depression, but make it ancient china
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Listing Series
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and what of the song of a bird with no voice by Beini
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
25 Aug 2020
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Summary
Zizhen more than anyone yearned for an explanation, to know what is wrong with him, why his limbs felt so heavy and his head clouded with constant fog. Why the things he once took pleasure in no longer gave him joy.
He couldn’t say exactly when it had happened, there was never a single moment to which he could trace back and say, aha, this was when it all started to go wrong. One moment, he was … not necessarily happy with his life, but content.
The next, there was nothing.
Series
- Part 1 of depression, but make it ancient china
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anything just to feel something by Beini
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
02 Nov 2020
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Summary
He had no desire to push away the cold, welcoming it to settle into the cavities of his lungs and crystalize the blood in his veins. At least the cold was something to feel, something to latch onto to distract from his apathetic state of mind.
Or, Ouyang Zizhen goes all the way to Gusu just to take a dip in the cold springs.
Series
- Part 2 of depression, but make it ancient china
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Summary
“How about we spar?” Jingyi suggested.
A sparring match? Sure why not, whatever could go wrong had already done so in spectacular fashion, so this couldn’t possibly be any worse.
“That sounds perfect.”
Zizhen tries and fails not to get angry. Jingyi suffers the consequences.
Series
- Part 3 of depression, but make it ancient china
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to dream, perchance to sleep by Beini
Fandoms: 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
29 Dec 2020
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Summary
More and more often, he began to question what point his life even served. He was useless as a son, as a lover (or former lover, rather), his skills as a cultivator were laughably pathetic. He would be of more use nourishing the soil from which the grass and flowers bloomed. At least in death, Zizhen might find meaning and purpose.
Series
- Part 4 of depression, but make it ancient china
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raze the forest, grow a seed by Beini
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
20 Jan 2021
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Summary
"Each day when you wake up, say these words to yourself. Especially on the days when it feels like a lie.”
—“ I am capable and worthy of being loved .”—
—“ My existence is not a burden on those around me. ”—
—” I will not kill myself today .”—
Haltingly, Zizhen repeated after Wei Wuxian.
Or, the immediate aftermath of Ouyang Zizhen's self-inflicted brush with death.
Series
- Part 5 of depression, but make it ancient china
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alone and back again by Beini
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
28 Feb 2021
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Summary
What Zizhen intended to say was, absolutely Senior Wei, I would love some company.
What came out, however, was, “Shouldn’t you be out I don’t know, vanquishing darkness, or whatever?” Because surely, the bearer of light and his partner had better things to do with their time than babysit Zizhen.
Or, five times Zizhen is not allowed to be on his own and one time that he is.
Series
- Part 6 of depression, but make it ancient china
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Summary
Under the lightless new moon in the depths of an early spring night, Zizhen searched for the strength to take his own life
Series
- Part 7 of depression, but make it ancient china
- Part 5 of songfics