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“Split up!” Dolls yells as the giant snake-thing splits into three giant snake-things and scatter. “Wynonna with me on the main one; have Peacemaker ready. Doc, Waverly, follow the others. Killing the main one should kill the other two but we don’t know where they’re going.”
Hopefully the main monster doesn’t run too fast; Wynonna’s not running very quick these days. Waverly casts a last look over her shoulder at her sister, but Wynonna’s got her determined face on and Dolls won’t let anything happen to her, anyway. Waverly and Doc run after the two new snake demons.
“I am,” Doc pants, “quite sick of these strange creatures. Revenants are people, at least, in a manner of speaking.”
Waverly snorts. “Tired of these mother-freaking snakes on this mother-freaking plane?”
Doc spares her a confused glance. “What?”
Waverly shakes her head. “Not important right now. It’s a movie. Sorry. But he doesn’t say freaking.”
Doc makes a face that means he’s tired of her modern-day shenanigans and keeps running. Waverly is not wearing great shoes for running. Her boots are incredibly cute, and Nicole had been incredibly appreciative when she’d seen them, but chasing down some freaky snake demons? Not really an occasion that calls for sexy boots.
“Where did they go?” Doc asks. Waverly stops thinking about her boots and looks around.
“Did they go in that sewage tunnel?” she asks. “It’s a dead end. They started digging these drainage tunnels but the housing development they were building got abandoned so they never finished. Should we follow them?”
“I suppose so,” Doc says. His voice is a little funny and Waverly looks over at him. He’s staring at the opening to the tunnel really intently and biting his lip. Waverly raises her eyebrows.
“You alright?”
Doc blinks and tears his eyes away from the tunnel to look at her. “Certainly. I will go in first and make sure it’s safe.” He swallows and takes a deep breath, then climbs down before she can say anything else. As soon as the top of his hat disappears, Waverly remembers Doc was stuck at the bottom of a well for over a century. She curses under her breath and drops to her knees to see if she can see anything in the tunnel.
“Doc?” she calls.
“Waverly,” he yells back. “Do not come down here. It’s too dark to tell where the snakes are.”
“Are you okay?”
“I haven’t encountered our friends yet. That I know of.”
“No, Doc,” Waverly says, rolling her eyes even though he can’t see. “Are you okay down there in a dark, enclosed space?”
There’s a pause before Doc answers. “I am…fine.”
That’s convincing. “Doc, I’m coming down.” She debates her footwear. On the one hand: sewage gunk on her sexy boots is not ideal. On the other: sewage gunk on her socks is way worse.
“Sorry, sexy boots,” she mutters.
“No, Waverly, stay up there!” Doc commands. “I cannot see the snakes.”
Waverly ignores him and jumps down into the tunnel. She practically lands on top of him, which is nice because it means he catches her, though he growls a little. “I said—”
“Doc, I’m not leaving you down here alone. You’re claustrophobic.”
“I am not,” Doc says, sounding insulted.
“You’re afraid of tight spaces. Double when it’s dark.”
“I am not afraid,” he protests.
“Have you ever closed the shower curtain?” Waverly asks. Every time she’s ever walked into the bathroom after Doc was in there, the floor all around the shower is wet. It’s not that hard to figure out.
“Maybe I did not know I was supposed to,” he points out. Waverly gives him a look. Or she would be giving him a look, if she could see him.
“Doc,” she says gently. “It’s alright. You were stuck down there for over a hundred years. It’s amazing you’re as functional as you are.”
“I will choose to take that as a compliment,” he says dryly. “But my bathing habits have no bearing on the matter at hand. We can’t see anything.”
Waverly pulls out her phone and turns on the flashlight. “Yours has one too,” she tells him. “I’ll show you.”
Except his battery is dead. He shrugs, looking a little sheepish. “I forgot,” he admits.
“You’ve been doing so well lately!” Waverly says. He really has. Since the whole baby-on-the-way thing, Doc’s been keeping his phone charged anytime he doesn’t have Wynonna in his direct sight. But they’ve all been at the Homestead for the last two days with no new cases, so he must’ve forgotten to worry about it.
“Well, okay, luckily we have mine,” Waverly says. “But remind me when we get back to the Homestead and you plug in your phone. It’s really useful to have a flashlight all the time. Dolls keeps one in his pockets.”
“And on his keyring,” Doc agrees. “I do have a match, but I have my doubts about the safety of lighting one down here.”
“Good point,” Waverly says, not wanting to think too hard about what could be down here. She points her flashlight beam around the tunnel. There’s a bend up ahead. “They probably went back there.”
Doc pulls his gun and nods at her to do the same. He and Dolls bought her a little pistol to keep with her at all times. “A pistol for a pistol,” Doc had teased. Dolls had pretended to think the joke was dumb, but Waverly had seen him laugh.
It’s small enough that she can handle it with one hand and still hold her phone in the other. They round the corner and the snakes rise up, hissing. Doc shoots the one on the right before Waverly can even react, and the gunshot startles her into aiming. She hits hers a little off-center, but pretty close to the middle of its head.
“Beautiful,” Doc praises. Waverly preens a bit. There aren’t many people who can say the best shot in the world praised their aim. Before either of them can speak again, the two snakes go down in a blaze of hellfire.
“Oh, good,” Waverly says. “Wynonna must’ve gotten the other one. Let’s get out of here.” As she turns to head back out, she stumbles on something. Doc grabs her arm to steady her, and she drops her phone. It must land in some sewer gunk or something, because the light immediately goes out. Waverly hears Doc draw a sharp breath.
“Hey, I’m right here,” she reminds him. “Don’t worry, I’m with you.”
“Are you alright?” he checks. He seems determined to completely ignore how freaked out he is. Waverly can understand that.
“Yeah, but I think my phone’s done for,” Waverly says mournfully. “Ugh, this is why I leave crawling around in sewers to the Ninja Turtles. Hey, Dolls should’ve come down here!”
Doc doesn’t even bother pointing out that she’s spouting gibberish as far as he’s concerned. He must really want to get out of here. They get back around the corner and can see daylight from the tunnel’s opening.
“How are we going to get out?” Waverly realizes.
“I will lift you,” Doc assures her.
“Thanks, but what about you? I don’t think I can lift you.”
Doc shudders a little. “Well. Perhaps there will be a rope. Or a tall rock you can throw down.”
“Why don’t I give you a boost and you can climb out first and then lift me up?” Waverly suggests.
“Of course not,” Doc protests. She should’ve seen that coming. “I will not leave you down here.”
“But Doc,” Waverly starts.
“Waverly, no,” Doc cuts her off. “You first. And if I cannot get out…” He pauses for a second. She can see his face now, barely, and she can’t tell if it’s just the shadows or if he’s really that pale. “You can get back to Wynonna and Dolls. I’m sure the Deputy Marshal can help.”
“I am not leaving you,” Waverly insists. She wouldn’t want to leave anyone down there, with creepy demon snake corpses and God-knows-what-else down there, but she’s especially not going to leave Doc alone in a dark tunnel. He was barely keeping it together even with her there. He might’ve fooled anyone else, but Waverly knows better.
“Up you go,” he says, kneeling and lacing his fingers together for her to step on.
“Doc, I’m not going until I know we can both go.”
“We won’t know if we can both go until you do,” he points out. His voice is tight. “I will not take any more of your arguments. Get out of this tunnel this instant.”
“Doc!” Waverly tries one last time.
“Waverly Earp!” he finally breaks and yells. He never yells at her anymore, but he’s not exactly in the best way. “You were right. I want to get out of here right now. But I need to know you are out and safe before I can do anything else.”
Waverly blows out a frustrated breath, but she can tell she’s making things worse by arguing with him. “Fine,” she huffs. “Chivalrous ass.”
“It is one of my better qualities,” he says. It makes her feel better. If he’s still making jokes, he can’t be doing too badly. Even with Doc’s help, climbing out still takes a good bit effort, and she’s glad she’s been training with Dolls lately. As soon as she’s out, she scrambles around for something to throw to Doc.
“Rope, rope, rope,” she mutters. “Come on, gimme something.”
“Do you see anything?” he asks, voice measured.
“Doc, there’s nothing out here!” Waverly cries, frantic. “Let me try pulling you up.” It’s fruitless, of course. Waverly’s not even tall enough to reach the tips of Doc’s fingers. She can see his chest rising and falling, getting faster as he realizes he’s going to be stuck down there for a while.
“Go on and find Wynonna and Dolls,” he says, forcibly calm. She can hear the way his teeth are clenched. “They’ll be worried.”
“Dolls!” Waverly screams, hands cupped around her mouth. No response. There’s no telling where the other snake ended up. Waverly wrings her hands, but she can’t see any other choice. She kneels down beside the opening. “I’ll be right back, Doc,” she promises. “I won’t leave you here. Okay?”
Doc manages a little smile. “I know you won’t. I will be just fine. Long as it doesn’t take you 130 years.”
Waverly doesn’t bother responding. She jumps up and takes off as fast as she can, cursing her stupid boots. “Dolls!” she yells. “Wynonna!” She doesn’t get an answer and can only run in the direction they all came from, yelling and screaming.
“Waves?” Wynonna finally calls back. Waverly can see her and Dolls walking through the trees ahead of her.
“Dolls, I need help!” Waverly screams. “I left Doc in a tunnel!”
Dolls and Wynonna look at each other for about half a second before Dolls comes sprinting at her. She can’t turn as fast as she’d like thanks to her boots. Nicole had really better be grateful for these boots. She leads Dolls back to the tunnel.
“Doc!” she yells as they get closer. “We’re coming, Doc.”
Dolls drops to his knees beside the opening. “You know, if it were me, I might stop going into dark, tight spaces.” He whips his head over to where Wynonna’s just walking up. “Don’t,” he cuts off the dirty comment she was undoubtedly about to make. Wynonna pulls a face.
“Hey, I can be serious.”
Dolls hangs halfway into the tunnel. Waverly sits on one of his legs and shrugs when Wynonna raises her eyebrows. “I don’t want him to fall.”
“And all eighty pounds of you is going to make a difference?” Wynonna asks. But she sits on his other leg. Dolls gets Doc up enough to pull himself out. Doc’s sweating and pale and flops onto his back on the ground. Wynonna leans over him and puts a hand on his face.
“Hey, come on, you slept with prostitutes before antibiotics. That can’t be the scariest hole you’ve been in.”
“I knew it was coming,” Dolls sighs.
“Really, Dolls? Coming?” Waverly points out. “Stop feeding the fire.”
Doc sits up, Wynonna’s hand on his chest and Dolls holding onto one of his arms. Waverly grabs his hat from where it had fallen and sets it back on his head. He uses his free hand to tip it at her.
“Fastest help I’ve gotten,” he praises, voice only slightly weak. “Thank you, Waverly.”
“Oh, right, thank you Waverly,” Dolls mutters. “Sure.” His words are undercut by the way he’s still holding onto Doc’s arm. Waverly’s not looking closely, but she’s pretty sure she sees a distinct caress pattern going on with his thumb against Doc’s bicep.
Doc gives him a look and tips his hat to Dolls, too. “Much obliged, Deputy Marshal,” he drawls sarcastically. “Why don’t we get off this ground and head back? I believe Waverly needs a new phone.”
“Oh, yeah,” Waverly says. “Ugh. Sewer gunk.”
“That could be a name,” Wynonna says.
“No,” Dolls says, at the exact same time Doc says,
“Absolutely not.”
“It did give us this moment of bonding,” Waverly says, playing along with Wynonna if only for the disgusted looks both men shoot her way. Wynonna snorts.
“Someone help this huge lady off the ground, please. I have to pee again. Actually, I might’ve already peed a little running over here. I can’t really be sure anymore.”
“You’re such a glowing endorsement of reproduction,” Waverly says.
Wynonna winks. “Remember kids, safe sex.”
“Not that I have to worry about that,” Waverly reminds her triumphantly. “Another win for the gays.”
“Why do we always end up having this conversation?” Dolls wonders. “Every time.”
“Where are we?” Wynonna asks. “If it takes more than two minutes to find the car I’m going to have to commune with nature.”
“I know exactly where the car is,” Dolls says. “You know my sense of direction is perfect.”
“Is that a freaky lizard thing?” Waverly asks.
“No, it’s a Ranger thing.”
They all bicker all the way back to the car, but it doesn’t escape Waverly that Doc doesn’t join in like he usually would. It obviously doesn’t escape Dolls or Wynonna, either—Dolls puts a hand on Doc’s shoulder as they walk and Wynonna gives up the front seat to Waverly so she can sit beside Doc in the back.
They drop Waverly at the only electronics store in Purgatory and promise to let Nicole know what’s going on. Nicole shows up while Waverly’s waiting for her phone to activate, and she gives Waverly a ride back to the Homestead.
“My boots are ruined,” Waverly pouts.
“No!” Nicole gasps. “Not the sexy boots.”
“I’m afraid so,” Waverly says. “Another victim of the curse.”
“Definitely the saddest one,” Nicole says. She makes a face and adds guiltily, “Okay, you know I didn’t mean that.”
Waverly laughs. “Of course I know you didn’t mean that. Don’t worry, I’ll buy more.”
“I sure hope so,” Nicole says, taking her eyes off the road to smirk over at Waverly. “I never got to see you in just the boots.”
When they get home, Dolls is in the kitchen and Wynonna is singing in the shower. “She didn’t even get sewer gunk on her!” Waverly protests.
“She let Doc go first, and she’ll pull the pregnancy card if you try to argue,” Dolls points out.
Waverly sighs. “Well, I guess it’s a good card. I wouldn’t want my future niece or nephew to be exposed to second-hand-sewer-gunk.”
Dolls huffs a little laugh and glances out the window toward the barn. Waverly nods. “I’m guessing he’s out there to avoid the little bean getting exposed to second-hand smoke?”
Dolls smiles. “Yeah, that pamphlet really hit him hard.”
“We’re going to head upstairs,” Waverly says, taking Nicole’s hand. “Tell Wynonna to yell when she’s out of the shower.”
She’s pretty sure it’s not going to happen. Dolls can’t stand the way they go around the house calling out for each other. He thinks they should bother to walk around and find each other. He doesn’t even take Wynonna’s excuse about being too tired, because he says he’s seen her run for the donuts she left in the car too many times to believe her. But Wynonna’s decided she is no longer going to walk into Waverly’s room while Nicole’s up there.
It’s not like Waverly and Nicole are getting up to anything. Waverly smells like a sewer. Nicole helps her wipe the worst of it out of her hair as best they can without water, and obviously they kiss a bit, but luckily Wynonna doesn’t take long. By the time Waverly gets showered and Nicole heads out for patrol, someone’s made dinner. Waverly sniffs at the pot. Chili—definitely Dolls. Doc’s still nowhere to be found. Waverly, Wynonna, and Dolls eat, and Doc doesn’t come in. Wynonna and Dolls keep looking over to the barn.
“Should we go get him?” Waverly finally suggests.
“He said he needs space,” Dolls tells her.
Wynonna rolls her eyes. “What he actually said was I’ll take my leave to the barn, if you please by your leave.”
“He didn’t say that,” Waverly says. Dolls shakes his head so she knows she’s right.
“Well, you know, whatever, old timey speak, blah, blah.”
Dolls and Waverly share a look. Wynonna’s extra sarcastic, which means she’s definitely worried about Doc. They watch TV, passing a bowl of popcorn instead of a bottle of wine like they used to, and Waverly remembers that she needs to show Doc Snakes on a Plane. And Ninja Turtles.
“Well, this is stupid,” Waverly finally decides. “I’m going to talk to him.”
Neither Dolls nor Wynonna argue. Waverly knows they want to talk to him but don’t want to butt up against his boundaries. Waverly doesn’t know all the details of their arrangement, but she knows Doc was very clear about needing time to go off and brood once in a while. Not that he’d phrase it that way, but that’s what he does. And sure, it’s understandable—he climbed out of a well into a whole new century, with everyone he knew and loved dead—but it doesn’t mean Waverly has to let him brood alone.
She stands in the doorway of the barn. Doc’s lying on his old bed, the one they left out there in case they get any other immortal visitors who can handle sleeping in a drafty barn. Waverly and Nicole have used it a few times when the house got to be too much.
“Guess you drew the short straw to come fetch me,” Doc says. Waverly puts her hands on her hips.
“No. I just have no obligation to honor your dumb boundaries.”
Doc raises his eyebrows. She can tell he’s amused. “I thought boundaries were important in this new modern age.”
“Were they not in your age?”
“Darling, we died before we were forty. No one had time for boundaries.”
Waverly huffs. Wyatt Earp lived to be eighty. She nudges him over so she can sit beside him. “You have two movies to catch up on from today,” she reminds him. “Actually, more than that, because Ninja Turtles has sequels. And a reboot. And I think a cartoon TV show.”
“That sounds intimidating.” Doc wrinkles his brow. “The turtles are ninjas?”
“Teenage ninjas,” Waverly informs him. “Mutated by toxic sludge or something. They love pizza.”
Doc shakes his head. “I am not watching that.”
“Fine, we’ll pretend Wynonna wants to name the kid Michelangelo after the painter.”
He doesn’t respond. Waverly leans against him and he bears her weight without complaint. He pulls out one of his hand-rolled cigarettes and sticks it in his mouth but doesn’t light it. Dolls wasn’t kidding about that pamphlet getting to Doc. He hasn’t smoked around any of them since he found out about lung cancer and second-hand smoke.
“I’m sorry you had to be stuck down there today,” Waverly finally says.
Doc sighs. “It was not your fault.”
“I know. But I’m still sorry it happened.”
He shrugs. “I am happy to report it doesn’t happen every day. On the plus side, we stopped demon snakes and no one was hurt.”
“Thanks for making sure I got out first,” Waverly presses. “I feel safer knowing you’ve got my back like that.”
Doc smiles a little and looks down. “I will always have your back,” he promises.
“I know.” She hesitates for a second. “Doc? Do you have nightmares? About being in the well?”
Doc takes his time answering. He moves his cigarette to the other side of his mouth, then moves it back. He runs a hand along the brim of his hat.
“I do,” he admits quietly. “But that is not the nightmare I have most often.” He glances over at her. “I have a lot of regrets, Waverly. I deserved—”
“No, you didn’t.” She doesn’t care if this is a big emotional speech—she’s not listening to that. “You were dying, Doc. You didn’t want to die, and the witch took advantage of that. That doesn’t mean you deserved to be thrown down a well!”
“I didn’t mean taking her deal,” Doc says. “The way I treated people. Treated Wyatt.”
“No,” Waverly says simply. “I know you.”
“You know me now,” he points out. “Not then.”
“There are some things that never change. And I know for a fact that you have always cared about your people.”
Doc shakes his head. “Your faith in me is admirable, if misplaced. I have always cared for myself first. I was dying slowly and I was mad about it, so I took that to mean I should live however I pleased.”
“Doc, Wyatt said you were a good friend. Even after you died. Or, I mean, you were declared dead. A newspaper asked him about you.”
Doc turns his head quickly to look at her. “You came across that in your research?” he asks quietly.
“It’s on your Wikipedia, Doc.”
“My…?”
Waverly pulls out her new phone and goes to Wikipedia. “The internet,” she reminds him. They should do a better job of getting him up to speed. Jeremy showed him voicemail, but none of them have tackled pictures or videos yet, let alone the internet. Maybe she should leave that to Jeremy—it’d give him plenty of one-on-one time with Doc, that’s for sure. “You have to take Wikipedia with a grain of salt, because anyone can edit it, but there are sources most of the time so you can double check.”
She scrolls to the quote she was looking for and hands it over to Doc. He squints while he reads it and jumps a little when his thumb brushes the screen and moves it, but he figures out scrolling in a second and spends a long time looking at the page.
“He said this?” he finally asks. “After everything?”
Waverly nudges him. “See? I’m an excellent judge of character.”
Doc smiles at her. “I will do my best to live up to your image of me.”
“Good. Now come inside, please? It’s freezing out here and you must be starving.”
Doc follows her inside. He’s still holding her phone with his Wikipedia page open, so she lets him keep it for now. Wynonna points a spoon at him and says,
“What did I tell you about disappearing like that?”
“To come back with ice cream next time,” Doc says.
Dolls snorts. “We got that covered. Maybe just take your phone next time.”
“Oh, that’s…” Doc pulls out his phone. “I need the electricity.”
“Your charger’s still plugged in on the nightstand,” Dolls tells him.
“How do you go around with a dead phone?” Wynonna asks. “What do you do when you’re on the toilet?”
Doc blinks. “I truly do not know how to answer that question.” He holds out Waverly’s phone. “Here you are.”
“Hang onto it for a while,” Waverly says. “Read the whole thing.”
He smiles softly and looks down at the phone again. “Thank you, Waverly.”
“You’re welcome, Doc. Any time. You got my back and I’ve got yours.”
They smile at each other for a second. Wynonna breaks it up in typical Wynonna fashion. “Dude, are you gonna charge your phone or what? I have another meme to send you.” She laughs to herself. “He hates Grumpy Cat so much.”
“He is Grumpy Cat,” Dolls adds.
“I am not,” Doc says, grumpily enough to discredit his argument. Waverly laughs and listens to the three of them bickering. Nicole’s coming back after her patrol, and they’ll all be together then. Their family. Not exactly the kind of family Waverly used to dream about when she was alone and lonely all those years. But really, she thinks as Wynonna hands her a bowl and Dolls passes her the ice cream, a lot better.