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Bakugou is excited to go to Yuuei. He is excited not only because it's fucking Yuuei and he's going to be the best damn hero the world had ever seen- but also because he is excited to go where no one knows him by the wrong name or the wrong words. He is excited to never have to wonder when someone's going to fuck up- intentionally or not- and call him something he isn't.
And then Deku gets into Yuuei, too. And then Deku is in the same class, too.
Deku, who had known Bakugou the longest, despite Bakugou's best efforts; Deku, who his parents had too often tried to get him to get along with, despite Bakugou's best efforts; Deku, who tagged along and followed and watched and asked question after question until all Bakugou wanted was to be rid of him. Deku, who had slipped up on more than one occasion- no more than anyone else, sure, but often enough when each wrong name and each wrong word is like a punch to the gut that Bakugou has no way of defending against. Deku, who, despite his quirklessness, despite his weakness, has power over Bakugou merely by his ability to misspeak.
Deku lets slip the borrowed nature of his quirk- something that apparently was a secret. It doesn't make any fucking sense to Bakugou. Deku's whole sudden display of a quirk doesn't make any fucking sense to Bakugou. What does make sense, though- if Deku is willing to spill this, then when would Deku spill what he knew of Bakugou?
His parents get used to it, more or less. They express acceptance at having a son, whether they want one or not. They accept his name, whether they miss the old one or not. They keep the old photos in which they'd dressed him in ways to show he's something he isn't but they no longer display them. Coming out to them is like swallowing rocks. It is painful and sharp and ugly and leaves Bakugou vulnerable. He hates vulnerability and he hates the knowledge that one wrong word could act as a knife in the ribs. He hates the idea of anyone having power over him. At Yuuei, he resolves to never be anything but the best Bakugou Katsuki that he can be. He resolves to never come out to anyone ever again.
Kirishima calls him manly.
Kirishima insists his bizarre fixation with manliness is genderless, and he calls other classmates manly, too. That doesn't stop Bakugou from feeling a heady rush of- relief? satisfaction? certainly not happiness- whenever Kirishima congratulates his sparring (“Woah, that's a manly punch, Bakugou!”) or his training (“Manly explosion, dude!”) or even his appetite (“That curry is how spicy? Dang, Bakugou, that's manly.”) with an unintentional confirmation.
Bakugou tells himself he doesn't care. Of course he's manly. He's a man. He doesn't need anyone reminding him. He doesn't need any validation.
Bakugou's cramps are usually fine. When they aren't, when they get bad enough that he feels like he's going to puke, he claims a stomachache. Kirishima tells him to tone down the spice (“It's not like it'll be any less manly if you take out a few chili peppers, bro”). Bakugou doesn't.
When Kirishima criticizes him, Bakugou pretends not to listen. But “It's not manly to-” stings sharper than intended.
Deku copies his moves. It reminds Bakugou of just how closely Deku has watched him, over the years, and makes his skin crawl. Deku knows too fucking much. Deku knows how he fights and how he moves and Deku knows the name Bakugou killed and buried years ago.
Bakugou breaks himself and twists himself and it's not enough. Nothing is ever enough. Not in hollow victories and not in slow progress and not in the times he's reminded that there are staff who know. He hates visits to Recovery Girl for more than the fact that injury indicates failure even when he's told he's won.
Tiger is trans. Bakugou pushes aside an unbidden desire to talk to him. Bakugou's there to train, not to talk. Tiger transitioned a long time ago, after already being a known pro hero. Bakugou Katsuki was always going to be Bakugou Katsuki.
Kirishima encourages him to join the others in the hot spring. Bakugou tells him to fuck off. Bakugou pretends not to notice the disappointment on Kirishima's face when he realizes nothing he can say is going to get Bakugou to budge.
Bakugou budges, later, when Kirishima calls out to him.
Moving into the dorms is uncomfortable. He shouldn't have to feel grateful that his room is in the correct wing, but he does and he hates that he does. Bakugou keeps his binders and toiletries hidden away and keeps his door shut and locked.
Bakugou fails. He can't rescue himself and he can't rescue All Might and he can't rescue idiot judges that aren't even actually fucking injured. He can't win against One for All and he can't win his license and he can't win against the fucking bathroom mirror. He takes hotter and hotter showers so the fog obscures the reflection that takes too long to recognize.
His body doesn't feel real except when he's fighting so he laughs at the walls like he always does and he fights like he always does.
Deku spills again, this time about All Might.
But he still hasn't told anyone about Bakugou.
Bakugou tries harder, until his hands hurt and his muscles burn and the ache of exercise helps to remind him of who he is. Kirishima joins him more often than not (“It's manly to train with your friends!”) and it's not out of pity and it's not a hindrance so Bakugou doesn't mind.
Kirishima is spending a lot of time with Deku, lately. Bakugou waits. Deku's made it this far without fucking him over, but Bakugou isn't about to let his guard down. He isn't about to let himself stop hating the fact that Deku could say just one wrong word and, maybe, maybe then Kirishima wouldn't call Bakugou manly, anymore.
Not that Bakugou cares. Not that he wants the validation. Bakugou would still be manly even if Kirishima stopped thinking of him as such. Since when did he start caring what anyone thought of him?
But Kirishima seems to care what Bakugou thinks of him, when Bakugou visits him in the hospital. Bakugou isn't even sure of what exactly it is that he thinks of Kirishima, himself. He doubts he's much help. He's never been much help to anyone. He tries, sometimes- he tried in tutoring Kirishima, he tried in cheering up Kirishima. Bakugou has never really cared about being bad at helping before. He's never really cared about helping at all. Maybe it's the remedial course or maybe it's the way Kirishima laughs without malice, making his ears burn, but Bakugou does want to help, now.
Kirishima confides that, sitting there in the hospital bed, broken and bandaged, he doesn't feel manly. Bakugou confides that, maybe, sometimes, he doesn't feel manly, either. They're both still men, though.
But they aren't, really- they're only boys.
Kirishima stops him on the way home one weekend and invites him out to a movie. He still has cuts and bruises and is more nervous than Bakugou has ever seen him.
It's just a movie.
Bakugou has a good time.
Deku still hasn't told anyone. Bakugou hasn't been called the wrong name or words in a long time. Sometimes he forgets that he has to be wary. Sometimes he forgets that it's unusual to change in the bathroom stall when going in and out of his hero costume. Sometimes he forgets the helplessness of the possibility of being outed.
Fucking finally, Bakugou gets his provisional license. He would be back to feeling like himself except that Kirishima makes him feel off. It's not necessarily bad. It's just off. When Kirishima hugs him in celebration of his victory, Bakugou barely manages to catch himself from hugging him back.
Kirishima invites him out to his uncle's empty beach house. Bakugou lies, claiming he doesn't know how to swim. Kirishima offers to teach him. Bakugou lies again, claiming he doesn't like the water because it disables his quirk. Kirishima laughs and asks why Bakugou would possibly need his quirk on a beach trip.
Bakugou tells too much of the truth. He doesn't want to be quirkless- defenseless- no matter where he is. Kirishima goes quiet and apologizes for being thoughtless. He looks sad. Bakugou hates it, so he asks if anyone else is going (“No,” and Kirishima laughs again, and Bakugou can't read it). Kirishima promises that Bakugou doesn't have to go in the water, if he doesn't want to. And he promises, too, that if Bakugou does, he'll keep Bakugou safe.
Bakugou believes him.
While Kirishima swims, Bakugou stays on the beach. Kirishima doesn't comment.
That night, Kirishima tells Bakugou more details about the fight during his internship. Kirishima tells him that Bakugou was part of the reason he was able to make it out alive. Kirishima tells him that he-
He laughs and his hands twist in his lap and Bakugou doesn't understand. Bakugou doesn't understand but he trusts Kirishima and maybe there's something to be said for having someone to trust. Bakugou doesn't trust very many people. He doesn't trust Deku- because of and despite everything- he doesn't trust any of his old classmates, he doesn't trust many of his current classmates, he doesn't trust many pro heroes.
He's used to keeping to himself and keeping his own council and he's never needed otherwise. But, maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting otherwise, occasionally. Maybe there's nothing wrong with trusting Kirishima.
Coming out to Kirishima is quiet and hurts, a hand held too long and too close to a candle flame, a drowning in warm water. It leaves Bakugou vulnerable but it's a different kind of vulnerability than it has been before. Kirishima helps Bakugou swim and pulls Bakugou's hand from the fire into his grasp and maybe being vulnerable around Kirishima isn't so bad.
Kirishima keeps his promise.
Kirishima keeps Bakugou safe.