’re-

Turning around he could still see Asterix sleeping away in bed despite the presence of the grumpy one standing next to him proving the opposite. Picking up the one in bed out of confusion made Obelix able to see the finer details of the other Asterix in the candlelight.

Such as a wooden head and torso, hay hair stuck on top and a dopey smile plastered on the face. All very obvious non human traits obscured by shadows of a dark room.

“A fake Asterix?” He asked while moving its head around in his hands.

“A special request for the occasion made by an 'artist' I know.”

This had been a set up. Looking around frantically he saw he had nowhere to run to without tripping over himself. Dogmatix sat firmly, guarding the staircase back down and Asterix stopped the idea of jumping over the staircase railing by cornering him next to the window. One still too small for him to leave through anyways without breaking a wall.

“B-but how did you know I’d come inside tonight?”

BARK

Dogmatix stared defiantly at his owner as he raised his dirty paw and marked the side of his bed with fresh mud.

*GASP*

“Dogmatix! How could you!” Obelix dramatically said while clenching his heart.

Bark.

“Nowhere to run this time Obelix. Time to fess up.” Asterix said with his arms crossed.

Panic rose in the giant as he had to make a response on the spot with no free time to think it over. His worst nightmare.

Beads of sweat poured down the sides of his face as his skin went cold and his pupils shrunk.

And then the giant begun twirling his hands together behind his back while calmingly looking up at the ceiling with his nose pointed all the way up. Denying to the world anything abnormal was going on or had ever happened.

“Why would I need to fess up? Everything been good with me lately.”

Asterix’s gaze only got sharper.

“We’re not doing this. You know exactly why I had to TRAP you just to talk.”

“Things are looking all sunny with me. Why don’t we talk about you for once? Any good news to share?”

He cheerfully monologued while now observing the wooden beams in all its glorious carving.

“MR OBELIX.”

“Find any good romans around the forest lately? Lovely season to bash them I hear.”

He was now counting each individual piece of straw their interior roof held.

“TELL ME. WHY YOU. RAN FROM ME.” He gritted out.

“You know Asterix, it’s quite the late hour and every gaul needs their beauty sleep so why don’t we just- “

In a quick motion Asterix had jumped up onto Obelix’s chest while holding onto his pigtails as support while also pushing Obelix to lean back against their nightstand from the force. Now staring at the man dead in the eyes from above since he seemed to like the roofing so much apparently.

“This has to do with Cacofonix doesn’t it?” Asterix muttered as a matter of fact.

The giant’s eyes and overall demeanor became slightly duller after hearing that name despite his acting trying to convince the other gaul otherwise that he wasn’t affected by it in the slightest.

“No. What does he have to do with this?” He said while looking to the side.

The smaller gaul just quietly stared in his eyes, looking at something inside of them the other man wasn’t aware of apparently.

“I knew it.”

Huh?

“Knew what?”

“You’re jealous.”

Obelix’s eyes widened as he stuttered out in disbelief.

“Wh-what? ME? Jealous of what!?”

“At first I didn’t understand what you were asking me that night of the banquet, you know?”

The giant had gone quiet and let his friend ramble on.

“You were acting so strange and avoiding me afterwards, I thought I had done or said something wrong. Even considered it having something to do with you preferring to spend your time with Florapeta than me at one point but then the market happened.”

The grip on the pigtails had loosened up a bit.

“Was left questioning a lot after that. Thankfully Cacofonix clued me in on what you’ve clearly been up to, lurking all around the village just out my sight to watch over him like a hungry owl.”

In fairness Obelix wasn’t known for his subtle presence.

“You’re jealous I’m friends with him and you aren’t the only person I hang out with anymore.”

“…”

“It started out at the banquet and you didn’t want to say a single word to me because you knew, YOU KNEW I’d figure it out just by looking at you and that when I did… you’d have to admit to yourself that you don’t like me wanting to hang out with anyone too much who isn’t you.”

Asterix let out short chuckle.

“Rather see me alone than laughing with another person.”

Asterix’s face became gloomy as he tilted his head down. Covering his eyes in shadow.

“And honestly Obelix, it feels a bit shitty to know that.”

The two friends stayed silent.

The words said were truthful in a sense to both of them. For such an odd situation they were having this was an equally odd conclusion that came not from bias of the smaller gaul but from a truth he has realized only in recent times when they stayed apart.

Obelix always did like to wonder off with others and then come back to Asterix shortly after. Asterix never really did the same, it would hurt him too much inside to do. He could spend time with others and has done so before but it was never a habit, Obelix was always his habit since birth.

Having to always be the constant force of reason to control his friends free spirited nature.

As Asterix dwelled on his words a large hand suddenly grabbed him by the side of his torso with a strong grip.

“Look here, MR ASTERIX.”

Obelix straightened himself out as he stood up and slowly leaned forward until their noses were smushed up against each other.

“Maybe you’re right. I’m just a dumb gaul who needs to be explained my own feelings!” He hysterically said.

“Why let Obelix explain himself? He always needs Asterix to speak for him!”

Locking eyes Asterix could see the sheer determination his friend currently had.

“You’re absolutely right I’m jealous!!!” He shouted out at the top of his lungs at Asterix who’s facial hair swayed from the wind force.

“I’m jealous that my best friend in this whole entire village becomes friends with someone else for just a few days and suddenly has a deeper bond with them than the man that has slept next to him for YEARS!!!”

Asterix couldn’t speak.

Not often was it that his friend ever said such coherent thoughts out loud, much less yell them at him point blank.

“You think I don’t notice how with him you’re so much happier! How you let loose, do things you’d make fun of me for even suggesting, try new stuff and that’s just with the bard!”

“What happens when you go on to make more meaningful friendships? When I get to see with each and every single one of them how you treat our own friendship like a chore in comparison.”

It would be a lie to say that he didn’t recall multiple times when he had to be the caretaker of the two when Obelix got up to his antics on adventures or even just while in the village.

“I’m only mad at Cacofonix because when I see him all I can think about is what he gives you that I can’t. Maybe it’s because he’s smarter than me or can play a fancy instrument, I don’t know.”

“There are so many things you probably don’t trust or confide in me with and I won’t ever get to know about them until I see you sharing it with others instead of me.”

The giant had started to heave from letting out all his feelings into the open. He even looked like he was about to cry as he said his next piece.

“I know I’m not the smartest gaul Asterix but you should stop to think about how I feel sometimes.”

Asterix was in disbelief, mouth fully agape.

Each sentence vibrated through his entire being, echoing off his bones in a repeating loop. Almost as if trying to convince himself they were real.

He ducked his head down once again while holding onto Obelix’s shoulders with an iron grip.

“I- I-

The smaller man had begun shaking.

His breath had gone ragged from what Obelix could hear.

“Asterix…”

He was starting to worry he hurt his friends feelings more than he intended to, anxious as he couldn’t see his expression.

Out of concern Obelix moved his free hand forward to lift his friend’s chin up and comfort him.

“Listen I-

Just as his hand was about to touch Asterix’s chin the smaller gaul stopped shaking, pausing Obelix’s movement.

And then he sent Obelix an uppercut to the chin.

BARK! BARK! BARK!

Dogmatix barked out in distress as Obelix fell backwards onto the floor from the sudden blow, letting go of Asterix in the process.

Getting back up he rubbed his chin to feel it hurting. Asterix had actually given him a hit with enough strength to hurt him INTENTIONALLY.

“What was that for Asterix!”

The other man still looked down, reading himself for a brawl right then and there given his combat ready stance. Both arms holding tightly closed fists.

“How you feel? How YOU FEEL?”

Finally looking up Asterix showed that he was crying.

“ALL I EVER DONE MY ENTIRE LIFE IS CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL!!!”

The two began to tussle with fists and all. Punches, kicks and elbow jabs flying around. No holding back either since Asterix was one of the few who could actually take hits from Obelix.

“I’m the one who makes sure you don’t starve at night! Or did you think our pantry restocks itself!?” He shouted out as he fist hit Obelix’s right temple.

“I can cook boar by myself just fine!” He responded while throwing Asterix towards the railing.

Dashing forward and spinning them around Asterix used the momentum to push his feet against Obelix’s gut to push him over the staircase railing, resulting in a loud thud upon his landing.

“Making sure you don’t get down on yourself from any time you freeze up or someone insults your character because you can’t take any negative comments.” Jumping off the second floor he dived right onto the giants stomach with his shoes.

BARK BARK BARK

Dogmatix barked at them from the stairs as he knew any efforts to stop them by tugging at clothes were now out of his league given their strength.

“Maybe if you let me defend myself more often it wouldn’t hurt my feelings that bad!”

Sick of being the one with the most hits Obelix sent a hit to Asterix’s face which landed the gaul against the wall from the force. Only spitting a bit of blood from his mouth to the side from the damage while he got up.

“Having to be the one who always has to console you whenever one of your passing romances goes wrong as usual. Cause you can’t ever realize it’s always one sided despite every girl ending up with someone else.”

That one really dug deep into Obelix’s skin.

“Not my fault you’ve never been in love to understand.” He angrily retorted as he got up with bruises.

Asterix froze in place.

In his mind he was laughing hysterically at that sentence.

What irony it was that Obelix, dear red headed giant Obelix would be the one to shove the topic of a lackluster love life in his face.

The most hopeless romantic in all of Armorica lecturing the most emotionally suppressed gaul in the world about the one emotion he knew too well.

He was sick of it.

Sick of THIS.

Obelix might have had more crushes in his life than you can count on both hands but Asterix had only the single one he fostered for decades at this point.

Feeling out all the details and intricacies that came it. The inner turmoil he had when he first realized he developed an attraction, the suffering, restlessness and pain that followed when pondering how he could go on like this without confessing.

He wanted to say it out loud for so long but he never did because it wasn't just the risk of losing a friend that stopped him.

To him he was risking his life doing that.

After a long time he came to a grim compromise with himself.

If he could never have his friend like THAT, he would enjoy what he could have; Those warm hugs after getting split apart, hearty meals together like a little family, that funny smile his friend always had when seeing him and the nights spent in the same room of their home.

Even if it slowly ate him from the inside every time Obelix found a new woman to woo, he’d endure it.

Because that’s what best friends do:
Support the others choices.

But as it was right now…

Nobody else in the world had the right to talk about Asterix not feeling love.

*Sniffle*

He had stopped crying.

Likely because he had nothing left to cry about.

“Get out.” He whispered as he wiped away at his teary eyes with his palms.

“What?”

“Get out of MY house and go live at yours!” He shouted out as the giant’s eyes widened at the request.

“What are you talking about? Are you actually saying-

Asterix said nothing, just pointed at the door while he waited for him to leave. He really did mean what he said.

“You actually…”

This came as a gut wrenching shock to Obelix. He wasn’t just saying he couldn’t stay the night, he was saying he couldn’t LIVE there anymore.

The home they shared together for years was now off limits to him.

He felt his throat close up as the realization of how much he messed up hit him.

“Okay…” He gave a small nod as he stared emptily at the door. “Okay then.”

Going back up the stairs he grabbed up all his belongings and put them on top of his blankets which he then tied up together to make a travel sack. Not that he and Asterix even had that many personal items to begin with.

Making his way to the bathroom he saw the one item left to grab. His razor.

The red razor sitting in a little cup next to its yellow partner.

Painfully he took it out, leaving the other on its own.

Nothing was left of him there anymore. Not a sock, brush or helmet.

Most of the contents in the house was already owned by Asterix prior. And so now it would all be his again.

Going down the steps at a slow pace he saw the man leaning next to the now open front door. Moonlight coming inside. Dogmatix sat at the other side of the door whimpering at the atmosphere of the situation.

The floorboards creaked with each step he took down, his sack jostling its items inside around the more he moved until he took the last step.

He had made his way to the entrance, depressed at his current reality.

He turned his head to the right to look at Asterix one more time. Just to see if there was even a sliver of a chance to fix things, for him to take back his words, to give Obelix another chance, to have anything happen that would stop him from leaving out that door.

But Asterix wasn’t even facing in his direction anymore.

Purposefully looking away.

Neither wanted to say goodbye but for very different reasons.

He opened his mouth to speak but promptly closed it in defeat.

Following the wishes of his friend Obelix solemnly left the house while closing the door behind him. An audible click heard when it shut.

Dogmatix started howling softly at the door with one of his owners leaving.

Awooo!!!

Asterix on the other hand stood his ground with his back facing the door, arms crossed in a sense of finality.

Until his doubt and concern began to rapidly run back into his veins. It broke his resolve enough to quickly turn back around and stretch his arm out towards the handle, ready to hug his friend and apologize over sobs like always.

But he stopped.

His hand was on the handle, unmoving.

All he had to do was pull. The lock wasn’t even on.

Instead he did nothing.

He was sad. Exhausted of having to constantly find middle ground with Obelix over and over again to get at a resolution. Tired of having to be the voice of reason, to be the one making sure everything is okay between them.

He wanted to be the one getting rescued in this friendship for once.

Which meant he’d leave it up to Obelix to seek him out instead.

If he ever wanted to talk or patch things up it would be up to Obelix to figure things out.

But not today.

His heart couldn’t take any more beatings today.

On this cold autumn night stood a gaul at both sides of the door holding a door handle. On the verge of making up but not crossing the wooden threshold that impeded them from doing so.

Both of them let go.

Obelix let out a sigh as he made his way around the house to grab his pillow off the roof before walking away into the night by himself.

Asterix meanwhile went back to his bed. Staring at the blank slate of a mattress on the other side of the room while he pushed the fake Asterix off his bed and onto the floor unceremoniously. Changing into his night clothes despite the pain his bones felt.

Once under the covers he blew off the candle and bundled himself up in a fetal position. The iron taste of blood still lurking in his mouth.

Small licks came to the side of cheek as Dogmatix tried to comfort him.

“Thank you Dogmatix, you’re a good dog.” He croaked out.

He would have cried again if he hadn’t wasted all his tears earlier. Instead he let fatigue do its job and fell into an aching deep slumber soon enough.

Now fully sure Asterix was sleeping Dogmatix went downstairs and opened the front door on his hind legs. A helpful trick he recently learned with Getafix. When it opened he ran outside and didn’t come back that night as he ran towards the far end of the village where the back entrance was.

Because not too far from there was Obelix at his original home. Studying the exterior after years. It was all covered in shades of blue and gray given the time.

It wasn’t like it went abandoned.

He frequently used it to store menhirs and never let it get infested or wore down by time or weather but… it hadn’t been a home for so long.

It was his childhood home, his family property and yet he still felt Asterix’s house as his real home, the more logical answer in his mind if someone asked him where his home was.

Opening the front door felt ominous. Everything inside quiet and cold. He didn’t change much of the house interior out of respect for his parents in case they visited. Only swapping the dining room for a menhir storage space.

Moving down the corridor he made it to his old room.

“Just how I remembered it.”

The walls were lined up with shelves that held wooden figurines (including ones Asterix made him as a kid) with wooden chests on the floor partially open that revealed themselves to be filled with old toys.

Dropping his travel sack onto the floor he turned around and flopped onto his old bed. Dust flying off to the sides from the force of impact.

His feet dangled off the side.

He had thought about buying a new bed before but at the time another certain gaul had recently just starting living alone in his own new home too, with an extra bed coincidentally unoccupied and ready for the taking.

Dumping everything from the sack into a corner and grabbing the covers from past and present he made a sloppy arrangement of sheets to sleep under.

He stared at the ceiling for a second time that night.

Everything that occurred flashing before his eyes.

Regret was small word for what he felt.

“What did I do?”

His pillow was starting to feel a little damp, the crying kicking in without notice. He knew what sobbing felt like but he never experienced sadness like this; quiet yet so loud inside.

He felt heavy. He never really thought before about moving his limbs, even less putting effort into using them thanks to the magic potion.

So it was jarring to not feel capable of lifting up his own arm weight.

He could hear a quick scatter moving around inside his house.

Maybe a squirrel or other animal that frequented his home at this hour?

He couldn’t make himself care.

His legs were growing heavy.

Every part of him was sinking.

It was a dreadful spiral.

In the blink of an eye he felt his loyal dog jump onto him eagerly, licking at his face to wipe the streams of tears away.

His raspy tongue grounded him and brought him an overwhelming sense of comfort to see him again. Building up inside with each lick he felt.

“OH DOGMATIX!!!” He hollered out.

In a fast motion Obelix enveloped Dogmatix in a giant hug while sobbing loudly like a mess. Wailing out in incoherent sentences that didn’t even stay on the same train of thought inside the gauls head.

Despite his small stature the dog did his best to comfort his owner by rubbing his fur against him as much as he could. Providing a reminder of a friendly being next to him.

The two remained hugging while they waited for the gaul to stop sniffling. When he did he covered the two in his blankets and used his pet like a stuffed doll to sleep.

At least Dogmatix wasn’t suffocating under the weight or strength of his owner yet.

While not the dog’s preferred method of sleep he let it go for just this night.

He could squirm out later if needed.

Despite the cold the unhabitated home emanated, the gaul and his dog kept each other warm throughout the night on the small bed.

Snoring together into the quiet night.

——————————————————————————————————

When the next day shined the village was expected to follow their routine as usual.

To let the animals out to graze, eat breakfast to have the proper nutrients needed for a full days work and greet the sun for a bright sunny day with clear skies along with a slight chilly breeze that came with the season.

Too bad anyone who was outside was busy gawking at the loading wagon stationed outside Fulliautomatix’s house.

His wife was moving in and out of the house, taking all her belongings and stuffing them in the back while the hired gaul holding onto the horses reigns waited for her to finish packing.

“Are they moving?”
“To where?”
“Why now?”
“What does Fulliautomatix have to say about this?”

The small crowd forming on the sidelines of the road murmured between themselves at the scene. Not everyday someone left the indomitable village for somewhere that was probably already conquered by the Romans instead.

“I can hear you all gossiping behind me you know!” She yelled out to them.

Embarrassed at being caught staring the crowd dispersed with everyone in it trying to act like they were just passing by. Half assed excuses from all of them to justify their reason for being there at the moment.

Resuming her mission she went back inside her house to grab a familiar small box that fit the size of her palm. Crossing the road she knocked at the door of her long time fishy neighbors.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

After a few latches were heard being undone inside she was greeted with Bacteria standing in front of her in her nightwear.

“You’re here already? But it’s not even noon yet dear or have you not noticed the time yet?”

“You’re right, it isn’t. I just wanted to give you this.”

She extended her hand forward to present the gift. Taking it off her hands with care Bacteria carefully lifted the small square lid to see a shiny ring inside.

“Excuse me???” She was flabbergasted.

The ring was such a left field gift that it’s meaning was lost on her. Was it a real gift? Did she want criticism? Did her friend suddenly gain a fortune that made rings look like a poor item in her eyes? By the gods was she trying to propose to a married woman? Flattering but she wasn’t part of that lifestyle.

“This um… ring.” She picked it up between her fingers and examined it. “Why exactly do you want me to have it?”

“It’s my wedding ring.”

“Your WHAT?”

“Turns out your suspicions weren’t that far off from the truth. So thanks for that eye opener, even if it hurt to figure out in the moment.”

Bacteria was losing the plot fast.

“You’ve been a good friend to me all these years Bacteria” She clasped her hands together with hers. “So I thought I might as well give it to you. Make yourself some cash selling that thing.” She calmly said before heading back to her ready to go wagon.

“WAIT- WAIT- Where are you going!?” She asked dashing after her.

“I’m leaving to go live with my brother. Start a new life in a different village dear. Tell the other girls I said bye.”

The short woman got up in the front seat and sat next to the paid courier. Looking forward with dedication and a strong attitude with her arms on her lap like how her mother raised her.

In the back Selfipix sat with the luggage, dangling his feet off the edge of the wagon as he said his parting words to his dad.

“Don’t worry Dad, I’ll make sure to write you some letters from time to time. Might even visit if I can.”

He gave his father some nonchalant pats on the shoulder but the man was completely detached from the world. His eye bags were big, hair unkempt, slumped over, apron barely hanging on. The man looked awful and wasn’t saying anything, just stared at his son in a daze.

“Though honestly I am kind of excited to see what jobs I can get at my uncle’s village. Might even find a job I like more than smith or fishmonger!”

“Let’s get a move on before it turns dusk!” His mother shouted from the front.

With the crack of the whips the horses started to move and pull the wagon with themselves away.

“See you Dad! Take care!” Selfipix shouted as he went away.

Bacteria had her mouth open at the sight. Whipping her head back and forth to look at Fulliautomatix and see what he would do while his family left him behind.

“WELL? Aren’t you going to do something about your wife and son leaving!?”

Turning to face her he looked dead on the outside and inside. He ignored her question and sluggishly went back inside his house, shouting out one last word before slamming the door.

“Divortium!” He croaked out with a cracked voice.

The wooden door vibrated from recoil when it closed.

Oh.

OH.

OH MY.

It now all made sense.

The ring, her ride, what she said before leaving, she had discovered something during her investigation that caused her to officially leave her marriage with Fulliautomatix.

Even if she didn’t know the exact details of what happened or if Fulliautomatix was truthfully the scumbag here she couldn’t help but feel like all of this was her fault for her suggestions that she planted in her friends head about infidelity.

The door to her house swung open and out came a bed head Unhygenix.

“Been hearing a lot of commotion this early in the morning, any idea what’s going on honey?” He asked while cleaning out an ear with his finger.

She stared at the empty road and then back at the box in her hands. Guilt filling her conscious.

“Oooh! That’s quite a shiny ring! Where’d you get it?” He grabbed it to inspect its authenticity and possible value.

“I think I just ruined a marriage.”

——————————————————————————————————

Before leaving she had already planned to make two quick stops in order to leave all this behind her.

This first one was the chief’s home.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

When the door opened Impedimenta and Vitalstatistix stood at the doorway together, still in their night wear.

“What could you possibly want from us this early?” Impedimenta groaned out in frustration of having her morning interrupted.

“Just came by to thank both you and the chief for having me all these years. It was pleasant to have been a part of this indomitable village all things considered.”

The chiefs brow furrowed at the wording.

“What do you mean to have been?” Vitalstatistix questioned.

“Exactly what it sounds like. Thank you two and goodbye.”

It was just meant to be a formal departing so just as quick as it began, it ended. Promptly getting back on her wagon seat and heading to the gate, leaving the couple confused before breakfast.

“It’s going to be one of those days huh?” He said out loud as he saw her leave with her son waving at them from behind.

“I hate those days.” His wife responded.

Just before leaving the village the now ex wife made the man to her left stop next to a well known giant tree that had a home at the top.

Her second and last stop.

Getting off and making her way up all the stairs on the side of bark she politely knocked at the nimble door.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

The sounds of multiple things falling inside were heard, followed by erratic steps and metal clinking. A moment of silence ensued until the door creaked slightly open, revealing only an eye of the bard inside.

“who is it?” He nervously asked.

“It’s me.” She formally answered.

Cacofonix fully pulled the door back in surprise to view her of all people at his front door. Not that insane but considering who she was married to it made sense to lump her up with the smiths mind set of bashing first, talk later.

“Oh it’s you. What do you need from me?”

Concern crept up on him as he recalled the previous night and didn’t know exactly how much she knew about it, if any at all since the other gaul might have been too hammered to remember it.

Thankfully he didn’t have to ponder about it that much when she socked him in the face and sent him flying back into his own home, crashing into his brass instruments.

“FUCK YOU AND YOUR EAR SHATTERING SINGING DAMN DIRTY SIREN!” She angrily screamed at him before wiping her hands off on her dress and making her way back down the spiraled steps.

Now with nothing left to do in her old village she nodded at the courier once more and he whipped the reigns for the last time. Finally leaving all of this behind while her wagon disappeared into the green horizon of the landscape.

She’d survive somehow.

She always did.

Getting back up from the pile of brass the bard groaned out in pain as he rubbed his left eye. It stinged, but not black eye levels of hurt. He’d still have bruising there regardless from the mean hook she gave him.

“I didn’t even sing today yet.” He said out loud with an exasperated sigh.

Made sense that the smiths wife could pummel him just as hard as he could as well.

His mouth ached too. Hopefully she didn’t take a tooth out, that’s hard to replace.

——————————————————————————————————

The day couldn’t seem to get any more chaotic.

Many iconic faces of the village were nowhere to be seen roaming around.

Asterix, Obelix, Dogmatix and Cacofonix stayed inside their homes for a variety of reasons. Meanwhile Fulliautomatix refused to open his door to answer any questions about his ex wife or anything that required him to speak or think.

In the middle of the main road Vitalstatistix, Impedimenta and Getafix discussed the fact one of their own just left on her own accord.

“So she really isn’t coming back?” The chief asked.

“I’m sure of it. The level of effort it takes to pack everything in your home isn’t something you do lightly.” Impedimenta remarked.

“It appears the Fulliautomatix’s marriage might have just concluded it’s course.” The druid said while rubbing his beard in contemplation.

“What has that idiot done now to have his wife leave him?”

“I have my theories but I need to gather some of the finer details before jumping to any conclusions.”

“What are you thinking Getafix?” Vitalstatistix asked.

“I’d like you two to check in Asterix and Obelix for me. They might know something given their usual involvement.”

In reality, he had awoken in the middle of the night to the sounds of shouting and howling coming from the duos residence. He didn’t know what had happened inside when the noise died down but it surely wasn’t anything pleasant and the answer was probably convoluted as Asterix and Obelix always were.

“Meanwhile I’ll go talk to Cacofonix. I’d like to ask him something important regarding the matter as well.” He said while pointing behind him to the infamous tree.

He had witnessed the angry woman climb up the staircase of his tree earlier and worried about what the poor boy had gotten himself tangled up in.

“Shouldn’t we talk to Fulliautomatix first? He’s the one she left after all.” Impedimenta questioned.

“We shouldn’t. Not for now at least. He probably isn’t emotionally ready to discuss it, would just lead us nowhere talking to him.” The druid stated.

“Trust me dear, as a man myself let me tell you he probably is wallowing in his own shame about now. A complete mess of himself, dignity in the dumps.”

For once her husband had some sense to his words.

*Sigh*

“Fine then. Let’s go talk to the bachelor brothers.”

Vitalstatistix smiled at this rare occasion where his wife trusted his thought process.

“Alright. Let’s split up and figure out what’s happening!” He proclaimed out loud with a finger pointed up in the air.

Upon the order the shield bearers holding him up went in separate directions and left the chief suspended mid air on his shield. Promptly falling on it as it clattered on the ground and his stomach took the brunt of the fall.

“NOT YOU IDIOTS! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SPLIT UP WITH ME!”

But neither heard his frustration as they had already dashed away like his wife and the druid. Leaving him to get back up on his own and dust off his shirt.

“They’re lucky I can’t find two other gauls of equal height in this damn village.” He grumbled.

While walking away out of the corner of her eye Impedimenta could see something fast approaching the village gates. Squinting harder she could make out wheels and hooves. More importantly, a dangerous collision waiting to happen.

“Honey get out of the way!” She cried out from the side of the road.

“Get off the road!” Getafix shouted from the other side.

Confused at their pleas he turned his head towards the incoming noise.

From the front gate a large carriage came speeding in at a fast pace. The driver having a flimsy hold of the horses reigns as he too bounced up and down with the transport. It was headed right for the frozen chief for a full on collision impact. Just as everything was about to collide the man planted his feet onto the carriage and pulled hard on the reigns, causing the whole thing and his horses to skid against the dirt path hard until the horses stopped right in front of Vitalstatistix’s nose. Barely avoiding contact.

Even so, he fell backwards and fainted.

“Piggy Wiggy!”

“Vitalstatsix!”

Rushing to his side she fanned his face with her spare towel while Getafix reached into his pockets for a corked vial that he opened and poured a few drops into Vitalstatistix’s mouth, letting him slowly regain consciousness.

He woke up tiredly staring at his wife with eyes facing different directions.

“I think the sky has fallen on my head Pedipi.”

“Nonsense, you just had a scare. Frankly I did too.”

Turning her head sharply at the carriage she could see the man on it also collecting himself from the accident he almost had. Pretty rattled despite being the cause of the problem.

“And just who do you think you are trying to run over my husband over like that!?” She shouted out at him.

He was a short bearded man with dirty blonde hair covered in dirty tarps and quills on his belt. Wearing something made of glass on his face that he looked through.

“I’m so sorry miss! I wasn’t trying to crash into anyone today, my horses went too fast and before I knew it-

“Yeah well keep a better eye next time! You almost just hit the chief of this village!”

That word piqued his interest.

“Chief you say?”

“Yes?” Vitalstatistix responded in the wrong direction.

The man’s eyes beamed bright with excitement at his recognition of the gauls in front of him. Jumping off his seat to greet them all by clasped handshakes.

“It really is you! And you must be Impedimenta correct?”

“Yes, what of it?”

“And that would make you Getafix!” He said while pointing at the druid while adjusting his lenses.

“You got that one correct my dear traveler.”

The man began hyperventilating out of pure joy.

“This is great! THIS IS GREAT! It makes it all so much easier for me to have found you right away.” He said while gripping at his own hair.

As if to calm down his joyful mania Getafix placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Pardon the intrusion on your thought process but it seems we’ve skipped over some important details. What is your name?”

“Hmm?”

The shorter man just looked up at him and blinked multiple times in confusion until he realized what he meant.

“OH, OH, YES! Yes. How rude of me to not even make introductions before anything else.”

Despite his frankly poor quality clothing that seemed to have been sewn with dirt in it, he dusted off the filthier parts of his outfit. And then facing the trio he gave a slight bow with his hands behind his back like a servant.

“Hello everyone, my name is-

“Transcribix?”

Coming out from the side of a house was Florapeta in her usual scavenging attire, surprised to see a familiar face after so long.

“Flora!” He excitedly said as he walked up to her and gave her a strong embrace that she equally returned in strength.

“What are you doing all the way out here? Father must be anxious not having you around putting everything on paper.”

“I know, I know, but it was actually him who sent me here.”

“My cousin sent you here?” The chief said after returning to his normal conscious state.

“Indeed he did. Didn’t trust anyone else with the mission.” He said with his chest puffed out.

“What mission?” Florapeta inquired from behind.

“The one where I bring you back to the village dear!”

Everyone was surprised. The whole of her stay was to think over her choices before going back and now they came right to their front gate to take her back! And from the strained smile of the girls face, she wasn’t too fond of the sudden appearance either.

“That’s…thoughtful of him. Sorry Transcribix, but you can go back to dad and tell him I still haven’t made a decision yet. I know it’s been quite a while but I have yet to decide.”

“Haha! No worries Flora, you don’t have to decide anymore!”

“Wait. What are you talking about?”

“A lot of things have been happening back home since you left. One of those being your father’s thoughts on your marriage changing.”

There’s no way. It can’t really be happening.

She held onto his shoulders with a steady grip. Looking him dead in the eyes as if she wouldn’t be able to stand up properly if he said what she wished he was going to say.

“Really? Is it true?”

“Yes! Why not long ago your betrothed talked with your father one on one and convinced him your unity was something he would be proud of.” He said with a smile.

“Are you serious? He actually met them and talked things out??? One where he actually listened and paid attention???” She started shaking him around through her jitters but he stayed calm and kept explaining.

“Didn’t get to hear the conversation myself but by the end of it your father sent me here to pick you up and get you ready for your marriage!”

She stopped moving.

Her brain short-circuited for a moment before getting back to it when she understood every sentence he said in full.

“It’s real.”

“You aren’t lying to me.”

“This is really happening.”

“I’m getting married.”

“I’M GETTING MARRIED.”

Scooping Transcribix of the ground she hugged him tight and did spins on the ground as she swung him around like a doll.

“BY THE GODS I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!” She enthusiastically shouted out to the sky.

“Wonderful news! Glad to see my cousin has come to his senses to let my niece get married.” Vitalstatistix said with pride while clapping at the news.

“Congrats dear! It’s always lovely to see a woman have her pre marriage ceremony bliss.”

“At least now she can get back to her regular lifestyle than worry over a decision for years without end.” Getafix jokingly remarked at her prolonged stay.

When he was finally put back down Transcribix got back to business after realigning his lenses.

“While I do love these emotional moments, I’d like it if we can leave right now.”

“Now? Now?” Florapeta asked.

“To be sincere I was meant to arrive yesterday but this carriage- He walked up to it and gave it a light pat on the side. “Was stolen by pirates and I had to camp them out until the crack of dawn to get it back.”

“But I thought you didn’t need to cross the ocean to get here?” She questioned.

“I know! Surprised me too to see pirates on land, thought they were bandits but they kept proclaiming that they were specifically land pirates as they robbed me.”

He then grabbed at his tarps and showed them off.

“Even stole my clothes. Took everything but my writing quills because they didn’t see profit in selling feathers.”

“Oh Transcribix I’m sorry you had to go through all that just to get me. I’ll make sure my dad pays for your replacement clothes.”

“It’s okay Florapeta, not like I didn’t expect something like this to happen in my line of work.”

With a cough he resumed his explanation.

“While I don’t have the scroll with instructions on me anymore I clearly remember your father ordering me to tell you that for the ceremony he’d like to bring some people from the this village back with us.”

He turned towards the nearby trio.

“Of course the honorable chief and his lovely wife for being hospitable hosts during your stay, the local druid to help bless the days festivities. And of course any friends you made during your stay you’d like to have visit our village for the occasion.”

Everyone that was present was now cordially invited to the ceremony.

“Did you hear that Vitalstatistix! We get to go out to somewhere new!” Impedimenta cheerfully said as she pulled on his sleeves.

“It’s about time my cousin formally invited us over, this will be a great chance to demonstrate to him what the chief of an indomitable village is capable of!”

“If I recall correctly, the druid in that village is a specialist in harvesting herbs. Perhaps he could help me out with that project…” Getafix mumbled to himself.

“So Flora, anyone else you have in mind you’d like to bring with us?” Transcribix asked her while the rest were making travel plans.

It took her a second to think it over but she had a list ready to go.

“Well there’s this big fella named Obelix who’s been really kind to me since I got here who I’d like to bring. There’s also his dog and his friend Asterix who always go anywhere with him. And also the bard of this village! He played quite lovely one night I was here.”

Transcribix winced at that last invite.

“But we already have a bard at home remember? Plus you know he’d get really pissy if he found out he got replaced with another bard from somewhere else.”

“I know he likes his stage light but I think if the two of them worked together it’d make a wonderful song for my wedding.” She pleaded while making a motion of her hands interlocking together.

*Sigh*

“Well if that’s what the bride wants then two bards it is then.”

“Yes!” She said with a fist bump in the air.

“Alright if that’s it then I say it’s time we pack and leave before sunset threatens to arrive!” He shouted out to everyone.

“WAIT. I have to pack immediately!” Florapeta shouted out before running back to her home.

“Same as always I see.” He chuckled at her childlike dash.

——————————————————————————————————

“You have to.”

“I can’t.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO! Otherwise my conscious will never rest from the regret.” Bacteria pleaded to her husband by tugging at his collar.

“It’s not your fault he’s pathetic and she didn’t want to stick around his ugly mug.”

“Even so, it doesn’t mean I didn’t have any involvement in the process of their separation. I basically planted the seed of doubt that bloomed into a flower of DIVORTIUM!”

He currently held a favor over Fulliautomatix’s head for the banquet blackout. A favor he admittedly hadn’t decided what to use on yet but certainly not for what his wife was asking for, it would basically be using a favor to do a favor to the one who already owed you in the first place!

Word had gone out fast about Florapetas leave along with the wedding. Now Bacteria was trying her best to convince him into taking the smith with him to the event in an attempt to cheer him up, show him life wasn’t over, maybe rebound or just make sure he didn’t kill himself in his house from starvation and solitary confinement.

“I even convinced her to let you two go! All you need to do is accept!”

She had even gone so far as to give him puppy eyes while latching onto him like a jellyfish.

God how that worked.

“FINE! I’ll do it for him this once and never again! If he’s still sulking afterwards that’s not our problem anymore, GOT IT?” He shouted out with a blush on his cheeks.

“Completely. I promise.” Even made it double sure by intertwining their pinkies.

She leaned forward some more and hugged a little bit tighter.

“Do well and I’ll have something for you when you get back.” She whispered into his ear in a seductive tone.

“You don’t mean-

His face had gone red from the implications.

“The fishnets yes.” She said into the crook of his neck while playing with his hair.

He was in awe.

“Fine metal lines and capable of gathering 10% more haul!?”

He felt the small motion of nodding on his shoulder.

“YES!!!” He shouted out with both fists in the air.

“LET’S GO REANIMATE THAT SAD SACK OF MEAT!!!”

After an energetic kiss to his wife’s lips he crossed the road over to the smith’s house and knocked over and over again at the door. After three tries he knew the man inside would probably never open up, so he decided to get creative.

“Bacteria! The crabs!”

Coming from their house with a bucket of dead crabs she put one into his open palm as he then went on to bash it against the door. Chipping away at the wood until the crab cracked it’s shell.

They needed to crack them open anyways.

Why not solve two problems with one crab?

The crab bashing continued until the 5th crab where the door broke a hole, which let him reach his arm in and open the door from inside.

“Thanks hun.”

Walking inside felt like intruding on a forgotten home.

Most of the furniture and décor was missing, all windows were covered up, no candles lit and the only person inside was laying face down on the one carpet left.

The small one the size of his head located at the bathroom entrance.

Had he not known about the depressive episode the man was going through he’d say he was at a murder scene from the rag doll position Fulliautomatix was laying in.

“There you are you reclusive bastard.” Unhygenix said with a smirk.

The smith only replied with a groan muffled by the carpet on his face.

“Yeah, yeah, you lost it all but hey! I have a better idea.”

He walked over and crouched next to his head.

“Why don’t I cash in that favor you owe me and the two of us go on an exciting trip where we get to party, drink and maybe talk to some beautiful women on the way?” Even emphasized the last part with an light elbow nudge to the head.

All he got was another suppressed groan from below.

“C’mon! Live a little! You need to get yourself together and rebuild your life.”

The man below finally lifted his face up at the fisherman with a neutral stare. Eyes red and a mix of... something, staining his face.

“Why do you care how I’m doing?”

“Can’t a man worry about his business rival?”

The smith kept staring. Obviously not buying it.

“Oh come on Fulliautomatix we’re not strangers. I’ve hung around you since our diaper days, checking up on you is a bare minimum all things considered.”

The smith planted his face onto the carpet once more and groaned into it like it caused all his pain.

“Bacteria!”

“Yes?” She asked as she peeked her head into the empty house.

“Help me pack our bags.”

He picked the smiths head up and squished it against his own by the ears. One smiling from ear to ear and the other looking gaunt as ever.

“Cause these pals are having the getaway of a lifetime!”

——————————————————————————————————

The wait was over.

It was time for Florapeta to leave this indomitable village behind and pursue her own future back home. The carriage was loaded with luggage and ready to go. The passengers however were a different story.

Vitalstatistix and Getafix were currently explaining the course of action to take while they were gone to the old chief Copacetix. Now back in charge while the chief attended a wedding.

“This cauldron in the emergency basement should have more than enough magic potion for you and the whole village to use while I’m gone in case any Romans decide to give you trouble.” The druid said as he put the lid back on the magically filled cauldron.

“Heard you loud and clear boss.” He casually responded with a lazy hand salute.

“You might be chief while I’m gone but you better not ruin the village while I’m gone dad.” Vitalstatistix despite his lazy personality was nothing compared to the lax nature of his predecessor.

“Don’t worry about it too much, we’ll never run out of magic potion.” He said while playing with his grey pigtails.

“Fine. One week and nothing more.”

“Yep.”

With an annoyed groan Vitalstatistix took off his chief helmet and gave it to his father to use for the time being. Replacing the familiar metal helmet for the travel version he had made a while back which looked exactly the same except for his initials carved on the inside.

“You ought to stress less son, you already have a gut going on. No need for grey hairs at your age too.”

“There’s a reason why you’re called the previous chief you know!” His son screamed back at him while ascending the stairs of the basement.

“Maybe you should show him some of that serious attitude you had back when you were chief once in a while.” Getafix said.

“Could.”

“But it’s not as funny for me.” He said with a smirk.

Not only did his father gain the title of chief, he also kept the shield bearers that came with it. Meaning this travel would be more tedious on his feet than he’d like. At least he could rely on his two warriors/guards for this trip.

That are sat on opposite ends of the carriage.

It was quite the sight to see.

In the front was Transcribix eagerly holding onto the reins with Asterix sat next to him more stoic and mission focused than ever. His foot impatiently tapping repeatedly against the wood while waiting for the trip to start already.

“You ever visited the mountain range?”

“Sort of.”

On top of the transport was all their packed luggage tied together so tightly it might burst from the pressure the ropes held. Then again, he couldn’t deny his wife’s wishes to take six cases of her own clothes for the occasion.

Inside the transport on one side sat Florapeta nervously squirming around in her seat with a  emotional hurricane stirring inside her while his wife kept trying to calm her down through reassuring words of encouragement.

“I can’t trust myself to believe this is real. Auntie pinch me. Then do it again to be sure.”

“Relax dear, you’re awake and everything will be alright. Just enjoy the ride for now.”

Beside them sat Cacofonix, unusually quiet as he just stared off to the side and plucked at his lyre strings out of habit.

“First time I’ve been requested…” He whispered.

On the other side where he and Getafix would sit were Unhygenix and Fulliautomatix. The latter almost sprawled out on the floor of the carriage like a depressing starfish while the other held him up by the collar.

“You know, I heard a smile improves your mood. Want to try?”

“AAAaaagghhh….”

And at the back of the carriage with his feet hanging off the edge was Obelix twiddling his thumbs in thought while Dogmatix sat at his side.

“He hates me and now we’re going to her wedding. The world hates me.”

Bark Bark

What in the name of the god’s happened to make this bunch of characters go all together on a trip? He doesn’t know. It was apparently Florapetas choices to have them come so he didn’t argue against his nieces interests.

Either way he takes his seat next to Unhygenix while Getafix hands over a magic potion filled gourd over to Asterix before taking his seat inside as well.

“Hope the ride goes smoothly.”

“As smoothly as all our trips usually are for us.”

Looking back at the crew inside Transcribix smiled joyfully at seeing everyone in their place and ready to go.

“Alright. Time to get back to our luscious village known as Hortus!”

The whips cracked and the horses began to take their leave as the remaining villagers staying behind all bid farewell to the group with waves and cheers of a safe voyage.

“Think something big will happen while they’re out?” Geriatrix asked his old chief.

The greying gaul gave it a moment of thought and nothing more.

“Nah. That’ll never happen.”

Notes:

The journey begins! Hopefully the healing also does because oh boy this crew needs it.

*

Author here. This year has not been kind to me in all areas of my life. But this fic always helps distract myself from that turmoil and I appreciate that.

On a brighter note, we'll finally get to see Florapeta's village in the next year! Including that mystery boss person, others you have yet to meet and likely figure out what the Romans have been up to. Not to mention P-P-P- PLOT!

Regardless of how it goes I hope you guys have a Happy Holiday, Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukah, Winter Solstice or whatever you like to celebrate in these freezing times.

Thank you for all the comments, kudos and support you've given this fic. It really helps my motivation stay up to keep on writing gay gauls.

Notes:

The Year is 50 BC. Gaul is entirely occupied by the romans. Well, not entirely... one small village of indomitable Gaul's still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the Roman Legionaries who garrison the fortified camps of Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium. Then decades later in the Year 2025 AC. A writer with too much liberty and freedom on their hands will tell a very unnecessarily long ass story involving said Gaul's who reside in aforementioned indominable village.