This Phantom Skin, It's Weird To Live In

by CrimsonFandomTrash (Blue_Boy_2000)

Summary:

How Gavin discovers his identity, and how he deals with it.

WARNING: this fic has some triggering topics in it, like self-harm, suicidal ideation, trans/homophobia, and probably a couple other squicky things. The triggers are mostly in the later chapters, and any chapter with a heap of triggers will get a warning at the beginning.

Chapter 1: 1

   -November 2016-

   There was something wrong with her, but Genevieve had never been able to figure it out. She was very obviously different from all the other girls, and yet, she looked like the perfect daughter.
  
   The problem, of course, was far beyond the exterior. There was nothing physically wrong with her, so she thought, so the issue had to be some internal problem. Even looking deeper didn't do any good, though.

   It wasn't until she was scrolling online one day, a word popped up on the screen that piqued her interest.

   Transgender.

   She had no idea what it meant, so she searched it on Google, and it gave her a few thousand results, the top being a dictionary definition.

   trans·gen·der

   /transˈjendər,tranzˈjendər/

   adjective
  
   denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.

   She blinked at the words on the screen, re-reading the definition a couple of times to make sure she'd read it correctly. Huh, she'd never heard of this. Maybe she should do more research...

   A few hours of reading articles later, it clicked- but, of course, she pushed the thought away. There was no way that this stuff applied to her. She was a girl, right? She'd always been referred to with female pronouns, and a feminine name, and it had never bothered her. So she locked the information up in her head and tried to be normal, just like the other girls.

   -February 2017-

   She took in a deep breath as she looked in the mirror, fresh out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her thin frame. She... Didn't like what she saw. At all. It had only gotten worse the past few months since finding that word, and doing more research on it whenever her mother wasn't looking.
  
   She hated what she saw staring back at her, from her full, pink lips, to her long eyelashes. There wasn't a trace of any kind of facial hair to be seen on her, and for some reason, that was bothering her now. Every time she heard her name or was called by female pronouns, it made her want to curl up in a tiny ball and disappear.

   But, she ignored it. Trans people seemingly had it even worse than gay people, and she already knew what her mother's opinion of gay people was. Spoiler; she didn't have a very positive opinion.

   So, Genevieve got ready for school and continued living the lie her life was turning out to be.

   -April 2017-

   Again she stood at the mirror, and again, she was disgusted with what she saw. But she was doing an experiment to see if a few changes could fix that.

   Very quietly, she snuck into the room that used to belong to her step-brother, and she raided his closet for clothes. When she found something she was sure would fit, she scurried back to her own room and stood in front of the mirror again.

   ... And that was when she realized clothes alone wouldn't make her look like the opposite sex, so she dug out a roll of ace bandaging, and started binding her chest. The internet had very specifically told her that it was dangerous to bind like this, but it wasn't like she could keep it on for very long, anyway. Her mother would be home soon enough, and the last thing Genevieve needed was to get caught crossdressing by her bigoted mother.

She turned to the side, taking in the sight of her flattened chest. It looked... Right. Like that was how she was supposed to look normal, with a flat chest. It only made her more and more scared of what she already knew. She slipped on her brother's old clothes, and they hung oddly on her, but they, too, looked right, rather than the light pink sweater she'd been wearing before.

   She grabbed a beanie from the table next to her and tucked her hair into it until only her bangs were showing to create the illusion of short hair. And then she just... Started at herself.

   She hadn't wanted to believe it, but now there wasn't any way she could deny it anymore. Staring at a boy in the mirror, she (he?) saw the person that... he...? was obviously meant to be.

   ~~~~~

   He called Elijah that night, tears rolling down his face as he did. His brother picked up on the fourth ring. "Gen? What's up?"

   Genevieve sniffled, wiping tears away with the back of his hand. "Eli, I... Gotta tell you something." He paused. "You can't tell anyone, though, especially not my mom."

   "What is it, what's wrong?" Eli asked. Genevieve collected himself, trying to think best how to explain it.

   "I think... I was born into the wrong body... " he said quietly.

   "What do you mean?" His brother asked. "Gen?"

   "I'm not a girl, Eli." Genevieve continued, choking on a sob. "I've been trying to be normal like everyone else for the past few months, but I... I'm not a normal girl, cuz I'm not a girl, and I don't know what to do, and-"

   "Whoa, whoa, hey, slow down," Elijah said. "Are... You trying to tell me you're trans?"

   Genevieve nodded a little, before remembering his step-brother couldn't see him. "Yeah..." He replied quietly. "Y-you can't tell my mom, though. If she finds out, she'll kill me."

   The other end of the call was silent for a moment, and for a split second, Genevieve was scared he'd chased off the one person in the world who'd ever cared about him. But, then he heard his older brother sigh a little, before he asked, "Have you picked out a name?"

   Genevieve blinked in surprise. He hadn't thought that far. "Why?"

   "I can't exactly keep calling you Gen if you're a boy, can I?"

   He wiped more tears away, thinking. "I don't know... Maybe..." He thought of boy names that started with G, as his birth name. Gabe, George, Gary- none of those felt right, and his head was swirling with too many emotions right now to think of any others, so he sighed. "I don't know..."

   "Alright, well, I have to go," Elijah said. "My dad is making me go to this lame banquet. I can't get out of it, and I've already been procrastinating this entire time." Elijah paused. "Keep me updated, alright? I'm here for you."

   "Okay..." Genevieve replied. "Bye, Eli..."

   "Bye, dude."

   Click. He hung up the phone.

   ~~~~~

   He pushed his food around on his plate as his mother sat at the table across from him, eating her dinner. He'd lost his appetite. "Genevieve, you should eat." He cringed at hearing that name. It was wrong. That wasn't supposed to be his name.

   "I'm not hungry." He replied quietly. His mother looked at him with an eyebrow raised, as if to say 'I don't care if you're not hungry, you're gonna eat'. He sighed, and started eating, slowly, since he still didn't have an appetite.

   "I got a call from the school today." His mother added after a moment, in that tone that made his blood freeze. "What exactly possessed you to disobey your P.E. teacher by not changing into your gym clothes?"

   "I, um..." He had to think of an excuse quickly. "My... Gym clothes don't... Fit me anymore."

   For a few moments, his mother was silent, giving him that look of disbelief she wore whenever he told her anything. Whether it was true or not, she never believed him. "Well, since it's the weekend, we can go shopping tomorrow."

   He sighed. His mother was sure to pick out the girliest work-out clothes she could find, as she'd always done. He was never allowed to pick for himself, and even if he were, choosing boy clothes would just piss her off, and maybe even arouse suspicion.

   Truth be told, the reason he didn't change today during P.E. class was that he didn't want to be greeted by the sight of his chest, or his feminine hips. But, it was looking like he was gonna be stuck being 'Genevieve', at least until he moved out when he was eighteen, which was still more than three years away...
  
   Could life be any suckier...?

   ~~~~~

   "How about... Gabe?"

   "No..." He told Eli. "I don't feel like a Gabe."

   "Gale?" Eli suggested. Gen shook his head. His step-brother thought for another minute. "Okay, what about... Gavin?"

   Gen blinked his eyes in surprise. "Gavin." He repeated slowly.

   "Hey, you lemme know if you have any better ideas, cuz that's all I got," Elijah replied sarcastically as he took a bite of his ice cream sundae.

   "No, no, no, I... I think I like it." He replied. "I like the name Gavin, it's cool."

   "So, Gavin it is, then?"

   He thought for a moment. "Yeah... Gavin."

   Eli smiled at him. "Well, then, Gavin. You wanna go play some Black Ops?"

   "Hell yeah."

  -October 7th, 2017-

   Gavin looked down at the pink floral dress that had been laid out on his bed. The outfit his mother picked for him to wear today, on his 15th birthday. He hated it. Even if it weren't for the fact that he didn't want to wear it (but was going to have to, anyway), he wouldn't have liked it on anyone else, either. It was an ugly thing, with a ribbon that tied in the back, and sleeves that cut off at the elbows. And the heels his mother picked to go with the dress weren't exactly the highlight of the outfit, either. They were pink and sparkly and had to be at least four inches tall.

   "Genevieve!" He heard his mother call up the steps, the name that wasn't really his that he'd endured the past few months stabbing him in the chest once again. "Your grandma and aunt are here, hurry up and get ready, sweetie!"

   Gavin sighed as his eyes glassed over with tears. Today was going to be horrible, he thought as he got undressed.

   Putting the dress on felt like a victory and a loss at the same time. On one hand, Gavin was surprised he didn't break into tears right then and there. On the other, he was still gonna have to wear the dress for the rest of the day, and get called 'Genevieve', 'she' and 'her' all damn day. It wasn't fair...

   Once the ribbon was tied around his waist, he slipped the heels on and tried his best to put on a brave face as he looked in the mirror. All he saw was a boy in a dress staring back at him. An unhappy boy, mind you, but a boy nonetheless. It felt so wrong... Everything about this was wrong. He wiped at his eyes, trying to make sure no one could tell he was close to tears as he walked awkwardly down the steps.

   The first person he saw upon reaching the bottom of the stairs was his grandmother. She immediately stood from her seat with a gasp. "There's my beautiful granddaughter!" She walked over to Gavin and immediately hugged him, all whilst Gavin cringed internally. "You look so lovely in that dress, sweetheart. Oh, you're such a pretty young lady."

   "Thank you, Grandma..." Gavin forced the words out of his mouth. He wasn't grateful. Not really. He would have rather been called a handsome young man.

   The rest of the day was basically like that. He spent the entire day being called pretty, and beautiful, and his mother even mentioned how he was 'a young woman' now instead of a 'little girl'. He hated all of it. He hated the headbands, earrings, bracelets, and makeup he got as gifts. He hated that the cake read 'Happy 15th Birthday, Genevieve!', in pink icing,  instead of 'Happy 15th Birthday, Gavin!' in literally any other color. He hated the heels that gave him blisters by the end of the night, and he hated that he couldn't even be himself on his goddamn birthday.

   As soon as he closed himself up in his room for the night, tears fell down his cheeks rapidly, blurring his vision as he sunk onto his bed. He grabbed a pillow and buried his face into it, hugging it tightly. This had to have been the worst birthday he'd ever had.

Chapter 2: 2

Summary:

Idk what to say about this one, you'll see.

Trigger warning: child abuse, transphobia

   -January 2018-
  
   The only time Gavin could get away from it all was when he was on the ice. When he was at home, or at school, or literally anywhere else, he was 'Genevieve'. He had to endure all of the torture of his hidden identity, from the deadnaming to the misgendering. Worst of all, he couldn't even correct any of them, because again, hidden identity.

   On the ice, though, he bundled his coat up enough to hide his chest, and his hair got tied up and hidden under a beanie. On the ice, he could be Gavin.

   And maybe ice skating was a more predominately female sport, but so what? It was fun, and he wasn't at home, or at school. He was somewhere no one would bother him. So, Gavin skated his cares away.

   -May 2018-

   School wasn't entirely horrible. Sure, most of the kids were annoying, and the teachers did nothing about the insistent bullying he went through on a daily basis, but there was one good part, and that was that his best friend, who sat next to him in all their classes. Her name was Sam, and she was just a little bit older than Gavin was. They'd only met at the beginning of the school year, but she was still the only real friend Gavin had ever really had.

   Which is why this news was unpleasant for him.

   "What?"

   Sam fidgeted a little where she stood, a guilty expression on her face. "I'm moving this summer. We're moving to Ohio, so, we won't see each other anymore."

   Gavin felt his heart sink in his chest. Sam was the only person who didn't seem to mind him. Everyone else either antagonized him or stood idly by while he was ruthlessly targeted. "What am I supposed to do with you gone?"

   Sam sighed. "Come on, Gavin, don't say something like that. It's not like I decided we should move. My parents did. I don't get any say in the matter."

   He kicked a ball of paper at his feet as they continued down the now empty halls to their lockers. "Fuck." He said quietly. He sighed. "When am I losing you?"

   Sam was quiet for a moment, probably thinking before she replied, "The day after school lets out."

   "Okay," Gavin replied casually as if he was okay with this. But, of course, he wasn't.

   -July 2018-

   The events of earlier swarmed in his head as bits of hair fell to the ground, and the sound of scissors snipping echoed in his ears.

   He'd told his mother. Even knowing it was a bad idea, he told her, anyway.

   It happened around noon. He walked into the kitchen where she stood making lunch, a cigarette abandoned in the ashtray a couple of feet away as her heeled feet clacked against the kitchen floor. "Um, mom...?"

   His mother didn't even look at him. "Yeah, Gen?"

   Gavin's heart was racing with fear. This was a bad idea, and he should stop, but nothing at all will change if he doesn't say anything, and its all gotten so... Unbearable the last few months. Absolute torture. "I need to tell you something, but, uh..."

   His mother turned her head to look at him and he immediately honed in on the way her eyes narrowed as soon as she saw the sight of her 'daughter'. "Gen, honey, why are you dressed like that?" She asked in disgust. "You look like a dyke. Are those Elijah's clothes?"

   Gavin swallowed the lump forming in his throat he didn't know was there. Most kids felt safe around their mothers, but he never had. Her green-gray eyes practically bore into him whenever she was displeased. It was like staring into the eyes of the devil. "I-I, I'm not... I'm not a girl..." He said quietly.

   His mother scowled, an eyebrow raised. "Genevieve, you're not a boy. I would know, I changed your diapers." She turned back around. "Go take those clothes off, ladies don't dress like that."

   Gavin stood there for a moment, a wave of things crashing over him; anger, frustration, defeat, confusion, fear. It all swirled together, and he didn't know what to do. So, he opened his big, dumb mouth and said the first thing that came to mind. "No?" Of course, he phrased it as a question, because half his brain to mouth filter decided to work; but not the half that stopped him from saying it, just the half that told him he shouldn't say it.

   That just seemed to piss her off. His mother turned the stove off and spun on her heel, and put her hands on her hips. "Genevieve Ann Reed, who do you think you're saying 'no' to?"

   "My name isn't Genevieve!" He finally snapped. "My name is Gav-"

   His mother raised her voice and cut him off, and he shrank where he stood. "Young lady, go to your room! I'll hear no more of this crazy talk!"

  "I'm not a girl!"

   He saw her hand swipe for him, but he didn't have the time to counter it. He felt her fake nail dig into the skin of the bridge of his nose like a knife before the impact of the slap afterward made it worse. He stood there for a moment in shock before he looked up at her. "Now, go to your room." She growled at him.

Gavin spun quickly and started sprinting towards the stairs, tripping over his own feet clumsily as he scurried up into his room as fast as he could. When he got there, he locked himself in his closet and huddled on the floor. He could definitely feel that cut on his nose was bleeding.

   That was the first time she'd ever struck him. He'd occasionally get a slap on the hand every now and then, but she'd never hit him. Apparently, the line for when it's okay to hit your kid gets completely destroyed if you find out 'she' wants to be a boy.

   He pulled his beanie over his head as tears welled up in his eyes. He fucked everything up. Before, he was being silently victimized. Now, though, he would be purposefully targeted. If life was hard before trying to tell her, it was only gonna get worse now that she knew.

   Now, he sat in a chair as his brother gave him his first boy haircut. "Now, I'm not a hairstylist. I'm more of an engineer, but, I'm sure I can manage something you'll like."

   "I don't care if you mess up my hair, I just want it short," Gavin replied. "It could be the worst haircut in the world, and I wouldn't care, as long as it's short."

   "Well, those are some pretty low standards you have there, Gav," Eli replied as he kept snipping away. "I hope you have better taste in girls."

   Gavin immediately frowned at that. Huh. He hadn't really thought about anything like that. He had been so invested in his sense of self, and his identity, that sexuality had never been a topic in his mind, even now at sixteen years old. Most boys his age already had a 'body count'.

   Did he like girls??? Maybe...??? He would have to put more thought into it.

   Soon, his brother was done and handed him a mirror. He looked like... Gavin. A smile stretched across his face.

   -August 2018-

   Things at home were tense, to say the least.

   Gavin basically snuck around the house all day, careful to try to not cross paths with his mother. Whenever they did meet in the hallway, occasionally the kitchen or living room, she'd stare at him with this hateful glare that killed him inside a little. It was especially worse whenever she focused on the haircut. She shakes her head in disgust. "I still can't believe you butchered your pretty hair like that because you think you're a boy..."

   She'd say it in a tone that made Gavin feel like the worst person on earth, as if she was damning him cuz he just stomped on a box of kittens or something. Like he was a monster. Like he was sick. Like he was a freak.

   Especially once she started using those words herself. So he avoided her at all costs. He woke up earlier than usual and would sneak in a bowl of cereal before hiding in his room again. He'd draw, or watch a Youtube video. Spent hours on end trying to find new ways to kill time. Eventually, she'd leave for work and he would have the house to himself until nine PM. She would get home, and he would already be hidden in his room for the rest of the night. He didn't dare rock the boat. It never ended well for him.

   -December 24th, 2018-

   Kicked out on Christmas Eve. How miserable. Gavin's feet trudged through the heavy snowfall as he sluggishly paced towards his brother's house. His phone was out of service, and he didn't have a dime; just the clothes on his back, and the things he had thrown into his backpack as soon as she had told him to get the hell out so that the normal people in the family could enjoy the holiday without having to look at him.

   As soon as he got to Elijah's door, he knocked, not feeling the impact of his fist on the door because of frostbite. The door opened after a moment, and Elijah looked down at the Gavin-cicle. "Jesus, Gav, what are you doing out in this snow?"

   "Freezing my dick off, cuz the bitch kicked me out," Gavin replied bitterly through chattering teeth. "Can I stay here?"

   "Of course, come in." Gavin walked in and immediately the warmness of the house felt better. Elijah quickly shut the door behind them, and Gavin worked on removing his coats. "Why did she kick you out this time?"

   "Because she doesn't want the rest of the family knowing her 'daughter' is a freak," Gavin said, sniffling. He wasn't sure if it was from the cold, or the rejection of the only parent who's ever been in his life.

   Elijah frowned deeply as he helped Gavin hang his stuff up. He sighed. "Wow. She's an actual witch."

   "Tch, you're telling me." Gavin scoffed.

   He and Elijah ended up sitting next to the fire for Gavin to warm himself up. At some point, Eli went to go get something and came back a few moments later with a box in hand. "What's that?"

   "Your Christmas gift, obviously," Elijah said as he sat back down on the floor, handing the box to Gavin. Gavin stared at it for a moment. "You seem to have had a pretty bad day, so I figured I'd give it to you a night early."

   Gavin removed the wrapping paper and slid the box open to find... A chest binder. He looked at his older step-brother. "I noticed you carrying ace bandaging around," Elijah said. "That's not safe, so I got you the real deal."

   Gavin looked back down at the gift before looking back up at his step-brother. "Jeez, 'Lijah, I dunno what to say..."

   "I believe 'thank you' is a customary reply." The older boy snarked back.

   "Oh, ha-ha," Gavin replied, rolling his eyes as he pushed Elijah in mock annoyance. "Is this a gc2b binder? Dude, this must cost you a fortune."

   "Eh, one of the benefits of being a Kamski is that I can spend as much money as I want on gifts." Eli shook his head with a bit of a sigh. He'd never much liked being a rich kid. Gavin could tell he was obviously grateful for the things he was able to have, with all the dough his father was rolling in, but the rich lifestyle didn't seem to suit him.

   Gavin shook that thought away since it wasn't really important. He sighed, putting the lid back on the box. "Thanks, Eli."

   "No problem, little brother."

   Gavin rolled his eyes as he smiled. "You're only two and a half months older than me."

   "That doesn't change the fact that you're my little brother." His step-brother replied.

   "Tch, " Gavin scoffed. "Whatever, nerd."

   -March 2019-

   His mother was still gonna be gone for another four hours, but there her cigarettes lay, abandoned on the counter. Normally, she never went anywhere without them, but as Gavin went downstairs to make something to eat, he noticed them sitting innocently on the kitchen counter.

   He would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about smoking. His mother had been doing it as long as he could remember. And yeah, obviously smoking was dangerous, and he could end up with cancer, but... Gavin really wanted to know what the hype was about.

   He felt pretty guilty, pulling one of the cigarettes from the pack and placing it between his lips. He felt even worse lighting it, making it something his mother could no longer enjoy. He felt horrible as the toxic smoke entered his lungs. Tears welled up in his eyes as he choked on the smoke, and a moment later, he felt bile rising up his throat. He swallowed it back down (which was gross, ew) before he took another drag off the cigarette. It still felt unnatural, but less so than before.

   Once Gavin was done with it, he put it out in the ashtray and vowed to never smoke another cigarette again.

   -September 2019-

   Another school year. This was the last year he would have to go to school and endure the mistreatment of his peers.
  
   Gavin by no means had ever had the best grades in the world, but he didn't have the worst grades, either. His average was a C, which was just good enough to keep anyone, including his mother or teachers, off his dick.

   He thought that, if he were in the right place in life, he would probably be able to focus on school better. Or, maybe not. Maybe he was dumb, and just had too much faith in himself. Maybe an environment change would mean nothing for how well he was doing. An environment change would still be nice, though.

   School had been open for a week now, and the first week is always the weirdest. Friendships and rivalries are formed most commonly during the first week, and it takes a while longer still to get used to the brand new schedule change.

   Gavin's favorite class, ironically, was math. He hated math, but it was his best subject, and his math teacher was the kind of dude who never quite grew up. Honestly, Gavin kind of looked up to him as a role model, since it wasn't like he had many other role models. Elijah was busy doing things with his life, and his mother was anything but a role model. His dad had never been around, and the rest of his family wasn't exactly on very friendly terms with him. That is to say, of course, that they hated him.

   Mr. Trey was a man who was in his late forties, Gavin was pretty sure. His hair was greying, he wore a brightly colored sweater and khakis every day, and he had a collection of Star Wars figures decorating the classroom. He was nice, he was fair, and he had a corny sense of humor. Gavin would be lying if he said he didn't wanna be at least a little like Mr. Trey, but since no one was asking, he didn't need to say it.

   Art class was okay, he guessed. He had never been very good in art class, his presentation was always sloppy, even when he put the effort in. But, his art teacher wasn't too bad, and art class kids are usually the quiet, reserved ones. So, no one messed with him during art class.

   His art teacher was Mrs. Brown. She kinda reminded him of Ms. Frizzle, if she'd been geared more towards art than science. Every time he saw her, she was wearing a shirt with little patterns on it, a long, flowy skirt, and had her hair tied up in a messy bun. She was also a friendly soul like Mr. Trey who had never seemed to really grow up. She seemed to have an obsession with cats, given all the little knick-knacks and posters around her classroom. Gavin still liked Mr. Trey more, but Mrs. Brown was still a nice breath of fresh air.

    Especially since that was where the nice teacher stories ended. His English teacher was this absolute witch of a woman. Ms. Clayford.

   Ms. Clayford was that teacher that no one at school wanted. The kids in her class were never happy to be there. Some of them decided to rebel against her, with paper airplanes, spit-balls, and plenty of back-talk. The rest, however, were scared of her, and Gavin was no different. She reminded him of his mother.

   Which is why one day when he wasn't paying attention, she went over to him and raised her hand to point at the board, and he flinched as if she would hit him. Of course, she didn't, because she was a teacher, and teachers can't hit kids, but she was definitely put off a little by his reaction. Five minutes later, when she was done explaining what they were learning, she went back to her desk, made a quick phone call, wrote out a hall pass, and put it on Gavin's desk.

   Name of student: Genevieve Reed
   Destination: guidance counselor's office
   Time left: 12:25 PM
   Time returned:

   He cringed internally at the name, but what did he expect? Mr. Trey was the only teacher he'd felt comfortable telling his actual name, and he even refrained from using it as to not out Gavin to the class. Nonetheless, he stood from his seat and walked out of the room, making the walk of shame to the counselor's office.

   He knocked on the door hesitantly, and it soon opened up. The guidance counselor, Mrs. Youndt, looked down at him and smiled a little at him. "Hello, there. Can I help you?" She asked in a sweet tone. Gavin didn't make eye contact with her, simply handed her the hall pass. Her eyes skimmed over it, and after a moment she said, "oh, okay, you're the girl Ms. Clayford sent me." Mrs. Youndt opened the door wider and stepped to the side so he could walk in. "Come on in." When he hesitated, she laughed a little and said, "c'mon, I don't bite."

   Gavin walked in and stood in front of her desk. She walked in, sat down, and motioned for Gavin to do the same. He complied, hesitantly. "Ms. Clayford tells me she's concerned about how things are going at home for you." She prefaced, folding her hands together. Gavin spaced out a little, looking at a plant in the corner of the room. "What's your home life like, Genevieve?"

   "That's not my name..." He said quietly.

   "What do you mean?" She asked, looking down at the hall pass. "It says right here-"

   "My name is Gavin." He interrupted her, finally getting the courage to make eye contact with her. It didn't last long though, once his nerves settled. "I'm a boy, not a girl."

   Out of the corner of his vision, he saw her come to the realization. "I'm sorry, then. But, you never answered my question. How is your home life, Gavin?"

   How should he answer that? He didn't want to rock the boat and make her call child services, so he couldn't exactly tell her what he was going through at home. He didn't wanna deal with the abuse from his mother anymore, but telling someone about it could just make it worse. "It's, um, pretty boring." He replied, not entirely untruthful, but not exactly giving her the full picture, either. "I get home from school and make food, and do my homework. Then, I watch YouTube for a couple of hours. I make dinner, eat, and then I go to bed."

   "Which parents do you have in your life?" She asked, writing everything he had just said on a notepad.

   "My mother," Gavin replied.

   "Are you close with your mother?" She asked next.

    He shrugged. "I guess. I mean, she's usually at work, so..."

    She nodded, and wrote some more, before pausing. "Has your mother ever been violent towards you?"

    "No." He lied, even as the scar across the bridge of his nose burned at the memory of her nails digging into his skin not even two minutes after he had told her about him not being a girl.

    "Do you have any other family members around in your life?" He was sick of her questions already, but he nodded in reply. "Have any of them ever been violent towards you?"

   "No." He said again, and this time it was actually the truth. The rest of the family avoided or ignored him. It was only ever his mother who'd decided to do any physical harm to him.

    She hesitated at the next question. "Does your family know about you being Gavin?"

   "Yes."

   "And are they okay with it?"

   "Yes." Another lie.

    She nodded a little, a bit of disbelief on her face before she kept writing. Gavin had a feeling she wasn't falling for his lies, but he wasn't about to tell the truth. "What about here at school, is everything alright here?"

    He could easily tell her about the relentless bullying, could even give her a list of names of the worst offenders. But, no. If he wasn't gonna rock the boat about his home life, he could spare the details of his school life, too. It wasn't like she actually cared. She was just doing his job. "Yeah."

   "Are you sure?" She asked, still looking like she didn't quite believe it. "None of the other kids are bothering you?"

   "No, ma'am." He replied.

   She looked at him for a moment. "Ms. Clayford said you flinched pretty hard when all she did was point at the board."

    "She surprised me, 's all," Gavin replied with a shrug. "I'm okay."

   "Alright." She said with a sigh. "If that ever changes though, you make sure to come to talk to me about it."

   "Okay." He said, knowing full well he had no intention of coming here of his own accord.

   She closed her notebook, and stood, before handing him his hall pass back. He stood, and she opened the door. "Well, Gavin, I won't keep you from class any longer."

   He walked out of the room and didn't bother looking back.

    When he got back to English class, he handed Ms. Clayford the hall pass, then sat down at his desk and worked quietly.

   A part of him regretted not telling her the truth, but there was nothing he could do. Besides, he was used to it by now. It couldn't even get any worse, and soon he would be old enough to move out. It didn't even matter, right?

Notes:

Hi, don't @ me, Gavin Reed is trans, change my mind.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Detroit: Before Human