Chapter Text
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
Jared
Ten Months Ago
“Jared! Hey Jared!”
Jared heard the high-pitched voice coming from somewhere behind him, he felt a strong urge to just ignore it and keep walking, but the nice manners his momma instilled in him eventually won. So he turned around, finding Kendra coming towards him and he forced out a smile.
“Hey Kendra, what’s up?”
The girl stopped in front of Jared, giving him a flirtatious smile. She had a weird aura about her, Jared always felt it every time she was near.
“I was wondering if you would like to study a bit later at your place. I could use your help with some topics.”
Jared scrunched his nose. “Sorry, I’m a little busy today. Perhaps another time.”
The girl closed the distance between them even more and touched his arm, causing Jared to feel something akin to an electric shock inside. He shivered. “Come on, Jared! Just a couple of hours, I promise.”
She winked at him, and Jared felt unease. There was something weird about this chick, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. She was an ordinary girl, petite, very fair skin and long blond hair, piercing blue eyes and a few tattoos, there was even one on her left temple. She had been all over Jared for a while now, following him everywhere and trying to get a date with him. Jared really hated to be a dick and turn her down, but he really didn’t swing that way. She just didn’t have the equipment Jared was interested in. It wasn’t like he was waving a huge rainbow flag everywhere he went, he preferred to be discreet with that aspect of his life, not wanting any trouble, being in Texas and all. So it was kind of obvious Kendra didn’t know about Jared being gay, and he avoided telling her so far, but if she didn’t stop flirting with him maybe eventually he would have to. He could end it right now but he really wasn’t in the mood, his head was killing him and he wanted to go back to his dorm.
“Sorry Kendra, not tonight. See ya later.” Jared turned around and walked away fast, missing the look the girl was giving him behind his back.
*
On Friday night Jared drove back to San Antonio from Austin where he went to college. He usually went home on weekends to see his family - and also to do laundry and eat proper food his awesome mom made - he just would have to return to Austin earlier this time since there would be a huge Halloween party at campus on Saturday night.
One of the first things his momma asked Jared after he arrived was about Kendra.
“Have you asked that girl out already, baby?”
Jared rolled his eyes. “Mom, how many times do I have to tell you I’m gay? It’s like you forgot all of the sudden.”
Jared’s parents had always been okay with his sexuality, it’s not like Jared dated a lot of guys, he only had a couple of boyfriends, nothing serious, and his folks had never minded. But ever since they visited Jared on campus and met Kendra - against Jared’s will of course - and she threw her girl charm on them, it’s like they became obsessed with her. Both Jared’s mom and dad were always asking about her, if Jared was dating her already, if he had asked her out yet. His answer was always the same, but it felt like it didn’t register in their minds. It was starting to become annoying, actually.
Thankfully he only had to endure two more questions about Kendra before he drove back to Austin that Saturday afternoon, happily taking some packed food with him for the week. When he arrived at his dorm, his friend and roommate Stephen already had their matching costumes ready for them, they were going as Mario and Luigi - Jared would be Luigi since it had been Stephen’s idea and he called dibs on Mario.
Before going to the party at one of the frat houses - Jared always mixed up their names - Stephen and him met up with some other friends at the nearby Wendy’s for dinner, and after having just consumed a nice huge burger with big fries, Jared felt much better.
By the time they arrived at the party, it was already packed. Jared grabbed himself a beer - he was not quite 21 yet, there was still a few months to go - but it was not like anybody needed to know. And frankly, nobody cared.
The party was awesome and Jared had already had a few drinks when he saw a familiar face, and sadly it was too late to turn away.
“Hey Jared darling, I was looking for you.”
Jared groaned inwardly. “Hey there, Kendra. Sorry but I have to go find my friends.”
But the girl was having none of it, dragging Jared by the arm with her. “Nonsense. Let’s go have something fun to drink!”
Suddenly Jared felt overpowered, it was like he didn’t want to refuse to hang out with Kendra anymore but couldn’t tell why this sudden change. So he allowed himself to be dragged away. Before he knew it, Jared had a colorful drink in his hand and he had no idea where Kendra had produced it from, but he felt an urge to drink it. He downed the whole thing, and found the girl smiling mischievously at him. Jared felt a shiver running through his whole body.
“Thank you for the drink Kendra, but I need to go find my friends now,” Jared tried to walk away but felt a strong hand grabbing his forearm, and it felt like he had just been burned.
“Not so fast, pretty boy. Our fun is just getting started.”
Before Jared could ask what she meant, he started feeling odd. It became hard to keep his eyes open, and his body wouldn’t cooperate.
“What did you do to me?” Jared tried to speak loud but his voice came out slurred.
“Nothing dear, just gave you something to help you loosen up a bit. Now come on.”
Jared felt himself being dragged away, he tried to fight it, tried to shove Kendra away, but it was impossible, he couldn’t even keep his eyes open and was having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other, his body was ready to collapse. Eventually Jared found himself being pushed into the backseat of a car, and as he folded himself in the tight space, he lost unconsciousness almost immediately.
*
When Jared came to it again, he was lying on an uncomfortable couch, in a room he didn’t recognize. He had no idea what was happening or how he ended up in this place, and his head hurt like a bitch. Panic washed through him as he sat up, looking at his surroundings and trying to remember what happened, but he was having a hard time focusing. When he heard a familiar voice coming from behind him, Jared jumped.
“Morning dear! Was wondering when you would wake up. Breakfast is ready!”
“You.” Jared whispered as he turned around and faced Kendra, everything rushing back. “What did you do to me? What was in that drink? Where am I?”
Kendra tsked impatiently as she walked closer to Jared. “Now now pretty boy, where are your manners? It’s only our first day of vacation!”
Jared frowned at her, his mouth agape. “Vacation? Are you crazy?” He looked out of the window and noticed it was already morning, which meant he’d been out the whole night. His friends must had been worried sick about him if they weren’t too wasted to notice his absence, of course. He looked around him. “Where is my phone?”
Kendra gave him a condescending smile. “It’s safe for now, don’t worry about it. Let’s focus on us.”
“Us? There is no us Kendra, come on! Please take me back home now, this has gone too far.”
Kendra pursed her lips, making a displeased sound. “Not gonna happen. I brought you here so we could spend some time together.” She sat down on the couch next to Jared, who scooted away a bit. “It’s time you find out once and for all that you are in love with me.”
Jared’s eyebrows shot up, and he gave Kendra an incredulous look. “What? Have you lost your mind? I am definitely not in love with you!”
Kendra stomped her foot down, closing her fists, her voice changing its amicable tone to a somber one. “Yes you are! You have to be, Jared. We are made for each other!”
Jared swallowed down, he was feeling a dangerous vibe coming from the girl and tried to reason with her. “Sorry Kendra, but we are not. I don’t know why you are obsessed with me, but I can’t give you what you want. I’m gay.”
Kendra’s face suddenly transformed into a mask of outraged anger, and Jared felt fear. “What?”
Her voice had a completely deep tone to it now, nothing like Jared was used to. He tried to keep calm so his voice wouldn’t waver. “Well… It’s the truth. I could never love you Kendra, I like guys. Sorry.”
Kendra took a deep breath, her eyes sparkling and suddenly turning a shade of purple, and got up. “No!”
Jared tried to get up from the couch, but he realized he just couldn’t move. His body was completely paralyzed, mo matter how much he tried. He looked up at Kendra feeling absolute fear taking over him. “What is happening? What are you doing?”
Kendra raised an eyebrow at Jared, looking down at him with disdain. “Well well, pretty boy, you made your choice and now you’re gonna have to live with it.”
She took a small book out of her pocket and opened it, the whole room instantly going darker and colder. Jared could feel his heart pounding inside his chest, he had never been so scared in his life, having no idea what was about to happen. Kendra started chanting words Jared couldn’t understand, her voice reaching an even lower level than he thought possible. It could be Latin, but Jared wasn’t sure. What he was pretty sure of though, was this sounded like an enchantment and he felt even more scared than he already was. Everybody called Kendra a witch but Jared had no idea she was actually one. He should have given her more credit.
When Kendra finished chanting, she leaned down and grabbed Jared’s right forearm forcefully, and her touch sent Jared’s insides on fire, he never felt such pain in his life and he let out a scream. As quickly as it came, it went away. Jared opened his eyes, breathing erratically, and Kendra turned his forearm so Jared could see the inside. There, was a brand new tattoo of a beautiful rose in greyscale. Jared jumped when he saw it, because what the fuck?
Kendra was up on his face and Jared didn’t have the time to question how the hell a tattoo had just appeared on his arm. “Now you listen to me, pretty boy, since that’s pretty much the only thing you’re gonna remember. Since you rejected me, I made sure nobody will ever love you. Your exterior beauty will vanish, just as your memories of who you are and those who are close to you. People will be disgusted by your appearance, because I’m gonna make sure not even an ounce of beauty remains in it. Now, so you won’t say I’m completely heartless, I will give you a way out. The spell can be broken, but since you didn’t give me your love, you are gonna have to find someone who doesn’t know how to love, someone with a cold heart, and make them love you. The ugly, scarred version of you. Oh, and one more detail. You must do that before the last petal on that flower you have there falls. And if you don’t? Say bye bye to your pretty face forever because you will never have it again. Good luck, pretty boy! Oh I’m sorry, I almost forgot! No more pretty for you!”
Kendra cackled and touched Jared’s face and this time the burning pain he felt was unbearable. He screamed and screamed in pure agony, his face felt like it was on fire for real and Jared just wanted to die, he wanted for this craziness to be over, he wanted for it to end…
The witch let go of Jared’s face and it all just stopped. Before Jared could react, everything went black and he fell down on the couch already unconscious.
Present Day
Jared
He walks past a store with a big window in front of it, and when he turns a little he jumps, looking away instantly. He doesn’t like seeing his own reflection, it scares him. He knows he is disgusting, he has heard it many times. He adjusts the hoodie over his head, so his face can be more hidden and nobody needs to see how ugly he is.
He finds a secluded corner between two shops and sits down in the shadow, clutching his Mc Donald’s paper bag in one hand. Instead of giving him a few bucks, the last guy offered to pay for a burger and fries. It’s okay with him, it’s one less person to interact with and look at him weirdly as he buys food. As he chews the Double Cheeseburger, he does the thing he has been doing the most since he woke up; he tries to remember.
He forces and stretches his mind as much as he can, but it’s always futile. His name, for example. He doesn’t know what it is. He thinks he knew it right after waking up but it vanished from his mind. He calls himself J. That letter is all that was left of his name in his brain, the only thing he can remember.
It’s like everything is a big blank, J’s whole life until almost a year ago. No matter how hard he tries, it’s all a big black hole. J has no idea how he ended up in this city - Dallas, he remembers managing to read a sign somewhere once - all he can remember is a face. A woman, with long blonde hair and fair skin, and purple eyes. J thinks she’s a witch. She told him once that he needs to find someone with a cold heart and make this person fall in love with him. J snorts. As if. Looking as horrible as he does, he couldn’t make the greatest person in the world love him, let alone someone who doesn’t know how to love. As if this wasn’t bad enough, she also told J he has a deadline to do this. J pushes the sleeve of his hoodie up, staring for the hundredth time at the rose tattooed on his forearm. He must complete his task before the last petal falls, otherwise he will stay like this forever. Two petals have already fallen since J woke up like this, he has been counting. J has no hope, he knows this will be his fate.
He wonders how he used to be. Was he pretty? J runs a hand over his face, feeling the uneven skin there, and wonders if it was smooth once? Was his hair soft, unlike the disheveled dirty mop he has right now? He has tried to cut it a few times when it starts to get too long, usually when he can get his hands on a knife or scissors , but he doubts he did a good job. He didn’t even bother to check in a mirror.
J sighs as he finishes his burger and gets up, starting his walk back to the alley he usually sleeps in, trying to get used to the idea that this is how his life will always be. One day all the petals will be gone, and there will be no hope for him. Not that there’s any now.
*
It’s a week later when things get bad. It was actually going well until now, J was able to take a shower and get something to eat at a local shelter; he just didn’t stay long - he rarely did - because even the people there would stare at him. He had long ago learned that he should be a loner.
The only people J interacts regularly are his, well, clients. Some are regulars, come to J’s area to look for him from time to time, some only come once and never return. J doesn’t need to be a genius to figure out the reason, they can’t stand looking at someone as ugly as him. But apparently the regulars don’t care, maybe he gives good blowjobs or they are far too drugged or drunk to care about anything else. Maybe both. At least J is good at something, even if it’s selling himself out. J wishes he didn’t have to do that, he hates it, always pukes afterwards because he’s so grossed out. He feels humiliated having to get on his knees for some drunk creep tasting of old sweat, in exchange for a couple of bucks so he can get food, but it’s not like J has a lot of other options before him.
That’s how things end up going bad one night. J spots this guy coming out of one of the rundown bars he always keeps an eye on, and offers to blow him for a few bucks. He is wearing his hoodie, as usual, and it’s dark so the guy can’t see his face. J’s mistake is looking up as he finishes the job, and when the guy catches a look at his face, it gets ugly. J isn’t even sure how it starts, the next thing he knows he’s getting showered with punches, he tries to protect his face as much as he can as the guy goes at him, and J falls to the ground. He doesn’t know for sure how long the beating goes on for, but eventually he hears a voice.
“Hey! Hey, leave him alone or I’m calling the cops!”
The beating suddenly stops, but J remains in the same fetal position on the ground, arms still protecting his head and eyes closed shut. When a hand touches his shoulder, J jumps away from it, burying his face in his hands and shaking, afraid he’s gonna get beaten again.
A couple minutes pass and J stops shaking enough to hear what the person is saying.
“Hey, please listen to me! I’m not gonna hurt you dude, just want to make sure you’re okay. I won’t touch you again, I promise!”
Very slowly J manages to calm down, and turns around to face whoever is talking to him. He finds himself face to face with a young blond man, and when their eyes meet, the guy startles, letting out a gasp. J suddenly remembers he doesn’t have his hoodie on, the guy is clearly disgusted by his face, so he hurries to put it back over his head.
“Sorry, sorry…” J mumbles as he hides his face. “Ugly.” He doesn’t like to speak much, actually he’s not used to since he doesn’t talk to too many people. Plus he doesn’t like the sound of his own voice, it’s as ugly as himself, so he tries to spare other people of having to hear it.
But instead of running away like J expected, the dude comes a bit closer to him, lowering his head. “Hey, sorry about that, it’s okay! I’ve seen worse, don’t worry. Like that one time at the night club ughh dude, you wouldn’t believe it! But anyway. Let’s start over. My name is Chad. What’s your name?”
J is quiet for a moment as he studies the dude from behind his hoodie. He is smiling, and it doesn’t seem like he wants to hurt J. Maybe he wants a blowjob? No, J dismisses this idea, the guy is too pretty and clearly isn’t drunk or drugged, he would never want anything coming from J. The guy - Chad - is waiting, he asked J something. What was it again? Oh, that’s right. His name. But he doesn’t have one. If only he could remember.
He doesn’t want to leave the guy waiting though, what if he gets mad and starts beating J like the other man did? So he mumbles the only thing he knows.
“J.”
The dude comes an inch closer and J can see him frowning. “Sorry, what’s that?”
“Name. ‘ts J.”
J can see the guy raising his eyebrows and smiling. Huh. It has been so long since anyone smiled at J. No, scratch that. He can’t remember anyone smiling at him ever.
“Jay, huh? That’s better, now I can call you something. Now Jay, are you hurt? That dude got you pretty bad.”
J shrugs. “‘ts fine.”
“Hmm, I don’t think it is. Why don’t I give you a ride somewhere?” J shakes his head vehemently, and Chad frowns. “Why not? Come on dude, it’s not a big deal at all.”
J shakes his head again and mumbles. “Nowhere.”
Chad’s frown deepen and he studies J for a few moments. When he gets it, his eyebrows shoot up. “Oh… oh. Okay, so you don’t have a home?”
J shakes his head one more time and lowers it in shame. Chad must think he’s pathetic. He hopes the guy just leaves and doesn’t mock him, J just wants to go back to his alley and lie down for a bit, his body hurts in a lot of places.
Chad makes a pensive face as he stares at J, a hand on his chin. Suddenly he snaps his fingers. “I know! There’s this small room at the basement of the building I live in, you can stay in it for a while. I’ll talk to the folks there, I’m sure they won’t mind. At least it’s better than sleeping on the streets, right? What do you say?”
J frowns. This guy who doesn’t even know him wants to take J to live in his building? It makes no sense, why would someone do that? He decides he needs to know the reason. “Why?”
“Why? Well, because I hate seeing people having to live on the streets dude, I can’t help them all but I can do something for you at least. And you’re badly bruised, do you think we should take you to the hospital first to get you checked out? See if you broke anything?”
J shakes his head right away. “No.” He doesn’t want more people to see him, hospitals have a lot of people. “Fine.” He doesn’t think he broke anything, he’s just feeling sore.
Chad nods. “Alright. But let me take you back to my place dude, I have a spare cot we can put in the room I told you about, and you could use a painkiller or two. And as I said, you can stay as long as you need, it’s not like we use that room for anything anyway. Wait, you’re not a thief are you? It’s totally gonna suck if you are dude.”
For the thousandth time that night, J shakes his head and mumbles. “No thief.”
Chad smiles brightly at him and starts getting up. “Awesome! Now come on, my car is over there, I’m on my way home.”
J starts to get up but he realizes his body hurts more than he thinks and fails, falling down back on the ground. Chad crouches down in front of him. “Let me help you getting up, k? Just taking you to the car, I need to touch you but I promise I won’t hurt you, alright?”
J considers for a couple of heart beats and finally nods, allowing Chad to help him up and half carrying him into his car, gently sitting him down on the passenger seat and buckling him up. J is still wary, can’t understand why Chad is being so nice but he’s so tired right now, he doubts things could get any worse than they already are, so why not? If Chad is not lying, at least J will get to sleep on a cot tonight and that sounds like a dream. He wishes he had time to go back to his alley to fetch his haggard blanket to cover himself up with. But hey, if he’s sleeping inside somewhere maybe he won’t need it so much.
J keeps his eyes closed and his body still during the whole car ride, and he can’t tell how long it takes to get to where Chad is taking him. Eventually he feels the car coming to a stop and the engine shutting off. J opens his eyes when Chad exclaims “We are here!”
J unbuckles and slowly gets out of the car, his body hurting even more now that the adrenaline is fading. Chad appears beside him and shows J a close building. “That’s me! Come on!” J studies the building, it has about five floors and it looks nice. J feels wary and stops. He shouldn’t be here. Chad senses J’s hesitation and places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Come on, Jay. It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”
Even though he’s scared J nods, feeling a good vibe coming from Chad. He thinks he’s not a bad person, he won’t hurt him. So he slowly makes his way towards the building. Chad unlocks the door and ushers J inside. He takes J downstairs and shows him the basement with some washing machines along the wall and a door with a small room behind it, which is where J will be staying. Chad leaves J alone for a little while and returns with the promised cot, plus a pillow, a blanket and a change of clothes. He also gives J a ham and cheese sandwich, a water bottle and a couple of painkillers, only apologizing for the lack of a bathroom in the basement, but tells J he can use the one in his apartment when he needs to. J knows he probably won’t do that, he has his ways. He feels embarrassed for having already received so much from Chad and wonders if the guy is expecting J to give him something in return. He’s too afraid to ask though.
“Do you need anything else, Jay?”
J shakes his head, looking down at his feet.
“Fine, then. I’ll talk to everyone living here tomorrow, explain the situation, I’m sure they won’t mind. Well, except Jensen but he’s a grumpy man by nature so I’m not too worried. If you need anything else, just let me know okay? I’m in apartment 4, just ring the doorbell.”
J nods, and Chad makes J memorize the code to the keypad so he can enter the building instead of using the key. J mumbles the number a couple of times, proving he understands it. Chad tells J good night, and before leaving J timidly reaches out and touches Chad’s elbow to get his attention.
“Thank you.” J whispers, unable to keep eye contact with Chad, but he wants the man to know he appreciates what he’s doing for J. How important this is to him. “Won’t be long.”
Chad smiles at him and gently pats his shoulder. “I told you Jay, stay as long as you want. Everyone should have a roof over their heads. See you around!”
Chad leaves J alone, and he adjusts the cot on the floor, placing the pillow and blanket on top. He takes off his clothes and folds them, placing them on the floor, and then puts on the ones Chad brought him. They’re a bit too small since J is a big dude and Chad is shorter than him, but he doesn’t mind at all. He can’t remember ever wearing clothes that smell this nice. J then devours the sandwich and takes the pills Chad gave him, downing them with half the water bottle - he saves the rest for tomorrow. Finally J turns off the lamp and lies down, making a happy noise as he feels the softness of the cot and pillow, and another one as he covers himself with the warm blanket. Even with his body hurting, he has never felt so comfortable and warm before, and J doesn’t take long to fall asleep, at least for one night feeling safe. J hopes it lasts, but deep down, he has a feeling it won’t. So he makes the most of what he has tonight.