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Hugo frantically runs around his house making sure everything is perfect for his mother’s visit. He remembers the last time she came to the house and noticed it was a total mess. She chastised him and pulled him by his ear to get the cleaning supplies. Ernest would not stop laughing about it for days. He shakes off the traumatic memory.
“Hugo. Sweetie, it looks great and besides your house is super clean anyway.” Hugo’s boyfriend said leaning against the door.
“I told you my madre is a stickler for cleanliness and I told you my about my traumatic experiences with my house being just a little messy when she’s here.”
“Alright, alright clean your sparkling kitchen floors for like the thousandth time. Be my guest. I’m off to get out of these sweatpants. I have a hunch these will make a good first impression.” James said as he gestured to his duck pajamas.
Hugo chuckled and continued to scrub his kitchen floor. By the time James got changed, Hugo was still scrubbing. Hugo can hear an audible sigh from his boyfriend and heard him getting out a second scrubber and helping him clean.
“Oh you don’t have t-”
“Nah I want to,” James said, “And besides I’m not going to let you suffer here on your own. It would be a dick thing to do.”
With both of them scrubbing, it took half the time to finish the cleaning process. Hugo wiped his brow and took a few seconds to admire is handiwork. Just then he heard a bark and his son yelling. Dutchess ran into the kitchen, completely covered in mud. Then Ernest came probably covered in the same amount of mud as the dog. Ernest caught up to Dutchess and hooked her leash on her collar.
“Dad! I’m so sorry. I was trying to wash Dutchess before abuela came, but she got away and ran in the yard and then in the house. Ummmmmm... It doesn’t look that bad. Right? This can get cleaned up in like five minutes.”
Right after Ernest completed his sentence, Dutchess decided this was the best time to shake off all the mud that was on her fur. Everything and everyone in the kitchen was splattered with mud. She yawned, walked outside and plopped down on the porch to take a nap. Everyone in the kitchen stood there in silence for a few minutes. Hugo was too shocked to say anything. All his hard work… ruined in a matter of seconds. James was the first one to break the silence.
“It’s okay Hugo. Ernest and I will clean this up. You can go out to the porch and relax for a bit. Hydrate y’know.” James said as he pulled a water bottle out of the fridge.
Hugo mumbled a response that both James and Ernest could hear. Once he was out the door, James turned to Ernest.
“Sorry.”
“I don’t think you have to apologize to me right now, but I’d wait until your father is rested enough to talk. If I were you helping me clean this up would make it up to him,” Ernest looked dejected after he said this,” I know you were trying to do something good, and I’m so glad you thought about cleaning Dutchess yourself. It's kinda the thought that counts.”
Ernest doesn’t say anything, but he looks a little happier than he was before. James considered that a win in his book. They both get down on their hands a knees and start cleaning. The cleaning process took a little longer than before because last time they didn’t have to scrub mud off the floors and walls. But eventually all the scrubbing paid off and the kitchen was in pristine condition again.
“I think we make a good team, Ernest.”
“Yeah, I think so too.” Ernest said with a small smile, “Now I think it’s time for the real cleaning challenge.”
They both look outside at Dutchess. James puts his best game face on and puffs out his chest. They walk outside ready to face what’s coming for them. Dutchess is still napping (Thank God), which gives James and Ernest time to prepare her bath. James goes out to the shed to get an old kiddie pool Ernest used to use, and Ernest went to the bathroom to get towels and soap. James slowly fills the pool up making sure not to wake up Dutchess. Once everything was set for her bath, that damn dog tried to bolt back into the house. Maybe all dogs have a sixth sense when it comes to avoiding baths.
Before Dutchess can successfully get into the house, Hugo grabs her, picks her up as best he can, and moves her to the makeshift bath. There was lots of struggling on her part. It did not help that she was a giant dog bigger than a toddler. It was a slow and agonizing process, but eventually she was leashed up and put in the pool.
“It looked like you guys needed some help.” Hugo said.
“Yeah, how could you tell?” James said with a smirk.
Hugo chuckled as he rolled up his sleeves. They all got down on their knees and tried to clean Dutchess. But whenever one of them tried to scrub her down. She would try to run away. She couldn’t get away because her leash was tied to the porch, but it was still difficult to wash her.
“We’re getting nowhere.” sighed James.
“Wait I have an idea!” Hugo exclaimed.
He rolls up his pants and jumps into the pool with Dutchess. Dutchess looked a lot more calm when Hugo got in the pool with her. She wagged her tail happily and let Hugo scrub her down. Seeing Dutchess calmer when Hugo got into the pool, James and Ernest decided to jump in with him. It was a tight fit, but they all managed to sit comfortably in the pool with the dog.
While rubbing some soap on Dutchess, James ended up getting a little bit of soap on Hugo’s nose.
“Are we cleaning me now?”
“Yes.” Ernest replied as he slapped a handful of soap on his father’s face.
Hugo took his hand and wiped off most of the soap on his face. He still had a bunch of soap caught on his moustache.
“Son… You’re going to regret that.” Hugo darkly said with a sinister smile.
Before Ernest can react Hugo whipped out the garden hose and sprayed him right in the face. Ernest spit out some water while Hugo laughed. While Hugo was distracted, James saw this as an opportunity to get Hugo again. James quietly grabbed the hose and asked Hugo something.
“Hey Hugo that’s pretty funny but do you know what else is pretty funny?”
“What.” Hugo said between laughs.
“This.” James replied as he aimed the hose at Hugo, point blank range and sprayed him.
“RUN ERNEST!”
Both Ernest and James run behind the shed to take cover. They take a few breaths before peaking out from behind the shed and looking at Hugo. He’s still wiping some water from his eyes and cursing in Spanish.
“Alright Ernest what do you think we should do now.”
Ernest shrugs his shoulders and they both look around for something to fight back with. Well they could use a rake, but that strays from the theme of water. James frantically looks around for something they could use. Then James spots it. Water balloons. He grabs the pack of water balloons and shoves them in Ernest’s hands.
“Go to the water hose, Ernest. I’ll distract him. If I don’t make it out alive, make sure Hugo doesn’t touch my food. WHICH CLEARLY HAS LABELS ON IT.”
“Will do James,” Ernest said with a salute,” Godspeed man.”
They said their tearful goodbyes and James called out for Hugo.
“Hugo…Honey? I would like to call for a truce!”
Hugo peaks out from behind some of the bushes in his small garden. He narrows his eyes at his boyfriend. James puts his hands up to show that his is unarmed. Hugo warily comes out from his hiding place and comes up to James.
“There has been enough watershed this day. We must stop this before it gets too out of hand.”
Hugo looked like he was about to agree until his eyes widen and he asks.
“Where is Ernest?”
Just as Hugo turns around to look for Ernest, he gets hit right in the chest with a water balloon. Hugo looks at Ernest with fake hurt and staggers back like he’s been shot. Hugo falls to the ground and cries out in fake pain. Ernest hands James the second balloon and they nod in silent agreement. They have to finish what they started. James leans over Hugo.
“Please spare me from this awful fate!”
“It’s too late to beg for forgiveness, Hugo. It is finished.” James threw down the water balloon and it exploded on Hugo’s chest.
“Betrayed by the ones I love!” He falls back and sticks his tongue out to properly fake his death.
After a few seconds of being dead, Hugo bursts into laughter. James and Ernest fall into laughter with him. Next thing they know, they’re all on the ground laughing about their silly game. They all calm down after a while and sit in silence. James was about to doze off when he heard a car pull up into the driveway.
“Mierda!”, Hugo says as he jumps up, “I’M COMING MOM!”
Both Ernest and James follow behind Hugo, wanting to go see Hugo’s mom as well. They all go to meet her through the gate that goes into the yard.
“Madre!” Hugo exclaims happily when he sees his mother.
Hugo’s mother was trying to get her suitcase out from her trunk, but when she saw her son she immediately stopped and went over to greet him.
“Hugo! Mi hijo!,” She went up to hug him but stopped, “What happened to your clothes? Actually what happened to all of your clothes?”
They all looked down at their clothes to see what she was talking about. Their clothes were stained with mud from Dutchess. Hugo was especially wet from the dog bath and the water fight. They were covered head to toe in grass stains and Hugo had a little piece of a water balloon stuck to his moustache. James took that off before Hugo’s mother could really notice it.
“Uhhhh… It’s a long story mom, and we’ll explain it after we get cleaned up.”
“Hugo… dear didn’t I teach you to clean yourself up?” Hugo’s mom said with a teasing smile.
Hugo blushed.
“Mother please… not in front of these two. They’ll make fun of me for days.
“He’s right.” Ernest said.
“Maybe that will make you remember to clean yourself, young man.”
Hugo blushed even harder as everyone including his mother laughed at him. After the laughter died down, Hugo’s mother brought out clean clothes everyone could change into. Hugo was actually forced to wear a new wrestling t-shirt his mom brought him. She said that it would look so cute on him. James agreed with her. They all sat down at the dinner table and mostly laughed at Hugo as his mother told interesting mishaps from his youth. James and Ernest never let Hugo live down this day.