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Prologue
Jack always took the last shift, watching over his kids, right before the sun was up and the day started. A time he liked for the quiet, while the night chill and peace filled the still air.
Teal'c had awakened him and sat with him for an hour before retiring to his tent. PX9-624 was a break for them all. Daniel got to play with a ruin of something or other. Carter got to analyze the soil, which seemed to have traces of varying degrees of naquada in it. He and Teal'c stood guard over them. That was fine with Jack.
They were camped about two klicks from the tumbled-down rocks, on one of the few relatively flat surfaces they had been able to find.
"What the hell --" A flash of light had Jack on his feet, his P-90 already coming up. Before he could call out a warning the light flashed again and he was taken.
Jack stood in a circle of light, holding his weapon tightly; nothing else was visible around him. A flash of fear went through him before anger took over. "What the hell is going on here? Where is my team? For that matter, where am I?"
"You will speak to us," a disembodied voice told him. It sounded female and metallic, but he couldn't tell anything else.
"Not until you tell me where they are." He needed to know they were safe, then he'd talk to these... whatever they were.
"They are unharmed."
Nothing in the inflection or tone inspired confidence in Jack. "Where are they?"
"They have not been moved or harmed."
"Who are you and why have I been brought here?" Jack demanded, belligerence and anger filling his tone. He felt a sting on his neck, as if a bug had bit him. He slapped at it, and it faded quickly. "What was that?"
There was no answer.
"What is your name and where are you from?" the voice asked.
He looked around, but could see nothing past the circle of light he was standing in. "I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill, from Earth. I want to know what's going on. Right now."
"All will be revealed in time."
"Yeah, I've heard that before," Jack muttered, looking at his watch. He had another two hours of watch left, and wondered how long it was going to take Carter to figure out what had happened to him. "I want some answers."
A light flashed and he stood in a featureless corridor with a single door to his right. He was dressed in basic olive fatigue pants and a black t-shirt. Jack knew that Teal'c was waiting for him on the other side of the door. "What's going on here?" he called, but got no answer.
A formless nudge on the small of his back propelled him to the door. It opened under his touch.
A multitude of candles bathed the room in a yellow glow. Teal'c stood as he came in. "At last, O'Neill, you have come to me."
Vaguely, Jack felt that there was something he should be asking his colleague, something he was missing here, but for the life of him, he couldn't think of what it was.
As he looked at Teal'c raw desire sliced through him. For a moment, confusion swamped him, making him dizzy as he tried to sort out what was happening. He knew this was wrong, knew he shouldn't be having such feelings for Teal'c -- or any man, for that matter -- but even as he tried to capture the thought, it slipped away, leaving him with only his want, his need for what Teal'c was offering.
Turning toward Teal'c, he smiled tentatively, still not quite sure about what he was doing or why, but knowing he had to do it. "You've been thinking about this for a while?"
Teal'c nodded solemnly; a small smile touched his full mouth, softening his whole face. "It is the way of warrior-brothers among my people."
Okay. That was unexpected, unthought of before this moment, but Jack could accept it and did. "How do we do this?"
"As one warrior to another."
That didn't tell him anything, and unfortunately, he needed to be told. As much as he wanted to do this, and at this point, he no longer questioned why he wanted to, he didn't have a freakin' clue *what* to do.
His confusion must have shown, because Teal'c smiled gently. "Have you never?"
Jack shook his head, feeling his cheeks heat slightly, but desire pushed his embarrassment away. "No. It's not done in our military." Not like this, anyway.
"Then I am doubly honored." Teal'c bowed slightly and took a step forward, thick fingers sliding along Jack's neck to nudge him closer.
Tilting his head up slightly, Jack accepted the kiss, surprised at how sweet it was, how gentle. He'd never considered what kissing a man might be like, but if he had, he would not have thought of tenderness, not between warriors.
Reaching out, he tugged on Teal'c's t-shirt, pulling it up so that he could touch warm skin. His hands moved in slow strokes across the heavily muscled stomach, and he traced the pattern of the X with a finger. Briefly, he wondered if Junior would make an appearance, but pushed the thought aside with a shudder of distaste. He didn't want to know or think about the possibility of that.
Teal'c groaned. "O'Neill, this would be easier if we were undressed."
"I like a man with a plan." Jack stepped back and pulled his own t-shirt over his head.
Before Jack could start on his belt, Teal'c reached out and ran a hand down his chest, carding through the hair, stroking over his nipples and then gathering him close. Jack sighed, lifting his mouth to Teal'c's for another kiss. Arousal flamed with each light touch of Teal'c's thick fingers. Closing his eyes, Jack gave himself over to the heated sensuality, the controlled power of his touch.
"Do not be nervous, O'Neill. I will not harm you."
"Not nervous." Jack breathed in deeply, reveling in the smell and taste of something he hadn't even realized he wanted. Here and now, in this time, he did. He wanted.
Teal'c stepped back, pulling off the rest of his clothes quickly, and Jack took a moment to admire. Magnificent. Jack had seen a lot of naked male bodies in his life, but few if any could come close to the musculature or power of Teal'c's.
A flash of fear and confusion went through Jack, but dissipated before he could get a grasp on it, and he wondered briefly, very briefly, where it had come from.
Dispensing with his pants, Jack stepped close to Teal'c, touching his warm skin with tentative fingers. "Okay?"
"Yes. Very much so, O'Neill." Teal'c pulled him close, and then backed him against the wall behind him.
It had been too long since he'd touched anyone, too long since he'd been held or touched. Teal'c's hands became more frantic, moving along his body, creating more sensations, more awareness, more wonder. Jack went with it easily, abandoning himself to it, giving himself over to the caring that came from Teal'c's hands on him.
Moving a hand between them, Teal'c brought their dicks into alignment, and held Jack to him more tightly, thrusting gently to show Jack the way.
Pleasure shot through him with each movement; he returned each movement measure for measure. Teal'c's arms tightened around him, and Jack followed suit, picking up the rhythm, sensations flooding him as their bodies ground together. It didn't take long; the bliss built quickly to critical mass and rushed outward. Jack cried out -- passion, joy, and light cresting between them. Teal'c's low rumble followed Jack's cry and wetness splashed on their bellies.
For a moment, they held each other, breaths mingling, their sweat cooling. Jack looked up, meeting Teal'c's eyes, seeing his pleasure.
"Thank you, O'Neill," Teal'c whispered softly, leaning forward for one more surprisingly tender kiss before releasing him and stepping back.
Jack smiled and stroked a hand over Teal'c's broad shoulder, his mind still trying to make heads or tails of what he'd just done. As he bent to pick up his pants, the light flashed again.
Jack stood in another corridor, wearing his dress blues along with his cap and shades, momentarily confused as to how he'd gotten there. "What?"
There was a door in front of him, and that invisible nudge in the small of his back, sent him through it. He knew he should be wondering just what was going on, but the thought was elusive and he couldn't hold on to it.
On the other side of the door, he found Carter, dressed in what looked like a Victoria's Secret special: miles of red silk. She turned slightly and Jack could see the lacing across her back that pulled the silk taut. He didn't have to wonder where his desire came from; it was immediate and profound. Although some part of his mind told him that this was not something he'd ever imagined her in, he didn't care; she looked amazing. As his blood heated and his heart sped up, he knew he shouldn't be doing this, not with Carter, not now; it wasn't right. But the more he tried to concentrate on the wrongness, the more his thoughts drifted away, leaving him with only his desire.
The way she was looking at him turned his blood to fire.
"Jack?" she said, coming forward, gown flowing around her.
"Oh, yeah." He moved toward her, letting her take him into her arms and kiss him. Her tongue touched his lips, and he opened his mouth, inviting her in. He'd always found her attractive, since the first moment he'd seen her, in the briefing before the second trip to Abydos. He'd known at the time that he couldn't, wouldn't, be able to act on his desire. He knew it now. The why was important, but he couldn't dwell on it, couldn't think about it, could only know that this was what he wanted.
Carter stepped back, first tossing his shades aside and then reaching for the buttons on his uniform jacket. When he would have shrugged it off, she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
"Keep it on." She opened his shirt and ran her hands down his chest, fingers sliding through his chest hair slowly.
In uniform? Cool. He could so do that. Smiling broadly, he slid one of the straps off her shoulder, kissing the skin he'd bared. Moving down slowly, he cupped her breast with his hand and licked her nipple. She arched against him, purring.
Oh, yeah, this he could do.
"God, I've wanted you for so long," Carter murmured, moving against his mouth.
"Me, too." Bending her backward slightly, he moved on to her belly, slowly shoving the silk down as he went. They were going to lose their balance fairly shortly, Jack realized, and he lowered them both to the bed, pulling off the nightgown as he did so.
He looked down at her, delighting in her beauty. He'd always known she'd look like this: strong and sleek and blonde. As he settled beside her, she raised her head to kiss him, mouth molding to his, tongue stroking, darting, playful.
Caressing her skin slowly, carefully, with his hands and then his mouth, Jack worked his way downward. She was amazingly responsive to his touch, groaning and straining, turning him on more and more with the little sounds she made as he touched her. Moving lower, he pushed her thighs apart to taste her intimately, and felt her go over the edge.
"Mmm," Carter murmured a few seconds later, stretching luxuriously. "I knew you'd be like this, so gentle. So good."
"Thanks." He continued to use his tongue to tease her until she was pleading for more.
Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close and then on top of him. Carter's fingers worked his belt and zipper, pushing his pants down only far enough so that she could free him. Straddling him, she took him inside her. As the heat and sensation rushed at him, Jack arched his neck, crying out. The glory of the moment was overwhelming and it was all he could do to keep sane and not come. She moved on him, slowly, carefully, and all too soon he felt the pleasure cresting in a wave that nearly drowned him in the intensity of the bliss.
Carter's head went back and she cried out, her insides spasming around him, pulling more pleasure out of his already pleasure-wrung body.
She collapsed onto him, breathing hard and fast. "Damn, that was excellent. Just like I thought it would be." She kissed him again, slowly, and he savored it.
Moving off him, she ran a hand over his chest. "Can't seem to…seem to stay awake..."
"Shhh," Jack whispered. "Sleep."
When she closed her eyes, he sat up and realized he still had his shoes on. Before he could do anything else, the light flashed.
Jack should have been used to it by now, but he was startled to find himself in a third corridor, wearing the black silk robe that Sara had bought him when they first were married and nothing beneath it. The robe came to his ankles and he'd never owned anything so long or so fine. He'd always loved it, but after Sara had left him, he'd put it in the back of his closet and tried to forget about it. Jack felt the inevitable nudge in the small of his back.
Daniel turned around as he came through the door, smiling shyly, dressed in worn jeans that hugged his body and a white dress shirt. Jack had to admit that Daniel looked good in the clothes, in a way that he usually didn't notice. Attractive. Sexy.
Daniel glided forward, coming to a stop in front of Jack. Reaching out, Daniel's hand slid slowly over Jack's jaw, fingers fanning, pulling Jack forward into the kiss.
For a second, Jack thought about resisting, about objecting to the kiss, but arousal blossomed sharply and, not questioning why, he surrendered to the desire instead.
Daniel's tongue tenderly explored the depths of his mouth, lips molding to his, hands holding Jack in place, and then moving beneath the robe to dislodge it. It slid sensuously down his body, and Daniel caressed him, with remarkable tenderness.
"I love you so much, Jack," Daniel whispered into his mouth. "So damned much."
Part of his mind accepted that as a given, while another part questioned why he wasn't surprised to find out Daniel was in love with him. Neither question survived the assault of Daniel's tongue on his neck.
Jack arched his throat back, giving better access, and completely dismissed all thoughts from his mind. It didn't matter if this made sense or not. It felt so good, so right, that he wasn't going to argue with his good luck.
Falling to his knees in front of Jack, Daniel nuzzled his groin, breathing in deeply, before gripping Jack's hips in a tight hold and kissing the head of his dick. Daniel bent his head forward, licking along the length, and Jack shuddered, reaching out to brace a hand on the wall. He cried out raggedly as Daniel's mouth engulfed him in moist heat.
Oh, God. Good. Hot. Jack rocked forward, trying to hold back, but Daniel would not allow him to, urging him to thrust. His mouth and throat opening, Daniel took all of him, hands pressing Jack forward, encouraging him to move without restraint. Because he could not do otherwise, Jack thrust hard, losing himself in the sweet fire of Daniel's mouth and Daniel's touch.
Pleasure built, doubling and then easing back, only to build again until Jack was sure he could no longer stand it. Jack's head dropped back and he cried out in ecstasy, wanting nothing more than to bury himself forever in Daniel's mouth.
When the world righted itself, he blinked in awareness, surprised to find he was lying belly down on the bed, with a naked Daniel leaning over him, his hands slowly caressing him.
"I love you, Jack," Daniel whispered again, hands smoothing over Jack's back, massaging, stroking, slow and easy. "So much."
"Yeah." Jack's brain tried to ask something, tried to figure out what was going on now, but the rest of his body overruled it and he sank back into Daniel's touch.
Beginning with the nape of his neck, Daniel licked slowly down his back, paying attention to each vertebra, sucking on each individually before going on to the next one. Sensation shimmered through Jack, his breath catching and his heart pounding. Good. This was so good. Unbelievably good. Unbelievably right. He couldn't believe how quickly he'd started to harden again, just from having his back licked.
When Daniel finally reached the small of his back, he nuzzled the area languidly, nipping at the swell of his ass. Jack was surprised when Daniel continued down rather than going back up. Spreading the cheeks of his ass carefully, Daniel dipped his tongue along the crease. As Daniel's tongue made contact with and then pressed into Jack. Jack moved up into it, calling out incoherently. Beyond pleasure, beyond knowing, beyond understanding, sensation took him completely outside of himself on a wave of pure wonder.
"Please, please, please," Jack begged, not even sure what he wanted, only knowing that he had to have it now or he would surely die of the lack.
An arm slid under his belly, petting his hip, then pulling him up onto his knees. "Shhh, Jack. I've got you. I love you. So much."
And then Daniel's fingers were in his ass, deep, stretching him, increasing rather than decreasing his pleasure. Jack moaned pitifully, thrusting back, begging again, until Daniel positioned himself behind Jack and pressed gently into him. It hurt, a lot, but not enough to stop the raging desire inside him, not enough to make him want Daniel to stop.
Daniel moved on him, in him, hips angling down, pressing into a spot that shot pure bliss through Jack's whole body. He moaned, pushing back, needy, wanting, craving the pleasure.
Too sweet to last, the rapture broke, leaving him screaming in satisfaction, falling down, down, down, until he could not see or hear or know anything other than the exquisite ecstasy.
He lay panting, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Raising his head, he looked at Daniel.
"I love you, Jack. So much." Daniel leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. "I knew it would be like this. So beautiful."
Jack wanted to respond, say something to thank Daniel for the many gifts he'd received, but could think of nothing to say. He closed his eyes for a moment and a wave of dizziness hit him. When he opened his eyes again the light flashed.
Part 1
"Sir?" A voice tried to urge Jack back to consciousness, but he couldn't summon the strength to respond.
"Go away." Jack groaned, curling up on his side, hoping the nausea would pass in a second. When it didn't, he opened his mouth and tried to breathe deeply. That didn't work either. Then he was too busy being miserable to think about what to do about it.
"Sir!" The voice -- which he vaguely realized was Carter's and was now joined by a hand on his shoulder -- insisted on his attention, but he couldn't move.
"Don't feel so good." Why didn't she just let him die in peace? He closed his eyes, wanting to shut her out.
No good. He could hear her call out. "Teal'c, Daniel! The colonel is sick. We're going to need to get him back to the SGC, ASAP."
Jack couldn't hear their mumbled reply, and was glad Carter knew what she was doing. She was a good second in command and he knew he could count on her to take care of everything for him.
Sam shook the colonel's shoulder again, but didn't get a response. Worry and fear for the colonel shot through her, and she had to make an effort to push them back. Looking up at Teal'c as he put his pack together, she squared her shoulders. "We're going to have to take him home. Do you think you and Daniel can get him on his feet?"
Teal'c nodded. "If not, we will carry him." He signaled to Daniel to join him. Together they managed to get the delirious colonel on his feet and moving toward the gate.
"Did he seem sick when he relieved you last night?" Sam asked, taking a quick look around the camp. Nothing they couldn't leave and retrieve later.
"No. O'Neill was fine when he relieved me. I spoke with him for an hour before retiring to my tent. I heard nothing after that."
Sam nodded. "I'll go first; wait five and then come." She dialed and sent the GDO signal. If it was contagious, they all had it. However, better a little caution now than being sorry later.
"Good idea. Can't be too careful," Daniel said, meeting her eyes, and she could see his deep concern.
She nodded and stepped through the event horizon.
On the other side, she moved far enough to be clear of the gate, but not down the ramp.
"You're back early. Is there a problem?" General Hammond asked, stepping past the SFs surrounding the room.
Sam nodded. "I'm afraid so, sir. Please stay back. The colonel is coming through and he's sick. We don't know what he's got or how he got it."
"The rest of SG-1?"
"We're fine. So far."
Hammond nodded, picked up the phone and spoke into it quickly. "Dr. Frasier is on her way."
Sam nodded toward the SFs.
"Clear the room," Hammond ordered, and watched as the SFs filed out. Janet came in wearing surgical scrubs and a mask, with a similarly attired orderly following her, pushing a stretcher.
"What's wrong?" Janet asked, looking first at Sam and then at the general.
"The colonel was unresponsive, wouldn't wake up. He seemed delirious --" Just as Sam got the words out, Teal'c and Daniel brought the colonel through the gate.
The colonel groaned as Teal'c and Daniel led him down the ramp toward Janet. Sam took their six.
When Janet got close enough to look at the colonel, he vomited. Janet stepped back, but not quickly enough.
"Sorry," he groaned, sagging between Teal'c and Daniel.
Sam felt the bile rise in her throat and saw that Daniel looked green too. Of course, Teal'c seemed supremely unaffected.
Janet shook her head. "You're all quarantined until I find out what's wrong. Let's get him onto the stretcher." Teal'c simply lifted the unconscious colonel onto it without a word.
Clad in a mask and fresh gown, Janet, along with her nurse, tried to get a semi-conscious Colonel O'Neill out of his clothes. It was slow going. "Oh, hell," Janet sighed. "Let's just cut them off him."
"Boots too?"
"Not if we can help it." Janet knew the colonel would be annoyed if they ruined his boots. "See if you can just pull them off."
They got him stripped and into a gown. He came to long enough to puke on her again, then apologized before slipping back into a delirious stupor.
A complete examination showed no sign of any damage or abuse and Janet dismissed the nurse before she started to question the colonel.
"Colonel?" She slapped his face lightly, trying to make him stay conscious long enough to get some answers.
"What?" His eyes focused on her for a moment.
That was all she needed. "Stay with me, Colonel. What happened last night?"
"Last night?" He shook his head, as if he were trying to clear it. "Nothing."
"Did you eat something from the planet?" Her present hunch about what was wrong with him was food poisoning of some kind. But it wasn't like the colonel to eat something unidentified. Usually he was very careful about such things, more so than the rest of his team.
"No. Had sex last night." The colonel's eyes unfocused again and he slumped back on the bed.
O-kay. That was also completely unlike the colonel. He simply never did something like that. Well, actually he had. But years ago. Even though it hadn't been his fault, he'd almost paid a very high price for it, too. She could not imagine that he'd done it again.
Sitting him up straight, she slapped him again. "Come on, Colonel. Who did you have sex with?"
"Teal'c," he said, his eyes starting to close. She shook his shoulder. "M'awake."
"You had sex with Teal'c?" She tried to keep her voice steady, but that was quite frankly the absolute last thing -- person -- she'd expected him to name.
"And Carter."
Janet bit back a shocked gasp. "And Sam?"
The colonel nodded, his face starting to look grayish-green. "And Daniel."
"You had sex with your whole team?" She shook her head. The colonel was in good shape, but he was still forty-five years old. Where would he have gotten the stamina?
"Not at the same time." The colonel was starting to fade again and this time she let him go.
Very glad she'd conducted the interview in private, she left the room and ordered complete physicals for the rest of the team members.
Daniel found Teal'c sitting in the commissary, eating green Jell-O, and wondered again how Teal'c could stand it. Sitting down next to him, Daniel took a sip of his coffee and winced. God, it was awful. He didn't usually buy coffee here, not if he could help it, but he'd run out of beans again.
"Daniel Jackson, are you well?" Teal'c didn't quite smile, but his eyes were warm with welcome.
Daniel nodded, smiling at him. "Yeah, Teal'c. Worried about Jack."
"I am as well." Teal'c took a final spoonful of green Jell-O, obviously savoring it.
"Did you think Janet's physical was, um, a bit thorough?" Painfully, embarrassingly, thorough. Daniel shuddered. At least it had momentarily taken his mind off Jack, even if he couldn't understand the need for it.
"I did."
"Any thoughts as to why it might have been necessary?" Daniel wondered if it didn't have something to do with Jack, but he could not imagine what.
"I know of no reason." Teal'c met his eyes. "Perhaps something has occurred that she wished to test for. Have you spoken with Major Carter?"
Sam? Why would he think of her specifically? Oh. Oh! "You think something happened to Sam that would require... such intrusive tests on us?"
"I think it is one possible explanation for requiring such tests."
Daniel did a quick mental run-through of the morning's events again. "But Sam seemed fine this morning. She would have said something, don't you think?"
"I believe that she might have." He was silent for a moment. "Then O'Neill perhaps?"
That made as little sense as something with Sam, except that Jack *was* sick. "I don't know and Janet isn't talking."
"Dr. Frasier will tell me nothing, either, nor will she allow me to remain in the infirmary." Teal'c sounded put out by the last one.
"Me neither. I hate the thought of Jack waking up there alone." Whenever one of them was down there, Jack stayed, even if the problem was just something minor. No one on Jack's team ever woke up in the infirmary alone. It said a lot about Jack's command and Daniel appreciated it. One of the many things he loved about Jack O'Neill.
He and Teal'c sat in companionable silence for a while and then he got up and left for his office, stopping by the infirmary on his way back, but getting no answers out of Janet or anyone else. He marched out in a frustrated huff.
"Come on, Colonel. Wake up." Janet slapped him again, this time with more force. She hated to use this method, but it seemed to be the only thing that kept him alert long enough for answers.
"What. Five more minutes, Sara," the colonel muttered, trying to turn away from her and curl back up on his bed.
She held on. "Now, Colonel." Colonel O'Neill's eyelids opened halfway and he focused on her. "Good. Colonel. Tell me again what happened last night."
The colonel sighed. "Told you. Had sex with my team."
"All of them?"
"No. Told you. Separately." The colonel started to nod off again.
Janet shook him, hard. "Stay with me, Colonel. How did you have sex with them?"
"Seemed like a dream, but not. Wasn't a dream. I can remember it. Kind of, remember it." The colonel's words were not quite slurred, but not sharp, like he wasn't quite with her, like he was drunk.
"What was it? How did it happen?"
"Was in a corridor, Teal'c waiting for me... In our base dress, fatigue pants and t-shirts. We are warrior-brothers, he said. It was nice."
"And then what happened?"
The colonel described the encounter between himself and Teal'c in detail, unrepentant and unembarrassed by what had taken place.
Janet felt like a voyeur even though she knew it hadn't happened. To the colonel, it had been real. Or a very real dream, at least.
"And what happened with Major Carter?" Janet asked, when the colonel fell silent.
"Carter? She was wearing Victoria's Secrets... red silk thing." He looked up at her then and smiled that guy smile. Janet waved him on. "Me in dress blues. Was hot, very hot." Again he told her simply, unembarrassed by what he thought had happened. Then his eyes closed.
"And Daniel?" she asked, glad the colonel was still talking, though she could see he was starting to fade out and looked a little green.
"Wearing Sara's robe... "
"Daniel was wearing your wife's robe?" Okay, that was very bizarre.
"No. Faded jeans... Looked good, too... sexy. Sucked me, fucked me... liked it... felt so good." His eyes stayed closed this time, and he was fighting to stay conscious.
"What were you doing?"
"Did whatever they wanted me to... Felt good...very good. Don't feel so good now ..."
Janet held the pan as he tried to throw up again. She put a cool cloth against his head, feeling sorry for him. The dry heaves were almost worse than vomiting. As long as he didn't stay conscious long, he was okay, but he was sick otherwise. She felt bad that she'd kept him awake this long, knowing the results, but what he'd told her was important.
As she thought about what he'd said, she realized that she'd heard one of those scenarios before, but only remembered the vaguest details now. She'd need to check it out further.
After Janet made sure the colonel was as comfortable as possible, she went to Sam's office.
"Janet? Is the colonel all right?" Sam asked, looking up as Janet came in.
"The situation hasn't changed much. I want the General to send SG-1 back for samples, but he's not ready to do that yet." She could hear the frustration in her own voice. Sometimes General Hammond was more interested in the big picture than the smaller one which, she supposed, was why he was the general. "That's not why I'm here, though. I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?" Sam turned away from her laptop, giving Janet her attention, and when Sam gave her attention, it was undivided.
"Do you remember a couple of months ago, when you and I got smashed together?"
Sam blushed and smiled. "Yeah?"
"You told me about this fantasy you had about the colonel..." Janet trailed off, seeing Sam blush even harder, wishing that Sam didn't look so cute thinking about him. She felt her own cheeks heating up.
"So...?" Sam asked, eyes darting around the room as if she were looking for an escape route.
"So, tell me again." Not that she wanted to hear it, especially. Janet took a breath and forced herself to be professional.
"Why?"
"Trust me. It's not idle curiosity. What happened? What were you wearing? In the fantasy, I mean."
Sam sighed and looked down at her desk, running a finger along the surface. "That Victoria's Secret red silk nightgown. The one with the lacing up the back. I coveted that thing for months, but I could never justify buying it. Who would see it, anyway?"
Looking away, Janet nodded, blinking her eyes a couple of times. She wanted to tell Sam that she could wear it for her anytime, that she'd pay a year's salary to see Sam in that nightgown.
Pushing the thought away as completely inappropriate, Janet cleared her throat. "What was the colonel wearing?"
"Janet? This is too weird. Why do you want to know?" Her eyes were wide, and her face flushed; Sam's stare bored into Janet. "I need to know why."
"I can't tell you now. You're going to have to trust me," Janet said, putting her hand over Sam's and squeezing. "Please."
Sam's eyes met hers, and they softened a little. "I do trust you." She took a breath. "The colonel was wearing his dress blues. Cap and shades, too."
Janet nodded. She supposed he did look nice all dressed up, but she knew she didn't appreciate the sight as much as several of the other women in the mountain did. Or some of the men, for that matter. "Thanks."
"Will you tell me why at some point?" Sam asked as Janet stood to go.
"If I can." But she knew she'd never be able to tell her.
Daniel was her next stop, and talking to him was more fraught with logistical problems. She had no idea how she could put this that wouldn't sound like she was prying. Well, direct was her style, so perhaps it would serve her now.
Looking up as she came into his cluttered office, Daniel smiled sweetly at her. "How's Jack?"
"The same, I'm afraid."
"Still in isolation?" He sounded hopeful, but the colonel wouldn't be seeing anyone for a while yet.
"Yes." She sat down on the stool by his desk. "I have something to ask you and it's going to sound strange, but humor me, okay?"
Daniel's eyebrows rose, but he nodded. "Okay."
Janet took a breath and squared her shoulders. No other way except straight ahead. "Tell me your favorite fantasy about the colonel."
She had to give him credit; Daniel's eyes stayed on hers, even if they did widen. "Um... what exactly makes you think I have a fantasy about Jack, let alone a favorite one?"
"Just a guess," Janet said, letting the fact he was blushing furiously pass without a comment.
"Bad guess. I don't normally have fantasies about my best friends." Daniel's eyes dropped to his desk, and his arms crept up to rest at his waist.
She really hated to do this to Daniel, but she needed the information. "I could argue this with you, but the colonel's life is at stake, so I need you to answer my question."
For a second, she thought he'd argue again, but he didn't. Standing abruptly, Daniel pushed away from the desk and turned his back on her. "What do you want to know?" he asked, sounding hurt, upset. "And why?"
"What happened in it? What were you wearing in it?" Janet asked, watching Daniel's back straighten and grow tense.
Daniel sighed and his head dropped forward. "Jeans and a white dress shirt."
Which she was sure would look excellent on him. "The Colonel?"
"A black robe."
"A specific one?"
"He's got a long silk robe hanging in the back of his closet. I asked him about it once, but he would only say that it had been a gift from Sara and that he didn't wear it anymore."
Janet wanted to ask what Daniel had been doing in the Colonel's closet and why he had been *able* to ask, but those were things that she didn't need to know. "Can you tell me what happens? You don't need to go into the details, but a general overview."
"An overview, of a fantasy." Daniel's voice held perfect disbelief.
"Daniel, please. It's important," she said, filling her voice with entreaty, trying to convey that it was important, even if she couldn't explain why.
Silent for a long time, Daniel finally let out a long sigh. "Fine." Without looking at her, he described his fantasy in detail, telling her exactly what happened and to whom.
She had to give Daniel credit for imagination, though she privately thought that even if Daniel did manage to talk the colonel into bed -- which she thought could happen -- she couldn't see Jack O'Neill willingly allowing anyone to have that kind of control over him.
"Thanks. It's important." She put a hand on his shoulder as she stood.
Turning around, Daniel finally looked at her. "Do you want to tell me why or how?"
"Not yet." Not at all.
Janet slumped into her chair. Talking with Teal'c had been anticlimactic. He didn't seem to have a problem describing in cool terms exactly what he wanted to do with the colonel. While she'd assumed Sam's interest, and had guessed at Daniel's, she wasn't sure why she found Teal'c's so disturbing. Perhaps it was just that the colonel could inspire such -- she struggled for a word to use, and "interest" seemed the tamest she could come up with -- in his team, when she didn't see it. Not that she found men that attractive in general, but she really couldn't see it with the colonel.
Looking back at her notes, she was pretty sure she'd pieced together what had happened, but she didn't know why or how or to what purpose or, most importantly, whom. Now she needed to have a talk with the general.
Pushing herself to her feet, she changed jackets.
"Sir?" Janet said as she went into the general's office. She was going to have to walk a fine line between the colonel's privacy and the team's health.
Working for the SGC had made that difficult in some respects. The individual's rights often had to be subjugated to the security of the base, and sometimes the world. So often, they had no idea what they were dealing with, or what the threat was or potentially could be.
"How's Colonel O'Neill?" the general asked, looking very concerned.
She knew that the general had a very soft spot for his recalcitrant colonel. Jack O'Neill was an enigma: loyal, stalwart, and tactically brilliant, but with a mouth that should have had him court-martialed out of the service long ago. Yet there he was, commander for the flag-ship team on what was arguably the most important project in the military with a general who would go a long way to protect him. All kidding aside, there were times when Janet didn't know what to make of him.
"That's what I'm here to talk about. He shows signs of food poisoning of some kind, but nothing I've given him relieves it. We're pumping him full of fluids, keeping him hydrated by IV, but until I know what he ate, I'm not going to be able to give him the proper antidote."
"Is he conscious?"
"He drifts in and out. Coherent when he's awake, but that seems to make him sicker." Janet wasn't going to mention how many times he'd thrown up on her today, but it was a new record.
"The rest of SG-1?" the general asked, meeting her eyes and surprising her by letting his fear show through his normal calm.
"Show no sign of anything. And they all ate the same rations."
"Did Colonel O'Neill eat something else?"
"Not that I've been able to ascertain." She looked down. "There's something else, too. I hesitate to mention it because it involves the colonel's privacy."
"Off the record, then?"
She nodded. "It's going to have to be." But she was silent for a while, gathering her thoughts.
"Doctor?"
"He said he had sex last night."
The general's eyes widened, surprise showing through. "With whom?" He held up his hand. "No. Wait. I'm pretty sure I can guess."
Janet couldn't keep the shock off her face. She knew she shouldn't ask, knew she should tell him what information she had and let this go, but she couldn't help herself. "Who do you think he had sex with?"
With a flush staining his cheeks, Hammond shook his head. "We shouldn't be discussing this, even off the record." He sighed, glancing down at his folded hands. "But I've known for some time that Dr. Jackson and ..."
"The colonel?" she prompted, embarrassed by the general's embarrassment, but willing to see it through, even though they should not be talking about this.
The general nodded. "Have feelings for each other."
Janet shook her head; nothing got by the general. Everyone on base took bets on what the colonel's true relationship with Daniel was. "I don't think that's it; not all of it, anyway."
"Then what is it?" He seemed to be losing patience, not that she could blame him.
She looked down at his neat desk, and then back at him. "He said he had sex with his team, all of them."
"Good God. How did that happen?"
"That's just it; it didn't. Happen, I mean. He shows no signs of having had sex, and the rest of the team denies having had sex in the last 24 hours, and also show no physical signs of it."
"Can you tell that?" the general asked, in a tone that told Janet that he didn't want to know the details.
Just as well; she didn't want to go into the details with him anyway. "Yes, sir. It's pretty intrusive, but I can tell."
The general shuddered visibly. "So what are you saying?"
"That the colonel did not have sex with anyone, as far as I can see. But he thinks he did. Believes it."
"You said he was delirious."
"He was alert when I was talking to him. Enough so that I felt I had to check it out. I know he believes it happened." She hesitated, and then somehow met the general's eyes without flinching. "There's more."
"What?" The general looked as reluctant to hear it as she was to say it. But she told him about the fantasies, leaving out most of the details.
Hammond's face was flushed bright red when she was done, but his voice was steady. "Do you think that's what made him sick?"
"I don't know. It may have. The whole situation is very odd."
"I'll say. Do the other members of SG-1 know the situation?"
Janet shook her head. "I haven't told them, but I suspect that they will figure it out sooner or later. All they need to do is talk to each other."
"Do you suggest telling them?"
"Formally, no. I think it's going to be hard enough without this being in the records." Janet would claim doctor-patient privilege if she had to. But she could see by the look on the general's face that it wouldn't be necessary. She opened her mouth to ask what to do next, and jumped as the klaxon for an incoming wormhole rang.
"There's no one expected now," the general said, already on his feet and moving toward the door.
Janet followed him.
Janet and the general reached the control room just as the wormhole established behind the iris. Sam, Teal'c and Daniel came in right after them.
"What's going on?" the general asked Sgt. Davis.
"Looks like we're getting a transmission from PX9-624. I'll put it on the monitor."
"That's the planet Jack got sick on," Daniel said, looking first at Sam and then at Teal'c.
Sam nodded. "Yes. It is."
An image of a woman appeared on the screen. She was dressed in flowing metallic fabric, and it was clear she was pregnant.
"We believe we have caused harm where none was intended. Colonel O'Neill's condition is due to our false assumption that his body could tolerate the dream-maker drugs. We wish to rectify the situation. Please return and we will do so."
The image cleared and the screen went to snow.
There was silence for a beat. "We clearly have to return to PX9-642," Sam said, turning to look at the general.
"I volunteer to return," Teal'c said promptly, to no one's surprise.
"Not alone," Daniel said, looking first at Teal'c, then Sam and then at the general.
"A moment, SG-1." Hammond looked at Sam. "Is there any other way that Colonel O'Neill will recover? Is there anything else we can do besides going there?"
Janet shook her head. "I've tried everything I can think of."
"But you don't know for sure?" Hammond's eyes bored into hers.
As much as she hated to admit defeat, she did so when she had no other choice. "I don't think so. I think we have to take their cure."
The general sighed uneasily and looked at SG-1. "You have a go."
SG-1 was on their collective feet and out the door almost before he finished speaking.
As they came through the gate, a bright light flashed and the woman who had been in the message stood on the stone steps of the perimeter of the gate.
Sam clutched her P-90, and Teal'c raised his staff weapon. Daniel waved them back. "I'm Daniel Jackson of Earth."
"I am Lorean of Ormacron." She bowed slightly, a little awkward with her distended stomach.
"Is that the name of this planet?" Daniel asked, carefully, hoping to draw her out and learn something about what happened.
"No. We are in a ship in orbit."
"A ship? Why did you come here?"
"Why did you take Colonel O'Neill?" Sam asked, her gun remaining at the ready. "What did you do to him?"
"We required Colonel O'Neill's genetic material."
"What?" Sam's tone was outraged, and her hand tightened visibly on her weapon. "What do you want that for?"
"Why?" Daniel asked, keeping his voice calm in the face of the rage he was feeling. How dare they do this to Jack?
"Our male population has been decimated by our enemies, hoping to destroy our people. The few men left have been rendered sterile."
"So you go around the galaxy stealing sperm from people you don't even know?" Daniel could not believe that.
She looked unrepentant. "Only those who are genetically perfect."
Well, Daniel supposed if you were going to rebuild your population... What had been wrong with him or Teal'c?
She looked at him and smirked slightly. "The Jaffa was unsuitable. While your own intelligence is far above the average, it does not compensate for your inferior eyesight."
"Oh." That certainly told him, didn't it?
"How did you know the colonel was sick?" Sam asked, still looking like she wanted to drill the woman, pregnant or not.
"We observed him yesterday morning. It took us some time to determine what had gone wrong and what to do about it."
From her tone alone, Daniel could tell they hadn't wanted to interfere. "What made you decide?"
Lorean's eyes met his. "We had done harm and had to correct it." She reached into the folds of her gown, pulling out a vial of clear liquid. "Give him all of this and he will be well. But he will also remember."
Daniel stepped closer. "What will he remember?"
She shook her head. "Had the dream-maker drug worked, he would only have remembered the events as a dream, as if he were reliving a pleasant memory. Now, unfortunately, he will remember them as though they actually happened."
"What will he remember? What did you do to him?" Sam asked, stepping closer, too, impatience clouding her tone.
"Because his neural pathways were so damaged," Lorean began and then paused. "We were --"
"Damaged how?" Daniel asked, wondering how Jack could be damaged in some way and not have at least Janet know about it.
"The pathways were burned out, as if he had something taken from his brain directly. We had never seen anything like it before."
"Like the ancients' database?" Daniel muttered. Jack had seemed fine after the incident, his memory and mind intact. Janet had put him through an entire battery of tests. Even now, Jack remembered some of the things from the database, as well as bits and pieces of the ancients' language.
"I do not know," Lorean said. "But we were unable to access his own memories. We found, when accessing you and your group, there was a common..." She looked up and met Daniel's eyes, clearly looking for words. "A common memory of Colonel O'Neill that would serve our purposes."
"So you took that and fed it back to Jack?" Daniel glanced quickly at Teal'c and Sam, and then blushed as Janet's tests and questions clicked into his mind and he knew what had happened to Jack.
She looked down and then held out the vial. "We did not mean him any harm."
Daniel took the vial and opened his mouth to say something else about harm, but the light flashed and she was gone.
"Let's get back to SGC," Sam said, starting to dial the DHD.
He nodded absently. He'd have to speak with Janet as soon as he got back.
________________________________________
Part 2
Jack came to consciousness slowly, his mind reluctant to wake completely, but after a few minutes of trying to go back to sleep, he admitted defeat and opened his eyes. He had a vague memory of feeling bad, but couldn't quite grasp it. The last thing he could remember clearly was...
Oh, fuck. That couldn't be right. He poked the memory, and it held, his mind insisting it was real. Not a dream. Not that he had those kinds of dreams anyway, well, not about Teal'c or Daniel.
Daniel. Fuck again. No, not again. Closing his eyes tightly, he groaned. His memory said he'd... Oh, God. He didn't... he couldn't have... But he remembered it. He shifted a little; he didn't feel anything, but how long had he been out?
"Colonel?" Dr. Frasier's voice penetrated his confusion and misery. "How are you feeling?"
*Say it didn't happen,* he begged her silently, but if it hadn't happened, then she wouldn't know about it. If it had, wouldn't there be evidence? She would know. What were they going to do to him? What had he done to his team? He winced.
"It's okay, Colonel. It didn't happen. You're remembering a... "
"A what?" he asked, his throat too dry and scratchy to talk. "Thirsty."
"Here." She held a cup with tepid water and a straw within reach of his mouth.
He drank. It felt so good going down.
"Not too much. Nothing has been in your stomach for a couple of days." She pulled the cup away, and Jack tried to reach for it, but his arms were too heavy to easily move. A bolt of worry sliced through him. Just how sick had he been?
"What was I remembering?" The memories were very clear. If it hadn't happened, how the hell had she known what he'd been thinking? How had she known, anyway?
"Something that didn't happen." Her voice was reassuring, clearly trying to calm his fears.
Okay, if what he was remembering didn't happen, then -- "What did happen?"
"All in good time, Colonel. You need to rest now." She patted his arm and started to move away.
Taking hold of her hand, he held her until she looked at him. "I need to know now, Doc. Tell me."
Turning back, she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "You were taken by aliens who were collecting DNA for their race's survival. What you remember was..." She paused and then squared her shoulders. "Actually fantasies. None of it was real."
No need to ask whose fantasies, since what he remembered weren't *his* fantasies. "It feels real."
"I know. The drugs they gave you to make you think it was a dream made you sick instead. The antidote left you with memories of something that didn't really happen."
"Oh." He couldn't think of anything else to say. Closing his eyes, he tried to blank his mind. This was too much to deal with right now.
"Are you okay, Colonel?" Frasier asked, her voice unusually gentle.
Not opening his eyes, he nodded. Yeah, sure, you betcha. Just need some time to work through the idea.
He heard her walk away, and sighed. Perspective, he needed to get some perspective on the whole thing. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It was all in his mind?
Well, unfortunately, his mind was telling him how much he'd enjoyed what happened, all of it, and just to make an already difficult situation even more so, the part he'd liked the best was *not* the part he was supposed to have liked the best.
Fuck.
Yes, exactly. *That* was the problem.
If Fraser knew, then he could be sure that his team knew. Now he had to face them, knowing. Knowing their fantasies. That he'd been the subject of fantasies for his whole team?
God. He never really thought of himself as someone to inspire that kind of... well, lust. Still, he had to smile. Jack O'Neill, sex god. Oh, yeah. Ego stroke city.
On that note, he let himself sink into sleep.
When Jack opened his eyes again, Teal'c was standing beside his bed. He thought seriously about closing them and faking sleep until Teal'c left, but he supposed that he'd just be facing another member of his team when he finally admitted to being awake.
"O'Neill," Teal'c said, his voice perfectly neutral. "Are you feeling well?"
"Better. Thanks." He shifted in the bed, and Teal'c leaned in to help him sit up, arranging the pillows behind his back. "I've heard that a lot has gone on since I've been out of action."
"Indeed." Teal'c just stood there, looking at him, waiting for him to say something or not.
"I remember. All of it." Well, except the part about the aliens. But he could take that on faith -- who would make that up? "None of what I remembered happened?"
Teal'c's eyebrow rose. "It did not. You are remembering our fantasies as if they were true events."
"Are you okay with this?" He wasn't even sure he had to ask. Whatever Teal'c might be feeling, he would never let it show or have an influence over the team.
"I am. Are you?"
Jack breathed out sharply. "I'm... okay. I need to think it through some more. But..."
Meeting his eyes in that direct way he had, Teal'c asked quietly, "Are you uncomfortable with the knowledge? If you are offended, I can request reassignment--"
"No. Not a chance. I want my team intact. I just need to think about it. Work it through in my mind." Jack smiled tentatively at him. "For the record, I'm flattered as hell."
"Are you interested in what I offered?" Teal'c asked, a gleam lighting his eyes, something Jack hadn't seen before, or perhaps 'hadn't noticed' was more accurate.
The whole guy/guy part of it should have been making Jack twitchy, he knew that, but it wasn't. What had happened between him and Teal'c was, after a fashion, an extension of their friendship, their feelings for each other. While he would not have chosen it, nor did he really want to repeat it, having done it once was... well, okay.
Jack blushed, glancing down at the sheet, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. He didn't want to hurt Teal'c, not for anything, but he also didn't want to give him false hope. "This wasn't about love, was it? More in the line of warrior-brothers, heat of battle kind of thing, am I right?"
Teal'c nodded, eyes losing some of their animation. "That is correct. On Chu'lak, it could be a love relationship. For me, it is not."
"Teal'c, you have to know that you're one of my closest friends." He looked up at Teal'c, who nodded. "Even without the gender issue, I don't have casual encounters." Not anymore, not in years. They had almost always left him feeling more hollow than the unquenched desire.
"I understand." Teal'c looked disappointed. Well, as disappointed as he ever looked, but he didn't look surprised. "Dr. Frasier said you will be able to leave the infirmary in a few days."
The abrupt subject change made Jack's head spin, but he went with it. "That's good. I hate it here."
Teal'c nodded again, falling silent.
A few minutes later, Dr. Frasier came in and shooed Teal'c out.
"When can I get out of here?" Jack asked in his best whine. He had no hope that it would work on her, but he couldn't let the doc get complacent.
"Don't get your hopes up, Colonel." She smiled, but Jack knew way better than to trust that smile. "I need to do a full work-up. You've been very sick. I've only just allowed you out of isolation."
"Soon?" He met her eyes, hoping to convey how badly he wanted to go home.
"We'll see." She snapped on rubber gloves and pulled down the sheet he was under. "Let's have a look at you."
Jack shivered, and not from the chilliness of the room.
While the doc examined him, Jack entertained himself with the thought that she, too, had secret sexual fantasies about him. He snorted at that idea.
"What?" she asked, concern in her look and tone. "Did I hurt you?"
He shook his head and couldn't quite control a blush. "No. I was just thinking."
"About what?"
Like he would tell her. "About... nothing." He gave her a friendly leer, wiggling his eyebrows.
She scowled at him. "Not on your life, fly-boy."
Jack tried to pout, but then grinned. Well, he supposed that not everyone was going to recognize his new status as a sex god immediately. He grimaced when she hit a particularly tender area on his stomach. When she looked at him again, he shook his head. Not worth mentioning.
"Colonel," the doc said sternly. "This is no time to play macho man. If something hurts or if you don't feel well, you need to tell me."
"No. I'm fine. Really." He gave her his best 'would I lie to you?' look, though he could tell she didn't believe it for a second. At least she didn't press him any further.
"Come," Jack called at the knock on the door. Even though he was out of isolation and almost ready to go home, he'd been kept in a private room, rather than out on the open ward.
Carter came in. "How are you feeling, sir?" she asked, not looking at him, though what she found so fascinating over his left shoulder, Jack didn't know.
"Fine. Sit." He sat up, pushing the pillows behind him. Might as well be comfortable; this was going to be embarrassing as hell.
"So?" Jack said, after a few minutes of tense silence that had him ready to climb the walls. God, how he hated these sorts of discussions, and if he could have thought of a way out of this one, he would have taken it. Where were the Goa'uld when you needed them?
"Sir?" Carter still wouldn't make eye contact with him.
"You want to talk about it?"
She shook her head. "No. I'm humiliated enough by the thought that you *know* about it."
"I more than know about it, Carter, I lived it." Carter's fantasy had been sexy as hell. And scorchingly hot. Jack felt a blush rise just thinking about it. He shifted uncomfortably.
Her face turned red and she turned away. "I know. I'm really, really sorry."
"I'm not. Well, I am, but..." Jack tried again. God, this was hard. "It sort of... well, brought some closure... you know... after last year..."
She looked at him and he saw the desire in her eyes. "I wish I had the same."
For a second, he considered it. Away from base and just one time. They could get away with that. Could he? He shook his head. No. It would not be fair to either of them. He cared deeply about Carter, but the zatark incident aside, he'd never been in love with her. And as much as he wished it were, he knew that the reverse wasn't true. "Carter, you know I think the world of you--"
"But..." she said, looking down, but not before he saw the moisture in her eyes. "But not enough."
A hollow feeling expanded in his chest. God, how he hated to hurt her. He shook his head sadly "No. Not enough."
"You said --" She cut herself off, clamping her mouth shut and looking away.
"I know what I said. I meant it. Only not just for you. For Teal'c and Daniel as well." He took a breath. "I'd rather die than leave *any* member of my team behind."
Her eyes were liquid, but she nodded. "I appreciate that you were trying to protect me. I knew that, even at the time."
Reaching out, Jack took her hand. "You going to be okay with this?"
She blinked several times and squared her shoulders. "Yes. I'm going to be fine. It's not even really what I want anymore, you know. It's just..." She took a deep breath. "I mean, it wasn't going to happen and there are... well, other fish in the sea, so to speak."
"No, it wasn't going to happen. There are other fish, for both of us."
He could see the change in her stance. Something lost, perhaps, but wisdom gained. She looked at him and her face cleared. "Really. I mean, well... I've kind of been thinking of --"
"Getting a life? Looking for a few fish of your own? Yeah, me too."
Blinking, she focused on him and smiled shyly. "Really? I mean, are you involved...?"
"Involved? No. But I think I'd like to be." Actually, that wasn't quite true, he had no clue what he wanted to do. But whatever it was, it wasn't going to be with Carter.
"With someone else?" She didn't say it like she wanted it to be her. Just the opposite, in fact. Maybe she really was trying to put the whole crush thing behind her.
He shook his head. "Yes, someone else."
Carter breathed out in what was obviously relief. "Good. I'm glad. Really."
"Yeah. Are you… you know?" He couldn't ask outright, not given their professional relationship, but as a friend he wanted to know.
"Not yet. I'm hoping. I have someone in mind." She smiled, brilliantly.
Jack smiled back, truly happy for her. Once he found out who it was, he'd have a little talk with the lucky guy, make sure he understood how lucky he was, and that to hurt Carter would be a bad idea. A very bad idea.
"When do you think Janet will let you out?"
"Not for at least another day. Though I don't know why she's keeping me. I'm fine."
Carter laughed. "She's not going to let you off-world for another week, I'm betting."
Jack groaned. "Probably not."
Jack stretched his back out, enjoying the comfort of his own bed, in his own home. The doc had finally released him, sending him home with strict instructions to rest and not show his face for at least three days. Not that he felt like doing anything, anyway. He felt strangely drained, both mentally and physically, not really sick or sore per se, just... not quite up to par.
He was happy to be away from the chill and noise of the infirmary, away from the mountain in general. Even after talking with Carter and Teal'c, he was glad for a few days to let it all sink in. He felt good about what had happened with those two; they understood where he was coming from and he understood them, too.
That only left Daniel. What could he say to him? "Oh, sorry you feel that way about me, but it's not something I can help you with." There were too many problems with that. For one thing, he knew he'd be lying. The whole situation was something he didn't want to think about. Not now.
Turning over, Jack snuggled down in the bedding, trying to sleep, trying *not* to think about it or anything else, trying to ignore his aching dick. But his brain, among other things, would not let him rest. Thoughts he'd rather not think hung in his mind like dark, ominous clouds.
Daniel was in love with him. What was worse, so much worse, was that he could not brush it aside, could not deny Daniel as he had Carter and Teal'c.
Sitting up, he glanced over at the closet door. Nothing to see in there. Nothing. But... Something drew him.
He sighed and crossed the room, pulling open the door and looking past the row of neatly hanging clothes to the very back. Reaching out slowly, he slid his hand along the sleeve, the luxurious fabric pleasing under his fingers. The robe slipped into his hands, heavy and soft.
Without thinking about it very hard, Jack pulled off his clothes and wrapped himself in the glorious silk.
Memories of Sara assaulted him, of making love wearing nothing but the open robe, of her hands on his body, of the smell of her skin. Those memories were sweet, even overlaid as they were with bitterness and regret.
But the memories weren't just of Sara anymore. No, now there were more recent memories, much sweeter memories. He had to close his eyes, groaning as his already hard dick got even harder.
He lay down on his bed, on his back, with the robe open, touching himself, slowly, trying to think of Sara or of Carter, but failing. Finally, as he let his mind go, the images that came to him were of Daniel, his hands, his mouth, his skin, working on him, inside him, taking him to a place he hadn't been before. To a pleasure he'd known, but never thought to know again. And he wanted it. Wanted what Daniel offered. Not just the sex, no, more than that, he wanted Daniel. The pleasure began to overwhelm him, his feelings and emotions, all coalescing, until, until...
Oh, God! What was he thinking? What was he doing?
Jack sat up, pulling off the robe as he swiftly climbed out of bed. Trembling with reaction and unsatisfied desire, he stalked out of the room into the bathroom. He turned the cold water on full blast. Determined to kill this before it went any further, Jack stepped under the icy spray and started to shake with the cold. His erection slowly ebbed.
He wasn't going to let this happen, he swore to himself. Daniel was his friend, his best friend, and that was it. That was all he would ever be. That was all Jack wanted him to be. But even as he thought it, there was no denying what he knew to be true -- not anymore, not at all.
Turning on the hot water, Jack slid down along the wall of the shower, wrapping his arms around his knees in hopes of stilling his shaking. The knowledge sluiced over him, turning him inside out with the certainty of his fate.
Signed, sealed and delivered.
He loved Daniel Jackson. Loved him with an emotion so strong, so amazingly all-pervasive that it could not and would not be denied.
Now all he had to do was convince Daniel of that.
Shifting the bags of warm Chinese food, Daniel hesitated outside Jack's front door, pausing for a second to gather his thoughts and take a breath of courage from the chilly night air. He was scared. Afraid that they might talk about what happened on the planet, and afraid they might not. One way or another, they had to do something about the tension continuing to build between them.
For the few days that Jack had been in the infirmary, awake, they had danced around the issue, never coming close to actually talking about it. But Jack knew that Daniel knew what actually happened, and that scared the crap out of him. It probably scared Jack, too.
The situation was impossible. Completely impossible. But the strain between them was getting worse, building on all the stress of the last year, and something *had* to give. Daniel couldn't live with it, any of it.
Last year had started out bad, with Jack and Sam doing the boy-girl thing. They'd left it unresolved and it had festered, putting a lot of strain on the team, and nearly breaking down the dynamic they had all worked so hard to attain.
It had been awful, and still hurt too much for Daniel to spend much time thinking about it. On top of the Jack-Sam thing, the revelation that he was deeply and completely in love with Jack had actually come as a surprise. Not that he ever loved any other way, but that he should love Jack at all. After all, he knew Jack was straight. Hell, *he* was straight.
Had been straight.
He'd thought of Jack as his friend, best friend in fact, right up until the moment he'd been dumped unceremoniously in favor of Sam and then been ignored for months. Just about the time he was ready to let the whole thing go, let Jack have his piece of cake, Jack had seemed to realize what a mess he'd made and taken steps to rectify it.
Then they were back, friends again, and like the good dog that he was, Daniel had forgiven him with disgusting alacrity, and without ever being asked. Somehow they had gotten back on track, and their friendship had miraculously survived.
Only problem was: now it wasn't as effortless anymore. Now, Daniel watched and waited, because if he was beaten once and continued to play, then he could reasonably expect to be beaten again, harder this time. He knew it, but could not begin to help himself.
He loved Jack. Craved his company like a drug, and having gone cold turkey once, he feared ever having to do it again. He was a fool and he knew it.
Raising his hand, Daniel knocked on the door.
It took long enough for Jack to answer that Daniel had begun to think about digging out his key, but Jack eventually did open the door, looking every one of his forty-five years.
It didn't matter to Daniel, not at all. He took a quick breath and tried hard to still the desire that rushed through him at the sight of a disheveled Jack. Even recovering from being ill, Jack took his breath away... sexy in a way no man should be.
"Hey," Jack said, stepping back to let Daniel in and sniffing the air. "What do you have there?"
He smiled at Jack, following him into the house. "Janet told me to make sure you ate. So, following orders--"
"For once in your life." Jack motioned toward the table.
"Hey, would you argue with Janet in full doctor mode?" Daniel smiled at Jack's groan. "She said you could eat what you wanted, so I got all of your favorites."
Daniel led the way into the dining room, noting the nest of blankets on the couch and the flickering of the TV set in the background. Jack got some plates out of the kitchen and a couple of bottles of beer.
"Hey, should you be drinking that?" He wasn't sure if Jack was on medication or not. Janet should have said something to him.
"It's fine. The doc said I could eat or drink what I want. This constitutes what I want." Jack handed him a bottle.
"Thanks." He didn't care for beer all that much, but as with many other things, he drank it with Jack, because Jack liked it. Of course, when they went out to dinner, Jack drank wine because Daniel liked it, so it worked out.
"Thanks," Jack sat down, already pulling the cartons out of the bag and opening them. "You didn't have to do this, you know."
"Yeah, I know. But..." Daniel trailed off.
"I know. Thanks." Jack flashed him a big grin and picked up his fork, digging into the pile of food on his plate. "Damn, this is good," he said, between mouthfuls.
The silence settled around them comfortably. For a while, Daniel let it all slide, let Jack enjoy his meal and let himself enjoy Jack's company. But part of his mission was to see if Jack was okay. He'd dodged MacKenzie on that one, and Daniel just wanted to be sure.
"Jack--" he started, hoping he could draw Jack out and get him to talk. Sometimes he was very successful at it and other times he failed miserably.
"No." Jack shook his head, not looking up. "I don't want to talk about it."
Daniel was loath to push it, but they had to clear the air, at least a little. They had to work together. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but you should."
"Daniel." Jack's tone had that note of warning that he wasn't going to be moved by this. "I appreciate your concern. But I wasn't traumatized by what happened."
"You weren't?" How could anyone be forced in that manner and *not* be traumatized? He'd been there, done that, and he'd been in pretty rough shape for a while afterward.
With a sigh, Jack looked at Daniel as if he were trying to read something there. "No. I wasn't."
"How could you not be?" Daniel dropped his chopsticks on the table and glared at Jack. "What you went through--"
"Would you rather I was?"
"Don't be an ass. I want to make sure you're okay. That you weren't hurt by..." Daniel made a gesture with his hand. He found actually saying it, well, difficult. "You're so good at hiding what you feel that you'll easily slip by that idiot MacKenzie, even Janet, and never let on that you're hurt."
"I won't get past you, will I?" It wasn't a question.
Daniel nodded, letting his face soften with the concern he felt, but keeping the other emotions banked down as well as he could. "I'd like to think I know you better. At least I hope I do." He took a breath. As much as he hated talking about it, he'd do it for Jack. "Look, I know it's not easy to talk about. The whole forced to... uh... to do it kind of thing."
Jack's eyes snapped up and he shook his head. "No. It wasn't like that."
"You were asked? You volunteered? You agreed to donate... your sperm to their cause?"
"No. No, not that."
"Then you were forced."
Looking down and not meeting Daniel's eyes, Jack shook his head again. "No. Well, yes. But I don't remember it at all. Not that way, not anything to do with the aliens."
Carefully, Daniel put his hand on Jack's until he looked up. "What exactly do you remember?"
"Having sex..." Jack looked away again, a pink stain spreading on his cheeks. "Being with the three of you."
"Living out our fantasies?"
Jack nodded.
"It wasn't forced?"
A flush crept across Jack's face. "My memory says that it wasn't."
"Even with Teal'c?" Daniel whispered then hesitating for a moment, "or with me?"
"Even then. I wanted it. I felt..." Jack's voice was soft and low, his eyes never leaving Daniel's. "I felt what I remember as real desire."
O-kay. Wow. This wasn't what Daniel had expected to hear, not at all. "Um... how do you feel about that?"
"What are you, my shrink?" Jack snapped, splintering the moment, his eyes flashing annoyance.
"No. Just your friend." Daniel sat back and folded his arms over his chest, daring Jack to argue with him.
"I know you are. But I'm fine. Really. It's not like what happened to you with the snake-bitch..." Jack trailed off, putting his fork down on his plate and pushing it away. "It was different. I told you... Really." Jack grinned. "It was... not exactly okay, but okay in a way. You know?"
"Eloquent as always," Daniel said with just the right amount of sarcasm. But he was beginning to understand. "What you remember didn't actually happen."
"No. No, it didn't. I know that. I'm okay with it."
Something in Jack's voice hit a nerve in Daniel, and he knew. "But you wish it had, don't you?"
Jack closed his eyes for one second and nodded. "Yeah. In one case, I do."
A sharp knife of regret cut into Daniel's chest, and he had to look away. "Sam?"
"Surprisingly not." Jack's tone was so soft and full of chagrin that Daniel almost didn't hear what he'd said.
Looking up, he pinned Jack with a hard stare. "Who, then?"
Jack met his gaze and returned it, measure for measure. "You."
He didn't believe that for one second. What kind of game was Jack trying to play with his head now? "You're joking."
"Am I?" Jack grinned, but when he saw that Daniel wasn't buying it, he dropped it and his tone. "Actually, no, I'm not."
"I don't... who... which..." Daniel stood abruptly. He had to move, had to get out of Jack's presence for a second. He needed to think and quickly. Picking up his plate, he took it to the kitchen, scraping it into the garbage. Then he took a deep breath.
Only because he had to face Jack, and couldn't let this go on, Daniel returned to the dining room and sat down quietly, putting both hands on the table. He could not meet Jack's eyes. "Okay, let's be clear here. This is the fantasy where I fu--" He couldn't say it. He just couldn't bring himself to say the words.
"Fucked me?" There was a lot of amusement in Jack's tone. "That one?"
His already hot face seemed to heat a few more degrees, but Daniel looked up and met Jack's twinkling eyes. "Um. Yes. That would be the one. How could you --"
"Like it?" Jack shrugged. "I don't know. But I did."
Clearing his throat and taking a breath, Daniel looked down at his hands. "I'm assuming that this is something new for you."
"Ya think?" Jack's voice sounded normal.
"I'm asking. You haven't before?" Daniel wondered briefly if he could pass out from all the blood rushing to his skin surface. "Why?"
"How the hell should I know why?" But Jack's look implied he did know something he wasn't saying.
Daniel had no idea how to get it out of him unless he was willing to tell. "You must be mistaken. I just can't believe--"
"That I liked it? That I could want it again?"
The preposterousness of the last statement finally took it home for Daniel. He tried to contain his hurt, but his eyes stung that Jack could be so callous. "Ha ha. Now I know you're joking."
Jack shook his head. "I'm serious. Why do you find that so hard to believe?"
"Well," Daniel said in his best disbelieving tone, "it might be because you're straight. As far as I know, and I think I know you pretty damned well at this point, you've never looked at a man like that."
Jack took a deep breath, looking embarrassed and reluctant. "It wasn't about a man. It's about you. About how you touched me."
He could see that Jack was serious, no joking, no sarcasm. Jack meant it. "How was that, how did I touch you?"
His face flushed, Jack met Daniel's eyes. "With love. And respect. Like I was very important to you."
God, even in his fantasies, he'd been that obvious. Daniel wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there. He looked up. "I'm going to leave now."
"Why would you do that?" Jack's tone was too quiet, too controlled. There was more coming and Daniel didn't want to be around for it.
"Uhm..." he said, feeling trapped, like the proverbial deer in the headlights. He wanted what Jack was saying to be true, but too many things in his life had turned to dust when he touched them. He could not live with that happening now. It was better that he walk away and try to forget about it than to have hope and have it destroyed.
"What?" Jack asked, voice and look gentling as he gazed at Daniel.
The legs of his chair scraped the wooden floor as he pushed it back. Daniel got to his feet. "I don't know what to say. What do you expect me to say?"
Jack stood, too, and moved to stand in front of Daniel. "Don't say anything. Just let it be."
As Jack started to reach out, Daniel backed away, his heart starting to pound unpleasantly. He could not let Jack touch him, not now, not if he wanted to survive this. "No, Jack. It's not that easy. I'm not that easy."
Taking a step closer, Jack tried to reach out for him again. "I don't think you're easy. Just the opposite, in fact."
Daniel backed up again. "Please don't. I'm not going to be your fuck-toy. I'm not an experiment." Daniel closed his eyes for a second, fighting the pain in his chest.
"I was going to kiss you."
"I won't have it." Daniel folded his arms over his chest and glared at Jack, hoping the man would buy a clue.
"Why? What have I done now to offend you? I just told you I cared about you. You're acting as if I've done something wrong." Jack sounded confused, or, worse, hurt.
Daniel wasn't going to let him get away with this. "You have. You've made a mistake if you think I'm going to let you waltz into my life and fuck it up more than you already have."
Now Jack looked angry. "And just *how* would I be doing that?"
"By using me as an experiment in gay sex."
"I don't *need* to experiment with gay sex. For crying out loud, what I need, and want..." Jack paused to take a breath. "Is you."
"Why?"
"Because sleeping with you made me feel good. Look, I thought you cared about me. It sure seemed that way in the dream."
"I do. But..." Daniel looked down. "I need more than that from you. I..." He looked back up and into Jack's eyes. "I don't have casual relationships. I mean, ever."
"I hadn't planned on marriage right away, but I don't do casual either. And you should know that."
Daniel did know that, but he was afraid and it was making him crazy. He shook his head, stepping back and hitting the wall between the kitchen and the dining room. "No. I can't."
Jack pinned Daniel with a confused look, holding his hands out at his sides. "I'm so not getting this. I would have thought you wanted it, wanted me. I'm right here, now."
A breath shuddered through Daniel. He knew he was being an ass, that he should take what was being offered with both hands, but he could not believe he was going to get that lucky. "I want, no, I need a relationship where you love me as much as I love you."
"I do care about you, Daniel. You know that I do. Deeply." Jack's eyes were all deep sincerity, all warm and brown and sweet.
But Daniel heard what he hadn't said. Caring was one thing, but love, that was what he wanted. "It's not enough. I know you care about me. But you don't love me. Not the way I need to be loved." Daniel's eyes stung as they met Jack's. "It would hurt too much to have you and then lose you."
"What would make it enough?" Jack closed the distance between them until he was standing right in front of Daniel again, but he kept his hands away, careful not to touch. "What can I do to make you see I do care about you, that I'm not just trying to get you to fuck me again?"
Daniel choked back a laugh. "I never thought that."
"What?"
"That you'd want me to fuck you again."
"Why not?" Jack grinned self-deprecatingly. "I mean, under normal circumstances, you might have had to talk me into it the first time, but even then, is there anything that you can't talk me into, given sufficient time and motivation?"
Daniel only got as far as, "Normal circumstances?"
"If I'd just fallen in love with you the normal way and not lived out your best fantasy."
"Fallen in love?" Where had that come from? Trust Jack to say it obliquely, not outright. Daniel sighed and gave him an annoyed look.
"Well..." Jack took a deep breath. "Yes. I guess that would be a good description of how I feel about you."
"Just like that? You wouldn't even say it a minute ago."
Looking down like a little boy being scolded, Jack scuffed his toes on the carpet. "It's not easy to say. I think it's probably been there for a while, but the fantasy thing sort of brought it to the forefront."
Daniel looked at him, trying so hard not to be completely charmed and failing miserably. "How can you suddenly decide you love me? You've known me for five years."
"I just did. So accept it, damn it." Jack folded his arms over his chest, and smirked. He knew he'd won.
And he had, Daniel acknowledged to himself. If Jack said he loved him, then he did. No question about it. "Okay. So are you going to kiss me?"
"I might be convinced to do that, but do you believe I love you?"
"I suppose."
"You suppose? Well, no kisses until you know for sure."
"I could kiss you." Daniel took a step forward, crowding Jack with his shoulder and smirking himself. "I will kiss you."
"Only if I let you," Jack said, sliding his arm around Daniel's waist and pulling him in closer, their mouths almost touching.
"You'll let me." Daniel leaned in too fast and their mouths collided, too hard, teeth scraping, lips not quite fitting properly. He drew back, and sighed, then leaned in again, slower this time, pressing his mouth more lightly to Jack's, both hands coming up to frame Jack's face.
The second attempt was much better, softer. Daniel's tongue traced Jack's lips in query, not quite believing how soft they were, or how sweet.
Jack opened his mouth, letting Daniel in, letting his tongue slide along to taste and press and stroke. Daniel reveled in the taste, and the sheer joy of kissing this man.
Slowly pulling back, Jack forced his eyes open. "Mmm. I knew it would be like that."
"How?" Daniel whispered, leaning and taking another quick kiss and then another.
"Like that, gentle, slow. With love. Like you meant it."
"I did mean it." He looked at Jack, trying to put his feelings into his eyes. "You do too, don't you?"
"Told you I did."
"Again?" Daniel asked, leaning forward, his hands sliding along Jack's shoulders and his mouth opening slightly.
His heart thudded hard in his chest as Jack's lips made contact with his once again. So good, so sweet, so damned loving. Pressing back as Jack's hands cupped his butt, Daniel sighed in pleasure.
Drawing away slightly, he smiled at Jack, his fingers moving down to caress Jack's ass. "I can't believe you're okay with this."
"Which part of this? I like being touched," Jack said, his hands pulling Daniel closer, and kissed him again.
"The guy part of this." Daniel nudged his hips forward, pressing his erection against Jack's thigh.
"I did notice that." Jack smiled. "I'm as okay with it as any forty-five-year-old previously straight guy can be. Not freaking out yet. But I might. Later."
At least it was honest. "Let me know. We can always stop."
"Daniel. I don't want to stop. I'll get through it."
"Making love is not something you get through."
Jack shook his head. "Nope. But freaking out is. Don't you think it's time to talk about something else?" He leaned in and kissed Daniel. "Or better yet, nothing else."
Daniel had to admit, Jack did have a way with words. "Bedroom?" he asked, stepping back.
"Thought you'd never ask," Jack laughed, and reached out to take his hand, their fingers interlacing. "Strange."
"What?" Daniel moved with him down the hall.
"To hold hands like this." Jack held up their joined fingers.
"You never held hands?"
"Not with a guy. Not with someone whose hands are as big as my own."
"I guess that's going to take some getting used to." Daniel wondered if he was going to have a real problem with it. He started to let go, but Jack wouldn't release his hand.
"No. I didn't say it was bad, just different." Jack stepped close to him.
"Okay." Still holding Jack's hand, Daniel sat down on the bed and pulled Jack to stand in front of him. He buried his face in Jack's flat stomach, breathing in the scent of him. Part of his mind didn't believe this was going to actually happen. "I don't want you to regret this."
"I'm not going to. What do I have to do to reassure you?" Jack tightened his arms around Daniel's shoulders.
"I just don't get how you can go from straight yesterday to gay today."
"I still have a few, um, gay issues to work through," Jack said into his hair, hands moving on Daniel's back in a slow caress. "How about you?"
"I've loved you for a long time," Daniel said, knowing what Jack was asking and ignoring it.
"What about anyone else?" Jack pressed harder, clearly not wanting to take an evasion as an answer.
Too bad. Daniel didn't want to go there, preferring to just keep that fact to himself. "I've loved other people."
Should have known better; Jack wasn't going to let it go. "Men?"
Even if he could have lied to Jack and made it stick, he wouldn't. It was no way to begin a relationship. "Well, um. No. Not other men."
"O-kay. That fantasy was very detailed." Jack's smile became a playful leer. "So tell me how you knew so much."
"Researched it." Daniel pulled away a little and looked up into Jack's face. When he'd realized how he felt about Jack, he'd wanted to know the details, half-hoping knowing them would end the embarrassing crush. Unfortunately, it had turned him on more than he could have previously imagined, and he'd been depressed to know that he would never get to live out those fantasies.
"Research?" Jack laughed, clearly amused by the idea. "I see. That makes sense in a Daniel kind of way. What it means is, I shouldn't be expecting you to actually know anything more than I do?"
"You've done research into this?" Wow, Daniel was impressed. Jack really did love him to go that far.
Jack shrugged and looked down, an endearing flush moving quickly across his cheeks. "I did a little surfing around the 'net. I didn't want to be too clumsy."
Daniel smiled. "I do love you. You know that, don't you?"
"I know." Jack kissed him deeply and, for a second, the whole world stopped. All he wanted to do was luxuriate in the taste, the touch of Jack's mouth and hands on him.
"Ahem..." Daniel said, pulling back after a moment and glaring at Jack. "You forget something?"
"Aw, Danny. Come on. You're not going to make me say it all the time, are you?" Jack sounded so petulant and adorable that Daniel almost gave in.
"Yes. You're going to say it." He waited a beat. "Now would be good."
Jack was silent.
"You don't want me to think you don't love me, do you?"
"No." Jack met his eyes. "I love you."
"I hope so." Daniel reached out, moving his hand up Jack's thigh. "Think we can talk about the rest of it later?"
Jack thought so, especially when Daniel's hand reached the tented front of his sweats and began stroking him through the heavy cotton. "Oh, yeah."
Taking the hem of his sweatshirt, Jack pulled it over his head. As he was reaching for the tie on his pants, Daniel's hands beat him to the punch. The pants hit his ankles and he kicked them off, standing back to let Daniel have his look. Better for Daniel to know now what he was getting than be surprised at some point in the future.
Jack knew he was no prize in the looks department -- old, gray and battered was more like it. At least his body was still in pretty good tone, though for how much longer, he sometimes wondered. The admiration in Daniel's eyes surprised and pleased him. It soothed an unacknowledged worry that his scarred ugly body could be found appealing.
"You are so beautiful, Jack." Daniel's fingers moved down his belly, tracking a line straight down, gentle and coaxing. "So damned beautiful."
Flattering as that sentiment was, Jack didn't believe it for a second. "What have you been drinking?"
"Just you." Daniel leaned forward, pressing his nose into the wiry hair at Jack's groin and breathing deeply.
When Daniel's mouth moved down to kiss the head of his dick, Jack groaned, taking hold of Daniel's shoulders to steady himself. Oh, god. He couldn't believe how good it felt, how right. Daniel's mouth on him was heaven, pure, simple and sublime. As Daniel tried to take him deeper, he felt him gag and then pull back.
"Not like the research?" Jack asked, amused. Glad they were on a more even footing than he'd first thought, even if it meant Daniel didn't have the perfect technique of the fantasy.
"I guess it's not as easy as I thought. I'll need some practice." Daniel's voice was low, and his face flushed.
He stroked his hand through Daniel's hair. "By all means, practice on me. I loved what you were doing. I'm up for some practice myself."
Daniel smiled up at him before bending his head back to his task.
Aware now of Daniel's inexperience, Jack tried not to thrust his hips, tried to hold still and let Daniel move up and down on him. It felt wonderful.
There were hands on his hips, then his butt, and then in between. Jack shuddered, intense, raw emotions assaulting him. Daniel encouraged him to move with his hands and his mouth, and he couldn't help but do so, thrusting shallowly into Daniel's warm, moist mouth.
Excitement crested, and Jack called out as he came, reveling in the heat of their combined passion.
Somehow he made it onto his bed, pulling a still-dressed Daniel along with him and kissing him deeply. There was something very sexy about tasting his own come on Daniel's mouth. "Mmm. That was..." Jack couldn't find the words to express what that had been. Except that it was real.
"As good as the dream?" Daniel met his eyes, and Jack saw he was serious.
"Better, so much better, because it was real. Nothing compares to that."
"Good." Daniel moved a little closer.
"Something I can do to help you with that?" Jack made short work of Daniel's clothes, and then laid him down again, caressed him along his belly, down, until he reached the hard dick pressing against his thigh. He had no trouble taking Daniel's dick in his hand and stroking the length, especially when Daniel moaned at his touch. Jack's heart swelled with the sound, some primal part of him pleased that he'd brought pleasure to his lover.
"Jack... " Daniel groaned. "Anything. Something. Please."
Without thinking too much about what he was going to do, Jack released Daniel, ignoring the sound of disappointment that followed. "How about some peaceful exploring?" Jack asked, moving in to lick at Daniel's neck.
"Later. Need to come now," Daniel panted, lifting his chin to give Jack better access. "Please."
"You never let me have any fun," Jack complained as he slid down Daniel's body to be eye to eye, as it were, with the object of his attention. For a brief second, Jack wondered if he could do it, but if Daniel had done it, then so could he. Jack dragged his tongue along the length, lapping quickly at the pooled slickness at the top. Smooth, bitter, slightly salty. But all in all, not too bad. He could do this.
Leaning forward, he took as much as possible in his mouth, and, surprisingly, it wasn't much. He thought of the women who'd done this for him over the years, and his admiration for them increased.
"Oh, God. Jack. Jack." Daniel repeated his name over and over.
A hand fell on his shoulder and he pulled back as Daniel started to come. He wasn't ready to do more than he had -- not ready to swallow yet, that was for sure. But maybe a taste. He looked up Daniel's body and caught his eyes. Raising a sticky finger to his mouth, he sucked on it. Daniel's eyes went round and he smiled widely. Jack licked another finger. It didn't taste too bad. Next time, he'd try swallowing.
Moving back up, he pulled a sated, sleepy Daniel into his arms. "Okay?"
"More than okay. I can't believe you did that."
"Are you going to say that every time we make love?"
Daniel chuckled. "Only the first times."
With a huge yawn, Jack closed his eyes and snuggled closer. "I'm hoping we'll get through all of the first times pretty quickly."
"There's no hurry." Daniel shifted, and Jack looked at him.
"Well, I'd like to see if it's as good as the fantasy."
Pulling away a little, Daniel put both hands on Jack's shoulders. "Do you really want to try that again?"
"Sure. Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, it's..." Daniel trailed off and shrugged. "It's a major step."
"Been there, done that and I want to try it again. S'matter of fact, I think it's next on the agenda."
Daniel looked so surprised that Jack laughed. "What?"
"What?" Daniel repeated. "I mean..."
"You seem to have a problem with me wanting this." Jack could not imagine why. If *he* didn't have a problem with wanting to be fucked, then why should Daniel?"
"No, not a problem, not exactly." Daniel shook his head, but he wasn't looking at Jack.
"Then what?"
"It's just..." Daniel sighed. "Giving me that kind of control seems... I don't know, out of character."
Jack shrugged, and then smiled, leaning in for a quick kiss. "Did it ever occur to you that I might trust you enough to give up control?"
A bright gleam entered Daniel's eyes and he looked like he might burst into tears.
"No. Don't you dare do that." Jack couldn't handle that. He hated it when anyone cried and seeing Daniel cry always broke his heart.
"Sorry." Daniel sniffed wetly. "I... uh... I don't know what to say."
"It can't have been that big a secret. I've always trusted you." Always. Jack couldn't even begin to understand why it had been so. Why a wide-eyed, brilliant geek had gotten through all of his defenses when no one else, not even his wife, had been able to come close. Daniel had done that far too easily. He'd taken up residence without asking, until Jack understood that there was no one else in the world he would consider being that vulnerable with. Only Daniel.
"Not much of a secret, no. I mean, I know you trust me in the field, but this is so much more than that."
"Or not. Daniel, if I can't trust you in our working relationship, then I sure as hell can't trust you in our private one."
Daniel smiled and leaned over to kiss him hard on the mouth. "I like the sound of that."
O-kay -- he had missed something again, not that he was complaining about the kiss. "Which?"
"Our private relationship."
Oh, that. Yeah, Jack liked the sound of it too. But right now, he had other things on his mind. Laughing, Jack ran a hand up Daniel's thigh, petting his dick until it perked up a bit. "So, you up for it?"
It was amazing to him that a thirty-five, almost thirty-six-year-old man could still blush as red as Daniel did, but he shook his head. "Jack, I don't think so."
Jack wasn't going to give up that easily. Moving his hand over Daniel's hard dick, he squeezed lightly. "Oh, I do. Nice and up," Jack said, rolling on top of Daniel and kissing him again.
For a while they just kissed, long slow kisses, luxuriating in the closeness and intimacy.
"Mmm. Jack?" Daniel said, slowly stroking up and down Jack's back. "I'm thinking..."
"Always a bad sign. This isn't about thinking, Daniel. This is about doing." Jack pressed his hard dick into Daniel's belly.
"Yeah, about that, too." Daniel stroked a hand slowly down his back and cupped Jack's butt, fingers fanning in a sweet caress.
Jack sighed in pleasure and pulled his mind back from where it wanted to go. He could tell that Daniel wanted to talk. "What?"
"I... um... was thinking, I don't want to... um... It's too soon." Daniel kind of grimaced, and then his face turned red again.
"To what?" Jack was starting to get an idea. Daniel might really not be ready for more than they had done, even if he were.
"Well, as much as you think you want this, I..." Daniel paused and licked his lips. "I really think we should wait. At least a little while."
"You already did me once," Jack said. As much as he wanted to go on, he also could see where Daniel was coming from.
"But I don't remember that. Um, it's more than that, I'm afraid of hurting you. I *haven't* done it at all. Either way. So, well, I know what moves to make, the research showed me that..." Daniel's eyes were pleading.
God, he loved it when Daniel got protective. Jack put his hand on Daniel's face, stroking over his cheek in a loving caress. "Okay. I want you to do it again now, but if you don't want to, we can wait."
Looking him right in the eyes, Daniel smiled. "There are other things we can do, fun things, sexy things. It doesn't have to be fucking. Let me show you the same trust you showed me."
Aw, fuck. Jack's eyes stung and he had to kiss Daniel then, had to let him know just what that meant to him. "Okay. So, how do you want to do this?"
"Why don't you lie back and let's see where my research leads me." Daniel's smile turned sexy, his eyes lighting up.
"Okay." He could do that, could let Daniel have his fun. Lying on his back, he closed his eyes and settled into the bed, a little more nervous than he expected to be. "Do your worst."
"Oh, it won't be my worst, not my worst at all. I promise," Daniel said, his voice low and sexy.
A pleasant chill of anticipation ran up Jack's spine and he shuddered with it. "Cool."
Starting with his hands on Jack's shoulders, Daniel trailed them slowly downward, fingers just touching his skin, skimming through the hair, over his nipples, and down his belly.
Jack laughed. When Daniel raised an eyebrow, he said, "Tickles."
"Hopefully this won't." Daniel leaned forward and pressed his mouth warmly to Jack's throat.
Closing his eyes again, Jack groaned. It felt wonderful. Daniel's mouth covered his. For a while, Jack luxuriated in deep tender kisses, long slow caresses of his body.
Unable to stay quiescent any longer, he shifted and then shifted again, moving himself and Daniel so that Daniel was spread out before him, legs splayed wide with Jack between them.
Daniel was so beautiful. There were no other words to describe the long sleek muscles, smooth honey skin and toned body.
Beautiful and his. Jack liked the sound of that. Liked it a lot. And knew with a certainty that he didn't question that he belonged to Daniel just the same. He ran a hand up Daniel's legs, over his hips, pulling him a little closer. "You're amazing."
"You don't just want to look, do you?" Daniel asked, sitting up and moving closer until he was straddling Jack's lap. "I can think of better things to do than just look."
"Looking is good, but doing is better." Jack's hands stroked along Daniel's back, touching lightly as Daniel had him, learning the texture as much as caressing it.
"Oh, yeah." His head going back, Daniel shivered a little. "Oh, that feels nice."
Since it was so nicely presented, Jack pressed a kiss to Daniel's bared throat, sucking on his Adam's apple, and then down to the hollow.
Daniel groaned softly, hands going to Jack's shoulders. Moving his hands down to the small of Jack's back, Daniel eased him backward until he was lying flat.
"You're so beautiful." Daniel's tone approached a reverence that Jack would not have believed he could inspire.
"You are so blind." He laughed, flattered despite himself.
With the same light-fingered caress as before, Daniel slid his fingers up the inside of Jack's thigh, and this time Jack groaned. Cupping his balls, Daniel held them gently, respectfully, moving his thumb in small circles.
On fire, Jack thrust his hips forward. "Oh, God. Daniel."
Looking up, Daniel raised an eyebrow in question, as if to ask what the problem was.
"Please."
"Wait for it," Daniel said, letting him go, and bending to kiss along Jack's quivering belly. "You taste so good, smell so good, make me feel so good. I didn't expect it to be so all-encompassing."
Jack would have laughed if he could have found the breath, but Daniel's mouth was nearing the region his hand had just let go. "More."
"You know," Daniel said conversationally, his fingers gliding and sliding slowly along Jack's skin, "I love it when you beg."
There had to be a reasonable response to that, Jack was sure of it, but for the life of him, he couldn't summon the sarcastic brain cells to make it. All he could do was whimper a little, trying to shift into the sensations.
Finally, he gave up, and surrendered to it. "Daniel. Danny. Please."
"Shhh. Baby. I'll take care of you." Daniel's mouth finally covered him, hands spreading along Jack's hips, holding them, caressing them. "I love you, so much."
Jack's mind shut down, and he lay there, spread out, wanting, needing, begging as Daniel's mouth pleasured him, hands stroked him, body loved him. Light and heat and sensation ruled the day, and Jack went with it, letting it take him as Daniel was taking him. He came crying out, screaming as he went down in the flames of his pleasure.
Jack opened his eyes after that stunning orgasm, not quite sure he would ever move again. "Damn."
"Good, baby?" Daniel snuggled in next to him, hands still gentle on Jack's skin, stroking through the slickness of his sweat.
Now that he was more or less coherent, he actually heard the endearment, heard and was faintly appalled. "Baby?"
A flush came over Daniel's face as if he, too, had just heard what he'd said. "Um... yeah. It's..." Daniel trailed off and looked away. "I hope you're... you know... not..."
"Offended by it?" No one had ever called him baby. He'd used it, of course, usually with someone he cared a lot about, but it wasn't a term that anyone applied to him. Still, some part of him liked it, liked what it symbolized. "No. Not offended. Surprised, maybe."
Daniel laughed, and leaned over to kiss him tenderly. "No one calls the big bad-ass colonel baby, huh?"
"Nope." Jack kissed back, luxuriating in the feel of bone-deep satiation, and Daniel in his arms. "And hopefully that bad ass isn't that big."
His hand seeking out the ass in question, Daniel smiled. "No, pretty close to perfect, I'd say."
"Who was calling whom sappy?" Jack asked with a laugh. Daniel was gone, long gone, but he wasn't going to complain.
After he'd caught his breath and his heart rate had settled back into the normal range, Jack was ready to repay in kind. "You want me to do something about that?" He nudged his hip into Daniel's hard dick.
"Don't want you to go out of your way or anything," Daniel said, his tone bordering on blasé, but not quite making it.
The want and need were too apparent, but Jack knew how he was going to play it. This time, he was going to have his fun. He wanted to savor this, savor Daniel, stretch the pleasure out as far as possible. "Oh, it's no trouble."
His eyes going round, Daniel blinked several times at him. "Well, if it's no trouble..."
"No trouble at all." Jack leered playfully. "As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure it will be my pleasure."
Both he and Daniel laughed, then as they looked at each other the laughter fell away and he kissed Daniel slowly, tenderly, letting the myriad of feelings come through in the movement of his mouth over Daniel's.
"Mmm," Daniel said as they pulled back. "I want you, as in now."
"You have me." Jack kissed him slowly, tongue sliding out to taste Daniel's mouth. His hands stroked down Daniel's long back, touching slowly, carefully. "Shhh. Slowly."
With a gleam in his eyes, Daniel shook his head. "No. Fast is good, too."
"Nope. Not this time. This time we do that peaceful exploring thing." Tenderly, Jack pushed Daniel onto his back, running his hands along Daniel's chest, over his hips and down his thighs. Daniel groaned, moving his legs apart.
"Jack, please."
"As you said to me, wait for it," Jack whispered, bending down to lick along the inside of Daniel's legs. He loved the taste of his skin and hair, and the slightly musky smell. When he reached the apex, he leaned up and cupped Daniel's balls in his hand, testing their weight, feeling the soft velvet of their texture.
Jack froze. His brain seemed to realize just exactly what he'd been doing and went rampantly heterosexual on him. He had his hands on another man's balls. That was so out of the universe of what was acceptable that it could not be calculated how bad it was. What in the hell was he doing?
"Jack?" Daniel leaned up on his elbows. "What's wrong?"
"Uh, nothing. Just thinking," Jack said, and even he could hear the lie in his voice.
"Um, should you be doing that now?" Daniel asked, his voice breathless and raw.
No, he knew he shouldn't be. This wasn't just any man, this was Daniel and that made all the difference. For the love of Daniel he could do anything, be anything and with that thought, he dismissed his heterosexuality and bent his head to lick at the balls in question. Take that, he thought with a long swipe of his tongue against the hairy velvet.
Daniel moaned low.
God, he loved the sounds of Daniel's pleasure, his begging as Jack nuzzled his groin, licking along his hard dick, but not taking it into his mouth yet.
His hips straining to move, Daniel hissed, "I'm waiting."
"You'll wait a little longer," Jack promised with a laugh of delight. "Don't you have any patience at all?"
"For a great many things, but this isn't one of them. Get on with it." The command in Daniel's voice surprised Jack.
"In my own time," Jack countered, still amused. He pushed Daniel back down onto his back, nudging his legs apart and lying down between them. Jack went back to exploring the region, not paying special attention to any one thing.
He pressed a finger back behind Daniel's balls, sliding along the tender skin he found there and pressing slightly in.
Daniel groaned and pressed down into his finger. "Please."
"Oh, want to try that?" Jack smiled. "Maybe one finger?"
"Get to it."
He pressed in again, but there was too much resistance to go very far. He needed something to make it easier.
Pulling away, he reached across the bed, opening the night table drawer. Inside was a new tube of lubricant. He'd gone out shopping after his little epiphany earlier, and with his groceries, he'd picked up a few extra supplies. This wasn't quite how he'd hoped to use this, but Jack supposed it would do for a start.
"Jack?" Daniel levered himself up again and looked at him. "What? Why do you keep stopping? Stopping is bad. Pleasing Daniel is good."
"Yes, pleasing Daniel is very good. Hurting Daniel is bad." He held up the tube. "This will make it easier."
"Why do you have that, exactly?" Daniel asked, his eyebrows coming together in a pleased but puzzled look.
"Oh, I thought it might come in handy." Jack smiled at him.
With a chuckle, Daniel lay back down. "God, are you always so prepared?"
"Isn't it my job?"
"Think you can get back to your job?" Daniel hissed. "I'm waiting."
Slicking his fingers, Jack reached around and slid one easily along the crease of Daniel's ass, and then eased inside. Hot and smooth and tight. Jack felt a stirring in his dick that should not have been possible at his age.
Daniel gasped, pressing against his intruding finger.
"Hurt?" Jack asked, ready to withdraw at the first sign of discomfort, let alone pain. This was supposed to be fun.
"No. Feels good. Move deeper."
Pressing in farther, he encountered the edge of something round and hard.
Daniel cried out, hips bucking up. Afraid that he'd hurt Daniel, Jack started to pull back.
"Don't," Daniel gasped, his internal muscles clamping down on Jack's finger. "That's it. Oh, God, that's it."
"What's it?" Jack had not a clue what Daniel was talking about, but he moved his finger back where it had been.
Taking a breath, Daniel shifted, moving against his finger. "Prostate."
"Oh." Of course. Jack pressed a little deeper, moving over the spot, and Daniel shuddered hard.
"God, I could come from just that." Bucking up a little, Daniel tried to position Jack's finger where he wanted it.
"Not what I had in mind," Jack murmured, sliding his finger out. Daniel whined in protest. "Want to try two?"
"Oh, yeah." Daniel panted. "Want to fuck me?"
"Thought you weren't ready for that?" Jack slicked two fingers and returned them to the sweet spot, moving them slowly over it.
Daniel stilled for a second, clearly considering the idea, desire warring with common sense. "I'm not."
"Didn't think so." Not to mention the fact Jack didn't think he could come again. Of course, he wouldn't have thought he could get it up again either, but he had.
Shifting, Daniel tried to force Jack's fingers into him further. Jack wasn't having any of it; he wanted this to last, and it looked like Daniel would explode if he so much as brushed his prostate again.
"Jack. You're killing me, here." Daniel shifted again, and Jack had to back away.
"Soon," Jack promised, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice. Who knew sweet, reserved Daniel could turn into such a slut? God, Jack loved it. It was such a turn-on. He'd bet no one else ever got to see Daniel like this. So open, so wanting, so beautiful.
"Now." Daniel's tone was sharp with demand, but Jack heard the pleading under it and he sympathized. He did.
Jack lowered his head to Daniel's dick, slowly licking along the length and then taking the head into his mouth. Daniel shuddered and moved his hips up.
He loved doing this, loved hearing Daniel moan. His fingers moved deeply, gliding over the sweet spot as he sucked. After a few minutes, Jack felt a hand touch his head. But this time he didn't want to pull back.
Daniel stiffened, crying out. "Oh, God. Jack. Jack."
Warm bitter liquid slid over his tongue and down his throat. It wasn't too bad. Jack was glad he'd tried it. He pulled Daniel into his arms, holding him tightly as he came back to himself.
"Okay?"
"Bastard," Daniel muttered fondly, snuggling closer.
"Yep. I said I was. What do you plan to do about it?" Jack asked, kissing Daniel and then rooting around on the floor for some blankets.
"You'll just have to worry about it. Until I have my revenge." The threat was negated by Daniel's huge yawn, and his moving even closer into Jack's side. Daniel's hand made its way onto Jack's still hard dick, fingers stroking along the length. "Can I help with that?"
Jack yawned too. The stroking felt good, and as unbelievable as it was, he might even come again, but he was too tired to work at it. "Nah. I think I'll take a rain check for the morning."
"Okay," Daniel said, kissing Jack one last time. "Tomorrow."
"Oh, yeah." Sweet lassitude overtaking him, Jack could barely keep his eyes open. "Love you."
"Me too."
--finis
March 2002