MeepySlow
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“I’ve gone crazy,” he concludes aloud.
This must be the answer, because his dreams are never this stable, and he doesn’t believe in ghosts. He’s finally lost his ever-loving mind. The grief must have been too much. He’s become one of those men driven insane by tragedy.
“It’s me,” Arthur says, voice raspy around the edges. “You’re not crazy, John.”
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John spends two years trying and failing to move on. Returning to the States, he makes the most unlikely and infuriating discovery of the new century. Life has provided a second chance, and John refuses to let it go to waste.
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Arthur frowns down at his glass. “So it didn’t mean anything to you, then? You like tryin' to hook up with truckers or something?”
John realizes he’s digging himself into a bigger hole than he’d meant to. He runs over his options but when he looks back at Arthur, he can see a tinge of hurt under his curiosity.
“I don’t hook up with truckers,” John says flatly. “I don’t do much hookin' up at all, actually. I just read some signals wrong that night. Thought maybe... Well, you’re a nice man. I knew that since I met you.”
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John is adrift. Twenty-five and nothing to show for it, he’s a college drop out, his car barely runs, and his trailer leans to one side. He works a dead-end warehouse job in the hottest town in the desert. All in all, he’d call himself a failure. The moments he looks forward to most are when trucker Arthur Morgan passes through town. It’s not enough, though. John wants more out of life, and he wants more from Arthur Morgan.
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“I’m not sure I’m the same man you remember.”
“How do you mean?” Steve asks.
Bucky hesitates. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m him. I have memories... but they don't feel like they're mine.” Sometimes, he feels so far divorced from the idea of “Sergeant James Barnes” that it wouldn’t matter if they were the same person or not. “Feels like I’m lying to you when you ask me who you’re talking to.”
__________After leaving the shield behind, Steve and Bucky take stock of the past and present from a safehouse. Tired of fighting, they seek the time and space to breathe and relearn each other. Healing is not a straight path, though.
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The man comes straight at them.
“Howard...” Vince says, shuffling closer.
“It’s alright,” Howard says. "I'll handle it."or
It had never occurred to him, until now, that if Howard had the means to, he might want to live away from him.
_______The boys go on a strange trip to Antarctica, Howard is out to prove himself, and Vince is losing his mind.