Chapter Text
And I clutch my cloth, and I bite my tongue
I’m and aging wolf who has lost the taste for blood
Even anxious pups need the Moon.
It’s been a few deca-phoebs since the war ended and Keith still feels useful. He knows Lance does, too, seeing as he was smiling brightly at the kids they were delivering food and toys to during their recent Blades mission. He’s confident in making the assumption that he knows every one of Lance’s smiles- the way his real ones cause his nose to twitch, or how his fake ones don’t quite reach his ever-expressive eyes. So, he’s sure that his partner is happy with where they are in life when his dark blue eyes meet his from his spot at his side, alight with contentment.
“Can you fill out my report for me? I need to shower, bad.” He did; Lance had been unbalanced by a excitable child who ended up sending him into a mud puddle. He looked silly in his Blades uniform with mud covering his entire bottom half.
Keith bites on his inner cheek to keep from smile too widely while in front of their younger recruits, “Sure. Have fun.” He accepts the peck on his scarred cheek before his partner is walking away, dragging mud into their headquarters.
“Aye-aye sir! Thank you, sir!” His idiot of a boyfriend calls back, teasingly saluting Keith from over his shoulder before facing where he was supposed to be going again.
Looking back at the expectant eyes of the recruits, Keith schools his face into one of a stern teacher, “Do not copy him, he is a horrible influence when it comes to decorum.” He clears his throat, “Now; what did we learn while out on our recent mission?”
An alien that he had forgotten the name of lifts her six-fingered hand, “Do not copy Commander McClain?” Her voice sounds almost like a chirp, but her English is perfectly understandable even with the strange accent.
“You can learn from Commander McClain, he is one of the best members we have- just don’t copy his manners.” He waits expectantly for their nodding heads before continuing, “Now; what did we learn?”
Another member of an alien species he isn’t familiar with- seriously, there are so many species, nobody but maybe Coran could remember all of them- raises one of his four hands and begins to speak when Keith nods, “Don’t let the children shove you into mud?”
Keith covers his smile with his datapad, sending a silent thanks to Shiro for teaching him patience and to Black for teaching him how to be a proper leader, “Sure. Don’t let the children push you around. That’s a good idea- but, I was more thinking along the lines of what we’re here to do. What we stand for, why we do what we do, maybe even an observation of something new to you that can assist you in your efforts to help others in future missions.” If you told Past Keith that he would be saying these words to Blade recruits, he would have laughed you out of the room. Oh, how things change after the dust of war has died and all that was left were relief efforts and the occasional political meeting (that still made Keith die a little inside when they inevitably went over the arranged time limit set beforehand).
“So, what about when Commander McClain helped those children settle their argument over the toy they both wanted?” The same boy said, three eyes wide and searching for Keith’s honest response.
“Very good, conflict resolution is a vital skill to have- especially in times of peace when people are still settling into a life where violence isn’t an answer to their issues anymore.” He continues letting various young aliens state their observations before he sends them to clean up and rest. The planet’s night has set in and he can feel his muscles beginning to ache from all the manual labor they had put in that day- sending his feet towards the ship’s command center, reports already filled for him and Lance pulled up on his datapad and ready to be transferred directly to the ship’s data banks.
After he does that, he’s making a b-line to his and Lance’s room. Nobody tries to speak with him when they see his exhausted frame; younger members even scurrying to the side of the hallway as to not accidentally get in his way and he tries to send them a reassuring look with whatever social energy he has left, unsure if it worked or not because he was already quickening his steps to the room’s door and didn’t get the chance to look at their resulting expressions.
The familiar whoosh is inviting and a relief to his psyche, causing him to take the last few heavy steps into the bedroom before the automatic door is shutting again and he’s finally focusing on his surroundings.
Lance had cleaned up from his muddy fall and was now dressed in his formal Garrison blues, standing in the middle of their room with his handheld already playing the song from so long ago on their bed; the piano and violins transforming their room into that ballroom where everything ended and began for them.
His silly boyfriend saunters up to him, bowing dramatically and offering a hand, “May I have this dance, Commander Kogane?” He lifts his head enough to make eye contact, the faint crowfeet (that he would kill Keith for pointing out, but that Keith himself personally loves to see) making themselves known as he smiles.
His fingers wiggle in a bid to entice an answer and Keith places his datapad down on their desk before accepting it, “It would be an honor, Commander McClain.” Then he’s being lead to the makeshift dance floor, a near-parallel to their first dance and Keith can only accept the warmth blooming in his chest and up his throat, making his eyes sting with happy tears that he blinks away before Lance turns to place their hands in their spots, feet naturally leading them in a dance that they’ve done multiple times since.
“You forgot what day it was, huh?” His love teases, his roaming hand moving down to Keith’s hip, “It’s okay- I knew that this would end up being a hectic day. Good thing your boyfriend is so diligent, huh?” He spins them, his bare feet barely making a sound while Keith’s boots click slightly on the floor.
“I’m sorry, I should have kept up with the calendar when I first realized what phoeb it was.” The shorter man admits, eyes diverting to his partner’s shoulder in shame.
“Hey, I’m okay with it. As I just said; I don’t mind remembering for the both of us.” He gently leads them through another turn, “It just matters if you’re here to celebrate it. I’d rather not miss an anniversary if I can help it.”
Keith smiles at the reassurance, eyes finding their partner and he wraps his arm around Lance’s neck, playing with the longer hair at his neck, “You’re in need of a trim, McClain.”
Lance breathes a laugh, pulling Keith closer, “And miss you playing with the new growth? No way.”
They lapse into silence; Keith obediently playing with his love’s hair and just admiring how far they’ve come after all this time. These past deca-phoebs had been a wild ride; Keith had wished to immediately head back into space, while Lance wished to stay on Earth for longer than the phoebs they had already been there for. The former Red Paladin had an itch that couldn’t be scratched on solid land and he would find himself staring at the night sky longingly. The former Blue Paladin had tried to make the wait better by filling their quintants with romantic dates, family reunions, and finding different volunteer works that they could both join while still staying grounded.
Keith’s eyes kept finding the sky, though, and Lance had ultimately understood that he couldn’t fill such a vast void in his boyfriends life. So, he gave Keith an out. He had offered for Keith to go help reign in the leftover Galra forces, but he had to keep in frequent contact with Lance. He offered to wait. Keith had thought about it, he had turned the thought around and around in his brain, looking under and over and around it until he found why such an idea wasn’t sitting right in his heart.
Shiro had been the one to help in that regard, actually. During one of their brothers-only visits, he had let Keith rant about how he’s been missing space, missing being useful to the Universe as a whole and not just to one planet, how he didn’t know why he can’t just accept Lance’s freely given ticket off of Earth and finally scratch that irritating itch that was only making them both crazy in the long run. His brother had set down his coffee cup, engagement ring making a satisfying tink against the ceramic and grabbing Keith’s wandering attention before he sat back against his sofa, kind eyes so understanding that it nearly brought Keith back to when a much younger Shiro had saved him from the foster system even after getting his car stolen.
“I think you don’t want to go back to space- let me finish-” He waits for Keith’s parted lips to close before he continues, “I think you want to go back to space, but not alone.” He thinks over his next words before continuing, “When Adam begged me to stay and I made the choice to go, it was selfish and unkind of me to choose ignorance over my fiance’s feelings on the matter. When I felt the urge to venture back into space, I had thought it was because I wanted to see the vastness of it all, feel the zero gravity cradling me in a way that could never be replicated on solid ground.” He seems to grow lost in thought before continuing, “But, I had left Adam behind- I had also left you behind- and I was left alone with two people I barely knew in the vastness I had craved, but all I could think about were the people I had left behind.” He makes meaningful eye contact with Keith, then, “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
Keith bites his tongue, thinking on his brother’s words and ignoring the stinging that bites at the back of his eyes, “I think I get it.” His voice is not as steady as he wished it was, so he clears his throat to try again, “I get it. I understand why going to space without Lance would be a horrible idea.” He accepts the comforting hug his brother gives, feeling smaller than he was when he first met him at thirteen.
“Good, I’m proud of you, Keith.” His words draw out the tears that were threatening to fall and he lets his brother hold him until he’d come to terms with his turbulent feelings and cried out the angst that had come from them.
He’d gone to the small apartment he shared with Lance- absolutely drained emotionally and physically- and held his boyfriend close, arms tight around his shoulders as he hid himself in his neck- eyes out of tears to cry, but his body shaking as if he was still shedding some anyways.
Lance had been frantic; asking what happened, why Keith was so sad, if he needed to beat Shiro or Adam up for hurting his feelings somehow, and Keith just kissed him to shut him up. His boyfriend had responded, of course- always willing to kiss him- but, he soon parted for a real answer that Keith gave, “I’m staying on Earth until you’re ready to fly again. I’ll wait for you, and we’ll both return to space, together.”
They had both cried, then, and they also shared a headache the next day from forgetting to re-hydrate after losing so much water the day before. Even while sipping on water in their tiny kitchen, Keith smiled at Lance with red, puffy eyes and Lance smiled back with his own crinkling at the edges.
The image of the young adult from his memories and the man before him overlap and he feels himself tear up again. Peace Time Keith was a crybaby, apparently, and he hides himself in Lance’s broad shoulder as he lets the tears fall while they continue to sway together. Warm hands wrap around his back and gentle fingers trace slow circles down his spine, “What were you thinking about?”
Keith breathes through the tightness in his chest before responding, “Earth. How I would have only ever left it’s surface if you were going with me. How you did, eventually, allow us to leave and continue fighting together and protecting each other.” He lifts his head to look at his love, eyes catching on the small scar still visible through his eyebrow hairs. He had received it taking a blow for Keith. Some desperate Galra soldier they had cornered tried to sneak up on him while still cuffed and went to bash his own bound hands against the half-Galra’s head, but Lance had taken the blow last minute and it left a nasty cut above his eye from a sharp point on the cuffs nicking him. It had pissed Keith off- and still does- but, usually he’ll see it and can only feel reminded of Lance’s care for him, how he would take anything the world tried to attack Keith with and leave the fight with a smile on his face after seeing his boyfriend was safe and sound.
Lance’s face softens, a deep affection relaxing his brows and the corners of his mouth before he smiles, “Aww, Keith, you do love me.” He brings them back to their previous dancing position, twirling Keith before he can reply and bringing his back to his chest, “I love you, too.”
Keith twirls so he’s facing him again, “Not even letting me say it first? That’s cold, McClain.”
Said man raises a questioning brow, clearly unconvinced that that was the response Keith was going to give, “Sure, babe.” He draws him closer, the firm palm moving to his spine being the only warning Keith gets before his sense of gravity is shifted and he feels his braid slip out of his uniform, hearing it slap lightly against the floor.
“If my hair gets dusty, I’m making you clean my hair for me.” He teasingly glares up at his dance partner, tensing his core to better stabilize himself and get a better hold around Lance’s neck.
“Oh no, whatever will I do? Being forced to dote on my lovely partner during our anniversary, what a nightmare!” His smirk and monotone voice is a clear sign that he doesn’t find Keith’s words to be anything other than a promise.
“Fine, if my braid is dusty then I’m saying no when you pull out that ring you have stored away in your pant’s back pocket.” The man flashes his own victorious smirk when Lance’s face transforms into shock and he’s being pulled up from his dip- momentarily made dizzy from the blood rush- and he watches in amusement as Lance immediately pulls the braid around Keith’s shoulder to inspect it for any dust.
“No dust. Now, please let me dip you again so we can pretend you didn’t just spoil the surprise and this can be a lovely story to tell our many adopted children.” Lance begs, blue eyes pleading and then smiling happily when Keith nods.
They dramatically get back into position- Keith putting on a show by lifting a leg- and Lance leaves one hand bracing Keith’s back so he could fish out the ring box he had unsuccessfully hidden in his pocket, “Keith Kogane, light of my life, my heart, the reason I draw breath, the person I waited for as they-”
“Get on with it, Lance.” Keith interrupts; face red with more than just the position he’s being held in.
“Fine! Keith Kogane, will you marry me?” He deftly flips the lid open with one hand and Keith barely glances at the ring before he’s lifting himself up to kiss his now-fiance.
Worth the wait.