bxcal
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Summary
There is a hole in the world in the library, and there is a hole in the world in your head, and there is a hole in the world in your former partner’s chest, deep in his lungs. Maybe you can do something about it, before it is too late.
JEAN VICQUEMARE: An exhale, a flutter of his lashes. “Huh - Harry - time is it-”
SAVOIR FAIRE: It is the sweetest and softest you have ever heard him say your name.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: It makes your knees weak.
YOU: You lean on his desk, palm flat, leaning over him. “It’s early, Jean.”
COMPOSURE: Your voice as soft as his.
JEAN VICQUEMARE: He opens his eyes slowly. They track over you, one pale, one paler.
VISUAL CALCULUS: The lamplight makes them nearly see-through. If you could just gaze into them a moment longer, you will remember everything.
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Your vision goes dark. You’re back in the tunnel and the train is hitting you like a heart attack. You can’t breathe but there’s warmth around you, pressing into your shaking body. Someone is murmuring. Someone is pressing kisses into your skull.
(the aftermath of a suicide attempt)
Series
- Part 2 of painting of a panic attack
Bookmarked by bxcal
20 Sep 2025
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Summary
You want to know how close you can get to unmaking yourself before you fall to pieces. How many drops of blood can you spill until you’re empty? How far can you fall before it kills you?
(in which jean has a really bad time.)
Series
- Part 1 of painting of a panic attack
Bookmarked by bxcal
20 Sep 2025
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Summary
“Detective,” Kim says patiently, “once again — you outrank me, and Officer Vicquemare is your partner.”
“So?”
“So why don’t you ask him to not call you a silly asshole?”
Harry levels his gaze with Jean’s. “I order you to not call me a silly asshole,” he says, pointing at him.
Jean, without breaking eye contact, gives him the middle finger with both hands.
Series
- Part 7 of un jour je serai de retour
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Summary
in which Harry Du Bois suffers from early-onset dementia and no-one is okay.
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or: of dead brothers, shorelines, the Pale, Jean and Kim and the end of one world
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