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Hwiyoung hates ice breakers. It’s only his fourth day living in the dorms but he is certain of this.
“Turn to the person next to you and tell them your name and your biggest goal for the semester!” Youngbin says with far too much enthusiasm. Hwiyoung officially hates his floor’s RA, too, although he knows that Youngbin’s just doing his job and the experience is probably equally as painful for him.
The guy sitting next to Hwiyoung is already speaking to him. Hwiyoung is startled. He’s also not paying attention because he is a disaster.
“Sorry, what?” Hwiyoung says.
“I said my name is Taeyang and I want to get a 4.0 GPA this semester!”
Hwiyoung blinks and his jaw drops open because Taeyang is gorgeous.
Taeyang smiles, oblivious to the scrambled chaos that is Hwiyoung’s mind at the moment. “A lot of people have told me that a 4.0 GPA is an unrealistic goal but I wanna give it a shot, anyway,” Taeyang finishes with a laugh. Oh god. He has a beautiful laugh.
“Y—yeah,” Hwiyoung nods. “That’s a good goal.”
Taeyang nods.
Hwiyoung nods again.
Taeyang’s smile disappears. “Are you gonna introduce yourself?” he asks.
“Oh! Yeah.” Hwiyoung pauses for a moment and frowns because he’s briefly forgotten his own name. “I’m, uh. I’m Hwiyoung. Well, no, actually.” Taeyang looks confused. Hwiyoung is a mess. “My real name is Youngkyun but everyone just calls me Hwiyoung. I don’t really know what I wanna do. Uhm.” He scrunches his face up in thought. “I wanna meet new people, I guess,” he finishes with a painfully awkward smile.
“Well, you’ve already met me!” Taeyang teases. It takes Hwiyoung three slow seconds to force out a courteous laugh.
Surely Taeyang must think he’s odd.
“That was terrible,” Hwiyoung says as soon as he and Chani are alone in their room at the end of the hall. “I can never go to another floor meeting.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Chani disagrees. “I met a guy named Inseong. He seemed pretty cool.”
“That’s nice,” Hwiyoung says. “I’m going to die,” he proclaims, diving onto his mattress.
His roommate looks over in concern. “Care to elaborate?”
“I already hate someone,” Hwiyoung says into his pillow.
“What? Who?”
“The guy who was sitting next to me.”
“The guy who was on your right?” Chani contorts his face in thought for a moment. “Taeyang?”
Hwiyoung lifts his head up in disbelief. “You know him?”
“I ran into him in the bathroom yesterday,” Chani explains. “Should I hate him too?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“Why do you hate him?”
“He just, uh….” Hwiyoung hesitates. “He looks really good,” he blabbers.
Chani tilts his head. “You hate Taeyang because he looks good?”
“Exactly.”
“Surely you must hate me too, then,” Chani says.
Hwiyoung launches a pillow at him.
“Hi there! Hwiyoung, right?”
Hwiyoung looks up, breaking the staring contest that’s been going on between himself and the warm bowl of spaghetti in his hands. Taeyang has walked into the elevator and seems to be talking to him. He remembered his name. Hwiyoung tries not to overthink it.
“Yeah! Hi. Taeyang. Hello.” Hwiyoung coughs and intently stares at the elevator buttons.
“Are you going to the movie night in the lounge this Friday?” Taeyang asks.
“The what?” Hwiyoung is very out of the loop.
“The movie night,” Taeyang repeats. “Our floor’s marathoning Shrek.”
Hwiyoung’s eyes widen at the movie choice. “Wow.”
Taeyang just smiles. “I think it was Dawon’s idea.” Hwiyoung doesn’t know who Dawon is. Should he? He is extremely out of the loop. “You should come!” Taeyang chimes in. “It’ll be fun.”
“I’ve always been a fan of Shrek,” Hwiyoung comments dumbly. Taeyang lets out a laugh but Hwiyoung is being entirely serious.
Thankfully, the elevator arrives on their floor at that moment, saving Hwiyoung from any more prolonged awkward interactions.
“Well, hopefully I’ll see you there!” Taeyang calls back with a wave, walking past Hwiyoung’s room and further down the hall.
Hwiyoung waves in return, trying not to drop his spaghetti because Taeyang is still attractive and it’s still annoying. In fact, it’s even more annoying now.
“I just got back from the lounge. Taeyang thinks you’re weird,” Chani says after closing the door behind him.
Hwiyoung lowers his book. “What?”
“I was talking to Rowoon and he was talking about his roommate Taeyang and then he asked me who my roommate was and then Rowoon said that Taeyang said that you were weird.”
“Oh,” Hwiyoung says. It takes him a moment to process what Chani’s just said. Taeyang is Rowoon’s roommate. Taeyang thinks Hwiyoung is weird. Of course his life would pan out this way.
“But he said that Taeyang meant it in, like, an endearing way. Like you’re so weird that it’s cute, or something.” Chani simply shrugs. “So congratulations. Real proud of you, roomie. Cute and weird. A great balance.”
Hwiyoung lifts his book back up to hide the blush that has spread onto his face. Taeyang thinks he’s cute.
“I have to do homework,” Hwiyoung says, trying to sound uninterested.
“Hwiyoung! You came!” Taeyang cheers.
Hwiyoung sweats when he sees Taeyang in the doorway. Why does he do that?
“Yeah, I didn’t really have anything else to do,” Hwiyoung lies. He has plenty of homework.
“We’re here, too,” Zuho mumbles from the front of the lounge, where he's gathered with Jaeyoon and Inseong, struggling to connect the TV to someone’s laptop.
“Are you guys really having trouble with that?” Taeyang asks.
“Yes,” Jaeyoon says, looking mildly pissed.
“It’s just an HDMI cable,” Taeyang says.
“You’re just an HDMI cable,” Jaeyoon fires back.
Once they get the first Shrek movie up and running, a few more people have gathered in the lounge. To make room for everyone, Taeyang volunteers to sit next to Hwiyoung. Right next to Hwiyoung. Like, Hwiyoung is going to pass out from the close proximity.
They’re not the only two on the couch, however. On Taeyang’s other side is his roommate Rowoon. Halfway through the movie, Taeyang decides to share a blanket with Hwiyoung.
“What about me?” Rowoon asks.
Taeyang looks at him blankly. “What about you?” he replies.
“I don’t get to be under this blanket?” Rowoon questions with a shocked laugh.
“Sorry, it’s only big enough for two,” Taeyang says. He doesn’t sound apologetic at all.
“What a terrible roommate you are,” Rowoon decides.
Right at that moment, Chani pops the door open with Dawon beside him, both peeking their heads into the room. Hwiyoung turns around and makes eye contact. Chani beams and frantically waves at him, and then he pauses. His eyes go wide, and he points at Taeyang, seated next to him. Hwiyoung shoots daggers at Chani with his eyes. Chani just flashes him a thumbs up.
Taeyang falls asleep halfway through Shrek 2, which upsets Hwiyoung because it’s his favorite movie in the series.
Taeyang also happens to fall asleep with his head on Hwiyoung’s shoulder. It’s okay, really.
(It’s not okay at all. Hwiyoung gets a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. Disgusting.)
“I don’t have a crush on Taeyang,” Hwiyoung says.
Dawon and Chani look fairly unconvinced.
“Why do you, like, stutter around him then?” Chani asks.
“You blush around him, too,” Dawon throws in. Hwiyoung thinks it’s rather unnecessary.
“I just get nervous,” Hwiyoung responds vaguely.
Dawon snorts. “Only around Taeyang? Wonder why that is.”
Hwiyoung kicks him under the table. Dawon yelps and scoots his chair away from him.
“It’s okay,” Chani assures. “Taeyang is beautiful. We understand. You can be honest with us.”
“I don’t like him in that way,” Hwiyoung insists, stabbing his broccoli. “Attractive people just intimidate me.”
“Is he attractive enough that you perhaps have a crush on him?” Dawon inquires.
Hwiyoung grumbles and throws his plastic fork down on his styrofoam plate. “I don’t have a crush on him!” he repeats more aggressively.
Some other students seated nearby turn to look at him. Hwiyoung’s face flushes bright red and he lets out a heavy sigh.
“Are you sure?” Dawon asks.
Deciding that this conversation is over, Hwiyoung gets up to throw his plate away. He does not have a crush on Taeyang.
So, around the fourth week of the term, Hwiyoung starts accepting that he might have a crush on Taeyang. This is due largely in part to the fact that every time he sees Taeyang, the older boy flashes a lethal smile at him and it takes Hwiyoung a long 24 hours to recover.
He has a little bit of a crush, he’s decided. Like, it can barely even be classified as a crush, in his opinion. It’s more along the lines of infatuation and admiration.
In his defense, Taeyang is literally perfect, so he thinks it would be more concerning if he didn’t have a crush on him. But he makes sure not to mention this to Dawon and Chani because he knows he’ll never hear the end of it if he does.
Hwiyoung usually only visits their floor’s lounge when he needs to use the microwave. Granted, it’s quite often, but he’s usually not in there for more than two minutes at a time, so the socializing is pretty limited.
Taeyang spends a lot of time in the lounge. It was fine at first because Hwiyoung liked seeing his face, but then Taeyang started bringing a girl from one of his classes with him. Hwiyoung can’t remember her name, but she’s cute and sweet. Hwiyoung is pretty sure they have, like, a thing going on.
“Are you guys dating?” Hwiyoung blurts out one day when they happen to be the only three people in the lounge.
Taeyang laughs but he looks flustered. “Oh, no, we’re not.”
The girl elbows him. “What was last night then?” she asks… teasingly? It sounds like a joke but Taeyang blushes even more for some reason. Hwiyoung doesn’t wanna know what last night was, and fortunately his food has finished microwaving, so he doesn’t have to stay and find out.
Thus begins Hwiyoung’s journey of getting over Taeyang. He really shouldn’t develop crushes on people who look like Taeyang, because people like him tend to have plenty of others pining over them. Hwiyoung is just another face in the crowd.
By the sixth week of the term (two weeks after Hwiyoung’s accepted his feelings), Hwiyoung has completely moved on. He feels nothing for Taeyang.
That is, until Taeyang asks him for his number one day.
“We should hang out sometime,” Taeyang tells him while Hwiyoung waits for his soup to finish heating up. “Can I get your number?”
Hwiyoung’s heart nearly thumps out of his chest. He glances over at Taeyang’s not-girlfriend, who’s sitting right next to him and appears to be preoccupied with her phone. She seems completely unaffected by the conversation that’s happening right now.
Hwiyoung knows he shouldn’t give Taeyang his number. He’s probably going to develop feelings again and it’s going to ruin his entire freshman year and he’ll have to transfer schools.
But he hands Taeyang his phone anyway because he’s stupid. When he gets back to his room, he stares at Yoo Taeyang’s contact info for ten minutes in utter shock.
He just wants to hang out he just wants to hang out he just wants to hang out—
“Are you okay?” Chani interrupts. Hwiyoung is so startled by his roommate’s voice that he drops his phone. “You haven’t moved since you got back.”
“I’m perfectly fine. Resume your homework.” Hwiyoung bends down to pick up his phone.
Chani hums, returning to his history notes. He must sense something is really off, though, because a few minutes later he asks, “Are you sure you’re fine?”
“I GOT TAEYANG’S NUMBER!” Hwiyoung exclaims. Chani nearly shoots out of his chair in fright.
“Wow!” Chani breathes. “I’m glad you guys can be… very close strictly platonic friends now.”
“Exactly,” Hwiyoung agrees.
The girl disappears around week eight. So does Taeyang. Hwiyoung no longer looks forward to microwaving his food.
He’s exchanged a few texts with Taeyang. Their conversations are nothing big, though; mostly just small talk about their classes. They don’t hang out. Hwiyoung’s too scared to ask and, at the moment, he’s not even sure if Taeyang is alive because he hasn’t seen him in a week and Taeyang hasn’t responded to his most recent text. Maybe Taeyang transferred. Or maybe Taeyang never existed in the first place and college has driven Hwiyoung to insanity, resulting in his mind creating some kind of perfect, imaginary superhuman.
Hwiyoung catches Rowoon by the sinks in the bathroom one evening, washing some plates. He wants to ask about Taeyang but he doesn’t want to sound like he doesn’t care about Rowoon.
“You’re so tall,” Hwiyoung says in an effort to show that he does care about Rowoon. The words sounded much better in his head. He regrets not putting more thought into this.
Rowoon laughs. “Thank you? I’m really not that much taller than you, to be fair.”
Rowoon is totally right. Hwiyoung is totally an idiot. He laughs because he doesn’t know what else to do. Rowoon looks a little (a lot) concerned.
“How’s, uh… how’s your roommate doing?” Hwiyoung questions, smoothly shifting the subject. “I haven’t seen him around recently.”
Rowoon tilts his head. “Taeyang’s fine,” he says. It’s a lie. Hwiyoung’s an introvert who has spent far too many hours observing body language to be sure of this.
“Ah,” Hwiyoung says. He doesn’t wanna ask any more questions because he knows it’ll sound snoopy. There’s an awkwardly long pause.
“He’s just kind of stressed right now,” Rowoon admits. “Finals, you know?”
“I know,” Hwiyoung answers. He does not know. In fact, he completely forgot that finals week is approaching.
“He’s also got, like, a personal crisis going on.” Rowoon shrugs. “But he’s alive. He’ll be fine. I'm sure of it.”
“Oh.”
“Good luck with your exams!” Rowoon calls before leaving the bathroom.
Hwiyoung decides to focus his energy on studying. Sometimes his brain starts worrying about Taeyang and he has to watch an episode of Orange is The New Black to distract himself. The semester ends uneventfully.
The beginning of the second semester marks the return of Taeyang, who waves at Hwiyoung from across the dining hall on the first morning of classes. Hwiyoung rubs his eyes to make sure he isn’t hallucinating. He’s delighted when Taeyang walks over to him.
“Is this seat taken?” Taeyang asks, gesturing at the empty chair on the other side of the table.
“No, no, it’s not.”
Taeyang sits down and sets his yogurt on the table. “How was your winter break?” he asks.
“Pretty boring,” Hwiyoung admits. “I actually kind of missed having homework to do.”
“Wow,” Taeyang laughs. “Not the response I was expecting.”
“What about you?” Hwiyoung asks. “Anything fun?”
Taeyang shrugs. “Eh. I went skiing.”
“Oh. Nice.”
“Do you ski?” Taeyang asks.
“Not really. I’d love to try it someday, though.”
“Oh, you totally should!” Taeyang says.
The conversation falls flat after that. Hwiyoung’s mind is desperately scrambling for something to say but is drawing a blank. Thankfully Taeyang speaks up before the silence becomes too painful.
“There’s an… um… event happening this weekend at my frat,” Taeyang says. A red flag shoots up in Hwiyoung’s consciousness. Taeyang is a frat boy. Hwiyoung’s going to have to set aside some time later to process that information. “Do you party?”
Hwiyoung is a straight edge. He committed to this lifestyle shortly into the first semester when Chani came back from a party one night and spent seven consecutive hours throwing up and walking into walls. It kind of scared him.
“I’ve never been to a party,” Hwiyoung replies. “I never really understood the hype, I guess.”
Taeyang just nods respectfully. “I don’t suppose you would wanna come along, then.”
“I doubt I’d have a good time,” Hwiyoung says honestly.
“It’s cool,” Taeyang says with a smile. “The invite still stands, though. Just let me know if you change your mind.”
“I probably won’t,” Hwiyoung says.
“That’s fine,” Taeyang assures. “Good for you, not giving into peer pressure.”
They talk about their classes for a few more minutes before Hwiyoung has to head off to his psychology lecture.
Hwiyoung (4:26 PM)
let’s say that i decided to change my mind about not going to the party
i’m still kinda nervous so… could u promise me that i won’t end up in an ambulance?
Taeyang (4:28 PM)
i can definitely watch over you and make sure you don’t get too drunk, if that’s what you’re asking!
i like staying sober anyway
Hwiyoung (4:30 PM)
okay send me the details then! i might give it a chance
Taeyang (4:30 PM)
:D
“No,” Chani says.
Hwiyoung frowns. “What do you mean no? I wasn’t asking for permission.”
“No,” Dawon says.
Hwiyoung groans. “Not you too.”
“You’re not going,” Chani decides adamantly.
“You’re not my parents,” Hwiyoung shoots back. “Plus it’s my choice, anyway. I’ll be fine. Taeyang said he would watch over me.”
“I know he’s breathtakingly handsome but do you really trust him this much?” Dawon asks. “You said it yourself — he’s a frat boy inviting you to his frat so he can get you drunk. That’s not a comforting sentence.”
“I thought you didn’t like parties, anyway,” Chani says. “Or Taeyang.”
“You’re right. I don’t like parties,” Hwiyoung confirms.
There’s a short pause.
“And what about Taeyang?” Chani asks.
Hwiyoung looks away from where his friends are sitting, up on his bed. “I… like him a little bit,” he says quickly.
Dawon lights up and slaps Chani’s leg. “I knew it! See, Chani, I told you!”
“That’s cute, but I’m still worried,” Chani says. “If you absolutely must go then you’re going to share your phone’s location with us in case Taeyang ends up kidnapping you.”
Dawon nudges Chani and lowers his head. “What if Hwiyoung’s like… into that, though?” he whispers. “Like Stockholm syndrome or whatever.”
“I can hear you,” Hwiyoung announces from where he’s laying on the carpet.
Chani looks alarmed when he leans over the edge of the bed to look down at his roommate. “You’re going to suppress your weird kinks this weekend, okay? Everything’s going to stay rated G.”
Hwiyoung hates his friends. For the record, he doesn’t have any weird kinks.
“Here,” Taeyang says, holding out a glass of water for Hwiyoung. “Drink all of this, Hwiyoung. And then when you’re done, give it back to me and I’ll refill it so you can drink it again.”
Hwiyoung takes the glass, swishes the liquid around, squints at it in the darkness, and sniffs the drink. “What is this? Water?”
“It’s your new best friend,” Taeyang says. “No more vodka for you.”
“But I’m not even that drunk,” Hwiyoung slurs, subconsciously tipping the cup over a bit, causing some of the water to pour out and onto his feet. He steps back in fright before he realizes that it’s his own doing.
Taeyang puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder and Hwiyoung looks at it dumbfoundedly. “You are plenty drunk, my friend. You and Rowoon stood up on stools in the kitchen and belted out all of Bohemian Rhapsody together not even an hour ago. And you tried to make up a choreography for it. While on the stools. I thought you were going to fall and give yourself a concussion on the kitchen counter.”
“Mamma mia, Taeyang” is Hwiyoung’s response to that before finishing the water.
Hwiyoung doesn’t really know how he ended up in this state. He vaguely recalls taking a sip out of a shot glass when he first got to the fraternity and being absolutely repulsed by the taste of it. “You guys willingly drink this stuff for entertainment?” he had said.
Somewhere in the past three hours, he must’ve forced some more shots down. He suddenly realizes that he’s not sure how many shots he’s had and that’s probably not good, so he nudges his supervisor with the empty glass.
“More, please, Taeyangie,” Hwiyoung demands. “Also how many of those little cups have I had?”
“You mean shots?” Taeyang laughs. Hwiyoung nods. “Five, but they’ve all been diluted with Sprite.”
“Fantastic,” Hwiyoung comments, lazily falling against the nearest wall. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this information but I think I’m supposed to know it, so thank you. Are you going to get me more water? I’ll wait here.”
“I think you’ve reached a point where you shouldn’t leave my sight,” Taeyang points out.
Hwiyoung is offended. “I’m fine by myself,” he says, but he pushes himself off the wall and follows Taeyang anyway. “Why are you making me drink so much water? I have to pee constantly now and it’s inconvenient.”
“You don’t want to wake up with a hangover, trust me,” Taeyang says, freezing once he sees the huge crowd in the kitchen. He turns around and says to Hwiyoung, “Give me your hand. I don’t want to lose you in the crowd.”
“Ooh.” Hwiyoung eagerly grabs Taeyang’s hand and laces their fingers together. Taeyang’s hand is soft. Hwiyoung’s never been more excited in his life. “Are we exclusive now?” he asks, briefly swinging their arms back and forth. Taeyang doesn’t answer because he’s too busy pushing through the crowd to get to the sink.
Taeyang forces Hwiyoung to finish two more full glasses of water — “Why do you hate me so much?” Hwiyoung asks — and then he leads the younger boy over to one of the beer pong tables, where Rowoon is standing. Taeyang mumbles something indecipherable to Rowoon and Rowoon nods and glances at Hwiyoung, who waves.
Hwiyoung thinks he hears his name mentioned so he leans into their conversation. “Are you guys talking about me?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Taeyang says.
“Cool,” Hwiyoung beams.
“I told Rowoon that I’m going to take you back to the dorms,” Taeyang explains.
“And then what?” Hwiyoung asks with a giggle. Rowoon throws his head back and laughs and Taeyang decides that’s their cue to leave.
It’s fucking freezing outside on account of it being the middle of winter. Hwiyoung decides to vocalize his distress as soon as Taeyang’s opened the back door.
“It’s fucking cold,” Hwiyoung announces. Taeyang leads Hwiyoung around to the front of the house and then he pulls off his hoodie, handing it over to Hwiyoung.
Hwiyoung is quiet for most of the journey; he’s busy focusing all his energy on maintaining his balance. He still hasn’t let go of Taeyang’s hand and he doesn’t plan to anytime soon. Taeyang seems unbothered by this.
There’s a fat, white cat sitting in their path, two blocks away from campus, and Hwiyoung lets out a drunken squeal before crouching down to pet it with his free hand. He briefly forgets that the night temperature is nearing freezing levels. Taeyang reminds him of this after a few minutes and suddenly Hwiyoung is cold again and he has to say goodbye to the cat. He’s moderately distraught about it.
Their dorm is suffocatingly warm and quiet at this hour of the night. Once the elevator opens on their floor, Taeyang asks Hwiyoung if he has his room key with him. Hwiyoung nods and digs the key out of his back pocket, dangling it in front of Taeyang’s face before walking down the floor until he’s reached his room.
Taeyang watches Hwiyoung struggle to unlock the door. Hwiyoung is pretty frustrated thirty seconds in when the key is in the lock but the lock won’t turn. He takes the key out, frowns at it, smacks it, and tries unlocking the door again, but the door remains locked.
“What’s going on?” Taeyang says.
“The door is broken,” Hwiyoung huffs, furrowing his brow and sticking his tongue out with concentration. Suddenly the apparently-not-broken door swings open and Hwiyoung leaps back in surprise. “What are you doing in my room, Zuho?”
Zuho’s hair is messy and his eyes are hooded. “This is my room,” he says slowly. He’s never looked more spacey and confused in his entire life.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Taeyang apologizes. “Hwi’s a little drunk right now. I was taking him back to his room and I guess we got the wrong one.”
Hwiyoung turns to face Taeyang. “This is my room,” he promises, annoyed. “The key went into the lock. It must be my room.”
“That’s — that’s not how the system works,” Taeyang says, lowering his voice. “All of the keys go into all of the locks, but the lock only turns on your own room.”
“I don’t understand.” Hwiyoung doesn’t believe Taeyang. It’s too much information for his cloudy mind to process right now. “This has to be my room. Zuho is trespassing, Taeyang. We should go report him to Youngbin.”
Taeyang simply sighs. “Do you know which room is his?” he asks Zuho.
Zuho points a little ways down the hall and Taeyang thanks him before escorting Hwiyoung back to his actual room. Hwiyoung is shocked when the key actually works this time, and he’s even more shocked when he flips on the light switch and it does appear to be his actual room.
“Where’s Chani?” Taeyang asks, noting the emptiness.
“He went home for the weekend,” Hwiyoung says, finally letting go of Taeyang’s hand and hobbling over to his bed. He hoists himself up on the mattress and buries his face in one of his cushions. “I miss that cat,” Hwiyoung says into the cushion, because it’s very important that he clarifies that right now. “We should go back for the cat,” he insists.
“The cat will be fine without us,” Taeyang promises. “How do you feel right now?”
“I’m sad about the cat,” Hwiyoung states as if it wasn’t obvious.
“Other than that, though? You’re not nauseous? Do you have a headache? I can get you some more water.”
Hwiyoung grumbles. “Physically, I feel kinda sticky.”
“Probably because you spilled beer on yourself.”
Hwiyoung lifts his head up, squinting at the light. “I had beer?”
Taeyang nods.
“I can’t remember what it tasted like,” Hwiyoung says.
“Consider yourself lucky, then.”
Hwiyoung tries to look at Taeyang. “Is the room supposed to be spinning at a high velocity?”
“Huh?” Taeyang walks over to the edge of the bed.
“I just want it to stop spinning,” Hwiyoung whines. “It’s going so fast. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster.”
“It’ll go away in a few hours,” Taeyang promises. “You’re not throwing up, at least, so that’s a good sign.”
“Taeyang?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you make the room stop spinning?”
Taeyang laughs. “Any suggestions on how I should go about that?”
“Hug me,” Hwiyoung demands.
Taeyang looks shocked. “Really?”
“Mm-hmm. It’ll work.”
Taeyang climbs onto Hwiyoung’s bed. He seems to hesitate before wrapping his arms around Hwiyoung, who suppresses a giggle. This is, without a doubt, the best day of Hwiyoung’s life. He wishes he was sober so he could appreciate this more.
“I’m gonna text Chani and tell him that I’m spending the night in your room to make sure you don’t do anything stupid,” Taeyang says, taking an arm off Hwiyoung to get his phone.
Hwiyoung gasps. “We’re having a sleepover?”
“Something like that,” Taeyang replies. “Do you want to change into more comfortable clothes or are you gonna be fine sleeping in jeans?”
“I don’t wanna go to bed yet,” Hwiyoung says, pausing to let out a yawn. “I’m not tired.”
“Shall we watch a movie then?” Taeyang suggests. Hwiyoung nods frantically and falls asleep as soon as Taeyang gets Netflix loaded on his phone.
Hwiyoung had thought that he would wake up the morning after the party not remembering anything. The dreadful truth is that he remembered everything, including the embarrassingly clingy things he’d told Taeyang. It makes talking to him somehow even more nerve-wracking than it used to be.
“Taeyang really hasn’t asked you for his hoodie back?” Chani asks one afternoon. “It’s been forever since that party. Have you even washed it?”
“Yeah, you’ve been wearing that thing practically all week,” Dawon says, reaching over to pinch the sweatshirt. “It’s kinda cute but also kinda disgusting. Are you two dating yet?”
Hwiyoung looks up from his textbook and glares at his friends. “What part of ‘quiet study session’ do you not understand?”
Dawon apologizes and lowers his voice to a whisper. “Are you and Taeyang dating yet?”
“No.”
“Aw,” Chani says. “Does he still make your tummy do the flippy-flippy thing?”
Hwiyoung groans and covers his face with his hands. Then he nods.
“Every time he walks in the room I become secondhand nervous for you,” Dawon says. “You should just tell him that you like him or else he’s never gonna know. He can’t read minds, you know.”
“Wow,” Hwiyoung says. “You say that as if it has no possible repercussions.”
“Because you finally getting in a relationship with a cute guy that you’ve had a crush on for thirty years is such a horrible repercussion,” Dawon challenges.
“Did you just call Taeyang cute?”
Dawon hesitates. “Yes, but that’s beside the point.”
“I don’t think he likes me in that way, anyway,” Hwiyoung mumbles.
“Are you kidding me?” Chani says. “Which drugs are you on? He definitely likes you back. In my full, honest opinion.”
Hwiyoung lets out a sarcastic laugh to hide his distress. “You have no evidence to back up that claim.”
Chani looks down at his phone. “Actually, I have some really overprotective texts from him on the night of the party talking about how concerned he was over you.”
“I was drunk. He was rightfully concerned. That’s just called being a decent human being.”
“Awfully nice decent human being to go out of his way to invite you to a party knowing full well that he would just have to take care of your drunk ass the whole time,” Dawon mutters.
Hwiyoung smacks him in the arm. “Hey. I’m a relatively calm drunk. Plus I thought you guys were against me and Taeyang being together.”
“We were against you going to a frat party with him,” Chani answers. “But he watched over you and kept us updated on your drunken shenanigans throughout the night. It was quality entertainment, by the way. So he might have our approval.”
“Oh,” Hwiyoung says.
Chani giggles at his phone. “Oh yeah. I also have this text from you claiming that you’re in love with someone named ‘Teayaf.’ I’m assuming that’s Drunk Hwiyoung’s version of Taeyang. Do you want me to just ask him out for you?”
Hwiyoung’s eyes widen. “Don’t.”
“I can text him right now,” Chani offers.
Hwiyoung swipes the phone out of Chani’s hand.
“C’mon, Hwi,” Dawon sighs. “How much longer is this gonna go on for? We only have six more weeks of classes.”
“That’s plenty of time for me to reassess my feelings,” Hwiyoung points out.
Chani laughs. “You say that as if you’re not wearing his hoodie right now. I doubt any reassessments will be happening.”
Hwiyoung props up his math textbook, blocking Dawon and Chani from his line of vision because calculus is much more important than this conversation.
Hwiyoung does, in fact, reassess his feelings. They don’t change at all, though. Taeyang is too cute. It was worth a shot.
Hwiyoung’s been eating lunch with Dawon and Chani every Friday for the past six months. They hang out in the food court in the student union around noon and complain about their professors together. It’s kind of therapeutical. They’ve never cancelled, and they’ve never invited other people.
Which is why Hwiyoung doesn’t expect to catch Taeyang, of all people, sitting in Hwiyoung’s usual spot today, chatting it up with them. Hwiyoung almost drops his Panda Express bowl, then briefly wonders if he should just turn around and text his friends later with a bad excuse about why he couldn’t make it this time.
Unfortunately, Dawon has already spotted Hwiyoung and is waving at him excitedly from across the room. Hwiyoung doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this. It doesn’t take much brainpower to figure out that it’s a blatant setup.
“Hwiyoung!” Taeyang greets, looking frustratingly beautiful as always. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”
“Hi, Taeyang,” Hwiyoung says monotonously, blinking at Dawon and Chani. He takes the only open seat at the table, next to Taeyang.
“How’s your day going?” Chani asks with an innocent smile. Hwiyoung makes a mental note to drown Chani’s succulents later.
“It’s stressful,” he says pointedly.
Chani pouts. “Aw, why is that?”
Hwiyoung narrows his eyes at his evil roommate. “Oh… you know,” he says slowly.
Dawon, Chani, and Taeyang resume an earlier conversation they’d started before Hwiyoung had arrived and after a few minutes Dawon suddenly pulls his phone out, gasping at it with the fakest expression of shock that Hwiyoung’s ever seen in his life.
“Oh no!” Dawon exclaims dramatically. “Chemistry starts in twenty minutes and I left my iClicker back at the dorms!”
Hwiyoung furrows his brow. “It won’t take you twenty minutes to walk to the dorms and back—”
“Chani, do you want to come back and get it with me?” Dawon interrupts, already pulling his backpack on.
“Yeah, I can come along,” Chani replies noticeably fast, springing up from his seat.
Hwiyoung knows exactly what’s going on and he does not want to be a victim of this. “I’ll walk with you guys, too,” he volunteers.
“Oh, no, that’s not necessary,” Dawon states. “You just sat down, anyway. You should finish your lunch. Taeyang will keep you company!”
“I guess we’ll see you later, then!” Chani bids before the two of them are gone, leaving Hwiyoung and Taeyang alone together.
Hwiyoung clears his throat and looks everywhere except for at Taeyang.
“So,” Taeyang says descriptively.
“So,” Hwiyoung agrees.
“Nice hoodie.”
“Fuck.” Hwiyoung is going to combust. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve returned it ages ago.”
“No, it’s fine,” Taeyang insists. “You were cold.”
“Well, yeah.” Hwiyoung shrugs. “A week ago. I’m not, like, permanently cold.”
“That’s good,” Taeyang says.
Hwiyoung nods. “Very good.” There’s a long pause. “Do you want it back?”
Taeyang just shakes his head. “It suits you.”
“Oh. Thank you.” Hwiyoung frowns down at his fried rice. Now what the fuck does that mean? It suits him? Taeyang is the worst.
Hwiyoung doesn’t exactly know what Dawon and Chani expect to happen between them while they’re gone. Nine times out of ten, Hwiyoung is too nervous to have a normal conversation with someone as attractive as Taeyang because a persistent voice in the back of his mind won’t stop reminding him how cute the older boy is. It’s exhausting.
The rest of their 20 minutes together is filled with mundane small talk because Hwiyoung doesn’t know how to move past the awkward stage of friendship. It’s better than nothing, he figures.
Hwiyoung’s eyes widen at his notifications. “Oh my god,” he breathes, interrupting the professor’s astoundingly boring lecture in preparation for the midterm.
“What’s up?” Chani whispers.
Hwiyoung tilts his phone’s screen in Chani’s direction.
Taeyang (4:11 PM)
hey
hi
hello
ur cute
wanna go see a movie together sometime
“Oh my god,” Chani gasps, leaning closer to the screen. “It’s finally happening.”
A few more texts come in. And Hwiyoung’s heart sinks.
Taeyang (4:12 PM)
NO
IM GONNA KILL ROWOON
HE STOLE MY PHONE THAT WASN’T ME IM SORRY
Hwiyoung’s going to kill Rowoon, too, he decides.
“I’m sure Rowoon’s doing it for a reason, though,” Chani asserts, staring at the texts over Hwiyoung’s shoulder.
“What? What does that mean?”
Chani clears his throat and looks back up at the PowerPoint.
“Chani?” Hwiyoung says. “Do you know something?”
“I’m enrolled in a university. I know plenty of things. Knowledge is the key to a bright future.”
“Stop avoiding the question.”
Chani hushes Hwiyoung. “I’m trying to pay attention.”
Hwiyoung is positive that this has something to do with Chani. And Dawon too, most likely. The whole situation smells like a giant ploy.
Hwiyoung types up a hasty reply.
Hwiyoung (4:14 PM)
oh haha wow
It’s not a very good message. In fact, it’s not good at all. Not even slightly. He waits a few minutes for a reply from Taeyang and pockets his phone when there’s nothing. The remaining lecture goes completely over his head.
With an incredible amount of bad luck, Hwiyoung spots Taeyang in the dining hall after class, waiting for the food he must’ve ordered. Hwiyoung immediately pulls his phone out and pretends to look busy. It doesn’t work.
“Hi Hwiyoung!” Taeyang says, walking over to him.
Hwiyoung looks up and pretends to be shocked. “Oh! Hey!”
“I’m really sorry about those texts. I was asleep and Rowoon unlocked my phone with my thumb.”
“I was so confused. Really had me thinking you actually had a crush on me.” Hwiyoung laughs to hide his pain.
Taeyang laughs too.
Hwiyoung’s life is a joke.
“I don’t even know why Rowoon did that,” Taeyang claims. “Maybe he has a crush on you and is just too scared to admit it so he wanted to do it under my name,” he says teasingly.
“Yeah. You’re probably right.”
It’s a Saturday morning. Hwiyoung is sitting in the lounge, finishing an adult swear word coloring book while Spongebob is on the TV. Taeyang had walked in a few minutes ago and asked if he could join. His hair was messy and cute and Hwiyoung had almost cried at the sight of it. Instead, he had ripped out a page for him to color and slid it over to his side of the table.
They talk while coloring. And for once, it isn’t awkward; it feels relaxed. The conversation flows smoothly.
Until Dawon walks into the lounge with an un-popped bag of popcorn waiting to be microwaved. When he pushes open the door, he freezes, looks at the two of them, and shakes his head. Taeyang suddenly stops complaining about student housing pet policies.
“What’s wrong?” Taeyang asks Dawon.
Dawon opens his mouth. Then closes it. Then opens it again. “Nothing.” He walks over to the microwave.
Taeyang resumes coloring and complaining about student housing pet policies.
Dawon retrieves his popcorn from the microwave when it’s finished, and goes to leave the lounge. But then he stops when he’s by the door and turns to look at Taeyang and Hwiyoung.
“Holy shit,” Dawon says. “Are you ever gonna do anything about this?”
Hwiyoung thinks he wants to disappear. “I have to go to the bathroom,” he says, moving to get up.
“No, you don’t,” Dawon states.
“When will we do anything about what?” Taeyang asks, genuinely oblivious.
“This,” Dawon says, wildly gesturing at the two of them.
“I really have to go to the bathroom,” Hwiyoung claims.
“What’s wrong with coloring?” Taeyang asks Dawon.
Dawon lets out a frustrated sigh. “Jesus Christ, Taeyang! There’s nothing wrong with coloring! I’m talking about the two of you. When will you guys do something about it? The entire student body knows that you like each other!”
Being enrolled at a university with over twenty-thousand students, Hwiyoung highly doubts that. Nonetheless, he wants to disappear right now. No doubts about that. To Hwiyoung’s misfortune, Dawon keeps going.
“Take it as slow as you want. But finals are literally next week and then it’s summer term and I know you both aren’t taking summer classes which means you’re going to go home, lonely, and not see each other for the next three months and regret not doing anything about it while you had the chance and you’re gonna be like, ‘Damn, why do we never listen to Dawon? He’s such a good friend.’” Dawon pauses to breathe. “Pardon my bluntness.”
“What’s happening?” Inseong asks, entering the room with Jaeyoon behind him. “Are you guys fighting?”
“Oh thank god, the entire floor is here now,” Hwiyoung mumbles, burying his face in his coloring book.
“Don’t do that; you’re gonna get marker on your face,” Taeyang scolds.
“I think that’s the least of my concerns right now,” Hwiyoung says into the book.
“Why is Hwiyoung eating his book?” Jaeyoon asks.
Hwiyoung groans. “I’m not eating it, Jaeyoon.”
Jaeyoon turns to Dawon. “What’s going on here?”
Dawon simply says, “A mess,” and then leaves the room.
Jaeyoon and Inseong exchange a confused look with each other, and then quickly get distracted by the TV.
Taeyang picks up a Spongebob-centric conversation with Jaeyoon and Inseong, as if Dawon’s outburst hadn’t happened, and Hwiyoung colors quietly. When he’s done, he tears the vibrant “fuck you” page out of the book and slides it under Dawon’s door.
Taeyang and Hwiyoung don’t communicate after the incident in the lounge. Hwiyoung blames this entirely on Dawon, but Dawon begs to differ.
It’s a Thursday evening and Hwiyoung’s just returned from his last exam of his freshman year. The dorms are eerily quiet at this point in the week since almost everyone has already moved out. Poor Hwiyoung was unlucky enough to have all of his tests crammed into the same day at the very end of the week.
Chani’s half of the room looks like a prison without Chani occupying it. It makes Hwiyoung feel especially lonely.
Hwiyoung’s tired but he knows that he has to get some packing done. He keeps the door propped open for ventilation, plays Taylor Swift on his bluetooth speaker, and begins filling up cardboard boxes.
A few minutes later, he hears voices coming from down the hall. His heart races when he recognizes Taeyang’s. He’d thought that Taeyang had already moved out of the dorms. He’d thought that he would finally get some solitude. Mildly panicked, Hwiyoung scoots closer to the door and wonders if he should close it to avoid an awkward encounter. Taeyang and whoever he’s with sound like they’re quickly approaching, though, and Hwiyoung doesn’t have enough time to make a decision.
“Hwiyoung!”
Hwiyoung sees Youngbin standing in his doorway and he’s relieved that it isn’t Taeyang.
“Hey, Youngbin!” Hwiyoung returns.
But then Taeyang appears beside Youngbin and Hwiyoung has to ignore the way his stomach flips at the sight of him.
“Are you finished with exams?” Youngbin asks.
“Finally,” Hwiyoung confirms, looking at Youngbin and Youngbin only.
“How’d they go?”
Hwiyoung shrugs. “They went. I figure there isn’t much point in worrying about them now.”
“Ah, good philosophy,” Youngbin praises. “I assume you’re moving out tomorrow.”
“Yup.”
“Well, if I don’t see you again, then it was nice having you in our community. I’m going to miss all of you guys. The other residents were talking about all of us meeting up next year for dinner or something.”
Hwiyoung hums. “That’s a good idea.”
Youngbin nods. “Well, I have studying to do, so I’m gonna go now,” he explains.
“Oh, good luck with that!” Hwiyoung says.
“Thanks!” Youngbin says before disappearing.
Taeyang lingers in the doorway and finally Hwiyoung looks at him. Taeyang clears his throat. “Top notch music choice,” he says in regards to the Taylor Swift discography currently blasting through the room.
“Thanks,” Hwiyoung says with a small smile. Taeyang nods. “You can come in, if you want," Hwiyoung offers.
“I don’t really have anything else to do,” Taeyang says, finally stepping in the room and kicking the door shut behind him. Hwiyoung tries not to overanalyze it. Taeyang takes a seat next to Hwiyoung on the carpet and begins singing along to Blank Space.
Hwiyoung packs wordlessly for a few minutes and Taeyang just sits there, belting out lyrics and watching the younger boy pack things into boxes. It should feel more awkward than it actually is. For that, Hwiyoung is grateful.
“You still have my hoodie,” Taeyang notices after a few minutes. Hwiyoung doesn’t know why he happens to be wearing it every time he talks to Taeyang. He swears that he doesn’t wear it that often.
“Well, I’m not gonna go and sell it to a thrift shop,” Hwiyoung jokes. “It’s warm,” he continues. Taeyang agrees. “Probably a good time for me to give it back, though, since we won’t be seeing each other.” Hwiyoung begins to take it off.
Taeyang stops him. “Keep it. You like it, right?”
“Yeah.” Hwiyoung looks over at him. “But I can’t keep it forever, Taeyang.”
“Sure you can,” Taeyang challenges.
Hwiyoung snorts. “That’s called stealing.”
Taeyang just shrugs. “Not if you have my permission,” he says. “There’s no such thing as consensual stealing.”
“You really don’t want it back?” Hwiyoung asks. “I should’ve given it back to you the day after that party. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“You look cute in it,” Taeyang admits.
“Shut up,” Hwiyoung says rapidly. He turns away from Taeyang to hide his blush and begins folding one of his blankets to keep his hands busy.
Taeyang clears his throat. “Not to make things awkward,” he begins, “but I know that you like me. Like, since before Dawon’s little episode last week.”
Hwiyoung forces out a laugh and he feels like a deer in the headlights. “That’s a pretty vain assumption.”
“Not an assumption. Chani told me ages ago.”
Hwiyoung isn’t laughing anymore. “Are you serious? When?”
Taeyang thinks about it for a second. “Ah, like, last semester,” he says.
“What—? But I didn’t even like you that much last semester.” Hwiyoung clamps his hands over his mouth after realizing what he’s just said. “Oh my god.” He shakes his head. “No. That’s not what I meant! That’s— no.”
Taeyang bursts out laughing. Hwiyoung hates Chani. So much.
“So you do like me then?” Taeyang asks.
Hwiyoung lets out a groan and smothers his face in the blanket he’d been folding. “No,” he says, but he’s never been good at lying. He sighs. “Yes.”
“Hwiyoung,” Taeyang says. “Look at me.”
“Don’t wanna,” Hwiyoung says, voice muffled by the blanket.
“Chani didn’t tell me anything. I lied. I guessed it myself a few months ago.”
Hwiyoung’s head snaps up so fast that he almost breaks his neck. He smacks Taeyang with the blanket, mercilessly. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Hwiyoung says. Taeyang flinches. And then Hwiyoung drops the blanket and pushes him with both hands. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he repeats. “You were gonna make me hate my own best friend and roommate!”
Taeyang’s laughing now. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have—”
“I hate you,” Hwiyoung decides. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I never want to see your face ever again.”
“Should I get going then?” Taeyang prompts, pointing at the door.
“Yes. Oh my god. Never speak to me again.”
“But I like you back,” Taeyang says calmly.
Hwiyoung gapes at the older boy like he’s grown a second head.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST TELL ME, THEN?” Hwiyoung says.
Taeyang rolls his eyes. “Don’t be a hypocrite.”
“But you make me nervous!” Hwiyoung complains. “I can’t have a normal conversation with you without feeling like I’m gonna suffer from a heart attack and you expect me to just confess my feelings? How self-centered.”
“Are we really arguing about this?” Taeyang says. “I wanna date you! Why are you mad?”
“Because!” Hwiyoung throws his hands in the air. “You stress me out!”
“Right back at you,” Taeyang mutters.
Deciding that he’s sick of this, Hwiyoung surges forward and kisses Taeyang. He kisses him roughly because he’s been waiting nine months to do this. The good news is that Taeyang reciprocates it.
“So, uhm.” Taeyang pulls away for a second. Hwiyoung is annoyed about it. “That thing you said a few minutes ago? About hating me and never wanting to see me or speak to me—”
“Yes,” Hwiyoung says.
Taeyang looks confused. “So you hate me but you’ll still kiss me?”
“Not sure,” Hwiyoung says. “Stop asking so many questions.”
“It was one question,” Taeyang protests.
“I can count just fine,” Hwiyoung assures. He leans forward and presses his lips to Taeyang’s again.