Chapter Text
Head Office, 2701 B.C.
“Look, is it really necessary to get humans involved? Why don't I just try to set him on the right path? Of course it might take a little longer than this other method, but I'm sure I can turn this Gilgamesh around. After all, he's been a good king so far what with all the public works and city wall building, but for-”
“Are you questioning the Divine Will?” Gabriel asked, smoothing a hand over his fine linens. “Because this comes directly from the Powers.”
“No, not at all.” Aziraphale felt himself wilting before the authority that had been vested in Gabriel.
“Now say it back to me,” Gabriel said, every word dripping with contempt. “I just want to hear that you know what you're supposed to be doing.”
“So.” Aziraphale smoothed his woolly skirts and straightened the wool cloth draped across his chest, adjusting the golden pin holding the cloth close and drawing up every cubit of dignity he had left. “First I need to go to the wilderness for a few days and get a look at the wild man. Enkidu. Set out some hunting gear and such for him to wreck. Then I'm to go to Uruk. There I'm to meet with the king, Gilgamesh, dressed as a hunter.”
“Trapper,” Gabriel corrected him.
“I thought it was a hunter who was also a trapper. I'm not sure why that's important at all but all right, a trapper. Fine. After I report to Gilgamesh about Enkidu tearing up my traps, he'll give me orders but they'll be the same orders as from Heaven. To capture and civilize Enkidu, I need to find a maiden-”
“Harlot,” Gabriel corrected. “You know, a prostitute.”
“A young woman. Named Shamhat. And escort her to the wilderness, to the watering hole where Enkidu was last seen where she will be used as bait. And then I'll tell her to take off her clothes and reveal her...”
“Say it,” Gabriel said.
Aziraphale was mortified. “Oh, I can't say it! Why can't we try my way? I think-”
“You're not here to think, you're here to do as you're told.”
Aziraphale closed his mouth.
“Well?” Gabriel asked. “Any other objections?”
Aziraphale stared at the floor, and thought of all the lives and the worlds beneath their feet. “I know what to do and I will do it, rest assured. You can count on that wild man getting civilized. I will have Enkidu tamed and taken to Uruk as soon as possible.”
“Good. Sign, please.” Gabriel gestured and a low-ranked angel dressed in the drab short tunic of a servant brought over a soft clay tablet on a golden tray.
Aziraphale pulled off his golden ring and rolled it carefully across a blank part of the tablet. Though his ring did not resemble a cylinder seal in any way, it miraculously left the impression on clay in crisp cuneiform:
Aziraphale
Angel of the Eastern Gate
Principality
A Guardian of Eden
Servant of the Lord God
And beside the text, a small representation of himself standing at the great walls of Eden, a flaming sword in hand and far too many eyes and wings for mortal eyes to safely behold.
“There, that wasn't so hard was it? Now climb on back down that ladder to Earth and get to work.”
“Yes, Gabriel. Right away,” Aziraphale sighed.
At least Uruk had good fried fish.