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“Right… here are your boarding passes. Everyone has their passports, right?” Jisung nodded at the manager’s question, tucking his own boarding pass into his passport so that he had everything ready to go when they arrived at the security checkpoint. The last thing he wanted to do was make any more stress for their staff, when international travel was already difficult enough. “Let’s go, then. We have about an hour before boarding begins, so you guys should have time to grab something to eat in the lounge once we get through security.”
Security was pretty simple; as much as they travelled overseas, the members were pretty much experts on air travel and security screenings. Although there were occasional hiccups in the plan - usually in the form of jewelry that someone forgot to remove before being sent through the body scanner or metal detector - things were typically pretty quick and easy. It wasn’t long before they were checking into the airport lounge, finding seats together in an out of the way corner before heading to get something from the buffet before they had to board their flight.
Jisung brought a plate back to his seat, before digging around in the front pocket of his backpack for the bright orange pill bottle that he was supposed to have with him whenever they travelled.
Jisung had always struggled with anxiety surrounding flying, even as a child. It had gotten worse as he’d gotten older rather than getting better, and Jisung had ended up having a full-blown panic attack on the way home from the group’s first overseas schedules. He had been lucky to be seat mates with Changbin, who had talked him down and gotten him relatively calm until the flight attendants could start service once the plane was actually in the air. Jisung had been able to fall asleep after Changbin had gotten a couple of drinks into him - something that the flight attendants thankfully hadn’t questioned, even though Jisung wasn’t quite eighteen yet - and he’d made it until they had to wake him up for the landing without further issue. Changbin had been prepared for Jisung to panic again during the landing, and the elder man had held his hand and talked him through it so that he made it to the ground without completely losing it again.
Jisung had ended up with a prescription for Xanax to take whenever the group had to fly, and he had been taking the pills before boarding ever since. The medication helped him stay calm, and he usually ended up sleeping through the majority of the flight. While it probably wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, it worked for Jisung.
The problem, however, was that Jisung’s pill bottle was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t like Felix’s inhalers; Jisung couldn’t have multiple members and staff carrying duplicates of his medication, because the drug was a controlled substance that only he could carry. If it wasn’t in Jisung’s bag, that meant that it wasn’t with any of them. “Aish… not today…” Jisung muttered, as he realized just how screwed he was.
“What’s wrong?” Hyunjin asked, sitting down next to Jisung with his own plate of food.
“My meds are gone… they’re not in my bag…” Jisung began, shaking his head. “Shit… shit, this is bad…”
“What’s bad?” Minho asked, sitting down across from Jisung at the table. “Did you forget something?”
“His meds aren’t in his bag,” Hyunjin replied, as Jisung dug through a different pocket to see if maybe he’d just put the pills somewhere different than usual. Jisung remembered taking everything out of the bag and rearranging it the night before, but he couldn’t remember where the pill bottle had ended up.
“Do you think you might have lost them at security?” Minho asked, starting to get up as though he was going to head back towards the checkpoint to look for the bottle.
“My bag was closed, except for me taking out my laptop. And I would have noticed something else falling out of the bag,” Jisung replied, shaking his head. “Shit… shit, what am I going to do?”
“First, you’re going to take a deep breath,” Minho replied, reaching across the table so that Jisung could take his hand. Jisung knew that he was already starting to stress out, and that if he got on the plane in his current state they likely wouldn’t even make it off the ground before he was thrown into a panic attack. Jisung took the older man’s hand, closing his eyes and doing what he was told. “Okay. Hyunjin-ah, go grab him a drink.”
“Wait… what?” Hyunjin asked.
“Get him a drink,” Minho replied, squeezing Jisung’s hand to remind him to keep breathing. “It’ll calm him down… we get a couple of drinks in him, just enough to get him tipsy, and I can keep him calm enough to get the plane off the ground. Then we get him another drink or two on the plane when the flight attendants start serving, so that he’ll pass out for a while.”
“That… does not sound like a good idea…” Hyunjin began.
“We’re not getting him blackout drunk. Just enough that he doesn’t end up sending us back to the gate before we even take off,” Minho replied. “It worked the first time we all travelled together… that’s how Changbin kept him calm enough to make it through those flights.”
Jisung heard Hyunjin’s chair scrape across the tile floor, clearly indicating that the other man was going to do what Minho suggested. “Mianhe, hyung…” Jisung began.
“Don’t even worry about it,” Minho replied. “Are you calm enough to eat?”
Jisung nodded, opening his eyes and taking another deep breath before picking up his chopsticks to get something in his stomach so that he wouldn’t get too intoxicated. The last thing he wanted was to drink too much and be refused boarding. “Isn’t it a little early to be drinking, Hyunjin-ah?” Chan asked, joining their table as Hyunjin brought back the requested glass with some random alcoholic beverage in it. Jisung didn’t even care enough to find out what the drink was; all he really needed to know was that it was alcohol, and it would help him calm down.
“It’s not mine,” Hyunjin replied, setting the glass down in front of Jisung before he got back in his seat.
Chan’s face instantly contorted into a look of concern when he realized that Jisung would be the one drinking that early in the morning, something that was definitely not normal. “You can’t have alcohol with your meds, Jisung-ah…” Chan began quietly, starting to take the glass away.
“I forgot my meds…” Jisung admitted, looking away from the leader. He didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on his older friend’s face
“Oh…” Chan replied, letting his hand drop away from the glass.
“I figure if he starts off a little tipsy, it’ll be easier to keep him from going into a full-blown panic attack during takeoff,” Minho replied. “We just need to get him enough alcohol so that he’ll be calm until we can make it to Australia. We don’t have time to get a replacement for his meds before our flight leaves.”
“Yeah… but just for today, okay? Once we get there, we’ll figure out a way to get him enough of his meds to get by until we get home,” Chan replied.
“That’s fine with me,” Jisung replied, starting in on his drink as he ate to try and get it over with. Jisung wasn’t the biggest fan of alcohol, but the point wasn’t to enjoy himself - it was to take the edge off before he worked himself up so much that he could no longer actually trace the line from one thought to the next. Panic attacks were scary and exhausting, and the last thing Jisung wanted was to try and deal with that on two different flights.
“I need to let the managers know, too,” Chan added, leaving the table for a moment to go talk to the nearest manager. Jisung nodded, knowing that letting the staff know what was going on was probably the best idea; they needed to know that Jisung was about to go out in public while intoxicated, and that someone would need to find time to get him to a doctor once they landed in Australia.
“Are you going to be okay?” Hyunjin asked, as Jisung took another sip from the glass before setting it down again so that he could continue eating. “I know you don’t like to get drunk…”
“I’m not going to get drunk,” Jisung replied. “I’m going to get just buzzed enough that I don’t lose my shit on the plane, and then I’m going to sleep for as much of these flights as humanly possible. It’s fourteen hours from the time we leave here until we touch down in Sydney, and if I can sleep for at least ten of that then I should be okay…”
Jisung managed to finish the first drink fairly quickly, and Minho was quick to get him a second bottle as he finished his food. “We have like ten minutes before they call us to board… don’t drink too fast, though,” Chan instructed.
“I know, hyung,” Jisung replied, taking a few more sips out of his new drink. “I don’t know if I’m going to finish all of this…”
“Just drink what you can,” Minho replied.
Jisung was feeling fairly relaxed by the time their managers came to round everyone up and head to their gate - not drunk, but definitely not as stressed out about not having his medication as he had been when he’d first noticed the pills were missing. Minho and Chan both stuck pretty close to Jisung as the group made their way through the airport, obviously trying to make sure that he wasn’t too intoxicated to get onto the plane even though he hadn’t even finished the second drink. It felt kind of over the top, really, but Jisung did his best to just ignore it and focus on keeping himself calm.
“You good?” Changbin asked, as they finally settled into their seats. The elder man had convinced Jeongin to switch seats with him while they were going down the jetway, giving up his window seat to the maknae so that he could hold Jisung’s hand and remind him to breathe so that Jisung didn’t end up in a full-blown panic attack despite the alcohol in his system.
“Yeah… starting to feel a little anxious,” Jisung replied, as he got everything settled and kicked off his shoes before sitting down in his seat and putting on his seatbelt. Jisung forced a smile for the flight attendant that came by with a tray of drinks, thankful when Changbin immediately passed him a glass from the tray without waiting for Jisung to ask, before they both thanked the flight attendant before she headed off to the next row. “I’m not sure if it’s better or worse for me to be by the window…”
“You always take the window seat…” Changbin began.
“It’s been a while since I’ve flown without my meds, though,” Jisung replied, shaking his head.
Changbin nodded, taking Jisung’s free hand. “Breathe, okay? It’s going to be fine. I’m right here.”
Jisung nodded, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a moment, taking a sip from his drink. “I can do this,” Jisung replied softly.
By the time the flight was taking off, Jisung had finished the drink Changbin had given him and he could feel himself starting to relax again. While he still felt anxious, it wasn’t nearly as bad as what Jisung remembered dealing with before he’d gotten his prescription. It was manageable, especially with Changbin squeezing his hand and reminding him to breathe every once in a while. Jisung could feel his hands shaking, but he could breathe and his thoughts weren’t racing nearly as badly as he remembered from the last time he’d flown without his medication.
“Still doing okay?” Changbin asked softly, as the plane leveled out once they reached altitude.
“Yeah… yeah, I’m good,” Jisung replied, smiling at the older man. “Still kind of anxious, but it’s okay.”
“Let me know if it starts to get bad, okay? Just tell me what you need.”
“Thanks, hyung.”
***
“Jisung-ah… it’s time to wake up.” Jisung grunted as he felt Changbin gently shaking him awake, forcing his eyes open despite the dull, throbbing pain in his head from not drinking enough water along with his alcohol consumption for the day. “They just made the announcement that we’re beginning our descent into Sydney…”
Jisung nodded slowly, moving his seat back into its upright position as Changbin passed him a bottle of water. “Thanks, hyung.”
“How are you feeling?” Changbin asked.
“My head kind of hurts,” Jisung admitted. “The anxiety’s coming up again, but it’s still manageable.”
“Let me know if that changes, okay?” Jisung nodded, sipping on his bottle of water. While he definitely wouldn’t recommend using alcohol to deal with anxiety to anyone else, he had to admit that it had been somewhat effective. Still, he would much rather have the anxiety medication than have to relive the day’s misadventures. The flight to Tokyo had been rough, with Jisung’s anxiety at a steady six out of ten the whole way despite the alcohol in his system. Changbin had gotten a couple more drinks into Jisung during their layover, and he’d luckily been able to sleep for most of their second flight.
Jisung could feel his hands starting to shake as he felt the airplane starting to descend. It was nerve-wracking, and he immediately reached to grab Changbin’s hand. “Hey… it’s okay, there’s nothing wrong,” Changbin commented, clearly realizing what was going on and letting Jisung squeeze his hand as tight as he needed in that moment. “Breathe, okay? Deep breath in…”
The descent was definitely the worst part of the entire travel experience for Jisung; it had been too long since his last drink, and he was not doing well. The only thing keeping Jisung from completely giving into his panic attack was the weight of Changbin’s hand in his and the older man’s soft words reminding him that he was safe and he just needed to keep breathing.
Touchdown made Jisung jump, and he couldn’t help the tears of relief that started to slip down his cheeks as the airplane slowed to a reasonable taxiing speed and began to make its way to the gate. “Keep breathing, Sungie… we’re on the ground, you’re totally safe,” Changbin commented softly. Jisung nodded, finally starting to calm down. “How are you feeling?”
“I have a headache, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to look like a hot mess for the fansite cameras…” Jisung replied, forcing a smile for the older man.
“That’s what hats and masks are for,” Changbin commented, reaching out to ruffle Jisung’s hair. “We’ll get you some dinner, and then we can relax once we get to the hotel.”
“Yeah… yeah, that sounds like a good plan.”