asexual_witch



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    After Shane films an obscenely slutty advertisement for a sports drink company, the whole goddamn world decides he’s their new favorite sex symbol. Ilya reacts perfectly normally to this latest development.

    Or, 5 times Ilya is consumed with jealousy over his own fucking boyfriend + 1 time Shane shows him who he really belongs to.

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    English
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    1/1
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    22 Apr 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 24

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    What if, after Ilya told Shane to go away during the Sochi Olympics, he later reached out to him? After an argument with his brother, Ilya reaches out to the one person he shouldn't.

    Language:
    English
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    10,433
    Chapters:
    9/9
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    22 Apr 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    When the idea is suggested to Harris, he dreads having to make the first one. It's tradition for the Captain of the team to do the guinea pig run of the social media trends they join.
    But Ilya is a loose canon on a good day.
    Giving him a mic might be giving him entirely too much power for Harris's sanity...and editing skills.

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    English
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    2/2
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    22 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    CUTE AF T.T

  4. Public Bookmark 24

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    “малыш, do you want to try?” Ilya regards him through hooded eyes, pupils already blown. The joint dangles off his fingers, and he waves it lightly in front of Shane's face, “I'll guide you.”

    But Shane frowns, shaking his head.

    “'Cause it's my first time,” Shane starts, clearing his throat and looking everywhere but at Ilya, “I looked it up, and some people online were saying that if you blow the smoke directly into my mouth, I think it's called, uh, shotgunning? Yeah…that it would help. Make it easier.”

    And oh. His Shanya, his beloved, is secretly the fucking devil. His boyfriend has been crafted by the Gods to come and ruin any sanity that Ilya had left, what with his freckles and eyelashes and his stupid fucking research into shotgunning.

    “Yeah, малыш, we can,” he clears his throat, rubbing at a part of the couch, “we can do that.”

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    21 Apr 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Just-” Ilya starts, intending to tease, the offer of a massage more about getting Hollander back in a more relaxed headspace than anything else, but then the wire-tight tension in the muscles under his fingers registers, and he frowns, pressing testingly before making a noise of disapproval. “Fuck, Hollander, you are secretly doing crime or what?”

    “What?” Hollander asks, confused, starting to lift his head before Ilya pushes it back down absently, focused now on feeling out the knots Hollander seems to be completely made of. He’s felt tension in Hollander’s shoulders before, usually during coaxing little squeezes while coaching him through learning how to deep throat, but he’s always written it off as nerves from learning something new.

    Now he wonders if Hollander is just nerves, period.

    (the "ilya massages shane" fic inspired by hudson saying that playing shane made him sore because he was so tense all the time)

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    21 Apr 2026