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Summary:

the avengers have a grand ol time on twitter.com and pepper is left w the aftermath.

oh, and steve isnt allowed to have twitter (in the beginning)

Chapter 1: henlo

Chapter Text

maxine @sweetbirthdaybaby

did i ever tell yall ab the time i passed out drunk in an alleyway and the actual spiderman found me and brought me home? bc that was so funny

 

amy @calcgenius

WHAT RHE FUCK MAX. r u ok tho???????

 

maxine @sweetbirthdaybaby

yeah im fine lmao- i only regret telling him his arms were nice repeatedly. he started laughing mid way through tho so it was ok ig

 

spidey @spiderman

oh yeah i remember u!!! thank u for the compliment it was very funny. stay safe!!!

 

maxine @sweetbirthdaybaby

this is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me

 

amy @calcgenius

ok but how nice were his arms tho 👀

 

maxine @sweetbirthdaybaby

he could b like 12 amy don't be gross

 

amy @calcgenius

damn ur kinda right :/ ill just thirst over tony starks arms until further notice

 

-

 

deigo @aquaknife

max has a good point tho… how old is spiderman @STARK @spiderman

 

spidey @spiderman

listen,,, i cant tell u bc itll risk my identity but im over the age of 16 and under the age of 20

 

Tony Stark @STARK

What he’s saying here is that he’s baby.

 

spidey @spiderman

i deeply regret showing you memes

 

Tony Stark @STARK

I already knew what memes were. You just ASSUMED that I didn't. I just like spending time with you so I didnt say anything.

 

spidey @spiderman

how are u going to roast me and make me cry in one tweet

 

Tony Stark @STARK

Easily.

 

diego @aquaknife

alright so im printing this thread and attaching it to all of my resumes now.

 

-

 

Amanda @iampunk

spiderman is making me question everything. So ur telling me. a boy 17-19. is an AVENGER. how and what the fuck.

 

Todd @MexicanFuneral

ikr? is he genuinely a spider or what because like… can i be an avenger too???????

 

Natasha @BLACKWIDOW

You probably can’t

 

Todd @MexicanFuneral

yes ma’am.

 

Amanda @iampunk

did. did my gay awakening just reply to my shithead brother or am i dreaming

 

Natasha @BLACKWIDOW

It's a pleasure to be here

 

Amanda @iampunk

miss widow i am on one knee

 

Natasha @BLACKWIDOW

Put the other one down and beg then

 

Amanda @iampunk

mark me down as scared AND horny

 

Natasha @BLACKWIDOW

But isn’t that the best way to be?

 

Tony Stark @STARK

Don’t you have a girlfriend? Stop leading them on you absolute savage.

 

Todd @MexicanFuneral

what the fuck is happening here on this day

 

Natasha @BLACKWIDOW

Way to out me.

 

Tony Stark @STARK

Oh fuck

 

Amanda @iampunk

A$&!&AJFUAHRH @^!^$^!???????.?...

 

-

 

Buzzfeed News @BuzzfeedNews

Is The Black Widow Our New Queer Icon?

 

Devon @DEVONDUNE

Okay that’s hot an all but honestly kind of worrying. I keep hearing ab it on the news. If a kid hears this they'll think it's okay for superheros to be gay.

 

nico @scottstotts

oh eat shit Devon. every superhero is lgbt.

 

dani @ultralightsapphic

yeah eat shit devin. lesbians arent a fetish. we’re real people.

 

-

 

jake @bibibi9

w all of this ‘black widow is lgbt’ talk it has me thinking……… who else is a gay superhero

 

Rosa @axeweilding

i just assume all of them are until they come out and say otherwise because fuck the whole straight & cis it default.

 

jake @bibibi9

you’re absolutely right. my life just got so much better under the idea that thor is mlm

 

gina @linetti

nah. thor is wlw.

 

jocelyn @lovegrls

you absolute fool. thor is nb.

 

gina @linetti

you are the only bitch in this house that ive ever respected.

 

Rosa @axeweilding

so……… pepper potts just liked my tweet

 

jake @bibibi9

OGH MY GODS???@?$@’

 

-

 

spidey @spiderman

WHAT KINDA SCOOBY DOO BULLSHIT WAS THAT

 

Bruce Banner @BruceBanner

Is this referring to what just happened in the kitchen or am I missing something?

 

spidey @spiderman

YES IM REFERRING TO EHAT HAPPENED IN THE KITCHEN GOD UM

 

melonfucker @nthnyng

what happened in the kitchen

 

spidey @spiderman

ok so me and mr. banner were trying to make this asguardian pie for thor and some of the other asguardians as a welcoming gift right

 

Kelly @readurmind

Okay, Pure.

 

spidey @spiderman

and i guess we were making it wrong bc midway through the HULK COMES OUT AND STARTS FIXING IT

 

Bruce Banner @BruceBanner

Is that what happened? I thought I might've gotten shot or something.

 

spidey @spiderman

YOU THOUGHT WHAT NOW

 

spidey @spiderman

alright, moving on from that worrying statement, so me and the actual real life hulk finished making the pie and now its in the oven

 

Janet @notacactus

i thought the hulk only knew how to fight???huh

 

Bruce Banner @BruceBanner

The Hulk is… Complicated.

 

spidey @spiderman

i kinda love him tho

 

spidey @spiderman

okie dokey so now were waiting for this pie to finish cooking n me and mr banner will go and give it to the asguardians .

 

luka @ironheart

this is so??? cute???? idk much ab asguard or anything but like… theyre being so sweet

 

Deby @deb

so like are these dudes refugees or are they just visiting for shits and giggles

 

sasha @Clarke

I heard their planet was destroyed by Thors sister so…

 

Deby @deb

It really be like that sometimes

 

[ twenty minutes later ]

 

spidey @spiderman

yall it's Done

 

dirk @agentgently

please live tweet this

 

spidey @spiderman

oh you know i am

 

dirk @agentgently

thank you for my life spider-man

 

spidey @spiderman

alright im bringing it out to them

 

spidey @spiderman

GUYS I JUST MET THOR AND HES SO BEAUTIFUL

 

Bruce Banner @BruceBanner

Tell me about it!

 

angel emoji @medusahead

this is so gay i love it

 

spidey @spiderman

thor, God of thunder, asked me if i wanted to give it to everyone personally im going to lose my marbles

 

delilah @heythere

ive seen pictures of thor and that alone made me risk it all i cant imagine what he looks like irl

 

spidey @spiderman

HIS ACCENT IS SO NICE TOO

 

delilah @heythere

WHAT KIND OF ACCENT DOES HE HAVEUFUSJF

 

spidey @spiderman

strangely enough… australian

 

delilah @heythere

oh my FUCKING GOD???????????

 

spidey @spiderman

ALL THE ASGUARDIANS ARE SO KIND IM AB TO CRY

 

spidey @spiderman

IM TALKING TO THIS ONE GIRL NOW AND HER NAME IS LITERALLY KOA. LIKE A KOA FISH UHHH.

 

angel emoji @medusahead

I forgot to ask but what does an asguardian pie even have in it

 

spidey @spiderman

honestly its a mixture of so much stuff but i had some and it's…….. so good. there's like blueberries and pineapple in there with this weird flour idek

 

leah @flaminghotcheetos

tell us about koa!!!!

 

spidey @spiderman

oh well idk what shed be comfortable w but shes around my age and shes super nice!! ive been talking to her and her 4 brothers for a few minutes now and they're all so sweet

 

spidey @spiderman

im really glad someone like thor is the one looking after all these people because every single one has been more than thankful and kind to me. i don't know all of the details but i truly feel that none of them deserve this

 

spidey @spiderman

also side note they're all so pretty i think asguardians are all born stunning or smth i think it's their dna

 

leah @flaminghotcheetos

guys… i think i stan spiderman

 

delilah @heythere

I KNOW ME TOO HES BABY

 

Corey @deadlydude

i get big bi vibes from him tbh

 

quen @queenquen

spiders are gay culture