Chapter Text
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Wednesday, June 28, 2017
11:43 AM-the only avengers that matter
best avenger: Hey kiddo, change of plans. You’re coming to the tower today instead of tomorrow, aunt hottie already approved. There’s someone I want you to meet, Happy’s gonna pick you up at about 4.
You: okay sounds good
---
“You have one new message from Tony Stark.”
“Thanks, Karen.”
4:04 PM-the only avengers that matter
best avenger: hey
You: hi, mr. stark
best avenger: 1st of all im not tony and 2nd of all u call him mr stark?1?
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Is Tony okay? Why does someone have his phone? Fuck fuck fuck. Breathe, Peter, he’s fine, he’s fine, it’s gonna be okay, nothing happened, just breathe. Ask Karen where he is, if he’s at Stark Tower then he’s fine. (Also, who the hell is this asshole questioning why I call him Mr. Stark?)
“Karen, where’s Mr. Stark?”
“Tony Stark is presently at Stark Tower, on the 97th floor.”
Okay, see, he’s fine. Someone just has his phone. Why does someone have his phone? Oh God, what if someone broke in and stole his phone and is holding him at gunpoint right now. Ask Karen-
“No one has broken into Stark Tower, Peter.” How the hell did she know I was going to ask that? “ It appears you are having an anxiety attack. Would you like me to call Tony Stark?”
Shit, no please don’t, Mr. Stark can’t know this happens to me, I’m not weak, I’m fine, Karen.
“I’m fine, Karen, it’s fine.”
“Okay, Peter. I would like to remind you to breathe.”
Why the fuck is my A.I. so sassy?
“I’m breathing, okay? I’m breathing.”
“Hey, kid, you okay back there?”
WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT? (Probably because I’m not fine.)
“Yeah, Happy, I’m fine. It’s fine.”
Yes, exactly, it’s fine. Just text the random stranger back.
4:19 PM-the only avengers that matter
You: then who the hell are you and why the hell do you have his phone?
best avenger: wow protective much? im harley
Who the hell is Harley and why is he acting like I should know him?
You: that name means nothing to me.
Wow, Peter, could you sound ANY nerdier?
best avenger: ha okay. im basically tonys kid
What the fuck? I thought I was Tony’s kid. No, I’ve never been his kid. Mr. Stark doesn’t care about me. I’m just an intern. Just a superhero for him to have on standby-fuck. Does this kid know I’m Spider-Man? (Mr. Stark probably tells him everything, fuck that.)
You: okay…is THAT supposed to mean something to me?
Wow, Peter, great fucking response. Very obviously jealous.
best avenger: ha i like u
best avenger: ur mean and funny
best avenger: fuckin moodsvguerwuibiovb.
What the fuck just happened? Did he die as he was typing? Did he have a seizure? (I hope he had a seizure.) No, never mind, that’s too mean. Did he get punched? (I hope he got punched.)
You: what the fuck just happened?
best avenger: Peter, language!
Okay, that’s how Mr. Stark texts. Is he back?
You: is that mr. stark?
best avenger: Hey, kid, sorry about Harley, he doesn’t realize that boundaries exist. I confiscated the phone when I saw the cursing.
Ha, like he doesn’t curse all the time.
You: uh huh
best avenger: Hap says you’ll be here soon, you can talk to Harley face to face then. I’m not letting him anywhere near my phone anymore.
What if I don’t wanna talk to him face to face? He’s rude and made me think you were kidnapped and-fuck. I’m jealous. Of another kid in Mr. Stark’s life. What the fuck.
You: okay, mr. stark.
“Hey, Happy?”
“Hmm?”
“Who’s Harley?”
“Oh, Harley! The kid’s basically a mini-Tony; Tony met him years ago during the Mandarin Incident and has pretty much been acting as his dad for ages now. I like the kid, but when he and Tony are together, there’s way too much Stark around.”
See, of course you’re nothing special. You’re just an intern and a helping hand. Mr. Stark’s already got a kid. And apparently, they’re exactly alike. Even if Mr. Stark does care about you, he obviously doesn’t care enough to tell you about this kid. He’s told you about the Mandarin but he didn’t mention Harley, which means you don’t matter enough to know about his kid. Plus, Mr. Stark has known this kid for like ten years: the Mandarin happened ages ago. You’ve known Tony for one year; of course this kid is like a son to Mr. Stark. You’ve known you’re just an intern, you can’t deal with that fact now that it’s been confirmed? Suck it up.
“You have one new message from an unknown number. And Peter. Breathe.”
I’m fucking breathing. But who has my number?
“What?”
4:25 PM-Unnamed Chat
Unknown Number: hey its harley
How the hell did he get my number? Why does he want my number? What if he’s cute-nope, not thinking that, shut up, brain, he’s off limits. I don’t like him.
Unknown Number: i texted ur contact to myself from tony’s phone in case ur wonderin
Oh.
“Karen, set contact: Harley.”
“Sure thing, Peter.”
harley<3: so whats up w u
“Karen, delete that heart emoji or I will delete you from my phone.”
“Sure thing, Peter.”
I hate Mr. Stark and his A.Is who are smarter than they should be. I can HEAR her fucking smirking and she HAS NO FUCKING FACE.
You: hi?
harley: dude y r u so awkwrd
Because I don’t like talking to strangers who make me think my dad-NO NOT MY DAD WHERE DID THAT COME FROM, SHUT UP BRAIN, I AM JUST AN INTERN-got kidnapped and also ‘cause like, anxiety? Is a thing?
You: i don’t like strangers.
harley: kay
Oh. He’s nice.
harley: why
You: i just don’t
harley: kay
harley: so tony says u like star wars
You: yeah
harley: i wanna build lightsabers and tony says ur like
harley: really fuckin smart
Oh. Oh my God. He did? Holy fucking shit. Tony Stark called me smart. (Also, lightsabers?? Maybe Harley isn’t so bad.)
You: he did???
Fuck, Peter, why did you add so many question marks? You sound so fucking desperate.
harley: uh yeah
harley: ur like all hes been talking about he thinks ur a genius or smth
Oh my fucking God.
You: really??>
“You have one new message from Tony Stark.”
4:30 PM-the only avengers that matter
best avenger: Um, kid, why is Harley saying that you think I don’t think you’re smart?
“Holy fuck!”
“Kid, you can’t just say things like that while I’m driving!”
“Sorry, Happy.”
Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holyfuckholyfuckholyfuckholyfuck.
You: uh
You: cause i didn’t think you did
best avenger: Kid, you’re a genius and possibly one of the smartest people I know.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
“You have one new message from Tony Stark.”
4:41 PM-the only avengers that matter
best avenger: Kiddo?
You: yeah, mr. stark?
best avenger: You kinda went radio silent there.
You: uh huh
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
best avenger: You good?
You: uh huh
best avenger: Okay…
“Hey, kid, we’re here.”
Tony Stark thinks I’m one of the smartest people he’s met. He’s met Bruce fucking Banner. He’s met Helen fucking Cho.
“O-okay.”
“FRIDAY, lock the car and open elevator, please.”
“Hello, Peter, Mr. Hogan.”
“Hey, FRI.”
Oh my God.
“97th floor for the kid, FRIDAY, and 38 for me...Hey kid, you okay?”
“Mr. Stark thinks I’m smart.”
“Ha, that’s what spooked you in the car? Kid, Tony thinks you’re a goddamn genius.”
“Happy?
“Yes?”
“Please stop talking. You’re gonna give me a heart attack.”
“Heh. Sure thing, kid.”
“We’ve reached floor 38, Mr. Hogan.”
“Thanks, FRI.”
40, 47, 52, 58, 63, 67, 75, 81, 89, 91, 97.
“We’ve reached floor 97, Peter.”
“Thanks, FRIDAY.”
Okay. There’s Tony. Those are the schematics for the Mach 63 for the Iron Man armor. And that blond kid-Oh my God. That’s Harley. Oh my God. He’s blond. (Like Thor.) Shut UP, brain. Okay, Tony’s looking up.
“Peter! This is Harley. Harley, Peter.”
Holy shit.
“Holy shit.”
Oh, fuck, did I say that out loud?
“So you’re Tony’s other kid.”
His smile makes me want to jump out a window, holy fuck. How is he the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen? His eyes are so fucking blue. He’s still smiling at me, holy fucking shit. I cannot fucking breathe. How does someone like him fucking exist? How is this even possible? I really hope I’m not blushing. I can feel myself blushing. FUCK. (Did he say Tony’s ‘other kid?’ Am I Mr. Stark’s kid?) Jesus fuck, nothing matters right now except his smile. I feel so yellow. I need to tell Karen to put that heart back on his contact name. His hair looks so soft. I wanna run my hands through it. And then jump out a window because his smile is blinding and he’s still smiling at me and-oh. He stopped. He’s saying something. Why can’t I hear him?
“Peter? Hey, Peter, are you okay?”
Fuck, his eyes are so fucking blue.
“What?" Jesus Christ, I’m blushing so hard. (Hide hands in sleeves, sweater-paws are good right now.) I can’t breathe. He’s so beautiful. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. It’s fine. I just-um. I just zoned out.”
“While staring into my kid’s eyes for a full minute.”
Mr. Stark didn’t say that loud enough for Harley to hear. He knew I could hear it. Fucking super hearing. I hate him so much right now. I hope he can feel the fact that I want him dead. I’m glaring so hard right now, my face is so red, Jesus fuck-Mr. Stark fucking winked. Oh my God. He knows.
“Okay, ya sure?”
Oh my fucking God, I can’t. I fucking cannot. He’s touching me. He touched. My elbow. He wants me to sit down. Oh my God. He’s a fucking gentleman. He’s touching me. Holy fuck. I’m so gay.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“He’s also not a baby, Harls. He’s fine.”
“I’m sorry that I want to make sure that this extremely cute boy is okay.”
Did he-oh my God. He just called me cute. Holy fuck, he called me cute. (He called me a boy!)
“Uh-um. That’s not-no. I just-”
Peter, use your fucking words.
“Mr. Stark, can I talk to you?”
What the fuck, Peter. Why did you fucking say that? Now Harley’s gonna think-
“Yeah, sure, kid. Harley, go upstairs or something, give me some time with my favorite.”
Oh my God, I’m Mr. Stark’s favorite.
“Hey! I thought I was your favorite!”
Why is Harley looking at me like that? What was that? Is he jealous? Why did he look sad?
“Yeah, sure you are.”
“Fine, yeah. I’ll go. Nice to meet you…Peter.”
Oh my God. He touched my shoulder. Was he flirting with me? No. No way. Why would HE flirt with ME? He’s so beautiful. He touched my shoulder. I feel like I’m gonna spontaneously combust. I want to throw myself off a bridge.
“Okay, kiddo, what’s up? Besides the fact that you want Harley to fuck you.”
SKSJJDJDJDJSJSJJDJSJDJ OH MY GOD. DID HE JUST SAY-
“Mr. Stark, oh my God, no, why would you-no that’s not-I mean-”
HOLY FUCK.
“Relax, kid, it’s okay. Harley can’t tell.”
Yes, that is good. But that’s not-
“That’s not why I freaked out, Mr. Stark. I mean, you’re basically a fa-” ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT “-I mean, you’re like a mentor to me, and you talking about how I want Harley to… that… is awkward.”
Like. Really fucking awkward. Holy fuck.
“Peter…you think I’m a father figure?”
Oh no. Fuck. No. Jesus Christ. Crap crap crap crap.
“Haha, no, I think of you as a bother figure, ‘cause you’re always bothering me.”
“Peter…”
Humor isn’t gonna fly right now. Okay. Cool. Great. Cool cool cool cool cool.
“I-uh-I don’t-”
“Pete, stop looking towards the door. You don’t have to leave. Please, don’t leave, kiddo. We don’t have to talk about this anymore, okay?
“No!” Fuck. “No, uh-I want to talk about it….So, I mean…yeah? I do? You’ve done so much for me, and you’re actually there for me, and-oof-”
Mr. Stark is hugging me. Okay. Okay? Yeah. This is happening. Okay. Is he crying? No, absolutely not. Tony Stark does not cry. Holy fuck, Tony Stark is crying.
“Hey, kid?”
“Yeah, Mr. Stark?”
“Okay, number one, you need to call me Tony after…all that. Uh, number two, I, uh. I love you and um-I’m proud to call you my kid.”
Holy shit.
“Oh. Um. Oh. I, uh, I love you too, Mr-Tony.”
“Ha. Yeah, you’ll get there. Okay. Okay. That’s enough emotions for one day. What did you need to talk to me about?”
“Um. Does Harley know that I’m Spider-Man?”
“No, he doesn’t.”
Really? Okay.
“Oh. Okay.”
“Why did you think he did?”
“I just thought-’cause the two of you seem so close-just that, maybe, you might’ve-”
“Pete, I would never tell anyone your identity. It’s for you to share with who you trust.”
“Oh. Okay. Thanks, Mr-Tony.”
“Speaking of, Aunt Hottie says someone else knows?”
Gross, ‘Aunt Hottie.’
“Oh, yeah, um, my friend MJ found out. She’s smart, so it was pretty easy for her to figure it out. I think she’s known for ages, honestly.”
“Uh-huh.”
Stop smirking at me. I know I have issues with keeping my secret identity secret. It’s a thing. I’m working on it.
“Um, so, how long is Harley gonna be here?”
Yeah, Peter, that was so fucking casual. Look at his face. He fucking knows.
“I dunno, a couple months?” MONTHS? “He might decide to stay longer, his mom knows he has more opportunities here. He might be here when school starts again, in which case, I’ll probably send him to Midtown.”
Oh my God, that’s my school. Harley would be going to my school.
“Yeah. Okay. Cool, cool, cool.”
“Pete?”
“Huh, what?”
Do not ask me about Harley, please don’t ask me about Harley.
“You got your suit?” Yup. “Good, I wanna work on an update for the web-shooters.”
Thank fucking God.