Chapter Text
Hinata isn't sure which word he would use for it, even only in theory. 'Recovery definitely wouldn't be his first choice. The word 'recovery' makes them seem more like traumatized cattle than people- clueless and led about by their necks. Powerless to the outside fight.
'Recovery' may actually a good word for it. But Hinata doesn't like that it fits so well.
Hinata would've preferred the phrase: 'Coping, a mechanism'. Everything seems about as lifeless as a machine anyways. More accurate than 'coping' is 'The process of getting better for a group of people so ruined that even the survivors of an entire apocalypse weren't sure what to make of them at first'. It's longer, but Hinata finds it to be more applicable.
It’s not like he can change the decision made by Future Foundation, as monumental a decision as it had made. They are now collectively known as the “Recovery Project.” Hinata also hates that they are labelled as a project. It makes him feel like a hamster on a wheel in a science fair. But then, the Future foundation has never been the best with names. Among its more noteworthy misnomers include having dubbed literal Armageddon "The Incident", as though it may have been a child learning an early life lesson, rather than the end of the world. The whole thing was so black and white, good and evil, hope and despair. Hinata might not have taken it seriously- and indeed, there had been a time when he hadn't. But that was before he'd learned of his involvement in it all. Before he'd recognized the sticky feeling between his fingers to be blood.
Future Foundation tried its best, at least. But the world becomes large, complicated, when it concerns the apocalypse. Every system of government has collapsed, and every culture is in ruin. Any innocent civilians left are forever disturbed. Populations that had previously existed in the billions now dwindled. Even then, the survivors of the very first Killing Game came to visit when they could. Sparing even only a couple associates now and then to check up on the residents of the island was to be expected. Hinata welcomes the visitors religiously- immediately- upon their arrival. It is nice to see people outside of his classmates. But more than that, to receive news is more gratifying than Hinata ever would've thought. It's never good news- or it shouldn't be. But all they are ever told is about reconstruction here, or reclamation there.
The opposition is never clear.
Hinata knows it's a Tuesday as he strolls in the blaring heat to the restaurant. The months and seasons quickly become passable when your surroundings never change. But Hinata knows it's a Tuesday. And because it is a Tuesday, Future Foundation will have sent someone. As he skips up the steps he hopes it'll be Makoto.
Hinata opens the door and is met with blissfully sweet, cool air. It's a product of the air conditioning machine that Souda had revived not yet a week earlier. The effect on the residents there was of such a magnitude that even days later, people went into a silent state of reverence as he passed by. Teruteru works away behind the counter on Hinata’s breakfast. The timing is perfect as usual.
Teruteru turned out to have a knack for predicting arrival times of his regulars. Gundam said it was magic, Teruteru called it his … Hinata doesn’t care to remind himself. Teruteru had never been the most wholesome of people. The bottom line was that Hinata had a steaming plate of apple pancakes handed to him moments after he set foot in the door.
“And there is Hinata!” Teruteru bounced. “Fashionably late as always- Don’t you worry, Sugar, happens all the time!” Chubby fingers place a croissant and small dish of clotted cream beside his perfect pancakes.
"Don't call me that," Hinata said tersely. Teruteru winked at him. Not sexually- he hoped- but he knew better. "But thanks, it looks delicious." Just like every other day, he didn't add. But he almost wished he had.
It’s not to say that Hinata was itching to go out into the black, foggy world of despair. It is- it always had been- that he'd just rather help out where he could, even if it mandated that he stay stuck here for years with people who he’d seen murder each other. Even if it meant waking up to those same faces every day.
“My pleasure, Hinata- just keep in in your pants for me, would ya?” He said casually.
Hinata rolled his eyes.
He moved to the back of the diner, where everybody else was assembled in a tight circle of tables, welcoming their daily guest with a friendly, yet not overbearing gap in the circle of tables. He maneuvered with his plate, carefully lifting it over heads to avoid it being spilled, all the while peering around the circle. 'Please be Makoto, please be Makoto, please be Makoto…"
… Aoi Asahina.
Asahina, the ultimate swimming pro was visiting today. She sat between Akane and Koizumi, chatting merrily away about one thing or the other. Mitori always got jumpy and scared around her, saying something about “bringing up bad memories” before running off. Saionji liked her well enough. Well enough, at least, to deem her “big sis” whenever she brought fresh donuts from the outside. The nickname might not have stood up as well had Saionji not been supplied with the sugary snacks. Akane, and, by her side, Nidai, butt in occasionally- something about training and collaboration, workouts, schedules, athletics, the like.
Hinata freezes. It is as though Hinata's heart is pulled right into his throat by a single strand of golden hesitation. Nagito, hands folded over the tabletop, listens intently to what Asahina is saying, hair spilling out over his coat's hood, as he leans forward slightly, tired eyes and weary smile. It's that little whisper of a thought in Hinata's head. It's not exactly a real phrase, and if anything, it's more of a feeling that somewhat resembles embarrassment and a little bit of longing. It's alright though because it happens every morning. Get to the restaurant late, apple pancakes, make some excuse or find a reason to stare at his favorite eye candy, smile at him, maybe talk with him if he's feeling brave and spend the rest of the day doing nothing. Wash, rinse, repeat. Only it gets easier every day because he is slowly familiarizing himself with Nagito. Nagito is getting used to him, not unlike a skittish animal. The first days of Nagito being awake, he was locked away in his room, which made it hard for Hinata to stare at him. At least, until Nagito let him into his cottage, him and him alone.
It had been the source of many a heated, fitful dream. Besides waking up feeling uncomfortably sticky down below... His train of thought escapes the rails in a brief collision with reality. What had he been doing?
Asahina- right, Asahina instead of Makoto.
Something like that.
Gundam and Souda had already left, which, again, was normal enough. However, Sonia is notably absent. Gundam, he knows, wouldn’t bother to stick around, not for anybody beyond Makoto, who entertains his outlandish stories, and Yasuhiro, who actively participates in them and who Gundam completely adores. Souda is about the same, having taken a strange liking to Byakuya, Makoto, and also Hina. But he’s been busy with projects lately- it makes sense. Sonia, though, is rarely ever missing from their meetings. She treats every visitor with grace and some regal air, as though she had never truly stepped off the throne. As though it were some ambassador duty, with warfare levels of importance.
Hinata tries to shrug it off. He notes the empty chairs on either side of Nagito- two in both directions. People have still largely shut him out. He looks lonely, though, sitting by himself all the time, every morning, and that doesn’t sit well with Hinata, ever.
He pulls out the chair and sees Nagito's dark eyes whisk up to him, expectant, patient. They do this every day, but it's clear to Hinata that Nagito still doesn't deem himself worthy of Hinata's time. Rather, Izuru's time.
“Mornin’...” He huffed as he sat down, entirely composed. This entire a lie, however, and in reality, Hinata can say this of how he truly feels: Bedhead and bleary eyes make for a good look on Nagito. Though his regular hair isn't far off from bedhead.
The moment he’s in place, he starts digging into his breakfast, because conversations starters are neither his, nor Nagito’s forte. It’s easy once the conversation is started, but sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on breaking the ice when all Hinata can really think about is how Nagito still puts up with that smothering coat in this boiling weather, it’s like he’s trying to cover up his sex appeal-
"Good morning to you, as well," Comes the light response, and Nagito twists around a bit in a way that tells Hinata that he's now the center of Nagito's attention. Nagito's eyelashes catch in the light and his smile is the only hint he'll allow that says, ‘Thanks for taking the time to speak to me again this morning, I’m honored.’
“I’m just saying that a monkey would probably be just as qualified, if not more qualified and capable to a worldwide race than a fish," Akane boisterously stated, her shirt trembling with the weight of her… endowments. Souda frequently elbowed him in the gut and leaned over to whisper about it, and Nagito had said as much aloud, but to Hinata, it had always been just another reminder that Akane will never wear a bra. “Slower on the straights, yeah, but they can go where they please. Fish are limited to water, and sometimes they even have to fight a current!”
“Well, that’s true…” Asahina sighed. “No, I totally see your point, good call.”
“Of course it’s a good call. I’m no dummy.”
"But what about a flying fish? If they jump, then rivers working backward wouldn't be an issue. And there is a way around the world only by water, I’m sure.”
Hinata started to feel his tie clamping around his neck and, as though seconding the motion, and indignant red heat wavered over his cheeks, He had nothing to say, and Nagito just was... staring at him. He knew had put on his tie too tight that morning, but- fiddling with it in front of Nagito? Very low on his list of things to do. Hinata just kept eating and felt his shirt began to swallow him whole as he shrunk back into it. Nagito was now glancing between him and the conversation he’d been participating in- and then back at Hinata, as though expecting him to say something. It’s a general rule of thumb that you don’t just say "Good Morning" to somebody only to promptly ignore them. It's just that Hinata can’t think of a single thing to say that he’d have the gall to carry through with.
Murphy’s law, or anxiety.
It was getting uncomfortable really quickly, and Hinata's throat had gone from compressed, to a vice, to the vocal equivalent of a bear trap in a matter of seconds. It made it worse to know that Nagito was an early riser and had finished his breakfast probably ages ago. He was here only, as far as Hinata could tell, to lazily listen to Asahina, and to greet him in the morning as a friend. It puts pressure on him. He wishes silently to any passing spirit to grant him the strength enough to say something. Anything.
He looked around at the friends within earshot, weighing the pros and cons for a moment, wondering how much respect he would lose from everybody if he were to say “lovely weather we’re having” to one of his closest friends, as a last resort. He wanted to bet a lot. Besides, Nagito would take it as some indication that he’s hard to talk to, which wasn't entirely incorrect, and then he'd probably proceed to degrade himself for the next couple hours.
“...Shit…”
Hinata muttered aloud, apparently loud enough to be audible.
“Hinata, are you okay?” Already he saw guilt plastered on Nagito’s face. “Have I done something wrong?”
"No, you literally just sat there," He wants to comment, but now he needs an answer, something, anything, say anything-
“Hey- I’m not feeling well,” He blurts out suddenly, making Asahina stop mid-sentence to look over as she notices him for the first time all morning. Nagito almost flinches. Smooth, Hinata. About as smooth as crunchy peanut butter on a cactus.
“Oh,” Nagito says, blinking at him with the innocence of a kitten. Only the effect is missing because Hinata knows that Nagito is susceptible to sawing off vital limbs and stabbing himself repeatedly before he commits suicide by spear and poison. “That’s dreadful! Do you need me to walk you back to your room?”
"Yeah, that sucks! Feel better, Hajime!" Asahina smiles, one of Teruteru's freshly fried donuts in hand. She gives him a hearty wink, and he's not sure it means what he thinks it means.
More on Nagito’s question, though… should he risk it? It really is a game of chance with Nagito, but when has it ever not been? Risk the embarrassment of having nothing to say, or lose time with him? Hinata also wonders how he can practically swan-dive into this many mistakes just by going through a daily routine when nothing in the slightest had happened before. It's before noon, and he's already sure he's just about ruined his day.
"Sure, thanks," He says, nodding as a double reassurance because he can't find it in himself to turn down Nagito… not with that bedhead.
They stand together, and Hinata’s hands find the rim of his plate, only to see and feel Nagito’s hands over his, pushing them back down gently. Nagito’s hands, his steel one too, pushing down the plate for him. “Don’t worry about that- I’ll take care of it for you later.”
“Oh, thanks,” He grapples for words, with little success, as he clumsily sets down the ceramic plate with a loud thunk.
He waves once at the others as he leaves, Nagito at his side, brushing open the restaurant door and helping him down the steps. Once they were outside, however, Hinata realized how foolish it was to take up Nagito on a trip back to his cottage, even if the walk was short.
“So, what’s wrong?” Nagito asks, again, in a surprisingly gentle manner. Surprisingly gentle is an accurate way to describe Nagito after the program. Though practically everything he does now could be considered totally docile by comparison.
It's only at this moment that Hinata realizes how shallow his forethought had been into this whole thing. He could've at least thought through the lie a little bit before committing to it. Had the program taught him anything at all?
He doesn’t answer Immediately, instead casually looking at Nagito as they walk, and takes a moment to remember that this boy drives him crazy. The way Nagito makes eye contact with him when they stand close, sometimes to an almost uncomfortable degree. Or the way he looks down when he’s standing alone, relaxed posture, hands in his pockets, making his elbows come out, and his hair spill out over his shoulders in tufts.His soft grip, even with a mechanic hand, or the way his speech only become, and has only ever become compromised when he’s embarrassed. The way Hinata starts thinking about his own hands around him, and how off-putting it could be.
Back in the program, he'd spent an hour trying to articulate it to Chiaki, a real human person who could relate to the matter, he had thought, and she'd told him that he was probably trying and failing to repress a crush. But it wasn't that- Hinata was absolutely positive. True, Chiaki would still know more about it than him, even as an AI, and she herself wasn’t dealing with the dilemma of possibly falling for a literal sociopath. She might’ve also been a little more welcome to the idea because of that- but surely Hinata was above that much. If the Nagito who had woken him up, and investigated with him, and was his friend at the start was the Nagito they knew, then yes, there was a possibility.
Well, either way, even. But that was who he'd originally loved- even if it had mutated, Nagito was still Nagito.
“Hinata?”
“What?!”
“Oh- I’m sorry, I just asked you what was wrong.”
“Oh, right.” Hinata shrugged. He couldn't have denied being a little distracted. “Uh, my head hurts.”
It was true enough, really. He just didn't mind headaches all that much anymore. After all, he'd just recently undergone a minor brain surgery with Tsumiki and a few other medical personnel from Future Foundation to try and help minimize Kamakura's activity in his brain. Headaches for the following weeks was a pretty tame side effect in his book.
“I'm a little dizzy.” That was more of a lie, but only because he doesn’t think Nagito would buy the fact that he wants to go back to his room because of a headache alone.
“I’m sorry, Hinata, are you sure hanging around me isn’t doing you harm? It might be my fault.”
“Not everything that goes wrong is your fault. Probably just the surgery after-effects or something. Or, I don’t know, Izuru is angry... I don't know.”
“The surgery didn’t fix the problem entirely?”
“Not even close. He's- you know, he’s still rattling in there, talking to me… He's annoying.”
Nagito slowed his pace, seeing as they were a couple strides away from Hinata's cottage anyway. "Hinata, are you sure there's nothing I can do for you? Water, medicine, anything?"
"Oh! Hello, Nagito and Hinata! Another gorgeous day, today isn't it!"
Hinata swiveled around, looking behind him to see Sonia calling out to them from in front of her cottage, waving happily. He sees Nagito raise his hand halfway, dropping it a little bit, before picking it back up and giving probably the timidest wave he's ever seen, while Hinata just nods to acknowledge her.
He probably wouldn’t have minded if she hadn’t skipped breakfast, but Hinata noticed a letter with a crisp envelope in her hand.
“Who’s that for?” He called out, and it was awkward to be yelling like this in front of Nagito, but once he’s curious there's nothing you can do to stop that urge. It appeared to be a good call, something he wanted to know more about by the way Sonia flusteredly played with the edge of her skirt with her free hand. A decent liar- even a passable liar- Sonia Nevermind was certainly not. “Oh- just, uh, just a letter to Touko! Who else do I write to? You asked, so I shall answer- it’s not important- good day to you both!”
In a flurry of activity that seemed almost unreasonable given that she was only turning around and escaping into her cottage, she was gone.
“While that seems… suspicious,” Nagito said.
“She can get pretty suspicious sometimes, but it's never anything sinister,” Hinata agreed, almost marveling at that skill. “I mean- don’t get me wrong, who doesn’t love Sonia? But still.”
"No, no, of course, I get it," Nagito shrugged. "Still, she's dreadful at covering for herself. I suppose if she is as fair and as honest of a princess as they say she is… maybe she doesn't need to be."
Hinata could only have been curious about the letter, and he supposed that he could always snap a quick read of it later. He knew it was the wrong thing to do in a lot of regards, but it probably wouldn't be too personal. There’s a 95% chance that it was for Touko. The two had become pen pals and had bonded over a mutual dislike for real-time text messages, and a shared love for the written-by-hand word. As far as the letter- Hinata was never not in favor of something interesting. The alternative to some irregularity was just hanging out with the same people in the same weather, wondering if time was really passing in the outside world at all. Maybe Izuru really wanted something new, or maybe it was Hinata craving the change this time. Maybe a rare communal thought.
“Let’s just leave her be,” He suggested. “I need a serious power nap.”
Nagito nodded, guiding Hinata the last couple feet to his door, watching as Hinata pretended to fiddle with his key. At least Ibuki hadn’t broken this one- the door, not the key.
“Seriously Hinata, is there anything I can do for you at all? Like- anything?”
Hinata opens his door finally, and looks back at Nagito, studying his face. He really is concerned. A genuine, domestic concern over a friend with a headache. Cute, but he would never tell.
“I’m okay. But thanks.”
“Offering was the least I could do," Nagito mumbled back. “I mean- I guess I’ll see you later. Feel better.”
Hinata choked out, as Nagito turned and started to walk- “Um, yeah you too!”
Hinata slunk behind his door and closed it, and the silence embraced him. He took a moment to breathe, backing up to lean against the wall in peace for a moment.
Hinata felt his cheeks start to burn as his own stupidity washes over him. He just hoped Nagito wouldn't bring it up. He probably wouldn't, it was a stupid little mistake, but god, embarrassment wasn't relenting when it came to Hinata with Nagito. And had he really just said, "You too" back to him? The phrase echoed in his head. Embarrassingly horrible timing and rusty conversational skills pervaded in his thoughts, and they would for a long time afterward- he was sure.
Goddamnit.
On another note, his head did suddenly lurch in pain, which only ever meant one thing.
“What do you want?” He asked, already aware that Izuru never came without reason.
“I would like to go inspect the letter the boring blonde left behind.”
“Her name is Sonia, she isn’t boring, and it’s totally an infringement of privacy,” Hinata countered dully, frowning somewhat as he felt a growing pain in his temples.
“Does privacy really exist anymore?” Izuru asked.
“... Fine, but I'm telling you right now that if we get in trouble-" Pausing after realizing there wasn't much of a consequence he could mete out to someone who primarily existed in his own headspace. "But we're waiting 20 minutes before we go. I want the breakfast crew to be out first. Less chance of being seen."
“A wise course of attack.”
He'd wait, swipe it, read it, then put it back. No harm done. It was probably something useless anyway. It had no impact on him at all.
Probably.
_ [_*_] _ [_*_] _ [_*_] _
In his defense, Makoto certainly looked guilty. The unrest was plain to see on his face, and, less obviously so, in his shoulder, in his posture, his mannerisms. Not that Hinata would let that stop him.
“I can’t believe you told everybody!” He cried at the monitor. Waving Sonia’s letter at the pixelated face. “How could you?! That was like my biggest secret, you jackass!”
Makoto looked honestly slightly scared, which was enough to make Hinata take a double take. Makoto wasn’t somebody who deserved to be yelled at under any circumstance. Any circumstance but this, that is.
‘I thought you said you didn’t," Makoto mumbled.
“I don’t!” He snapped, but it was probably too late. Like Makoto hadn’t known from the very start. “How did Fukawa and Sonia hear about this?!”
"I'm sorry!" He pleaded desperately. "I really am!"
Hinata just glowered at him from his end. For Makoto to be borderline cowering behind his hands over his cell phone, and Hinata's laptop made Hinata feel almost a little guilty, but certainly not enough that he'd relent just yet.
The letter in question had been as follows:
Dear Touko,
I am surprised but not in the least doubtful that you found out about Naegi and Hajime saying such things. I, personally, have already noticed Nagito and Hinata courting each other timidly, and I am so excited to know that my very best pen pal thinks the same of it. Nagito could really use somebody to trust and rely on, and who suits such a role better than the man who gave him such a vital second chance and his hope? More outside the program than inside of it, I see this gratitude in Nagito. He has clearly had eyes for Hinata since the very beginning. They would be so very cute together… though I am not sure what this 'BL' term you mention means… I cannot find it in any dictionaries here, and I do not want to ask anybody about what we write, so I shall request this of you instead- Please explain the phrase so that I may better understand your culture and vernacular!. Also, please be safe. I hear that progress in Towa city has been slowed again. Please be wary! I could not stand losing my best friend! Say a very gracious hello to Byakuya and Syo for me. I shall start editing the chapters you sent to me immediately. I shall also be sure to give you a full report about the books you sent. Do not worry! Stay out of trouble. Do not sneeze!
Yours,
Sonia Nevermind
“So how’d she find out about it?!” Hinata demanded. The interaction that morning- the activity, the- the damn letter. She knew.
“Komaru might’ve blabbed- I swear, I don’t know-”
Hinata flinched. “You told your sister that I have a crush on Nagito?! You know I don't in the first place, but you told your sister?!"
“You say that now, but after Tuesday,” Makoto paused, swallowing with obvious discomfort.
"That was two days ago! How'd they find out so fast?" He asked, less out of anger now. It seemed like such a short time span. For news to circulate so fast when it's the only mode of travel and delivery was the inhabitants of the island by mouth or letter- it was frustrating.
“I mean… Have you ever talked to either of them about it? You really, you know. Seem to care a lot about the issue."
"He's my friend. Of course, I care about him. And no one else is gonna give him a chance after everything. And seriously, Tuesday wasn't... It wasn't like-"
The look on Makoto's face was telling, in short.
_ [_*_] _ [_*_] _ [_*_] _
Makoto had come to spend the night with Hinata on Tuesday. It was a rare occasion, not because they wouldn't want to, but because future foundation staff so rarely got that much time off. Makoto tried to make it once a month, but even that became ambitious at times. Makoto saved the extra hours for when he really needed it- like that Tuesday. A day where Kirigiri had been out on an overnight mission and he was afraid of being home alone after his time at Hope's Peak Academy. He couldn't have just gone to Togami. His next best solution had been to utilize his minuscule time slot for leisure and to seek counsel from Hinata.
Makoto, as a social person, and Hinata, as a guy who couldn’t start a conversation to save his life, resorted to playing stupid party games all night- and then some into the early morning. Sleep was rare everywhere. They were too tired to think properly anymore, and their words were more loaded than normal because they couldn’t afford to find the effort it took to lighten them. Buzzed without alcohol on pure exhaustion, both were only brutally honest. A bonding activity in a trivial and slightly demented way.
That night’s game of choice had been "Hotseat". Because Hinata was too lazy to think of anything else, and it was as close to a proper conversation as he could manage to hold nowadays. Maybe with a side of 'I hate myself' from Hinata’s end because he didn’t need Izuru to tell him that there were very few ways this would go in his favor.
Hotseat- essentially truth or dare without the pass option, the daring, or the publicity. After having first played it, Hinata might say that it was like 20 questions only a lot more hardcore and full of regret, rather than the knowledge of somebody's favorite color.
Hinata remembered feeling at a complete loss as Makoto asked the most loaded question of the night- one he never thought he would ever try to verbalize an answer for.
"Why are you always so hot-and-cold with Nagito?"
And it made Hinata stop in his very tired, used-to-be-happy tracks. It was something he couldn’t really work though internally, forget externally. It just wasn’t happening.
Why did he act the way he did around Nagito? It was hard to pin down. Nothing was really set in stone when it came to Nagito because Nagito never stopped changing. He was, in a word, sporadic. While that was fine for Izuru, and even though it had calmed after the new-world program… it really made it hard to have a solid opinion about him. Especially when the changes were so quick.
There was no telling what he’d do, no telling what could or would happen, no telling how’d you react until it was already over, except-
"I don't know," Hinata admitted. "I think- jeez, uh... I'm just really stumped by him. I'm stuck in this middle ground of being his best friend and his worst enemy. And I can't work at being one or the other, that's the other thing. He just turns on a dime and then I'm back to square zero with him."
“You?” Makoto asked. “Indifferent about Nagito?"
“I know, I know, it sounds weird, and it’s really hard to be indifferent to him, but I don't blindly decide to hate him like the others. He's the kind of guy that you have to decide whether you love or hate- I just haven't made that decision yet… I'm not saying I don't feel strongly about the guy because I do- it's just weird. I feel like something's missing about him, you know I need to find like- a Rosetta stone or some shit."
“Are you sure? You don’t sound indifferent to me.” Makoto shrugged, eyes cast downwards as he took another drink from his bottle of water. Like many other members of Future Foundation, Makoto brought his own water, having found that the natural springs on the island provided water so far from his own refined tastes that he almost couldn't drink it at all. Life with bottled water was, apparently, a strict one.
“Look- I hated his hand, I hated seeing it. I hate how much he hates himself, I hate how the others treat him, and I hate how he can be so indecisive, but then everything is really important to him, and I really hate that all his beliefs have such a heavy impact on us...”
Makoto bit his lip. “You bring up a good point. But, I don’t think the others hate him. I think they hate the power he has over them, knowing how unstable he is as a person.”
Hinata sat with that for a minute. "I mean- it's totally possible. I just don't think we can really verbalize why some of us feel the way we do. It's like a family problem. Like how you make one argument into so many things in your head, but really it's none of those, and you're not sure how to verbalize what it actually is. It's in part because you don't know, but mostly because you don't know why it works in the first place?" Hinata's words are tired, and he isn't making much sense to himself anymore. "Like, we all get this feeling in your chest about him, but we don't verbalize it well enough to solve our problems with it."
"That… makes sense," Makoto nodes. "But I think that you'll be able to figure it out eventually. I mean, you, especially, because from the way you look at him, you want to jump his bones, and you should at least know how you feel about a guy before you jump into bed with him."
Hinata flinched and felt a heat wave slam the front of his face. “Who- me?!”
“Yes you,” Says Makoto wearily. He looks at him blankly.
“Oh, shut up," Hinata says, one hand swiping uselessly at the air. “I just miss the old him, you know? It was the, you know... like, what could’ve been- if you accused me of loving the really cute guy who woke me up when we first entered the program? Sure- if you accused me of loving Nagito, it's a different thing."
“But he’s treating you differently now. He’s way more like the old Nagito than the one you found after the first trial. Or, I mean," Makoto trails off after this point, and Hinata has interrupted him anyways- "Not that I'd really know, I'm just goin' off what you told me."
“No, he's treating me way different now,” Hinata says bitterly.
"I think I understand," Makoto says. "You're talking about his... You know, him being so compliant?"
Hinata scowled suddenly. "Of course I am! He licks the very ground we walk upon. He's a total suck-up- like he's more determined to be a slave than a friend- all because of hope or something. My old friend, I mean, like, the self-loathing, charming, cute, kind of funny friend I used to have- totally replaced by whatever the hell is happening now!"
A pause. "Shit," Said Hinata.
"You just unironically called him cute and charming, and funny," Makoto said, in a sing-songy, lazy voice. "Turns out we didn't need Kiri to break you after all. Good, good. I'll let her know."
“No! Not what I mean- What did you say about Kirigiri?!”
“Kiri... Hi... nata... is in... the... closet," Makoto sounded out as tapped at the surface of his phone.
“Are you- Are you texting her that? I'm not! Nagito is just a friend, we're friends- don’t you dare send that text to her!"