Chapter Text
(next day)
I say Vol you say Tron
Sunshine : Time for lunch!!!!!
Sunshine : I uh tried to make the grilled cheese taste better this time
Sunshine : those mushrooms just werent right
Princess : Don’t worry about it, Hunk! We’re all trying to do our best out here :)
Funkylesbian : I want to marry grilled cheese.
Funkylesbian : not this one though, like a real one
Funkylesbian : no offense Hunk
Sunshine : I MISS REAL INGREDIENTS
Sunshine : AGH
Kogayne : Anyone else feel like all we talk about is food?
Funkylesbian : we have nothing else to talk about
Loverboy : ugh. This is so boring
Loverboy : is there anything we can do to like pass the time
Princess : Actually, funny you should bring that up!
Princess : Coran and I were talking and there is a peaceful planet thats part of the alliance nearby that I was thinking we could spend the night at :)!!!!
Princess : I hailed them and they said they said they would be happy to host us for the night!!!!
Sunshine : WE GET TO SLEEP IN REAL BEDS?
Loverboy : OH MY GOD IM
Loverboy : IM SO EXCITED ASDFGLHLD
Kogayne : whats the catch?
Princess : Catch? :)
Kogayne : if we have to like go to a dinner or make a speech I might die
Funkylesbian : Same
Princess : well, we do have to go to a dinner, and I am making a speech…
Princess : ! But, it will be worth it to sleep comfortably, right?
Princess : No more fake “grilled cheese”? :))))
Princess : I thought you would be THRILLED!!! :)))))))
Funkylesbian : Alluras literally gonna kill us if we dont go
Kogayne : I can only wish for the sweet relief of death
Spacedaddy : Keith, we talked about this.
Kogayne : IM KIDDING
Kogayne : QUIT LURKING SHIRO
Spacedaddy : Im too old for this chat I never know whats going on
Spacedaddy : I thought being gay would make me hip enough to understand
Spacedaddy : Im tired of being named spacedaddy but i dont know how to change my name.
Loverboy : pls dont change ur name its the only thing holding this groupchat together
Loverboy : Also thanks allura for scoring us some beds and food!! My back and I need it
“Spacedaddy” has changed name to “Shiro”
Shiro : Thanks Keith!
Loverboy : I think im gonna cry
Funkylesbian : Lance get ur daddy kink out of my christian minecraft server
Loverboy : AJFJAF I DONT HAVE A DADDY KINK IT WAS JUST FUNNY :(
Funkylesbian : I DONT TRUST U AND UR KINKS
Kogayne : wait so on this topic
Kogayne : im still confused
Kogayne : whats a dumbass kink?
Funkylesbian : KEITH I LOVE YOU
Funkylesbian : Lance if u dont tell him im yeeting you out the window
Loverboy : afjllaifeofjei
Loverboy : look theres no such thing as a dumbass kink
Loverboy : Pidge is just rude
Kogayne : i mean, it sounds pretty real to me since you seem to be avoiding it.
Sunshine : Keith dont do this to him hes not ready
Loverboy : …
Kogayne : Just tell me! I’m just
Kogayne : curious
Loverboy : its seriously nothing I jsut made a comment to Hunk and Pidge about this cute guy who said something dumb thats it
Loverboy : and they decided I have a dumb ass kink
Funkylesbian : thats because you do
Kogayne : A cute guy?
Loverboy : um,,,,, yeah
Loverboy : A cute guy.
Kogayne: um uh
Kogayne :... you’re gay?
Loverboy : um
Loverboy : ...
Loverboy : what the fuck.
Funkylesbian :OH MY FCUKING GOD
Funkylesbian : KEITH
Funkylesbian : YOU DISASTER GAY OH MY GOD
Kogayne : ????? whats going on
Loverboy : Keith.
Loverboy : Keith im bi.
Loverboy : YOU DIDNT KNOW IM BI?
Kogayne : NO NO ONE TOLD ME HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
Loverboy : OH MY GOD
Allura : This may be the wrong time to ask, but what is “bi”?
Sunshine : Oh!!! Bi means you like all genders!!!
Sunshine : So yeah Lance likes every gender !
Funkylesbian : im gay
Sunshine : Pidge I-
Sunshine : Yeah? We know
Funkylesbian : i jsut wanted to make sure everyone knows i like girls
Allura : Oh!! We did not have names like this in Altea :) I am also what you call “bi”?
Funkylesbian : oh
Funkylesbian : … nice.
Loverboy : YES BI ICONS!!!!! OH MY GOD ALLURA THATS AWESOME!!!!
Loverboy : wait
Loverboy : so when I caught you and Romelle wrestling was that
Loverboy : was that
Princess : … um
Funkylesbian : WLW ARE WINNING
Sunshine : IM PANSEXUAL
Funkylesbian: I LOVE YOU HUNK
Loverboy : MARRY ME HUNK
Shiro : oh my god
Shiro : gays do travel in packs
Shiro : im so proud of all of you youre gonna make an old queen cry
Kogayne : Shiro youre 26
Shiro : im gonna cry
---
Voltron is just furry propaganda
Loverboy : ok nerds we have a lot to unpack before we land on the alliance planet or whatever
Loverboy : first of all Keith is still trying to figure out my “dumb ass kink” so thanks for that
Loverboy : second of all Allura is bi everyone on this team is queer
Loverboy : and lastly
Loverboy : KEITH DIDNT KNOW I WAS G
Loverboy : GAY
Loverboy : IVE LITERALLY BEEN FLIRTING WITH HIM FOR YEARS ASFGLKJF
Funkylesbian : dumbasses supporting dumbasses
Loverboy : PIDGE THIS IS SERIOUS
Funkylesbian : yeah ik u need to tell keith you’re attracted to his dumbass
Loverboy : haha lol
Loverboy : anyway
Loverboy : Allura and Romelle are going to be such a good power couple oh my god
Funkylesbian : every lesbian couple is a powercouple
Funkylesbian : you know who else would be a power couple
Funkylesbian : u and Keith <3
Loverboy : this is so exciting! I dont know why Keith is so hung up on the dumbass kink though
Funkylesbian : bc he wants to fulfill all ur kinks
Funkylesbian : little did he know hes doing a great job just adding to the list
Loverboy : …
Loverboy : I
Loverboy : god dammit pidge
Loverboy : would you stop.
Funkylesbian : stop what?
Loverboy : with the keith thing
Funkylesbian : but you guys are into each other?
Loverboy : he didnt even know I was gay
Loverboy : he obviously isnt paying attention to me
Funkylesbian : i mean yeah hes really bad at reading people?
Funkylesbian : he just didnt know
Loverboy : He doesnt think about me the way i do him
Loverboy : Quit pushing it, Pidge.
Loverboy : It’s never gonna happen.
Loverboy : He doesn’t like me.
Sunshine : woah Lance buddy
Sunshine : thats not true.
Sunshine : I mean, keith just didnt know. He;s totally into you! How could he not be?
Loverboy : right.
Loverboy : yeah
Loverboy : well im just gonna
Loverboy : take a short nap
Loverboy : talk to you guys later
Sunshine : lance :(
Funkylesbian : fuck
Funkylesbian : i just
Funkylesbian : fuck
Private Message: Keith Kogane
Lance : Hey
Keith : …
Keith : hey
Lance : so like
Lance : you seriously didn’t know?
Keith : idk was I supposed to?
Lance : i mean… yeah
Lance : I thought I made it very obvious I liked boys but
Lance : I mean I guess not
Keith : yeah uh
Keith : sorry
Lance : sorry?
Keith : uh yeah sorry
Keith : for um not knowing
Keith : i mean I probably should have seen it with all the flirting
Lance : Yeah?
Keith : Yeah.
Keith : I mean you were all over Shiro when we all first met haha
Lance :Shiro?
Keith : yes?
Lance : um yeah... all over Shiro
Keith : yeah
Keith : well anyway
Keith : so uh who’s the cute guy?
Lance Cute guy?
Keith : yeah? the one you were talking about with pidge and hunk?
Lance : oh.
Lance : no one.
Keith : um, ok?
Lance : yeah
Lance : It’s just not gonna work out with him.
Keith : that sucks
Keith : where did you meet him?
Lance : nowhere. what do you care?
Keith : i dont know! I’m just being friendly or whatever.
Lance : well cut it out.
Keith : cut it out?
Lance : I dont want to talk about it.
Keith : Why?
Lance : What do you mean why?
Lance : It’s none of your business, Keith.
Keith : … ok.
Keith : I didnt know this guy meant so much to you
Lance : yeah, I know.
Lance : fuck
Lance : I uh met him a while ago but it took me a long time to realise i have feelings for him.
Lance : maybe too long.
Lance : he just is so gorgeous and kind and I think him and I just work really well together.
Lance : he usually knows how to cheer me up when I need it.
Lance : usually.
Keith : he sounds nice
Lance : yeah, but sometimes he’s an oblivious dickwad.
Keith : oof
Lance : it’s really scary. Liking someone the way i do.
Keith : I remember I really liked this kid at the garrison.
Keith : he was totally obnoxious but really cute
Lance : Aww!!! Little Keithy had a crush
Keith : yeah, I did.
Lance : what was their name?
Keith : Taylor.
Keith : he was an awesome pilot, or would have been if he was able to focus when he was flying.
Lance : ... and his name was Taylor? You’re sure?
Keith : i mean, kinda? I never actually talked to him. I was WAY too shy for that haha
Lance : I guess I just don’t remember anyone there named Taylor
Keith : really? I thought you would. I figured you were kinda popular there. He didn’t get into the pilot class i guess because I didn’t really see him around anymore, but maybe he just went somewhere else?
Lance : yeah, maybe.
Lance : anyway, uh, no current crushes for you right now? Any boy you’re looking to raise 3 little mullet babies with?
Keith : mullet babies?
Keith : I’m not really focusing on that right now… I mean, who knows if I’ll survive this war. I can’t do that to someone
Lance : oh, i mean that makes sense.
Keith : yeah. And I really haven’t ever had much luck in relationships or whatever. I never even got the courage to talk to Taylor once. I’m better off alone.
Lance : Keith...
Keith : Anyways, I really hope it works out between you and this mystery guy. I think he’s really missing out.
Lance : … I hope it does too.
Keith : i’ll talk to you later, I’m gonna go train with Krolia for a bit.
Lance : ok. Talk to you later man
Keith : talk to you later Lance
---
Private Message: Lance McClain
4:30 pm
Keith : I’m sorry. I really like you. [deleted]
Keith : I know you like someone else, so I get it if you don’t want to be friends anymore because of this? I dont know [deleted]
Keith : I didn’t mean to ask about the stupid guy so much, I just knew you had talked about it with Pidge and Hunk and I just wanted to talk about things with you too. I wanted to be friends so bad and… I wanted to be the cute guy you liked. I’m obviously a bad friend. I just really thought we balanced each other out. You were someone I could rely on when Shiro was gone and I treasured your time as my right hand man. Or uh, I still do. I hope I can. The guy that rejected you is so fucking dumb and you can do so much better. And uh, sorry about not seeing that you’re bi sooner. I guess I just thought it was wishful thinking. [deleted]
---
I say Vol you say Tron
Loverboy : GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!!
Loverboy : that planet was awesome. The food was delicious. lets go home.
Sunshine : agreed! Only a little bit of travelling left to go!
Princess : I’m so excited to finally see earth and meet all your families!
Funkylesbian : I cant wait to see my dog again
Funkylesbian : Bae bae is too good for this world
Loverboy : Pidge I always thought u would be a cat person
Funkylesbian : I would lay down all of our lives for bae bae
Funkylesbian : I like both. How dare u.
Loverboy : I also thought keith would be a cat person
Funkylesbian : Keith is just touch starved
Kogayne : I want all the dogs
Kogayne : every dog
Funkylesbian : why
Kogayne : I want them
Loverboy : Keith and his army of dogs are gonna take down the galra empire
Funkylesbian : I love everything about that
Loverboy : no need for Voltron when Keith and his dogs are on the job
Funkylesbian : finally we can retire
Sunshine : Keith with an army of dogs is the cutest thing I have heard in a long time
Loverboy : It’s adorable and its the future
Loverboy : once this is all over we use all our money to just buy Keith every dog
Kogayne : nice
Shiro : Adam’s allergic to dogs
Kogayne : kill adam
Shiro : No.
Kogayne : please
Shiro : no army of dogs.
Kogayne : this sucks
Kogayne : I’m going back to my shack to raise the dogs
Shiro : no you’re not
Kogayne : fine
Shiro : why was your solution kill adam
Kogayne : a life without dogs is not a life worth living
Kogayne : If he’s allergic to my space dog ill fight him
Shiro : I doubt he will be i dont think he’s allergic to space dander?
Loverboy : Adam being allergic to dogs is the saddest thing ive heard today
Shiro : He’s more of a cat person anyway
Shiro : We have a balinese cat, Blanche
Shiro : She’s hypoallergenic (just in case) and loves watching the golden girls with Adam
Loverboy : Adam is everything I want to be when I’m grown up
Loverboy : I just want to sit on the couch with my cat and my muscled boyfriend watching old lady sitcoms
Shiro : yeah its pretty nice
Shiro : I miss him
Shiro : Hes gonna kick my ass when we get back
Shiro : its gonna be great
Kogayne : ew
Loverboy : aww
Shiro : yeah, he’s great
Shiro : if anything happens to adam I will kill everyone and then myself
Kogayne : thats not a good thing ?
Funkylesbian : a disaster gay we can all look up to
Funkylesbian : I cant believe adam is the distinguished gay and shiro the disaster
Sunshine : Does that make Keith the functional gay?
Funkylesbian : that meme is a myth theres no such thing as a functional gay
Funkylesbian : and Keith is also a disaster gay
Kogayne : u right
Shiro : I still remember Keith’s old Garrison crush!
Kogayne Ugh.
Sunshine : cute!!!
Funkylesbian : TELL US ALL ABOUT IT!!!
Kogayne : Ugh.
Shiro : All I know is that he had dark brown eyes and was a great pilot
Funkylesbian : oooo a pilot hmm
Kogayne : Ugh.
Funkylesbian : Keith r u gonna say anything except ugh
Kogayne : no
Funkylesbian : valid gay move
Sunshine : Now i kinda want to know who it is
Funkylesbian : akjdienfenfo me too
Kogayne: … Ugh.
Kogayne: It was a cute boy named Taylor.
Funkylesbian : Taylor?
Funkylesbian : There wasn’t a pilot named Taylor
Kogayne: yeah he left before everyone got placed
Kogayne: I never saw him after I joined pilot class…
Funkylesbian : yeah but no one in our year was named taylor?
Sunshine : Yeah, I also don’t remember a Taylor
Kogayne: what do you mean?????
Kogayne: cute, freckles, nice hair, from Cuba?
Kogayne: He said that weird line about threading the needle?
Funkylesbian : … jesus fucking christ.
Funkylesbian : you mean the line Lance says?
Kogayne: uh yeah?
Kogayne: wait, but Lance said he didn’t know who Taylor was?
Sunshine : oh my god.
Kogayne: Did he just forget who Taylor was?
Funkylesbian : aklfJwjfsfkejfksnefjengeg
Funkylesbian : someone call 911 im having a heart attack
Shiro : Keith…
Kogayne: WHAT? I don’t get it what’s happening
Loverboy : oh my god
Kogayne: Whats happening?????
Funkylesbian : Keith, I dont want to be the one that has to break this to you, but Lance has brown eyes freckles and is from Cuba
Funkylesbian : he also was a cargo pilot.
Loverboy : oh my god
Kogayne : oh.
Kogayne : Oh. Ok.
Loverboy : oh my god
Sunshine : … that’s kinda cute actually?
Kogayne : It’s really not.
Funkylesbian : why did you think his name was Taylor?
Kogayne: I DONT KNOW.
Funkylesbian : this is so wild
Funkylesbian : this some real dumbass kink shit
Kogayne : I’m glad you’re enjoying this.
Kogayne : I’m really glad you’re all enjoying this.
Sunshine : Keith! It was so long ago! No ones like judging or laughing at you
Sunshine : It’s just kinda cute since Lance is… y’know
Sunshine : Lancey
Loverboy : Hey!
Sunshine : I love you Lance but you’re a disaster bi
Loverboy : I am a FUNCTIONAL bi.
Funkylesbians : Lance u are not
Loverboy : >:(
Loverboy : This confirms something though
Sunshine : what?
Loverboy : the dumbass kink is real
Funkylesbian : yeah we been done knew
Loverboy : NO,,, It’s time i make an announcement
Funkylesbian : jesus christ
Loverboy : *clears throat*
Loverboy : My name is Lance McClain and I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight
Funkylesbian : AKFJEFNIOEJFIEF
Funkylesbian : you dramatic twink im gonna throw u out the window
Funkylesbian: i love you
Sunshine : I’m so proud of my morosexual best friend
Loverboy : (✿◠‿◠)
Kogayne : … Didn’t I ask you what the spanish word for tortilla was?
Loverboy : yes u did u dumbass
Loverboy : look what uve done to me
Shiro : wait, seriously?
Loverboy : Yes.
Shiro : holy shit
Shiro : Keith, you grew up in Texas.
Shiro : you took 4 years of Spanish.
Kogayne : I KNOW.
Kogayne : wait,,, am I the asshole guy who doesnt like you back????
Loverboy : …. Maybe.
Kogayne : uh
Kogayne : hold on
Funkylesbian : I love two (2) dumbasses.
Funkylesbian : fuck I love gays
---
Private Message: Lance McClain
Keith : Lance, I like you
Keith : like a lot.
Keith : I like you a lot a lot.
Lance … what
Lance : you literally just told me you didn’t like anyone
Lance : that you didn’t want to because of the war
Keith : well yeah
Keith : I wasn’t going to tell you I fucking like you
Lance : Keith you are such a dumb ass.
Lance : I have been flirting with you for SO LONG
Lance : and I finally find out you like me after you thought my goddamn name was Taylor and had a crush on me
Keith : …
Keith : dumbass kink?
Lance : Get your fucking dog and teleport into my lion right now you fucking gay.
---
Voltron is just furry propaganda
Loverboy : GAY
Loverboy : VERY GAY
Loverboy : IM GAY
Loverboy : KEITH AND I ARE DATING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunshine : IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Funkylesbian : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Funkylesbian : IM SO PROUD OF MY DUMB GAYS
Loverboy : KEITH CUTE GOOD KISS AGH
Loverboy : I. Lov. EFGAFFE
Sunshine : GOOD KISSS?/???????????????
Funkylesbian : oh you whore!!! Im so proud
Funkylesbian : my little kinky bitches
Loverboy : im so fucki9ing happy
Loverboy : I wanted to tell you both first im gonna go scream in the other chat now
Sunshine : !!!! im so happy for you !!!!!!!!
---
I say Vol you say Tron
Loverboy : I would like to inform everyone that keith and I are now dating and very happy.
Shiro : Congrats you two!! I’m so proud of you both!!!
Funkylesbian : IM SO FUCKY HAPPPY FOR YOU BOTH IM SCREAMING
Sunshine : !!! So happy for both of you!!!!!!!!
Kogayne : … <3
Princess : I’m so happy for both of you! I am sorry I was unable to participate in the conversation leading up to it, I have been very confused by almost everything you all have been saying
Princess : and not to take away from your announcement but…
Princess : Romelle and I are also officially dating now, so I have been busy with… that.
Loverboy : THATS AWESOME!!!
Sunshine : omg congrats!!!!!!!!!
Funkylesbian : ALLURA THATS SO AWESOME OMFG VOLTRON IS GAY AND THRIVING !!!!!! BEING A SINGLE GAY IS ILLEGAL
Funkylesbian : Keith and lance, allura and romelle, hunk and shay, shiro and adam
Funkylesbian : we dont show enough hunk pride. Hunk i love you
Sunshine : !!!! I love you too Pidge!!!
Funkylesbian : im a single gay bc im too powerful
Loverboy : thats valid
---
Kogayne : hey so I have a question
Funkylesbian : youre not still confused by lances kinks right? He has a lot ill pull out my list
Kogayne : no. we have been dating like a week.
Loverboy : Please burn that list.
Kogayne :... what kind of animal is the pink panther?
Loverboy : You’re so fucking stupid.
Loverboy : teleport to my lion right fucking now.
Funkylesbian : ill message you the list
Loverboy : BURN THE FUCKING LIST