"Should I?"

by orphan_account

Summary:

In Dwarven culture hair cutting is seen as one of the most grievous types of self harm.

Bilbo has yet to discover this.

Notes:

This is my first "The Hobbit" fanfiction so I truly hope that you enjoy it! There will be more chapters arriving in the near future.

I felt the need to fix this chapter up a bit, sorry for the inconvinence. I felt as though I did not take the correct approach.

Thank you!

Chapter 1: Chapter One

Bilbo made his way towards the river, running his fingers through his long curly hair as a long sigh escaped his lips. “I need this.” He mumbled to himself as he began to unbutton his shirt along with removing the rest of his clothing. Awaiting a much needed bath.

He slowly submerged his body into the frigid river, humming along to a song that he would catch Thorin singing when without company. He missed moments like this- having no worries about where their path may lie. He was finally left to his thoughts.

Though, those thoughts may hold more than he had hoped.

Bilbo was pulled out of his trance by the sounds footsteps behind him, his eyes wide in fear as he realized how vulnerable he was in the open river. Away from his family. His fears deceived him for as he turned, his came face to face with Thorin. His eyes closed as he let out a breath he had been holding.

“Master Baggins-”

“Bilbo, please.” Bilbo cut Thorin off, a small smile placed upon his face. “You should give warning before you approach another. Especially at a time such as this.” He added as he slicked his wet hair back, removing it from his line of sight.

“My apologies, Bilbo.” He replied, looking down at the Hobbit that looked so devourable . Exposed within the clear water. His face held no expression but yet his eyes held much.

Bilbo caught onto Thorin’s lustful yet loving gaze. “Care to join me, Thorin?” he teased, sensually biting his lip as he looked up at the Dwarf before him. He stood up from the water, exposing his torso. Droplets from the clear liquid began to fall from his pale skin, easily bruised skin. The love bites stayed for weeks.

“ Gilthok” Thorin mumbled to himself as said Hobbit lifted himself out of the water, sitting by the edge with a towel-like cloth in hand.

“Maybe another time then?” Bilbo spoke, loosley wrapping the cloth around his hips. “I find that we may have work to attend to.” He added with a small smirk on his face.

Damn it all

Thorin placed his hands on his lover’s hips, pulling him closer. “We have some time to spare.”

Bilbo gently wrapped his arms around Thorin’s neck, standing on his toes in order to reach his lover’s gaze. “Dwarves are supposed to be short.” He stated, his voice laced with light annoyance.

“Do not act as though you mind the size difference. I do recall the moment you stated that you prefer larger men, no?” The Dwarf replied with a smirk placed upon his face, watching as the smaller turned a lovely shade of pink.

Bilbo rolled his eyes, ignoring the ever growing blush that was placed upon his face. He was about to speak but Thorin captured his lips in a kiss before a single word could escape. Thorin laced his tongue against Bilbo’s lips, silently wishing for permission to continue.

Bilbo let out a small moan as he granted access, loving the feeling of Thorin’s tongue against his.

Thorin let out a small chuckle within the kiss, loving the sounds that the smaller made while in pleasure. He tightened his grip on Bilbo’s hips, grinding against him. He wanted to hear more.

For the next few moments, they fought over the control of Bilbo's mouth. Thorin was winning the battle, which meant that Bilbo had to use his brain, which he then naturally did. He removed his hand from Thorin’s neck and gently traced his hand down his body, pausing as he reached the Dwarf’s clothed member. He proceeded to lightly grab said member.

As Bilbo had anticipated, Thorin gasped. He managed to use the situation to his advantage, licking his way into Thorin's open mouth.

It took Thorin a moment to collect himself - Once he had his breathing under control again, Thorin opened his eyes and began to answer Bilbo's kisses, more aggressively than before. Immediately after, he lifted the hobbit within his arms. Letting him wrap his legs around said Dwarf’s waist.

“That was a dirty trick, Hobbit.” He spoke, looking into the other’s eyes.

“It worked though, didn’t it?” Bilbo replied as he loosened his grip around Thorin, letting his feet touch the ground once more. “I simply asked if you would like to take a bath with me, Oakenshield. I wonder why your mind went- there .” He added in a teasing tone as he began to get dressed, leaving a half-hard thorin behind him.

“Maybe we can go there later, there is still much to do.” The Hobbit spoke once more, winking as he did so.

Thorin rolled his eyes at the Hobbit’s antics as he gently pressed a kiss to his cheek before whispering “My Nogazen.” into his ear. He then made his way back to the camp.

Bilbo finished getting dressed, with a slight blush on his face, repeatedly pushing his hair behind his ears as it had been getting in the way of his sight.

“It is getting quite long, Is it not?” He mumbled to himself as he ran his fingers through said curly hair.

Bilbo pulled out a small pocket knife that had been hidden within his pocket, contemplating cutting of his golden locks.

He quickly sliced through an inch thick of hair as he watched his reflection in the water below.

“Not bad.” He spoke aloud as he continued to slice his hair- landing in the water.

"Bilbo..."

As Thorin’s words trailed off, Bilbo turned to face the Dwarf. His eyes were filled with confusion as he noticed the horrified look within those usually charming blue eyes.

“What are you doing?” He silently yelled, ripping the small blade out of Bilbo’s hand.

Bilbo paused for a moment, confused as to why Thorin reacted the way he did. “I was cutting my hair, was that not obvious? Now, could I please have my blade back?” He replied, a hint of sarcasm laced his words.

The look of horror on Thorin’s face intensified, he gripped the small blade tightly as if he feared to let it go. “Why?” He spoke, kneeling down next to Bilbo as he gently ran his large fingers though the Hobbit’s hair.

Bilbo pushed Thorin’s hand off of him, beginning to feel a bit irritated. “I’ve been cutting my hair for years, Oakenshield, just because I am in the company of unkempt dwarves such as yourself does not mean that I must act the same.”

Thorin took a closer look, realizing how much hair Bilbo had managed to cut off. “ Years.” He mumbled to himself as he met Bilbo’s strong gaze. Now it is clear as to why his hair had never been that long in general. ‘How could I not have noticed?’ Thorin thought to himself, feeling a wave of guilt come over him.

The dwarves whom did practice hair cutting only cut off one piece at a time, yet Bilbo had sliced off the majority of his hair. What has caused him so much pain to turn to this sort of harm?

Bilbo got up from where he had been sitting, “I am going to head back to the camp - If you wish to continue this conversation with more of an explanation. I am willing to listen.” He spoke before he walked away.

As the Hobbit walked back to the camp, the looks of concern that were aimed at him did not go unnoticed. He took a deep breath as he made it to his Bed Roll, ready to get some rest. Along with some time away from the Dwarves odd behavior.

Thorin was only a minute behind Bilbo, reaching the camp shortly after said Halfling had gone to rest. Expectedly, he was bombarded with questions concerning their burglar.

“What happened to Bilbo?”

“Is he alright?”

“Why is his hair like that- surely he did not do it himself.”

“Who do I have to kill ?”

Thorin kept his expression cold, wanting to appear as the King they needed. Even if he was dying inside. “I caught Bilbo cutting his hair by the river.” He spoke, a large sigh escaping his lips.

There was a collective gasp, meaning that everyone had heard his words. Those words had hit them hard.

“What could have caused him so much pain in such short notice? He seemed fine earlier!” Kili replied, his eyes beginning to water slightly.

“His hair was never that long in the first place. I believe that he has been cutting his hair for years, Kili. I fear that it may be worse than we think.” Dwalin added.

Bofur looked down at the ground, feeling sympathy for his- their friend. “We have to help him, we can not let him continue to harm himself.” He finally spoke, watching as everyone nodded in agreement.

Bilbo woke from his slumber the next morning, noticing that everyone had already been up and progressing into their routine. Normally they would have woken up the Hobbit without hesitation, ignoring his blatant stubbornness.

Today was different though. The Dwarves would all send Bilbo a look of concern or encouragement as they walked by - Not bothering to put him to work or anything of the sort.

That was odd.

Bilbo stood up, brushing the dirt off of his pants, with the intent of helping. First, he cleaned up his ‘area’ by packing his bedroll along with putting everything back into his pack. Politely declining whenever someone offered to do such for him.

After said odd start, they continued their travels once again. Bilbo chose to stay quiet, not wanting to hear the company’s answers when they seemed as though they were not their own thoughts.

“Bilbo, are you alright?” Oin asked once again, his voice laced with unease.

Bilbo let a large sigh escape his lips, wondering as to why they continue to expect a different answer. “I’m fine, Oin.” He replied, not able to hide the slight agitation in his voice.

“Give me your pack, you’re obviously not feeling well.” Bofur added, already beginning to remove the Halfling’s pack, only to have Bilbo quickly pull away.

The Hobbit drew his eyebrows close together, running his fingers through his golden hair before he spoke.

Only achieving more looks to turn his way. Only causing his anger to grown as if it were a fire.

“What are you all going on about? I am fine! I do not want to be a burden. For once in my life I would prefer to be ignored.” The Hobbit yelled, balling his fists at his side. He felt a twinge of guilt pool inside of him, realizing that he had yelled at those whom just cared . It was too late now though, he always sticks with what he says. For the most part.

The Dwarves were all taken aback by Bilbo’s sudden outburst, taking a step back.

Bilbo was pleased by the sudden space that they had given him, yet he was still uneasy.

“Why are you going this, Bilbo?” Kili spoke, his voice cracking slightly.

“Doing what? What do you mean?” The Halfling replied, trying to keep calm.

Thorin walked up to Bilbo, gently running his fingers though the Hobbit’s hair. “Why have you cut your hair? That is what we desire to know.”

“My hair? I’ve been cutting my hair for years, It is nothing new. We already discussed this, Thorin. I only forgot to cut said hair since I was traveling with you all, I became distracted and I did not realize how long it had grown. My hair began to get in the way, so I solved the problem. Happy?” He spoke - wondering why all of their expressions had changed to sudden sympathy and shock.

No one spoke for several seconds, leaving an awkward silence to fill the surrounding air.

“Oh, Bilbo. I am so sorry that we hadn’t realized this sooner.”

Bilbo let out a breath that he hadn’t known he was holding, only to choke on words once again as he listened to what else the Dwarves had to say.

“This is much worse than we had anticipated. We’re bringing you back ."

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Summary:

Bilbo and The Company begin to understand things that they did not before.

Notes:

I am so sorry for not updating!

I am not going to give you all excuses for not posting because there are none.

I just did not know how to go about the ending of the story so I refused to touch the story but here we are and I seemingly, well, touched it.

“This is much worse than we had anticipated. We’re bringing you back.”

“What?” Bilbo felt the world around him crumble, his voice sounded so small and broken.

“We’re bringing you back, Bilbo. You are not in the right mindset.” Came Balin’s voice from the crowd of Dwarves.

“ Not in the right mindset?” The Hobbit repeated, “I’m not in the right mindset?” He spoke louder, taking a step towards the company in front of him.

“I am the most level-headed person here! While you all are off risking this quest with your stubbornness and getting yourselves in situations that you are too dull to get yourself out of, I am helping you-” Bilbo paused, letting out a shaky breath before continuing,

“ I am risking my life to get you out of said situations. I do not have to be here but yet here I am and I am here to stay, I promised to help you all and I do not break my promises.” He walked up to Thorin, looking directly into his icy blue eyes.

“You will not throw me away as if I am some failed asset.” The Hobbit finished, refusing to look away from the man he loves.

The company’s eyes all went wide as they stared at the small Hobbit before them, shocked at his words.

“Bilbo…” Thorin suddenly spoke, bringing the Company’s gaze towards him. He reached out and gently placed his hand on the Hobbit’s cheek, wiping away the tear that Bilbo hadn’t known he shed. “You are a valuable member of this company and we would never throw you away, My Nogazen. I am sorry that you thought that.”

Thorin felt a sort of anger inside of him, he did not know why Bilbo thought like that, who made him think like that. He didn’t know why he had cut his hair and why he had been doing it for so long. He did not know many things and that never truly bothered him, he knew what he needed to know and that was enough for him but Bilbo was different . The Dwarf wanted to know everything about Bilbo, the good and the bad.

He hated that he didn’t understand what was going on with the love of his life, he wanted to help but he didn’t know how. He felt as though he failed in a way, he hadn’t realized that Bilbo had been- cutting . He hadn’t been there for him. Bilbo had always been there for him yet the favor truly returned.

Thorin was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts by Bilbo’s voice,

“You do not need to be sorry. I only wish to know why you all had completely switched your demeanor since I cut my hair, why you said that you would send me back to the Shire! What did I do wrong?” He questioned, tearing his gaze away from Thorin in order to make contact with the rest of the company.

“We do not want to send you back to the shire but for the sake of your health, we must! You mean so much to us, Bilbo, and we do not want to see you hurt.” Bofur spoke, his eyes filled with sadness.

Bilbo paused, he was only left with scars and old wounds from the journey so far- he had not gained anything as of late besides a few bruises. He was perfectly fine, there was nothing to be concerned about.

“I assure you that I am not wounded and if I were to be, I would tell you. I cut my hair because it had been getting in the way, I meant nothing by it. It means nothing.” Bilbo replied, letting out a small sigh.

Thorin ran his fingers though Bilbo’s golden curls, a sad smile on his face. “In Dwarven culture, the cutting of hair is seen as a painful endeavor. Only people that have suffered from great loss attempt it. It would be equal to an elf cutting off the tips of their ears or to a Hobbit slicing off their feet.” The Dwarves nodded behind Thorin as he spoke.

“Oh…” Bilbo was at a loss for words, he could not even imagine someone doing such a thing to themselves, the pain they had gone through must have been great in order for such an act to occur. “You thought that I had-” The Hobbit paused, attempting to take in what had been said to him.

They thought that Bilbo had been harming himself, that he had a pain so intense that would lead him to cut his hair. To him, hair was just hair- There was nothing special about it. He had always assumed that Dwarves held hair to a high degree than Hobbits because they all seemed to have such long hair and beards, or most of them- yet he did not expect it to reach this degree.

“Yes, Laddie. We thought that you had suffered a pain so great to the point where you would have caused yourself harm.” Balin answered the question Bilbo had failed to finish.

“We are sorry for assuming that your people hold the same meaning when it comes to hair.”

“Sorry that we jumped to such conclusions, we were just shocked. You have been with us for such a time Bilbo and we seemed to have forgotten that you are not a Dwarf.”

“We see you as one of us, Bilbo.”

The Hobbit was taken aback by all of the apologies that he had received, he was overwhelmed by all of the love that the Dwarves held for him, he had not truly realized the amount that they cared.

“I believe that I understand now, thank you for explaining it to me. I’m sorry that I called you all dull among other things,” Bilbo laughed and so did the rest of the company, “but I assure you that I am fine and I will tell you if I am not.”

Bilbo’s cheeks turned a light pink tone as he suddenly looked down at the ground, “I do hope that you do not find my short hair- displeasing or ugly .” The hobbit stated, biting his bottom lip in anticipation, hoping that they would not be upset by how he looked.

“No!” The whole company shouted, they all stepped closer to their Hobbit- wanting to assure him that they would never look at him and think anything of that nature.

Bilbo was quite surprised by their reaction, a warm smile finding its way onto his face as he looked up at them. “Well, that is a delight to hear.”

“You look beautiful, My Dear.” Thorin spoke, gently placing a hand on Bilbo’s hip, pulling him closer. “You will always look beautiful.” He added, pulling Bilbo in for a kiss.

The Hobbit began to kiss him back, only to pull away once he heard the rest of the Dwarves cheering and shouting. His blush grew, reaching the tips of his pointed ears.

Bilbo looked up at Thorin, only to see a large smirk placed upon the Dwarf’s face.

“Why you-!”

Notes:

Thank you for reading one of the few stories that I have finished!

I am suprised that some lived to see the day I updated this short story.

I finished this at around midnight while listening to shitty 2000's rock music so you're welcome. Lol.

Notes:

Please leave Kudos or a Comment if you enjoyed my writing. Thank you, Love.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of LOTR/ TH