Metalmagic



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    That wasn’t fair, though, was it? It wasn’t fair of him to expect anything from Aziraphale. Not friendship, not companionship, and certainly not love. It was downright cruel, actually, to expect an angel to love something like him.

    Crowley was a demon, Fallen from Grace, cast out. It was in his job description, hardwired into his dark wings and reptilian eyes, to be unloveable. To be unworthy of love. And it was even crueler, he thought, for a demon to dare fall in love with an angel.

    So why did Crowley feel like his heart was cracking in two, his ribs splintering and his blood freezing?

     

    [Crowley and Aziraphale have been dating for centuries. Crowley missed the memo, and has spent his time pining desperately. It all works out in the end, anyway]

    Language:
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    2/2
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    23 Jan 2026

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    BREAKING: SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY IN DISARRAY AS NEWCOMER UPENDS DOZENS OF ACCEPTED THEORIES
     
    Up and coming British astrophysicist Dr. Anthony J. Crowley has rocked the science world this week with his research that proves many previously-accepted scientific theories about dark matter and the nature of our universe completely wrong. Dubbed the ‘Devil’s Theory,’ Crowley’s research has made the astrophysicist a star practically overnight, and one of the most sought-after scientists in the country.

    “There’s so much you humans don’t understand about the universe, it’s not my fault that I do,” he said in a statement to BBC reporter Jane Smith. “Just you wait!”

    [Crowley can't keep his mouth shut about the stars, and accidentally becomes a famous scientist. Based on this!]

    Language:
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    Words:
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    1/1
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    216
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    23 Jan 2026

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    Elena was on her way home from class when she happened to turn her head at just the right moment and saw it through the window of the bookshop.

    It being a large, black snake curled up on a chair in the last patches of quickly fading sunlight.

    Elena jerked to a stop with a gasp, right in the middle of the pavement. She all but pressed her face to the window, studying the snake curiously. It was quite large, even coiled as it was in its big leather armchair, and although its golden eyes appeared to be open, she could tell that it was probably snoozing. “What a beautiful creature,” Elena said to herself in a hushed, awed voice, and then made the snap decision to go inside the shop for another look.

    Language:
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    2/2
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    453
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    22 Jan 2026

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    Without any more assignments coming from Downstairs, Crowley is struck with a bad case of the doldrums.

    It takes a bit of trial and error, but eventually a solution is found.

    (Or: the one where Crowley becomes an Uber driver.)

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    1/1
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    5
    Comments:
    857
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    11,857
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    68,810

    22 Jan 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan.
    AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we?
    CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all.
    AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous.
    CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.

     

    ***

    Crowley and Aziraphale are very possibly the people least qualified, on the entire planet, to start up an advice podcast.

    But what else is there to do when the world isn’t ending anytime soon, you’re technically on indefinite sabbatical from your lifelong careers, and you need a plausible excuse to spend more time with your best friend who you’re definitely not, absolutely not, maybe just a little, actually maybe overwhelmingly in love with?

    Language:
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    5,541
    Chapters:
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    Collections:
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    Comments:
    1,184
    Kudos:
    21,756
    Bookmarks:
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    22 Jan 2026