Hawkasshole
Fandoms
Recent works
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Try to Talk (Refined) by Hawkasshole
Fandoms: The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells, Murderbot (TV)
09 Nov 2025
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Summary
Murderbot is going to get a good grade in small talk, and if it makes Gurathin hard in the process.. Well that's just a bonus.
No Nut Kinkvember Day 8 and 9: Boring house party + awkward small talk
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Get Your Rocks Off by Hawkasshole
Fandoms: The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells, Murderbot (TV)
06 Nov 2025
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Summary
It started with him saying he'd sleep under the umbrella and then proceeding to lay face down without actually sleeping. I just wanted to annoy him when I placed the first hot stone on his back. It was smooth and pleasant to touch. Still, I didn't expect the low groan he made at that. Despite the fact that it definitely had to burn a little, his was a 'this is nice' type of groan, so I did it again, and then again.
It's a beach day and Murderbot plays with rocks and/on Gurathin. Gurathin likes it maybe too much. Kink is involved.
Written for No Nut Kinkvember day 6: rocks on the beach
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You were clearly meant for more (I want you to be happy) by Hawkasshole
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV), The Umbrella Academy (Comics)
26 Jul 2021
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Summary
She kept them. They had her eyes and she had to keep them.
Her mother told her it’s a bad idea, that she should give them up - a single woman with one child is bad enough, but two?
Or: What happened to Five and Luther when Reginald didn't adopt them.
From their mother's perspective.Written for TUA Song Week Day 1 - Youth by Glass Animals
Recent bookmarks
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Trapdoor Function by Ololon
Fandoms: The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells, Murderbot (TV)
29 Sep 2025
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Summary
Ratthi persuades Murderbot and Gurathin to go on a survey trip to a planet with the ominous nickname of Spider Planet. Soon, troubles with corporates and the local fauna mean that SecUnit is earning its currency cards, but nothing SecUnit can't handle - until it can't.
"I’d like to say that at least things couldn’t get any worse, but whenever someone says that in the media things inevitably do get worse and that seems to be one of the things media actually gets right. Oh right. I just remembered how this gets worse: the only person who could help me was Gurathin."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 75,700
- Chapters:
- 34/34
- Comments:
- 1,204
- Kudos:
- 567
- Bookmarks:
- 98
- Hits:
- 12,539
Bookmarked by Hawkasshole
31 Aug 2025
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The One Where Five is a Reluctant Disney Princess by hero_complex_girl
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
21 Sep 2021
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Summary
When your niece is the daughter of Allison ‘The Rumor’ Hargreeves, she’s bound to walk away with some kind of power. Five finds out the hard way.
Or,
The one where Claire (not so) accidentally turns Five into a Disney Princess.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,010
- Chapters:
- 4/8
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 31
- Kudos:
- 161
- Bookmarks:
- 22
- Hits:
- 1,716
Bookmarked by Hawkasshole
20 Sep 2021
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Summary
The good news: They’ve made it out of the Sparrow timeline.
The bad news: They’re still not home. One timeline closer, but things still aren’t right. It’s 2013 and there’s an Umbrella Academy, at least; one where Five never time traveled.
It’s a race for the Hargreeves to all catch up with one another, Five to figure out how to get them home (for real this time), and stay one step ahead of a Commission no longer on their side. The other Five would also really like to know how his world is supposed to end in six short years.
An independent AU offshoot of orsumfenix's The Shifting Mirrors
Series
- Part 1 of shifting together
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Summary
Diego leaned off the wall when he heard his footsteps, psyching himself up to counter his ridiculous plan. “I hope you know what the hell you’re doing,” he said, fixing him with a glare that he hoped also conveyed how stupid he thought he was.
He walked forward, the heels of his shoes thumping on the concrete. “Relax. It’s all going to work out,” Five said with alarming confidence, stepping out of the shadows completely and shoving his hands in his pockets like he was born for this, adorned in the purple tell-tale colors of the Sparrow Academy uniform.
* * *
Five joins the Sparrow Academy to beat Reginald at his own game, but it's not as clear-cut as he anticipates. With a time limit and incredibly high stakes, can he complete what he needs to do before it's too late?Bookmarked by Hawkasshole
28 Aug 2021
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sugar pills (maybe they don't work at all) by Spencer (ForestDivinity)
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
20 Feb 2021
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Summary
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
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In another universe, Five Hargreeves ends up as many things - timetraveller, assassin, saviour of the universe (damnation of the universe), eternally overworked adult, and eternal child - but that's another life.In this universe, he's a little bit more afraid (of himself? Of his powers? Of Reginald Hargreeves?) and a little more prone to seeking comfort from his family. What he can't get from his Father, he'll find somewhere else. And so instead of running into an apocalypse, Five Hargreeves runs into Four's room and steals what's left of a baggie of weed. It is large in his own small hands, his fingers shake as he pries the plastic open.
It spirals into a life of addiction he can't control, one counted in the bottoms of bottles and the sound of his brother laughing (
crying) by his side.Maybe it's not the easiest life but it's the one he's living.
Somehow, he still manages to stop the Apocalypse along the way (he never even knows it).
Bookmarked by Hawkasshole
24 Aug 2021