Of Bookshelves and Baby Carriers

by poppunkpadfoot (StormVandal)

Summary:

The customer standing in front of him is quite possibly the most beautiful man Remus has ever seen. Like, he looks like a model or something. He has long, black hair, flattened by water, and just the slightest amount of scruff on his face, and…

And a baby strapped to his chest.

Okay.

(For just.a.willow.tree's Love, _____ Challenge on HPFT)

Notes:

• Translation into Español available: librerias y bebes by EltaninBlackLupin
• Translation into Русский available: Of Bookshelves and Baby Carriers by Until_the__very_End

april 19, 2021: hey! not sure why there’s been such a huge influx of traffic to this fic the last few months, but uh... welcome, i guess. hope you enjoy this fic. i’m just adding this note to say that if you enjoy this fic, you should go check out some stuff by my very dear friend, the much more talented facingthenorthwind. i would never finish a single fic without them, and they contributed immensely to this fic in particular (even writing some of the best (imo) parts). i strongly urge you to spread the love around and check out their work. it’s incredible and i promise you won’t regret it.

Chapter 1: Chapter One

It’s raining. It’s raining quite hard, actually. There are people rushing past the shop window, heads lowered against the onslaught, a few of them clutching futile umbrellas. Most of them, though, are unprotected - the forecast had called for sunshine this morning.

From the safety of the small bookshop where he works, Remus Lupin watches the scene outside with a mild sense of pity. Granted, depending how long the storm lasts, he may get drenched himself when he goes home; for now, though, he is quite warm and dry, unlike the poor sods out there.

Eventually, he moves away from the window. The shop had received a couple of boxes of donations a few days before, and he still hasn’t finished sorting through everything - it all has to be categorized, priced, entered into the system, and eventually shelved. The lack of customers doesn’t mean he doesn’t have work to do. He’s not getting paid to sit around staring out the window.

He’s in the back room, elbow-deep in a huge box of pulpy romance novels (his worst enemy) when, for the first time that morning, the bell above the door jingles.

He’s not sure whether he’s relieved or annoyed. On one hand, he’s desperately bored of looking at tacky, painfully heterosexual cover art; on the other hand… people.

He hauls himself to his feet with a slight wince and heads back out towards the front of the store, straightening out a few shelves quickly as he goes. He finds one book that’s in completely the wrong place (the magazine rack), but he’s not sure where it’s supposed to go, because it’s missing its sleeve and doesn’t have a title or a summary on its actual cover. He reaches the counter as he's flipping through the pages of the book, trying to figure out where it belongs.

“Good morning,” he says, somewhat absently. “Can I help -”

And then he looks up and completely forgets how to breathe.

“-you,” he chokes out, after an interval.

The customer standing in front of him is, quite possibly, the most beautiful man Remus has ever seen. Like, he looks like a fucking model or something. He has long, black hair, flattened by water, and just the slightest amount of scruff on his face, and… and a baby strapped to his chest.

Okay.

The baby is ridiculously cute; he has wild black hair that even the rain hasn’t managed to tame, and adorable chubby cheeks, and these huge green eyes that stand out starkly against his brown skin. But when Remus sees him, the first thing he feels (right after his brain’s initial reaction of “AWWW, LOOK AT THE BABY”) is disappointment. Which is fucking ridiculous. It doesn’t matter that Mr Godlike Beauty is a father and probably, like, married or something, because he could be the most single guy in the world and Remus still wouldn’t have a chance with him.

God, he needs to get it together.

“Hey,” says Mr Godlike Beauty, and Remus’s brain nearly shorts out again over the rueful smile the guy is giving him. “We picked the wrong day to go for a walk, apparently. You wouldn’t happen to have a children’s section, would you?”

“Er,” he stammers. Apparently he’s forgotten how to fucking talk. Great. Really smooth. “Um, yeah, we have a children’s section. It’s upstairs - kind of silly, really, I mean, strollers and everything, but - yeah, yeah, we have a children’s section. I… can show you?”

Mr Godlike Beauty, bless his heart, is smiling at him as though everything is perfectly normal and Remus hadn’t just turned into a bumbling idiot right in front of him. “Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”

The children’s area upstairs is nothing to write home about, in Remus’s humble opinion - it consists of a small round rug with colourful dinosaurs traipsing across its dark green surface, a saggy red beanbag chair, a bead maze, and a short (but very full) wooden bookcase. But it’s next to the window, so weak grey light is spilling across the ground, and the pitter-patter of the rain provides a quiet but admittedly pleasant soundtrack, so Remus has to admit it’s kinda cozy up here with this atmosphere. The baby seems to be pretty into it, at least - he lets out a little cooing noise and waves his chubby fists around as Mr Godlike Beauty starts unclipping the harness of the baby carrier.

...Remus really needs to stop calling this probably-married father “Mr Godlike Beauty” in his head.

Hot Dad (oh, fuck no) sets the squirming baby down on the carpet, and the baby immediately crawls over to the bead maze. And then just kind of stares at it. Both Remus and Hot Dad (Remus wants to punch himself in the fucking face) watch for a moment, waiting to see if something will happen, but the baby just sits there, gurgling happily.

“He’s an odd one,” Hot Dad (no) says fondly. “Or maybe he’s not, I still barely know shit about babies.”

Remus just shrugs helplessly. He wants to make some kind of witty remark that will make this guy fall instantly in love with him, but his mouth isn’t cooperating and nor is his brain. Also, he reminds himself again, there’s almost no way this guy isn’t taken. And if he’s not, there is no way in hell he’d be interested in some sick, scrawny weirdo who works in a bookstore and apparently can’t even coherently string a few words together.

“Erm,” he says, “the baby books are on the bottom few shelves. And, uh, yeah. Have at it. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”

Then he flees.

Once downstairs, he sits down on his stool and slumps miserably forward onto the counter. When he’d walked into work this morning, he really hadn’t been expecting to embarrass himself in front of a hot guy (a really, a really hot guy his brain adds unhelpfully) and his baby. And yet, here he is.

He just needs a few moments to process his humiliation.

He allows himself about five minutes of moping and being miserable at the counter before he goes back to his task of book-sorting. He actually ends up getting pretty single-minded about it, which is great because that way his brain can’t concoct any elaborate fantasies and/or go spiralling into embarrassed despair. He gets through the whole box of pulp novels in just over half an hour, and then moves on to the second box. Which, he realizes with a sinking feeling, is a box of non-fiction about world cultures. Which his boss has apparently already done the admin stuff for. And the world cultures shelves are upstairs.

Seriously, the universe hates him.

With a plaintive whine, he stands back up and heaves the box off the floor.

Having to take boxes full of books up a flight of stairs is, by far, the worst part of his job. His doctor has given him stern warnings about it more than once, but he’s the only employee and his boss is elderly. Luckily, it’s a pretty occasional duty, although that doesn’t really make him feel a lot better right now. Especially when he gets to the top of the stairs and the hot guy glances over and immediately looks all concerned - who can blame him, really, since Remus’s arms are shaking and his face is probably bright red with exertion and he’s straight-up panting.

“Hey - do you need a hand?” the guy asks anxiously, moving like he’s going to get to his feet. Honestly, Remus wants to swallow his pride and accept, but he really doesn’t like the idea of making the guy leave his baby alone. So he shakes his head.

“I’m okay,” he wheezes. “Thanks though.”

The guy doesn’t look convinced. He doesn’t argue, but he does watch Remus warily as he makes his way across the room. It’s very distracting, but Remus manages to safely put the box down beside the relevant shelves.

… Okay. He swears he’s not a creep. He’s really, really not. But he can’t help but notice that he’s kind of in the perfect spot to observe the two on the other side of the room without, like, openly staring. Which is honestly probably not a great idea - he’s already been reduced to a gibbering mess by this man, he doesn’t need to add any more fuel to the fire. AND YET.

The guy is young. Really, he can’t be any older than Remus. Since Remus went downstairs, he’s pulled his damp hair into an effortless top knot, revealing several earrings in his right ear; he’s wearing black skinny jeans and a grey Ramones t-shirt and beat up Doc Martens, and he has this worn leather bracelet on his wrist; and he’s smiling broadly as he watches the baby toddling around on the carpet.

“Great job, Harry!” he says, reaching out his (tattooed, oh god) arms. The baby - who is apparently named Harry - walks unsteadily towards him, and makes it almost all the way there before losing his balance and falling onto his bottom. He seems completely unphased though, just starts giggling and rocks forward to grab at his tiny Converse.

“Buh!” he exclaims.

“Book?” The guy’s practically beaming now. “Yeah, good idea! Go pick one, okay?”

Harry nods cooperatively and makes his way over to the bookshelf. As soon as he’s pulled out One Fish Two Fish, the guy scoops him into his lap. “Dr. Seuss? Very good choice.”

And then he looks over in Remus’s direction. And catches Remus’s eye. And smirks. And winks.

Remus feels his face go red. He shoves the last few books onto the right shelves as fast as humanly possible, grabs the empty box, and once again flees downstairs.

He’s mostly recovered by the time the rain starts to let up. Really, he’s fine. He’s not absolutely dying of embarrassment anymore. He doesn’t even flinch when the guy comes downstairs with Harry strapped back onto his chest and several books in his arms. (Harry is clutching One Fish Two Fish and looking awfully pleased.)

“Hullo,” he says easily, his tone and body language not at all conveying that he just caught Remus staring at him like a weirdo. He sets the books down on the counter and fishes a wallet out of his back pocket. “Harry here is quite taken with all of these. Do you take debit? ‘Cause I only have a tenner -”

“No, we take debit,” Remus says hurriedly. "Do you need a bag?"

The guy produces one of those roll-up tote bags (Remus melts just a tiny bit more) and shakes his head. Remus rings him up, tells him his total, and processes the transaction without further incident; maybe he's done being a mess for the day. He packs up the tote bag for the guy and can't help but smile at Harry's picks - the kid has good taste. Then he hands it over to the guy along with his receipt and fully expects that their interaction is over.

The guy does, indeed, head for the door. But before he pulls it open, he stops and grins at Remus.

"My name's Sirius, by the way," he says. "As in the star. Not the adjective."

...It's like he knows that Remus was calling him weird nicknames in his head.

"Nice to meet you," Remus manages. "Um. Have a nice day?"

(Is it just his imagination, or does Sirius look kind of... disappointed?

No, it's definitely just his imagination. There's no fucking way.)

"Bye!" squeals Harry, waving at Remus, and then Harry and Sirius are gone and Remus is left alone to dwell on every single way that he just embarrassed himself.

Chapter 2: Chapter Two

Summary:

He helps a few elderly people and a few uni students before noon, and then goes out to grab a sandwich. When he returns, he settles in for what he's sure will be a very normal, boring afternoon.

That plan goes out the window when the bell above the door jingles and Sirius walks in.

Notes:

Yay, an update! Hope everyone enjoys :)

The next day, Remus has to call out of work. He'd overdone it the day before; he'd already been achy, he really shouldn't have taken that box upstairs. And then when he got home he probably should've taken a hot bath with Epsom salts or something to try to mitigate the damage instead of calling Peter and whining at him for half an hour about how he'd made a fool of himself in front of the cutest guy he's ever seen in his damn life.

 

He takes his meds and spends most of the day on the couch in front of the television, keeping a bunch of fruits and granola bars and stuff on the floor within arms reach so that he doesn't have to get up to go to the kitchen for food. There's nothing good on, just a bunch of auction show reruns, but beggars can't be choosers and his small DVD collection is all the way on the other side of the room.

 

He does manage to drag himself to his bedroom around 9pm. Sleeping in his bed is definitely a better idea than sleeping on the couch. Problem is, without a TV to distract him, it's very hard to keep his thoughts from straying to Sirius. It's not long before he gives up completely and lets himself get lost in a daydream that's so soppy he's almost embarrassed. He figures it's safe, though; chances are very good that he's never going to see Sirius again.

 

The store is closed the next day, and even though he's feeling better by the time he wakes up in the morning, he decides to stay at home again. He has an unfortunate tendency to push himself too hard and make himself feel worse as soon as he feels better, and he decides that, for once, he's not going to do that. He texts Peter to see if he wants to come over and watch Planet Earth, but Peter texts back apologetically that he switched shifts with a co-worker, so Remus spends most of the day watching horror movies alone.

 

Maybe his life is kind of sad and boring. So sue him.

 

By the time Monday rolls around, he's pretty much excited to go back to work. He even gets there early enough that he has time to grab a coffee from the café a few doors down. After he's opened the store up, he relaxes onto the stool behind the counter and drinks it lazily. It's sunny outside today, but he doubts that's going to mean much for business; they do okay, well enough to stay open, but he's usually not flooded with customers on a Monday.

 

He helps a few elderly people and a few uni students before noon, and then goes out to grab a sandwich. When he returns, he settles in for what he's sure will be a very normal, boring afternoon.

 

That plan goes out the window when the bell above the door jingles and Sirius walks in.

 

He has Harry strapped to his chest again, who seems very excited to be back - he claps and giggles when they walk in the door, and then starts bouncing a little bit in his harness. Sirius smiles and smooths a hand over Harry's head before looking up at the counter and positively lighting up when he catches sight of Remus standing there.

 

"Oh good, you're in today!" he says, sounding weirdly happy. "We came by on Saturday, but you weren't here. Isn't that right, Harry?"

 

Harry nods importantly, and Remus would probably be stifling a laugh if he weren't, like, in shock. He almost feels like he's having some weird dream. After the way things had gone on Friday, about the last thing he expected was for Sirius to come back - let alone come back specifically looking for him, and sounding happy to see him.

 

"You were looking for me?" he asks (a little hoarsely, but overall he sounds like a normal person, which he's quite pleased about). "Why?"

 

"Buh!" exclaims Harry.

 

"Book," Sirius says to him patiently. "With a K, mate."

 

"Book?" Remus repeats, addressing the question to Harry. "Is there something I can help you guys find?"

 

Harry giggles and looks up at Sirius, whose cheeks seem to have turned a little bit pink. He brushes a stray strand of hair behind his ear and gives Remus a smile that just about makes him keel over right there and then.

 

"It's just, I noticed when we were here the other day that you were putting books on a shelf labelled World Cultures?" Sirius says. "And I was wondering if you'd happened to notice any books on Hinduism. I would've asked the woman who was here on Saturday about it, but I felt bad making her climb the stairs, and... I dunno, I figured you might know offhand. Or something."

 

If Remus is being honest, he can't remember what any of the books he'd shelved on Friday had been about. He'd been a little bit... distracted. He bites his lip and thinks for a minute, but he comes up empty-handed.

 

"I don't know off the top of my head," he admits. "But I can come upstairs and help you look? We have a Religion section as well."

 

"Brilliant," says Sirius with another glittering smile, and Remus ducks his head to, with any luck, hide his blush.

 

He makes sure to go up the stairs first (bad, bad things are going to happen if he has to go up the stairs behind Sirius), and he leads him over to the World Cultures shelf. The Religion shelf is just one over, so he goes to look there. He finds a couple of books about Hinduism and one about South Asian religions more generally, but has to admit the selection is sparse - their religion section isn't that big in the first place. Sirius doesn't seem to be having much more luck - he's pulled a few books about India off the shelf and is looking slightly intimidated.

 

"Can I ask if there's anything specific you're looking for?" Remus asks eventually, turning to look at Sirius full-on for the first time since they got upstairs. "'Cause there is stuff here, obviously, but depending what you need this stuff is either going to be great or useless."

 

"Um..." Sirius shrugs helplessly. "Practical stuff, I guess?"

 

"Practical stuff," Remus repeats. "Okay. Um. I'm not sure if any of these books will have practical stuff... but we can check? I mean, if you don't mind sitting on the floor-"

 

Sirius plonks himself down onto the floor without missing a beat, and Remus lets out a high-pitched giggle, which he tries to mask by clearing his throat. Sirius seems to be biting back a smile, so it probably didn't work, but Remus barrels past that determinedly. He's doing a pretty great job of not melting into a puddle of deeply embarrassed goo this time around, he's not going to give up now.

 

They're sitting there going through the books mostly in silence (Harry is making a lot of baby-noises, but seems largely content) for about twenty minutes before Sirius speaks.

 

"What's your name, by the way?"

 

Remus blinks a few times and looks up at him. "Me? Er, Remus."

 

Sirius laughs (which is exactly as delightful a sound as Remus expected). "Awesome! So I'm not the only one of us with a weird name. Usually when I meet someone, it's like, 'Hi, my name's Sirius, what's yours?' and they're like, 'Oh, it's Ben' or whatever."

 

"Tell me about it," Remus says emphatically. "I went by my middle name for a few years when I was a kid and everything. John. But then I got into Classics."

 

(He does not understand how he's gone from barely being able to talk around this guy to rambling pointlessly at him, but he supposes it would be too much to ask for him to be calm and collected around someone so painfully out of his league.)

 

"John doesn't suit you anyway," Sirius declares. "Remus is much better."

 

Oh god, Remus is going to melt into a puddle after all.

 

"Er, thanks? I think," he manages.

 

He's spared from embarrassing himself any further by Harry, who suddenly starts squirming around in his harness, reaching out for the book that Sirius has just picked up. "Moo-gan!" he exclaims excitedly, pointing at the book's cover. "Wook! Moo-gan!"

 

Sirius looks a little bit surprised. He sets the book down again and starts fiddling with the buckles on the harness. As soon as he sets Harry down on the floor, Harry touches his hands gently to the feet of the statue on the cover of the book and hums, "Mmm."

 

"Wike appa!" he says, beaming up at Sirius, and Sirius immediately gets this odd, pained look on his face. He looks away and takes in a deep breath, and Remus suddenly feels as though he's intruding on something. But the moment passes quickly; Sirius smiles at Harry, although in Remus's (admittedly uninformed) opinion, it looks kind of forced, and tickles his side briefly.

 

"Yeah," he says softly, "Just like appa."

 

He picks up the book again ("Hinduism in South India") and flips through it for a moment, and then looks up at Remus. "We'll take this one, I think."

 

Remus feels weirdly disappointed, and he kinda wants to kick himself. This guy's not here to spend time with him, a stranger who can't act like a normal person in his presence; he's just here to get a book. He gives himself a shake and hauls himself to his feet.

 

"I can take that downstairs and ring it up for you while you get your carrier sorted out?" he offers, and Sirius nods gratefully. When he comes downstairs a few minutes after Remus, he's smiling properly again.

 

"So I'll see you around, Remus," he says after he's paid, in a tone that Remus would almost call flirtatious if he didn't know better. Harry waves happily from his carrier, and Remus waves back.

 

Unlike the last time, after they leave, Remus finds himself hoping they'll need another book sometime soon.

Notes:

FYI: I haven't quite finished writing chapter 3 yet, but I should have it finished quite soon. :) If I haven't posted it by next Monday, kick me! Thanks for reading! <3

 

Edit 29/01/19: Several reviewers pointed out that it wasn't actually clear what Harry was pointing at on the cover of the book, and I completely forgot to add an AN explaining until right now! Very sorry about that! (For the record, this is all based on my own research, so if anyone notices something incorrect, please do let me know!)

Moo-gan = Murugan (a.k.a. Kartikeya), the Hindu god of war who is worshipped as a major diety in Tamil Nadu (he's also considered the god of Tamil language).

Charanasparsha is a form of Pranāma (which is a respectful/reverential salutation) which involves bowing before someone (usually someone deeply respected, e.g. a diety) and touching their feet.

Basically my thinking was that it would make sense if James (who I HC as Tamil) had a shrine set up in the Potters' home with a statue or icon of Murugan, and that Harry would've witnessed his dad bowing in front of the statue/icon and touching its feet on a pretty regular basis (and possibly even participated in the practice with James). So I thought that it was something that was maybe ingrained enough that if Harry saw a picture of Murugan he would instinctively do what he always saw James doing.

Chapter 3: Chapter Three

Summary:

Of course Sirius is at Remus's grocery store. Of course.

Notes:

12:54 AM on Tuesday counts as Monday, okay :P

I'm hoping to have chapter 4 up next Monday (for real this time) but we'll see what happens. This chapter turned out to be a lot more difficult to write than I expected (and also ended up being really long???). So I really hope that you all like it, and that chapter 4 will actually cooperate with me!

Remus spends a frankly sad amount of time over the next week thinking about Sirius. He thinks about him at work and at home and talks to Peter about him basically every time they talk (poor Peter seems exasperated). It's just... like, yeah, he's ridiculously beautiful, but he's also so... nice? And he's really good with Harry and clearly cares about that kid so damn much.

 

The thing with that is, the last time he saw Sirius, he kind of realized he's been making a lot of assumptions. The first time Sirius and Harry came in, as soon as he'd seen a baby he'd jumped to the conclusion that Sirius has, like, a wife or at the very least a girlfriend, which is seriously so heteronormative. Remus should know better. And he's also been assuming that Sirius is Harry's dad, when for all Remus actually knows, he could be Harry's uncle or babysitter or something. And then there had been that whole "Just like appa" moment...

 

The point is, Remus really has no idea what the actual situation is with those two. He's resolved to find a way to ask about it sensitively the next time the two of them come in.

 

Except that the two of them don't come in all week.

 

Truth be told, Remus is pretty pissed off at himself for being disappointed. He keeps trying to remind himself that even if Sirius is just Harry's babysiutter or something, and even if he's somehow single, he's still *painfully* out of Remus's league; but that doesn't do much to stop his subconscious getting away from him.

 

By Sunday, he's doing better. He's basically forgotten about the whole thing. (Well, no, he hasn't - that's a bald-faced lie he's telling himself to make himself feel better.) Unlike the last Sunday, he has errands to run - medications to pick up and groceries to buy - so he won't be able to spend the whole day sitting around and Dwelling. So it's good, and he's fine, and it doesn't matter that he might never see Sirius again, because why would that matter-

 

Jesus, he's spiralling and it's not even 10am yet.

 

But he gathers some tote bags and heads out the door. Spiral or no spiral, he genuinely does have shit to do today.

 

He winds up at the local Asda about half an hour later; he grabs that week's flyer and a cart (his list isn't that long, he's just not sure he can handle a heavy basket today) and heads for the produce aisle.

 

He's examining a bag of reduced-price apples - the price is appealing, but the expiry date is not - when all of a sudden a voice next to him, which sounds quite surprised and quite familiar, says "Hey!"

 

He startles and almost drops the bag of apples (thank god he manages to hold on, they're bruised enough as it is); his head snaps up to look at the speaker, and then his breath basically gets knocked out of him.

 

Of course Sirius is at his grocery store. Of course.

 

"Sorry," Sirius says, his cheeks faintly pink. "I didn't mean to startle you."

 

"No, it's - it's okay," Remus responds hurriedly. "It's fine. Hey. Hi, Harry."

 

Sirius is holding Harry against his hip, and they are wearing matching sunglasses, which is so cute it should probably be illegal. Well, Sirius's are pushed up on his head, but the fact that he bought matching sunglasses is enough to make Remus smile widely. At Remus's greeting, Harry giggles and hides his face in Sirius's side; Sirius smiles down at him, hitching him up a little higher, and then turns his dazzling smile on Remus.

 

"Come here often?" he says, in that same could-be-flirtatious-except-there's-no-way-he's-flirting tone from the last time they saw each other.

 

"Er, sometimes," says Remus, flustered. "Do you?"

 

"Nah, not really," Sirius says. "We were just heading to the playground, thought we'd pick up some snacks on our way and have a bit of a picnic."

 

"That sounds like fun."

 

"Yeah, it should be a good time." Sirius bites his lip for a second (which, god, that's way hotter than it has any right to be) and Remus starts awkwardly casting around for something to say, knowing that it's pathetic but not wanting the conversation to die - but before he comes up with anything, Sirius speaks again.

 

"You wanna come with us?"

 

That brings Remus up short.

 

"To... to the park?" he asks in confusion. He can't help but feel like he must be misunderstanding. But Sirius's cheeks turn pinker, and he nods quickly, and all of a sudden Remus has butterflies like he's back in fourth form or something.

 

"Sorry, was that weird?" Sirius says with a chuckle. "I just - I dunno, you're all cooped up in that bookstore, I just thought... and now I'm being rude, aren't I? Fuck."

 

"You're not being rude," Remus manages. And then he hears himself say, "I'd love to come to the park."

 

...Seriously, what? What is wrong with him? He has errands to run, and also (more importantly), there is no way he's going to be able to legitimately hang out with Sirius for more than 10 minutes without literally exploding, either from embarrassment or just, like, sheer attraction.

 

But Sirius's face lights up - which is baffling in and of itself, but there's no way Remus can back out now.

 

Okay. He can do this. He's survived things a lot worse than hanging out with a hot guy who inexplicably seems to want to spend time with him. And it's still early, he'll have time to do his errands later.

 

"Great!" Sirius says happily. "Well, we still need to pick up our snacks, if you don't mind waiting around?"

 

"Yeah, no, of course. That's fine-"

 

"Swawbees," says Harry, pulling his face away from Sirius's side.

 

"Strawberries sound great right now," Sirius replies. "Let's go back to your stroller, okay? Do you want to put your cart away and meet us by the strawberries?" he directs towards Remus. "I mean, if you're okay with hitting pause on your errands for a bit - jeez, I'm sorry, I'm interrupting your grocery shopping -"

 

"It's totally fine," Remus interrupts with a smile. "That sounds like a good plan, I'll catch up with you two in a minute."

 

By the time he makes it back to Sirius and Harry, they've picked out a box of strawberries. The three of them spend about ten more minutes in the store, picking out a few more snacks, and then they set out for the playground.

 

It's not far away, and as soon as they arrive, Sirius lets Harry out of his stroller and Harry makes a bee-line for the sandbox. Sirius follows him with a little bucket and shovel, but he doesn't get into the sandbox himself; he just hands them to Harry before going to sit down in the shade of a nearby tree and beckoning Remus over.

 

Remus, after a moment's hesitation, grabs the stroller and pushes it over. He lowers himself carefully onto the ground next to Sirius, who is looking a little embarrassed.

 

"I didn't mean to make you bring the stroller over - sorry -"

 

"It's really fine," Remus reassures him, leaning back on his hands. Sirius nods and looks over at Harry, watching as he scoops sand enthusiastically into his bucket, dumps it all out, and starts the process all over again.

 

Remus really wants to take the opportunity to ask about Harry, but now that he's actually faced with bringing it up, he has no idea how to do it. All the options he'd come up with over the last week now seem painfully abrupt and awkward. He sits there chewing on his lip for what feels like ages. Sirius doesn't speak either, although he keeps looking as though he's about to say something and then stopping himself.

 

It's not unpleasant though, which is slightly shocking. It's actually quite a comfortable silence. Remus is starting to think that all he needs around Sirius is like, ten minutes of panicking and freaking out, and then he can just be a normal person (unless and until Sirius does something egregiously cute and/or sexy, at which point he needs another ten minutes). It's like a formula.

 

They eat some strawberries (Sirius goes and retrieves Harry from the sandbox for that, which is a relief because Remus can focus on the cute baby instead of on Sirius's mouth, all red from the berry juice-), and after that Sirius pushes Harry in one of the baby swings for a little while and then takes him down one of the slides in his lap, which is very adorable to watch. But before too long, Harry is clamoring to get back in the sandbox. Sirius fetches him a new toy, a bright yellow dump truck, from the stroller, and lets him have at it.

 

"I guess the sandbox is his new favourite thing," Sirius remarks as he sits back down next to Remus. "Last month he was big on the round-about."

 

They watch as Harry gets settled and starts filling his dump truck up with sand. Then Sirius turns to Remus, with this jaunty grin on his face that makes Remus's stomach swoop, and says, "So, Remus. Tell me about yourself."

 

Remus is... mildly taken aback. He blinks a few times, just staring at Sirius, before he replies, "There's really nothing interesting to tell."

 

Sirius snorts and tips his head back, shaking his hair out of his face. "Oh, come on, don't give me that."

 

Remus shrugs and wracks his brain a little. He really can't think of anything interesting to tell Sirius, but Sirius is looking at him all expectantly, so...

 

"My name is Remus John Lupin-"

 

"Wait," says Sirius, "wait. Your name is Remus Lupin? Your parents named you Wolfy McWolf?"

 

"Yes, okay, laugh it up," says Remus, as Sirius has now dissolved into giggles. "I know. It's terrible."

 

"Sorry," Sirius gets out, obviously trying to stop laughing, but not quite succeeding. "I know I have no room to talk, I mean - my name is Sirius and all, it's just... wow."

 

"I know." He's smiling though, can't seem to help himself. "I have grown kind of fond of it though."

 

"Yeah - you mentioned Classics?"

 

Okay, Remus is... stunned that Sirius remembers that. He kind of fumbles for a minute before finally managing, "Er, yeah. I studied it in uni for a few years."

 

"And then something else?"

 

"No. And then I dropped out."

 

He says it without thinking, and then wants to smack himself. This subject has spooked multiple love interests (love interests? God, that's cringy, he just can't think of any other way to put it), he should know by now not to just drop it on people, or to bring it up too soon. Sirius is already looking all curious, tilting his head towards Remus, his eyebrows slightly raised. But when he speaks, he doesn't say what Remus is expecting him to say.

 

"You don't have to talk about it."

 

Taken aback (yet again), Remus can't help but chuckle. Sirius's eyebrows raise further, and the corner of his mouth twitches up. "What?"

 

"Nothing, it's just... you keep taking me by surprise is all," Remus says, shaking his head a little. And then he hurries on as quickly as possible, hoping that Sirius didn't take note of how corny that was. "It's okay, I might as well tell you now. It's not that big of a deal, it's just... some stuff happened to me when I was a kid that I'd really rather not get into, and I still deal with a lot of pain from it. Like, as in, physical pain. My mum mostly had it under control when I was a kid - she knew what to do when it got bad and all, and how to stop it getting bad, all that stuff - and I mostly have it under control now. But when I moved away for uni I had a hard time, and it got really out of control, and I couldn't... I couldn't keep up with my coursework and everything, so I dropped out. And now here I am."

 

He rushes through it a little bit, and hopes to god that, at least for now, that'll be the end of it; he really doesn't feel like getting into all the sordid details of the Greyback situation. It takes him a moment to work up the nerve to look at Sirius, but when he does, none of the shock or pity that he's used to seeing is there. He looks sympathetic, sure, but not in that sickly, unbearable, "you poor thing" pitying way.

 

"Do you think you'll go back?" he asks - which is not an uncommon question for Remus to be asked, but he asks so neutrally that Remus doesn't even bristle at it. He just shrugs.

 

"I'd like to, I suppose," he says. "It's not a priority. I'm happy where I am."

 

"I'm glad to hear that," says Sirius, so genuinely that Remus's breath catches in his throat a little.

 

Harry, thankfully, chooses that moment to interrupt, calling for Sirius from the sandbox before Remus, like, starts crying or proposes marriage or something. (This has to be the second or third time Harry has saved Remus from total humiliation, he should really buy him a toy or something as a thank you.) He has apparently decided that he is Over the sandbox for now and that it is time to go back on the swings. Remus sits there and watches the two of them for a little while - Harry squealing and giggling as Sirius pushes him, Sirius's gentle touches still somehow sending Harry flying through the air - and tries his best to tamp down the swelling feeling in his chest, the feeling that Sirius is The One or something, because it's ridiculous and because he really doesn't need to give his increasingly out-of-control crush any more oxygen.

 

He does, in fact, still have errands to run. So when Sirius calls over and asks him (with a mischievous smile that seriously does stuff to Remus) if he'd like a turn on the swings, he forces himself to say no, that he needs to back and get his groceries, even though he can't help but imagine Sirius's hands on his back, pushing him, Sirius laughing -

 

“Wait!” Sirius’s voice interrupts his reverie as he starts to walk away. “Hang on, come here for just a second.”

 

Remus is not a strong enough man to resist. His steels himself as best he can before turning and walking over to the swing set, hoping like hell that he doesn't look as lovestruck as he's feeling right now.

 

"Could I maybe get your number?" Sirius asks hurriedly when Remus gets close enough. "I mean, I've had a good time today, and I don't want to have to rely on just... dropping into the bookstore and hoping that you're there."

 

"Uh," says Remus, whose mind has now gone completely blank (which is great, just fantastic, super helpful. Exactly what he wants to happen when drop-dead-gorgeous men ask for his phone number.) "I, er, yeah, of course, I-" He pats at his pockets for a second in a panic - god damn it, he usually has a pen, where's his pen - before admitting defeat. "I, fuck, I don't have a pen or paper or anything to write it down for you. I can give it to you next time you're in the shop -"

 

"Remus," says Sirius patiently, clearly making a valiant effort not to laugh. "You can just put it right in my phone."

 

... Oh.

 

"...Oh."

 

(If the ground would just open up and swallow him right about now, that would be truly fantastic.)

 

Somehow, though, he gets his wits together enough to punch his number into Sirius's phone. Sirius immediately sends him one of those sparkly pink hearts, and then gives Remus this smile, and Remus decides he has to get out of there immediately before he literally throws himself at this man who may or may not be a married father (because he still hasn't managed to fucking ask).

 

Harry reaches out for Remus from the swings, looking distinctly pouty. "No go," he says, his bottom lip sticking out, and honestly, it's about the last thing Remus needs right now, because he can't help but feel extremely guilty saying no to that face.

 

But Sirius steps in and saves him. "Remus has to go now, but maybe we'll see him soon," he tells Harry, and Remus's stomach swoops yet again.

 

"Bye Harry," he says as normally as possible, and Harry, apparently mollified, gives him a "Bye-bye!" in return. With that, he hurries out of the park, his phone still clutched in his hand, and that very confusing sparkly pink heart still shining on his screen.

Chapter 4: Chapter Four

Summary:

He braces himself to be told to get the hell out of Sirius's apartment, and possibly to never contact him again. It doesn't come, though. When he can finally bring himself to look at Sirius again, he's biting down hard on his lip; he looks as though it's taking all of his strength not to completely fall to pieces.

Notes:

Soo... this is late. I'm sorry! I hope it's good enough to make up for the wait :)

Oh... and this is The Sad Chapter (tm) so just... be prepared, I guess? Yeah.

He's not quite sure how he ended up here. He's really not. But over the next few weeks, Remus ends up spending quite a lot of time with Sirius. They take Harry to see a movie together; they go to the playground again; they even hang out at Sirius's apartment a few times. Sometimes Sirius texts him out of the blue, about something cute Harry just did, or something funny he saw on Twitter, or whatever - and they have some proper conversations. Remus kind of feels like he must be in a really, really good dream.

 

Now, granted, it's not completely ideal that they're with Harry every time they hang out. It's not that Remus doesn't like Harry, or doesn't enjoy being around him - he is, after all, a ridiculously cute baby, and it's very difficult not to be enamoured by him. It's just, you know, Remus feels weird hitting on Sirius in front of a baby. (Disregarding that there's no way Remus would be able to successfully hit on Sirius in the first place.)

 

He's never been interested in anyone with a kid before, though, or hung out with someone who has a kid. So he's not really sure what the rules are around hanging out without kids, or what the etiquette might be to ask. So he doesn't mention it. It's not that big of a deal anyway. He just kind of... daydreams about spending time alone with Sirius (these daydreams usually involve Remus being a LOT smoother than he really is, and are not always PG-13) instead of bringing it up.

 

Not to mention, he still hasn't managed to ask about Harry. It definitely does seem that Harry lives with Sirius, and Remus hasn't noticed evidence that another adult lives in the apartment the few times he's been over. But all that that rules out is Sirius being a babysitter. Remus still has no idea what's actually going on.

 

There's one morning, almost a month after Sirius and Harry first came into the bookstore, where Remus gets a text from Sirius as he's leaving for work, asking him if he wants to come over when he's finished his shift. Remus's stomach erupts into butterflies, and he sends back a yes immediately - probably fast enough that it should be embarrassing. Then he spends his whole day all distracted, which is not ideal when the shop is actually kind of busy for once.

 

The second time that Remus had been over to Sirius's apartment, Sirius had told him that he could just let himself in, and he's done so every time since. That's what he does when he gets to Sirius's place after he closes the shop. However, normally there's noise inside the apartment - the sounds of Harry playing or Sirius's record player or something. This time, the apartment is silent and kind of dark.

 

With a frown on his face, Remus toes his shoes off in the entryway and, instead of calling for Sirius, walks cautiously into the living room. He figures maybe Harry is napping or something. But the second he walks enters the room, he stops in his tracks, and his heart plummets into his stomach.

 

Sirius is lying on his back on the couch, Harry sprawled out on his chest. Harry appears to have dozed off; his little hands are curled into Sirius's shirt, and he's drooling onto his chest. One of Sirius's hands is resting on Harry's back, too gently to be holding him firmly in place, but enough to stop him rolling or falling. It would be a sweet moment to walk in on - except that Sirius's other hand is pressed over his face, and he is sobbing quietly.

 

For a long moment, Remus stands there frozen. He doesn't know what to do - should he say something? Should he leave as quietly as possible? Honestly, his first instinct is that he should probably leave Sirius alone. They barely know each

 

other, really, and Remus doesn't want to intrude or pry. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he can't bring himself to leave Sirius alone like this.

 

He clears his throat, and Sirius makes this abortive movement, like he'd been about to bolt upright but stopped himself. He looks at Remus, his eyes puffy and his cheeks red, and there's so much shame and embarrassment in his expression that Remus kind of wants to cry himself.

 

"Fuck." Sirius's voice is all choked, and he uses his free hand to scrub at his face. "God damn it. I lost track of time, I'm sorry."

 

"It's okay," Remus says softly, walking closer. Harry stirs a little, but doesn't wake. "Do you... Can I... look, let me take Harry to his crib, okay?"

 

Sirius hesitates, his fingers tightening against Harry's onesie. But then he looks down at him and sighs, drops his hand onto the couch, and nods at Remus to go ahead.

 

Remus carefully, carefully lifts Harry off of Sirius's chest; once again, he stirs but doesn't wake. He makes this little snuffling noise against Remus's neck that's so adorable that Remus can't help but smile. But Sirius looks like he's about to start crying again, so Remus decides he needs to move faster.

 

He takes Harry into Sirius's bedroom and puts him into his crib. Harry, thankfully, doesn't wake up. As soon as he's sure that Harry is, at least for now, going to stay asleep, he heads back out to the living room.

 

Sirius is sitting up now, but he's curled over, his head in his hands. Remus's heart aches a little at the sight of him. He wants to go over and hug him, or at least put a comforting hand on his shoulder, or something, but he's really not sure what would be appropriate or whether Sirius would be comfortable with it. Instead, he sits down next to him on the couch, keeping a little space between them.

 

"He was asking for his dad," Sirius whispers before Remus even has a chance to ask what happened. "And... and normally I can handle it, kind of, but he just... he wouldn't stop crying, and I couldn't - I can't -"

 

His hands are trembling, and his voice is starting to wobble again. So Remus opens his mouth to say something kind, something comforting, wanting to make him feel a little better. Instead, what comes out is, "You're not his dad?"

 

He wants to punch himself in the god damn face. Seriously. He deserves it. He's been trying to build himself up to ask about Harry for weeks and he finally gets it out now?

 

He braces himself to be told to get the hell out of Sirius's apartment, and possibly to never contact him again. It doesn't come, though. When he can finally bring himself to look at Sirius again, he's biting down hard on his lip; he looks as though it's taking all of his strength not to completely fall to pieces. Once again, Remus can't help himself. He puts a hand on Sirius's back, and Sirius freezes for a moment before crumpling against Remus's shoulder.

 

"I'm his godfather," he explains quietly, as Remus, almost on pure instinct, wraps an arm around him. "His dad was my best friend. They... his parents, they died about six months ago."

 

Cold horror slides its way down Remus's spine and settles into his stomach. He can't remember the last time he heard so much naked pain in a person's voice. He has no idea what to say; "I'm so sorry" seems very inadequate, but he whispers it anyway. Sirius just sighs heavily in response and curls up under Remus's arm properly. Neither of them says anything for a long time.

 

It's Sirius who ends up breaking the silence. "I'm sorry," he says, which is baffling considering Remus is the one who barged in on him crying and then started pushing boundaries. "I've been selfish lately."

 

"What are you talking about?" asks Remus blankly. He does a quick mental rundown of all the time they've spent together over the last month and comes up empty - he can't think of anything that Sirius has done wrong.

 

But nothing could've prepared him for what Sirius actually says.

 

"I really like you, Remus." (What.) "And so I've been dragging you around with me and Harry, and I haven't asked you out because I can't ask you out because I have a kid now and I can't just expect you to be cool with that, and it would be selfish if I did ask you out because I'm supposed to be looking after Harry and putting his needs first and everything. But I've been hanging out with you anyway. And now I'm rambling and I-"

 

"Sirius," Remus finds himself saying. "Slow down, okay?"

 

Sirius makes an apologetic face and falls silent, and Remus starts turning over everything that Sirius had just said in his head. Somehow, remarkably, he manages to put aside the fact that Sirius apparently fancies him (which is good because if he thinks about that right now he's going to become incoherent)and focus on the fact that Sirius is acting, well... pretty concerning.

 

It's not that Remus thinks he should take priority over Harry - obviously Harry should be Sirius's top priority. It's just that, the way Sirius is talking, it sounds like he thinks Harry should be his sole focus. And maybe Remus should just mind his own business, but given the way that Sirius was sobbing when Remus came in, he's kind of worried that he might not be coping too well.

 

He's quiet for way too long (he's overthinking, and he knows he's overthinking, but that doesn't actually stop him from overthinking), but eventually he just...says what's on his mind.

 

"What were Harry's parents's names?"

 

Sirius blinks, apparently a little surprised by the question. "James and Lily."

 

"Okay," Remus nods, worrying his lip a little between his teeth. "And... and since James and Lily died, have you been with Harry every day?"

 

At that, Sirius gives him a bit of a strange look. "I mean... yeah," he says slowly. "They kept him under observation in the hospital for a few days because he... he was in the car when they... but I was there during visiting hours. So... yeah, I guess."

 

"Alright," says Remus, keeping his tone as cautiously gentle as possible. "Hear me out, okay? I understand what you're saying, I really do - of course Harry is your top priority - but... I don't know... does this happen a lot, what happened today?"

 

"No." Sirius is starting to sound defensive now, and Remus tries as hard as he can not to get pulled down into anxiety over it. "I mean... it used to happen more. I have it under control now."

 

"It's just..." (God, Remus is definitely overstepping here.) "Your best friend died, it's totally okay if you're not always okay. I just feel like you need to give yourself time and space to process and just... be sad, you know? Like... maybe you should see somebody about it, if you haven't already."

 

"I can't drag Harry with me to a shrink's office," Sirius protests. "I mean, I can bring some toys or something, but what am I supposed to do if I... if I lose my cool, or something? He'll get upset if I get upset."

 

"Does he have any other family...? Or do you?"

 

Sirius snorts, and Remus can't help but cringe a little - it seems he's said the wrong thing. "No," says Sirius. "I don't have any family. And Harry might as well not have any, his mum's sister is a racist bitch. She wants nothing to do with him."

 

"Okay," Remus says slowly. "He definitely needs to choose his next words very carefully. "Just... listen, Sirius. You're clearly doing an amazing job with Harry. It's been so obvious since I met you that you care about him so much and that you'd do anything for him."

 

Sirius is starting to look teary-eyed again. He looks away from Remus, fixing his gaze on one of the walls; from the way Remus can hear his breath hitching, he'd guess that he's trying not to dissolve back into tears.

 

"But the thing is," Remus continues, "I mean, I'm not a parent or anything, but it just seems to me that it'll probably get harder and harder to keep taking care of Harry if you aren't taking care of yourself as well, and... and if that means taking some time for yourself once in a while, that's okay."

 

Sirius hesitates. His eyes kind of flick around the room a little, and he starts chewing on his lip. Remus doesn't push him (he's definitely been pushy enough for one day already), just waits for him to be ready to speak.

 

"I don't know where I'd be without Harry," he finally says, "but it would be nowhere good. I probably would've drunk myself to death or something by now." He laughs a little, like he's trying to play it off as a joke, but it's so hollow that Remus knows he means it. "So... so isn't taking care of him also taking care of myself? Kind of?"

 

Remus can't bring himself to say "no". He just sighs a little and squeezes Sirius lightly. "I don't know," he says honestly. "Just... think about it, will you?"

 

There's a small pause before Sirius nods, and Remus gives him a reassuring smile. "Great. Okay," he says. "Now... would you like to be alone, or would you like to watch a film or something? Or we can talk about it some more, if you'd like to."

 

"Stay," Sirius says, sounding firmer than he has since Remus arrived. "You can pick something to watch."

 

Remus gets up just long enough to put on Pacific Rim before sitting back down on the couch; Sirius cuddles back up to him almost immediately, and they watch the movie mostly in silence.

 

Thankfully, the awesome robots and kaiju fights are entertaining enough that Remus is able to keep his mind off of Sirius apparently fancying him. He can freak out about that later, in the privacy of his own home.

 

By the end of the movie, Sirius is yawning, and Remus decides he'd better leave him to get some rest. He gives him one last squeeze before disentangling himself and getting off of the couch.

 

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Sirius asks sleepily, his hair a little mussed up from where he'd been leaning on Remus's shoulder, and he looks so cute that Remus's heart skips a beat. All he can do is nod (reassuringly, he hopes) because, as usual, his mouth has decided to stop working.

 

At least he manages to make it out the door before a big, goofy smile takes over his whole face.

Chapter 5: Chapter Five

Summary:

Long story short, Remus is miserable and his life is pathetic and he's trying quite hard not to get his hopes up about Sirius because he can't see anything coming from getting his hopes up other than the aforementioned hopes ending up in a flaming pile on the ground.

Notes:

I am SO sorry about the huge delay in writing/posting this last chapter. Depression is a bitch lol. I hope you all enjoy it now that it's finally up!

For the next few days, Remus doesn't hear from Sirius very much. He doesn't go completely radio silent - he sends Remus a few texts, mostly random one-off stuff, but it's reassuring to know that Remus hadn't completely put him off, what with his prying and boundary-pushing and everything.

 

Unfortunately, the reduced communication means that Remus has extra time to overthink everything - namely Sirius allegedly fancying him. Just... sorry, but it's pretty damn difficult for Remus to believe. It makes no sense. In fact, Remus would call it downright illogical, all things considered. "All things" being that Sirius looks like that and Remus is sickly and scrawny and has wonky teeth and is overall just... not in Sirius's league. At all.

 

Anyways, even if Sirius thinks he likes Remus now, Remus's health issues have gotten in the way of relationships before; when people realize the limitations that his nerve damage and organ damage actually put on what Remus can do and when and how often, and when they realize how unpredictable it all is and how flaky it can sometimes make him, a fair number of people either get intimidated or decide he's not worth the effort. Remus had mentioned his pain issues, of course, and Sirius had been understanding then; but there's still plenty of time for Sirius to change his mind about whether Remus is worth the trouble.

 

And then there's Harry. Who Remus is extremely fond of at this point, don't get him wrong - it's just that he sincerely doubts Sirius is going to change his mind about what he was saying the other day, that it's selfish to want to date Remus when he's got Harry to look after. Even if he somehow, miraculously manages to get his head around the idea that Sirius apparently fancies him, he doubts it will make a difference to the outcome of this situation.

 

That outcome being that Remus is never going to get to date Sirius, and will probably die alone.

 

Peter, when Remus calls him up to complain about how everything is terrible and his life stinks and why did stupid Sirius have to come into Remus's stupid bookshop and make Remus fall in love with his stupid face, says that he thinks Remus might be overthinking things again; but instead of that making Remus feel better, he just starts overthinking about whether he's overthinking. So that's brilliant.

 

Long story short, Remus is miserable and his life is pathetic and he's trying quite hard not to get his hopes up about Sirius because he can't see anything coming from getting his hopes up other than the aforementioned hopes ending up in a flaming pile on the ground.

 

("You're a little bit of a mess, mate," Peter remarks to him, and all Remus can do is groan in agreement.)

 

One week after he last saw Sirius, Remus gets a text as he's opening the shop. He fishes his phone out of his pocket with one hand as he fumbles with the keys with the the other, and his heart skips a beat in a now quite familiar way when he sees Sirius' name on his screen.

 

"what kind of coffee do u like?"

 

"hot chocolate ;)" he sends back once he's gotten inside and turned the lights on. He doesn't think much of it - it's not terribly unusual for Sirius to text him random questions - but then he receives another text, within seconds of sending his response, that makes him start frantically flattening his hair down and smoothing out his rumpled jumper.

 

"lol ur too cute. r u working today? is it cool if i come by?"

 

Remus takes a quick moment to panic - he's really cut his panic time down recently, somehow, in spite of everything, and he's quite pleased about it - before texting back "yeah, sounds good".

 

Sirius is there within ten minutes.

 

He has a coffee cup in each hand and a big smile on his face and... he doesn't have Harry with him. He's not wearing the baby carrier, nor is he pushing the stroller.

 

Also, he's wearing a crop top.

 

Remus is going to die.

 

Sirius offers him one of the cups - "Hot chocolate," he says, "with whipped cream, I hope that's okay" - and all Remus can do is stare at him and blink a few times.

 

“Remus?” Sirius prompts him, wiggling the proffered cup slightly. “Hot chocolate?”

 

“Sorry,” Remus chokes out, taking it from him hastily. “I just… you look really, uh… really nice.”

 

Sirius actually blushes a little, and he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear - a gesture that Remus is starting to realize is a nervous habit. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself."

 

Remus looks down at himself. He's wearing one of his oldest jumpers - one of his favourites, but the cuffs are starting to fray - and some faded black jeans. He's hardly the height of fashion. But he doesn't comment, just looks back up, takes the hot chocolate, and gives Sirius the most normal smile he possibly can.

 

"Where's Harry?" he asks as he takes a sip of his drink, which is actually... ridiculously good. (He makes a mental note to ask Sirius where he got it.)

 

Sirius leans against the counter; he doesn't meet Remus's eyes, just keeps his gaze on his hands. "I..." he says, sounding uncharacteristically hesitant. "I left him with my friend Marlene. She said she would look after him for the day."

 

He looks so unsure of himself, and Remus can see traces of guilt lingering on his face. He glances at Remus out of the corner of his eye, almost as though he's expecting to be scolded - even though Remus had been the one to tell him to consider some alone time.

 

So Remus gives him the most reassuring smile he can. "That's nice of her," he says. "Got any plans for your day off?"

 

"If I say 'you' is that corny?"

 

Remus feels himself turn red, because of course he's blushing and can't just be cool for once. Also, his mouth has decided to stop working again, so that's fun. He just shakes his head mutely, his face turning even redder as Sirius smiles at him.

 

"Good," he says, "because I wanted to talk to you."

 

"Oh," Remus says blankly. That sounds... ominous. Probably Sirius wants to tell him that he was just, like, delirious or something when he said he liked Remus the other day. (That doesn't really jive with Sirius calling him cute and bringing him hot chocolate, but Remus never claimed that his anxiety is rational.)

 

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said the other day." Sirius is still not quite looking at him, just glancing out of the corner of his eye, and he's absentmindedly picking at the cardboard sleeve on his coffee cup. "And... and you were right. About all of it."

 

"I was?" is Remus's first thought, but he manages to restrain himself from saying it. He just nods and tries to look encouraging, waiting for Sirius to go on.

 

"I made an appointment with a therapist," Sirius blurts out after a brief pause, his words coming out slightly rushed. "Well, two appointments. One a few days ago, and another later this week. And I talked to some of Lily's friends - Harry's mum - I don't know why I never thought of it before, that they might want to see Harry, but Marlene said she'd be happy to look after him sometimes and so did Mary. And... and I left him with Marlene for a few hours while I was at my appointment the other day, and I was kind of a mess about it, but then everything was fine. He was perfectly happy when I came to pick him up and Marlene said she'd be happy to take him again, so... so I wanted to come see you and say thank you."

 

Remus is… speechless. He couldn’t stop the smile that’s spreading across his face if he tried, but he does feel like it might be mildly inappropriate, so he ducks his head and smiles down at the counter instead.

 

“No need to thank me - I mean, you did all the difficult parts -”

 

“But I wouldn’t have,” Sirius interrupts, sounding solemn and earnest all at once. “I would have kept going the way I was going until I shattered into pieces, and I would never have asked for help, because I never do - if you hadn’t pointed out how badly I needed it, and said what you said about Harry, I would not have gone for therapy, and that is a fact, Mr. Lupin, so don’t you try to be all modest about it.”

 

Somehow, Remus manages to swallow down the urge to protest. “Don’t mention it,” he manages, and then adds: “How was it? Your appointment, I mean.”

 

Sirius pulls a little face, which is unfairly cute, and shrugs. "You know. Hard. Probably only going to get harder. I mean, and then easier, or so I've been told."

 

Before Remus has a change to respond, the bell over the door jingles and a customer walks in - a young woman who looks frazzled beyond belief. She's in sweatpants and a t-shirt which is both inside out and backwards, and when her eyes fall on Remus, she lets out a huge sigh of relief.

 

"Hi," she says breathlessly. "I'm looking for a book, it's really, really urgent. Do you have anything on wallpaper manufacturing in 19th century France? I mean, really it's a specific book that I need but at this point any book will do, I have like, 12 hours to get this paper done-"

 

Remus is very much under the impression that this woman is going to dissolve into tears if he doesn't produce this book imminently. As subtly as he can, he shoots Sirius an apologetic look - Sirius raises his eyebrows in response, as if to say "go do your job", and so Remus accompanies the customer upstairs and spends about ten minutes going through the shelves with her until finally, finally, he unearths a book entitled “Between Invention and Production: The Role of Design in the Manufacture of Wallpaper in France and England at the Turn of the Nineteenth Century” and she practically starts weeping as she thanks him profusely.

 

When they get back downstairs, Sirius is still leaning against the counter, sipping his coffee. (And, Remus can't help but think, he still looks really, really, really good.) He steps aside to let the young woman pay, and then she dashes out and Remus and Sirius are alone together once again.

 

"Should I go?" Sirius asks. "I mean, you're at work and all-"

 

"No, stay," Remus replies hurriedly. "I mean, if you don't mind waiting around if a customer comes in - sorry about that, by the way, I didn't think it would take so long -"

 

"Don't apologize." Sirius laughs, and Remus is pretty sure it's rapidly becoming one of his favourite sounds in the world. "Gave me some time to rehearse what I want to say for - I dunno, the sixteenth time?"

 

As if on queue, Remus's heart starts racing. "Oh?" he says remarkably calmly, pretending like his brain isn't actively trying to convince as they speak him that Sirius is about to crush his heart into smithereens.

 

"Yeah, I guess I should just spit it out already, huh?"

 

Remus is definitely imagining how nervous Sirius looks, right? He’s picking at his coffee cup sleeve again and he’s got his gaze fixed down at the counter, and he’s silent for a moment before he says, “I’m kind of… a mess. I’ve been kind of a mess for a long time, since long before James died, and that certainly hasn’t helped matters at all. And I can be kind of a hard person to be around sometimes, and I have a kid now, and I don’t know that I’m worth the effort, but what I want to say is that I really, really like you, and that I’d really like to go out with you - and it’s not that I think you’re going to fix me or something, and I’ll totally understand if you don’t want to, but…”

 

He trails off with a wince and mumbles an apology under his breath, and Remus almost laughs because this is ridiculous, that Sirius would doubt for one second that of course Remus wants to date him and that he could possibly think that he’s the potentially undesirable one is just… he doesn’t even know what to say.

 

"I think you're underselling yourself a bit, there," he goes with eventually, because that’s as good a place as any to start. "You know I love Harry, and I, um, I'd really like to go out with you too?"

 

It seems to take a moment for that to land but as soon as it does, Sirius’s whole face lights up. “Wait, really?” he says, sounding positively delighted. “You mean that?”

 

“Yeah, of course I do, I just - I mean - listen, I’m kind of a mess too,” Remus blurts out, because apparently it’s his turn to ramble now. “I have health issues and an anxiety disorder and sometimes I can’t do stuff even if I want to, and some people find it all too much to handle, so you just… should probably factor all that in to asking me out. But, I mean, if you’re still interested-”

 

“Of course I’m still interested,” Sirius interrupts eagerly.

 

“-Then of course I want to go out with you,” Remus concludes. He feels like his face is on fire and hopes he doesn’t look too ridiculous, blushing so much. It seems that Sirius doesn’t think he looks ridiculous, because he grins widely and leans in across the counter, close enough that Remus can see the flecks of blue in his eyes.

 

“Awesome,” he says softly. “In that case, if it’s cool, I would really, really like to kiss you now.”

 

Remus doesn’t answer. Instead, he leans the rest of the way over the counter and kisses Sirius right on the mouth.

 

“Cool,” Sirius mumbles against his lips, and kisses him back.

 

***

3 Months Later

 

By the time the bookstore closes for the day, the steady drizzle that had lasted for most of the afternoon has tapered off. Remus had brought an umbrella with him to work (mostly thanks to the text he’d received from Sirius right before he left in the morning that said morning babe, rain 2day, take an umbrella :*) but he’s quite pleased not to have to use it.

 

He’s just locking the door behind him when, right on time, Sirius shows up, pushing Harry in his stroller. Harry squeals happily when Remus turns around to greet them, waving one chubby hand at him and saying, “Wemus, hi Wemus!”. It hadn’t taken him too long to master Remus’s name, but it still makes Remus smile every single time.

 

“Hey Harry,” he says in reply, walking over to them. “Hi Sirius.”

 

Even though it’s been three whole months, the way that Sirius smiles at him gives him butterflies. “How was work?” Sirius asks, planting a kiss on Remus’s cheek as soon as he gets close enough. “Are you still up for the art gallery or would you rather just go to your place for a bit?”

 

After a moment’s hesitation, Remus answers honestly. “I mean… my place, if you’re sure you don’t mind. I had to move some boxes around today, I’d kind of like to get off my feet.”

 

“‘Course,” Sirius says without missing a beat, and takes Remus’s hand as they start to walk. “We’ll order something in.”

 

Remus realises a block later that he hadn’t even been worried that Sirius would be annoyed or fed up about the art gallery - he’s perfectly content following Remus’s lead, even when that means staying in because his whole body is yelling at him. The moment’s hesitation had been for Harry, who loves visits to the art gallery - Lily used to take him, Sirius says, that’s probably why, although neither of them is quite sure whether it’s possible he remembers that and neither of them is inclined to find out. But it’s fine, they can go some other day, and he knows that Harry will also have a good time watching cartoons while he and Sirius cuddle on the couch.

 

He can’t stop smiling all the way home because he thinks, perhaps, that the future isn’t just the bookshop and doctor’s appointments. It’ll include those things, of course, but there’s so much more now - an adorable baby (who has officially outgrown his baby carrier), for one thing, and a boyfriend who’s doing better every day. He really thinks that things look bright for the two of them - that this could be something really real. When he looks forward, he doesn’t get dragged down into a pool of anxiety anymore - he just feels hopeful.

 

And when Harry insists on getting out of the stroller and walking, he reaches up for Remus’s hand as if it’s the most natural thing in the world; and Remus can’t think of anywhere he’d rather be than walking home with a tiny, sticky hand in his and the promise of a night in with Sirius before him.

Notes:

Emma (facingthenorthwind) deserves a LOT of credit for this last chapter. She helped me out so much and also literally wrote a few chunks of it from the backseat. THANK YOU EMMA <3

"Between Invention and Production: The Role of Design in the Manufacture of Wallpaper in France and England at the Turn of the Nineteenth Century" is the real name of an article by Christine Velut.

I'm quite excited because this is the first multichaptered fic I've completed in YEARS, I hope you've all enjoyed it! <3