Chapter Text
Chapter Four
The next day, work made the day speed by for the Crushers and Picard. At the end of the day, they waved goodbye to their new friends before heading back to their hotel via a specially sent runner shuttle. Discussing the dig, they spent the evening in their room.
Wesley could see a marked difference in his mother that evening. She was still not back to normal, but there was an obvious change in her. He noticed the way Picard sat angled toward her on the couch, holding her hand, while she would touch his arm or back to emphasis a point and her laugh came easier when Picard was talking. Before, he called their touching protective, but now, he called it intimate. He wondered why it would change now, if they had been intimate since Kes-Prytt. Wesley did not question them when his mother and Picard turned in before him, both going into Beverly’s bedroom and shutting the door.
It gave him time to think about the couple and everything that had come before. Picard had almost set his mind at ease after the second nightmare, but something was different now that made him wonder if what the older man had said was true.
In the bedroom some time later, Beverly lay curled behind Jean Luc reveling in the peace she had found in his arms and the depth of gentleness that ran in him. There were no thoughts of Wesley or his suspicions.
She had woken that morning dreading facing Jean Luc, wondering if he would regret the night of passion. She had found him leaning over her, smiling, just looking at her like she was some rare find that was completely his. She had told him that too, only to have him kiss her slowly before whispering, “You are not rare. There can only be one of you, because there is no more room in my heart for another of you." There was no tension, no regrets only their friendship and love sharing their tent while they dressed and prepared for the day.
###
Jean Luc and Beverly slowly eased out of bed late the next morning, to find Wesley gone. He had told them the night before he wanted to visit some other cadets on the planet and the group agreed to separate for the day.
Jean Luc was amazed at himself. He prided himself on self control, but he had none when it came to being with Beverly. He could not fill his hunger for her taste, and she did not help when she teased him.
Eating a late breakfast, Jean Luc watched her. She was steady, centered again, showing no signs of the nightmare affecting her. It had not come for the second night in a row, but they still needed to talk, he thought, now while they were completely alone. He dreaded bringing that look of pain to her eyes.
"Beverly, we have to talk." His tone of voice told her what he wanted to talk about.
"I know," she said, leaning back in her chair, staring down into her coffee knowing she could not go on. She had not told Jean Luc the dream was getting darker and more frightening with each replay, the last dream nearly pushing her over the edge. She had to have help, but she wanted Jean Luc to understand first. So much was different that her fears seemed smaller now, but still very real. She was ready to heal and the only hurtle left was facing up to the lie she had told.
“What happened the other day,” he asked.
“Wesley.”
“What did he say?”
“He asked about you.”
“Why would that frighten you? He had already asked me about our relationship and I told him we were working on becoming more than friends.”
“I lied to him; I told him we were lovers.”
Jean-Luc paused, had she told him that a few days ago, he could see where he would have been upset. It actually saved him from the embarrassment of telling Wesley about the change, but it was not like Beverly to lie. “Why?”
“He asked me if we were sleeping together. When I told him no, he called me a liar, said we were either lovers or hiding it, or something happened on Kes-Prytt we were not telling him about. He hit too close to home and I panicked.”
“Beverly, talk to me. Not just about what brought the dream on, but everything.”
Beverly suddenly missed the warmth of the bed. For all of her resolve, she was still frightened that he would hate her for her weakness.
###
At the same time, Wesley sat in his dorm room at the training center. The room was still registered to him, since he was still on the planet and he figured this would be the best place to try to contact the Enterprise without being interrupted. More than an hour had passed since he had sent his request to speak to Deanna Troi, while he tried to organize his thoughts. He wished again she was here and dealing with this rather than him.
The computer beeped at him calling his attention to the view screen. He verbally gave the computer his access code and found himself looking at both Troi and Riker.
“Wes, how are things going,” the counselor smiled.
“Depends on if you’re asking about the vacation or the mystery you asked me to solve.”
“Both,” Riker said, cutting straight to the chase.
“Well, the vacation was going fine until I pushed too hard trying to get Mom to talk to me. As for what is going on, I know two things. One, they are involved with one another and their bond has grown stronger here on Vulcan, but something is still wrong there. Two, part of Mom’s problem is how the mission ended on Kes-Prytt,” Wesley said before launching into a description of the conversations between him and the couple.
###
In their suite, Beverly looked up at Jean-Luc. She owed him so much, he deserved the truth. A single tear ran down her cheek as she took a deep breath.
“That night on Kes-Prytt, I couldn’t sleep. I got to hear some very interesting dreams. They were so perfect . . . . You dreamed of me.”
“Yes, Beverly, I dreamed of you. A night doesn’t go by without me dreaming of you.”
“I lay there, wishing I could make those dreams real. That I could live there . . . where I knew, I would always have you. It was the answer to all the fears I’ve had for so long. The incident at the border made it worse, but didn’t cause it. My mind froze at the consequences of being separated from you, but I had to save you. Part of my mind stopped functioning when I thought I was losing you and I could hear your scream in my head, begging me to cross through the force field. That is what set everything in motion.”
“Do you think you can talk about it now,” he asked, sensing something was different in Beverly.
“I guess . . . since things are different now. When we got back to the ship, I was functioning on habit. I was blocking everything around me, concentrating on those dreams. The idea of facing reality was too much. I wanted to live in the dream - I still do,” she said crying harder.
Picard rounded the table, pulling her up and over to the couch. Drawing her into his arms, he rocked her. His touch opened a door for her and everything came pouring out.
“I am so afraid of being alone, of losing you and Wesley and the others. The implants took that fear away, giving me a part of you that I knew no one else would ever have. I knew it wasn’t right, but I still wanted it and would have done anything to keep it. That’s why I went to pieces,” she whispered, feeling anxiety rise within her. “I can’t get the dreams out of my head, Jean-Luc! When I’m awake, it’s like an addiction, distracting me from everything. On the ship, I would make an excuse to go to the lab or my office, by myself, and just sit there day dreaming. It took everything I had to resist doing that every minute of the day.”
She turned in his arms to look into his eyes, “I know what the truth is, that I have to depend on you to be there, to trust you to do your best. I even know the medical terms for what the problem is, but, I have to fight so hard to not replay the dreams, in hopes that it will happen. It was taking everything I had to stay functioning. Then, in rational moments, I would feel so guilty for not being as strong as I should. I was being torn in two,” she said.
“The incident at the border created the nightmare; you didn’t lie to Wesley about that. Remembering your dreams helped me push that fear of losing you away. When Deanna started pushing for answers, she just reminded me of the fears and my mind replayed the nightmare as a taunt that I wasn’t dealing with the problem. A cycle was created - I would focus on your dreams to push the nightmare away, Deanna would try to help, and I would be facing the nightmare again. It’s been getting easier here, spending time with you away from the ship. Then Wesley started questioning things, it was like Troi asking questions. The nightmare came back to remind me of everything I can’t control.”
Picard laid a finger on her cheek stopping her speech, “Beverly, I know us having a life together will be hard, but we will make it. I’m not going to leave, unless I am taken away. Death is the only thing great enough to do that and we can’t control that. We will make those dreams come true, but you have to trust me and depend on me to do my part. Your part is to fight that need and stay with me.”
Pushing a bit of her hair behind her ear, he said, “I remember what I dreamed that night. I dreamed of taking my wife home to France. I dreamed of taking you home to LaBarre. As far as I am concerned, that dream will come true because I plan on making you my wife.”
“I’m sorry, I’m being so stupid,” Beverly said.
“No, you’re not! You are being human! You’ve told me the same things many times. We will work through this. It doesn’t make you any less the person I love. Nor will it change how Wesley or Deanna or Will sees you. You’re a hero to all of us because of how strong you are. You have been there for all of us. Let us be there for you and be strong for you for once.”
Beverly could see the truth in his eyes, “It is just so hard for me to depend on anyone outside of work. During missions, I can depend on the team doing what is right and necessary. We are Star Fleet officers, there to do a job. It’s in my personal life it’s hard - when there is no other reason but friendship to be together. When I have depended on people in the past, I was disappointed. Just give me time?” Picard nodded and kissed her forehead, drawing her tighter to him.
She slowly smiled through the tears as she felt a little of the guilt and pain lift from her. Of all the things said to her during the past weeks, none of them had really stuck. Now, she guessed, she was ready to hear the truth and to deal with it. She did have her family and friends; they were not going to abandon her because she was weak.
###
Twenty minutes later, Wesley and Troi were discussing possible routes to take now in helping Beverly.
“Wes, we have to make her face that nightmare, to see that Kes-Prytt is over. There will be other missions where she as to deal with similar situations, and the captain has to be a part of that. He’s hiding from this as much as your mother. As bad as I hate to say this, them becoming lovers now is more dangerous for Beverly. She could use this relationship to push all of this into some dark corner of her mind, never dealing with it until it’s too late. If we could separate them long enough for your mother to face her fear, then I could help her put it behind her.”
Wesley sat with his back to his unlocked door, listening intently to Troi as a sound came from behind him. He swung around to find his mother standing in the room, staring at the screen. Troi could see past Wesley once he turned, “Oh my.”
Picard stood behind Beverly. He didn’t need a telepathic link to know what Beverly was feeling, she was hurt and so was he. Before he could say anything, Beverly twisted past him, running from the room. Tempted to chase her down, Picard knew he had to deal with Troi and Wesley first and he was not in the mood to be rational or calm. His mind was screaming, they wanted to separate him from Beverly.
Wesley was the first one in line for his wrath, “I know you care so does she, but, we both asked you to leave this alone for a reason and you betrayed us! Do you think this is going to make your mother’s problems easier? I thought I could trust you of all people Wesley,” he said.
Troi broke in to defend the cadet, “Captain, Wesley was acting on my request. Beverly needs a lot of help . . . .”
Picard turned back to the small desk screen, his voice slowly rising, “And you found the situation bad enough to enlist unqualified help in solving something that amounts to curiosity? You have no proof there is anything wrong with Doctor Crusher other than some vague guesses and your need to know every little detail of her life. So curious are you, that you are willing to stab your best friend in the back and destroy her happiness. You are supposed to be one of the greatest psychologists in the galaxy; you just proved you are the one with a problem. Until this affects the running of the ship, stay out of Beverly’s way.” He stabbed a button ending the transmission and the look of anguish on Deanna’s face. Looking back at Wesley, he said, “Take the hint Wesley!”
He turned and left in search of his lover.
###
He found Beverly standing at a small lake at the edge of the city that they had seen during their trips to and from the excavation site. Beverly had told him then it looked so peaceful, and that she wanted to see it up close. It made sense she would search out that peace now, more than an hour since she had ran from the dorm room.
Jean-Luc walked slowly up behind her. She stood in the heat of mid-day at a railing looking over the lake. Her arms were wrapped around her waist protectively and her head was bowed, the view meaning nothing to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, causing her to jump. “Sorry.”
He braced his legs and pulled her back into a tighter embrace, taking much of her weight. They simply stood there for what could have been five minutes or fifty minutes, deep in thought. Beverly was the first to break the silence, “What did you do?”
“Put the fear of god in them and I hurt them the way they hurt us.”
“In other words, you blew your top.”
“Yeah,” he said with a sarcastic laugh. “They will not be bothering you for a while.”
“Jean-Luc, can I ask a favor?”
“I will give you anything I can, you only have to ask.”
“Take me to LaBarre. Now.”
Jean-Luc didn’t speak right away. He had not expected that request, but it was perfect. They both needed the comfort of home and home was on Earth right now. “Let’s go.”