ClasslessTulip

In Horny Jail



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    Shane and Ilya's feelings were always too big, too scary, and too difficult to discuss. After going their separate ways at the end of their time in Tampa, and building their lives without one another, Ilya makes the decision to call Shane in an effort to catch up after over 20 years apart.

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    03 Jun 2026

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    It’s a difficult concept for Shane to grasp, taking up space like that. Birthday parties are always so loud and demanding of everyone’s attention, and Shane doesn’t know how to handle it, always stressed that people don’t actually want to be there or are just patronising him. The idea that people want to get together to celebrate Shane, besides his parents and husband, is completely foreign to him. The idea that his hockey team would show up for his birthday is incomprehensible.

    Or:

    Two birthday wishes Shane makes, and how they come true (and one time Ilya threatens a bunch of ten-year-olds)

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    02 Jun 2026

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    Alternate Title: Shane Hollander: Stanley Cup Winner, Accidental Dog Sitter

    Shane: Is this Ilya Rozanov?
    Unknown number: no
    Shane: Oh, but the dog collar had this number.
    Unknown Number: What? What dog collar? What are you talking about?
    Shane: I'm Shane Hollander.
    Shane: I have your dog.
    Unknown Number: Is this ransom threat?
    Unknown Number: Did you kidnap my dog?

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    02 Jun 2026

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    When the unsentimental financial imperative of the NHL sees Shane traded to the Boston Raiders, he and Ilya are thrown into closer extended proximity than ever before. As they adjust to life as teammates, they are forced to contend with the nature of their relationship -and must answer for themselves: is it even a relationship at all?
    ____

    Sliding down the wall, Shane hunched over his untied sneakers, shoved on hastily when Coach had called him in for a meeting after morning skate.

    “Boston wanted you specifically. I’ve already spoken to their GM. You’re flying this evening or tomorrow morning: I’ll confirm once the paperwork clears.”

    “Mom,” Shane managed.

    “Oh sweetie. I know, okay. Those fuckers, how dare they do this! Two fucking cups! Now all of a sudden they decide they want a reset and you’re going to fund it.”

    Shane put his head between his knees and tried to breathe. God, Boston. They hated him there; it was so far away; he was fucking their captain.

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    02 Jun 2026

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    Ilya is wallowing after getting back from Montreal, when there's a knock at his door. Shane Hollander is here, and probably definitely going to break up with him for real.

    or: alternate version where shane flew to boston after his convo with rose, instead of waiting for the all-star game

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    30 May 2026