umberluna
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Summary
“I will not share,” Ilya continued conversationally, and at this, Shane and Hayden both turned to stare at him. “But, because I am a generous guy, I will let you watch.”
Or: During a visit to the cabin, Hayden learns that his crush on Shane isn't as secret as he thought.
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Anyway, he thought as he drove to the rink. We were never together, and we’re extra not together now. He would not be letting that man see every inch of him and carry him to bed from his shower floor. He would not let him kiss his earlobe, which he liked to do every time for some reason. He was certainly not going to let him scan every inch of his body anymore. So whether there was something under the surface, spilled out messy guts getting stains on everything, Ilya wouldn’t know about it.
CONTENT WARNING:
Strong CW for eating disorder behavior and description. Content is of someone in active disorder and not in recovery, and specific behaviors and routines are mentioned.
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"Ilya had loved him through his worst moments. Ilya had helped him find a therapist when he’d collapsed on the floor of their hotel bathroom after losing a particularly brutal game, scratching at his chest. Ilya had held him, even when Shane yelled at him because there was panic crawling under his skin and he felt as though it might claw its way out. Ilya had told him it was okay; that it didn’t make him a bad player to resent the spotlight sometimes, that it didn’t make him a bad teammate to hate the team when they were too loud and too drunk and too physical, that it didn’t make him a bad person to need space to breathe. Ilya saved him.
And look what you give him in return. You’re a shitty husband, Shane Hollander.
You don’t deserve his last name."
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content warnings: discussion of mental health, depiction of a panic attack, depiction of invasive medical procedure, depiction of violence (generally non-graphic), use of hate speech, depiction of a hate crime