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While McCoy would never admit it out loud, he really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the Kobayashi Maru. It was a stupid excuse for a training exercise that wasn’t even required for medical cadets, thank you very much, and bad enough he’d already played his dubious part navigating a fake ship around fake Klingons and getting fake killed with the rest of the fake crew. But rather than expound on this colossal waste of time, he’d commiserated with Jim after he’d predictably gotten his ass handed to him, and presumed that would be the end of that. And okay, he had noted the hard, affronted glint of defiance in Jim’s eye the rest of the afternoon and well into the night, but McCoy had hoped a few extra rounds at their favourite bar would put the nonsense to rest.
Only it hadn’t worked, and while Jim’s first try at the Kobayashi Maru had been remarkably hard-fought at the very least, this second attempt had been a fucking debacle. The sole positive of the humiliating experience had been their swift fake death after a mere two minutes of wild strategy – and yet McCoy didn’t dare speak his irritation with the whole exercise. If only because of the blank, defeated look in Jim’s eyes.
To say Jim Kirk didn’t take failure well would be putting it lightly.
‘C’mon, already.’ McCoy attempted another bracing pat on Jim’s shoulder as he coaxed his numb gait to turn leftward into their dorm room. ‘Nobody passes that goddamn test, that’s the whole point.’
‘I thought I’d figured it out, Bones.’ Jim dropped, depleted and lost, into his desk chair, hands hanging helplessly between his sprawled knees. ‘I could see the solution in my head, like it was right there…’ His shadowed eyes squinted into the far wall as though examining a distant star system, tightly concentrated before the moment vanished with a weary shake of his head. ‘That test’s a fucking joke,’ he snarled bitterly.
‘Glad we agree on that one, kid.’ His hands tugged at the neck of his drab grey simulator jumpsuit, loosening the zip and turning on the spot while he wrestled his arms free of the obnoxious thing. ‘I’m taking first shower,’ he announced grumpily, shoving the uniform down to his waist.
‘What the hell is that?’
Baffled, McCoy glanced over his shoulder. Jim was sitting up perfectly straight now, mouth gaping as his eyes roved frantically over his bare back down to his hips. Several beats of blank confusion froze McCoy on the spot before realization sent a self-conscious blush rushing to his face. He sharply looked away again, angrily willing himself to not cover the marks on his back like some despoiled damsel.
‘Shit, what happened? That looks bad, Bones.’ Jim pushed on in the silence of McCoy’s refusal to answer. ‘Like someone hit you or something… wait a second, did someone hurt you? Because I swear, I’ll–’
‘I said, stay there.’ The end of Pike’s leather belt snapped at his shoulder, urging him back down and McCoy simultaneously tensed and melted into the mattress, both reactions coming as natural as breathing or lust. The sting echoed across his warmed flesh, making him moan into the pillow.
‘It’s nothing, kid.’ He fussed with the work of toeing off his boots and socks so he wouldn’t have to continue removing his simulator suit under Jim’s scrutiny.
‘Nothing?’ Jim echoed incredulously. ‘Nothing? Have you seen yourself? Hell, look at that, it’s like someone tried to take a bite out of your…’
Jim trailed off, and McCoy cringed. He swore he could hear the penny drop in the silence.
‘You’ve been having sex.’
Jaw clenching, McCoy snapped his head back around to glare at Jim. ‘You know, that surprised tone isn’t exactly flattering,’ he snarled.
‘Why shouldn’t I be surprised?’ Jim retorted wildly. ‘You never told me you were getting laid! What the hell, Bones?’
‘That mouth of yours will get you in trouble some day, Cadet.’ McCoy shuddered at the slick agility of Pike’s tongue tracing the contours of his panting lips. ‘Repeat after me: “Permission to speak freely, sir.”’
‘A gentleman never tells.’ Even to his own ears, the drawl sounded cheap, like a parody of his voice. ‘I’m taking a shower.’
He retreated to the head before Jim could throw back a reply, deflating against the door as soon as it slid shut behind him. The cold surface pressed hard against the days-old abrasions on his bare skin, calming the ache that had already set his cock stirring.
Heaving a sigh, McCoy pushed away and shoved his uniform the rest of the way down his hips, letting the itchy grey fabric pool around his ankles where he impatiently kicked it to the corner. The only mirror in the tiny bathroom was the one affixed to the wall over the sink, and McCoy twisted around awkwardly, head craning to get a better look at his back’s reflection. He winced at what he saw – it did look pretty bad now that the welts from Pike’s belt were fading to an ugly yellow at the edges of the fading bruises. The layered imprints of teeth on his shoulder were far more vibrant; McCoy touched one lightly, his skin sparking beneath his fingers as though remembering the bright pressure and damp heat of Chris biting him there, claiming with his mouth what his cock had been taking of his body, so hard but so torturously slow at the same time...
Just as quickly, he snatched his hand away and snapped his attention away from the mirror and to the narrow shower cubicle. He set the water running as hot as it would go until steam fumed as thick as his temper. The way Jim had reacted back there filled him with a shame he refused to feel, like he had done something wrong in having a sex life. Or perhaps in having the sort of sex life that involved a bit more rough and tumble than whatever passed for the norm. The misplaced horror in Jim’s eyes clearly hadn’t understood, and McCoy stifled a strangled little laugh to realize that explaining that he had literally asked for it wouldn’t do much to make Jim’s worries go away.
Chris bucked hard beneath him, a single testing arc of his body before sagging back against the bed, accepting McCoy’s hands pinning his shoulders with an amused huff of breath. ‘Disobeying orders already?’ he murmured wryly. McCoy smirked in response, bowing his head to tongue lightly at a nipple.
‘You love it when I’m disobedient,’ he pointed out. ‘Just means you’ll have to punish me later.’
Jim had it all wrong, and had no business passing judgment on anything he got up to with Pike in the privacy of his off-campus apartment. Or in the relative privacy of an office or storeroom or hospital exam room. Or that one time in the cavernous shuttle bay, which hadn’t been a private place at all but it had been well worth the risk for the way every choked-off sound had echoed around them, for the humid heat of steam pouring off the conduits and making Chris’ hair tangle into damp curls around his fingers...
Arousal pulsed heavy and greedy between his legs, but McCoy grit his teeth and pressed both hands alongside his weary brow against the slick tiles, letting the cooling water race down his back until the urge to jerk off dissipated with the steam. There would be little hot water left for Jim’s shower, but he honestly didn’t give a shit. McCoy kept his mind focused on that one petty revenge as he briskly dried himself, keeping his touch impersonal and willing his erection to calm down to dull semi-hardness.
He kept his towel firmly wrapped high around his waist as he ducked back into their shared room and hastily sought out his uniform, shoulders hunched defensively against Jim’s disapproval but Jim was steadfastly ignoring him in favour of the recording of today’s test repeating itself on his viewscreen. Even though the unmoving distance in his eyes made it obvious that Jim wasn’t really seeing any of the replay, McCoy allowed him the pretense, used the distraction to quickly dress himself.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.’
McCoy quirked an eyebrow, unsurprised that Jim, without looking, had judged the exact moment that his red tunic had covered his torso before continuing their conversation. ‘I didn’t realize I had to tell you everything about my sex life, Jim,’ he muttered, already wary.
‘You don’t.’ Jim swiveled his chair away from the viewscreen at last, his taut voice failing miserably at hiding a wounded accusation. ‘But I thought I was your friend.’
‘You are.’ That hurt, there was no denying it. McCoy scrubbed a frustrated hand through his damp hair, glaring at the floor in search of his boots. ‘But it’s not a big deal. I mean, you tumble off with a different woman every week….’
‘And you know about it, don’t you?’ Jim’s reply snapped quickly off his tongue. ‘I don’t hide it from you, Bones. I don’t lie about it.’
He could feel his temper rising again, and focused a moment on shoving his feet into his boots before he accidentally retorted with something best unsaid, something like I wish you would hide it instead of rubbing my face in it, you horny overindulged brat. ‘I wasn’t lying about it, damn it,’ he replied instead. ‘I just… we prefer to be discrete. It’s complicated…’
‘It’s not,’ Jim muttered darkly. ‘You’re just fucking. That’s all.’
‘Oh, grow up, Jim.’ He couldn’t help his irate tone, nor the way he stalked forward to Jim’s chair, towering angrily over him. ‘Not every relationship comes that simple, and maybe that’s what it’s like for you and your little flings about campus but we are not “just fucking.” Not to mention if it were found out, he could–’
Jim’s eyebrows shot up, and McCoy looked away again, repressing a curse.
‘He.’ Jim repeated the pronoun dully, illegibly.
‘Is that a problem, too?’
‘What? No, Bones, not...’ Jim drew a steadying breath against his defensive rambling. ‘No, it’s just... the ex-wife, I just assumed...’
‘You assumed wrong.’ Risking a glance back, he saw Jim eyeing him as though he were noticing him for the first time; it made him feel like even more of a disappointment. ‘I’m not ashamed of it, Jim.’
‘Then why the hell won’t you tell me anything about him?’ Jim asked coolly. ‘Is he ashamed of you? Or are you keeping this secret to protect some abusive bastard’s precious reputation? Because that’s bullshit, Bones. You can do better.’
McCoy stared bleakly back at Jim, a flurry of protests ringing around his mind. ‘It’s… complicated,’ he tried again, a lot less conviction left in his voice. Jim was still scrutinizing him in a way that seemed to pull every lascivious truth from every bite and scratch adorning his body. He had to look away again, determined not to give Jim the satisfaction of seeing him blush. ‘I’ve got to go study,’ he announced wearily, absently patting down his pockets before charging towards the door.
‘It’s bullshit,’ Jim repeated behind him, in a serious tone McCoy couldn’t recall hearing from him in the past three years, both quiet and intense. ‘If I had you, I’d want the entire fucking Academy to know.’
Heat prickled like acid through McCoy’s chest, stabbed him messily through the gut. ‘Damn it, Jim’ he snarled, bitter under his breath. ‘Don’t talk shit you don’t understand.’
The door of their quarters could neither open nor close fast enough for McCoy’s liking; he was halfway down the corridor before he heard the hiss of the door sliding shut on all that uncomfortable silence. He walked quickly but aimlessly through the building, took the adjoining glass bridge into the neighbouring dormitory block and shut himself into the first abandoned study cubicle he found.
His hand trembled with lingering anger as he tugged his personal communicator from his uniform pocket and flipped it open, fingers fumbling to enter the right frequency, breath rasping like a ripsaw through his chest as he waited for the sound of his voice.
'Captain Pike here, go ahead.’
‘It’s McCoy, sir.’ He bit his lip a moment, uncertain. ‘There’s a matter I’d like to discuss with you, provided you’re not occupied with any appointments or…’
'I’m expecting Admiral Barnett in five minutes, Cadet.’ Pike’s voice was carefully neutral over the comm link. 'If you like, I could arrange to meet with you at a later–’
‘That won’t be necessary,’ McCoy replied hastily, clumsily covering his disappointment. ‘I’ll contact you at a more convenient time. McCoy out.’
He slapped his communicator shut before Pike could reply and sank deeper into his chair, cringing in the dark cubicle at his own reckless stupidity. Clenched tight in the balled fist pressed to his forehead, the communicator emitted a muffled beep. He hesitated, flipped it open again. ‘McCoy,’ he droned listlessly.
'We’re on a secure channel now.’ The pitch of Pike’s voice had changed, cool professionalism warmed through by low-voiced concern. 'Talk to me, Leo. What’s happened?’
McCoy closed his eyes, parted lips hovering close to the fine grill of his communicator as he tried to organize his thoughts, only to realize how pathetic it all sounded. ‘Nothing happened,’ he said lazily, shaking his head for an audience of no one. ‘Don’t worry about it, you’ve got your meeting…’
‘Shove the damn meeting.’ The sharp edge of Pike’s reply made McCoy wonder how well things were going with Barnett these days. ‘And don’t lie to me, you’re frustrated about something. I can tell.’
‘Look, it’s… it’s nothing, really. I just…’ McCoy cleared his throat, pushing past the bullshit to get at something like truth. ‘I wanted to see you. That’s all.’
‘I miss you, too.’ Which wasn’t a precise echo of McCoy’s stilted admission, but took one step closer to honesty. ‘Are you alone?’
McCoy cast a scornful eye around his hiding place, feeling a little stupid. ‘Yeah.’
‘Good,’ Pike said, slow and warm. ‘Because you’ve got about four minutes to come for me and I’m sure you’d do better without an audience.’
‘What the hell, Chris?’ he sputtered, wide eyes darting towards the unlocked door.
‘Less than four minutes now, and it doesn’t sound like your hand is on your dick just yet.’
That chiding tone should not have been a turn-on, but McCoy found himself obeying regardless, his fingers fumbling at his trousers and finding himself hard and ready; the arousal he had felt during his shower still throbbed through his bloodstream. ‘And what if I hadn’t been alone?’ he asked throatily, wrapping a tentative hand around his heavy shaft.
‘I’d have made you touch yourself anyway. Let them see how horny you are for me.’
McCoy’s reservations broke with a harsh groan, a firm stroke over his throbbing cock. ‘Oh God, Chris...’
‘Does that turn you on, putting yourself on display like some dirty peep show?’ Chris asked silkily. Even the faint electronic crackle of the communicator made his words sound that much seedier, obscene. ‘Or do you just get off on getting ordered around?’
Pumping himself faster, breath coming in desperate gasps and grunts, McCoy could barely muster the presence of mind to respond. He licked at his lips, shook his head. ‘Might be a bit of both,’ he admitted hoarsely. ‘The door’s unlocked...’
A sharp little moan sounded back over his comm, and McCoy grinned to know that he wasn’t the only one getting hot and bothered here. ‘What if someone walks in?’ he asked hotly. ‘What would you do?
‘I suppose...’ He arched restlessly in his chair, pleasure burning close beneath his fast-working fingers. ‘Whatever you tell me to do,’ he moaned softly. ‘Captain...’
‘Fuck...’ Pike sounded strained, breathless. ‘Yes, like that... go on, come for me, right now, come on...’
McCoy didn’t need telling twice - the very command was enough to set him off with a deeply satisfied groan, his orgasm pulsing hot in the palm of his hand. His low cries of pleasure echoed tight off the narrow walls of the study cubicle, resounding over the indecipherable murmurs of Pike’s voice from his other hand.
‘Chris?’ he called weakly, bringing the comm back up to his lips.
‘Yes, beautiful, I’m...’ His voice trailed off, then: ‘Shit. Barnett’s here, I’ve got to-’
The comm signal beeped back to silence, but McCoy understood. With a sigh, he flipped it shut, frowning at the semen already cooling on his fingers.
He hadn’t entirely lied to Jim; he really did need to study now that the nonsense with the Kobayashi Maru was finally behind them. He was more than ready for his medical exams, but all this extraneous Starfleet bullshit wasn’t going to learn itself.
He had been settled at his preferred table hidden away behind the third floor stacks for scarcely twenty minutes, trying to focus on his Navigation Fundamentals notes with distracting echoes of Pike’s voice in his head, when the scrape of a second chair joining him made him jump and sit upright from his easy slouch. Jim was sitting himself down across the table, all his usual confidence belied by the nervous shadow in his blue eyes, glancing around the stacks rather than piercing through McCoy as they normally would.
‘Hey,’ Jim greeted softly.
‘Jim.’ McCoy flicked him a glance and stared back down at the PADD in his hand. He heard rather than saw Jim release an uncomfortable sigh.
‘Look, I…’ A bracing indrawn breath tugged at McCoy’s reluctant curiosity. ‘You seem… happy.’
He blinked rapidly at his notes, every nerve ending in his face twitching into a baffled frown. ‘Are you joking?’ he snapped, squinting suspiciously up at Jim.
‘Well, not now, obviously.’ An almost-pout pulled at Jim’s full lips. ‘But just now… I was watching you from over there–’
‘Creepy bastard.’
‘And you were thinking of him, weren’t you?’ Jim pushed on stubbornly. ‘You had this look on your face…’
McCoy cleared his throat awkwardly, hoping that the heat he could feel rising up his neck wasn’t going to turn into a full-on girlish blush.
‘And anyway… way I see it, anyone who can put that look on your face is fine by me.’
Surprised, McCoy offered his sternest eyebrow. ‘And what makes you think I needed you approval anyway, kid?’
‘Hey, don’t give me that shit!’ Jim protested, though the light was already coming back on in his eyes. ‘I’m giving you my blessing here, old man, even with all that kinky shit to deal with. Way I see it, you’re getting off easy here.’
Before he could stop himself, some counterproductive jackass in the back of his mind had already filed away the revelation that James T. Kirk, bed-hopper extraordinaire, was not into ‘kinky shit.’ Which McCoy couldn’t help but feel was a gross exaggeration of a few love bites and playful slaps but he wasn’t planning on analyzing that revelation any further so he offered a short nod instead, returning his attention to his PADD. ‘So we’re good?’
‘You bet.’ Jim grinned. ‘Won’t mention it again.’
‘Good.’
‘Unless you want to talk about it. Or anything.’
‘Mm, nope. I’m good.’
‘So is he an instructor or what?’
‘Damn it, Jim!’ He slapped his PADD down on the table, aghast.
‘Is that a yes?’ Jim met his glare with open curiosity, intently watching his every reaction in a way that couldn’t be the slightest bit good. ‘Only the way I see it, there’s no reason why you should have to hide it if it were just some other cadet, and you don’t seem to get out otherwise, so it has to be someone at the Academy, right? So it must be-’
‘Cadets.’
The tension knotting in McCoy’s gut twisted nauseously at the sound of his voice. He swayed slightly in his seat, fervently repressing the urge to vomit. Sometimes, Christopher Pike had the worst timing imaginable.
‘Captain!’ Jim kicked smartly to his feet, any due respect undermined by a cocky smirk. By rights, McCoy should have stood in greeting as well, but his legs had gone numb with horror. He remained seated, eyes fixed on the desk, waiting for his doom to drop on his head.
‘As you were,’ Pike replied, and McCoy was vaguely aware of Jim slouching back against the edge of the desk. Any second now, he was going to put all the pieces together, was going to notice McCoy’s paralysis and realize...
‘This better not be about the Maru,’ Jim said breezily, ‘because that result was totally fixed. Who the hell supervises that test, anyway?’
Stunned, and a little bit hopeful, McCoy glanced disbelievingly up at Jim. The self-serving, wonderful bastard.
‘I’m technically not allowed to tell you that, and trust me, knowing isn’t going to help you any.’ On the surface, Pike’s tone was easy and casual, but McCoy thought he heard a deflection in there as well. ‘It’s called a no-win scenario for a reason.’
Jim let loose a derisive snort. ‘And I already told you that’s bullshit.’
‘That you did,’ Pike replied fondly, and McCoy finally dared to look up at the captain. He knew Jim took a few classes with Pike, but the two seemed far more familiar than a teacher and student normally should be, not that McCoy had any right to judge. Looking again, he couldn’t help but notice Jim’s body language, the way he canted his hips towards Pike like he was a prospect on one of their weekend bar crawls. And the glint of arousal in Pike’s eyes wasn’t exactly discouraging.
Relief forgotten, McCoy grit his teeth. Sure, Jim’s ego may have just saved his ass, but fuck.
‘So, what can I do for you, Captain?’ Jim practically winked the question. McCoy nearly ground his own molars into non-existence.
‘Actually, I wonder if I can borrow your colleague here for a small matter,’ Pike answered smoothly. ‘If you’re not busy otherwise, Doctor?’
Even though the surprise in Jim’s eyes mirrored his own, McCoy jumped readily to his feet. ‘Not at all, sir,’ he said politely. Anything to get the both of them away from Jim’s quick-witted scrutiny, not to mention his libido.
‘Good.’ With a satisfied nod, Pike turned his attention back to Jim while McCoy fumbled to collect his PADD. ‘See you in tutorial next week, Kirk.’
‘Sure thing, Captain.’ A note of uncertainty tainted Jim’s farewell, and carried into the gaze he fixed on McCoy as he shuffled away from his chair. ‘Later, Bones.’
‘See you, Jim.’
He kept his eyes down as he fell into step several paces behind Pike, attempting to look for all the world like a deferential cadet obeying orders. Biting his lower lip, he refused to voice any questions as they made their way through the library and outside to the dusk-shadowed quad, the silence of early evening growing thick between them until Pike’s voice warmed the air between them.
‘Kirk is really something else, isn’t he?’
If anything, McCoy’s frown deepened. ‘I suppose he is, at that,’ he agreed moodily. He chewed on the question briefly before he spat it out. ‘How d’you know Jim? Besides teaching, of course, because that wasn’t any sort of student-teacher thing I was seeing back there.’
‘You’re right, it wasn’t.’ Pike’s easy agreement took him off guard. ‘I recruited him from the deep end of a bar-room brawl the night before that shuttle left Riverside.’ Pike smiled privately to himself, shaking his head. ‘Feisty little shit, wasn’t entirely sure he was gonna show.’
Despite the warmth in Pike’s voice, a sudden chill gripped McCoy’s insides, a twisting tornado that dragged his heart down into his belly and condemned him for a damned sentimental fool and a jealous bastard besides. Never mind the hint of loneliness that had crept out of Pike’s words that humid night back in Georgia, the frantic desire that had echoed back to McCoy’s own need, because the captain clearly had his own way of alleviating the empty ache of a solitary life, and the sort of job that made it so goddamn easy to seduce whatever fell into his path.
And Jim… He’d known Jim Kirk for the better part of three years now and he’d seen enough to know that there was no contest between them. Jim was charming where he was gruff, alarmingly gifted where McCoy had gotten by through old-fashioned hard work. Not to mention that the kid was too pretty to be allowed, with those sky-blown eyes and that plush, inviting mouth and the rest of the package was plenty alright, which McCoy only knew because Jim wasn’t one for modesty or towels after showers and damn it, this wasn’t fair…
‘So, Bones?’ Pike’s voice cut through the red fog settling over his mind, the sound of that name off his lips enough to distract him completely.
‘Huh?’
‘He called you Bones.’
‘Long story,’ McCoy huffed, eyes trained on the rapidly shifting ground beneath his boots A story that starts with your voice in my ear and your hand on my dick. He cleared his throat awkwardly and dared a glance upward, refusing to flinch at Pike’s examining stare.
‘Hmn.’ Suspicion crinkled at the corner of his eye for a curious moment, then quickly smoothed away. ‘Well, never mind that, didn’t want to talk about Kirk anyway.’
‘Is that so?’ His eyes rolled with mild exasperation. From first year cadets to vice-admirals, it seemed everyone wanted to grill him about Jim sooner or later. ‘Whatever shall we talk about then?’
‘You.’ Pike ducked into a narrow turning between two buildings with a quick jerk of his head that McCoy followed by instinct. ‘And less of the talk, if it’s all the same to you,’ he continued in a rough hush. ‘I just spent two hours in departmental debriefs with a raging hard-on because I couldn’t stop thinking about that filthy little noise you made when you came for me this afternoon.’
Embarrassed heat rushed over McCoy’s neck and all the way down his spine. ‘Are you insane?’ he growled, eyes flashing along the promenade.
‘No, not like that,’ Pike corrected wryly, ‘I remember it being more of a whimpering sound. Think we’d best head somewhere private, though, check that I’m remembering it just right.’
Pike was already walking away, following a narrow alleyway to the next quad, staking out a path that McCoy irresistibly followed; his indignation wasn’t anywhere near equal to the heady flush of arousal coursing beneath his uniform.
‘I don’t whimper,’ he grumbled sourly.
It turned out he did whimper. Quite a lot, with the right motivation.
He hadn’t stood a chance, not against the quick brutality of Pike’s hands tearing his uniform away and pushing him towards the bed before McCoy could even register the room they had just entered. A searing, demanding kiss claimed his mouth before he could voice any protest and gravity tilted sideways with a hard shove that threw McCoy down onto the wide mattress and even if he had wanted to sit upright Pike’s weight bearing down on him prevented anything of the sort.
When Pike had finally climaxed deep within McCoy’s body, and they had collapsed loose-limbed into the devastated sheets, McCoy had ended up somewhere nearer the foot of the bed, sprawled at a weird diagonal that threatened to send his upper half clear off the edge. It had taken considerable effort to gather himself together into a poor imitation of dignity semi-seated against the end rail of the bed, legs drawn beneath him and one hand clenched close to his bruised mouth.
His eyes scanned the anonymous room, an unused dormitory in the teaching block that Pike had accessed with a wink and a clearance code. The bottle of brandy, the black satchel waiting on a side table showed that Pike had selected this room in advance, had anticipated this encounter with his usual preparedness. And because they were still on Academy grounds, McCoy had played his part accordingly, had gasped out Captain and Please, Sir with breathless obedience. Pike had smirked his pleasure, had moaned his appreciation, and called him nothing.
Well, that wasn’t true. He remembered the hoarse hush of slut pushing at his ear as Pike had shoved inside him.
He closed his eyes around the memory, gave his head a shake.
‘Something wrong?’
‘It’s nothing.’
A hand skimmed over his calf, the tenderness in Pike’s touch heavy with disbelief. ‘Doesn’t seem like nothing.’
McCoy sighed, opened the tight fist of his hand so he could scrub his palm over his face, resting with his forehead pressed into the heel of his hand. He could keep evading questions and play coy until the man got bored, but that was a long game and sex tended to turn Pike into a more persistent asshole than usual, as though orgasm had rendered him damn near invincible. ‘It’s Jim,’ McCoy confessed reluctantly. ‘He was asking questions. About… he saw…’ Something shy in him couldn’t speak the words, and was forced to settle for a shrug, a jerk of the head that couldn’t possibly indicate anything on his own body but Pike’s hand went there anyway, tracing one of the faded welts crossing his lower back.
‘These?’ he asked. McCoy nodded stiffly. ‘What did he say?’
A soundless chuckle shook his shoulders. ‘He says you’re an abusive bastard, and that I can do better.’ He felt Pike’s hand go still where it had been fondly tracing over his back. ‘Not that he has any idea who you are, or what he’s talking about,’ he added, glancing reassuringly over his shoulder. Pike refused to meet his eye, was studying the marks on his skin with tight lips.
‘I’m sorry.’ Pike’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, contrite. ‘I should have thought… I know it would have been difficult for you to get rid of them yourself, but I can help with the dermal regenerator if you–’
‘Don’t be stupid, Chris,’ he scolded, turning away again to hide the blush rising in his face. ‘I don’t want them gone, I want to feel…’ McCoy trailed off hesitantly, biting his lower lip against the errant desire rising in his chest.
The mattress dipped beneath him, sheets rustling as Pike shifted closer and rose up on his knees, taking McCoy smoothly with him. The full length of his body slid and fused itself perfectly to him, fitting neatly from thighs to shoulders, and McCoy released a shuddering sigh as the friction of Pike’s skin awakened sensation in every fading mark on his back. Instinctively, he tilted his hips to meet the hard length of his lover stirring against his ass; Pike sighed and wrapped his arms tight around McCoy’s chest, forcing their bodies impossibly closer together.
‘You like how these feel, right?’ he murmured, breathing the secret into his ear. One of his hands ran down skin towards McCoy’s hipbone, found and kneaded at a freshly-made bruise hard enough to make McCoy writhe in Pike’s arms, head rolling back with an unsteady moan. He refused to give any other answer, unable to articulate his need for Pike’s mark on his body, these reminders that sustained him in the unpredictable passages of time from one covert encounter to the next. Instead, he attempted to return the touch, and bit back another damned whimper when his wrist was prematurely captured by Pike’s other hand.
‘Not this time,’ he admonished quietly, squeezing his fingers warningly around his wrist. ‘Both hands back on the rail there in front of you, and no moving them unless I say so.’
McCoy obeyed wordlessly, hands nesting one atop the other over the bed rail, the rest of his body following into easy surrender as Pike’s hand released his wrist and skimmed flat-palmed up his arm to his chest. His knowing fingers found and stroked over an abused nipple before sliding upward to the beginnings of a suckled bruise at the base of his arched throat.
‘Maybe you wanted Kirk to see these,’ Pike murmured, wrapping his hand loosely around his neck, thumb stroking just behind his carotid artery. ‘Wanted him to see what you’re really like, make him think about this gorgeous, fuckable body of yours...’
McCoy attempted to shake his head in denial, but Pike’s hand slid further up and caught him beneath the jaw, holding his head in place where it rested back against his shoulder. ‘He wouldn’t care,’ McCoy rasped, the hard edge of his dissent quivering slightly when Pike’s other hand slipped down around his cock.
‘I don’t believe you,’ he hissed back, strong fingers closing tight around him. ‘Sharing a room with you... seeing you naked... I bet Kirk jerks off over you every chance he gets.’
Eyes squeezing shut, McCoy bit hard on his lower lip, trying to focus on the raw physical pleasure of Pike’s hand on him in the here and now but he was already remembering, with a deeper flush of arousal, the handful of times he had caught Jim masturbating in the middle of the night. The frenetic pace of Jim hand had been faster than Pike’s moving over him now, McCoy recalled, like he had been fighting to keep pace with his rapid gasping breaths. Jim was never quiet about it, was always so needy, so loud...
‘Have you seen him at it?’ Pike asked, almost sweetly. ‘Do you know what he sounds like when he comes?’
Pike’s thumb teased hard over the slick head of his cock, pulling the answer from his lips. ‘Yeah,’ he confessed, moaning shakily under the reward of Pike’s hand fisting over his length again. He thrust his hips feverishly into the tight grip of those fingers, desperate to chase down his release.
‘Do you ever give him a hand?’ Amusement tinged the low, filthy whisper of Pike’s voice at his ear. He was rocking steadily against the cleft of McCoy’s ass now, the full length of his dick riding over sweat-damp flesh. ‘Or do you just fuck your own fist and watch the show?’
‘No, I...’ He sucked in an unsteady breath, tamping down his shame, ‘don’t want him to know... I just watch... can’t see much, but fuck, the sound of him...’
‘Tell me.’ Lips and tongue set to work over McCoy’s arched throat, goading him on with an onslaught of sensation.
‘Breathing so fast... panting, like his mouth is wide open...’ Pike moaned longingly into his shoulder, jerked him faster. ‘Like a bitch in heat,’ McCoy added spitefully, blood pounding loud in his ears.
‘Dirty, greedy bitch...’ The angle of Pike’s rutting hips shifted, his cock insinuating itself up between his thighs and rubbing aimlessly over McCoy’s still-wet hole. Shuddering hard, McCoy rolled his hips to accommodate him, hoping to hell that Pike’s muttered words were addressed to him and only him.
‘Chris,’ he groaned through clenched teeth. ‘So close...’
‘You want to come?’
‘God, yes... please...’
‘Tell me more...’
He licked his lips, knowing exactly what Pike wanted to hear and too far gone to negotiate. ‘He always moans out loud when he comes,’ McCoy offered breathlessly. ‘Deep, rasping, like he forgot how to breathe... and the bed creaks and he’s so loud I try to finish myself off at... at the same time, so he won’t hear when I... I... oh, fuck, Chris...’
His whole body snapped taut as his orgasm overtook him, his hips fighting to pump every last drop of his release through Pike’s fingers and he would have thrashed away save for the arm Pike slung around his waist to hold him fast. A harsh and wordless groan vibrated against his temple, come splashing wet between his thighs with Pike’s own orgasm a few seconds later, his unraveling body clinging hard to his back. McCoy’s arms trembled as they braced their combined weight against the bed rail, and didn’t stop even after Pike released him with a sigh and sank down onto the mattress again, sprawled on his side around McCoy’s shaky legs. He could feel the cooling trickle of semen tracing down his aching thighs.
Drawing slow, steadying breaths, McCoy dropped his head down between his hunched shoulders. ‘May I move my hands now, sir?’ he bit out wearily.
‘Of course.’ And Chris gathered up one of his hands before he could release the bed rail himself, dragged it down to his level and brushed his lips over the white knuckles flushing back to normal. McCoy watched numbly, flexing the fingers of his other hand surreptitiously at his side, then shifted away to the other side of the bed.
‘Thank you,’ he muttered shortly, pushing to his feet. His uniform was scattered in a rumpled wreck over the floor, but it would do to cover his sticky and used body for now. He felt far dirtier now than he normally would with Pike’s come inside him.
‘You’re not leaving already?’
Pike had turned onto his back and lifted himself up on his elbows, looking perfectly at ease with the remains of sex slicking his body but mildly perturbed to see McCoy climbing back into his uniform. The shadow of concern in his blue eyes made McCoy hesitate, that short pause enough to threaten his resolve when he found his gaze wandering further down his lover’s body. Toned abdominal muscles flexed beneath his skin, and for a wild impulsive moment McCoy ached to drop to his knees and nuzzle his face into that hard and honed body.
Lingering desire made his answer come throaty and rough. ‘Gotta go,’ he muttered, eyes averted to his own fingers fumbling at his red jacket. ‘Clinic duty in half an hour.’
A frown furrowed Pike’s sweaty brow. ‘What time is it?’
Shit. McCoy pressed his lips thin, worked faster at the fastenings of his uniform. God damn zipper was broken.
‘You have no idea, do you?’ Pike sighed. ‘Come on, talk to me. What’s going on?’
The high collar of his uniform still gaped open, but there was no helping it now. McCoy warily let his hands drop, met Pike’s confounded gaze with helpless silence.
‘I...’ he croaked, then shook his head futilely. ‘Not now. Please.’
Though something hard and determined still lingered around Pike’s sharp eyes, the whispered little please softened him enough that he relented with a stiff nod. ‘Fine.’
McCoy nodded back, but didn’t push his luck. He knew he had been holding a PADD when they had come here but he couldn’t see where it had gone and so he gave it up for now. ‘I’ll see you later, then,’ he offered awkwardly.
‘Damn right you will.’ Pike’s parting words at his back were as good as a threat.
Even though McCoy made every effort to avoid Pike in the week that followed, the captain was as good as his word. In truth, he was so fixated on avoiding a conversation he refused to have even with himself, so tightly wound with insecurity over the inevitable, that he nearly leapt out of his skin when he ducked into a curtained exam area on his clinical rounds and found Pike leaning back against the biobed, arms crossed and jaw set.
‘Good God, man,’ he snarled, heart racing. ‘You trying to scare me to death?’
A quirked eyebrow was Pike’s sole admission of amusement. ‘You left this,’ he greeted instead, holding out a PADD that McCoy knew must contain his Navigation notes. He took it hesitantly, a fresh wash of shame stifling his indignation. His hasty departure had seemed fiercely necessary at the time, but remembering it now made him feel flighty and ridiculous.
‘We need to talk.’
‘Not now,’ McCoy hushed, ducking his head and shoving the PADD into the wide pocket of his lab coat.
‘Obviously,’ Pike agreed easily, and he risked a glance back up. Rather than anger or impatience, only care and concern warmed his intent gaze. ‘You’re working and I’m on my way to a meeting with Dr. Puri. Tomorrow morning, 0930? I checked your schedule.’
‘Of course you did.’ He looked away, ran a thoughtful thumb over his lower lip. ‘Yeah, alright,’ he agreed reluctantly, excuses run dry. ‘Where?’
‘My office is probably best.’ Pike hesitated, seeming to search his face for something. ‘If you don’t mind...?’
If nothing else, it was that flicker of consideration that finally relaxed some of McCoy’s rattled nerves. ‘Why would I?’ he threw back blithely, attempting a calm indifference. The warm smile Pike threw back at him was well worth the effort.
‘Good.’ He wasn’t foolish enough to attempt to steal a kiss, but Pike’s hand slipping inside his lab coat to clasp over his hip, the pad of his thumb brushing hot through his thin hospital scrubs, was far more intimate. A memory contained in the man’s fingertips directed his touch straight to one of those telltale bruises, McCoy’s barely stifled moan making Pike’s smile twitch. ‘Until then, Doctor.’
The curtain had whisked aside and fallen still again before McCoy found he could breathe reliably again. Not only was the gut-wrenching apprehension back in full force, but he had an erection now on top of everything else.
‘Damn it,’ he hissed to himself, checking the curtain before shoving a hand down his pants.
The quick and furtive wank eased off the stupid hormonal rush but did absolutely nothing to banish the worry that plagued him through the rest of his morning shift. He had even forgotten his standing lunch appointment with Jim until he had found his friend waiting for him in the hospital lobby, lounging at the edge of the central water feature with tousled blond hair and splayed legs and damn it this really wasn’t fair.
Regardless, he hitched on a smirk and clutched his medical case tighter and kept up what he presumed was an acceptable measure of banter on their walk from Starfleet Medical to the campus commons. There was potato salad at lunch, and while it couldn’t hold a candle to his memories of home the token comfort soothed his anxiety enough that he managed to grunt amiably through Jim’s bubbling prattle.
‘Why’re you so happy?’ he ventured wryly as they left the commons at the end of their meal.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Jim threw back brightly.
‘No, I don’t suppose you do.’ McCoy rolled his eyes as Jim circled away to throw some asinine pick-up line at a couple of passing women, the second-nature flirtation grating on his nerves more so today than usual. His sour mood was rising to the surface again, and McCoy fell so deep beneath the fresh wave of self-pity that he nearly missed Jim’s answer to his original question.
‘I’m taking the test again.’
McCoy did a double-take. He didn’t even need to ask which test Jim was talking about. ‘You’ve gotta be kidding me!’
‘Yeah, tomorrow morning, I want you there.’
Tomorrow morning. Chris. Fuck. He wasn’t sure whether to be indignant or grateful. ‘Y’know, I’ve got better things to do than watch you embarrass yourself for a third time,’ he complained bitterly instead. ‘I’m a doctor, Jim, I’m busy.’
But McCoy was positive that Jim wasn’t listening to a damn word he had to say - hell, he probably could have sprung the truth on the kid, explained that he needed to meet up with Captain Pike instead for coffee and hot make-up sex, and still Jim would have steamrolled clean over him. Next thing he knew, Jim was striding briskly away to go ‘study’ and McCoy realized, with a sinking sense of dread, that he had never had the chance to say no.
‘Study my ass,’ he grumbled bitterly.
He laid awake the worst part of the night, flat on his back in his narrow Starfleet-issue bunk, the room unnervingly silent without Jim occupying the bed across from him - seemed he was ‘studying’ late again. No clear answers came in his moody contemplation of the darkened ceiling, which meant that the morning found him blearily examining his closet, breakfast skipped in favour of the solitary cup of replicated coffee he clutched close to his bare chest. The crisp red of his cadet’s uniform flashed bright at his weary eyes, almost blinding compared to the dull grey of the simulator suit he had hoped to never wear again, freshly laundered and folded on a lower shelf.
Chris always seemed to enjoy seeing him in his cadet’s reds, like it was some sort of private joke between them to see him so sharp and tidy.
He sighed, and finished his coffee.
‘Come in,’ Pike’s voice summoned a half hour later. The door slid aside for McCoy with a promptness he really could have done without.
‘Captain.’
Pike’s clever blue eyes flicked up with a pleased look that turned to open curiosity as his gaze roved over McCoy’s body. ‘This is... different,’ he decided, rising to his feet.
‘I... can’t stay,’ McCoy explained shortly, casting his own derisive eye downward at the stupid grey costume. ‘Jim’s retaking the Kobayashi Maru.’
‘So I heard.’ Pike slowed his steps rounding his desk, though the withdrawn pace only added something predatory to his stride. ‘I didn’t realize that you had agreed to run the test with him, though...’
‘I didn’t,’ he snapped back defensively. ‘That’s the damn thing about Jim Kirk, he doesn’t take no for an answer.’
Pike came to sudden stop, not quite close enough to touch, the play of emotions on his face gone militarily blank. ‘If you say so,’ he agreed drily. ‘Well. I won’t keep you, then. As you were, Cadet.’
Dumbstruck, McCoy remained where he was, staring incredulously into Pike’s shuttered eyes while his mind rapidly turned over every scrap of explanation. This cold capitulation only came over Pike when the threat of something heated and dangerous was something he preferred to lock away, and only one possibility came to mind... ‘Damn it, Chris,’ he groaned, rolling his eyes. ‘You better start telling me what this is about.’
‘I thought it was you who needed to start talking,’ Pike countered coolly. ‘I thought that was why you had agreed to meet with me this morning, but if Kirk is more important than-’
‘Stop that.’ The threatening growl in his voice shocked Pike silent, and even surprised McCoy himself. Taken aback, he crossed his arms, uncrossed them, impatiently shoved his hair back from his forehead and released a dry, humourless laugh. ‘Unbelievable,’ he muttered. ‘I don’t believe this... you could have him like that, and you’re jealous?’
An affronted crackle of electricity broke through the careful neutrality in Pike’s eyes. ‘I don’t think I’m the only one feeling a bit jealous here.’
‘Don’t change the subject,’ he snapped back evasively.
‘How could I?’ And there was nothing calm left in Pike now, control burned away by anger. ‘How exactly do I change the subject when it’s always about Kirk? You make it about Kirk every damn time you let him drag you off on some fool’s errand or another, every damn time you worry about what he thinks or what he knows, or-’
‘Don’t you get it?’ McCoy rolled his eyes. ‘He’s my friend, damn it, my best friend for whatever that’s worth. I’ve known the cocky bastard for three years now-’
‘And we’ve been fucking for three years and a week longer than that, so what the hell is that worth to you, McCoy?’
Momentarily stunned, McCoy had to look away, suck in a bracing breath through his clenched teeth. Chris was right, three years it had been between them, three years. His marriage had turned sour in far less time than that.
Really, he thought, staring bleakly at the chrono over Pike’s desk, he had been on borrowed time for too long already. He was always going to fuck it up sooner or later.
‘Look,’ McCoy sighed, ‘I’ve really got to go.’ Ducking his head in an awkward sort of nod, he flexed his fingers uselessly at his sides, and turned on his heel. He managed exactly one step away when a taut pull at the shoulder of his simulation suit stopped him short. Twisting his head to the side, McCoy just barely glimpsed Pike’s finger crooked through the metal D-ring on his uniform, holding him back.
‘You don’t get to walk away from this.’ Pike leaned in to speak dangerously low into his ear. His other hand palmed possessively upward from his left hip to waist to ribcage, finding and catching another D-ring under his arm.
‘I know,’ he conceded softly, eyes on the floor. Don’t let me walk away from this, he elaborated silently, the words stuck on his tongue.
‘If it were up to me,’ Pike continued softly, ‘I’d order you to stay exactly where you are. I’d use these,’ he pulled again at the metal rings in his sim suit, ‘to tie you down to my desk over there and do things to you that would render this unwearable in polite company. I would make you beg.’
A desperate shiver raced up McCoy’s spine. He bit his lower lip hard, the word please already curling his tongue.
‘And I would give you everything you begged for. And more.’ Lips pressed hot and dry against the back of his neck, just above his collar. ‘But I won’t force this on you. I can wait, until you’re ready.’
Pike released his hold, leaving McCoy unfettered, lost.
‘Go,’ he ordered softly. ‘Do the test, do whatever else you need to do but come graduation next week, I will have you.’
Cautiously, McCoy turned around, arched a challenging eyebrow if only because he still had that on his side. ‘You’re so sure of that?’
‘The Enterprise will have nothing but the finest, so yes, I’m sure.’ Something like Pike’s usual good humour flickered briefly at the corner of his mouth, though something like sadness lingered in his eyes. ‘Your body in her medical bay is my right, Doctor. Whether I will have the same privilege for my bed is up to you.’
McCoy had had enough of blushing, so he straightened solemnly instead. ‘Aye, Captain,’ he drawled smoothly.
The lust faltering over Pike’s face as he left felt like a small victory, for now.