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In which Dave discovers a heretofore unknown feature of Dirk's god tier pajamas, and a whole lot of nonsense (and a little bit of porn) ensues.
(not joke fic, despite the dumb premise and even dumber title)
Bookmarked by lixalee
29 Apr 2026
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TG: does dirk like me
TT: no he just tolerates you several times a week for hours on end. That's why you two schedule these days where you watch shitty anime and talk about how bad you are at art while simultaneously patting each others asses in what is the worlds smallest circle jerk in attempt to spur creativity.
TG: oh my god you suck
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,994
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 15
- Kudos:
- 210
- Bookmarks:
- 25
- Hits:
- 2,387
Bookmarked by lixalee
28 Apr 2026
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“Ponies aren’t horses.” Dirk preemptively makes a grab for a blanket and draws it up over his legs, just in case Dave makes any attempts at bedding-theft. “Therefore, her nose can’t be hung like a horse.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,091
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 15
- Kudos:
- 189
- Bookmarks:
- 29
- Hits:
- 4,936
Bookmarked by lixalee
28 Apr 2026
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hey dave do you ever think about laying my neck down in one of those deli counter meat slicers and going to town on it like a salami by the meat machine (problemsloth) for cmdonovann
Fandoms: Homestuck
31 Dec 2022
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"So. Decapitation as a sexual activity."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,047
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 30
- Kudos:
- 264
- Bookmarks:
- 51
- Hits:
- 2,812
Bookmarked by lixalee
28 Apr 2026
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Summary
He looks younger than you, even though he’s not, and you remind yourself that he’s here because he wants to be. This is his gig. You’re just here to not fuck it up.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,450
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 77
- Bookmarks:
- 11
- Hits:
- 462
Bookmarked by lixalee
28 Apr 2026