Point of No Return

by WinglessOne

Summary:

Rey Kanata is forced into early retirement from Broadway following a freak accident. Now living a life with anxiety and desperate to cope, she takes on the adventure of a charity performance in hopes of finding her way back to the limelight again. With the help of her therapist, friends and a maddening new stage partner, she's given the chance to set herself down a new path for recovery.

Chapter 1: No Going Back Now

The waiting room was unquestionably quiet today at the Manhattan Mental Health Clinic.  Rey Kanata found herself lost in the muted ‘80s music streaming in the background. The warbling voices of The Bangles, Heart, Yes, and Tears for Fears, among the many others she actually recognized, left her tapping her toes against the worn beige carpet.  She was far from being a child of the ’80s, but it was an era that her beloved Aunt Maz favored and seemed trapped in. She had spent most of her formative life with her aunt, who was like a second mother to her.

 

Checking her cell phone for the fiftieth time in the past ten minutes, she noted it was only 11:00 in the morning, aware that she was still ridiculously early for her 11: 30-morning appointment.  Situating herself against the deep burgundy couch, she smoothed her long black skirt over her thighs. She had always prided herself on being patient. Something about therapy was always unnerving though.  She knew she needed it...but after everything else she had tried over the years, it just seemed another waste. Too much time, energy, money, resources, and people went into trying to fix her and she feared she would be broken forever.  

 

Sighing heavily, she glanced to her left at the table to see if there were any new magazines.  She had already read every single one that the office had in her previous four visits. She’d need to start bringing her own reading material to busy herself, as yet again, she discovered they had nothing new.  

 

To make matters worse, the waiting room television was always stuck muted on the Weather Channel.

 

Rey snapped her head up at the sound of the door being opened.  She was eager to see doctor Tano, and yet she was not fortunate enough to be granted freedom of her growing anxiety.  A portly middle-aged woman walked in with a rather pouty looking teenaged son. They made quite a pair, and Rey wondered what might have plagued the boy.  

 

Depression?  Bullying? Attention Disorder?  

 

She was grateful she hadn’t recognized him, as she could only imagine it would be painfully awkward to run into a student of hers at a behavioral center.  She had substituted at so many schools over the years though, it was hard to remember all of her students. Not that they would judge her, but she’s certainly judged herself enough for doing this.

 

“Rey? Are you ready, my dear?” came the soothing voice of doctor Ahsoka Tano, her current psychotherapist.

 

Rey had always admired Ahsoka for her unique look.  The woman’s naturally tanned skin and subtle accent when she spoke hinted of distinguished cultural background--as if her name hadn't been indication enough already.  

 

Ahsoka almost always wore her long platinum hair in twin braids, making her look deceivingly young.  The earthen colors she favored only accentuated her exotic look. She had a way of gliding when she walked in the most elegant manner that would make supermodels weep at the crudeness of their own walk.  Rey wondered what caused Ahsoka to pursue counseling when a woman of such exquisite beauty could have easily chosen to follow any number of career paths. Perhaps it was the nature of her kind heart and endless amounts of empathy, combined with a desire to help her fellow man?

 

Rey hadn’t even noticed the lithe woman slip into the room, she had been so preoccupied with the teenage boy.  She supposed she was lucky, as she felt like if she had to wait any longer she would simply cancel the appointment and leave.  This seemed to happen every single time. She’d arrive too early, and then grow increasingly anxious as the minutes passed by. She’d be just about ready to walk out when the doctor would make her entrance.

 

“Yes, thank you,” Rey replied, gathering her purse before standing.

 

She followed the good doctor down the hall to the third door on the left.  A part of her had wished that the office had been through the second or fourth door, as rooms with odd numbers made her uncomfortable.  She couldn’t say why or how she’d acquired the little quirk, it wasn’t anything that had ever been brought up in any of her counseling sessions.  

 

That was the least of her worries though.  She had learned to cope with that well enough on her own.  Plenty of rooms came with odd numbers, and she chose not to fixate on that detail any more than necessary.  

 

Settling on another couch, this one navy with fluffy gray and teal patterned pillows, she slipped out of her ballet flats before tucking her legs under herself where she sat.  Hugging a pillow close to her chest, she acknowledged doctor Ahsoka with a small smile.

 

“Good to see you today, miss Kanata.  How are you feeling?” Ahsoka asked as she settled against her high wing-back chair.

 

“Fine, thank you,” Rey said, keeping her response neutral and light.

 

Much like her arriving too early and getting overly anxious without proper distractions via magazines and the like, this had been a rather practiced routine.  She’d always say she was fine, even if she had just suffered the worst panic attack of her life. Or her legs didn’t seem to want to move. Or she was longing to be addicted to sleep when instead she was plagued by nightmares and sleepless nights.  

 

It all began that first night at the hospital. Whether it was the heavy medications or lingering trauma her mind kept trying to cope with, she couldn't be sure. Either way, she seemed to endlessly suffer, and no one wanted to hear about that.  Everyone liked to say that they were fine. It was the code word for “I’m normal, just like you, nothing to see here. Move along.”

 

Ahsoka gathered a pair of narrow-framed glasses up in her long fingers from her desk, perching the specs on her nose and grabbing her notepad.  She cast a warm but skeptical look over at Rey before flipping through the pages of things she had written during previous sessions.

 

“Glad to hear that, Miss Kanata.  Last time we were here I had given you a homework assignment.  Do you remember what that was?” Ahsoka queried, studying Rey’s reaction.

 

Rey kept her features set in a mask of serenity.  Her eyes were fixated straight ahead to a spot on the wall just past Ahsoka, where she appeared to be contemplating the obscure art piece behind the therapist. And yet she really was putting herself into the zone to make it through the next hour.  Her mental clock had counted down to 56 minutes at this point.

 

“Yes, ma’am.  I went to a public location and interacted with people my age.  I was social. I even indulged in a drink. Just one, a glass of Moscato.  Nothing heavy.”  

 

That had been a blatant lie that she had rehearsed many times in front of the mirror after she had woken up this morning.  Every day she wasn’t working, she had stayed home, wrapped up in books or watching a random show on Netflix. She figured the addition of a drink would make her lie more believable.  Ahsoka’s lip quivered a moment as if she couldn't decide whether to smile or frown.  

 

Had she caught Rey’s lie?

 

“Interactions with other people will free you from your self-imposed isolation, Miss Kanata.  We’ve been over this. It’s imperative you try,” Ahsoka asserted firmly.

 

“Perhaps I would be more willing to try your methods if you offered more,” Rey suggested, offering a slight shrug.  “Listen, you know everything that you need to know about me. My background and the traumatic event that lead my primary physician to believe I needed to seek your counsel.  You know every single treatment I’ve had in the past. The acupuncture. VR therapy. I’ve kept journals. I’ve gone to classes. I’m fine, just fine. I don’t see why I’m here?”

 

“That is precisely why you need to be here, Miss Kanata.  How long has it been since your accident?”

 

“Five years, eleven months, three weeks, six days, thirteen hours…” Rey began, ticking off every number on her fingers.

 

“Miss Kanata...that's enough,” Ahsoka said, cutting her off from her rambling.  “I rest my case. I mean this in the kindest way, but you need to stop obsessing over things.  The moment you can accept that it happened and you survived, the moment you’ll be willing to put yourself out there.  Interacting with others will help you to realize how much you have worth living for. It’s quite simple. Acceptance is the first step to freeing yourself from psychosis.  Then you’ll be able to make healthy choices, leading a rich life full of love and happiness.”

 

“I have that, I’m fine, I’ve told you,” Rey forced herself to smile a little brighter, raising her brows for emphasis.  If you say something enough, you’ll believe it.

 

“So you say.  You're still holding on.  Let go!” Ahsoka exclaimed, gesturing outright with her hands.  “I can’t help you if you don’t let me, and I refuse to give up on you.  I believe in you, but I need you to believe in yourself too,”

 

“I do!” Rey insisted, nodding enthusiastically.  “I’m fi -” 

 

“If you say ‘I’m fine’, Miss Kanata, I will have to ask you to leave,” Ahsoka stated flatly.  

 

Seeing that Ahsoka still wasn’t convinced, Rey’s shoulders fell in defeat. 42 minutes.  Not that Rey was watching the clock. She began braiding some of the long fringes on the pillow she held.

 

“I’m sorry.  I’m aware I’m being stubborn.  Socialization just doesn’t seem to be my cup of tea,” Rey confessed, knowing if she were honest that perhaps her doctor would recommend something else instead. 

 

“Well, perhaps you should have said that sooner.” Ahsoka was somewhat exasperated but offered a sympathetic smile.  “It’s okay, I understand. Let’s take a different approach, something that will hopefully work for you. Have you tried meditation before?  Focusing on your breathing and muscle relaxation? Perhaps those are things that will help?” she offered, jotting down notes as she spoke.

 

“I would be more open to that, certainly,” Rey agreed, for once totally on board with what her counselor recommended.  

 

Rey used to meditate regularly whenever she did yoga, but over the years she had ceased going to her favorite studio.  It was part of her self-imposed isolation, she realized now, and a part of her honestly missed the calming sessions where she could find a peace of mind while strengthening her body.  She mentioned this to her counselor and over the next half hour, they came up with a new plan for her to tackle before her next visit.  

 

Rey would reconnect with her former yoga instructor for a few weeks of private classes before gradually working up to attending regular classes with others. She would add at least an hour of meditation into her daily routine.  She was also expected to maintain a daily journal and needed to write more than I'm fine on every page.

 

“How do you feel your meds are working for you?  Have you suffered any unpleasant side effects?” Ahsoka asked.

 

“Yeah...about that.” Rey scratched awkwardly behind her ear before reaching back and smoothing her hands over her low bun, nervous as to how Ahsoka will react.  “Uhm, I’m sure you probably won't like this, but I haven’t taken my medicine.”

 

Eyes growing wide, Ahsoka’s mouth fell agape.  “At all?” 

 

Rey felt her face flush as she shook her head no, her head falling in shame.  She didn’t need to look up to know that Ahsoka remained flabbergasted, she could feel her eyes boring right through her skull.  

 

“We’re almost out of time, unfortunately, but I cannot stress the importance of combining medication with our therapy sessions,” Ahsoka explained, leaving no room for further debate over the matter. “What I’ve prescribed for you is mild, with minimal side effects.  I’ve been seeing you now for just over two months. That would have been more than enough time for your body to adapt.” Briefly, she paused, considering her next line of thought. “Rey, do you want to be helped?”

 

“I...I don’t…” Rey stumbled over her words.  She began fidgeting with the fringe on the pillow again, looking up timidly through her lashes. “I don’t know…”

 

Ahsoka’s face was full of sorrow.  Compassion poured from her, and she held out such obvious hope for Rey’s progress.  Rey felt incredibly guilty for having withheld that information for the past few weeks.  She really needed to stop lying and pretending like everything was fine. She didn’t even know why she was fighting this.  It was all very real, and she was aware of the consequences if she couldn’t allow herself to move forward in life. She needed to do this.

 

“Miss Kanata, stay with me dear, what are you thinking?” Ahsoka cocked her head in a way that called for Rey’s attention back to her. “We only have five minutes left, but I need you to focus on me.  How can I make this easier for you? Would you prefer not to be on medication?” She asked, her bright blue eyes warm.

 

Scoffing, Rey chewed her bottom lip, deep in thought. “I mean, I’m not really the expert here.  I am quite sorry that I’ve been so stubborn. I don’t know why I haven’t been honest with you,”

 

“It’s part of your self-soothing strategy,” Ahsoka assured. “You’ve built up such high walls with the lies you tell everyone, that those who are most eager to help you can’t break them down.  You can trust me, miss Kanata. Please, try the medication, and if you can get yourself back into yoga and meditate, I believe those would greatly benefit you. Take baby steps and we’ll get you headed in the right direction,”

 

“Okay.”  Rey closed her eyes and took a deep breath before muttering  “I can do this. I can do this. Zoloft. Yoga. Meditation. I can do this,” 

 

“I will see you in two weeks then?” Ahsoka asked, making a few more notes.

 

“Yes, absolutely, I’ll arrange the appointment before I leave.” Rey paused before she swung her legs over the couch.  “Do I always have to see you every two weeks, or will we ever get to a point where we can spread things out more?”

 

“That depends on whether or not I see improvement.  Do you want to push it to three weeks this time? I could wait a full month if you’d rather?  That would certainly give your medicine time to kick in as well,”

 

“I’d prefer to stretch it out a bit longer.  I think that might be what made me reluctant to follow your plans.  I have to build up the courage to try some of these things, you know.  It’s just...this is...I…” Rey stumbled over her words as she gathered her purse and stood.

 

“Rey, it’s okay.  I understand,” Ahsoka explained, resting her hand reassuringly on Rey’s arm as she led her out. “I’ll see you in a month, but if you need me for anything, don’t hesitate to call.  We can always squeeze you in sooner if necessary.” 

 

“Okay?” Rey asked, uncertainty plaguing her features.

 

“Yes.  I want what’s best for you.  If something comes up that you feel will help, don’t hesitate to try,” Ahsoka encouraged. “Be open to new opportunities.  Be kind to yourself. You can get through this!” 

 

“I can do this,” Rey repeated in affirmation, looking Ahsoka in the eyes with a determined grin.

 

She could do this.

 

---

 

“I can do this, I can do this,” she repeated slowly under her breath.  It had become her new mantra of late.

 

Rey was on her way to a small deli where she was meeting her agent, Dopheld Mitaka.  He was an unassuming agent, a bit timid at times, but he treated her well. He made sure she knew about the best roles before anyone else and landed her some incredible gigs over the years.  Back when she was ‘Broadway’s sweetheart’. Before her accident.  

 

She continued to repeat her mantra as she stepped out of the subway, shielding her eyes as she squinted against the sun.  She dug into her purse for her sunglasses before heading in the direction of her destination.

 

She felt a tremor in her leg.  A twinge of pain made her wince, her face twisting more with every step she took.  She knew it was all in her mind. The pain wasn’t there. It was stress and anxiety.  She didn’t need the pain to hold her back. It wasn’t there .  

 

Leaning against a nearby lamppost, she closed her eyes, taking several deep breaths to ground herself, noting that the pain had ceased to bother her.  Straightening her posture, she continued on down the busy sidewalk.

 

Mitaka was waiting outside the deli.  He was leaning against the wall just beyond the doors.   His eyes were hidden by round mirrored shades, his short-cropped hair was meticulously combed back and his sleek dark grey suit was pressed to perfection.  He straightened in his stance the moment he saw Rey, his lips quirking into a nervous smile. His appearance never quite matched his expressions, and Rey often wondered if he would be better received by others if he maintained more of a stoic and stern overall appearance.

 

He greeted her warmly, leaning in to kiss both of her cheeks.  “Rey, you look stunning. Has it really been so long since we’ve last seen each other?” he asked, his tone reverent as he appraised her.

 

Today she wore a simple black maxi dress, strappy sandals that were hidden beneath the layers of her skirt.  Her long chestnut hair had been pulled back into a low bun, a few tendrils hanging loose around her face. To mix things up, she wore some funky peacock feather earrings.  Rey was pleased by his reaction to her appearance, having hoped it had given the effect she was after. She tried her hardest to look as good as possible for their meeting today, as it had been months...years...since they last met in person.

  

She initially had no desire to see her agent, despite his incessant calls.  Something about her last meeting with Doctor Tano encouraged her to put on a brave face and actually agree to see him.  A meeting over lunch seemed innocent enough. Rey and her agent were friends before they had a working relationship, having both gone to high school together.  

 

Doctor Tano would be proud of her for engaging in a positive social interaction.

 

Looping her arm through his casually, she allowed him to lead her to a table inside the deli.  He continued to look suspiciously on edge, rambling slightly as they walked. Rey only half paid attention to him, as her eyes were drawn to a rather curious woman on the opposite side of the deli.  

 

The woman had vibrant violet hair and a stunning pale gray halter dress with an elaborate beaded collar.  Her wrists were adorned with silver cuffs, and she wore an elegant silver circlet in her hair. She was decidedly out of place for being in a deli in downtown Manhattan, but then again, around here anything goes.

 

It dawned on Rey that Mitaka was leading her towards this woman, and Rey couldn’t help but be startled when the woman stood.  Her height was as impressive as her overall appearance; confidence oozed out of her pores and her striking blue eyes were disarming as she gazed down at Rey.  She immediately reached out her hand to shake Reys.

 

“May I present Amilyn Holdo, one of Broadway’s finest directors,” Mitaka said, releasing Rey’s arm and encouraging her to shake hands with the extraordinary woman.  “This is Re-” 

 

“Oh, I fully know who she is,” the remarkable woman named Holdo said, cutting Mitaka off and slowly shaking Rey’s hand. “Rey Kanata.”  Her eyes gleamed with apparent admiration when it was Rey who was completely blown away.

 

How could this woman possibly know who she was after her near six-year absence from Broadway?  Rey was pleasantly surprised by this, albeit weary to have been recognized so readily. Was her look truly so unique?  Had she left that much of an impression on the general public that she could be so easily spotted in a crowd? If that’s the case, why didn’t she have fans approaching her on the street?  Perhaps this Holdo woman was being unnecessarily kind or was a fan of relic has-been performers.

 

The three of them sat together, Rey spreading her skirts out in an effort to hide her trembling hands as she settled into the wooden chair.  She glanced over at Mitaka, who gazed impassively at the menu. It was like he was deliberately avoiding looking at either of the women who he dined with.  Perhaps he knew he would be in deep trouble if he tried.  

 

Rey couldn’t decide how she felt at this moment.  

 

She was nervous at the prospect of sitting with a director, but she also furious with Mitaka who had misled her.  She had assumed it would be just the two of them eating lunch. She already had her misgivings about going out, but now she was presented with this?  Taking a sip of water from her glass, she cast a glance over at the director who wore a radiant smile.

 

“Rey Kanata,” Holdo said again, slower this time as if she couldn't believe it.  The way this woman annunciated each syllable of Rey’s last name made a shiver travel down her spine.

 

“ The Rey Kanata! You had your start in Cats , which although I haven’t seen your particular performance, I could only imagine you were exquisite as Jemima,” she gushed, gesturing with her hands as she spoke.  “Then you went on to perform in the Pirates of Penzance, Masquerade, and Nightingale ...among other things!”

 

Rey’s eyebrows shot up gradually as he heard the woman dote about the history of her various performances over the years.  No one had ever listed them off in casual discussion like that, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She picked up a crusty sourdough roll from a basket on their table and split it to spread butter over it, hoping the motion would put her mind more at ease.

 

“Oh yes, I’ve followed your career with great interest,” Holdo continued, hardly breaking for a breath.  “You’re ‘Broadway’s Sweetheart’, after all, and if I may be so bold, it is an incredible honor to be seated with you right now,”

 

“Oh--no, the honor is mine, Ms. Holdo,” Rey expressed, uncertain if she was deserving of such praise.  “That was a long time ago. Now I’m simply Miss Kanata, a substitute teacher in the city of Manhattan and the surrounding areas.” 

 

The three ordered their meals and shared idle chatter as they ate.  Rey was hoping that the earlier praise from Holdo had been incidental and that nothing more would be mentioned.  Perhaps the woman had been a friend of Mitaka’s who he decided to invite along to mix things up? Rey tried not to be suspicious.  This in no way would lead to the offer of a role. It couldn’t possibly. It has been almost six years since the last time she performed on stage.  No matter how reverently the director spoke of her, it meant nothing. Right?

 

Wrong .

 

“Rey, if you don’t mind me asking, are you familiar with The Phantom of the Opera ?” Holdo asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

 

“Certainly.  It’s a story by Gaston Leroux,” Rey began to explain somewhat apprehensively, uncertain as to where the other woman was going with this. “It’s a drama-packed love triangle tragedy of sorts between the title character, a young performer named Christine Daae, and the Viscount de Chagny, a man named Raoul who was childhood friends with Christine,” she continued to ramble on some more. “It’s been adapted into a variety of mediums over the years between film, television, even anime.  I’m aware of the musical production as well, created by Andrew Lloyd Webber.” At the comment on the famous composer, Rey noticed Holdo’s eyes light up. She swallowed nervously before asking. “Why do you ask?”

 

The violet-haired woman seemed beside herself with excitement at this moment, practically bursting as she leaned across the table and clasped Rey’s hands with hers. “Rey, have you ever considered playing as Christine Daae?” she asked, her enthusiasm was intoxicating as her vivid blue eyes locked onto Rey’s soft hazels.

 

“I...I uhm…” Rey was beside herself, shocked beyond words.  She swallowed uneasily before turning towards Mitaka, a pleading look in her eyes.  She had hoped he could be her voice at this moment, as she wasn’t ready to take on such a challenging role.

 

“Rey, I know what you’re thinking.” He began gently.  “You’ve been retired from the stage for nearly six years, you aren’t ready for a full production.”  

 

He looked between the women, taking a breath before continuing.  

 

“Hear Ms. Holdo out.  What she’s proposing is that you do a song - possibly two - for a charity event.  It’s a two-night event to maximize fundraising potential.” He assured, clearly having prepared this little speech in advance.  “I know that the charity is one that will hold particular interest for you, given what I know of your past.” 

 

How long had they been planning this meeting?  He clearly knew Rey well enough to have this speech well planned.  She had never heard him sound so eager, so determined to inform her of all the details.  He always found her the best gigs in the past, that was undeniable.  

 

Was this something he had been hunting for, to get her back into the limelight?  Or had he been approached by this Holdo woman? Either way, both looked at Rey now with sparkling eyes, eager to hear her response.  Rey took a deep breath, closing her eyes, trying to focus on something, anything other than the two people who she sat with.

 

“Okay...uhm...I need more details,” she forced out, and she was left somewhat breathless after she spoke.

 

“The event is being put on by the Skywalker Trust,” Holdo explained, seeming to have calmed down from her earlier level of excitement.  “The family is known for creating grand events that are extraordinarily successful. This time, they’re reaching back to their roots as their primary benefactor, Anakin Skywalker and his daughter, Leia Organa Skywalker Solo were both former actors on Broadway.  The Skywalkers have chosen songs from their favorite musicals, one of which is The Phantom of the Opera .  As you well know, that happens to be the longest-running production on Broadway.  It is a huge honor to be doing a number from this musical, if only for that reason alone.”

 

“Yes, exactly,” Mitaka added, reaching out tentatively, his fingertips grazing Rey’s forearm. “And Rey, the charity that they’re raising money for is Rise Against Hunger.”

 

Rey’s eyes opened at that.  Rise Against Hunger. An organization that was near and dear to her heart, something she regularly donated to and even volunteered for with packaging events.  As a child, she’d known that very same profound hunger and had countless struggles. She rose above those struggles and made her best effort to give back because she couldn’t have survived without having received handouts herself.  Taking several deep breaths, her eyes shifted from Mitaka to Holdo.

 

“One or two numbers, you say?” Rey asked, choosing her words carefully.  “What song, in particular? Will I have a partner on stage?”

 

“ The Point of No Return , and if you are familiar with the production then you’ll know that is a song sung by Christine and the Phantom,” Holdo explained, jutting her chin up upon mentioning the Phantom.

 

That piqued Rey’s curiosity and also put her somewhat at ease.  She wouldn’t be on stage alone, which was her biggest fear for her first time on stage after an almost six-year absence.

 

 Assuming she decided to do it.  

 

She was still on the fence at the moment, but between the charity, the fact that this was a two-night event and that she’d have a partner on stage pretty much put her at ease.  Yet again, Mitaka proved to be a worthy agent. Perhaps Doctor Tano was onto something with Rey putting herself out there and taking chances.

 

Rey took a thoughtful sip of her water. “Well, if I’m not mistaken, that’s a particularly sensual song.” She mused, wondering why they thought she could pull off such a performance. 

 

“You would be correct, it most certainly is quite a sexy number.” Holdo agreed, adding a decisive nod for good measure.

 

Sensuality was not Rey’s forte. It required chemistry and general know-how in the ways of love. She had been in love before, but would likely never fall again. It had been too long, and she wasn't sure if she could handle another heartbreak. She was content with being alone, able to trust herself in ways she could never trust another. Love was madness and she was already riddled with her own brand of insanity in the form of her anxieties and insecurities.

  

Returning her focus to the topic at hand, Rey posed one of the many questions that weighed on her mind.  “I’m curious as to why this particular song was chosen as opposed to say All I Ask of You or the title song?” 

 

“Well, anyone can put on a production and include those songs.  We want our production to be unique. If we can get the actor to play opposite of you that we have in mind, it will be absolutely amazing ,” 

 

“ If ?” Rey frowned.  This suddenly didn’t bode well.  “He hasn’t confirmed?” 

 

“Not yet, but we’re still in the casting process.  Rehearsals won't start for another three weeks.” Holdo explained.

 

“We wanted you to have plenty of time to consider being a part of this production.  It could be a fantastic opportunity to get yourself back out there, Rey. You don’t have to go back to icon status, but Broadway just isn’t the same without you,” Mitaka confessed.

 

“I appreciate that,” Rey stated, hoping to sound diplomatic.  

 

She paused to consider her words again, knowing she was doing little more than biding her time. She needed to tell the truth for once, but put it in a positive light. Hopefully, it would give her the confidence boost she needed if she could play her cards right.  

 

“I confess, I’m a little blindsided by this, and I’d like some time to weigh my options,” she admitted truthfully.

 

Holdo's eyes were alight with exuberance again.  “Of course! So it isn’t an automatic no, then?” she inquired, biting her lip.  

 

“We’ll see,” Rey said cryptically, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

 

---

 

The theater that she’d be spending the next several months in for rehearsals and the inevitable performance was surprisingly one she had never been inside before.  It was old and full of charm, with an inviting lobby that hearkened back to a golden era. It held surprises wherever one was to look, between the elaborate light fixtures, cozy bench seating in built-in niches and high arched stained glass windows.  

 

Rey had managed to avoid going to theaters in the past few years like the plague. She ceased supporting her old theater friends fairly early on after her accident.  The anxiety she felt at the very idea of entering that type of space was suffocating. She felt terrible about it, as her friends deserved all the support in the world...and yet.  Her anxiety crippled her in ways beyond the pain she suffered from her traumatic injury. It was like a cruel fiend, forever lurking in the back of her mind, making her second guess her every move.  She became a prisoner in her own mind.

 

Walking into the theater space itself was surreal.  Approaching it from this direction, with all the seating as an audience member would see was one she wasn’t used to seeing.  There was the main floor along with two balconies and opera boxes on either side of the stage. The stage itself was nestled comfortably with a gilded arched opening, adorned with carved cherubs and harps.  Red velvet drapes were what would separate the performers from the audience. It all seemed quite elegant and refined.  

 

A part of her wouldn’t mind simply watching this all unfold as an outsider, but she had a job to do.

 

Seeking a door to the side of the stage, she ascended a small staircase.  Just like that, she was doing something she had never imagined she would do again.  She was on stage. Stumbling over herself, the pain in her leg hadn’t been this intense since the moment of the accident itself.  Groping at her thigh, she squeezed her eyes closed, unaware that she had started hyperventilating till she heard the voice of a crew member somewhere behind her calling out in a concerned cry.  Taking several calming breaths, she stood slowly. The pain diminished significantly, but the slightest ache remained.

 

After thoroughly reassuring the unseen crew member that she was fine, she bravely paced to center stage, turning and facing where the audience would be.  Looking up, she found herself momentarily blinded by the lights. Had they always been so bright? Were there always so many?  

 

Suddenly she felt hot, breaking her gaze away from the blinding lights.  She forced herself to look at the rows upon rows of empty seats. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she began to question just why she had agreed to do this performance after all.  Perhaps it wasn’t too late? Perhaps she could tell them she made a mistake? Surely she could come up with some excuse? Or she could simply walk away and not say anything. That seemed highly unprofessional.  Perhaps Mitaka could come up with an excuse for her…

 

“Rey?” She heard the familiar voice cry out excitedly from behind. “Rey Kanata, is that you?” 

 

Apprehensive, she turned and found herself unexpectedly drawn into the arms of her old friend, Rose.

 

“Oh my God, it is you!” Rose exclaimed enthusiastically, eyes round and full of genuine surprise.  Not that Rey could blame her, really. They hadn’t seen one another in years. “What are you doing on stage? Everyone is back here gathering up for a meeting before we receive our music and roles,”

 

Rey was only able to shrug in response.  Truthfully, she had no idea where in the hell she was supposed to be going.  “I wasn’t really sure where to go, beyond the theater itself,” she proceeded to explain, scrunching her nose.  “And what do you mean, ‘receive your roles’? They didn’t give you one already?” 

 

Rose scoffed. “They gave you one already?” 

 

“Yeah, they did,” Rey explained, flushing crimson at having confessed the truth, hoping she didn’t come off as bragging.  “I’m gonna be-” 

 

Her petite friend cut her off by holding her hand up.  Biting her lip nervously, Rey feared she was in for a lecture, or perhaps some other sort of backlash.  Rose wasn’t known to be the jealous type, but time tended to change people. Perhaps Rey was special in having received her role early, although she couldn’t fathom just what would lead them to make that sort of decision.  It was more likely Mitaka’s idea to give her a role from the get-go, just so she’d be more likely to commit.  Although if it was his idea, then why would he have insisted on such a difficult role for her to get her feet wet again?  It hardly seemed like something he’d orchestrate. She couldn’t entirely put it past him though.

 

“You can tell me about it when we see everyone else,” Rose suggested, surprising Rey as she bore no malice in her voice.  She clutched onto Rey’s hand and hastily lead her off stage. “Come on, we don’t want to be late!”

 

Rey allowed herself to be pulled through the hallways and further past several rooms that she had assumed were either dressing rooms or offices.  How big was this theater?   It seemed to go on forever.  Were these practice rooms?   If so, she could suddenly understand why this theater was chosen.  It was perfect for this sort of production. Everyone could have their own space without being on top of everyone else.  

 

That put her more at ease, as she could only imagine how awkward it would be to be piled on top of someone else trying to learn different songs and not getting confused with lyrics and melodies.  How big was this production, anyway? She chewed on the inside of her cheek, wincing as the lighting changed and they were pulled into a large meeting room with several long tables.

 

Suddenly she found herself surrounded by people - her people.  All actors, actresses, singers, dancers, real performers .  Her earlier anxieties slipped away as she felt comforted by the presences of so many people she knew, or had at least heard of during her career on Broadway.  This was no longer about the performance itself, this was about the people. The family. The atmosphere.  

 

Situated on the far end of a table, she saw Finn and Poe, both actors who she deeply admired.  They stood as they saw her and Rose approaching, wide grins spanning their faces and bringing the women in for friendly hugs.

 

“How ya doing, peanut?” Finn asked, his voice muffled against her hair.

 

“Better now that I see you and Poe!” She confessed with a laugh, feeling lighter than she had in a long time.  She never expected she’d be allowed to feel this way, after being trapped in self-imposed isolation for as long as she had been.  “How’s married life treating you two?”

 

“Oh, it’s great, I can’t complain,” Finn admitted, his radiant smile reflected on his partner and also husband.  He pulled Poe into a side hug and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Especially now that I don’t have to worry about anything with Poe staying home with the kiddo.  We’re expecting another one, too, our surrogate is due at the end of September!” 

 

“Congratulations!  That’s wonderful!” Rey admitted, her heart warmed at the idea that they had made things work as a couple and were now flourishing with a family.  “Oh, and congrats on the Tony nomination for your performance. See, I pay attention to these things. I never felt more proud than I did at that moment, seeing one of my best friends nominated and finally getting the recognition he deserves.”

 

“Hey, now, Rey.  Don’t stroke his ego, you know how he gets!” Poe said with a laugh, lightly punching her in the arm.

 

Finn and Poe settled back into their seats, encouraging Rose and Rey to join them.  The conversation varied between domestic bliss and ongoing shows. They pointed out other performers they recognized, noting this was truly a diverse group of current and former actors from all walks of life.  No one seemed particularly interested in who was performing what at this point, as they were more focused on rekindling lost friendships and reveling in memories from days gone by.

 

Rey caught an overall theme from everyone, that they had moved on in their lives in ways that she never could.  Rose had married a criminal lawyer by the name of Armitage Hux, revealing her own fairytale-like story of how they met and courted one another before having an incredible ceremony in the heart of Central Park surrounded by family and friends.  

 

Rey remembered receiving a wedding invitation in the mail and had immediately thrown it away, not even bothering to RSVP.  

 

She felt guilty about that now, especially after she had learned that they just had their first child.  Rose dutifully ignored Rey’s pained expression, brushing aside her apology and went on to explain that she had auditioned for a role in the latest Cats production as a means of getting back into theater.  The casting director informed her of this production and encouraged her to try for it as well, and the rest is history.

 

Poe retired shortly after he and Finn got married and they had their first daughter via surrogate.  Beatrice was now four years old, and she had her daddies wrapped around her little finger. Poe stayed at home with her, while Finn enjoyed a very comfortable position as lead of the Hamilton production.  He had done it for several years and had just received yet another Tony nomination.  

 

Rey shared in the love and laughter of her friends, but a part of her died inside when she realized she would never have what they had.  She’d never know love. She’d never have a family, beyond her crazy Aunt Maz. That was okay, though, let them have it. They certainly deserved it.

 

“So Rey, you started telling me earlier what role you were given and I cut you off,” Rose said preemptively, lightly tapping Rey on the arm.  Rey shifted her gaze down to her petite friend, feeling her face flush again at the memory.

 

“Right, well, I’m going to be Christine Daae, and I’m singing-” Rey began, gesturing with her hands as she spoke.

 

“Shut up, no way!” Poe exclaimed, interrupting her. “You’re doing The Phantom of the Opera ?  That’s amazing!”  

 

Rey knew it had always been a favorite of his, as when they were in Julliard together, he did that as his graduating performance.  He made for a captivating Phantom, and a part of her had hoped he would be her on-stage partner. She knew he had the vocal capacity for it, after all.

 

“Are you going to be my Phantom?” Rey asked hopefully, leaning in towards her friend.

 

“God, no, I wish.  I’m singing a song from Evita with Jessika Pava.  Waltz for Eva and Che ,” he explained, nodding towards Jessika who offered a little wave in return.  “I’m sure we’ll be dancing as well, which is fine with me.”

 

“Oh,” was all Rey could say, her face falling at the notion.  Suddenly she felt anxious again. This performance would have been much more bearable if she could be paired with someone she knew, as opposed to a perfect stranger.  Her eyes fell over the gathered crowd, trying to determine just who she’d be paired with.

 

Rose looked wounded now.  “You know what you’re doing too, Poe?  And Jessika? Am I the only one around here who has not been given a role yet?” 

 

“Relax, Rose, I wasn’t given a role yet either.  Maybe they’ll pair us together too?” Finn suggested, resting a reassuring hand on hers and encouraging her to smile.

 

Rey shook her head, her expression troubled as she stared down at the table. “They wouldn’t do an entire production of duets.  Surely there are fuller ensemble or solo numbers.” She began fidgeting with her water bottle, peeling at the label. 

 

Rey glanced up at Finn, noticing him awkwardly jutting his chin at her.  He was staring just past her and she couldn’t fathom the reason why. Thinking he may eventually stop, she continued to ramble. 

 

“I still don’t understand who I’m supposed to be performing with. Why would they withhold that from me, when clearly they told you who you’d be performing with.” She motioned to Poe with her bottle before taking a hearty drink.  Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she fumbled with the bottle in an attempt to screw the lid back on.

 

Finn was still doing that infuriating gesture with his head, and Rey found her anxiety fading into new heated levels of frustration. “Listen, Finn, I’m trying to figure something out here.  Why do you keep doing that?” She jutted her chin out the same way he had as if to prove her point. “It’s incredibly frustrating and not helping in the least bit.”

 

“Turn around,” he murmured so lowly she barely heard it.

 

Letting out a frustrated huff, Rey turned around in her chair and looked behind her.  It was only then that she noticed the person standing there who had previously captured Finn’s attention, the soft haze from theater lights surrounding the newcomer created an aura that made the moment feel more ethereal. 

 

At first, all she saw was a pair of legs clad in black trousers. As her eyes continued to climb the body of the towering man in question, her expression melted from frustration to curiosity, before finally settling on wonder. 

 

His face was framed by a halo of wavy, raven locks that hung to his broad shoulders. She didn’t even remember giving a small gasp when she finally focused on his face. All she could make out was a slight portion of creamy, pale skin and an expectant smirk on a luscious set of lips that wasn’t covered by the black face mask. Judging by his piercing gaze through it, it was clear that he was expecting to see some sort of reaction from her; more so when she happened to notice the way his eyes were traveling over her figure. 

 

He was studying her as much as she was studying him. While she found herself thoroughly puzzled by him, she was also profoundly intrigued. At some moment in time, Rey had moved to stand at his side, and she realized then just how large that he actually was.  She supposed she should be intimidated by such an overwhelming and strong presence--and yet she only wanted to know more about who he was. 

 

Hearing him speak then in a smooth, baritone voice caught her by surprise. “So you’re my Christine?” 

Notes:

I'm aware that there aren't many stories that delve into anxiety. It's a serious issue that many suffer from (myself included). I think shining a light on it, even in the form of fiction, is essential to understanding others and how they feel and what they must do to cope. It isn't easy, but we do what we must.

Thank you, dear reader, for giving this story a chance. I promise, things will lighten up. It's gotta have a rocky start though. No one ever said it was easy. Thanks again for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Drop me a line here, or on Tumblr. I'm winglessone there too.

Chapter 2: No Use Resisting

Summary:

We witness Kylo's side of things, how he learns of his new role and how he experiences the initial meeting with Rey.

The line at the stage door had been particularly long tonight. Not that Kylo necessarily minded. They had a strict no photography policy, meaning all he and his fellow performers had to do was sign playbills and keep the line moving. It was something he enjoyed doing; meeting the fans face to face.  It made him and his peers stand out. It kept people coming back for more and boosted their reputations as top quality performers who were also real people that cared about their fans. 

 

The last group of girls he recognized immediately as he made his approach. They had seen the play at least four times already. Each time they got a little bolder. They’d stand a little closer as he signed, gushing about the play with a glimmer of mischief in their eyes that said other things. The first two times, he thought it was a coincidence. At this point, he forced his smile, thanking them as graciously as possible for seeing the production. 

 

He joked that they could be his understudy and give him the night off since surely they had memorized his lines by now. They were super giggly and one caressed his arm.  The bodyguard at his side stepped closer and Kylo held his hand up, gesturing for the man to stand down. The girls were harmless, despite their bold move to touch him.  

 

Let them have their cheap thrills.

 

Thanking them for a final time, he climbed into the waiting black Cadillac Escalade, giving a little wave to the crowd before closing the door. He was grateful for the tinted windows as it meant he could relax unseen. Yawning, he stretched out his legs.  Taking a deep breath to ground himself, he released it slowly.  

 

Kylo loved what he did, but he was grateful that tomorrow was Sunday and he had a day to rest and recover. He certainly needed it after that last performance.

 

Reaching into the center console, he withdrew some hand sanitizer and his phone. After thoroughly ridding himself of whatever germs he got from the countless people he just interacted with, he unlocked his phone. One message, in particular, stood out while he quickly scrolled through his text messages. It was a message from his agent, a bold and striking woman by the name of Gwen Phasma. He affectionately called her Phas, and the two of them had a strong working relationship.

 

I've got a job prospect for you. Can we meet? Call or text whenever. You know how to reach me.

 

Grinning at the idea that she was already lining up his next role, he immediately pressed the phone icon and held the phone up to his ear.

 

“Kylo, darling, so good to hear from you,” she gushed the moment their call connected. “How was your performance tonight?”

 

“It was good, I can't complain.  What have you got for me?” He asked, fiddling with a loose thread on his jacket.

 

“Something that will take you,” she paused dramatically, “out of your comfort zone.”.

 

“Color me intrigued.” he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  “Want to meet up somewhere? I’m already on the road. We haven’t made it past Times Square yet, we can meet wherever you like,” Kylo offered.

 

“Plunge Rooftop Bar & Lounge?” Phasma suggested.

 

Kylo looked down at his watch, noting it was a quarter to midnight. “Don’t they close in 15 minutes?” he asked, uncertain why she would suggest that.

 

“Kylo.  For you, they would stay open 24 hours,” she said, her tone making him smirk.  “Money speaks, darling, and everyone knows you have tons of it.”

 

“True,” he agreed with a decisive nod, even though he knew she couldn’t see since they were speaking on the phone.  “Fine, I’m gonna get out and walk. With the way traffic is right now, it’ll be noon by the time we get there.”

 

“See you in a bit then,” Phasma said as a means of ending the conversation.  

 

He heard the call end and slowly drew the phone away from his ear, shaking his head as he did so.  Leaning forward in his seat, he rested his hand on his driver’s shoulder. “Hey Joe, I’m meeting Phas so I’m gonna go ahead and walk since its nearby.  I’ll call you when I need a ride home.”

 

“Yes, sir, enjoy your time,” his driver encouraged.

 

Kylo drew his hood over his head then stepped out of the Cadillac, looking around before making his way towards the club.  When he walked in he saw it was mostly empty as the crowd had dispersed earlier. They were minutes from closing, and the waitstaff was busy refilling salt and pepper shakers, napkin holders, fluffing pillows on the plentiful leather sofas and cleaning the dark stained shiny wood floors.  The hostess took notice of him and offered a pained smile.

 

“Sir, I’m sorry, we’re about to close,” she began with her apology.  Kylo drew his hood back and her expression changed immediately. “Mr. Ren, welcome back.  Allow me to escort you to the VIP lounge. Would you like your usual?” she asked.

 

“Of course, that would be wonderful.  Thank you. I’m expecting Phasma, so send her my way when she arrives.” he explained with a smile.  The hostess returned his smile and nodded in reply.

 

Kylo settled into a quiet booth in the far corner of the outdoor lounge with a spectacular view of the city.  Reaching into his pocket he withdrew a pack of cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it. He took a long drag and blew it out in a steady stream, allowing his thoughts to drift away like the smoke. Gazing up at the sky, he wished he could see stars but the city lights were too bright.  Still, he'd rather look up as opposed to out over the city skyline, as he had had enough bright lights for one night.

 

He was long overdue for a break from the stage, as he tended to move from one production to the next. He'd only ever allow himself a break one week at a time, before delving into the next round of rehearsals.  He was curious when Phas had tempted him with the premise that she was taking him out of his comfort zone. That could mean any number of things, as he was always up for a new challenge.

 

Upon hearing Phasma clearing her throat loudly, he realized that she was standing in front of him. How long had she been standing there?  Scrambling somewhat awkwardly to his feet, he was suddenly struck with an overwhelming sense of exhaustion. Why had he agreed to meet her tonight? 

 

Oh, that's right. Because she had piqued his interest.

 

The pair shared a friendly hug in greeting before settling down into the lounge. As if on cue, a waitress approached with a tray and some cocktails.  Kylo lifted his glass, inhaling the fragrant blend of liquor, fruit, and herbs before nodding his head towards Phasma in a bit of a toast and taking a sip of his rosemary Paloma. Keeping the glass perched in one hand, he leaned away from his companion to take another drag off his cigarette.  The burning sensation in his lungs never felt quite so good as when he paired it with a tequila-infused drink. He tilted his head back and peered up at the sky again closing his eyes as he exhaled.

 

“Kylo, darling,” Phasma said softly, breaking him from his reverie, “just what do you think you’re doing smoking right now?”

 

“What?” he stated defensively, lifting his head and arching an eyebrow.  “I know, it's a terrible habit. It’s not my fault though, I started with this production, my character smokes on stage,” he explained, shrugging as he spoke.  “I can’t help it that I continue the habit off stage.”

 

“That's where you need to separate the character from the actor, Kylo.” Phasma reprimanded, shaking her head distastefully.  “Plus, who told you that you had to actually inhale?  It’s possible to fake smoking.  Or ask for less toxic cigarette props of sorts,”

 

“I know, I know.  Thanks for the lecture, mom .” His emphasis on the final word made Phasma roll her eyes at him.  

 

“I’m serious though,” she continued, not the least dissuaded from his comment. “You’re far too attractive to be killing yourself slowly like this.”

 

He snorted in response, taking another sip of his drink.  He never considered himself to be the attractive heartthrob type, and yet it's something he heard quite regularly.  He always thought he was awkward and out of place. Over the years - and especially after attending acting school - he learned to use what he had to his advantage.  He liked to express himself with gestures; tiny and subtle movements in place of obvious overdone things like his peers attempted and failed on a regular basis.  

 

It’s what set himself apart from others.  

 

He’d embrace whatever role he got into and literally become that character.  To him, that was sexy: being able to transform oneself.  That’s what made him “attractive”.

 

“You’re getting to the age where wrinkles start setting deep once they begin forming, and you don’t want those ugly lines, trust me,” she gestured at his face, lightly ghosting her fingers over his features.  “Besides, you’ll thank me for encouraging you to quit once you take your next role. You’ll need your voice.”

 

“Ok, well, given that I usually have speaking roles, that isn’t so unusual,” he explained, crossing his legs.

 

“This time, it will be different.  Your next role involves singing ,” she explained with a smirk as if she already knew what his reaction would be.  

 

He downed the rest of his cocktail in one hearty gulp, swiping his tongue over his lower lip when he finished.  “I don’t sing, Phas,” he muttered dismissively, leaning forward to set down his empty glass.

 

“That’s a lie and you know it.” she jabbed her finger at him, her brows furrowing as she narrowed her gaze at him.  “I don’t want bullshit excuses out of you, Kylo. I’ve heard you sing, and you have a damned good voice.”

 

“Sure, whatever.  Karaoke, performed while wasted, is a mighty fine indicator as to whether or not I can sing.” Now it was his turn to roll his eyes.  

 

He peered over at her, seeing she did not seem to be laughing.  On the contrary, her face was passive as she stared back at him, unblinking.  She seemed quite serious in the way she held herself, her mouth straight, jaw firm.  That made him worry. Surely, she was pulling his leg?  

 

He held her stare a beat longer before breaking away and pursing his lips for more relief in the form of filtered nicotine.  Where was their waitress? He needed another drink if he was going to have this sort of discussion. 

 

“Can we drop this so you can tell me about the real role you’ve found for me?” he eyed her suspiciously, yet her expression never changed. “Look, it’s been a very long week.  You know as well as I do that I just had my eighth performance in six days. I have no time for jokes.”

 

“You’re the one who is a workaholic, darling,” she gently accused, leaning in to pat his knee for emphasis.  “No one told you that you had to do that many shows. You could have just as easily bargained for fewer shows.”

 

Kylo scoffed. “Except you know that's not how I do things.  Especially not when its a production like this one that is a revival of an old play, and is a “limited engagement” event as well.” he thoughtfully snuffed out the remains of his cigarette, pushing aside the ashtray.  

 

To his relief the waitress came by, collecting his empty glass and handing him a fresh cocktail.  He’d have to give her an extra-large tip tonight. He needed liquid comfort. “Although I dare say, I think that was a rather genius decision on the producers part, it’s really helped to draw in the crowd.”

 

“No, Kylo, you’re the one who has drawn the crowd,” Phasma corrected.  “They’ll flock wherever you go, and that’s a fact. That’s one of the main reasons you have to do this musical event.”  She folded her arms across her chest, her knowing gaze leaving him shifting uncomfortably in his seat.  “For the record, you have no choice in this matter. You will be doing the event.  I’m just formally giving you the details out of the kindness of my heart.”

 

“ Excuse me?” he blanched, eyebrows shooting up.  “Who the hell are you, and where has my agent gone?  Right now you’re starting to sound a hell of a lot like my mother.  I don’t mean it sarcastically this time, either.”

 

“Well that's the very reason you’re doing this performance,” she explained lifting a hand to make a casual gesture.  “It’s a fundraiser event put on by the Skywalker Trust.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Kylo rested an elbow against his thigh, leaning his forehead into his open palm.  “Phas, I’m starting to get a headache now. Please tell me this is a sick joke.  I’m still waiting for the punchline.”

 

“I’m just laying out the facts.  Your mother -” she began, easing back when he glared up at her. “ Leia,” she corrected, “called and fed me all the details.  I agree with her, you have a family legacy to fulfill. You really need to stop avoiding it.”

 

Kylo huffed in response, finishing off his second cocktail before digging in his jacket for another cigarette.  Phasma plucked the pack out of his hand, setting it down on the table in front of him. He gave her a sidelong glance, pouting ever so slightly like a petulant toddler who had their favorite blanket taken away.  He just needed comfort right now. Was that so much to ask? He was so tired. Why was she doing this to him?  

 

He was starting to regret his decision to not just go straight home that night.  It had been such a terrible decision.  Now that family drama was being dragged out into the open again, making him bleed from old wounds.

 

“Listen to me.  She’s not expecting you to reveal who you really are in relation to the family...but they could use your star power to fill seats.”

 

“Why the hell didn't she just call me?” he asked, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.   

 

“Would you have answered if she did?”  Her pointed question was like a smack across his face. It felt more like an accusation.

 

“No,” he answered without the slightest hesitation.  

 

He sighed heavily, pressing his palms on his thighs for leverage as he stood up. He rolled his shoulders in a fluid motion before taking several paces away.  Without having to look behind him, he knew Phasma was still staring at him.

 

“There you go then,” Phasma exclaimed softly, almost an afterthought.

 

He leaned against a high ledge, gazing down at the people that still roamed on the streets below, despite it being an ungodly hour.  The city that never slept truly captivated people from all walks of life, catering to the creatures of the night as well as the bright-eyed tourists during the day.  He never quite knew where he fit in, but then again, as an actor, he was expected to be a chameleon. It was something his mother had emphasized for him at a young age.  

 

Be what the people need you to be at any given point in time.  They will love you forever and you can keep them wrapped around your fingers.   Her words resonated in his mind as if she had spoken next to him, and he shook his head to clear them away.  

 

It had been years since they had last spoken.  He had seen her several times in the audience at various performances.  She stood tall and proud when applauding with the rest of the crowd, a knowing grin on her face as she basked in his glory.  It was as if she had said ‘that’s all me out there, I made that.’  

 

He hated her for it.

 

Turning around slowly, he leaned against the ledge, eyes locking on his agent. “I really don’t have a choice, do I?” 

 

Did he sound as wounded as he felt?  Why was he suddenly so weak?

 

Phasma shook her head, not daring to speak.

 

“Christ, I’ve been established in the industry now for over a decade, you’d think she’d let me be my own person just once.” Shoulders sagging, he sighed again, feeling like a beaten man.  There had to be a way to salvage this to work in his favor.  

 

He thought quickly on his feet, perking up gradually as ideas began to blossom and grow deep within his subconscious. “Okay, fine , I’ll do it but under my own terms.”

 

“Name them, so that I can let her know,” Phasma offered, leaning forward expectantly.

 

“If they pick the show then I get to pick the song,” he explained, pacing as he thought up more terms.  “I want to have a stage partner, so I can feed off their chemistry. I don’t want to be a solo Solo.” 

 

He got a smile out of Phasma out of that remark.  He could tell she was trying to take him seriously and not laugh.  He appreciated it, but a tiny chuckle wouldn’t have harmed anything.  “You also need to find me a proper vocal instructor and get me hooked up with Chantix or whatever the hell that quit smoking pill is called.”

 

He ceased his pacing and stood in front of Phasma.  Chewing on his lower lips he realized that was the best he could come up with on short notice.  He gave her a determined nod as if to indicate he was finished.

 

“That’s all easily doable,” she said as if she had been expecting more from him.  If she wanted more, he could go full-diva mode and ask for more.  But he was too tired to continue along that line of thought.  “I’ll pass the information on. We’ll be in touch,”

 

“I’d say I look forward to it, but I’m not sure if I do,”  Kylo explained, dipping down to retrieve the bill that the waitress left.

 

“This will be a good thing, Kylo,” Phasma gently assured, taking the check from him and sliding her own card in,  “this will look fantastic on your resume, and I think you’ll learn that this break from drama will do you some good,”

 

“Sure, sure…”

 

---

 

One month later, Kylo found himself approaching a different theater.  This one he was familiar with, one his mother had favored over the years.  He had not been surprised in the least that this would be the place he'd spend the next two months preparing for and eventually performing in for her charity event.

 

Phasma had been quick getting back to him with details on what was expected of him. His mother had met his needs and assured him his stage partner had been expertly chosen.  While he had heard of the actress in question, this Rey Kanata , he had no desire to learn anything about her.  Rey would be just like any other actress. They would both do their jobs, maintain a professional relationship and after the two-night event was over, they'd go their separate ways. He doubted he would ever have to work with her again since this would likely be the only musical performance he'd ever do on Broadway.

 

As the weeks passed, he managed to change his usual routine of eating, sleeping, performing and exercising by adding in lessons with the vocal coach that Phasma had found for him.  He realized he actually enjoyed exploring music like this and had a rather natural talent for singing. Of course, it shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise to him, after all. Both his mother and grandfather were excellent singers.  All part of that family legacy, music was in their blood.

 

Kylo had smirked when he learned that his mother wanted him to select a song from The Phantom of the Opera.  It was the musical elevated the Skywalkers into Broadway royalty status. Anakin's performance as the lead role of the conflicted Phantom was still considered to be iconic. Many thought of it as one of the best interpretations of the character that anyone had ever performed.

 

Though Kylo had been a boy with another name the last time he saw the show performed live, he still vividly remembered it. The costumes, the songs, and the sets were all thoroughly ingrained in his memories.  While he had never seen his grandfather perform the role live, he had seen old videos and heard recordings. Anakin’s voice never ceased to amaze him. It was spine chilling, yet magical. It evoked a sense of yearning.  It transported the listener to another place.  

 

Kylo had hoped he’d be able to captivate the audience in the same way Anakin had.  That role belonged to a Skywalker man, and it would be a Skywalker man performing it once again - if only for a night or two.

 

Now, he couldn’t help but wear a sad smile at the thought. 

 

Shaking himself of his memories, he made his way through the vast labyrinth of corridors in the theater.  The cast was asked to meet in the large conference room, where Luke Skywalker would undoubtedly give some fantastic speech to rally the performers.  

 

When he heard Luke would be there, Kylo nearly backed out entirely.  His mother had convinced him that his uncle wouldn’t be around all that often, but she couldn’t do an event like this without his help.  He was her twin after all, and they did almost everything together, especially as they both grew older. The only thing he didn’t do is perform.  Luke hadn’t inherited the mighty Skywalker musical talent that Anakin, Leia and now Kylo seemed to possess.

 

Slipping quietly into a side door, Kylo scoped out the room.  He was surrounded by strangers. A few people he had recognized from having seen them on posters and advertisements of various productions.  Still, it left him uncomfortable, wishing he could be anywhere but in this room at this moment. He spotted his uncle chatting animatedly with a violet-haired woman whom he immediately recognized as his mother’s best friend, Amilyn Holdo.  Not surprising that she would be directing this production. Luke stilled and quieted upon realizing he was being watched. As Kylo approached from the shadows, Holdo wore a smug grin, looking him up and down.

 

“I knew you’d be here,” she said, nodding towards him.

 

“Not by choice,” he answered, staring pointedly at Luke, as if somehow through the bond they shared as twins that his mother would feel ashamed for having forced her son’s hand and perhaps realize the error of her way.

 

“So, you chose the Point of No Return ?  Very sexy.  Want to see the actress I paired you with?”  Holdo asked, taking a step closer to Kylo and resting a hand on his shoulder.

 

“No time like the present, I guess,” Kylo said with a shrug.

 

“She’s over…” Amilyn’s eyes searched the crowd, brightening as they settled upon the person in question. “There,” she said, pointing.  “That’s Rey Kanata. Ravishing, isn’t she? Has the perfect look for the role, and just wait till you hear her sing!”

 

Kylo followed Holdo’s gaze and outstretched hand, and his eyes settled upon quite possibly the most stunning woman he had ever seen in his entire life.  She had such soft, expressive hazel eyes that seemed to light up whenever she smiled. Her smile was enough to make his heart skip a beat. The little dimples on her cheeks and the slight wrinkle to her nose whenever she smiled and laughed made her seem so young and carefree.  Her chestnut hair was pulled back into a neat and tidy bun, but it was thick, and he imagined if she wore it down it would be quite long. Having dressed head to toe in black, much as he had, she was a woman clearly after his heart. She wore black well as if she was painted into it.

 

He hadn’t been aware that he was walking towards her till he heard a ripple of laughter erupt from the group she was interacting with.  Something sweet and melodic resonated above all the others. If her laugh was this sweet and endearing, how would her voice sound? He had to get closer, to introduce himself, and yet he hadn’t the foggiest idea of how to do so.  Normally meeting another person wouldn’t be this much of an issue for him. After all, he interacted with fans nearly every single night following a performance.

 

Performance .  This is all about performance.  Of course!

 

Patting down the front of his suit jacket, he reached into one of the pockets and pulled out a black and silver mask that he had taken from Anakin’s collection.  Perhaps if he hid behind the character, it would be easier to approach the woman who would be his partner for the next few months. Tying the mask securely behind his head without messing with his hair too terribly much, he approached her from behind.

 

This woman truly didn’t have a bad angle, did she?

 

Kylo noticed one of the people sitting with her was none other than Finn Storm, a fellow Tony nominee for his role in Hamilton .  They had met on several occasions over the years, and he seemed like a decent enough actor.  Respectable with what he did. He was one of Rey’s friends? Must be an excellent judge of character.  

 

Now standing within mere feet with her, Kylo couldn’t think up a single witty thing to say.  Couldn’t even think of much of anything .  He was certain he’d come off as an awkward, fumbling fool; even with the newfound confidence he had gained from wearing his grandfather’s old mask.

 

When she turned, it was amusing to see her response.  The way her eyes roamed as she took him in. He was doing the exact same thing to her, and he couldn’t help but smirk.  He recognized that glint in her eyes. She was interested in him. Or at least curious. He knew he had to say something fast before the silence became deafening.

 

"So, you're my Christine?" He asked, kicking himself mentally for not coming up with something more clever.

 

She had stood at some point, continuing to gaze up at him in an awestruck manner.  It seemed she was also at a loss of words, and he realized he probably needed to do something about it.  Especially now that everyone who she was seated with was staring at them and waiting on baited breath.

 

Placing one hand on the front of the mask and reaching back with the other to untie it, he carefully removed the mask, figuring that was a good place to start.

 

"You'll have to forgive me for being on the dramatic side. It gets the best of me at times," he confessed, chastising himself again for being so awkward. That feeling was back. The small nagging feeling that always pulled at the base of his throat and made his chest feel tighter than it should. Like panic attacks he had had as a child, but not as bad. 

 

This wasn't a bad feeling, no, but it was still an unwanted one.

 

"Aren't we all?" Rey asked, the subtle lilt of her British accent making her sound almost shy.  They shared a small smile, and Kylo glanced past her briefly to see everyone was still staring.

 

"Indeed," he agreed with a nod, his eyes hardly straying from hers for more than a moment.  "I'm Kylo, by the way. Kylo Ren," he added as an afterthought.

 

"Rey Kanata," Rey offered politely, holding out her hand for him to shake.

He was surprised when he touched her hand, taking a low inhale as she gasped, electricity sparking between their fingers before they make contact. He wanted to withdraw his hand, withdraw his mind and his entire being from this place right that instant but instead he closed his hand around hers. Looking down in confusion he realized that yes, that was really her hand enclosed in his, small and bony like that of a child's hand. 

 

The handshake was over as quickly as it began, and yet it felt as if it was grossly more significant for some strange reason.  Pulling himself from his thoughts he shook the hair from his eyes as he looked her over once more.

 

"I’m sorry if its a little forward of me to be asking this, but are you new to the Broadway scene?" She queried apprehensively, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.  "I've never heard of you."

 

Kylo scoffed at that, a little less enchanted by her then he had been previously.  Was she trying to be funny, or was she serious?  It was hard to tell with her angelic expression and charming voice.  Regardless, he felt a storm brewing deep within at having been so thoroughly insulted.  Gritting his teeth, he considered what would be an appropriate response.

 

"Oh no, I'm not new by any means," he began tersely, trying to keep an air of calmness.  "I'm a method actor and typically involved in more traditional theatrical productions as opposed to musicals .  I'm trying something different for a change,”

 

Ironic how he made it seem like this was his idea, to be a part of this musical charity event.  Far from it. She didn’t need to know the truth though.  He was aware he likely insulted her by the way he sneered when he said ‘musicals’.  As if what she did was lesser than what he did. Tit for tat. In the end, they were both actors, performers for the masses; entertainers.  Right now, they seemed to be entertaining each other, as her eyes narrowed in response to his subtle insult. 

 

 Maybe she wasn’t that bad after all.

 

Kylo opened his mouth to speak again when the familiar voice of his uncle was projected over the hum of ongoing conversations throughout the room.  Looking over at the man in question, he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Kylo and Rey settled down at the table, watching intently as Luke began expressing his enthusiasm for the production.  

 

Luke was an excellent frontman for the Skywalker Trust.  He knew just what to say to rouse even the soberest crowd.  Fortunately for him, it didn’t take much with this bunch. It seemed that the people in the musical theater community were easily excitable.

 

Glancing around at the others in the room, who were practically on the edge of their seats and hanging onto Luke’s words, Kylo suddenly felt guilty.  He really had no right to judge them. They were all here for the same reason. To share the art that they loved and to raise money for a needy foundation.  He had been so blinded by his own selfish interests in avoiding his family and their legacy that he had completely dismissed them.  

 

Why should he judge these people for the sins of his cursed family?  To lump the people in musical theater into a category. It was wrong of him to be so pretentious.

 

Then there was Rey.  In a short amount of time, she had managed to arouse a great many emotions out of him.  It all began by her having rendered him completely speechless by her mere unassuming and quite frankly, attractive appearance.  

 

Now that he had time to mellow out his initial reaction to her perceived insult, he realized she hadn’t meant any harm.  She was genuinely curious and trying to make conversation. He was too quick to react and assumed the worst, simply out of prejudice for the community she just so happened to be a part of.  He had to make amends before they were to part ways if they were to make it through these next few months.

 

After Luke had finished his rousing speech, Holdo and several other crew members began going throughout the crowd interacting with those gathered and presenting them with music.  Kylo saw this as the perfect opportunity to apologize since everyone else was too distracted to pay any attention to his interaction with Rey. Leaning in close, he tried to look as sincere as he could manage, hoping to convey the appropriate level of emotion without coming off as fake or insincere.

 

“I’m sorry if I came off as a bit of an asshole.  I’m out of my element here,” he confessed with a heavy sigh.  “That, and I’m a bit tired as I have an incredibly hectic schedule with my ongoing production.” He knew it was an excuse, but hopefully, she would understand.  Her expression softened significantly, and she seemed simultaneously relieved and pleasantly surprised by him making his apology.

 

“Ongoing production?” she echoed softly.

 

“There are only two weeks left,” he assured her, perceiving how she visibly began to relax. “It may impact some of our initial rehearsals, but if you can bear with me I can assure you I’ll double my effort and together we can create a spectacular performance that is sure to impress,” he could almost guarantee right off the bat that it would be beyond spectacular.  But he didn’t want to sound too cocky.

 

“I may just hold you to it,” she said, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

 

Notes:

So is there hope for these two? Will they get along, or will they hopelessly butt heads throughout the whole process? Has Kylo met his match in Rey? What do you think will happen next? I'd love to hear your theories

Chapter three is already halfway written. This one progresses things quite nicely, I think. If you enjoyed this, tell your friends! If you're on Tumblr, say hello :) I'd love to chat about things with you, whether it's the story, EPIX or anything else that strikes your fancy.

Thank you to my lovely beta, Nite0wl29 and to my lovely readers. You all keep me going. I appreciate the support <3 Until next time!

Chapter 3: Where Speech Disappears into Silence

 

Time seemed to breeze past Rey's questionable and somewhat ill-fated meeting with her incorrigible new stage partner. Ten days came and went quicker than she could have anticipated.  She had several short and somewhat unsatisfying rehearsals with Kylo. They made little progress toward building a rapport or establishing any kind of working relationship.  

 

Having to work around someone else's schedule left much to be desired; Rey found herself physically exhausted and mentally fatigued.  Sometimes, thankfully, Kylo’s schedule left her a little room to breathe. On the days he had two performances, she’d focus on her yoga and meditation or return to the book she had been reading. She even managed to do some meal planning.  

 

Surprisingly, she enjoyed cooking for both herself and Kylo. It also improved Kylo’s mood.  It seemed that a good home-cooked meal made him a little more tolerable.

 

On one of Kylo's busy days, Rey had therapy.  Doctor Tano praised her for sticking with the plan they had cultivated.  Ahsoka seemed exceptionally proud of her for taking on a new performance, a reaction Rey was secretly hoping for.  Rey truly wanted to improve her life, and she knew she needed to start with herself.

 

More time with friends was one thing she knew would help.  Thankfully, Rose was always more than willing, no questions asked.  The two had always been close, despite Rey’s having drifted away during her self-imposed isolation, but Rose never held that against her.  Rose was by far one of the most compassionate and understanding people Rey had ever known.  

 

Which was exactly what led her to ask Rose to join her on this particular night.

 

"Thanks for agreeing to see this show with me on such short notice,” Rey said, embracing her petite friend before turning to hold the theater door open for her.  “I couldn't imagine going alone."

 

"No problem!  I really wanted to see this show, so honestly, I'm happy you asked," she explained with a decisive nod before adding,   "Plus, it gives Armie more time to bond with the baby."

 

"That's really sweet," Rey replied thoughtfully, following Rose upstairs to the theater’s lounge area.

 

The two friends shared a warm smile at the mention of Rose’s family.  The evening after they discovered they would be performing together in the charity event, Rose invited Rey to dinner to meet Armitage and their daughter Paige.  Rey was affectionately dubbed Paige’s aunt from the get-go, as she had single-handedly calmed the fussy infant and managed to put her to sleep with little effort.  Rose doted upon “Aunt” Rey as much as she could from that moment on, stating she was a natural and hoped that Rey would someday have children of her own.

 

They approached a bar in the lounge, both ordering glasses of wine and settling on barstools.  Rey was bitterly amused that she was now drinking a glass of Moscato, the very wine she’d lied about drinking a month ago in therapy with Doctor Tano.  

 

"You said you wanted to see this production?" Rey prodded gently as she nursed her glass of wine. 

 

Rose took a generous gulp of her Pinot, nodding with approval.  "Yeah, I mean, who hasn’t? The critics are going crazy for it. It's taken Broadway by storm. Kylo's reviews alone are phenomenal,” she gushed, taking another gulp of her wine.  “I think it's really great that you want to support him like this. Does he know you'll be here tonight?"

 

"No, I thought I’d surprise him--that way if I don't like it, I won't have to say anything to him later," Rey confessed, biting her lip and fidgeting with the stem of her wine glass.

 

"Do you honestly think you won't like it?  Wow." Rose admonished, shaking her head distastefully.  She finished her first glass and quickly ordered another.

 

Rey shrugged lightly in response.  "Well, critics often go crazy over bad performances," she offered weakly.  

 

She wasn’t sure if that was a legitimate excuse.  Was she really expecting to hate it? Did she have such low expectations of her stage partner that she’d automatically dismiss his performance before ever having seen it?  She knew so little about the show, so little about him for that matter, beyond the fact that his near-constant mood swings drove her insane.

 

"Trust me,” Rose began, making an offhand gesture, “a friend of mine saw this last month and she said -"

 

"Oh my God, are you Rose Tico?" a young woman with bright blue hair asked, her arm threaded through the arm of a stunning strawberry blonde.

 

"Yes, I am!" Rose exclaimed with a radiant smile, turning towards her apparent fans.

 

"Can we take a picture with you?" the blonde asked, abuzz with excitement.

 

"Sure! You two lean in with us, raise your glasses--" Rose turned completely on her barstool, leaning her back against the bar and wrapping an arm around Rey, beckoning for the other two women to join them.

 

"Oh no,” the blue-haired woman scoffed, “we don't need your friend with us; just you ."

 

Rey said nothing, pressing her lips together in a firm line.  She supposed she should have expected that she wouldn’t readily be recognized, having been away from the scene for so long.  Somehow, she couldn’t help but feel slighted. The fan didn’t have to be so rude .  Rey suddenly felt as if she wasn’t there.  Or if she was, she was merely furniture, something meant to be overlooked.  Perhaps it was what she deserved--after all, she’d abandoned this life. Who was she to think she’d simply slip back into it?  There would always be complications somewhere.

 

Perhaps coming tonight was a bad idea.

 

"You idiot, don't you know who that is?” the blonde remarked, smacking her friend lightly in the arm.  “That’s Rey Kanata!” she said, rolling her eyes before turning towards Rey and leaning in. “I thought you died?" she whispered conspiratorially.

 

Rey flushed bright crimson, uncertain about how to respond.  "No, I'm very much alive,” she stated.

 

"Yep, we’re all alive, fancy that!” Rose chimed in an effort to clear the tension in the air.  “Let's get this picture taken and we can sign autographs too, if you like?"

 

The four women leaned in together, the blue-haired one standing at Rose’s side and the blonde next to Rey.  A passing waiter offered to get their picture when he noticed them fumbling with their cell phone.  

 

Rey put on her best stage smile, realizing that it was something she’d need to get used to doing again.  Although, if she were to be honest, she’d smiled more in these past two weeks than she had in years.

 

"You're the best, Rose! We loved you in the Mean Girls Musical !" the blue-haired one gushed, eyeing the napkin that Rose signed before begrudgingly passing it to Rey to sign. "Sorry for not recognizing you,"

 

The apology hardly sounded genuine, but Rey accepted it for what it was.  At least the blonde seemed gracious, asking Rey for a hug. Rey was never much of a hugger, but in this moment she felt she earned it.  

 

"Are you here to see Daddy?” the blonde asked upon releasing Rey from her embrace, “This play is so good and he is amazing .  We’ve already seen it three times and we can’t get enough!  It’s too bad that it’ll be done in a few days."

 

"I'm sorry, Daddy… ?" Rey asked, feeling as if she had missed a memo somewhere.  

 

The blonde continued to ramble about just how incredible Kylo was and Rey tuned it out, as it was starting to get a bit overwhelming for her.  Shortly after, the other young woman began adding in her two cents and Rey had had enough. 

 

Her chest felt tight and she was uncomfortably hot. A wave of dizziness came over her, and she nervously began scanning the room, in hopes of locating a bathroom.  Surely, that was a valid excuse to use to get away from the overly exuberant fans. Her head throbbed and their voices seemed to echo as her panic rose. Yet, beneath the rising anxiety, she felt an undeniable wave of curiosity.  

 

The one had called Kylo “Daddy,” so did that mean she was his daughter ?  The girl seemed too old and didn’t really resemble Kylo in the least, but Rey had to know.  Not that it necessarily mattered so much, but it gave her something to focus on to try to cope with the situation that left her frazzled beyond words.

 

Ever the observant friend, Rose seemed to take note of Rey’s discomfort and said her goodbyes to the girls, leading Rey toward a restroom after having left her wine on a nearby table next to an attendant.

 

The bathroom wasn’t nearly as full as the lounge, but there were still a few women touching up their makeup and swapping stories about their experiences with previous shows.  Rey heard Kylo’s name mentioned so many times it seemed as if it were echoing in her ears on perpetual repeat. There was no escape and it was maddening.

 

Yet she still couldn’t get over the fans they had taken a picture with.  She closed her eyes and counted slowly, breathing the way her yoga instructor taught her to whenever she felt the need to clear her mind.  

 

Feeling grounded once more, she leaned in closer to Rose and whispered "Does Kylo have a daughter? He looks too young to have a child that old."

 

Rose seemed confused for a moment, but it quickly dawned on her what Rey meant. "No, he doesn't have any kids that I know of. Have you never called a man ‘Daddy’ before?  Armie loves it when I do."

 

"Yes, but he's your husband and the father of your child,” Rey pointed out, digging through her purse to double-check their seats on the tickets.

 

"Not Daddy like that.” Rose chided with a huff, rolling her eyes.  “Honestly, Rey."

 

Rose looked at Rey expectantly, as if Rey should pick up on what she meant.  Rey remained oblivious, raising her eyebrows and gesturing with her free hand.  "Like how, then? I never knew my father,"

 

"Like in the bedroom ,” Rose whispered, leaning in closer to Rey as she spoke.  “You've never called a man 'Daddy' during sex?"

 

"Oh my God, is that girl sleeping with Kylo?" Rey inquired a little too loudly, practically jumping back, earning a few glances from nearby women waiting to relieve themselves before the show.

 

"No,” Rose quickly said, looking around apologetically at the other women who eyed Rey curiously.  “She probably wants to though,”    

 

It had been Rose's turn to enter a stall, and Rey went to the next one when it was available.  The two friends met at the sink and washed their hands in amicable silence. Rose began retouching her lipstick, glancing peripherally at Rey.  “Seriously, you've never heard anyone refer to a sexy man as ‘Daddy’?" She queried, picking up on their previous conversation.

 

"I guess not…?"  Rey offered with a shrug, smoothing her hands over her hair.

 

"Sweet summer child,” Rose sighed, looking upon Rey with a sad expression.  She glanced down at her watch and then gestured for Rey to follow. “Come on, let's head down to our seats. The show starts in five minutes."

 

Rose collected her glass of Pinot from the attendant and then she and Rey made their way through the theater, past the slowly moving crowd, till they found their row and seats.  Rey assumed that since they were seated in Row C that they’d be the third row in from the stage. Apparently, not only did Row A not exist, but the seats themselves were mere feet from the stage.  

 

As she settled into her seat, she noticed she was practically at eye-level with the stage itself, and it would likely feel as if she were a part of the production itself.  All the theaters she’d worked in previously had a bit of distance between the stage and audience - most likely since there was an orchestra that would perform the music as the production went on.  Not in this case. It made for an incredibly intimate feel to the whole thing, especially when she took in the set itself.

 

At center stage was an old-fashioned couch with a brocade pattern in faded red with a few pillows and a throw blanket.  Nearby was a rather uncomfortable-looking mustard-colored chair and a low coffee table littered with books and an ashtray.  On the other side of the couch were a table and lamp. Other set decorations included a small kitchenette to one side with doors leading to other rooms and a dancers’ bar.  Opposite that was a larger door with a rather intricate-looking locking mechanism, a coat rack with coats and a small wooden chair. The entire set was backed by impressive windows and a view of Manhattan beyond.

 

Humming softly to herself, she cast her eyes to her lap where the playbill rested.  Holding it up, she regarded the cover in which Kylo and the actress she assumed was Zorii Bliss lying together on a couch.  It was an incredibly intimate photo, and Rey couldn’t help but blush, realizing she was staring at him more than at the pair of them together.  The softness of his expression, particularly his eyes, left her feeling…

 

She didn’t realize she was stroking one of her fingers over his hair on the image until she heard Rose clear her throat.  “That's some picture, isn’t it? I’m not gonna lie, Rey, Kylo looks really sexy there.  You are one lucky woman that you got paired with him for our performance,”

 

“ Rose !” Rey admonished, snapping her head over to eye her friend who wore a knowing, somewhat cheeky grin.  Just then, the lights began to dim over the audience, and a woman appeared at the base of the stage not far from where they sat.

 

“We would like to welcome you all to the production of Burn This .  Please silence all your phones.  Remember, there is to be no photography or recording of any sort during this production.  We do not want to distract the actors, nor ruin the experience for anyone else. The show will begin once this last song is over,” the woman explained, politely yet firmly.

 

Rey quickly silenced her phone, setting it in her bag and tucking it on the floor next to her feet.  The stage went dark as the Bangles’ Hazy Shade of Winter played, and Rey noticed the subtle movement of someone crossing the stage and settling on the floor by the sofa.  She heard the flick of a lighter, saw the flame briefly before the cherry of the cigarette glowed bright red. The acrid scent of smoke wafted towards the audience as the music shifted to another song and the lights on stage raised to reveal the actress Zorii Bliss - playing the dancer named Anna.  

 

She looked disheveled in a short black dress.  Her hair was a mess, her makeup bleary, and tears stained her cheeks.  Her hands shook as she took another puff from her cigarette, seeming to come to life when she heard a knock on the door.  She didn’t move for a moment and simply stared at the door. A moment later, another louder knock led her to rise from the floor as she went to open the door that presumably led to the exit of her loft apartment.

 

It went on from there, and Rey became enraptured with the show.  Anna was distraught, having lost her roommate and dance partner in a freak boating accident.  She was comforted by her boyfriend, a man called Burton, then was later joined by her other roommate, another man named Larry.  The trio played off each other's energy quite well, creating a true sense of camaraderie among them, making their performance seem believable.  Rey related to Anna immediately when faced with the tragic and unexpected death of a loved one.  

 

She found that despite the seriousness of the topic, there were also great moments of comic relief.  Larry’s character, in particular, was a breath of fresh air, and she could tell that he truly cared for Anna’s well being.  He sashayed about dramatically in an effort to lighten Anna’s mood. All the while, there was a fourth character who had yet to make his appearance.   

 

The stage went dim, then was slowly illuminated, indicating a change in scene.  The sound of someone pounding on the door made Rey jump and that's when she knew.  This was Kylo’s grand entrance as the character Pale.

 

What an entrance it was.

 

Anna hesitantly opened the door and was practically knocked aside as he stormed onto the stage, ranting and raving about parking spaces and how idiotic people in New York could be.  Rey totally felt for Anna at this moment as she found herself pressed back into her seat, a hand drawn to her chest in an effort to brace herself somehow.  

 

From there, the performance quickly got interesting.  Kylo acted with an intensity that was beyond impressive.   The audience responded well to him, and Rey soon found herself just as engaged as the rest.  He went through a broad spectrum of emotions as the scenes unfolded. Rey found herself somewhat breathless as she witnessed such a passionate and revealing performance.  When the stage lighting dimmed, the heat in her cheeks rose.

 

Just like that, act one was over. It felt way quicker than she had anticipated.  The audience applauded heartily. The music rose again, as did the house lights, indicating it was time for intermission.  Rey looked over at Rose, who wore another knowing grin as she regarded Rey.

 

“You look like you need a drink, honey,” Rose said, nodding her head as she spoke.  She stood and offered her hand to Rey, gently pulling her up to stand at her side.

 

“Or something…” Rey murmured as she turned, looking up over the audience that meandered about.  Some headed toward the lobby, others toward the bar, others still toward the restrooms.

 

“What do you think of the performance so far?” Rose asked, looking at Rey over her shoulder as she guided them towards the bar.

 

“I think it’s brilliant,” Rey admitted without a moment's hesitation, hardly needing to exaggerate the way she felt.  “Kylo is... intense … but I already expected that to some degree.  I have a better understanding of him now, though, based on how much he pours into his performance,”

 

“And to think, you were afraid you wouldn’t like it!”  Rose accused.

 

“Well, who knows.  The second act could be terrible,” Rey said weakly, playing it off with a laugh before placing another order for another drink.

 

“I highly doubt it will!  You’re just afraid to admit he’s a better actor than you anticipated,” Rose exclaimed, raising her glass slightly before taking a more thoughtful sip of wine than her greedy gulps from earlier.  Rey knew that Rose was beyond buzzed at this point and was wise for slowing down.

 

After some more light conversation, the two friends drifted back to their seats, anticipating what the next act offered. 

 

In the second act, it seemed everything was heightened in comparison to the first act. Life progressed for the characters, and while Anna and Burton grew closer, Anna clearly hadn't forgotten about Pale. When he showed up again, there was obvious confusion between the other three.  Larry knew Anna and Pale’s history, whereas Burton did not.

 

It was a huge shock to Rey, as well as all who observed when it came to physical blows between Burton and Pale, who fought over a girl as if they were hormonal teenagers rather than grown men. 

 

As the play continued, Rey became lost in Kylo's performance. His presence dominated everyone else on the stage, and yet he never seemed to upstage anyone. He was fierce, demanding, hilarious, sexy, and at times, vulnerable. He poured out so many emotions, and his expressions were so vast--his eyes alone bore more passion than anything Rey had ever witnessed.  She sat in stunned silence, captivated by every word, watching as an outsider rather than the seasoned stage actress she was.

 

When the show finally ended and the cast appeared before thunderous applause, Rey was one of the first to leap up to give a standing ovation.  They bowed and bowed, Zorii joking with Kylo that it had been enough already and waving him on. He held the stage door, allowing the cast to exit before him, giving a final wave to the audience before exiting himself.

 

Rey stared at the closed door a beat longer than she likely should have, waiting on bated breath as if it might reopen and he'd appear again.  As if she wouldn't be seeing him the next day for rehearsals. Shaking her head at her careless thoughts, she surprised herself by actually wanting more. All because she saw him in his element, acting his heart away.

 

She glanced down at Rose who was gazing up expectantly, with a smug grin on her face.  "You want to see him again, am I right?" she asked, her tone a bit too knowing for Rey's liking.

 

"Maybe… possibly… I don't know?" Rey replied, fumbling over her words as she gathered her shawl and purse, making sure she hadn't lost the playbill.  "I mean, I'll see him again in rehearsal tomorrow," she casually added with a shrug.

 

"The show isn't over yet," Rose suggested slyly, tugging Rey impatiently towards to the exit.

 

"What do you mean?" Rey queried, lifting her skirt with her free hand in an effort to avoid tripping.

 

Rose led her through a side door by the main exit, down a small stairway to the elaborate lobby of a hotel. The floors were black marble, the walls faced in dark green quartz, with massive paintings depicting mystical scenes of Greek mythology. Rey hardly had time to notice them all as Rose guided her along the swell of eager bodies to another exit out to the street.

 

To her right, she saw the rear awning for the theater and the Stage Door.  Rey gasped at what she saw next. There was a line...a seemingly endless line of theatergoers was eagerly waiting.  

 

She and Rose slowed their pace as they made their way to the end of the line. With a smirk, Rey noted the blue-haired fan of Rose's and her stunning blonde friend. The friend gave a wave to Rey in passing, while the other carried on with a story she had been telling.

 

A good fifteen minutes or so passed, with Rey and Rose standing just beyond the line before a swell of cheers broke Rey from her reverie and halted Rose in her latest story about Paige.

 

"Now for the real show," Rose murmured, winking at Rey before making a subtle jerk with her head.

 

"Real show?" Rey parroted, following Rose's gaze till she saw Kylo, interacting with his fans. Cameras flashed all around as he and his fellow castmates thanked their fans, offering handshakes and autographs.

 

Rey was in awe at how Kylo managed to do his best to look each fan in the eyes, offering kind and grateful smiles, sharing laughs when appropriate and in general coming off as incredibly gracious.  This truly was the real show, only Rey knew Kylo wasn't acting. He put on a more personable image, as had she to an extent, and yet he never seemed more in his element then he was when interacting with his fans.

 

Before Rey realized he was there, Kylo was standing in front of her, claiming her playbill from her hand and signing it.

 

"Well if it isn't the Angel of Music.  Come to see the darker side of Broadway, no?" He teased with a slight chuckle before turning toward Rose.

 

His voice sent a shiver down her spine, and her body responded curiously to his mere proximity.  "Hello, there," Rey offered, a beat later than she intended, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks.  

 

"We loved the show; you were amazing," Rose complimented, smiling up at Kylo, totally at ease with him as if they were old friends.

 

"Why, thank you.  I appreciate you two taking the time to come out and support me," he said, casting a fleeting glance at Rose before returning his attention to Rey.

 

She gazed up at him, feeling momentarily shy when their eyes locked.  "It's what any good partner would have done," she said, her voice surprisingly steady despite the thundering of her heart.

 

A slight breeze blew between them, loosening Rey's shawl from her shoulders and revealing the neckline of her dress.  He glanced down with a bit of a smirk, tossing aside his hair when it blew in his face.

 

"You're aiming to be the best, aren't you, Angel?" he said, making it seem less like a question and more like a challenge, keenly observing her as his fellow castmate signed her playbill.

 

"Maybe," she uttered after offering kind thanks to his castmates and dutifully leaning in to kiss them on both cheeks.

 

Kylo lingered a bit longer at her side, and she felt his eyes tracking her every movement.  He seemed quite oblivious to the fangirls that had just approached him, despite the line having dissipated.  Rey was somewhat embarrassed at having stolen his attention, uncertain as to what left him so entranced.

 

"I really do appreciate you coming out to see me," he said, his voice a little soft after his earlier playful, almost seductive tone.  "I'll see you in the morning,"

 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," she replied in earnest, already eagerly anticipating their next rehearsals, and wishing they could simply begin now. 

 

She knew that line of thought was ridiculous.  Yet, at their current proximity, and especially following such an electrifying performance, Rey didn't want to leave his side. She quickly admonished herself for having gone there. This was Kylo--her stage partner and a respected actor. Nothing more.

 

Turning slightly, she watched him climb into his waiting car and speed off into the night.  Glancing down at her playbill, she read what he had written there. 

 

For my Christine

My Angel

Kylo

 

His angel.  He had called her that, hadn't he?  She shook her head again, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips. The phantom always called Christine his angel of music and claimed to be hers as well. So, there it was. Kylo had shown with a great flourish that he hadn't forgotten who he was to her and what they were meant to do. 

 

She was only idly aware that Rose was talking again and that they were walking down the brightly illuminated sidewalk, toward Times Square.  The friends bought some large pretzels from a street vendor, taking in the crowds still slowly dissipating from other shows that had been letting out.  They laughed as they observed the vast array of people dressed as Disney characters and superheroes who beckoned tourists to come to take pictures with them. All in all, it was an unexpectedly good night--the best Rey had had in longer than she could remember. 

Notes:

So, is Rey having a change of heart now that she's seen Kylo in his element? What do you think that will do for their future interactions? What do you think about his comment on her playbill? Is it as she expected, and him playing into his role with her, or is there more to it? I'd love to hear any thoughts or theories you might have. Comments fuel my inspiration and keep me going. I'm aware that this story had been on a hiatus, but I'm willing to pour more into it if there's enough interest. Let me know either way.

Thank you so very very much to my incredible new beta, Kate_Reid. She's got an eye for perfection and knows how to make my work shine. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's an excellent writer on her own, as well! Check her out, I highly recommend her.

Thank you also, dear reader, for giving this story a chance. I'll try to update at regular intervals. I do have another story currently in the works, and it's kinda hard to juggle multiple WIP's for me, even though I know others do all the time, but hey - we're all different. Different is good! Thanks again :) Until next time...

Chapter 4: Unspoken Secrets

 

Rey had been in the rehearsal room for over an hour now.  As with all other aspects of her life, she always preferred to arrive early.  An old director of hers once told her ‘to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unacceptable.’  She had just finished her warm up scales and an aria. She felt oddly stiff this morning, particularly in her leg, which was why when Kylo walked in, he caught her doing one of her yoga poses.

 

“Morning,” he called out, making Rey glance up from her downward dog pose.  “I grabbed you your usual blonde vanilla latte. They were out of your favorite sandwich, so I got you some--”

 

He paused mid-sentence, mouth dropping as he watched her rolling slowly back up to standing position.

 

“Yes?” Rey asked, alternating rotating her shoulders once she locked her gaze with his.

 

“Sous-vide egg bites,” Kylo finished quietly, clearing his throat before turning away and putting the coffee cups on top of the piano.

 

“Where is our pianist?” he asked, clearly trying to distract himself for some unknown reason.

 

Rey glanced down, noticing the strap on her top had dropped while she was doing yoga and quickly adjusted it before opening the bag to her breakfast.

 

“She’s going to be late.  There was a wreck in the Holland Tunnel,” Rey explained, stabbing her fork into her eggs.

 

Kylo sneered before taking a sip of coffee.

 

“What was that look for?” Rey asked, before taking a sip of her own coffee, and humming happily when she noted that Kylo remembered she preferred her coffee at a cooler temperature.

 

“Ms. Lintra drives from Jersey every day?” he asked while unwrapping his bacon gouda sandwich.

 

“Mmhmm.  She prefers being called Tallie,” Rey pointed out, taking another bite of her eggs.  “This is delicious; I’ve never tried these. Thank you for getting them.”

 

“Don’t mention it; you cook for us, so it’s the least I can do,”  Kylo added with a smile before popping the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth.

 

Silence loomed between them for several minutes as Rey finished her egg bites.  Kylo thoughtfully nursed his coffee, watching her as she ate. A week ago, had he done that, she would have been self-conscious; but now she didn’t mind him watching her.  It was curious to feel that way, but she just chalked it up to simply being more comfortable in his presence.

 

“So, uhm...my final performance is coming up tomorrow.  I’m wondering if you would like to join my castmates and me for a celebration afterward?” Kylo asked, an unreadable expression on his face.

 

“Sure, I’d love to go out with you--” Rey immediately blushed at the thought.  “I mean, I could ask some of my friends as well. I know Rose certainly enjoyed seeing you, and...I’m sure Finn and maybe Poe would be delighted as well.  We could make it a group outing.”

 

Rey kicked herself that she felt things at the idea of going out with Kylo.  Other people will be there , she reminded herself.

 

“Oh yeah, absolutely.  Invite whoever you want.  We’ll have a great time,” Kylo added, offering a tightlipped smile.  Something in his eyes suggested he might be feeling something similar to how she felt, but she dismissed that as well.  Why would he be interested in someone like her ?

 

After Rey finished eating, she sat down at the piano, and played chords helping Kylo while he warmed up so that the two of them could be ready when Tallie finally showed up.  The piece she had him sing wasn’t the same aria she had practiced; instead, she chose another song from the Phantom of the Opera , to test him on his sight-reading.  He surprised her when he not only got all the notes right, but added an emotional aspect to it that left her breathless.

 

“Close your eyes and surrender…” he gently crooned, and she followed his command, forcing herself to breathe slowly.

 

He stopped singing just before reaching a high note, making Rey open her eyes.

 

“Why did you stop?” Rey asked.

 

“I need a bit more warm-up if you expect me to hit that note,” Kylo added, taking a sip of water.

 

“Oh, of course.  Sorry. You just sang that so beautifully, as if you had been singing it your whole life.  I--I couldn’t help but get lost in the music.”

 

“Well that’s the idea of the song, isn’t it?” Kylo asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, making Rey focus on his lush lips, and suddenly wishing they were pressed against her own.  Her lips parted as she considered him, her breath caught again.

 

“Good morning, guys!!” Tallie greeted them, as she barged into the room, interrupting the spell that Kylo had brought with his song.

 

Quickly looking away from each other, they acknowledged Tallie with greetings. Rey slipped away from the piano, adjusting the strap to her top again and cursing herself for wearing something so loose and wishing she had brought a cardigan to cover herself.  She wasn’t sure why she felt so suddenly exposed. Maybe it was the way Kylo kept looking at her that made her feel that way. Between seeing him perform in his element the previous night, and hearing him sing just now, she felt a change within that she couldn't explain.

 

The rest of the morning went without a hitch, with them learning the music and finding balance with their harmonies.  When lunchtime came, Rey pulled out two packages of Hawaiian-style chicken teriyaki with pineapples, roasted potatoes and carrots.  She microwaved them individually, catching her breath and enjoying a moment of solitude.  

 

Kylo was so relaxed and completely at ease today.  It seemed impossible, like he was a totally different person.  Rey pondered what brought on the change when she saw movement out of her peripheral vision.  Kylo had reached around her and plucked a roasted potato off the plate she had set aside to cool.

 

“I guess we know which one is yours,” Rey said, shaking her head as he reached for another.

 

“You spoil me with your fine cooking; I can’t resist it,” he confessed, popping the second potato in his mouth and licking off his fingers.

 

“You pig,” Rey complained, but she couldn’t hide her grin.

 

Kylo simply shrugged, grabbing the plate and some utensils.  “I wonder where everyone is?” he asked, settling in a chair.

 

“I don’t know; that’s a good question,” Rey pondered just as the microwave beeped.  The clock switched from end to the current time, revealing it was just after 2:30. “Well that would explain it,” she said, gesturing to the clock.

 

“Oh.  Hmm. Didn’t Tallie take a strangely long break like two hours ago?” Kylo asked, while cutting his chicken.

 

“Yeah, that must have been her lunch.  Why didn’t we stop, again?” Rey questioned, sitting down next to Kylo.

 

“I don’t know, honestly.  It just...wasn’t the right time.  We were making some serious progress with the harmonies, and I guess we were too distracted.”

 

“Listen to you, talking about harmony!  As if you were part of the lighter side of Broadway.”

 

“Are you challenging me, Angel?  I can take things dark pretty quickly if I need to.”

 

“That won’t be necessary; I’m rather enjoying you like this.  You’re an absolute natural, and...it’s refreshing. I’ve never had a stage partner quite like you before,”  Rey confessed, feeling warmth in her cheeks as she gazed up at Kylo over her fork.

 

“That's not surprising, honestly.  You just needed someone whose passion was different from yours to balance you out,” Kylo offered with a shrug before taking another bite and slightly moaning with satisfaction.  “This sauce is superb; what’s the secret?”

 

“Local honey from the farmer’s market. Don’t change the subject on me, Kylo," Rey said with a pointed finger.  “Are you sure you haven’t done anything like this before? Do you have anyone musical in your family…?” 

 

“I’m just a hard worker who is dedicated to making each performance exceptional.  Can’t someone come by their talents naturally?” Kylo asked, suddenly defensive.

 

Rey had struck a nerve, but she didn’t know just how or why.  They ate the rest of their meal in silence, with Rey left repeating what she said in her mind, breaking it down and wondering just how she might have offended him, or otherwise upset him.  She should have been used to his mood swings by this point, but this was something else. He had been outright triggered , and it was as if something inside him completely shut down.

 

“Thanks for lunch, I’m heading out early if you don’t mind.  I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kylo said once his plate was cleared, leaving Rey even more baffled.

 

“Sure, no problem.  I hope you have a good performance tonight.  Break a--” her voice cut off abruptly before she finished what she was going to say.  

 

She didn’t even realize she had been about to say the very thing that had traumatized her so many years ago.  Break a leg.   She really did...she shuddered at the memory of the set as it crashed down.  She felt numb all of the sudden, dropping her fork, and staring off into space.

 

“You okay, Angel?” Kylo asked, and his voice seemed a distant echo.  Rey tuned him out as the trauma repeated itself on loop in her mind. Closing her eyes against the pain, she clutched at her leg, her body trembling as she let out a choked sob.

 

“Angel…?” he asked again, his voice closer.  “Rey?” 

 

She didn’t respond until she felt herself being gently shook from her reverie.

 

“What was that all about?” Kylo asked, from his spot on the ground where he knelt in front of her.  Concern was etched on his face, as he gazed up at her with warmth in his eyes. He was gently rubbing circles into her arms.

 

“There are...things...that have happened that I’m afraid you won't understand,” she murmured lowly.

 

“Then tell me.  Let me in, Rey. I can wait a few more minutes before I have to go to the theater,”  Kylo offered kindly.

 

“No...no.  Now is...” she drew a shaky breath.  “...not the time,” she finished, wiping the sweat from her brow and hanging her head in shame.

 

Kylo eyed her suspiciously, not pausing with his gentle touch.  “I’m not letting this go, Angel. I need you to open up to me.”

 

“You need to do the same, then,” she retorted weakly, hoping to deflect the attention from herself, and also stating what weighed on her mind from his earlier strange reaction.

 

“That’s fair.  Soon, then. Soon.  We’ll both open up to each other.  It’ll be easier when I don’t have to leave for performances all the time,”  Kylo offered, gathering her hands in his and pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles.  

 

Rey raised her head just enough to gaze into his eyes.  “Thank you,” she whispered. “Have a great performance; do it for me.”

 

“I promise, it’ll be my best yet,” Kylo said honestly, giving her hands a gentle squeeze.

 

---

 

Kylo kept his promise to Rey, as that night he had one of his best performances since they began the production several months prior.  He figured it was the least he could do, and also it was the second to last performance, so he even improved a bit. Some of the fans who had seen the production multiple times mentioned it to him when they met him backstage, and he simply smiled slyly and told them ‘they’d know’ especially given how obsessed they seemed to be.  He was used to it at this point, though.

 

He thought over what Phasma had encouraged recently.  

 

“There’s a whole untapped world for you out there, Kylo,” she had said.  “Television, film, the world could be your oyster. You already have a huge following on Broadway.  Let the world know you.”

 

“Television is evil,” he had told her.  “Plus I don’t think I’ve got the acting chops for movies.”

 

“Kylo, why do you always sell yourself short?  When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you’ve got potential to play any leading male role available?  Work with the right directors, and they’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand.”

 

“I don’t know that it’s an avenue I want to explore,” he confessed.

 

“I got you into a musical performance, didn’t I?” Phasma deadpanned, arching her brow.

 

“That’s different.  My mother forced my hand,” Kylo pointed out, remembering back to his conversation with Rey when she had asked if his family was musical.  Why had he snapped? Why hadn’t he simply told her the truth about who he was right then and there?

 

Because you’re a coward who won’t stop running from the past.

 

Was that what he was doing?  Running away from the Skywalker Legacy?  Even if he had stuck with his birth name, who would know to associate Solo with Skywalker?  Then again...why be Ben Solo when Kylo Ren was so much better? He had felt different the moment he had dubbed himself that.  He wasn’t even sure how he came across the name. Simply that he wanted two names, something that loosely connected him to his past but was current.  He wanted to be a household name. One that people wouldn’t forget.

 

Get on TV and make movies; then everyone will know you.

 

There was no denying that it had merit.  He had considered it numerous times over the years, and had even acted in extremely low-budget or behind the scenes type characters, just to get his feet wet.  It wasn’t for him, though. Too much fuss. Maybe it would be different if he were a leading man. Somehow he doubted that, and if it was, the fuss would be worse.

 

The final performance was an afternoon show at 3:00.  He and Rey had opted to skip rehearsals that day, and he couldn’t help but miss her horribly as he exercised that morning prior to getting ready for his performance.  He had been doing curls against a doorframe in his room in the old theater when he received a phone call. Dropping to the floor, he sauntered to his vanity table where he picked up the phone, swiping the screen to unlock it.  He smirked as he tapped the green phone icon.

 

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Mother?” he asked as a form of greeting.

 

“I wanted to congratulate you on your upcoming final performance,” she offered kindly.  “I was hoping your grandfather and I might get to talk to you once the show was over?”

 

“As much as I’d like to indulge you both, I already have plans,” Kylo admitted honestly.

 

“Is that so?  Well perhaps we’ll simply have to visit sometime during rehearsals.  We heard you are getting along wonderfully with your stage partner?”

 

“You could say that.  We butted heads a bit in the beginning, but the past few rehearsals have been better,”  He explained as he dabbed the sweat from his brow.

 

“We’ll just have to see for ourselves then.  We’ll be watching your performance later. It’ll be good to see you again, son.  I miss you, she confessed warmly, surprising him with her frankness.  

 

It wasn’t like her to be affectionate like this.  She felt more like his mother at this moment and less like a secondary agent trying to control his life.  It was...unexpectedly nice.

 

Shaking his head, he pushed aside those thoughts.  “You too. See you around.” He ended the call before she could say anything else.

 

He decided to shower and start dressing for the afternoon’s performance, taking extra care while shaving to make sure he was perfectly smooth.  A part of him felt as though the extra effort with his appearance was due to it being the final show. Another part of him thought about Rey and their outing after the show.  

 

It’s simply a group outing...drinks and celebration.  Nothing more.  

 

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” he murmured to his reflection, giving himself a once over before exiting his room and heading to the side stage to wait with his castmates for the show to begin.

 

---

 

It was just after seven as Rey made her way off the subway train.  The dress she chose tonight was comfortable and fluttered against her legs as she walked briskly upstairs.  Something doctors told her she’d likely never be able to do. She paused on a landing when she heard a chime indicating she got a text message.  A random patron bumped into her as a consequence, causing her to stumble. She scurried the rest of the way up the stairs, pausing just outside the terminal entry where the foot traffic wasn’t as heavy.

 

Retrieving her phone from her oversized purse, she swiped it to reveal a text message from Poe.

 

As much as we would love to celebrate with Hotlo Ren, tonight is Bee-Bee’s recital.  He may be hot, but nothing is cuter than four-year-olds in tutus. Tell him sorry but daddy time wins over drinky time.

 

Rey chose to ignore the Hotlo Ren comment and instead grimaced, having forgotten that she and Finn had been talking about Beatrice and her dance lessons just the other day.  It only made sense that she’d have a performance. Rey wouldn't expect them to miss it.

 

That’s okay, I understand.   Give Bee my love.

 

At least Rose would still be there, as well as Zorii, Cassian and Bodhi.  It would still be a good-sized group, and Rey had to admit, she was eager to get to know Kylo’s castmates better.  

 

Particularly Zorii, as she could ask trade secrets about how to handle Kylo.  After all, Zorii had acted alongside him nearly every night for the past four and a half months, so she’d know a thing or two.  Even if Rey would only have a few performances with Kylo, the process leading up to it could be difficult if he continued to be so temperamental.

 

Switching to her map app, Rey followed the walking directions till she reached Plunge.  Rey had never been one for the bar scene, but Kylo said that they were regulars there, so she’d imagine it would be more comfortable for him, not to mention it was close enough to the theater that they could easily get there following the performance.

 

Turning the corner, she was nearly blinded by the setting sun as she happened to look up at the perfect angle to have it reflected from one of the towering skyscrapers.  The heat never bothered Rey, but the light certainly did. She always had sensitive eyes, hence the reason she preferred keeping her oversized sunglasses on. After having left the subway and its false lighting, she had assumed the setting sun couldn’t be too terrible at this time of night.  She had never been more wrong.

 

Out of the blue, she remembered her childhood town just outside of London.  The sun rarely shone there, and it was cool and overcast. Perfectly comfortable the majority of the year.  It was when she had moved to the states that she had experienced four distinct seasons for the first time. Fall was definitely her favorite, and yet the summer didn’t much bother her this time.  Perhaps it had been because she was so distracted with everything that had been going on.  I wouldn’t complain if it was 10 degrees cooler though . She mused as she reached for the oversized handle on the door that boasted Plunge Rooftop Bar and Lounge.

 

Rey greeted the hostess stating her name and that she’d be meeting with Kylo Ren and his party.  The young woman’s previously stiff expression melted at the mere mention of Kylo, and her cheeks reddened.

 

“Right this way, miss.  I’ll take you to the VIP lounge,” she explained as she escorted Rey to a nearby lift.

 

Rey found herself pondering just what sort of VIP guest Kylo truly was.  He had mentioned he was a regular there, but based on this young woman’s expression, it was as if he was something more.  Co-owner, perhaps? Or it could simply be that the girl had a crush on Kylo.. .just like every other hot-blooded woman in the city of Manhattan, it seems, she reminded herself after witnessing the fans at his performance.

 

Not every woman, just in the theater-going crowd.

 

Rey was ushered with a sweeping gesture into a private section of the rooftop lounge.  Reclining in the corner with a drink in one hand sat Kylo, who acknowledged her immediately, as if she was the only woman in the room.  The radiant smile he gave her in that moment left her feeling at an all-time high emotionally. She felt as though she didn’t walk but instead floated her way over to him.

 

“Good evening, Kylo,” Rey said, somewhat surprised when he stood and leaned in to affectionately kiss both of her cheeks as a form of greeting.  

 

It was the first time he had ever done that to her.  Perhaps it was the social atmosphere that had him so loosened up.  Or the uniquely fragrant drink he held. Or the fact that he had just wrapped on his final performance of his ongoing show.

 

“Good evening, Rey,” he greeted warmly, motioning for her to sit.  “Can I get you a drink?” he asked.

 

“Oh, sure...uhm.  I’ll have whatever you’re having,” Rey said, blushing when she couldn't think of a better answer.  

 

She really wasn’t much of a drinker; but she had to admit, she was curious just what he happened to enjoy.  If it had loosened him up, she would imagine it would work wonders on her.

 

Kylo motioned to the hostess, who had been lingering nearby and staring dreamily at him.  He pointed down to his drink then held up two fingers, smiling sweetly at her. She nodded and left the lounge area.

 

“Where is everyone?” Rey asked, busying herself by looking around in hopes of spotting someone she recognized.

 

“Well, you just missed Cassian and Bodhi; they only stayed around for a few minutes.  They had plans elsewhere. Zorii can’t make it; her daughter, Willa, has a dance recital,” he explained.

 

“No way--is she with the American Youth Dance Theater?” Rey asked.

 

Kylo curiously cocked his head.  “How did you know?”

 

“Poe and Finn’s daughter is as well!  That’s where they are right now. What a small world!” Rey said, murmuring a polite thank you when a drink was placed in her hand.  Her phone chimed again, and she took a quick sip of her drink, humming in approval before setting it down. Her face fell the moment she read the text.

 

Paige has a fever, I’ll be staying in tonight, sorry.

 

“What’s up?” Kylo asked, motioning towards her phone.

 

“Well it looks like it’s just you and me tonight,” she explained as she texted a reply.  “Rose’s daughter is sick.”

 

“Oh, well...I’m sure we’ll manage,” Kylo offered, downing his drink and setting it aside.

 

Rey nursed hers thoughtfully, gazing out over the city lights and beyond the sparking skyline at the distant waters.  Ordinarily, she’d be terrified of being so high up, but from this vantage point, nestled comfortably against a sofa with a man she was learning to consider a friend, it wasn’t nearly as bad.

 

“What made you decide to join the production?” Rey asked off-handedly.  While she enjoyed the silence of the evening, and the hum from the conversations around them, she felt it best that she and Kylo actually interact beyond merely drinking.

 

“Ah well, my agent encouraged me to give it a go.  Thought it would look good on my resume and show my diversity as an actor,” he explained.  It seemed a legit answer, but something about his tone indicated that it wasn’t entirely the truth.  “How about you?”

 

“Ironically, my agent also encouraged me.  Not for the sake of boosting my resume, though.  I think he wanted to pull me out of retirement, and remind me of where my passion lay - in the theater.”

 

“I see.  Why did you retire, if you don’t mind me asking?” he asked, before hailing a nearby waiter to put in a request for a charcuterie board and another round of drinks.

 

“That’s a conversation for another day.  I’d really rather not go there right now,” Rey answered honestly, hoping that answer would be enough to satisfy him.

 

“What can you tell me then?” Kylo asked dubiously.  “Any other reasons you’re doing this?”

 

“Well...it’s personal.” It was Rey’s turn to down the rest of her drink, shuddering as she felt the burn of the tequila down her throat.  “I need you to promise me that you won’t judge me too harshly if I tell you.”

 

“Who am I to judge you?  If it’s too personal, you don’t have to tell me,” Kylo reasoned, casually crossing his legs.

 

“The reason it’s so personal has to do with the charity we’re putting on the performance for,” Rey began slowly, smoothing out her pants over her thighs.  

 

She stared at her hand and the tiny diamond she wore in the antique silver band on her finger.  The engagement ring she had inherited from her great grandmother. The only family heirloom she had left, after everything else had been sold to make a life for them in the States.

 

“Rise Against Hunger?” Kylo asked, breaking Rey of her reverie.  His expression had softened, yet he bore an air of seriousness as he leaned in closer.

 

“Yes.  You see, when I was a child and we moved to the United States from London...we were horribly poor,” she explained, fidgeting with the ring.  “There were times when the only meal I got was the one that Rise Against Hunger provided us. We didn’t know about them initially, and so there were other days that I starved.  My mother always worried that I’d never properly develop.”

 

“Oh wow...I was...not expecting that,”  Kylo offered quietly.

 

“It goes beyond that, but eventually we got a foothold in life.  I got scholarships to an acting academy, and the rest is history.  The Arts literally saved my life.”

 

“Ah, that’s why you’ve got such an angelic voice then,” Kylo offered with a slight chuckle.  “You truly were visited by an angel of music.”

 

“I guess you could say that.  Without music and theater, I don’t know who I would be, or even if I’d be alive.  So, this performance is everything to me,” Rey confessed, leaning in closer for emphasis.

 

“I really should have let you go first.  I feel like such an asshole now, explaining I was doing it just to boost my resume.  I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be,” Rey said with a reassuring smile.  “We’re from different walks of life. I’m just glad you happened to take on this little project, especially since it isn’t where your passion lies.”

 

“But it’s the perfect place for our passions to fuse and merge,” Kylo explained, leaning in and resting his hand on Rey’s thigh.  The smell of tequila was strong on him, and she wondered just how much he had had to drink before she showed up.

 

“Right, well...right,”  Rey said weakly, recoiling slightly at the unfamiliar touch.

 

Men didn’t fawn over her the same way women fawned over Kylo.  She couldn't remember the last time a man had given her the time of day, let alone touched her the way Kylo just had.  She didn’t dislike it; she just couldn’t be sure if he genuinely meant it, was placating her, or was simply drunk. Rey never imagined that she’d receive such attention from Kylo, but it didn’t prevent her heart from skipping a beat.

 

He’s just touching your thigh; it's not like he’s undressing you .

 

Rey pondered that prospect, blushing profusely, as Kylo leaned in closer.  He was definitely drunk. Those bedroom eyes were beckoning her, but she wouldn’t fall for them.  Slipping off the sofa, Rey noticed Kylo fall forward slightly where he had been leaning against her.  She took several long strides to the ledge, peering down at the glittering lights of Times Square.

 

Kylo joined her moments later, gently bumping against her arm.

 

“Sorry, that was inappropriate.  Especially given the timing. I need to cut back on the drinks.  You just...make me nervous.”

 

“ I make you nervous?” Rey parroted, turning towards him and leaning against the ledge.

 

“You’re such an enigma.  I feel like I hardly know you, and yet every little thing you reveal makes you that much more mysterious.  I certainly wasn’t expecting you to have that sort of past. It isn’t any of my business to know, either. Still...there’s something about you…”

 

Kylo pursed his lips in thought, clearly hesitating as if on the precipice of revealing something.  She knew he wasn’t ready for whatever it was that he had been holding back, but perhaps some day, he would be.

 

“You’re as much of a mystery to me, Kylo.  In time, perhaps I won’t make you nervous by being so enigmatic.”

 

“And perhaps I’ll also be more willing to open up.  You’ve given me quite a bit to think about tonight, Rey.  Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Rey replied, completely thrown off guard by him thanking her for being so open.  

 

Most people wouldn’t have reacted that way.  They’d call her a drama queen, or simply seeking pity and attention for no apparent reason.  For making up lies to hide what must have been a perfect and privileged life. Far from it. She may have been “Broadway’s Sweetheart” at one point, but that didn’t mean she was without her own fair bit of gossip.

 

She turned away from Kylo, gazing out over the city lights again, remembering her time with Rose, and locking this night into her memory bank as another memory she’d often revisit in both her waking and sleeping hours.  Something she’d need to share with Ahsoka next time she had therapy. It was too good to be true to find someone who was so willing to listen without judgment. Perhaps Kylo was better than she originally thought.  

Even if he is a terrible drunk . She noted as he rested his hand on top of hers, offering her what she now recognized as his signature smile - lopsided and slightly toothy.  Perfectly charming and adorable and yet oddly sexy, all at the same time.

Notes:

We had some fantastic communication between our former adversaries. Seems they're starting to see each other in a different light. Will Kylo reveal who he is, now that he and Rey have started opening up to each other? Will things change now that Kylo is no longer occupied with his snow? I'd love to hear your thoughts as to what will happen next!

Thank you so much for your feedback in the most recent chapter. It's always so risky to bring back a story after having been away from it for so long. You never know who you will reach. I only hope I've been able to entertain you in some shape or form. Feedback is golden in all shapes and forms, and if you'd rather reach out on Tumblr, my name is Wingless One there as well. Thank you all so very much for reading! Your support is everything!

Extra special thanks for my beta, miss tmwillson3. You're fantastic, darling. I appreciate you!

Chapter 5: Dropped All Defenses

 

It was Wednesday again, which meant Rey had therapy.  She had been keeping her journal as she promised Ahsoka she would, and she nearly made it to the subway when she realized she left it on her nightstand.  Rey knew it was essential to have the journal, so she rushed back to her loft knowing she’d be a little late. She was always too early, though, so for once she might just make it on time.  The subway ride was slower than usual; a delay on one of the lines left her anxiously checking her watch more than once.

 

Rey finally made it to her therapist’s office, with a mere five minutes to spare.  Rather unexpectedly, she saw that someone had been waiting for her just outside the door, and it wasn’t Ahsoka.  It was Kylo.

 

“What on earth are you doing here?!” Rey blurted out, not knowing what else to say.

 

“Well, I knew we usually had today off from rehearsal, so I peeked at your phone to see what you had going on today.  You know you really should learn to lock that thing. You can’t trust anybody these days,” Kylo explained with an offhand gesture as he held the door for her.

 

Rey eyed him wearily.  There was no time to argue or encourage Kylo to be on his way.  She brushed past him into the building, not acknowledging him with a response.

 

“Do you always cut it this close?” Kylo continued, undeterred.  “I always figured you’d be the type to show up ridiculously early.” 

 

Rey checked in at the counter and then settled in the waiting room, glancing up at the weather channel, feigning interest in the international forecast.

 

“So that’s how it’s gonna be, then?  You’re just gonna ignore me?” Kylo asked after several minutes of awkward silence.

 

“What do you expect me to say?  You admitted to invading my privacy, and then you show up at my therapist’s office uninvited,” Rey snapped, looking pointedly at him.

 

“That’s fair; I deserve that,” he confessed with a shrug.  “Sorry. I just wanted to remind you that I’m free now.”

 

“You could have called or texted.  I would have rearranged my schedule today,” Rey retorted, not hiding the edge from her voice.

 

“I don’t mind going to yoga with you next,” Kylo offered with an apologetic smile.

 

“Miss Kanata, are you - Oh!  Hello!” Ahsoka said the moment she locked eyes on Kylo.  “Rey, are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

 

“Yes, sorry.  Ahsoka, this is Kylo Ren, my stage partner.  Kylo, this is Ahsoka Tano, my therapist.”

 

Kylo stood, taking Ahsoka’s hand with a dramatic flair and kissing her knuckles lightly.  “A pleasure, my lady,” he said, causing her to blush profusely.

 

“No,” Rey said, standing and brushing past Ahsoka and Kylo, headed for the office.

 

Rey all but stomped into Ahsoka’s office, plopping down onto the sofa with a huff, like a petulant toddler.  Ahsoka glided in with her usual supermodel-like catwalk stride, closing the door quietly behind her. Settling in her own chair, Ahsoka slid on her eyeglasses and pulled out a notebook.  She read over her notes before glancing up at Rey wearing a knowing smile.

 

“So what brought on our unexpected guest?” she asked in lieu of her usual greeting.

 

“I don’t know; he just showed up.  I’m beyond trying to figure him out,” Rey exclaimed, still bitter.

 

“I see.  Interesting,” Ahsoka said, jotting down several notes.  She then sat back in her chair, simply observing Rey while Rey fidgeted with the pillow fringe.  The thing she did almost every time she visited. It’s a wonder she hadn’t worn the fringe off the pillow.

 

“Oh, you probably want my journal,” Rey said, breaking the silence.  “Here,” she added, digging it out of her oversized purse and stretching to place it in Ahsoka’s waiting hand.

 

Ahsoka wordlessly flipped through it, reading over Rey’s observations for the past two weeks, her expression decidedly blank, though a hint of a smile surfaced more than once.

 

"I find it both amusing and inspiring that Kylo is presenting you with such a challenge.  It seems he's just what the doctor ordered," Ahsoka said upon closing the notebook and setting it aside.

 

Rey looked up, eyes wide and nostrils flaring. "You can't be serious."

 

"Oh, but I am." Ahsoka took off her glasses, folding them neatly and setting them aside.  Rey sensed Ahsoka wasn't finished yet and knew she was in for more.

 

"I think that the reason he challenges you so much is because he takes you out of your element. His mannerisms are so different from yours because you both come from such different walks of life. What do you know about him? Truly."

 

"Other than the fact that he's a pompous asshole with flares for the dramatic, who happens to be good at getting a rise out of me?" Rey asked with a smirk.

 

"I'm not talking about right now, Rey. I mean in general," Ahsoka gently said, completely undeterred.

 

"In general...well.  He's...he…" Rey found herself unable to respond.  She sat, staring at a spot on the floor where the carpeting had peeled up slightly in the corner.

 

She noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and knew that Ahsoka had gotten up.  She heard water pouring and the click of an electric tea kettle. With a swishing of her skirts, Ahsoka glided past Rey. 

 

Moments later, Rey glanced up at the sound of voices.  Kylo and Ahsoka were talking as they made their way down the hall; they were having a polite conversation, but rather generic in context.  Rey found herself sitting up, running her hands over her hair and straightening her blouse. When Kylo walked in, their eyes met, and Rey was a bit less frustrated than she had been earlier when she first saw him.

 

Rey scooted over on the couch, gesturing for Kylo to sit.  As he did so the whistle from the kettle made Rey jump in surprise. Kylo chuckled under his breath, and Rey blushed lightly, looking at Ahsoka as she produced three cups and tea balls.  The air was filled with a sweet fragrance as steaming water was poured over the herbal tea leaves. Ahsoka handed them each a glass before settling down in her chair with her own cup.

 

"This is one of my favorite blends," Ahsoka said in preamble.  "Licorice root, peppermint leaf, sweet fennel, and basil. It’s a surprising blend, but it’s balanced.  It’s incredibly soothing and calms your senses, promoting a sense of well-being.”

 

Rey breathed in the fragrance deeply, noting the natural sweetness of the licorice and the coolness of the peppermint.  It truly was a calming blend, which was exactly what she needed right at this moment. Taking a sip of the warm beverage, the flavors danced on her tongue and filled her with unexpected warmth.  Her shoulders lowered, and she felt at ease, glancing from Kylo to Ahsoka and back, noting them also quietly sipping the tea.

 

“Now I’d like you two to do an exercise together.  Take turns saying five things about each other, whether it's something you admire or something you hate, anything goes.  This is a judgment-free zone, and I don’t want any reactions. Simply alternate who speaks and when you’re both done with your five things, I want you to share something that no one knows about you.”

 

Kylo shifted uneasily, gripping his cup tighter.  Rey glanced down at her shoes, continuing to sip at her tea.  The silence loomed, and Rey noticed for the first time the muted ticking sound of the clock that she so often fixated on in previous therapy sessions.

 

“I’ll go first,” Kylo offered quietly, tucking his leg beneath him and turning towards Rey.  “I like the way you cook for us. You’re really talented in the kitchen and seem to know what I enjoy without even asking.”

 

Rey glanced up through her lashes, smiling at his compliment.  “I like the way you make me smile. I may not always laugh at your jokes, but you do have a good sense of humor.”

 

Kylo smiled at that, nodding in thanks.  “I like how excited you get about music. I’ve never known someone who got so excited over a single song, even after singing it for the millionth time.”

 

“I like the way you dress; you always look sharp even without trying.  It’s effortless, and you’re never embarrassing,” she admitted honestly.

 

On and on it went till the two had reached their five things.  Rey felt lighter by the end of the exercise, grateful that Ahsoka had suggested it.  It felt nice to be complimented, and she knew deep down that Kylo meant every word he said.  She couldn’t help but be curious about what he’d confess, knowing it had to be monumental, given who he was.  It could have been anything; surely he wasn’t as perfect as everyone assumed he was. Everyone had skeletons. She certainly did.

 

“Now for your confessions,” Ahsoka prompted, gesturing for Kylo to continue.

 

His face fell, and he nervously ran his hand through his hair.  He fumbled with his teacup a bit, taking a long sip and setting it down on a small table next to the couch.

 

“Here goes,” Kylo muttered beneath his breath.  He cleared his throat before continuing. “My name isn’t Kylo Ren.  That’s my stage name.”

 

“Who are you, then?” Rey asked quietly, encouraging him to continue.

 

“My name…” he took a deep breath, as if unwilling to admit the truth.  “My name is Ben Solo.” 

 

Rey blinked several times as if she had missed something.  Solo...Solo...why was that name so familiar? Then it dawned on her.

 

“As in Skywalker-Organa-Solo?” Rey prodded gently, noticing him visibly flinch before hanging his head.

 

“Yes,” he admitted, clearly ashamed--but for what reason, Rey couldn’t possibly imagine.  He was a part of a famous family, one known worldwide as being Broadway royalty, more or less.  He should be proud of who he was, and yet he wasn’t. How curious.

 

“Rey?” Ahsoka prompted, shaking her from her reverie.

 

“Oh, right--sorry.  The reason I retired nearly six years ago was because I had an accident on stage…” she began slowly.  Like Kylo-- Ben --had before with his confession, she took a deep breath, afraid to continue.

 

“It was during a performance, between acts.  A set collapsed under me while I was standing on top, getting ready to start the next song.  I fell hard on my leg and broke my femur.” It came out in a rush, so much so that she gasped for breath when she was done.

 

Ben’s mouth dropped open, and he blinked, shaking his head.  It was as if the wind had been knocked from him. Clearly, he was not expecting that.  His eyes roamed over her, glancing down at her legs, which she shifted awkwardly under his gaze.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured.

 

“Don’t be; it was hardly your fault,” Rey said with an offhand gesture, somewhat flustered at the attention he was giving her at present.

 

“Well,” Ahsoka said, in her most soothing tone yet.  “It would seem that you two have much left to discuss, but I’m very proud of you both for opening up so readily.  I think the more you get to know each other, the better you can be as stage partners. Try bonding more, and it will strengthen your friendship - and in turn, your performance.  Something tells me that won’t be an issue, though, from what I know of both of you.”

 

Ben and Rey both muttered in agreement, hardly casting a second glance at the other, shifting as if eager to get up and move on.

 

“Would you look at that?  We’re out of time. I’ll see you again next month, Rey?” Ahsoka inquired.

 

“Yes...of course.  I’ll arrange something before I leave.  Thank you,” Rey agreed, her voice distant as she acknowledged her therapist without truly looking at her.  

 

Rey figured most people chose not to look at Ahsoka, not because she wasn’t attractive, but more because expressing oneself was challenging.  No one wanted to see direct reactions to their confessions. Ahsoka had never judged Rey, and for that, she was most grateful. However...she still couldn’t look at Ahsoka at this moment.  She couldn't look at anyone , especially not herself.  Instead, she zoned out, listening to the voices of her therapist and stage partner as they quietly chatted with each other.

 

“I promise I won’t barge in and interrupt things next time,” Ben offered.

 

Rey didn’t have to look up to know he sounded embarrassed and somewhat sheepish.  She sensed movement from him out of the corner of her eyes and knew he was running his hand through his hair again.  Nervous habit.

 

“That’s quite alright, Ben -- may I call you Ben?” Ahsoka asked, and Rey heard the swishing of Ahsoka’s skirt as she stood.

 

“Yes, that’s fine.  It is my name, after all.  Just don’t go exposing me to the press or anything,” he said with a bitter laugh.

 

“Never.  Patient confidentiality,” Ahsoka reassured him, before turning towards Rey.  “Rey, are you coming?” she asked, shaking Rey from her trance.

 

---

 

Rey seemed to be moving on autopilot from that moment on. Ben had known her to have the occasional odd moment, but she seemed to be wrapped in a state of shock, going through the motions while being somewhere else in her mind.  He tried not to feel pity for her, as he could almost hear her pleading not to. At the same time, so much of her mystery and intrigue suddenly made sense. She shut herself off as a means of protecting herself from the past.  

 

A broken, haunting past at that. First, a rough childhood wrought with uncertainty and starvation. Then as an adult, at the peak of her career, literally falling as her world shattered beneath her.  Suddenly, anything he had experienced in his own life no longer felt of consequence.

 

He quietly followed her as they left the office building, and he followed her lead as she meandered away from the building.  It was obvious she had no plans for where she was going. If she had, they had likely changed after the world-shattering revelations they both made.

 

As they walked between towering skyscrapers, past brightly decorated storefronts, restaurants, and other offices, Ben let his thoughts drift. 

 

Ben Solo was so different from the man he’d grown up to be.  He had practically lived in theaters; they became his playground growing up.  His mother would hire him private tutors to cover his education, thinking any son of hers was too good for mere public education.  Even though she virtually ignored him while rehearsing and performing, she also insisted on keeping him close at all times. Especially since his father was never around.  

 

In retrospect, it was incredibly selfish of her.  He never understood why she did things the way she did.  More often than not he was left alone, watching the world through rose-tinted lenses.  Everywhere he went he was surrounded by beautiful and talented performers, the magic of theater and the adoring crowds who came night after night to take in the spectacular performances.

 

Over the years Ben learned to hate his mother, although he always had the utmost respect for his grandfather.  Leia had blatantly ridden her fame on being Anakin's talented daughter. It was shameful, really, and the Skywalker legacy grew and morphed into something else because of her.  It was no surprise to anyone when Ben became an actor. In all honesty, he didn't know anything beyond the theater, as it had always been a part of his identity. He was born in theater, and knowing him, he'd work himself to death in the theater, too.  

 

While he was still in acting school, Ben made a decision.  He would not follow in his mother's footsteps, nor would he follow in his grandfather's.  His mother still attempted to control him, to use her influence early on to get what she felt he deserved. He made it clear to her that he needed no help and could realize his dream on his own.  He shed his identity as Ben Solo and became Kylo Ren. He would start from the bottom just like every other wannabe star. He would take shitty roles he hated and climb his way up. He would learn to shine on his own.  

 

The Skywalker legacy still existed to an extent, but not how anyone could ever dream or imagine. 

 

Glancing around, he realized that the sky was opening up around where he and Rey were walking.  He watched as she dug into her oversized bag for a pair of shades, and he followed her lead, retrieving his own pair of sunglasses and putting them on. He recognized the treeline in the distance and was pleased that Rey had led them to Central Park.

 

"I hope you don't mind coming here," Rey murmured, her voice so low he had to strain to hear it over the noises of the city. "I like coming here when I need to think."

 

"That's fine, Angel. We can go wherever you like," Ben said gently, hoping to reassure her.

 

"Would you please stop calling me that?" she asked, peering up through her lenses at him.

 

"What's the problem, Rey? You've not complained before," he asked, stating the truth.

 

She heaved a sigh.  "You make things difficult sometimes."

 

Ben stopped her beneath a shady tree, resting his hand on her arm.  Rey turned to face him, glancing up expectantly. 

 

"Look, I'm sorry, okay. I like getting into character in little ways here and there; it helps when I can immerse myself in the role.  I don't mean to insult or upset you in any way. Besides, there's some truth to the nickname."

 

He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. It had blown loose from her low chignon in a sudden breeze that had whipped up between them.  Rey shivered, whether from the coolness of the breeze or the unexpected touch was yet to be determined. Ben stroked his hand over her cheek before resting it on her shoulder.

 

"I should have told you sooner," she said, changing the subject. 

 

"Then tell me now; take your time. We've got all day if that's what it takes." He led Rey to a path by a lake overlooking a quaint bridge and gestured for her to sit on a bench.

 

Rey was quiet for a long time, simply watching ducks and the occasional swan or goose drift peacefully along the relatively still waters of the afternoon.  The sun hid behind the clouds, and they felt a touch of relief from its searing rays, despite being nestled beneath the trees. Rey lifted her sunglasses, setting them on top of her head.

 

"It was strange. No one could have predicted it happening," she began quietly.

 

Ben waited patiently, knowing there had to be more.  He ran a hand through his hair, before folding both hands together and resting them in his lap. He knew better than to look at Rey right now. He didn't want to make her any more self-conscious. 

 

"The set itself crushed me," she continued, "and they had to quickly unbury me so that the show could go on.  They improvised, and extended intermission another fifteen minutes while the understudy made her way to complete the show for me.  I was rushed to the hospital where they put me into a medical coma and operated on me. Doctors always said I’d never walk again, and yet I proved them wrong."

 

"You're a survivor." Ben meant it as a compliment, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shaking her head.

 

"Only because I've had to be. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but it feels as though living was never an option for me," she said.

 

Just as Ben was about to question her, to argue that she was very much alive, she continued her line of thought.

 

"I've never known how to truly live. I've only ever survived. Every time I think I've reached a point where I feel good about my existence, the world reminds me of the ugly truth with a harsh dose of reality."

 

Ben pressed his lips together to prevent himself from saying anything. She wasn't seeking advice or comfort. She was stating the truth as she saw it. Sharing openly what few others knew.

 

It occurred to him then that it had been an exceptionally long time since the last time he felt alive. He was the type of person who never stopped. He went from one project to the next, hardly pausing to remember who he was.  He'd get high off learning new roles, becoming new people, so much so that he forgot how to be himself.

 

This needed to change--for both of them.

 

Thinking back over the years, it occurred to him that there was actually someplace nearby that they could enjoy together. Something that didn't involve theatre or acting.  A place where they could see new sights, hear wondrous sounds and taste new flavors: Coney Island.

 

Maybe they could postpone their rehearsals for another day.  All in the name of bonding as stage partners. If Rey protested, he could argue that the stronger they were as a team the better that their performance would be, which should certainly appeal to her work ethic.  He'd teach her how to live just yet, and learn to let loose in the process. What could possibly go wrong?

Notes:

Well, that was a tad more emotional than I had intended, but I believe good things will come of it! Ben is prepared to help Rey live a little...at Coney Island. Any thoughts as to what will happen? I'd love to hear your theories!

Thank you all so much for reading and commenting. The support I've received so far on this story has been wonderful, and I'm so grateful for all of you taking the time out of your busy schedule to indulge in my creative whims. It truly is motivational for me to keep going and push harder and give you more.

Thanks also to my wonderful team - my beta, tmwillson and my wonderful friend Artemis for guiding me with creative feedback and encless encouragment and support. You ladies are amazing! Thank you <3

Chapter 6: Here With Me

 

That night, Ben found he couldn’t sleep.  He kept replaying various conversations that he and Rey had throughout the day.  Her anger upon seeing him initially. How soft she became when he complimented her.  She was so receptive of it, as if she hadn’t heard such kind words in ages -- and perhaps she hadn’t, after having been away from the limelight for so long. Then there was the way she opened up when convinced by her therapist.  They both had.  

 

In retrospect, he had nothing to complain about in his life.  He was a victim of his circumstance, but when he got down to it, his life really hadn’t been so bad.  Just sheltered and trapped in the perfect world of theater. He had become a victim to his own mind, longing for a personal identity when the one he had wasn’t so bad after all.

 

Sliding out of bed, he resigned himself that sleep was out of the question without a bit of help.  He went to the bar in his living room, laughing to himself at how ridiculous it had been to have a bar hidden in a giant globe.  When he got that he felt so special - just like he’d seen in the old British films with spies. It proved he was more than just a small-time theater actor.  Grabbing a bottle of tequila he poured himself a modest glass and settled on the nearby leather recliner.

 

Propping up his feet, he breathed in the fragrance of the straight tequila, never quite remembering how he learned to become a connoisseur of the drink when so many people he knew couldn’t stomach it.  They can have their fru-fru watered-down margaritas. He loved the taste of it on its own, and amusingly enough, it had the opposite effect on him. He never became sick whenever he drank it.

 

He had barely gotten comfortable when he downed the first glass.  Staring at the glass he cocked an eyebrow, before setting the glass on a coaster, shimmying off the recliner and going to his globe bar.  This time he grabbed the bottle. He started pouring another glass, but then he shrugged and started drinking from the bottle itself. He knew it was a problem, but it comforted him.  Right now it was what he needed while he thought.

 

Taking a swig from his bottle, he settled down again and began thoughtfully rubbing his chin.  So, Rey moved to the United States from England when she was a child with her mother. They struggled and were poor, to the point of starvation.  The theater became her salvation until it, too, turned on her with her horrible accident. Of course, no one could have predicted it happening, but it was some sort of poetic injustice.  Her whole life had been centered around the theater - because it saved her in a time of need. Unlike Ben who borderline hated the idea of theater, but he loved to act.

 

Regardless, Rey’s whole world quite literally crashed down.  Ben continued nursing his tequila as if it were a bottle of water and he was parched.  The more he drank, the more he thought, and the more he didn’t like himself. Who was he to complain?  His world didn’t come crashing down. He wasn’t crippled with pain and anxiety. The only thing he feared was being connected to his family.  From the sounds of things, Rey loved her family - what she knew of them, anyway. There had to be more there, though. What else...what else...it was then that he realized he had reached the bottom of his bottle.

 

Had it been a new bottle?  Three-quarters full? Half-full?  He didn’t know, but he made a vow to himself not to get so wrapped up in his mind and selfish ways that he finished a bottle on his own again.  Sobriety struck him hard, but it was what was needed. For Rey. This theater performance was everything to her. She deserved a partner who could put aside his ego and selfish ways to give her the time and attention she deserved.  He’d do just that, and create a show-stopping performance and the comeback she deserved. Broadway would know their Sweetheart again. Maybe - just maybe - she would be his too.

 

He never realized he was falling for her till that moment in his semi-drunken stupor.  It wasn’t because he pitied her for her tragic past or because she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.  No, it was because she had heart and soul. She was a passionate woman, who stepped outside her comfort zone to make life better for herself and the world around her.  She was driven to make a difference, and she was just what he needed to make a difference in his own life. He knew that now and hoped that she’d be able to forgive him for his bad behavior.

 

The next day, Ben woke up early, with barely two hours of sleep but feeling more energized than he had in ages.  He did their usual Starbucks run and managed to make it to the theater mere minutes before Rey arrived. He actually surprised her when she walked into the room, jumping slightly at the sight of him, but quickly recovering.

 

“Ben - Kylo, sorry.  I wasn’t expecting you this early,” she offered sheepishly.

 

She looked as lovely as ever today, blushing as she set down her briefcase and removed her cardigan.

 

“Ben is fine, sorry to have startled you,” he replied in earnest.  His name sounded sweeter when it spilled from her lips.

 

“That’s quite alright,” she offered with a shy smile.  “Since you’re here, let’s go ahead and eat; then we can begin.”

 

“As you wish, I’m here for you today.” 

 

Ben pulled his coffee out of the drink carrier and swirled his cup a little before taking a sip.

 

“Oh… only today?” Rey asked, reaching into her sack for her sandwich.

 

“Every day,” Ben offered as reassurance, returning her smile from earlier.

 

Rey covered her mouth as she chewed, nodding and laughing before taking a sip of her coffee.  “You better not say things like that; I might start believing you,” she said once her throat was clear.

 

“Maybe you should,” he suggested with a shrug.

 

“Ben Solo…” Rey said, her voice trailing off as if she were suddenly at a loss for words.

 

“Yes, Angel?  That’s my name; don’t wear it out.”

 

“You’re incorrigible,” she said with a low chuckle.

 

“You love it; you’re just too afraid to admit it,” Ben pointedly said before finishing off the last of his sandwich.

 

“Maybe I do,” Rey offered with a shrug before turning away.  She drew some sheet music from her briefcase. “I brought more music for us to warm up to today; I hope you don’t mind.  It’s something different. Might help you hit those higher notes a little easier.”

 

“Ugh, don’t remind me about the high notes.  Thankfully there aren’t many. Just at the end there with the ‘All I Ask of You Reprise.’  They still want us to do that, right?”

 

“Only if you think you can pull it off,” Rey said honestly, handing Ben the sheet music before slipping behind the piano.

 

Rehearsal that day had been the most productive they had had in the weeks since they started working together.  It was really quite impressive how smoothly they transitioned from one thing to the next: warmups to music practice, lunch, then a bit of choreography practice and finally finishing with another round of vocals.  It seemed that if every rehearsal was like this from here to the time of the performance, then they would most definitely have the show-stopping performance that Rey deserved.

 

Ben discovered part of what made this rehearsal stand out from the rest, other than the fact that he didn’t have to leave for his performances, was that he put himself aside.  He truly was there for Rey, as he promised he would be. Once he no longer thought about himself or his situation, he relaxed significantly. He became Ben again - carefree, kind of shy, but happy.  Genuinely happy. She brought that out of him, and it made every moment precious to him.

 

Friday’s rehearsal went just as smoothly, even with the unexpected visit from Anakin and his mother.  They were a sight for sore eyes, and Leia beamed with pride as she heard her son sing. Anakin commended him, saying in rehearsal, he never sounded that good.  Ben doubted that was the truth, but he took it in stride, thanking his grandfather profusely. They shared some laughs and carried on with the rest of their day.

 

That evening as Ben and Rey were preparing to leave, Ben cleared his throat, catching Rey’s attention.

 

“So uhh...I know we’re off tomorrow, technically.  I’m wondering if you had any plans?” Ben asked with more confidence than he felt inside.  

 

“Are you wanting to rehearse even more?” Rey asked, jumping to conclusions.  “Goodness, you really are a workaholic. People weren’t kidding when they mentioned that.”

 

“No, no, I was thinking maybe we should take Ahsoka’s advice and bond some.  Would you like to have brunch with me and spend the day together?”

 

Rey was quiet for several minutes, gathering the sheet music and tapping it on a nearby table before sliding it into her briefcase.

 

“Well, I mean, it certainly wouldn’t hurt,” she suggested, her voice low as she considered.

 

“I mean if you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” Ben quickly offered in hopes of redeeming himself.

 

“No--that’s just it; I want to.  I just… wasn’t expecting how much I want…” her voice trailed off again.

 

“To go out with me?” Ben finished hopefully.

 

“Yes; to go out with you,” she said shyly, that rosiness returning to her cheeks once more.

 

“Then it’s a date.  I’ll see you around 10?  We can text and figure out what has the best brunch and then take it from there.”

 

“It’s a date.  I’ll be thinking about food and text you later.  See you tomorrow.”

 

Ben wasn’t sure why, but he felt the urge to kiss her goodbye.  He wasn’t sure where that impulse came from. He certainly didn’t act upon it, but stars, if he didn’t want to.  Desperately. Ironic, how he went from kissing the same woman one to two nights a week for months, and that was nothing--it was all for the show.  Yet now...now he desperately wanted nothing more than to lock his lips with the beautiful angel in front of him. Perhaps that’s the difference when it’s real life.

 

---

 

Rey took extra care with her appearance today.  She wore a flowy, pale blue button-down dress with a tiny white floral print and a pair of white leather sneakers.  She kept an umbrella handy as protection from the sun, in case they decided to take a walk outside. It was supposed to be a scorching hot day, and depending on where they went; it could be miserable without some proper shade.

 

She thought over their conversation from the previous afternoon when Ben called their bonding session a date .  Is that what this was?  No, it was simply them bonding, nothing more.  She wasn’t the dating type, let alone the fact that Ben was her stage partner.  She was a professional, and she’d never cross the line and date a fellow actor. No matter how charming and handsome he might be.  She knew better than to even consider it as such and would make sure to let him know right off the bat that there were boundaries. She’d draw a line and hope that he’d respect her enough not to cross it.

 

They agreed to have brunch at a Mexican cantina since Rey had a hankering for huevos rancheros.  She met Ben just past noon at a pub height table just outside on a shady cabana. Of course, she couldn’t exactly see him, per se, but she knew he was there as he was surrounded by a swarm of women.  Sighing to herself, she made sure to keep her sunglasses on as she shouldered her way past the women, who all protested in turn.

 

To his credit, Ben stood the moment he saw her approach, and leaned in for their new double kiss greeting, making the nearby fans sigh and reluctantly pull away.  Rey smirked as she watched one linger, batting her lashes and hoping to catch Ben’s eye. His attention was focused solely on Rey at that moment, and Rey lifted her glasses to rest on top of her head, staring intently at the fangirl till she turned away.

 

“Just so you know,” Rey said quietly, leaning in closer to Ben.  “This isn’t a date, okay?  I wanted to be sure we were both clear on this.”

 

“Oh, absolutely.  It’s simply us bonding outside the theater,” he replied without skipping a beat.

 

“Good, I’m glad we got that out of the way.  Quite a draw you had there a moment ago. Is it always that way when you go out?” Rey asked, eyeing another girl who leaned in to catch a better view of Kylo.

 

“Yeah, it’s mostly harmless.  I’ve only had a few try to follow me home, and one who broke into my apartment, but the local cops know me so they’re quick to respond.”

 

“Know you...because of these incidents, or do you have some skeletons you aren’t telling me about?”

 

“We all have skeletons, Angel.  Not all of them are from past crimes, though.  Unless you consider crimes of fashion to be an offense worth being arrested for,” Ben said with a laugh.

 

“I’ve certainly had my fair share,” Rey admitted with a shudder.

 

“You?” Ben asked, eyeing her thoughtfully. “No, I don’t believe that.  I’d imagine you’re always on the best-dressed list.”

 

“Hardly,” Rey scoffed, thanking the waiter who brought the raspberry margarita she had requested.

 

“Tell me about one of your worst looks,” Ben questioned, taking a long sip of his drink.  Rey wasn’t sure what it was, but she imagined it was what she quickly learned was his favorite - tequila.

 

“Alright well, one time I had this gown that I thought looked stunning on the runway, and they had it tailored to fit me.  It was black faux leather, one shoulder with a built-in choker and whatnot, right? It seems pretty harmless. Stylish and chic, or so I thought.  Wrong. I was looking over my pics from the evening, and I looked like I was wrapped in a garbage bag. The way the lights flashed off it, made it look cheap and, well - trashy.  Not to mention, my hair looked dreadful. My makeup was okay, though.”

 

“Well, at least they got something right about your look.  I’m sure it wasn’t that bad, honestly. We often think we look worse in pictures than we actually do in person.”

 

“It’s possible.  I doubt it, though.  They can be rather critical online and in tabloids.”

 

“Then don’t look online or at tabloids, plain and simple.  At least you know today you’ll be stunning in whatever pictures get taken of us,” Ben offered with a kind smile.

 

“You’re kidding me.  Here? Now?” Rey asked, suddenly nervous, her shoulders rising.

 

“Just across the street.  There’s always someone, Angel.  You just gotta know where to look,” Ben said, doing a toast of sorts to the paparazzi who was watching them closely.  “You know, we could always give them something to talk about if you’re game.”

 

Ben leaned in closely, angling his head just so.  Rey took a deep breath, turning away and taking a long sip of her drink.

 

“This isn’t a date, Ben,” Rey reminded him, breathing a sigh of relief as the waiter made his approach with their freshly cooked food in hand.

 

Rey squealed softly as the plate was placed in front of her, licking her lips and eyeing the steaming hot food.  She cut up the avocado on the side, artfully arranging it over her food before stabbing into the fried egg and letting the yolk spill out over the sauteed potatoes and other vegetables.  She tasted a bite and moaned blissfully as the flavors mingled on her tongue. Ordinarily, most restaurants would either under or over-season their food, but this was absolutely perfect.

 

“Do I need to give you a room with that dish?” Ben asked with a chuckle as he sliced into his carne asada.

 

“Mmm no, I just really appreciate well-made food,” Rey offered, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks.

 

Ben hummed in response, nodding appreciatively as he chewed his food.  They had chosen wisely, which was a pleasant surprise given that neither had eaten here prior to today.  They both agreed it would be nice to step outside their comfort zones and try something new. While they both wound up ordering their favorite meals, the location and atmosphere were different from what either was used to, and it wound up quickly becoming a new favorite.  Both agreed; they’d be back.

 

With stomachs full, they both leaned back in their chairs, enjoying the light breeze that swept up from the coast.  Rey breathed deeply the mingling scents of sea and Mexican cuisine, making sure to memorize the scent and catalog it in her mind as one of the most heavenly scents she ever had the pleasure of smelling.  She imagined this would be what it was like to visit the coast of Mexico, or perhaps one of the surrounding islands...only significantly hotter.

 

With the breeze, however, came an unwanted piece of litter, blowing directly into her lap.  Unwanted, that is until she read it.

 

“Ben, look at this,” Rey said, leaning in close and pointing at the paper that had landed in her lap.  “There’s a sandcastle competition just outside Coney Island today! Do you want to go?”

 

“Oooh, that sounds cool.  Yeah, count me in! Have you ever been to Coney Island?  We could play a few games and get on some of the rides if you were interested,” Ben suggested, making an off-hand gesture to signal for the check from the waiter.

 

Before she could pull out her wallet, Ben had already slipped his card into the envelope, and the waiter left.

 

“Not a -” Rey began.

 

“Date, I know, I know.  My mother taught me to always pay for a lady whenever you go out, no matter the circumstance,” Ben offered quickly in defense.

 

“Fair enough.  You’ll have to thank her for me, for raising a gentleman.”

 

“Thank her yourself, next time she comes to watch us practice,” Ben suggested, filling out the check and signing his name.

 

“Does she do that for other people?” Rey asked, suddenly curious.  She hadn’t heard from Rose or anyone else that Leia and Anakin were making rounds.

 

“Likely not, but then again, what do I know?  I shouldn’t flatter myself to think I’m the only one she cares about,” Ben said with a sigh.

 

“You don’t know that.  You could be,” Rey offered kindly.

 

“Yeah, could be…” Ben’s voice trailed off.  He cleared his throat, standing and sliding his glasses onto his face.  “You ready to go, Angel?”

 

“Lead the way.” 

 

Rey opened her umbrella as soon as they stepped out into the sun, and she angled it such that they both would be shaded.  She took a leisurely pace as they wandered up the boardwalk towards Coney Island, activity quickly becoming apparent as they witnessed the gathering crowds and gridded off sections of beach.  Rey had no idea that one could sculpt sand professionally, and never in her wildest dreams had she imagined she’d see such exquisite works of art. The competition was barely underway, and already she was elated, eager to see more.

 

“Let’s hang out in Coney Island for a bit, and we’ll check back in with the competition in a few hours,” Ben suggested, gesturing towards the busy amusement park.

 

“Can I make a tiny confession?” Rey asked as they paid their admission.

 

“What’s that, Angel?” Ben cocked his head curiously.

 

“I’ve never been here before,” she admitted shyly, glancing over the rim of her lowered sunglasses to gauge his reaction.

 

“Really?  Wow. I’ve been coming here regularly for as long as I can remember.  I mean...not much in recent years, but, you know how that is.”

 

Rey nodded in response, slipping her glasses back over her eyes.

 

“Welcome to heaven at the end of a subway ride,” Ben said with a sweeping gesture of the park.

 

Rey couldn’t help but giggle at that, wondering if he was at all serious, or if that was some kind of slogan he was quoting.  Either way, it sounded odd, calling a place like this heaven.  Heaven to her was untouched nature, with green as far as the eye could see.  But she wasn’t about to argue with him about that. She followed his lead as he directed her through to various games and points of interest.  

 

The first thing they did was to ride the ferris wheel, at which point Rey recounted memories of the Eye of London which had opened when Rey was a small child.  She vividly remembered riding on it, and feeling as though she were on top of the world.

 

“Just wait till you get on some of these roller coasters; then you’ll understand what being on top of the world feels like,” Ben offered in response.

 

“Oh, I’m sure about that.  Time for another confession,” Rey said, laughing as she saw Ben’s jaw drop.

 

“Don’t tell me you’ve never been on a roller coaster.”

 

“I’ve never been on a roller coaster.”

 

“Shut up, no way…” Ben teasingly nudged Rey with his elbow.  “Oh--you’re actually serious,” he said as her blush deepened, and she looked away shyly.

 

“Well, it might be a bit intense for you.  If you need to hold on to me, I don’t mind.  You can scream your lungs out, too, if you like.  We won’t be practicing tomorrow, so you’ll have plenty of time to rest your voice,” he suggested, eyeing her knowingly.

 

“Wait - scream my lungs out ?  Am I actually gonna do that?  Is it...is it that bad?” she asked, suddenly nervous.

 

“It’ll be fine, Angel.  I’ll be right next to you.  Just wait and see,” he encouraged, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

 

“I can do this; I can do this,” she began quietly, a mantra she repeated as they stood in line as they waited their turn to get onto the roller coaster.

 

She watched as the car made its slow ascent, jumping every time she heard the rush of the cars zoom past and the shrill screams of the riders.  Her nerves rose the closer they got, and her mantra grew a bit louder and quicker in cadence. Ben teased her that she sounded like the little engine who could and told her to relax.

 

Finally, it was their turn, and they slid into the seat of the roller coaster car, the bar brought down snug against their thighs.  Rey tapped against the bar nervously, staring at all the etched names and sayings that people had put on from previous rides, marked forever by those who couldn’t resist a little vandalism for the sake of immortality.  If all those people could do it - then so could she.

 

The car lurched forward just a moment before gliding upwards slowly with a steady clicking sound.  Rey looked around nervously, beginning her ‘I can do this’ mantra over gain. The higher they got, the more nervous she began, grasping tightly upon Ben’s bicep.  She squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her forehead against his shoulder.

 

“Angel,” he whispered, “open your eyes.”

 

The car came to a solid stop at the top of a steep incline.  The view all around was beyond spectacular. Sea and shore stretched out for miles on one side of the coaster, and the sprawling metropolis on the other.  People looked like ants beneath her, and the sandcastles and sculptures were unrecognizable. Her breath hitched for a moment, and her heart caught in her throat the moment the roller coaster resumed.  She didn’t realize she was screaming so much till she heard it in her own ears.

 

The ride was unlike anything she’d ever experienced.  It was a rush of wind and pure adrenaline, her body jerked side to side and being toyed with by gravity as she lifted off the seat for more than a moment.  

 

Rey knew her hair had to have been a mess by the time it was over, especially given how bad Ben’s looked.  She laughed outright at him, brushing his hair aside for him before they stepped out of the car. Her heart was racing, body slightly shaking, but for the first time ever she felt alive .  She could feel Ben watching her as she gathered her purse from the side.  He was waiting to see her reaction.

 

“That was incredible!  Can we do it again?” she asked, once they had cleared the area.

 

“As many times as you like,” Ben offered with a smile.

 

They wound up riding it three more times, much to Rey’s delight.  She quickly discovered she was an adrenaline junky and a decidedly fearless one at that.  With Ben at her side, she felt as though she could do anything, as she knew he’d keep her safe, and have fun in the process.  

 

After a relatively tamer ride through the Spookarama Haunted House, Rey decided that perhaps she wasn’t as fearless as she had initially anticipated, but was also a victim to the occasional jump scare.  Poor Ben’s arm would be bruised and battered by the time the day was over, but he didn’t seem to care.

 

Rey decided she’d had enough rides, and Ben offered to try to win her a prize on one of the random games that were spotted between rides and other attractions.  Rey was game - as long as she got to munch on a funnel cake. She had seen people walking around eating them. She noted that they looked--and smelled-- heavenly.  She was beginning to rethink what heaven meant to her. Although, deep in her heart, it would always be green. It just might have funnel cakes and roller coasters, too.

 

Ben won Rey not one but three stuffed animals.  A cat, a pig, and a ridiculously large bear.  He dutifully carried the bear for her, while she clung to the cat and pig.  She felt like a giddy school girl and was quickly realizing that maybe if this was a date, it wouldn’t have been such a bad one after all.  Renting a locker, they stashed their goodies inside and made their way back to the shore to spy on the finished pieces of the sculpture contest.

 

As if she hadn’t been amazed before!  Even the amateurs churned out magnificent pieces, as the simplest, most seemingly insignificant pieces stood out.  Each was more unique than the last, and Rey was blown away by the endless talent of those who had participated.  

 

The sun was just beginning to set by the time Ben and Rey had taken off their shoes and begun walking through gently crashing waves.  Rey held her skirt up, careful not to lift it too high, nor to let herself get too deep. Ben, on the other hand, didn’t care, running headlong into a larger wave, getting thoroughly drenched from head to toe.

 

“Hoo! That water is cold !” he shouted as he ran back at Rey, making her giggle mercilessly.  

 

He teasingly barreled after her, as if he would catch her and pull her in with him, but Rey ran the opposite direction.  She hadn’t laughed so hard in her life as he continued and failed to pull her under. She knew he was playing along with her, as if he had truly wanted to grab her he could easily have done so.  Rey found herself falling against him, her sides aching from laughing so hard.

 

She glanced up at him shyly through her lashes, her breathing evening out as she gazed deeply into his eyes.  Something changed at that moment - she couldn't have been sure what or how, but they had ceased to be Ben and Rey, stage partners, and instead became something else.  Something more .

 

He cradled her face, smoothing his thumb over her lips as he leaned in closer.  “I thought you said this wasn’t a date,” Ben murmured, and Rey could almost feel the movement of his lips against hers.

 

“I lied,” Rey said, leaning into him and pressing her lips firmly against his.

 

They withdrew for a moment, eyes searching one another for protest before diving back in and kissing with a greater passion.  It felt so natural, so right. Rey wrapped her arms over Ben’s shoulders, seeking to pull him closer into her as she felt herself sinking into the wet sand.

 

Just then, a huge wave crashed over Ben, drowning him, but merely misting Rey as Ben towered over her and took the brunt of it.  The impact of the water made him fall forward into her, Rey stepping back to regain her balance.

 

“Good thing you were already wet,” Rey said with a laugh.

 

“Yeah, no kidding.  Shew!” Ben said, shaking out his hair like a dog and getting her wet.

 

“Ahh! Ben!! You’re getting me wet!” she blurted out, before realizing the double meaning of her words.  She blushed profusely as Ben laughed hysterically at her.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Angel.  I’ll try to be better next time,” he promised while wearing the biggest smirk imaginable.

 

They made their way back up the beach, retreating to their locker and gathering their goods.  Ben managed to dry off mostly in the breeze and the lingering heat from the setting sun such that, when he was dry enough, he happily carried the large bear for Rey.

 

They made one final stop - to an airbrush tattoo stall where each got a small reminder of their day.  Each chose the other’s tattoo. Ben chose a tiny pair of angel wings for Rey, which she had done in a vibrant purple on her inner wrist.  Rey chose a small paw print for Ben, which he had done in deep indigo on his inner wrist.

 

“Why a paw print?” Ben asked as he watched the airbrush artist do their work.

 

“Because you’re like a puppy, shaking out all over me,” Rey teased, remembering back to their moment when the wave crashed over.

 

“That’s fair, Angel.  You know why I gave you wings.  So everyone else could know what you are to me,” Ben said sweetly, making Rey blush again .

 

“Oh, Ben,” Rey sighed, leaning into him and capturing his lips again.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

 

“Any time,” he whispered back.

Notes:

That 'not a date' date wound up WAY different than either anticipated! What do you guys think? Was it what you were expecting? Better? Worse? I'd love to hear theories as to how this will affect their partnership. Let me know either way! Don't feel like commenting here? Hit me up on Tumblr. Same name, wingless one! I'm always eager to talk!

Special shout out to my extraordinary beta, miss TMWillson3. She's an incredible author herself, so check her out if you're looking for something new! Thanks also to my friends ArtemisRose727, CajunSpice, and Lilia-ula. You ladies are such wonderful friends, and I love you all so much! Extra shout out to the ladies in the Space Cafe for letting me sprint with them! You know who you are. Your encouragement keeps me going.

Thank YOU, dear reader, for staying with this story! I appreciate the comments and kudos, they're like little gifts of happiness. I appreciate you all so much!

Chapter 7: No Second Thoughts

 

Sunday was a blur for Rey.  She had been so used to having two days off for the weekend to finish all the things she needed to do.  She had cleaning, cooking, and some much-needed downtime, not to mention her usual yoga classes.  Unfortunately, she had been missing her classes more often now that Kylo--Ben--was free from his daily theatrical performance of Burn This .

 

She was left dazed and confused by the outcome of Saturday’s events.  She had the time of her life with Ben, and not a moment went by that she thought about anything other than how genuinely happy she was.  He had brought that out of her with little effort, and she felt more like herself than she ever had before.  She felt alive, and if that had been his goal in inviting her out and bonding with her, then he had succeeded.

 

Unfortunately, what remained were the feelings of uncertainty.  Now that she had time to process the events, reality struck her.  While Rey had been her happiest in years, she also found herself falling.  It wasn’t painful, though.  On the contrary, it was the most blissful fall she had ever taken.  Falling in love with Ben Solo had been as easy as breathing.  She didn’t even have to think about it.  She remembered her cheeks aching from smiling so much.  She remembered how tender and sweet their kisses had been.  The way it felt to be held by him.

 

It was such an irresistible temptation to have him stay the night, but it was far too soon for that.  When he had dropped her off at her condo later that night, he had given her a gentle hug and kissed her forehead, whispering good night.  It was a blessing and a curse.  His unnerving, gentlemanly calm in the face of what could have been a beautiful mistake.  Her desire for him had risen even further when he turned and walked away, and she watched him disappear into the night.  He could have taken advantage of her weakness - the way he left her swooning - but he didn’t.  

 

It was maddening.  It was perfect .

 

That’s how she knew he was serious, that this meant something to him, too.  Somehow, that part confused her even more than the realization that she was falling for him.  Why would someone like him be interested in someone like her?  It was baffling, to say the least; yet there it was...or was it?

 

Shaking her head, Rey flipped her laundry load and began preparing their food for the week.  Cooking for Ben had been second nature for her ever since this event began a mere month ago.  Had it been that long?  She pulled out her cutting board and knives and began washing vegetables.  She’d start with a refreshing seven-layer salad, then make a pasta dish, and finish with roast beef and vegetables in the crockpot.  They’d figure out the rest as the week went by.

 

Before she knew it, she was getting ready for bed.  All meals cooked and properly packaged in individual servings.  All the laundry was folded and put away.  She had even managed to vacuum the entire condo and work on her porch garden.  While a part of her had wished she could have gotten more done, all in all, it was an exceptionally good weekend.

 

The next morning, she woke to a chime from her phone, indicating that she had a new message.  Sitting up in bed, Rey rubbed the sleep from her eyes before grabbing her phone and swiping at the screen.  It was from the director, Amilyn Holdo.

 

Group meeting at 10 AM sharp.  Meet on the stage, and be prepared to work!

 

Rey was grateful that she was always an early riser, regardless of the time that this had been sent, but she planned on arriving at the theater at least an hour early to get warmups out of the way.  Holdo said to be ready to work, and so she would do just that.  Dressed in another of her usual long black dresses, she opted to wear practical flats in case choreography would be involved. Grabbing food and a few water bottles, she flipped off all the lights and made her way for the subway.

 

Walking into the theater, she found that she was not the only one who had arrived early, and the sound of music resonated in the air as people took turns performing for their fellow castmates.  Rey had hoped that she would see Ben and was disappointed when she didn’t.  Quietly, she slipped away from the stage to head to their private rehearsal space.

 

Much to her surprise, Ben was there.  Rey acknowledged him in passing, trying not to make a big deal about him having arrived earlier than she did -- again.  She passed without looking at him as she went to the table to set down her things.  She went to the lounge and dropped off their food in the fridge before returning to the room.  She was greeted by the sound of softly murmuring voices as she reentered the room and immediately halted in her tracks.

 

Ben was stripped down to black briefs, and she saw a woman’s arms draw up around his waist.  Why on earth would he be so open about being intimate with someone in their rehearsal room?  Anyone could walk in at any moment.  Rey immediately flushed, sputtering apologies and quickly covering her eyes.  She heard Ben call out her name but didn’t listen as she ran from the room.  

 

Rey hadn’t realized the theater was such a labyrinth until she tried running through it to get away from the scene she wished she hadn’t walked in on.  Ben with another woman .  Not two days after they had what she had considered to be the best date of her life.  Collapsing to the ground, Rey gave into her emotions as she quietly wept.  She thought Ben was different.  She had allowed herself to fall for him, his charm, and his sweet kisses.  The way he behaved like a perfect gentleman and swept her off her feet with little effort.  It was all a lie.  Why bother putting up such an act for nothing ?  She was such a fool.

 

Rey sniffled when she heard the patter of bare feet on the old hardwood floors.  Ben .  She drew her knees up to her chest, turning away to hide her tears.  “Go away, Kylo.”

 

“Rey, what’s the matter?” he asked softly, crouching down beside her.

 

In her peripheral vision, she noticed that he was still undressed as if he had literally run away from whatever woman had been servicing him.  The disgusting pig.  Chasing after Rey as if using one woman wasn’t enough, what sort of man was he?

 

“I-I’m sorry.  I didn't mean to interrupt,” Rey whimpered weakly.  “You should--you should get back.  Get back to her…” her voice trailed off weakly.

 

“I’m sorry, interrupt ?  What on Earth do you think was happening -- you know what, nevermind.  I know what you think,” Ben said with a heavy sigh.  “Listen, Rey, you weren’t interrupting anything.  We were almost finished.”

 

“Oh, so that’s supposed to make it better?” Rey asked, glancing up at him with bleary eyes.

 

“Of course it is, Angel.  That’s Hera Syndulla, our seamstress .  You’re next,” Ben explained, leaning in to caress Rey’s shoulders.

 

“Our seamstress?” Rey blinked in surprise at the realization.  “Oh wow.  Now I’m really sorry.  I had thought she was…”

 

Ben cut her off by pressing a finger to her lips.  “Shh, you don’t have to say it; I wouldn’t do that to you.  You should know me better by now.”

 

Rey pressed a tender kiss to his finger.  “I thought I did,” she murmured.

 

“No one knows me better than you do,” he confessed with a small smile.

 

Rey returned his smile, wiping at her eyes before rolling on her heels to stand.  Ben stood, too, and Rey found herself at eye level with his bare chest.  Glancing down she noted he stood in the middle of the hall in nothing but his briefs.  As if being practically naked was something new for him?  He stripped in Burn This and walked around in a silky purple kimono for the better part of the second act.  This was nothing for him.  He was extremely comfortable in his skin.  

 

Looking anywhere but at Ben, Rey tried her hardest not to gawk at his body as they made their way down the hall.  She barely contained her snicker as they passed several castmates whose eyes practically bulged out of their skull at the sight of Ben in his state of undress.  He hardly seemed fazed and took it all in stride.  

 

In their room once more, Rey watched as their seamstress finished.  The petite woman had the hardest time reaching Ben’s shoulders and wound up grabbing a chair to stand on to complete her measurements.

 

“Alright, next?” Hera called out, eyeing Rey expectantly.

 

Ben lumbered away after his clothes and began casually dressing as if he were in the comfort of his own home, lounging shirtless on a nearby couch.

 

“You, out,” Rey said with no pretense.

 

“What?” Ben asked, feigning innocence as he blinked up at Rey from his perch on the couch.

 

“You may be comfortable in your skin, but I feel the exact opposite.  I’d prefer to be fitted in privacy."

 

Ben had the nerve to pout.  Rey arched a brow at him, tapping her foot impatiently and pointing to the door.  “Out,” she added definitively.

 

“Okay, okay, I’ll keep watch at the door and give you your space.” 

 

Rey let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding until the door closed behind Ben.

 

“So, not comfortable in your skin, you say?” Hera questioned when Rey turned to face her.  “Is that why you got so flustered and ran when you came in earlier?”

 

“Yeah...something like that.  I’ve always been a very private person,” Rey confessed, being as honest as she could.

 

“Right, well I’ll make this quick then,” Hera said gently, holding up her measuring tape and offering a reassuring smile.

 

Rey begrudgingly stripped to her underwear, immediately feeling more naked than she had in a while, and knowing that Ben was just outside the door didn’t help, either.  She felt tense, and Hera had to remind her several times to loosen up so that she could get more accurate measurements.  Rey felt at her most comfortable whenever she sang, so she began humming softly to herself, making Hera look up at her and smile from where she was kneeling.

 

“So that’s why he calls you Angel,” Hera said with a soft laugh.

 

Rey said nothing, but her eyes spoke volumes as she gazed at the other woman, whose expression was knowing.

 

“The great thing about being a seamstress is that everyone talks to you.  You learn a lot about a person when they’re forced to be still for you while you work around them,” Hera explained.

 

“I see,” Rey mused thoughtfully, looking off in the distance and pondering the meaning behind Hera’s words, and just what Hera and Ben had discussed before Rey walked in.  She loosened as she felt Hera gently press on her shoulders to encourage her to relax.

 

“Anything you’d like me to make note of before I go?” Hera asked as she began rolling up her tape measure.

 

“Oh...uhm.  If you could make sure my scar is covered, I’d be most grateful,” Rey said, reddening with embarrassment at the mere mention of the horrific scar that crossed over her right thigh.

 

“I’ll do my best.  The design has already been predetermined by Ms. Holdo.  If I recall, she wants your skirt to have a slit.  I’ll see if I can put it on the left side.”

 

“Or just avoid it entirely?  I wish I could see the design,” Rey prompted, looking hopeful as she eyed Hera.

 

“Well, unfortunately, the designs are in my studio, so you’ll just have to be surprised.  You’ve got such a perfect little body though; I don’t understand why you’re so shy about it,” Hera said, her compliment sounding genuine, but it made Rey feel all the more uncomfortable as she pulled her dress back over her head.

 

“I just...I don’t feel comfortable,” Rey said, leaving it at that.

 

“We’re all different,” Hera offered kindly.  “Would you like me to call Kylo back in for you?”

 

“Yes, please,” Rey beamed, warming up at the mere mention of Ben.

 

To think, not twenty minutes ago she was certain he was in the middle of an act of intimacy with this kind-hearted and soft-spoken seamstress.  She shook her head, laughing quietly at herself as she heard Ben bidding Hera a good day.

 

“Look who came to join us!” Ben chimed, drawing Rey’s attention to their pianist, Tallie.

 

Soon, they began their warm-ups, and Rey floated on the notes he sang, crystal clear and piercing through to her heart in a way they hadn’t before.  She had always been enchanted by his voice, but after their weekend spent bonding and growing closer, and the tenderness in which he reassured her earlier, his voice did things to her that she hadn’t anticipated.  Her heart beat a little faster, and she felt the heat rising in her cheeks as she regarded him, and the soft smile that he graced her with.

 

As they switched to their performance song, Ben gazed at Rey with longing and intent as he sang his part, the words flowing from his lips in an intoxicating siren song.  By the time it was her turn to sing, she found herself shaking her head to cease being dazed by the spell he had put her under.  As she continued to sing, she grew more confident, not even looking at the music, but instead leaning into the piano and pacing around to stand at Ben’s side.  Then they sang together, and their harmonies flowed effortlessly.

 

Then came his acapella solo where he sang the All I Ask of you Reprise .

 

Rey actually felt tears pricking in her eyes, blown away by how easily he slipped into those higher notes, the softness he exuded, and the emotions etched upon his face.  She didn’t realize she had been holding her breath until he had ceased singing.  Hearing a sharp gasp, she glanced over to see Tallie had also seemingly been holding her breath as he sang.

 

“Kylo, you’ve been practicing; that was incredible ,” Tallie complimented.  All Rey could do was nod and agree.

 

Rey blinked several times and cleared her throat, glancing down at her watch.

 

“We need to go.  Thank you, Tallie, for helping us.  I’m not sure how long this group meeting will be, but perhaps we’ll see you again later?” Rey said, nodding to their pianist before turning towards Ben.  

 

He gestured for her to lead the way, and she turned, making her way out the room.  Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she trembled slightly at the mere proximity of Ben.  A part of her wanted to reach out and grab his hand, but another part was afraid of what others might think.  Instead, she kept her hands to herself, walking a bit faster in an effort to make it to the stage without any awkward conversation.

 

Ben and Rey were greeted immediately by Poe, Finn, and Rose upon entering the stage.  Hugs and kisses were fond greetings among the friends as they speculated the intent of the group meeting.  

 

“I bet they’re going to give us the final order of performances,” Rose offered optimistically.

 

“No, I’m thinking they’ll introduce a group performance,” Poe suggested.

 

“Why not both?” Rey asked, folding her hands in her lap as she perched on a stool.

 

“I’m with Rey; I’m thinking they’ll do both,” Ben offered supportively.

 

Rey smiled up at him sweetly, and Ben returned the smile, offering a sly wink.  Rey’s heart fluttered at that, and she was hoping no one noticed the way she was staring at him.  Ben’s eye was then caught by someone else he recognized, who was approaching from across the stage.

 

“Bodhi?” he called out, his tone amused.

 

“Kylo, my man!  What are you doing here?” his former castmate asked, clapping him on the shoulder.

 

“I’m part of this performance.  How about you?” Ben asked, genuine surprise etched across his features.

 

“Me too!  I’m doing the opening number, a song from Evita ,” Bodhi offered in explanation.

 

“Wait, you already know the order of things?” Rose asked dubiously.  This wasn’t the first time she was the last to know.

 

“Yeah, they knew I could pull off the performance, so they asked me to go first to get the crowd going,” Bodhi offered with a smug grin.

 

“ Evita , you say?” Poe asked, his interest piqued. “No way, I’m doing a song from Evita, too!”

 

On and on their conversation went, focusing on the newcomer and speculating over the rest of the performances that would be involved with their fellow castmates.

 

Soon, Amilyn Holdo and Luke Skywalker made their way across the stage, and everyone grew silent.  Ben rested his hands on Rey’s shoulders, standing quietly behind her.  Rey resisted the urge to reach up and clutch both hands in hers, instead, stiffening her posture in hopes he would get the message and loosen his grip.  He did after several minutes, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze and releasing her.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Luke announced, catching everyone’s attention. “Thank you all for making it in a timely fashion.  I’m sure you’re all speculating what we’re here to do, and so I’m going to turn things over to our lovely director and let her make the announcements.”

 

“Thank you, Luke,” Amilyn said with a gracious nod.  “So a few announcements before we begin rehearsing again.  Right now, sheets are going around that have a breakdown of the event and the order of songs.”  

 

She retrieved a stack of sheets and passed half to her left and the other half to her right.

 

“I’m sure you’ll notice right away that after intermission there will be a group performance number.  This was chosen by our wonderful benefactor, a man you all know as the original Phantom, Mr. Anakin Skywalker.  With this in mind, it only makes sense that he has chosen a number from the Phantom of the Opera , which will be Masquerade .”

 

Chatter rose as the gathered group weighed in on the order of the evening.  Some seemed less than enthusiastic, but overall there was a positive vibe among the performers.  Rey noticed rather ruefully that she and Ben were to perform last - as a finale of sorts.  One has to draw them in at the beginning and then leave them satisfied at the end, or so she’d always been told.  

 

So according to the mighty Skywalkers, a performance by a Skywalker is what’s needed to leave everyone satisfied in the end?  She smirked at that thought, glancing over at Ben and seeing him shake his head as if he had the same thought.

 

Rey didn’t mind, but she felt a heavy burden of expectation to bring the show out with a bang.  She chewed on her lip anxiously as she regarded her fellow castmates who surrounded her.  Suddenly she wished she could be somewhere else, and her heart clenched.  She swallowed nervously and walked toward the side stage to grab a bottle of water.  

 

There seemed to be mini-fridges with bottles of water that were always fully stocked throughout the theater, and she was grateful for it.  It must have been something they started doing recently to keep everyone hydrated, as it was summer, and heat strokes were a more common occurrence at this time of year. 

 

After she finished the bottle, she chucked it into the recycle bin and forced a smile, walking headlong into the gathered group.  Ben handed her the music for Masquerade, and everyone gathered around in a semi-circle as their pianist, Tallie, began playing the music.  Rey smiled at that; Tallie always put her at ease - as did her friends, Rose, Finn, and Poe...and now, Ben.  Suddenly, she didn’t feel as nervous about her role, and instead pushed herself to learn the music for their second song.

 

Three hours of hard practicing, and they were released for a lunch break.  From the side stage appeared a little girl, barreling headlong towards Finn and Poe.  Little Beatrice, also known as BB.  She squealed 'Daddy' as she greeted them with open arms.  Rey smiled somewhat sadly at the sight of the little girl who was showered with affection before her elder nanny huffed along from behind.  

 

Rey felt her biological clock ticking, and her heart clutched again - but for an entirely different reason.  Her friends all had such successful careers and families.  Neither of which she felt was possible at this time in her life.  While she was still relatively young, time spent away from the theater aged her and made her feel passe.  She feared she’d never figure things out the way they had.  She longed to go back in time and maybe make different choices.  Then again, where would it land her today?  Would she have still done this event?  Would she have still met Ben?

 

It was all well and good to admit to herself that she was falling for him, but she knew she needed to talk to him desperately.  She needed a better understanding of what to expect from him now, and whether or not their date would impact their performance both on stage and professionally as stage partners.  Had that kiss they shared meant something to him, too?  It wasn’t forced, was it?  Did he simply go along to indulge her?  So many questions plagued her mind that she hardly noticed Ben standing next to her, until she felt him gently shake her arm.

 

“Hello, Earth to Rey?” he said in a concerned tone, waving his hand over her face.  “Ah there you are, you zoned out big time.  Let's go grab some food before we lose too much more time, okay?”

 

“Right, sure.  I’m sorry,” Rey offered weakly.

 

She cast a lingering glance at Poe, Finn, BB, and the Nanny as she watched them have a picnic of sorts while perched on the edge of the stage.  She followed Ben to the lounge, absently noting he had claimed one of the remaining free tables for them to sit together at.

 

“I brought us salads today; I figured it would be refreshing after the heatwave we’ve been experiencing,” Rey explained as she ducked her head into the refrigerator in the kitchen.

 

“You know I’d eat anything you brought, Rey,” Ben admitted, taking the bowl.

 

She settled next to Ben at a table, and together they dove into their salads as Rey pondered how to broach the subject of their new status.  Just as she was about to speak, Bodhi showed up, food container in hand and eyeing Ben expectantly.

 

“Can I join you guys?” he asked hopefully.  “You are the only ones I know of around here since I joined the cast late.”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine; have a seat,” Ben offered kindly, gesturing to the empty seat next to him.

 

Bodhi settled down, eyeing their dishes thoughtfully.  “Wow, you two have the exact same thing.  Cute, it’s like you’re a couple or something.” 

 

“Well, actually--” Ben began.

 

“I cook lunch for us every day,” Rey explained quickly.  “Kylo brings us breakfast and coffee.  It works out.  Something we arranged early on.”

 

“Nice,” Bodhi said, not adding anything else.  

 

Rey felt like she had been judged, though, and couldn’t determine just how or why.  He had claimed they were like a couple.  Is that what they were?  Stage partners, yes, but she had begun cooking for him long before she tolerated him - let alone fell.  No, it was a coincidence.  Maybe Bodhi just wasn’t used to the way people in musical theater treated each other.  She had cooked for her fellow castmates before; it was something she enjoyed doing.  A favorite past time of hers, sharing openly with her loved ones the very thing she had lacked as a child.  Food was something she bonded with people over.  Ben wasn’t the only one who benefited.

 

Of course, if she and Ben were a couple, she certainly wouldn’t complain.

 

Rey sat quietly, listening to the men chat among themselves as she disappeared into the chair, eating her salad almost robotically.  She didn’t taste it; she simply consumed it.  The words played over and over in her mind, and she nearly jumped when she heard the fifteen-minute announcement that lunchtime was almost over.  Refocusing on her surroundings, she offered a friendly farewell to Bodhi as he took his leave, noticing that the room had already cleared out, and she was left with empty bowls and Ben.

 

“Are you okay, Angel?” he asked softly, reaching over to tuck a stray hair behind her ear.

 

“No, actually, I’m not,” she admitted quietly, leaning into his touch.

 

“What’s wrong?  You can tell me,” Ben prodded gently.

 

“Well, you see, it’s kind of complicated,” she confessed slowly. “I-I think I’m falling.  I’m falling for..for -”  She hung her head, unable to finish the words, hoping Ben would understand.

 

“Shh keep it down, love.  Voices carry,” Ben said, immediately picking up on what she was trying to say.

 

Rey swallowed nervously, tears welling in her eyes.  Why was this so hard--and why did he want her to keep it quiet?  She heard the sound of his chair scraping the floor and glanced up to notice him shift to where he faced her directly.  He cradled her face in both his hands, thumb swiping at the tears that had betrayed her.  “Don’t be afraid.  I feel it, too” he admitted, leaning in and pressing a tender kiss to her lips.

 

Rey leaned into him further, a tiny smile playing at her lips as she pressed her forehead against his.  “You do?”  she questioned, needing to hear him admit it again.

 

“I fell for you the moment I first saw you,” Ben whispered, his eyes soft as he lovingly gazed at her.

 

“Ben,” was all she could say in response.

 

“There you two are!” a voice called out, shocking them from their reverie.  Thankfully, it was just Rose, who wore a Cheshire grin that made Rey roll her eyes.  “Come on, we’re starting up again!”

 

“We’re right behind you,” Rey said before leaning in and pressing one final kiss to Ben’s lips.

Notes:

Special shout outs to my writing team, with the extraordinary Beta, Miss TMWillson3, and my girls ArtemisRose727, CajunSpice, and Lilia_ula. You ladies rock my world and help encourage me to be the writer I am today! Thank you so much!

Thank YOU, dear reader, for taking time out of your busy day to give this story a read! Feel free to drop a line and let me know what you think will happen next, and how this will impact their performance. Will it strengthen it, or make it weak? Will it leave the impact that the Mighty Skywalkers are after, or will it fizzle? Don't feel like commenting here? Say hello on Tumblr; I'm Winglessone there, too :) Thanks again for everything!

Chapter 8: No Backward Glances

 

“Good morning, Angel,” Ben called out as he greeted Rey when she walked in.  

 

It was Friday again, and the week flew by quicker than a blink of an eye.  They had been working hard all week learning the group routine for Masquerade, and they almost had the choreography nailed down for that.  Today was their first day back in their private rehearsal room working together on their own piece.

 

“Ben,” Rey said, smiling sweetly as she leaned in and kissed him tenderly.

 

“You know, one of these days we’re gonna have to start staying together; it would make it so much easier,” Ben suggested, handing Rey her coffee.

 

“Don’t you think it’s too soon for that?” Rey asked, trying her hardest not to sound as shocked as she felt.

 

“I like to move fast; what can I say?  My last girlfriend and I moved in together after our first date,” he explained with a shrug as he took a long sip of his coffee.

 

“But you two aren’t together anymore,” Rey pointed out, retrieving warm-up music from her briefcase.  She handed Ben his music and settled down at the piano.

 

“That’s a fair point, but it wasn’t meant to be,” Ben mused, looking at Rey longingly.

 

“One step at a time, Romeo, we haven’t even said the three little words,” Rey offered, taking a final sip of her coffee before settling down on the piano bench.  She struck a chord, and Ben slipped into autopilot, singing back to her the notes she played.

 

They had just finished their latest hymn that Rey had brought for practice when Tallie came in.

 

“We’ll need to cut this short today, guys,” Tallie began as she situated herself.  “I’ve got a performance with the philharmonic this evening, and we have rehearsal this afternoon.”

 

“No worries, we need to discuss our set with the project manager anyway,” Ben offered with a reassuring smile.

 

After several solid run-throughs of the song, and a round of Masquerade for good measure, Tallie bid Ben and Rey a good afternoon and left them to their own devices.  Rey gathered the music and put it away, eyeing Ben curiously as he made his approach.  He stood before her, stroking her hair back before dipping down and kissing her passionately.  Rey was breathless by the time the kiss had ended, and gazed up at him in a dazed wonder.

 

Rey blinked several times to snap out of her daze. “What was that for?”

 

“No reason.  Just because I can.  There have been so many times I’ve wanted to do that over the past month, you have no idea,” Ben explained, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead.

 

“Mmm well I’m glad you waited; I don’t think I could have handled that a month ago,” Rey admitted, nuzzling against him in their embrace.

 

“Who knows?” Ben asked.

 

He leaned in to pepper more kisses on the corner of her mouth before drawing her in for a deeper, longer kiss.  Rey swooned, drunk on his kiss, hardly able to stand as she stumbled back, gripping her hand on the side of the table.

 

Ben chuckled softly in response.  “Let’s go find Luke, shall we?”

 

“Mmm probably for the best.  I don’t want to think about what would happen if you keep that up,” Rey confessed, biting her lip as she gazed up at him.

 

“Don’t tempt me, sweetheart. There’s a couch over there, and our door locks.  I’m trying to be good because you’re special to me, and I don’t want to screw things up.”

 

“That’s fair.  Another day, perhaps?” Rey asked, knowing fully that she wasn’t ready for that day even before she said it.  Because that meant something she wasn’t ready for, and likely would never be ready for.  She couldn’t resist the tease, however, as it was an irresistible part of their dynamics as a couple.

 

“Oh, I can guarantee that,” Ben said without hesitation.  

 

He smirked knowingly, looking her up and down.  He paused for a moment longer than Rey had anticipated but then turned away, heading for the door. Rey breathed a sigh of relief, simultaneously grateful and disappointed.  She was confused as to what she wanted from him, but felt confident that whatever happened would progress naturally.  She appreciated that Ben was taking his time, especially given the knowledge that he ordinarily moved fast.  That certainly didn’t surprise her, but his consideration and gentlemanly bravado left her swooning in ways beyond his intensely passionate kisses.

 

She followed his lead like a lost, little puppy as he meandered through the labyrinth in the theater halls until they reached the administrative offices.  Inside they saw Luke and Amilyn standing over a stack of papers and watching a video on the computer, chatting and pointing out aspects.  It was then that they realized their group rehearsals had been recorded, and they were discussing the choreography and expectations.

 

Ben knocked on a nearby bookshelf. “Excuse me,” he called out.  “Are we interrupting?”

 

“No, not at all,” Amilyn answered, offering a warm smile as she regarded Ben and Rey.  “I was just finishing up with Luke here.  Did you need him or me?”

 

“Luke,” Rey said, returning Amilyn’s smile.

 

“Very well then, I’ll be on my way,” Amilyn offered with a slight wave, gathering her things and exiting the office.

 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Luke prompted.  “I thought you all were coming later in the day?”

 

“No, our pianist had to leave early today so we’re done rehearsing,” Ben explained, leaning against the bookshelf and eyeing one of the awards on the nearest shelf.

 

“Wonderful then, have a seat, both of you, and tell me what you had in mind for your set,” Luke encouraged, gesturing to two worn but comfortable-looking chairs opposite his antique wooden desk.

 

“I can do you one better,” Ben offered.  “Give me a pen and paper, and I can draw for you my vision.”

 

“You have a vision?” Rey asked, cocking her head to regard Ben as she settled in one of the chairs.

 

“Oh yes, something I thought would be perfect, given the music.  If you and I can pull this off, our performance will be show-stopping,” Ben explained, sketching as he spoke.  He turned the paper towards Luke and set down his pen, settling in the chair next to Rey.

 

“Oh my.  Well, this is a wonderful set, but I don’t think we have the budget for it,” Luke said, immediately dismissing Ben’s ideas.

 

“Nonsense.  If you all are wanting a spectacle to end the show, then we can give it to them.  It’s not enough that our voices are incredible; the audience deserves a dramatic showing as well,” Ben said in defense of his work.

 

“Wait, what are we talking about?” Rey asked, feeling out of the loop.

 

“Look,” Luke said, handing Rey the sketch.  “What you’ve proposed is perfect - exactly what we would need, for the exact reason you’re arguing, but I’m telling you right now, we can't afford that set with our budget.  I’m putting my foot down on this.”

 

“Ben...are those...are those stairs?  Is that a catwalk?  Are you seriously suggesting that you and I incorporate that into our performance?” Rey asked nervously, her hand shaking as she pointed to the catwalk.

 

“Absolutely, it would look incredible, and with the flames and lighting, it would perfectly offset the - “ Ben paused when he took in Rey’s dazed expression.  “What is it, Angel?” he asked, turning toward her.

 

“I ... I can’t do that.  Not with the catwalk.  I’m sorry, I just … the height …” Rey tried to explain, stuttering over her words.  Her voice cracked weakly, and her trembling went beyond her hand to her whole body.  She was petrified with fear as the memory of her accident gripped her again.

 

“Ben, as much as I’d like to let you do whatever you want to do, I’d pay attention to your partner’s reaction.  Not to mention we do not have the budget to support something like this.  The flames and lighting, yes, but the catwalk is out.  End of discussion.”

 

“So then we can rely on choreography and our performance to make it grand.  That’s doable, I suppose.  I just hope Anakin isn’t disappointed in you for rejecting my ideas,” Ben said pointedly, glaring at his uncle.  

 

“My father will want what’s best for his money; he’s already made a gamble including you in this performance.  Don’t make me remind you your place in all this,” Luke threatened lowly.

 

“Oh, I know exactly why I’m here: to draw in the crowd.  Well, guess what, you can fucking --” Ben shifted forward in his chair, gripping the armrests a little too tightly.  His white-knuckled grip indicated a deeper seeded rage than what he exuded.

 

“Gentlemen!” Rey shouted loudly, cutting off the heated battle before it grew any worse.  “Please.  Look, Ben, your idea is wonderful, and if it were with anyone else, I’d encourage you to push for it.  But let's simplify the plan.  Do this for me, though, okay?  Our performance will be just fine.  I’m not worried if you’re not worried.” 

 

“I’m not worried,” Ben said, gently, resting his hand on top of hers.  “I just want it to be the best it can possibly be.”

 

“And it will be, I promise,” Rey assured, patting her free hand on top of his.

 

“Fine,” Ben said, turning towards Luke.  “Take out the catwalk, but leave the flames and have the choreographer work around that.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Luke said, his face grim.  He softened when he looked at Rey. “It was a pleasure seeing you, Rey.  I hope you have a great day.” 

 

“Thank you, Luke,” Rey said fondly.

 

At that, Ben and Rey stood, making their leave of the administrative office.  They walked in silence for several minutes before Rey’s curiosity got the better of her.

 

“What’s with the family dynamics?” she asked quietly.

 

“That’s...a conversation for another time and another place,” Ben explained darkly.

 

“Sorry I asked,” Rey lamented, shaking her head as she looked away.

 

“No, Angel, it isn’t your fault.  Don’t be sorry at all, okay?  It’s my problem.  One of these days I’ll handle it.  Today just isn’t that day,” Ben offered in consolation.

 

Much to Rey’s surprise, she realized that he had led them to the stage.  All the main lighting had been switched off, but with a flick of a switch, a single row of red lights illuminated the stage.  Rey watched curiously as he walked to a computer and scrolled a bit before making his selection.  Over the loudspeakers of the theater came the soothing sound of piano music.

 

“May I have this dance?” he asked, reaching for her hand.

 

Rey smiled shyly, placing her hand in his and giggling as he pulled her in closely.  Their bodies pressed together in a comfortable embrace, and Rey rocked her hips against Ben as they moved in sync, dancing slowly around the stage.  Smiling up at Ben, she closed her eyes as he dipped her back, before gently pulling her back into his embrace.

 

“You were asking about my family,” Ben said softly, as he rested his cheek against Rey’s hair.  “You see, it's quite difficult for me to discuss - not because I had a background like yours, but because my background was so fucking perfect .”

 

“How is that a bad thing?” Rey asked, gently swaying to the rhythm as they stood in place, simply holding each other while they talked.

 

“It was perfect because my world was on stage, and I saw it all through rose-colored lenses.  My family was always in the spotlight, and it was what they wanted for me,”  Ben explained, and then his voice grew so quiet that Rey had to strain to hear him.  “I wanted it, too, but I didn’t want to rise to fame simply because of who I was.” 

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

 

“It’s quite selfish, I know,” he continued.  “My mother wanted to claim my fame as her own, and I would have none of it.  Which is why I changed my name and followed my own path.  I had to do it; it was the only way I would have survived in showbiz.”  

 

He stopped swaying all together, pulling back to gaze at Rey.  “I couldn’t imagine doing this sort of thing all the time.  I love working with you, but the musical scene just isn’t me.  It’s too light and perfect.  I can’t handle it.  I like the uncertainty that traditional theater offers.  You can express yourself in a wider range of emotions.  It draws things out that you never knew you had in you.  It’s flawed, but perfect in its imperfections and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

Rey nodded, uncertain how else to respond.  She couldn’t imagine what a joy it must have been to see all the different productions that he must have seen in his lifetime.  His childhood may have been viewed through rose-colored lenses, but at least he didn’t have to struggle.  At the same time, they were very much the same, and she understood where he was coming from.  Musical theater was a little too perfect.  Perhaps that had been why seeing him in his element had been such a shock - and a wonderful surprise.

 

Ben Solo had acting chops, and damned good ones at that.  His range alone was mind-blowing, and she would hate to have imagined that limited in any way, simply to satisfy someone else.  Suddenly, it made sense to her why he had wanted to do such a dramatic set.  Not to be cruel by forgetting her condition and the accident she suffered, no, he wanted to be different .  He wanted to make his mark on stage and give his signature stamp as Kylo Ren, not as Ben Skywalker Solo.

 

He might have meant it as the ultimate fuck you to his uncle, but at the same time, he was bringing what the crowd was expecting from a performer like him.  High drama, and exquisite attention to details.  Traditional theater aspects on a musical stage.  Based on what she had remembered of the sketch, once she got over the fact that there was a high catwalk, she saw the dynamic beauty that the whole thing had to offer with the spiral stairs, the catwalk, the hanging ropes and the fire pits.  Even the shimmering metallic flames themselves that danced with the lighting.  It was a spectacle that she wanted to be a part of.

 

“Ben,” Rey whispered, looking up at him.  “Let’s go back to Luke and put our foot down once and for all.  Let’s build that set together and make a memorable show-stopping performance.”

 

“Are you sure, Angel?” Ben asked, cocking his head.

 

“Yes, I may not like the height, but I have faith in you.  If we build this together , I’ll know it’s safe.  I trust you, and I know you won’t let me down.  Maybe we could even bring in Finn and Poe to help with the construction?” she suggested.

 

“So then...you’re willing to help me face him?” Ben asked again, his face full of wonder.

 

“Absolutely.  You have a vision; who am I to hold you back from making it happen?” Rey reasoned.  “Today is the day,” she added, her expression determined.

 

After a strangely calm and collected conversation with Luke, Ben stood his ground with Rey backing him, offering support as needed.  The more he spoke, the more confident he seemed, and that comforted Rey.  She knew that although the idea of what he was proposing was terrifying, it would be worth it to face her fears just to see his dream realized.  

 

Later that evening, they met with Poe and Finn at the Dameron family house.

 

“So you were a set-designer before you got into acting?” Ben asked curiously.

 

“Oh yeah, it’s funny, ‘cause one day I was building this set and they were having a dress rehearsal for a play.  I had been working behind the scenes from day one, so I had the lines memorized.  Well the lead actor was sick that day, and there I was, painting a banister and I blurted out the lines.  The rest, as they say, is history,” Poe explained as he mixed drinks for Ben and Rey at their mini bar.

 

“Yeah, I was the sick one he replaced that day.  Needless to say, once he became my understudy, things between us developed.  Now look at us!” Finn said, leaning in to kiss Poe on the cheek.

 

“He’s definitely the one with the better acting chops though,” Poe complimented, looking lovingly at his husband.  “That’s why I’m the stay-at-home dad.”

 

“Hey, aren’t you always telling other people not to inflate my ego?” Finn questioned, nodding between everyone for a toast.

 

“Yeah, but I’m different.  I can inflate it all I want to because I love you and you deserve the praise,” Poe offered sweetly, affectionately caressing Finn’s arm.

 

“Alright, guys, enough sap.  I think I’m getting a cavity from you two,” Rey chuckled.

 

“Sure, sure.  Just you wait, Rey, whenever you find a man lucky enough to win your heart, you’ll be just as sappy and affectionate,” Poe said pointedly before taking a long sip of his cocktail.

 

“Maybe,” Rey said, hoping she wasn’t blushing too much.  She glanced over at Ben who graced her with his signature lopsided smile.

 

“Right, so Rey told me you had an idea?  Let’s see it,” Poe asked, turning towards his laptop and pulling up some designing software.

 

Several hours later, Ben and Rey found themselves at a home improvement store with a list of building materials from Poe.  The build was going to be costly - but they had been able to convince Luke to allow them to do it once they had offered to pay for it themselves.

 

Rey knew Luke’s reasoning behind nixing the build initially had more to do with the fact that he was handling the budgeting for the production and had to keep costs just right.  It wasn’t to spite his nephew; in theater things had to be balanced.  If you spent more money on the production than you gained from the audience then you wouldn’t make profit.  It was simple logic.  Given that this was a fundraiser, they wouldn’t be profiting from this at all.  Any remaining money from the budget would be paid to the performers.

 

Now with the build, their days were getting long. They would rehearse their singing, choreography and group number for eight hours and then spend another two or three hours working on building the design.  Rey went home sore and tired and often fell asleep in the tub in an effort to soothe her achy muscles.

 

It had been absolutely worth it, though.  The set was incredible, and the choreographer loved what it had to offer in terms of their performance, building their moves around the new design.  Rey was satisfied because she knew for a fact that it would be stable, having seen it built from start to finish.  She trusted Poe and Ben, and knew that they would never let anything happen to her.  She still wasn’t entirely willing to climb up there once it was finished until she saw Ben and Poe jumping around and proving to her that it was absolutely stable.  Even then, she was skeptical.

 

“Do you trust me?” Ben asked, suddenly serious as he gazed upon her intently.

 

“Absolutely,” Rey said without hesitation.

 

“Let me blindfold you and lead you to the top.  Then we’ll take it off, and you can see the theater from a new perspective,” Ben offered.

 

“Oh boy,” Rey muttered under her breath.  “Okay,” she said with a determined nod.

 

Ben pulled a blindfold out of his pocket -- who just casually carried those around, unless he had been planning for this -- and walked around Rey, drawing it over her eyes.  Rey’s world went dark.  She shivered involuntarily as every sound suddenly echoed in her ears, and the slightest noise made her jump.  Her nerves began getting the better of her, and she started to protest until she felt the gentle press of Ben’s lips against hers.

 

“I’ve got you, Angel,” he murmured against her lips.  “I won’t let you fall, I promise.”

 

At that, he began leading her slowly toward the set, counting the number of steps as they ascended together.  Then she felt the solid flooring of the catwalk beneath her feet.  It felt as solid as the flooring on the stage itself, and what was best is that it didn’t squeak.  Rey felt as though she hadn’t even ascended stairs, other than the fact that the temperature of the air was slightly warmer than it had been on the stage.  She felt Ben’s hands untying the blindfold, and it fell from her face.  Rey kept her eyes closed, uncertain if she was ready to face the theater from this perspective.  Her heart was pounding in her throat, and she felt shaky, her breathing shallow and her palms sweaty.

 

“Angel,” Ben whispered again, his lips close to her ear.  “Open your eyes.”

 

Much like at the top of the rollercoaster, he had encouraged her to see the world around them from this angle.  She had been so glad when she took that chance.  When she did so now, her breath hitched.  It wasn’t the first time she had seen the theater from this angle, but it had been the first time in years since she had been comfortable enough to try.  

 

Bracing herself against the banister, she felt her leg buckle with her nerves, but Ben caught her.  With a gentle grasp upon her waist, he held her, whispering words of praise in her ear and pressing a tender kiss just below.  Rey braced herself against him, clutching onto his arm where he held her.

 

“Thank you,”  Rey murmured, turning in his embrace and holding him tightly.

“No,” Ben replied, “Thank you for trusting me.”

Notes:

Looks to me like someone is learning to cope with her fears, at the hands of her new paramour! What do you all think? Is Ben benefitting from this as well, or is it all Rey? What do you suppose will happen next? I would love to hear all your theories. Comments and criticism alike is welcome. Even a simple emoji or keyboard smash will do the trick. Either way, let me know :)

Thank you to my sweet beta, miss tmwillson3. Check out her works too! Thank you also to the ladies in the space cafe who sprinted with me and encouraged me to continue on with this story. I appreciate you all!

Finally, thank you to my wonderful readers for the support and feedback. You all are so precious to me, you give me a reason to write! Until next time! Thanks again for reading :)

Chapter 9: One Final Question

 

Ben woke up Sunday morning to a text message.  It was his day to sleep in, and he felt disgruntled at best.  He pawed at his nightstand, blindly groping at the contents there and tossing aside whatever he laid his hands on that wasn’t the phone.  By the time he picked up his phone, he realized that something had been broken when he threw it across the room but didn’t much care.  Who texts early on a Sunday morning anyway?  This had better be good .

 

Group meeting bright and early on Monday!  Everyone be prepared to flaunt your best stuff; it’s advertising day!  We’ve arranged photo shoots and a TV spot as well.  See you there!

 

Ben blinked at his phone several times, and debated throwing it at the wall but instead dropped it on the mattress next to him and rolled over, away from it.  He had just about fallen asleep when his phone started to ring.

 

“What the actual fuck ?” he yelled, rolling back over and glaring at the screen until his eyes focused.

 

Rey .

 

He took a deep breath and let it out.

 

“Good morning, Angel.  To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked in his most pleasant voice, hoping his earlier irritation hadn’t come through.

 

“Good morning, Ben.” her tone indicated that she was hardly fazed by his greeting.  “I was wondering if you wanted to grab some brunch with me?”

 

“Well, since you mention it, I am a little hungry,”  he confessed -- but who was he kidding, he was starving .

 

The two agreed to meet at the same Mexican place that they had met mere weeks before when they had what they dubbed as their first date.  Old habits die hard, and Rey ordered her huevos rancheros with home fries again.  This time, to mix things up, Ben followed suit and ordered the same thing.  He was immediately grateful he did so and delighted in Rey’s good taste in food.  He shouldn’t be too surprised, however, given the incredible foods she brought them every day that they rehearsed together.

 

“So what do you think our costumes will be like?” Rey asked curiously as she cut up her eggs.

 

Ben shook out some hot sauce over his home fries, pondering her words.  “Well having seen the musical countless times, I know that the phantom is essentially in his usual garb and draped in a black cloth until the moment that Christine rips it off and reveals who he is.”

 

He took a bite and chewed thoughtfully before downing some of his mimosa and continuing his speech.  “That’s a decidedly dull look, and I hope they don’t go for that for me.  I don’t want to be so limited in what I can see and do, especially with the set that we built.”

 

“I agree, that does sound rather dismal.  Doesn’t Christine usually wear a corseted pink floral gown?  I don’t mind corsets, but pink is not my color.” Rey twisted her face distastefully, before taking a sip of her own mimosa.

 

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Angel.  I’d imagine you’d look good in anything,” Ben chuckled darkly before adding, “or nothing at all.”

 

“Ben!” Rey chided, playfully slapping him on the arm.

 

“Just being honest!” Ben admitted, eyeing her appreciatively before diving back into his food.

 

“Honesty is the best policy, so they say,” Rey replied with a shake of her head.

 

“So what else do you have going on today?” Ben asked after several minutes of quiet eating.

 

“I’ve got my private yoga and meditation session.  I’d ask if you wanted to tag along, but this is a one-on-one thing, and unlike my therapy session, you can’t simply barge in.  My yogi wouldn’t appreciate that in the least.  She’s quite strict.”

 

Ben grimaced.  “You know I feel a bit guilty about butting in on your therapy session, but in retrospect, I think it was the best thing that could have happened for us.  Look at us now,” he said, reaching out and resting his hand on top of hers.

 

“I agree.  I would prefer if you’d let me keep my own sessions in the future, but it certainly worked out for the best.” She leaned in and kissed Ben tenderly before finishing the last of her meal.

 

“When do you go?” Ben asked.

 

Rey looked at her phone.  “Twenty minutes,” she said, looking up with a sweet smile.  “Just enough to enjoy more time with you.”

 

“Oh, I don’t think there’s ever enough for that, Angel,” Ben confessed, a twinkle to his eye.

 

It was true - in his mind, there would never be enough time spent together -- truly together.  The eight hours they spent at the theater every day was a nice bonus, as they could spend time working on the show, but it wasn’t really time focused on each other.  Instead, they were focused on their jobs.  Ben couldn’t simply grab her and kiss her whenever he wanted to, or speak freely with her when there were always others looming around, coming and going as they pleased.  Also, they hadn’t made their relationship public...and he wasn’t entirely sure if they wanted to, either.  They were both incredibly private people when all was said and done...but for different reasons.

 

This was why he appreciated little things like this - brunch at their new favorite restaurant, simply being together with no distractions and no worries.  They held hands as they finished their meals, leaning in close and sharing little butterfly kisses between bites.  They were certain that they were making a spectacle of themselves, but this was why they requested a table in the back where they couldn’t be readily seen.

 

Ben had something he was itching to say...but it was still far too soon.  Besides, when did someone truly know that they were...that they were... in love ?  It was enough to confess feelings of interest and that one was falling, but to say the L-word was something else entirely.  It could be a blessing or a curse, and he has certainly had his share of both.  He remembered back to the first time he thought he was in love with someone, and how quickly she shot him down.  That was another time when he was young and foolish.  Since then he came to realize that people fall in and out of love all the time.  But real love - well now, that was something he was certain he hadn’t experienced before...until now.  What made this different?  He felt it in his bones, in every fiber of his being.  He knew it was real, and that was why he was so afraid to mess it up.

 

A little small talk and some more kisses and cuddles and then Ben and Rey said their goodbyes, separating only when they had to on the subway.  It was still so early.  It would likely be a long day, and he didn’t plan on wasting it.  Once he was home, he quickly changed into his gym clothes and went to the top floor of his condo where the gym overlooked the city.  Putting in double the effort, he worked out until he could hardly move he was so sore.  Then he promptly went home and fell asleep in the bath.

 

---

 

Rey was in the main dressing room with all the other ladies getting her hair and makeup done before heading to wardrobe.  Her hair was styled in meticulously done spiral tendrils over her shoulders and down her back.  It was gathered to one side and clipped with a large red rose blossom tucked into the curls.  The makeup itself was quite simple.  A clean matte look with soft pink lips and a slight cat-eye.  She anxiously awaited what her costume would look like, hoping she wasn’t stuck in pink.

 

Much to her delight, Hera had chosen a different look altogether.  Her makeup artist assisted as she pulled on the simple white lace leotard and her layered skirts.  The finishing touch was a black underbust brocade corset, tied just enough to give her shape without affecting her breathing so that she could sing.  Of course today, they were more interested in the look than the effectiveness of the costume.  Regardless, Rey was incredibly comfortable and more than pleased that she was able to walk around barefoot.

 

She walked towards Rose just as Rose was getting her makeup finished.  Rose wore a bold red lipstick to compliment her 1940’s look.  Her fit and flare tea-length gown was a stunning shade of turquoise, and her victory rolls were exquisitely done.  

 

The crew seemed to go above and beyond for this charity event, living up to the legacy of the Skywalker family and trust.  How they managed all of this on such a tight budget was baffling to Rey, as the cast could have just as easily all worn clothes of their own.  If she were arranging the charity event she would select a color palate and have everyone coordinate clothes based on what they had.  But she wasn’t, and honestly, the originality and variety of looks she witnessed were beyond anything she could imagine.

 

The two ladies left the dressing room and roamed the halls, slowly making their way towards the stage where a mock photography studio was set up for the cast photos and TV spot.  The show seemed to feature all eras, showing the variety of musicals that Andrew Lloyd Webber had written and continued to write over the course of his career.  They nodded at Finn and Poe as they crossed paths, in search of Ben.

 

“So, you and Kylo…” Rose prompted, making Rey immediately begin to blush.

 

“What about us?” Rey asked innocently.

 

“You two are an item, aren’t you?” Rose asked dubiously.  “I saw you two the other day getting cozy in the staff room.  Don’t deny it.”

 

“Does it matter?” Rey questioned, looking directly at her friend.  For once they were the same height since Rey was barefoot, and Rose wore heels.

 

“No, I just had to confirm it,” Rose stated matter-of-factly.  “You two are really cute together, and I’ve never seen you this happy.  I think he’s just what you need.”

 

“Who?” Ben asked as he rounded the corner.

 

“Speak of the devil…” Rose said with a laugh.  “Wow!” she added as she took in his look.  “I’ll be on my way, good chatting with you, Rey.”

 

“See you on stage,” Rey offered with a slight wave as she watched her friend walk away.

 

Ben wordlessly reached for Rey’s hand, and the pair walked towards their private rehearsal room.  Rey walked towards the piano, settling on the bench as Ben quietly closed the door behind them.

 

“I think they must know some of my fetishes,” Ben confessed as he approached Rey.  “There’s nothing like a gorgeous woman in lace and a corset with her hair cascading down her back…”

 

He lovingly caressed her hair, careful not to muss the curls.  Leaning over, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

 

“Oh Ben, you’re such a smooth-talker, a regular Cassanova,” Rey confessed, leaning back against him.  She closed her eyes as he rested his hands on her shoulders.

 

“I certainly feel like Cassanova in this getup.” Ben scoffed, causing Rey to turn on the bench and look him over.  “Have you seen these boots?” he asked, gesturing down to his thigh-high boots.

 

“Where on Earth did they find those?” Rey asked, eyes widening as she ran a hand over the soft leather.

 

“In my size, no less!  There must be a market for them,” he reasoned, shaking his head.

 

“Along with the other fetish wear, I’m sure,” Rey joked, sliding off the piano bench completely and gazing up at Ben.  His hair was done half-up, and she could tell where they added eyeliner to darken his eyes for when he put the mask on.

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Ben joked along with her.  “In all seriousness, you look stunning.”

 

“Thank you.  You’re quite handsome, as well,” Rey confessed, running her hands over the silver and black brocade doublet he wore.

 

“I try,” he admitted with a shrug.

 

Rey’s hands wandered to the trim that lined the cape he wore over one shoulder.  “Mmm...honestly, I think it’s the boots and half cape.” 

 

“Perhaps.  Of course, if that’s the case, Angel, what makes you look so amazing would definitely have to be those bare shoulders and exposed collarbone that are begging to be nibbled upon.”

 

“You can talk the talk, but can you -- mmm…” Rey’s words caught in her throat as Ben captured her in his arms and began peppering kisses on her shoulder

 

“Oh, so soft.  I wonder what else is soft?” Ben murmured, kissing along her neck and grazing his teeth over her collarbone, careful not to make a mark.

 

Rey’s heart was racing with every touch, every kiss, lick, and nibble.  She felt Ben’s hands wandering along her sides over her corset and down her hips.  He found his way to the slit in her skirt, and eased a hand between the layers, seeking out her core.

 

“Ben,” she choked out, alarmed the moment his fingers stroked over her most sensitive place.

 

“Yes, Angel?” Ben asked huskily, pausing his kisses.

 

“W-what if someone walks in?” Rey questioned, stuttering over her words as she gazed into his lust-filled eyes.

 

“Oooh, is this lace?” he asked, leaning in closer.  “A lace leotard under your corset?  Naughty, naughty… remind me to write Hera a thank you note.”

 

“Ben, I’m serious,” Rey moaned as his fingers danced circles over her core.  She felt herself flood with wetness despite herself and shuddered against his palm.  His lips seared against hers as he kissed her in tempo to the strokes of his fingers.

 

“Baby, you need this, don’t you?” he whispered, lips caressing hers as he spoke.

 

“Y-yes…” Rey admitted with a haggard breath.  “But -- not here,” she managed with much effort.

 

“Fine.  Another day, but soon,” Ben relented, adding “You’re not the only one who needs this.”

 

Rey glanced down to see an embarrassingly large bulge straining just below his doublet.  If she hadn’t been blushing before, she most certainly was now.  A knock on the door made Ben turn away and pace towards the wall.  Rey braced herself on the piano, calling for the knocker to come in.  Thankfully it was Rose again who wore that same knowing grin as she took in Rey’s appearance.

 

Rey could hardly imagine what she looked like at this moment, her lips swollen from having kissed Ben, her skirts mussed from his attention to her core.  She didn’t think Ben had disturbed her hair or anything else too much beyond that, but regardless, there was no denying that they had been fooling around.  Rose would certainly notice the signs as well, but thankfully, she didn’t say anything to indicate that she had.

 

“You two are up next, following Poe and Jessika,” Rose announced.

 

“Perfect timing,” Ben said with a shake of his head.  “You two go ahead; I’ll be right behind you,” he added.

 

Rey followed Rose into the hallway, and the two women burst into laughter the moment the door was closed.

 

“Did I seriously just interrupt something?” Rose asked between laughs.

 

“Maybe…” Rey admitted, hardly believing it herself; her mind was still racing from the kisses Ben bestowed upon her.  She shivered as the air kicked on in the halls, a breeze from an open door catching her by surprise.  Just the reality shock she needed as she neared the stage.  Rey’s makeup artist approached her, shaking her head.

 

“Miss Kanata,” she scolded, “I told you not to eat or drink anything.  Good thing I brought the lipstick with me to touch you up.”  She withdrew a tube from her pocket, carefully touching up Rey’s lips.

 

“Eating,” Rose chuckled as she walked away.

 

“Sorry,” Rey said as politely as she could, smiling at her kind makeup artist before walking over to the setup with the photographer.

 

“Where’s your partner?” an older man with large glasses and a low ponytail asked Rey.

 

“Oh, he’ll be along shortly,” Rey said kindly, folding her hands in front of her.

 

“Fair enough, ooh hold that pose...angle your shoulders towards me.  Perfect,” the photographer said, snapping a shot and then gazing at the display on his camera.  “I love that innocent, virginal look you have.  Such full lips and a soft, natural blush.  Yes, I think we’ll take more photos of just you until your partner arrives.”

 

Off to the side, Rey heard Rose’s barely contained snicker upon hearing Rey’s compliments.  Rey continued to maintain as innocent of a look as possible, lips parting slightly and widening her eyes for a more doe-like appearance.

 

“Yes! Yes!” the photographer exclaimed, approaching Rey and posing her as if she were a doll, arranging her hair just so and tilting her chin.  “Hold that expression; that’s just what we need!”

 

Ben entered the set soon after, a black half-mask in place -- the same one he wore when the pair first met, if Rey wasn’t completely mistaken.  She only caught a glance at him out of her peripheral vision.  A coy, little smile caught on her lips, a Mona Lisa smile, the photographer said.  He halted Ben where he stood a fair distance behind Rey, and had him stand “as stoically as possible” to which Rey imagined he would without much effort.

 

With little encouragement, the photographer directed the pair closer and closer together, until Rey found herself with her back pressed against Ben, her head back against his shoulder and his arms possessively around her.  “There!” the photographer chimed.  “That’s the shot for the poster!”

 

Rey opened her eyes and turned to look up at Ben, the heat rising in her cheeks again as their eyes met.  Glancing to either side, she noticed that the rest of the cast and crew had been watching them during their photoshoot.  Rey’s blush deepened at that thought, and she wondered what they saw.  The women all had dreamy expressions on their faces, and the men looked as if they needed to raise the bar.  Ben smiled, resting his hand on Rey’s lower back and guiding her off the set.

 

“Just wait till they see us perform,” he whispered in her ear, bringing back her Mona Lisa smile as she thanked the photographer for his time.

 

“It was my pleasure, truly.  You two make this easy for me,” he complimented. “Truly a dream pairing for a photographer.”  

 

Back in their rehearsal room once again, Rey found herself in Ben’s arms the moment the door closed.   Ben plucked the rose out of her hair, setting it on a nearby table before digging his fingers into her soft, curly tresses.  

 

“Now where were we?” Ben asked, leaning in closer.  “Oh yes, I think it was…” 

 

Rey found she no longer cared how she looked when Ben was done.  He could ruin her makeup, could ruin her, and she wouldn’t care. Rey moaned against his mouth, melting into his kiss.  Her arms trailed around his neck, and she managed to unclasp his half-cape from his shoulder as it fluttered to the floor.  She felt his hands trailing down her back as he untied the corset and loosened it, removing it completely and letting it fall.

 

He cupped her breasts over the lacy leotard, making her nipples tighten and harden beneath the thin, nude modesty padding.  Ben’s lips found Rey’s neck again, and she choked out a sob against his rough handling.  It was everything she knew she wanted and needed from him and so much more.  The softness of his lips contrasted with the scrape of his teeth over her collarbone.  The slick feel of his tongue laving at her neck left her dizzy with pleasure.  

 

She was nearly gone until she felt him hooking his fingers over the waistband of her skirt.  Alarms rang out in her mind the minute she felt his touch upon her waist, and she halted him in his movement, all but shoving him backward and stumbling away from him.  “No!” she protested.

 

“What’s wrong, Angel, can’t I help you undress?” Ben asked breathlessly, gazing at her questioningly.  

 

“I uh...I-I...I have Rose or-or-um my makeup artist for that,” Rey fumbled, knowing her excuse was weak the minute she said it.

 

“Rose...or your makeup artist…?” Ben asked incredulously.  “Really?” 

 

He ran his hands through his hair and ducked to the ground, picking up his cape and carrying it over his arm as he paced.  Rey couldn’t quite pick up his mood, whether he was angry or worried or something else.

 

“Ben, say something,” Rey muttered weakly after several long moments of silence.

 

“What did you think was going to happen?” Ben asked curiously, halting in his pacing.

 

“I’m not really sure,” Rey confessed, chewing on her lower lip.

 

“Rey, I know better than to fuck you in our rehearsal space, if that’s what you were concerned about.  I realize we were getting hot and heavy, but I had the best intentions,” he admitted with a shrug. 

 

“I’m not suggesting that at all...and honestly, I wouldn’t…” Rey swallowed thickly, clearing her throat.  “I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

 

“You wouldn’t?” Ben asked, quirking a brow.

 

“No, not at all -- I’m just not ready yet.  It’s...too soon,” Rey confessed, hoping it was a better excuse.  

 

She couldn’t tell him she was afraid of him seeing her nude.  Who knows what he would think or how he would feel if he were to see her disgustingly scarred leg.  She tried to avoid looking at it as much as she could but unfortunately, it was rather unavoidable.  It had taken her years to not break down and cry whenever she saw herself undressed.  She could feel the trembling pain in her leg again, warning her of the oncoming anxiety - the memory of the fall, the painful surgery that followed, and the endless weeks and months of physical therapy.  No -- she wasn’t ready to face that, and while she desperately wanted to be intimate with Ben, she simply couldn’t.  She had hoped one day she’d be brave enough to explain that.

 

“That’s fine, sweetheart.  Take your time, and know that I’ll be ready whenever you are,” Ben offered, gently clasping his hands upon her upper arms and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

 

Rey signed in relief, her shoulders sagging as she leaned into his embrace.  It was hard to ignore his bulge, but she knew he couldn’t help it.  He was a man, and things were getting heated between them.  She trusted him when he said he wasn’t after anything and was beyond grateful when he promised her that he’d be ready whenever she was.  How long they held one another was unknown, but it was the most comforting hug Rey had had in a long time.

 

“I’ll help you get your corset back on if you want to go find someone to help you change,” Ben offered quietly.

 

“That would be nice, thank you,” Rey said, gathering her hair and letting it hang over one of her shoulders.

 

Ben ducked down again, grabbing the corset and bringing it around in front of her before slowly fixing the laces until they were neatly arranged.  He pressed several fluttery kisses over her exposed shoulder and neck before gathering the blossom from the table and carefully pinning it back into her hair.

 

“Good as new,” he suggested with a small smile.

 

“Thank you,” Rey whispered, grateful that he was such a gentleman.

 

Rey realized that she had been staring too intently into his eyes that she hardly noticed the mask that he had been wearing this entire time.  She chuckled softly, standing on tiptoe to reach up with both hands and slip the mask off his head.  When Ben realized what she was doing, he ducked his head enough for her to get a better grip on it.

 

“Angel…” Ben began.

 

“I know,” she replied softly.

 

Notes:

Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? Do you think Rey will be able to overcome her anxiety and open herself up to Ben? Are they ready, or is it too soon? What will happen next? I'd love to hear your thoughts and theories. Feel free to say as much or as little as you like, your feedback is golden and truly keeps me going! Thank you in advance for all your support!

Thanks also to my lovely Beta, miss tmwillson3. She's quite the extraordinary writer herself, so if you're looking for someone new to try out, look her up! You won't be disappointed, I promise :) Thanks also to the ladies in the Space Cafe who have sprinted with me and encouraged me to get this story out there! You ladies rock! Finally, my beloved friends...you know who you are. I love you all <3 Until next we meet...

Chapter 10: Sweet Seduction

Summary:

Please note the change in rating and updated tags!

 

“Didn’t the choreographer tell us to be on stage at nine?” Ben asked, stretching his arms high above his head and twisting to the left and right.

 

Rey knew that look.  He was still tired and hoping to stretch out the last of his sleepiness.  She checked her phone, noting it was nine-thirty.  “She’s just a touch late; surely she won’t be much --”

 

“Darlings!  I’m so sorry to keep you waiting!” came a voice from behind them.

 

Onto the stage swept a woman with a mid-length, asymmetric dress that trailed along dreamily like a cloud when she walked.  She was light on her feet, taking long strides as if she had been dancing on air her whole life.  She carried herself with an elegance and sophistication that was strangely reminiscent of Ahsoka in that exotic, otherworldly way.  Rey immediately liked her, and couldn’t help but smile when the woman reached out and kissed both her cheeks.

 

“You must be Rey!  My name is Oola.”  She approached Ben, reaching on tiptoe to give him the same double kiss greeting.  “My, you’re a tall one!” she remarked.

 

“So I’ve been told,” Ben replied.

 

“Well now, let me look you two over.” She began circling the pair very slowly, making little humming sounds until she stopped in front of them, staring them down long and hard.  “I know exactly what we’ll do.  I’ve been listening to your piece nonstop for a week, and I know the ins and outs of your music.  Now after seeing you, I have a vision.”

 

She guided them both to stage left and gestured for them to wait in the wings.  Fussing around a bit, she found a book, bringing it over to Rey.  

 

“Let’s pretend this is a basket of roses.  So what you’re going to do is sing your opening solo, walk slowly across the stage, and settle on the ground to the front of the stage.  Look around dreamily, but obviously pay attention to where you’re going.  We don’t want you falling off the stage.”

 

Rey chuckled at that.  “Certainly not.  Is there anything I need to do once I settle to the ground with my basket?”

 

“Yes, yes, of course!  Just fiddle with the roses.  Pluck off the thorns or tie ribbons around the stems, whatever you like.  Just try to look beautifully focused until I tell you otherwise.”  Oola circled her face with her hand as she said ‘beautifully’.

 

“Right, okay then.  Beautifully focused.  I can do that,” Rey said with a nod, looking down at the book she carried.

 

“Right then, go ahead dear; show us your stuff.”

 

Rey did as she was told, walking dreamily to the front of the stage, Oola halting her halfway.  “Darling, you need to walk slower; ideally you want to arrive when you hit that last note.  ‘Dreams of looooooove’” Oola sang offkey.  Rey heard Ben chuckle lightly from where he waited, watching the two women interact.  Oola ignored Ben, reaching into a hidden pocket on her skirt, and withdrew a roll of colored tape.  Pacing ahead several feet she put an X.  “This is where you stop,” she indicated, pointing down.

 

Rey looked back at Ben, offering him a slight smile before gazing back down at her mark.  “I’ve got this.  Slow, with the beat and stopping at my last note.”

 

“Let’s see it,” Oola encouraged, gesturing with a sweep of her arm.

 

Rey did, settling onto her mark and sitting on the stage.

 

“Okay the walk was better that time, but what on earth was that move when you sat?  You need to be graceful, sweep your skirt out with your hand, and tuck your legs into an S position.  Look, see how I do it?”  Oola elegantly sat with little effort, tucking her legs to the side.

 

For the next twenty minutes, the two women practiced sitting perfectly, Oola sighing and saying it still wasn’t good enough, but that with enough practice it would do.  Rey had no idea sitting down was such an art.  She felt sorry for Ben, who was left waiting in the wings without any instruction whatsoever.  She wouldn’t have been surprised if he fell asleep while waiting, and envisioned him like a stoic horse, perched up against a supporting column, snoozing away.  She glanced back a time or two, despite herself, noting he watched with great interest for the first few minutes before pulling out his phone and fiddling with it.

 

Once Oola was satisfied, her attention was turned to Ben.  “Now, young man, I’m sure you’ll really impress me.  I hear you come from the traditional theater?  I can’t imagine what sort of background you have, but I can already tell by the way you carry yourself that you will be incredible.”

 

“Why thank you, I’ll certainly try,” Ben offered, gracing Rey with a smile when their eyes met from across the stage.

 

“Right then, you’ll start back here, and we’ll have one of the other men stand-in for their one line before you do your thing.  I understand you have a cape, as I requested?”

 

“I do-- were you a part of the costume design team?” Ben questioned.

 

“I most certainly was!  After hearing the music, I rang Hera and said, 'Give this man a cape!' I’m happy to hear she obliged,” Oola gushed.  “So then, you’ll come on stage with your cape drawn, covering your lower face so that only your mask and eyes show.  Be mysterious and sexy.  Say your line about setting the trap, then turn away from the man, gaze upon the lovely Rey over there, and slowly lower your cape.”

 

Rey twisted to watch Ben, watching as he executed his move effortlessly, using his arm to indicate how he would move his cape.  He gazed intently at her, and she noticed a change in his posture and the way he set his jaw.  She could tell he was becoming the character, as she had witnessed him during the production of Burn This when he became Pale.  As Oola continued with her instructions, he stalked across the stage, singing his lines and gesturing with a sweep as if moving his cape, only to hear an overjoyed squeal from Oola.

 

“Oooh I love that dramatic flair!  I knew you’d be perfect.  Ah, this is brilliant.  Now, Rey, you’re going to need to get up -- gracefully -- when he sings the line “Past the point of no return” and watch him as he paces around you,” Oola instructed. “Yes...yes...just like that.” 

 

Rey watched intently as Ben circled around, gesturing as he sang.  When he moved behind her and clasped her throat, Rey bit back the urge to moan, reaching back instead and grasping his thigh.  He came around beside her, drawing his hands along the length of her arm and gesturing as if kissing her outstretched hand.  Oola clapped wildly, halting them in their movement, leaving Rey feeling disoriented as she withdrew her hand from Ben’s grasp.

 

“My boy, you have dance in your bones!  Or at least good musicality and instincts.  I love that move you pulled just then.  Rey, are you comfortable with Ben grasping your throat like that?  He wasn’t too rough, it seemed,”  Oola asked, breaking Rey from her reverie.

 

“Oh -- uhm no, it was fine, but maybe we should try that again...just to make sure we got it right?” Rey feigned innocence, but really she just wanted to experience the unexpected feeling of submissiveness again.  It was a side of herself that she had never explored before, but was immediately curious about.

 

“Good suggestion, Rey, Ben, do you mind resetting to the point when you’re singing the chorus?” Oola questioned.

 

“Of course,” Ben said with a nod, pacing back across the stage and gesturing as if swishing his cape for flourish.  Oola nodded at him to begin, and he did so.

 

Rey couldn’t stifle her moan this time, and it came out softly as she leaned back against Ben, his long fingers flexing over her delicate throat.  This time, when he trailed his hands down the length of her arm, he had a sly gleam in his eyes as he gazed upon her, and Rey knew that look as well.

 

“I am going to devour you,” Ben whispered cheekily.

 

“You had better,” she whispered back, earning his biggest grin yet.

 

“Now Ben, pace back slowly...slowly...and you’ll stop there,” Oola said, halting him in his spot and quickly marking his spot with another X in tape.  “Finish your line, and then it’ll be Rey’s turn to sing.”

 

Rey followed Oola’s instructions to a T, not quite knowing how she made it through the afternoon, but they did.  Breaking once for lunch, they regrouped and rehearsed the entire piece several more times before calling it a day.  Oola was incredibly pleased with their progress, remarking that their chemistry was what made the whole piece so convincing.  

 

If only she knew.

 

That evening, as they strolled hand in hand toward the subway station, Rey made a decision.  It was time.

 

“Ben.” 

 

He turned to find her staring at him, her eyes clear. 

 

“I want you to come home with me,” she said, sounding way more confident than she felt.

 

“Are you sure, Angel?” he asked, looking at her carefully.

 

“Absolutely,” she confirmed, without a moment’s hesitation.

 

Ben said nothing, but nodded, a grin spreading across his face.  No words were necessary, Rey realized, and she was grateful that he chose to remain silent.  She didn’t need promises from him that he was gonna take good care of her, or that he was gonna fuck her raw, or anything of that nature.  She already knew his intent.  She had wanted him for far too long to be afraid anymore.  It might be uncomfortable at first, to reveal her true self - but deep down, she knew it would be worth it.

 

The silence lingered during the subway ride.  Despite the press of the usual pedestrian crowd, Ben and Rey felt as though they were alone in their personal bubble, sharing meaningful glances.  He pulled her in closer, pressing the occasional kiss to her forehead as they held hands. The fans they encountered even seemed to recognize the change, only asking for selfies and autographs then moving on to leave them in peace.  Rey scarcely paid attention to any of it, and instead thought ahead to what would happen when they reached home.

 

Upon entering the condo, Rey hung her keys, casually setting aside her bag.  “What would you like for dinner?” she asked, busying herself in the kitchen.

 

“Something simple...a salad, perhaps?” Ben requested, unbuttoning and rolling up his sleeves before washing his hands.

 

Together, they worked in sync, chopping veggies and feeding each other nibbles of meats and veggies.  Rey reached over Ben more than once, and he paused, setting the knife on the board.

 

“I know what you’re doing, Angel,” he suggested, looking at her with a sweet, knowing smile.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?  I was simply setting out bowls and helping with the salad.”

 

“Rey, if you want something, you just need to ask.  You brought me here for a reason.  I’m here.  Use me as you please.”

 

“I don’t know about using you; it hardly seems app--” her words were muffled when their lips collided.  Ben kissed her slowly and tenderly, cupping her jaw as he went.  He nibbled on her lower lip before releasing her completely.

 

“Please,” Ben whispered.

 

That single word was so simple and yet something about the way he said it…

 

Rey wordlessly took his hand and led him back to her bedroom.  He gently pulled her in his arms, and the world around them faded away as she melted into his kiss.  

 

Rey felt Ben draw his arms around to the front of her dress as he began to slowly unbutton it.  He broke their kiss only when the buttons extended below his reach.  He drew back enough to continue along his path, only to be halted.

 

“Ben, I’m warning you..this isn’t - it isn’t pretty,” she said, swallowing thickly and looking to the side.

 

“Let me be the judge of that.  Just relax, sweetheart.  It’s me,” Ben reassured.

 

“I know...and I...I trust you,” Rey confessed.

 

Ben eased himself down on his knees before her, gazing up as if waiting for her encouragement to continue.  Tears welled in her eyes as she realized that he was willing to wait till she acknowledged she was ready.  Biting her lip, Rey nodded slowly, reaching out with a shaking hand to caress his hair.  A shadow of doubt crossed her mind, and she questioned if she was really ready for this.  Perhaps it was still too soon?  She closed her eyes as a tear fell from her eyes, not wanting to see the moment he noticed the horrible scarring.  He’d likely be terribly turned off and walk away, their special moment ruined, and none of it was her fault.  She didn’t ask for this, didn’t --

 

“Rey, do you remember the reason I prefer traditional theater to musical theater?” Ben asked, interrupting her train of thought.

 

“Uhm… something about perfection?” Rey recalled, feeling Ben spreading her skirts, but still unwilling to look.  She felt him rest his hands on her hips.

 

“Yes.  It's perfect in its imperfection ,” Ben explained.  “Open your eyes, Angel,” he added in a whisper.

 

Rey hesitated, immediately gripped with fear of rejection.  Then she felt Ben’s hands slide over her ass and down the back of her thighs.  Her eyes were bleary with tears when she opened them, but instead of the rejection and horror she anticipated seeing, he looked at her with wonder and utter devotion.

 

“Ben…” she choked out, tears streaking down her face.

 

“Are they sensitive?” he asked, nodding towards the long scar that crossed her thigh from her hip bone to her kneecap, and the smattering of smaller scars around from where the shards of wood from the collapsed set had penetrated her skin.

 

“A little,” she whispered, reaching out and caressing his hair again.

 

Ben gazed deeply into her eyes, a softness in his own that made her feel weak inside.  His eyes then shifted to where he peered directly in front of him at her ruined leg.  Rey’s heart thundered in her chest, and then he did the unthinkable.  He leaned in and kissed along the entire length of her scar, making sure to kiss each individual smaller scar as well.

 

“Perfection," he murmured once he was finished.

 

At last Rey’s knees gave out, and she dropped down in front of him, tears flowing freely as he held her in his arms.  She sobbed louder than she intended to, but she couldn’t help it.  He had embraced that part of her she’d give nearly anything to change.  It was more to him than simply a fun little escapade.  She knew now without having heard him say it that he loved her.  Even if he never said it, she could feel it now.  He smoothed back her hair, continuing to press small kisses on her forehead, over her cheeks and to her lips.

 

She tasted the salt of her tears upon his lips, and it only made her want to kiss him more deeply, to taste more of him and less of herself.  She greedily pulled him closer, her tongue caressing the seam of his mouth.  He opened for her, letting her in and exploring as their tongues danced sensually, a slow and leisurely tango.

 

Ben reached his hands into her hair, untying her bun and loosening her hair to cascade into waves down her back.  She sighed into his mouth, reaching to remove her dress the rest of the way, letting it fall to the ground.  

 

Ben’s hands caressed over her bare shoulders and back, pausing only to unhook the clasp of her bra.  He broke their kiss again, discarding the undergarment and gazing more fully upon Rey’s lithe body.

 

“So very, very beautiful,” he murmured, his eyes wandering, seemingly not sure where to look.  “I don’t know why you were so afraid.”

 

Gratitude welled within her, filling her to the brim. “Thank you,” Rey choked, tears threatening to fall again, but instead she stood, reaching for his hands to pull him up.  

 

She backed several paces till the back of her legs met the bed and offered an alluring smile as she gracefully fell back upon it.  She gestured for him to continue, wanting a show.  Seeing him strip would help her overcome the last of her jitters, seeing just what he had to offer.  She was no longer afraid of what was to come; she welcomed it with open arms.

 

Ben obliged, stripping without hesitation.  He maintained eye contact, a smile tugging at the corner of his sinfully lush lips.  Rey longed to nibble upon them again, to taste his sweetness and lose herself in him.  She swallowed down the question that plagued her mind -- how is he real? -- and couldn’t help but gape at what he had going for him.  

 

She had seen his body before and knew he was pretty much a living statue with perfectly carved and honed muscles and smooth, unblemished skin.  His smattering of beauty marks were like constellations that covered his body, and she vowed one day to map them all.  Leaning up on her elbows, her eyebrows raised the moment when he reached for his boxer briefs.  When at last they fell to the floor, Rey’s breath hitched.  His shaft, only half-erect, was quite large, and she squirmed her hips at the mere thought of that being inside of her.  Her walls clenched on nothing, but she felt the wetness gush, imagining her panties were quite ruined.

 

His eyes smoldered in reaction to her obvious anticipation, and he reached over her on the bed, grasping her hips and dragging her slowly to the edge.  He gripped the edge of her panties and pulled them off in one quick swipe.  Reaching up, he stroked his fingers over her downy curls, easing his way down to her sopping slit.

 

“Oh, Angel,” he said, as if it were the greatest discovery ever made.

 

His hands upon her thighs, he spread them gently before leaning in and breathing in her musk.  With an appreciative hum, he closed the distance and lapped his tongue through her delicate folds up to her clit, relinquishing a pleased growl along the way.  

 

The vibrations sent chills down her spine, and Rey acknowledged him with a low moan.  Threading her fingers into his raven tresses she held on for dear life as he devoured her - through the fog of lust, she distantly recalled him saying he would, and she would have giggled had she breath to spare.  His tongue stroked a particularly sensitive part, and her back arched off the bed, bucking up against him in need of more.

 

When her orgasm struck, it started as little sparks that started in her core and caused tremors to take over her body.  Her pleading moans were loud-- even in her own ears--yet, she couldn’t be bothered to care.  Ben needed to know how good he was making her feel.  

 

She absolutely shattered the moment he slid two fingers into her opening.  She cried long and low, tremors taking over as he suckled upon her clit.  He worked her with deep, heavy strokes, riding out her waves until at last her body ceased its shaking.  Her orgasm was indescribable, electrifying her nerves, and this was only the beginning.

 

Ben climbed onto the bed next to her, watching carefully as she shook through a tremor of an aftershock, lolling her head to the side.  Her mouth was slack, and her eyes fluttered, unfocused as the pleasure washed over her.  

 

She blinked, turning to meet his gaze, and it was only then that she realized that Ben had been gently stroking her hair and face. He leaned in when she smiled, meeting her lips in a sticky-sweet kiss.  

 

Rey moaned as she tasted herself, licking along the seam of his lips the way he had licked at her slit before plunging in for a deeper kiss.

 

Ben broke the kiss, and they exchanged a meaningful stare.  Their shared breath was labored, and the soft sheen of sweat revealed just how heated things had gotten.  

 

“Rey,” Ben said huskily once he caught his breath.  “Are you sure about this?”

 

“I’ve never been more sure,” Rey said without hesitation.

 

“Back up, Angel, don’t need to be on the edge,” Ben encouraged.

 

Rey obeyed, wiggling back toward the pillow, trying to wrap her dazed head around what was about to happen.  It had been years; she deserved this - deserved him, and she realized that now.  It was a second chance for her to get things right in life and in love.  Closing her eyes, she breathed calmly.

 

“That’s it, Rey, let it go,” Ben said, as if reading her mind.

 

He mounted her carefully, reaching between them and swiping his spongy tip through her slick folds, wetting himself with her juices and letting her get a feel of what was to come.  His tip pressed gently against her opening before he rocked his hips forward.  Rey lifted her own to meet him halfway.  

 

"Ben!" Rey breathed, blinking at the incredible stretch.

 

"Ooh, I know, Angel," he choked out, "A bit of a tight squeeze there..."

 

"Mmmm…" was all she could say.

 

Rey’s head fell back as she moaned.  Ben dipped his own head to capture her exposed throat in a worshipful kiss, his lips playing over the salty skin in a sinfully sweet gesture. He began to thrust, slowly at first, allowing her to adjust before striking up a deep, relentless cadence. 

 

Coupled with the movement below and his wandering hands, Rey could hardly function.  Every fibre of her being was alive, and Ben brought her to life.  He breathed into her; he opened her heart, opened her soul.

 

Her nails gripped his shoulders, his waist, reaching up and scratching down the length of his broad back.  He hissed in response to the pleasure pain overload as his thrusting picked up in speed.  

 

"I should have known you'd be a scratcher," he breathed, his pace causing his words to stutter somewhat.

 

Rey could not respond, speechless, caught in the delicious build of another climax. It hit like a bomb going off, pleasure scintillating out from her core, leaving her incoherent.   

 

She clung to Ben with her arms and legs clutching him tightly as they shook together, his body flowing with her rhythm as if they were one being.  He had ridden out her waves of pleasure with little effort, still having more to give.

 

"Let's try something else," Ben suggested, reaching up and gently grasping on her thighs.  

 

He unwound her from her tight grip on him.  Bringing her legs together he eased her over to her side, this new angle taking him deeper.  Rey cried out in shock but immediately hummed in approval, bucking to meet his thrust.

 

"God...yessss…" was all she could manage.  

 

Ben’s hips rolled fluidly against Rey’s, and she met him each time with a satisfying slap of flesh.  

 

Their lovemaking had taken a sultry turn.  It had become charged with a sense of urgency, a need to take it to a higher level.  

 

Rey sang a song of love in the form of moans and cries as she rocked against Ben harder and harder until she felt his thighs begin to tremble.  His labored breath gave way to pants and grunts.

 

"Angel, gonna...mmmm...fuck this is--"   The rumbling in his chest resounded deep within her core as Ben cried out, spilling deep within Rey.  

 

The explosion within set her over the edge, feeling his release triggered her own.  Together they shook and cried, their duet reaching a crescendo before easing down.  Ben’s final thrusts were languid and slow, and he lingered before easing out completely.

 

Rey had never been more satisfied than she was at this moment.  She was so overcome with emotion, she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or both.  She found it ridiculous to even consider crying, though they would be tears of joy if they were to fall.  Instead, she giggled soft and sweet, elated that she had gotten past her nerves, and allowed someone to see her at her worst.  Ben had made love to her so passionately, it felt almost like he were worshipping her instead.  She giggled even louder at that thought - she was no goddess; she was simply Rey.  Ben on the other hand…

 

“What is it?” he asked, rolling to his side.

 

Rey shook her head in resignation.  “My brain is thoroughly scrambled.  I’m just being ridiculous, don’t mind me.”

 

“Ah I see.  You’re welcome,” Ben offered with a low chuckle.  He shifted to get up, and Rey drew up her legs to swing around and join him.  He halted her with a gentle touch on her arm.  “Stay here, sweetheart.”  

 

“Okay,” Rey replied, assuming he likely needed to use the bathroom or get some water.

 

She was right, for the most part, and then she heard him fumbling in the cabinet before running the bath water.  Soon, the air was filled with the scent of rosemary and mint, and Rey immediately relaxed, her body acting reflexively to the scent of her calming bath salts.  Several minutes later, the water switched off, as did the bathroom light as Ben made his way back into the bedroom.

 

Leaning over the bed, he scooped Rey into his arms, making her squeal in delight at the very gesture of being carried by him.  That was when she noticed the soft glow from the bathroom and realized that not only had he started a bath for her, but he also lit the candles she had in the room.  Carefully, he eased her into the tub, slipping in behind her and drawing her back against his chest.

 

“Mmm this is nice,” Rey said, breathing deeply before nuzzling further back into Ben.

 

“It is,” Ben agreed.  “Not every tub is large enough to accommodate me, so when I saw your garden tub, I couldn’t resist.”

 

“I can’t imagine,” Rey admitted, stroking Ben’s arms as he held her beneath the water.

 

“I could get used to this...get used to you.  Used to us ,” Ben confessed, leaning in to kiss her shoulder.

 

“Me too,” she admitted sweetly.  “Especially if you’re going to do this all the time,” she added with a laugh.

 

“We could do this every night if that’s what you wanted,”  he suggested, reaching for a shower poof and filling it with a shimmering body wash.  He began to wash in wide circles, careful to make sure he didn’t miss a single spot.

 

Rey flinched the moment his hand swiped over her scarred thigh - an automatic reaction, which Ben responded to with a gentle kiss.  She found herself relaxing into his touch, and by the time he was done cleansing her she was utterly boneless.  She felt a profound sense of relief upon his acceptance of her, despite her flaws, and deep down she knew that this was the beginning of something wonderful.

 

Notes:

We had quite a bit of fun there with the choreography, don't you think? What did you think about Oola? Does anyone remember who she is to the SWU? Then, of course, our beloved OTP finally made love. Was the timing right? Too soon? Right on time? I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Even if it's just a keyboard smash. Any and all feedback is golden!

Special thank you to my beloved beta tmwillson3, you work fast and are so encouraging, it's truly heartwarming. I appreciate you more than I can say. Also to my sweet friend lilia-ula, if it weren't for you, my smut would be a total flop. You are the queen and you helped me set the mood and get it right. Thank you so much for all your advice and for helping this be meaningful and romantic.

Thank YOU, dear readers, for all your feedback and encouragement! I live to entertain you all, and I'm truly appreciative that you enjoy it as much as you do. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to indulge me and my creative endeavors.

Chapter 11: The Final Threshold

 

Rey awoke early in the morning to silky, sumptuous lips ghosting over her face.  Her eyelids fluttered when she felt his lips brush over them, and she could feel his smile before she saw it.  

 

"There's my sunshine," he murmured, his voice still raw from sleep. "Good morning, beautiful."

 

She blinked several times before her eyes focused and locked on a pair of warm, chocolatey eyes. "Good morning, Ben," she said before yawning.

 

"It's still early," he said, his eyes twinkling as he spoke.

 

"Oh good, let's go back to sleep then," Rey suggested, rolling to her side away from Ben.

 

"Angel," he began, rolling to press against her.  "What if I don't want to sleep?" he whispered sensually in her ear as he rolled his hips forward.

 

Rey's eyes flashed open the moment she felt Ben's erection against her ass.

 

She turned her head and met his gaze. "I can make an exception for that," she whispered, leaning into him to meet his lips in a searing kiss.

 

Ben climbed over her smoothly without breaking the kiss, reaching between them and freeing his cock.  Rey shimmied her hips to help him slide down her panties, and she spread her legs wide just as he thrust into her.

 

"Ben," she sighed against his mouth, feeling the glorious stretch as he filled her completely.

 

"Always so wet for me," he moaned. "You're perfect."

 

Down below in the streets an ambulance passed by, sirens blazing, but in their own little world, they hardly noticed it.  Breathing in each other's skin and enjoying kisses and caresses were all that mattered.  Ben ground sensually into Rey, and she sang to him in moans and cried her song of love.

 

Soon, they were both trembling and quaking with the onset of their orgasms, and Rey sobbed when she felt Ben spurting deep within.  

 

Orgasms were always so emotional for her, a release of the very best kind. Any pent up frustrations were vanquished, and everything ceased to matter in that singular moment. Head thrown back, she relished every second that pleasure washed over her.

 

Ben and Rey cuddled long enough for their breathing to even out and their heart rates to regulate before reluctantly climbing out of bed.  They showered together slowly, taking great care to wash each other and even more care to kiss until the water turned cold.

 

The commute to the theater from Rey’s apartment was thankfully rather short.  A quick hop on the subway was all that was needed, and Ben and Rey cuddled together in the back corner, simply people-watching in silence.  With featherlight touches, Ben was tracing each finger on Rey’s hand, drawing invisible designs on her palm.  Rey chuckled under her breath when she realized he was writing his name, as if it weren’t already etched upon her soul.

 

"Are you ready for today?" Ben asked, breaking the silence.

 

"Absolutely. With you at my side, I can do anything," Rey replied confidently.

 

Ben cast one of his heart-stopping smiles, and she swooned, leaning in to kiss him.

 

Ben chuckled, breaking the kiss and pulling away.  "You better stop that, or we might have to take the next train back home." 

 

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Rey asked.

 

"Any other day, no.  People are counting on us though," he reasoned.

 

"Mmm, you would have to be the responsible one today," she said with a pout.  She folded her arms across her chest, knowing full well she looked like a petulant child.

 

"Believe me, Angel, I want nothing more than to lose myself in you, but I think my mom and Phas would kill me," Ben said with a decisive shake of his head.

 

"That would be a crying shame," Rey said, offering a tiny peck on the cheek before standing. 

 

Together, they walked arm in arm towards the subway exit.  At the theater once more, Ben and Rey went to separate dressing rooms to prepare for their first number.  Rey gathered with the other ladies who all warmed up together with scales and a round of arias.  They stretched and limbered up for the choreography. Soon the time had come for the audience to arrive, and the ladies were just finishing up the last touches on their looks.

 

One by one the ladies vanished as it was their turn to perform.  Rose was slotted to perform the final song of the first act before a brief intermission.  She nervously flitted about, her heels clicking and her skirt flouncing as she paced.  Her 40’s style look was absolute perfection, and it suited her to a T.  Her victory rolls and tea-length A-line gown were complimented with a subtle cat-eye and bold red lip.  If only Rose were as cool and confident as she looked.

 

“I’m not sure I can do this,” she said suddenly, gripping Rey’s hands with her dainty lace-gloved hands.

 

“Relax, you’ve got this.  I’ve heard you practice; no one could do this like you do,” Rey assured.

 

“But what if I get offkey?  Or what if I rush the music?” Rose asked, nervously patting her hair.

 

“You won’t.  The orchestra is there for you; the conductor will adjust to your pacing.  It’ll be much easier that way, I promise,” Rey said - reminding herself as well, as she had grown so accustomed to working with their pianist that she almost forgot they’d have a 40-piece orchestra in the pit below the stage.

 

Rey was usually the one who was nervous, and so she understood where Rose was coming from.  Especially since this was Rose's first time performing since she had Paige months ago.  In all honesty, though, Rose had nothing to worry about.  Rey wasn’t just saying these things to flatter her friend; she legitimately believed in what she said.

 

 Amilyn poked her head into the dressing room.  “Rose, you’re up in five.”

 

“Yes, ma’am, I’ll be there,” Rose said, trying to sound stronger than she felt.  Once Amilyn had left the room, Rose turned towards Rey again.  “Tell me something I don’t know.  Surprise me; that’ll shake my nerves.”

 

“Okay...I’m in love with Ben,” Rey blurted out, surprising herself as she admitted it.

 

Rose simply laughed.  “I knew that.”

 

“You--you did?” Rey asked, dumbfounded.

 

Rose rolled her eyes.  “Of course, did you just figure it out yourself?”

 

“Maybe…” Rey’s voice squeaked.

 

“Sweet summer child,” Rose said - reminding Rey of their conversation from months ago when they had seen Burn This together.  “Thanks for taking my mind off things.  Time to go sing my heart out.  Love you, girl!”

 

“Knock ‘em dead!” Rey encouraged, nudging Rose’s arm as she passed.

 

Rey sat in stunned silence, chewing over her words and realizing what she had admitted out loud.  She knew she had fallen for him, but she didn’t realize she was in love until she said it.  She knew she should tell him, but it was a matter of when and how.  

 

Soon, the other ladies trickled back in after having watched each other perform.  They moved around Rey excitedly, getting ready for the Masquerade performance and complimenting each other on how well they had done.  Rose came back in last, eyeing Rey thoughtfully before turning away to change.

 

Rey had zoned out, staring at nothing in particular and idly twiddling her thumbs.  She glanced up when she felt her friend touching her arm.

 

“You really didn’t know?” Rose asked, resuming their earlier conversation.

 

“No - I mean, maybe I did - but…” Rey’s words died before she could finish them.

 

“Sweetie, you act like loving him is a bad thing.  Is it?”

 

“Not at all.  That’s just it.  Falling for him was as natural as breathing.  I can’t imagine anything being easier than it has been with him.  I guess I’m concerned that it’s too good to be true.  I don’t really deserve him,” Rey confessed.

 

“Shhh, don’t start that now,” Rose said, cutting Rey off before she could continue with her self-deprecation.  “Take it for what it is.  If you love him, then chances are he loves you, too.  But you’ll never know till you say something.”

 

“You’re right,” Rey said, a spark of hope shining in her eyes.

 

Soon the two friends were ushered to the stage with the rest of the cast and instructed to find their starting positions for the Masquerade number. The cast lined the stage in an impressive array of black and white costumes, ranging from clowns to various animals, dramatic dames, and dazzling gentlemen. Many wore two-toned black and white masks and carried double-sided fans in silver and gold.

 

This was a modified version of the impressive song that opened the second act of the infamous Phantom of the Opera .  Their version consisted of the chorus and lots of dancing. 

 

Rey felt as though she were dressed as a Victorian bride in a stunning off-shoulder, corseted white gown, studded with Swarovski crystals.  She wore elbow-length gloves and starburst pins in her curly chestnut hair.  Ben looked like a soldier in dress uniform; the stark black contrasting with golden rope design and shiny buttons made him look elegant and sophisticated.

 

As Rey stood next to Ben, she held her mask in hand and leaned in close to him.  “I have something I need to tell you,” she whispered just as the music was starting.

 

Ben cast a sidelong glance down at her as they began their opening move.  The choreography for this one was fun, involving syncopated Vogue-inspired moves as well as ballroom dancing.  Some of the cast lined a dramatic stairway, simply singing, while others galavanted about the stage.

 

Ben and Rey were centerstage with dancers on either side of them, including Poe and Jessika and Finn and Rose.  They were dressed similarly to Ben and Rey in striking Victorianesque costumes of dazzling ball gowns and suits with coattails.

 

Ben lifted Rey with ease into a turn around the stage. “I need to tell you something, too,” he said as he sat her on her feet.

 

Rey grinned at that.  She was sure that whatever he was going to tell her would make her laugh.  He always was one for putting her at ease and lightening the mood.  

 

The performance continued with a few more dramatic turns and mask play before it ended, and Rey heard the thunderous applause from the audience.  She glanced to her right to see Ben smiling down at her, a certain twinkle to his eyes that she had never seen before.

 

Just as Rey opened her mouth to speak, she was ushered away by Amilyn for the next number to perform.  Glancing behind her, she locked eyes one more time with Ben before rounding the corner.

 

In no time Rey had stripped to her nude undergarments and was stepping into her lace leotard and skirts before Rose helped her with her corset.  Rey blushed when she remembered their photoshoot and the time things had gotten particularly heated with her and Ben.  Now, weeks later, they’ve grown closer and have moved beyond chaste kisses and mindless groping.  They had made love countless times and were most content simply holding one another.  Funny how things seemed to change with time.

 

And to think, this had all happened within three months.  She shook her head at that realization.

 

Rey plucked a rose from the basket that was her prop and breathed in its heavenly fragrance.  It was musky and sweet and brought back memories of England with rose gardens in the countryside, warm summer breezes, and the sound of laughter.  Despite all their struggling, life really hadn’t been that bad for them.  Not when she remembered times like that.

 

“Rey, you’re up in five,” Amilyn announced, to which Rey nodded.

 

“You’re so confident,” Rose complimented.  “I’ve not seen you like this in ages.”

 

Rey wore a knowing smile.  “I won’t be alone out there; I’ve got Ben,” 

 

“Get em, girl!” Rose encouraged, making Rey’s smile brighter.

 

Just as Oola had instructed, she stood at stage left, taking a deep breath and letting it out as she began with her small solo to the sound of gentle applause from the audience.

 

“No thoughts within her head but thoughts of joy!

No dreams within her heart but dreams of love!”

 

Crossing the stage she settled down in her spot; she fiddled with the roses, trying to look as lovely and dreamy as possible, per Oola’s instructions.  She was so focused on her work, she nearly jumped when she heard Ben begin to sing.  His entrance was met with much louder applause, but she didn’t hold it against him.  She had been out of the limelight for so long, and he was a star in his own right.   

 

She stood on cue, facing him as he stalked toward her in his stunning costume, singing words that made her melt despite having heard them hundreds of times.  Somehow, she even managed to keep her mouth shut when his long fingers wrapped around her slender throat, and she resisted the urge to grab his thigh though she desperately wanted to.  He actually kissed her hand, though, instead of pretending, and her breath hitched.

 

The music shifted.  It was her turn to sing, but she was flustered by having heard and interacted with Ben.  His rich baritone and seductive undertone had sent shivers down her spine and made heat pool between her thighs.  She shook her head as if to be free of her carnal thoughts, her voice wavering on the first word.  The more she sang, the more confident she became, the words pouring out of her as she turned away from Ben and faced the audience.

 

The way the stage was lit, she couldn’t see anyone in the crowd and so it felt like she was performing alone with Ben, accompanied by their orchestra weaving wondrous music with sensual strains of violins and harmonious cellos.  Making her way across the stage, Rey approached the set that they had built together, slowly making her way up the side of the double stairway.  

 

She kept her eyes on Ben the entire time, leaning against the railing when she asked the question, “How long should we two wait before we’re one?” as if they had never made love before.  That was what this song was all about, being wrapped in desire and crossing the line, letting bridges burn, and falling to the flame.  Soon they stood on opposite ends of the catwalk, and it was their turn to sing together.  Ben whipped off his cape dramatically, letting it fold over the railing as he paced closer and closer to Rey.  Their steps were silent, and they walked on notes of love as they finally connected, grasping each other’s arms and leaning against one another.

 

In a gentle turn, he spun her around where her back was to his front, and he smoothed his hands over her corseted torso, holding her against him as they finished their final lines.  The violins played their last few notes before a harp began its accompaniment to Ben’s closing solo.  Rey waited till the precise moment when she turned to face him, holding his hands and gazing lovingly into his eyes.  She stroked his cheek and grasped his mask, pulling it off just as he sang, “That’s all I ask of you.”

 

Unlike in the musical itself, Ben’s face wasn’t grotesque and scarred.  He was his usual handsome self, illuminated in the soft glow of a spotlight as he smiled sweetly at her.  Rey closed her eyes and leaned against him as the crowd began their applause.  Rey nuzzled against Ben as he kissed her hair.

 

“Angel,” he whispered, “Open your eyes.”

 

He encouraged her to look, and she could see - the audience was on their feet, cheering louder for them than they had for any of the previous acts.  She wasn’t sure if it was for her, for Ben, or for both of them, but she didn’t care.  From this perspective and with Ben at her side, she felt invincible.  He leaned into her, pressing his lips against her ear.

 

“I love you,” he said as the crowd continued to cheer.

 

Rey turned to look at him, their faces mere inches apart as she said, “I love you, too.”

 

Ben gave her a chaste kiss, and they turned back toward the crowd, bowing as the rest of the cast began filing in from the wings, each bowing in turn before standing to the side for the next.  Ben rubbed Rey’s back as they watched everyone from above.  Somehow, in this moment, Rey was no longer afraid.  Her body no longer trembled; her breathing wasn’t erratic.  She had fully faced her fears and completed a performance -- with the man she loved -- at a height that mere months ago would have made her curl in on herself and sob like a child.

 

At last, the curtains went down, and everyone made their way off-stage and out to the lobby to shake the hands of the audience and offer autographs and pictures to those interested.  Atop their catwalk, Ben and Rey were the last to leave, Ben halting Rey before she reached for the stage door.

 

“My sweetheart...my Angel...my Rey,” he murmured, pulling her into a tight embrace.

 

“I love you, Ben,” she said again, standing on tiptoe to meet him halfway as their lips collided.  Their kiss was sloppy and slow, their lips moving as if feeling one another for the first time, learning every peak and curve.  Ben teasingly licked her upper lip before retreating and taking her hand.  

 

“I love you, too,” he replied, the lovelight burning in his eyes.  “Come, our fans await.”

 

Rey had never signed as many autographs as she had that night.  By the time the last of the audience had left, her hand was cramped, but her heart was full.  This was what she needed.  She had never been more sure of herself than she had at this moment.  Just as she started to turn away to re-enter the theater, a gentle hand on her arm stopped her.

 

“Rey?” came the tranquil voice of her therapist, Ahsoka.

 

“You came!” Rey said, accepting the warm embrace from Ahsoka.

 

“I couldn’t miss it,” she said genuinely.  She smiled fondly upon Rey, and Rey’s heart swelled with pride.

 

“Neither could I,” Rey’s Aunt Maz said, coming around from behind Ahsoka’s towering form.

 

The petite, older woman stood on tiptoe to claim her niece’s hug.  The two women held each other for a long time, Maz stroking Rey’s hair in a soothing manner.  Rey breathed her in, wrapped in the comforting scent of patchouli and ylang-ylang.

 

“Thank you both, this means the world to me!” Rey said, accepting the flowers that Ahsoka had offered her.

 

“Go change, dear; we need to reconnect!” Maz encouraged, leaning in and quietly adding, “I want to be introduced to that handsome stage partner of yours, too.”

 

“ Maz !” Rey whispered conspiratorially, “His name is Kylo, and he’s my boyfriend,” 

 

“Ah!  Even better, congrats, my dear,” Maz said, offering Rey another quick squeeze.

 

An hour later, Rey found herself sitting with Ben, surrounded by friends on the rooftop terrace of Plunge.  The atmosphere was relaxed and friendly with pleasant conversation and laughter all around.  Ben and Rey were almost constantly touching, whether it was holding hands or pressing their knees together.  More than once, Ben leaned in to stroke Rey’s hair out of her face.  He’d whisper something to make her laugh, and she’d blush profusely whenever she caught anyone staring at them.

 

“Mr. Ren, your usual?” a waitress asked when she came by for their orders.

 

“Actually, no, give me water,” Ben said, earning a gentle squeeze from Rey.

 

After the waitress walked off, Phasma cleared her throat, catching Ben’s attention.  “Why, Kylo, I never thought I’d see the day when you didn’t order alcohol at a bar.  First, you quit smoking, and now you quit drinking?”

 

“What can I say?” Ben began, “My partner here has changed me.  Taught me new coping mechanisms.”  He smiled broadly at Rey, resting his hand on her knee.

 

“If by coping mechanisms, you mean extracurricular activities in the bedroom, then yeah.  Totally,” Rose joked.  Her husband gasped audibly.

 

“Rose, darling, you don’t know that.  Give the man a break,” Armitage said in Ben’s defense.

 

“Don’t ‘Rose darling’ me!  Look at her face; that says it all.  That is one satisfied gal right there,” Rose quipped.

 

Rey blushed at that.

 

“In all fairness, we’ve been discussing new coping methods in therapy.  I can’t tell you just what; that would be a breach in patient confidentiality.  Just know that they’ve both changed in really positive and wonderful ways,” Ahsoka offered gently.

 

Ben leaned in closer to Rey, brushing her ear with his lips.  “We know who is right though.”

 

“Ben!” Rey chuckled, elbowing him lightly.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so relaxed and carefree.

 

“So you two are really an item, then?” Finn asked, changing the subject slightly.

 

Rey looked at Ben who nodded and offered a reassuring smile.  “Yes, officially.”

 

The friends all offered joyful toasts to love and friendship and continued to enjoy a quiet night beneath the stars.

Notes:

At last, the performance is over! To top it off, they admitted they loved each other. What do you think of that? I'd love to hear your thoughts on things! Thank you so much for reading!

Shout out to my beta, tmwillson3 and the lovely artist, Laura Barcali, for creating the masterpiece of Ben and Rey in their costumes!!

Chapter 12: Epilogue

 

A week following the performance, there was a break in the weather, and Ben and Rey decided to return to Coney Island.  Rey wanted to go on the earliest train possible to make it just as they were opening.  Her first challenge was to find the most unusual food available for breakfast.  Crossing through the gates along with a few other early arrivers, they headed straight for a map, looking at the locations of food trucks and restaurants.  

 

Rey paused thoughtfully, hand on her chin as she hummed to herself.  “You know, this does absolutely nothing for me.  How am I supposed to know who has what unless we stop at every single location?”

 

“And who says that would be a bad idea?” Ben asked, glancing beyond the board to some of the nearby food locations.

 

“No, that would take away from the rides and whatnot.  Besides, what if we find something even weirder at one place and we’re already full?” she argued.

 

“Sweetheart, I have never seen you turn down food.  Even when you’re full,” he pointed out.

 

“You have a point...but still.  There has to be a guide somewhere?”

 

Ben pulled out his phone and did a trusty Google search.  He pursed his lips as he reviewed some of the options.  “Well, there’s always the cockroach pizza?” he suggested right off the bat.

 

“Ugh, are you serious?” Rey asked, her face twisted in disgust.

 

“Mmhmm, or we could do chocolate-covered scorpions?” Ben said, pointing to his phone to show the display of neatly arranged scorpions on a platter.  His eyes glinted mischievously, gauging her reaction and living for the moment.

 

“Honestly, Ben, I said I wanted unusual food, not disgusting food I wouldn’t feed my own aunt.” 

 

Ben shrugged.  “I don’t know, Maz is a bit out there.  I bet she’d like the scorpions.”

 

“Come on, be nice.”  Rey offered, awkwardly running her hand through her hair and choking out a laugh.  “I know she’s strange, but she’s got...taste…” 

 

“Says the girl who will eat ‘anything’, except clearly you won’t,” Ben argued with a wicked grin.

 

Rey rolled her eyes.  “You know what I like; I’ll trust you to surprise me.”

 

Ben’s eyebrows rose in shock.  Months ago, she didn’t trust him, and she just openly admitted to it.  He was pleased that they had progressed so far, and was grateful for the change.  Even if it was something as silly as deciding on strange foods, her trust meant the world to him.  Things felt right between them, and he couldn't imagine it any other way.

 

“Might be the last time you let me decide, so I better make this good,” Ben said, scrolling through his phone until at last, he found what he was after.  “Ah-ha!  You can’t say no to this.  It’s two of my favorite classics combined, and I know you love a classic.”

 

Rey looked at him dubiously for a moment but relented, reaching for his hand and following his lead.  They walked along the central boardwalk between attractions until Ben stopped them in front of a restaurant.

 

“Stay here, sweetheart; I’ll bring the food to you,” he encouraged, gesturing to a seat beneath an umbrella.  

 

Minutes later he came out carrying a tray, laden with several treats.  There were five little portions total, and Ben couldn’t wait to see Rey’s reactions.  He was especially excited because deep down he knew what she wanted.  He loved knowing everything about her and always wanted to put her and her desires first in all situations.

 

“Okay,” he began, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.  “So I’ll warn you right off the bat, everything is fried.  I think you can handle that though, what with your yoga and high metabolism.  We just might want to take it easy on the rides, depending on how your stomach handles it.”

 

“Okay…” Rey agreed, nodding slowly as she apprehensively eyed the containers.

 

“First thing first - a traditional breakfast food, the Krispy Kreme doughnut.  Now, I give you - the doughnut bacon cheeseburger,” Ben said with a grand sweep at the now-open box.  Rey hummed in appreciation.  “Next, you gotta have coffee with your doughnuts, so here’s some deep-fried Starbucks coffee.”

 

“Oooh!” Rey said, immediately reaching out and popping a small ball of fried dough into her mouth.  “Mmm…” she added, eyes rolling back.  “I could eat that entire thing by myself.”

 

“I’m sure you could, but save at least one for me,” Ben noted with a laugh.  “Next is an after-school snack of sorts from growing up.  I give you deep-fried Kool-Aid with deep-fried Oreos.”

 

Rey arched an eyebrow at the mere mention of Kool-Aid, but her eyes brightened at the mention of Oreos.  She grabbed one of those, munching on it happily.

 

“Finally, the one I’m most excited about.  I give you the deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich kabob with fried Reese’s cups.” 

 

“Okay, well I’ve got dibs on the Starbucks and the kabobs,” Rey said, quickly gathering those up closer to her.

 

“That’s fair, should make a solid breakfast.  I’ll enjoy the rest,” Ben said, eagerly digging into the burger.  “Wow,” he added, covering his mouth.  “You know I don’t think I’ll ever order one of these again, but this is pretty damn good.” 

 

“You did well, baby,” Rey said, leaning in and kissing Ben tenderly before diving back into her food.

 

He always loved watching her eat.  She took such satisfaction in every meal she had.  While he knew at one point in her life that she struggled with starvation, now she could truly enjoy every little thing without having to wonder where her next meal was from.  To him, that was beautiful, as were all her little satisfied noises and she way her eyes closed as she happily licked her lips.  She eyed him again between bites and he felt warm inside.

 

“Thank you, Angel,” Ben said, wiping his mouth with a napkin.  “And hey, we didn’t get hotdogs.  Those would be too common and mundane.”

 

Rey simply laughed.  “Mundane, indeed,” Rey said, licking her fingers. 

 

After finishing their meals, both agreed it set much heavier than they intended and headed for the Wonder Wheel to settle their stomachs before venturing out to the wilder coasters.  Ben couldn’t help but gaze lovingly upon Rey as they rose slowly above the park.  The views from the Ferris wheel were incredible, but nothing compared to the beauty before him.  She seemed lost in thought, and there was a certain sadness to her eyes which he hadn’t noticed before they climbed aboard the Wheel.

 

“A penny for your thoughts?” he asked.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing really.  Just thinking,” she said, brushing him off easily, but he was no fool.

 

Ben reached across the car, resting his hand reassuringly on her shoulder.  “If you change your mind and want to talk, I’m here for you.”  Rey smiled lightly, still gazing out without saying anything.  Ben tilted her chin up to look at him.  “I mean it, sweetheart.  I love you, and everything you say or do or think matters to me.”

 

“I love you, too, Ben.  So much.  And if you must know...I’m just thinking about home.  It’s been so long since I was there.  I was thinking about asking Maz, but do you want to come with me to London?  I bought a pair of tickets --” she was interrupted by the shrill ringing of Ben’s phone.  He held up his index finger as if to tell her to wait a moment.

 

“Phas, hey,” he answered, mouthing ‘sorry’ to Rey.

 

“Kylo, darling, can you talk?  Is this a good time?” Phasma queried. 

 

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” he said, “as long as it doesn’t take too long.”  He gestured for Rey to scoot over as he slid onto the seat next to her.  He lovingly wrapped his arm around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

 

“Oh good, this will only take a moment,” Phasma explained.  “I’ve got good news about a new role.  Do you want to hear about it?” 

 

“You know what…?” he asked, glancing down at Rey.  He stroked her hair thoughtfully, making her look up at him.  “No, I don’t.” 

 

“ Really ?  Why the sudden change?” Phasma inquired, the shock apparent in her tone.

 

“Because I’m taking a vacation,” he said confidently. “I’m going to London,” he added with a smile.  Rey gasped quietly before returning the smile.

 

“You know what?” Phasma asked.  “I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve done since you hired me on as your agent.  Go have your fun, take as long as you need, and when you’re back in the states, you know where to find me.” Phasma doted upon him as if she were a proud mother.

 

“I certainly will,” Ben promised before hanging up the phone.

 

Rey beamed at him, her eyes alight with excitement.  “I can’t believe you turned down a role for me!”  she gushed, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in close.

 

Her reaction alone made it worth it.  He loved seeing her smile, knowing he was the reason behind it.  He’d happily spend the rest of his life making her smile like that.  When she held him in her arms, it made everything even better.

 

Their lips collided before he could respond, and he kissed back just as passionately as Rey had kissed him.  Her hands found his hair, playing with it lightly but keeping him in place.  The world around them faded away, and at that moment they were alone, drifting slowly over the city.  When they finally separated, both were breathless.  

 

“Well,” he began gasping for another breath.  “I’ve been doing too much lately, and I think I’ve earned this break.  I love you, and I know how much this trip means to you.  Honestly, I’m happy you asked; I couldn’t imagine -”

 

Rey cut him off with a chaste kiss.  “Why wouldn’t I ask?” She kissed him again and again, a fluttering of kisses on his lips, his nose, his eyes.  “Why wouldn’t I?” she asked again.

 

“Because there’s Maz…?” he trailed off before she firmly grabbed a hold of his face. Her eyes were alight with love and determination, resolute in her decision.

 

“Ben.  If I wanted to go with Maz, don’t you think I would have asked her first?  I really wasn’t sure you’d say yes, but you were my first choice.  Always my first.”

 

Ben smiled broadly at Rey, leaning to press his forehead to hers.  Closing his eyes he breathed deeply, feeling light and free.  “Just one question, Angel,” he whispered.

 

“Yes?” she breathed, nuzzling against him.

 

“When do we leave?”

Notes:

Well that's it! We've made it to the end! What did you think? I'd love to here your thoughts and opinions, whether you loved it or hated it. Feedback helps me grow. Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate the support. Until next time...I'll be brainstorming a fabulous new story for you all!

Thanks to my beta tmwillson3. Go check or her stiff, she's an amazing author too!