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    “Can’t hang out tonight, Hayd. I have plans.”

    “Bullshit,” Hayden responds. “You never have plans.”

    Objectively, this used to be true. Nowadays Shane has many, many plans, between his nightly plans to look at Ilya’s penis through Skype and his various long-term plans laid out helpfully in his notebook, Canva (For Ilya’s sake. He is a visual learner), and more recently, Excel. Shane loves that excel sheet. He’s colour coded it.

     

    In 2017, Shane Hollander spirals and proposes to his boyfriend of 4 days (or 7 years, or 9 years, or not his boyfriend at all, depending on how you look at it), which leads to a lot of plans, weird theories in the Montreal Voyageur locker room, some Twitter drama, and Ilya Rozanov entering his WAG era.

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    23 Apr 2026

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    [Text] Ilya: oh, I cannot do nice thing for my godchild???

    [Text] Hayden: How is she your godchild? Our kids don’t have godparents

    [Text] Ilya: exactly. position was up for grab, so I grab

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    or, Ilya is determined to buy the Pike children's love

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    09 Feb 2026

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