Chapter Text
Lex was dead and Lena was a ghost.
Kara didn’t know what she’d expected from Lena, but it wasn’t this. This fade from view that had made her all but invisible in the three weeks since Lex’s death. There were no brunches together, no midday spin classes—not even a brief glimpse of her boss on the busy CatCo editorial floor. Aside from that first game night, Lena had essentially pulled into herself and away from everyone in their social circle, and it had left everything feeling a little off-kilter as they all tried to return to normal.
The group had, of course, noticed the disappearance, had felt the absence in their gatherings and conversations, but each had seemed to tacitly agree that Lena just needed space to deal with everything that had happened with Lex. What she had gone through with her brother had been traumatizing, and if the way she needed to handle it was late nights at L-Corp digging out from yet another Lex-induced publicity nightmare, then that’s what they needed to give her. Space was their gift.
Kara tried not to worry, and most days she didn’t. Maybe it was because Lena had seemed so confident during the final days fighting Lex, so calm at their game night, that it didn’t seem possible that she was doing anything other than working too much. Or maybe, it was because Kara had been so wrapped up in guilt about keeping her secret identity from her best friend, that she was grateful for the space Lena had created so she could work up the nerve to admit her truth. Or maybe, it was because despite her physical absence at social events, Lena was still there, liking the dog pictures Kara would text, still there as a silhouette at her desk when Kara would fly her nightly rounds around the city. It wasn’t until Lena’s text replies dwindled to almost nothing, until the lights in Lena’s office were dark at a reasonable time, that Kara started to worry in earnest. And it wasn’t until Kara’s email pinged one afternoon with an impersonal calendar invite to meet at Lena’s office later that day, that she began to sense that something was wrong.
At 5pm Kara exited the elevator at L-Corp. She was coming straight from work, so her hair wasn’t as tidy as she’d like, her shirt a little more rumpled. She pushed her glasses higher on her nose and swallowed down her fear as she smiled at Lena’s new secretary. Kara took a quick, steadying breath to pump herself up before she walked into Lena’s office. She had done the right thing, giving Lena space. Not telling her right away about her identity was the right thing to do because Lena was so fragile, and things had been so fresh with Lex—there wasn’t time now to second guess giving Lena a little time to breathe again before she suffered another blow. What was done was done, and now it was time to move forward.
Kara took another quick breath before she entered Lena’s office, forcing a bright and cheerful smile to her lips before she popped her head around the door. “You wanted to see me?” she asked, her voice hopeful despite her stomach twisting about what state she’d find Lena in. She had expected to see Lena at her desk, peeking up over a stack of papers, but instead Lena was sitting primly on her white leather couch, a glass of water before her.
Lena seemed to deflate a little at the sound of Kara’s voice. “I did,” Lena said. “Thank you for coming.” She nodded for Kara to close the door, and Kara complied.
“Of course, anything for you,” Kara said as she turned and started toward the couch with her still hopeful smile. “You’ve been so busy lately; I’ve missed seeing you. Is everything all right?”
Lena’s voice sounded tired when she replied. “I’ve had a lot on my plate.”
Kara’s hands tightened on her purse straps. “All good things, I hope.”
“Not really,” Lena admitted. She stood and put her hands together in front of her. “I’ve actually purposefully been keeping my distance because I needed some time alone to figure some things out.”
“Oh?” Kara asked, her brow crinkling in concern.
Lena nodded. She steeled herself and then spoke. “You’ve been keeping something from me, and I know what it is.”
Kara’s stomach dropped, her eyes going wide. “Lena–”
“It took me a while to figure it out,” Lena interrupted, her voice calm. “I had suspicions, but it wasn’t until after everything with Lex that it finally clicked into place, this, secret you’ve been keeping from me.” She watched Kara closely.
“Lena, I can explain, I–”
“You’re in love with me.”
Kara felt Lena’s words as powerfully as if Superman had blindsided her and knocked the wind from her body. Of all of the things she had expected Lena to say about Kara keeping a secret from her, that was not it. “What?”
“It’s the only reasonable explanation,” Lena said, her voice still even and calm. “Why you stuck with me after everything with Edge, after my rift with Supergirl, with what I did for Lex…” she trailed off. “That you stayed, that you fought for me… You wouldn’t have done those things unless you loved me.”
Kara was floored. “Lena…” She shook her head, her mind tumbling. She smiled, tight and strained. “I, do, love you, I do, but I’m not…” She laughed, her smile going bright, her cheeks brighter. “You’re my best friend.”
Lena nodded. “Friends.”
“Yes,” Kara said, her voice emphatic. “Friends.” She huffed, her heart racing, wondering how the conversation had gone this way. “You’re…” She searched for a word, the word, to describe who Lena was to her, but no further words came out.
“I thought that, too,” Lena said. “Best friends stick up for each other, they stand by each other. But when I looked back on our time together… I’ve seen the way you look at me,” Lena said, her gaze locked onto Kara’s eyes. “And it’s more than friendly.”
Kara’s brows pulled down.
“The way your eyes linger on me. How your gaze drops.” Lena’s own eyes looked to her chest and up, Kara’s eyes darting to where Lena had looked before looking up. Kara swallowed hard, her cheeks scarlet as she met Lena’s eye. “I explained it away for a long time; admiration for my expensive clothes, bashfulness, but it’s hard to do when you hold me longer than the others after game night.”
“Lena…”
Lena cleared her throat. “And I think you’ve seen how I look at you.” Lena looked at Kara with open affection. “You have to know that I think you’re beautiful.” Kara’s breath left her again and her head slightly cocked, her face puzzled. “Turns out, I’m in love with you, too.”
Time stopped for Kara as she stared, gobsmacked at Lena. Lena, who was looking at her in a way Kara’d only ever hoped someone would look at her. “You.” Kara stammered, her eyes huge. “You.”
Lena nodded. She stepped forward, Kara’s breath hitching when Lena stopped inches away from her. “Which is why,” Lena said. “It’s so devastating that you chose to betray me, Supergirl.”
Kara felt the blood run from her face, her extremities suddenly very cold as the open, adoring look on Lena’s face hardened, her eyes turning to steel. “Lena,” Kara choked out.
Lena turned and took a couple of steps away, before turning and again meeting Kara’s eye. Lena’s face was as cold as Kara’d ever seen it. “I think we could have had something,” Lena said, her voice slighly wavering through tight lips. “And now…” she shrugged. “To be perfectly honest, I’m finding it difficult to be in the same room with you.”
Kara took a deep breath, her voice coming out in a broken whoosh. “I can explain–”
“I’m sure you can,” Lena said.
“I was trying to protect you.”
“By lying to me.”
“Yes,” Kara said. “No. I–” She huffed in a breath, frustrated with herself. She had practiced this, knew it was coming, but being here with Lena was so different– “I lied to protect you from the people who would use my identity to hurt you.”
“As opposed to all of the other people who try to hurt me for just me being me.” Lena shifted slightly, her gaze never wavering.
“It’s different.”
“I’d ask how, but I don’t think I care enough about the answer,” Lena said. “I think.” She stopped. “I think, if I had found out any other way than how I did, I might have been receptive to what you have to say.” She took a deep breath, her eyes starting to water. “But finding out from Lex.” She met Kara’s eye and stared. “Finding out from him after I shot him?” Kara sucked in a breath, horror crossing her face. “I don’t know if I can forgive that…”
“You… You shot, Lex?” Kara asked, her voice small.
“You thought you killed him,” Lena said. “Surprise.”
“I…” Kara opened and closed her mouth, her eyes training on Lena as a mountain of information crashed into Kara’s brain, as she had to rearrange what and how she thought about the last three weeks. “Are you OK?”
Lena smiled wide, her eyes red with unshed tears. ”Ever the noble hero…” Her smile faded. “How did I not see it sooner…”
“Lena, I wanted to tell you.”
“Of course you did,” Lena whispered.
“I talked myself out of it a million times, on the plane, I…” Kara tightened her hands into fists by her side. “I knew how much it would hurt you. That you would lump me in with everyone else–”
“Stop,” Lena said.
“I’m not like them, I care–”
“Stop,” Lena said sharply, holding up a hand. “Please.”
Kara nodded, her own eyes watering. They were silent for a long while before Kara tried again. “I was going to tell you. Soon, I was going to.”
Lena just nodded her head, the action both an acceptance of Kara’s words and an expression of her disbelief. They stood awkwardly across from each other for a long moment, neither moving.
“So now what?” Kara finally asked quietly, and Lena lifted an eyebrow in question. “What happens, now, with us?”
Lena nodded, processing the question. She stilled herself and met Kara’s eye. “First? You’re fired.”
“What?” Kara asked, her brow crumpling in confusion.
“I won’t have anyone working for me who lies to my face,” Lena said calmly. “Not after Eve.” Kara pressed her lips together, as if she were about to speak and Lena held up her hand. “I know James knew.”
Fear clouded Kara’s features. “You can’t fire him–”
“Oh, I can, but I won’t, because it wasn’t his secret to tell,” Lena said plainly. “You put him in a horrible position, but he’s obviously more forgiving than me.” She shook her head. “You asked him to break into my vault, you…” Lena swallowed to compose herself before continuing. “How he chooses to deal with the situation once he becomes aware of my thoughts on the subject is up to him.”
“And Alex?” Kara asked, desperation at the reality of the situation starting to leak into her voice. “Brainy?”
“They’re your friends,” Lena said carefully. “Your concern.”
Kara exhaled heavily and put her hand to her forehead, turning and pacing a few steps before dropping her hand noisily against her side and turning to face Lena. “So you’re just going to cut me off? All of us, everyone who cares about you, like everything we’ve been through together doesn’t matter? I– Lena…”
Lena stared, watched as Kara fidgeted, her hands balling into fists before relaxing, her lips pressing together to speak before falling open with unspoken words. When Kara finally stilled, finally met her eye with a sad look that spoke more than words ever could, Lena said, “You should go.”
Kara’s face twisted with desperation. “Lena.” Lena looked to the floor and nodded resolutely, her lips pursed. Kara took a step forward and Lena’s head snapped up, her eyes wide. She took a hurried step back and Kara froze at Lena’s defensive body language.
“Go.”
Kara’s face pinched and her eyes watered. This was worse than every worst case scenario she had envisioned, because the way Lena was looking at her… Kara’s lips thinned. Everything inside of her told her to stay and fight, but Lena looked like a bird with a broken wing, delicate and panicked, and Kara knew if she pushed she’d hurt her further. Kara swallowed hard, swallowed down her guilt and deciept and caught Lena’s eye for what could very well be the last time. “I want to be your friend,” Kara said softly. “And I will always, always, be there for you.”
Lena’s nostrils flared with distrust, but she didn’t move, and Kara knew there was nothing else she could say. She blinked once and left.
***************************
Alex walked into Kara’s apartment and threw her hands in the air as soon as the door was closed. “Hello? Dinner plans—with me—at a restaurant you picked?”
Kara didn’t reply, just looked over from her place on the couch and then back to the space of floor she’d been staring at.
“Hey, are you OK?” Alex asked, her brow furrowing as she got closer and took in Kara’s body language.
“Lena knows.”
Alex stopped and deflated. “You told her.”
“No,” Kara said, shaking her head. She looked at Alex, sadness etched into every line on her face. “Lex did.”
Alex’s face fell and she quickly sat on the couch next to Kara. “What? When?”
“Right after Lena shot him,” Kara said, her voice muted. “She killed Lex after we all thought…”
“Oh my god,” Alex said. “Is she OK?”
“No,” Kara said.
Alex nodded, her lips pressed tight together. “She confronted you.”
Kara nodded slowly. “In her office a few hours ago.”
“What did she say?” Alex asked, watching Kara’s profile.
Kara was quiet for a moment, obviously organizing her thoughts. “She told me she was in love with me.”
“Oh,” Alex said, her voice dropping in shock as she processed the words.
“And, she said that she thought I was in love with her,” Kara added quietly.
“Oh,” Alex said, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “That’s…” Alex shook her head, her eyes darting to look at Kara and then away. Silence stretched between them, each sitting abnormally still next to each other on the couch.
“Am I?”
“What?” Alex asked, confused.
Kara swallowed hard. “Would I have done, anything I've done for Lena for anyone else? I've always chosen her. Even after she made kryptonite, I…” Kara rubbed her forehead. “She fired me. And when I got home, I had a job offer from the Daily Planet waiting for me in my inbox.” She looked to Alex’s confused face. “Lena apparently sent my resume to them. They want me to take over Kal’s old beat in Metropolis.”
“You're not thinking about taking it. Kara you can't move all the way across the country–”
“No, of course not.” Kara exhaled, her nerves obviously shot. She shook her hands out, anxious. “God, I wish Kal was here.”
Alex tried to not look stung. Kara caught the look out of the corner of her eye and she quickly explained. “Lois didn’t know that Kal was Superman, when she and Clark first…” She shrugged.
Realization washed over Alex’s features. “Kara… Do you want to be with Lena?”
Kara smiled, embarrased, her hand turning into a fist on her lap. “I don't think that's an option.”
“But, if it were–”
Kara stood suddenly, the blanket that had been on her lap falling to the floor. She paced away from the couch, Alex watching patiently. “I think I need some fresh air.”
“Kara…”
Kara turned back to Alex and shrugged, unable to put what she was feeling into words. Alex just nodded, and in a flash Kara was out the open window, her comfy clothes pooled by the couch on the floor.
***************************
Kara took in a deep breath, the icy atmosphere inside the Fortress of Solitude slightly stinging her overworked lungs. She had no doubt broken the sound barrier flying there, but it had felt good to stretch her abilities, to tax the muscles that she usually kept deliberatly underused. She thought of Lena and the pained look on her face as they stood across from each other in her office earlier that night. Tears immediately sprung to Kara’s eyes, and it wasn’t long before she was sitting on the edge of one of the Fortress’s recovery tables crying.
“Kara?”
Kara jumped to her feet, her eyes wide as she spun in a circle.
“Kara, is that you?”
“Kal?!” Kara asked, surprised.
“What's wrong?” Kal-El asked, his voice heavy with urgent concern. “Are you injured?”
Kara again spun in a circle, her eyes looking for the man who spoke. “What?” Kara asked, confused until she remembered that she had seconds before been crying. She pressed her eyes closed before opening them again and looking around. “No. Where are you?”
“Argo.”
“Excuse me?” Kara asked, her eyebrows arched.
“I’m still on Argo,” Kal-El answered and Kara’s brow furrowed. “I programmed the Fortress’s computers to call me if you were there and it sensed you were in distress.”
“Oh my God,” Kara blushed, her voice slighly muffled as she covered her face, mortified.
“But you're OK?” he asked, seeking reassurance.
“Yes,” she answered, dropping her hands to her side. She cocked her head slightly. “I’m sorry to have worried you.”
“No, please don’t apologize,” Kal-El answered.
“He feels guilty he left you alone.”
Kara’s eyebrows again arched and she blushed. “Lois?”
“Hi, Kara,” Lois replied, and Kara rubbed a hand sheepishly across the back of her neck.
“I didn’t realize you had me on speaker,” Kara mumbled.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Lois asked and Kara rolled her eyes.
“Yes,” she said, her cheeks flushing. “I just. I needed to get away from real life for a little while.”
“So you went to the big ice cube palace,” Lois joked and Kara couldn’t help but smile at the familial tease.
“It is a little piece of home away from home,” Kara reminded Lois, her voice also a gentle tease. “Speaking of home, how is Argo City?”
“Stable, thanks to Lena Luthor,” Kal-El said and Kara’s face fell. “Your mother is well, and the population seems to be responding well to the new Harun-El.”
“That’s good,” Kara said, slightly melancholy. “And you, Lois, how are you feeling?” she asked, quickly changing the subject before either on the other line could pick up on her sadness. “How is my future nephew treating you?”
“Well, if the constant kicking is any indication, he’ll be a handful once we’re back on Earth and he gets a taste of the Sun.”
Kara chuckled, the sound fading as Kal-El spoke again. “Jimmy told me what happened with Lex Luthor.”
“Yeah,” Kara said slowly, turning and picking up the bottom of her cape before she leaned heavily against the edge of the recovery bed.
“He told me you defeated him, once and for all.”
“I didn’t,” Kara said, her voice thin with sadness. “Lena did.” Kara felt like she could practically hear the look Kal-El and Lois were giving each other across the line.
“Lena…”
“Apparently, my fight with Lex in his Warsuit wasn’t the end like we all thought…” Kara trailed off. “He escaped, and Lena shot him.”
“She killed him,” Kal-El said.
“Good,” Lois said, and the three sat silent through the tension that followed. “Is that why you’re here?” Lois finally asked. “Why you needed to get away?”
The question cut awfully close to Kara’s truth and she shifted her shoulders slightly, as if she could wriggle away from the feeling of loss settling in her chest. “It’s just been a hard day,” she said quietly.
After a long moment of silence, Kal-El spoke. “When I need a break, I go to Smallville.” Kara looked up, her face open to his words. “Kara…” He took in a deep breath. “My home is your home. If you need a break, go to Smallville.”
“Kal, that’s…” Kara smiled, uncomfortable. “That’s, really, sweet, but I couldn’t–”
“Yes you could,” Lois said quickly. Kara’s mouth opened and closed, silently. “Besides, I don’t trust that kid Clark paid to cut the back lawn. It’s probably thigh high in weeds by now. You could go and make sure we don’t bring our son home to a dilapitated haunted house.”
Kara blushed as she smiled. “That’s, that’s very tempting…”
“But…?” Kal-El asked and Kara’s brow knit as everything finally hit her. She didn’t have a job, didn’t have any place she had to be, and the idea of going home to National City, to a place where Lena was that she– “OK,” Kara said, nodding gently. “I’ll go check it out.”
“Great,” Kal-El said, relief touching the edges of his words. “There’s a key under the rock by the porch steps.”
Kara smiled at Kal-El’s simple hospitality. He was so human. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” Kal-El said, and Kara could picture the boyish smile on his lips. There was a moment’s pause and he spoke, haltingly. “If you need me to come home, Kara, to switch places with me so you can spend time with your mother here–”
“No, no,” Kara said, waving her hand. “It’s. Thank you, but, you should be on Argo right now. Lois, should stay on Argo, at least until Superman Jr. is born.” Kara gripped the edge of the recovery table, forcing cheer into her voice. “I’m fine, and I’ll have time to visit again once you’re home and settled.”
“OK,” he said, not aruging or pushing. “You can call me, anytime you like–”
“OK,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Geez, can’t a girl go mope in a secret frozen fortress without everyone getting all weird about it?”
“Bye, Kara,” Lois said, the warmth in her voice telling Kara that Lois of all people understood.
“Bye, Lois,” Kara said with a soft smile. “Be well.”
“You too,” Lois said. “Say goodbye, Clark.”
“Goodbye, Kara.”
“Bye Kal.”
The line cut out and Kara was once again left in silence. She took in another deep, cold breath and then hopped to her feet. It seemed she was Kansas bound.
**************************
Kara flew to Smallville slowly, taking her time to fly by several of the country’s larger cities to help people in need. Metropolis. Center City. She told herself it was because people needed her with Kal off-world, but the truth was she was nervous about visiting Kal’s boyhood home. By the time she landed at the farm the sky was lit with a pre-dawn glow. Birds were singing, and when she took a deep breath she could smell the humid heat that was about to envelope the land after the sun rose. As mentioned, Kal left a key under the rock by the door, only the “rock” was a boulder the size of a Smart car. She turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, the hinges squeaking slightly as she stepped inside.
It felt strange to be in someone else’s home, to be in the home where Kal grew up when he was supposed to be with her. The latter thought made her feel even more out of place and she was about to leave when her eye caught sight of a framed picture on the mantle. The picture was from a few years before, taken by James at CatCo. Kal and her stood shoulder-to-shoulder in the shot, smile lines creasing the corners of their glasses-covered eyes. It made her smile to see it, and her shoulders relaxed a shade as she was reminded that her family had offered this place as sanctuary. She ignored the slight flutter in her stomach, the sadness that momentarily squeezed her chest when she remembered that the photo was taken the day she met Lena.
Lois had been right to distrust the boy they’d paid to keep the Kent farm up, but then, of course she was. Lois—like Lena—was almost always right. Kara changed into a combination of Kal and Lois’s clothes that she discovered in the master bedroom, and then found there was no shortage of chores to do on the farm. By late day she was surprisingly tired, despite spending a full day in the sun. She took Kal’s old pick up truck into town after finding the keys in the visor, and fell in love as she sat on a bench on main street enjoying a post-burger ice cream cone. She understood the town’s charm, why Kal returned time after time after his adoptive parents deaths to recharge and reconnect. It felt safe and small in a way that probably made Kal feel centered. Human. She returned the truck to the farm and sat in the cab for a long time, the events of the last 24-hours catching up to her. The reality of a new version of her life with Lena not in it. The sky turned dark and studded with stars, and when she looked up at them she wondered if Lena was still at work.
Kara put her hand to her chest and rubbed slightly over her heart. It hurt, and she wondered if there would ever be a time moving forward when it didn’t. She exited the cab and went back into the house to change before leaving. She replaced the key under the rock and stood in her super suit, her boots slightly crunching the gravel drive as she shifted her weight. She looked at the house, a bittersweet smile on her lips, and then flew home.
She instantly regretted it.
National City was loud, sirens blaring, and as she stepped into her apartment she realized she didn’t want to be there. Everything in her place that she loved, that little sancuary that she had created was poisoned with memories of times she had lied to Lena. Of the game night she slipped out of to go catch a bad guy, leaving Lena partnerless for a round. Of the movie nights when they would sit close on the couch, thighs brushing and cheeks blushing, the lie a thickness on the back of her tongue. Kara pressed her eyes closed, sad, and she reminded herself that things were this way because of her choices. She opened her eyes and frowned, then picked up her phone and dialed.
Alex answered on the second ring. “Kara? Hi! Where are you?”
“I’m home,” Kara said. “Are you at the DEO?”
“No, J’onn’s.”
“Can I come over?” Kara asked. She sighed with relief at Alex’s affirmative answer.
Kara flew to J’onn’s, picking up dessert on the way. Alex and J’onn were kind and respectful as she explained her plan to spend more time in Smallville, and though Kara could tell they didn’t totally agree with it, they were ultimately supportive of Kara’s decision. She would live there for a while, take care of the farm and return to National City anytime the DEO needed her as Supergirl.
“But what about…?” Alex tentatively asked and Kara forced a smile to her lips.
“It’s like a five minute flight, Alex, of course I’ll be able to still make sister dinners and game nights.”
Alex’s face fell, and Kara could see the question she was going to ask. “That’s not–”
“Who wants cupcakes?” Kara asked, smiling tight and toothy, and both Alex and J’onn took the hint: Discussing Lena was off limits.
A week later, Lena put CatCo into a blind trust. Kara found out about it in a halting phone call with James. His voice was strange and full of forced optimism, and Kara hated how he seemed to struggle to speak to her. Being caught in between two people he loved was obviously hurting him. That same week, Lena showed up at the DEO and dumped a load of technology on them—all of it Supergirl related—and effectively severed their working partnership.
“She’s angry, but I think she just needs time,” Alex said gently, and Kara had nodded into the phone even though Alex couldn’t see her, too choked up to speak. Brainy emailed Kara to tell her that Lena had politely and firmly ended their ‘compadre’ time, and Nia…
“I don’t know what to say, Kara. Lena’s ghosted everyone pret-ty hard.”
Kara tried not to think about Lena as she settled into life in Smallville. Tried to put her out of her mind as she tended to the farm, because when she did think of her, Kara’s heart hurt in a way that she wasn’t sure she’d ever recover from. Because, while the first 48 hours after Lena confronted her was filled with thoughts about the wounded look in Lena’s eye after she called her out as Supergirl, the rest of the time was spent dwelling on the look of love Lena had given her as she’d named their feelings.
Their feelings.
Her feelings.
She was in love with Lena, and the fact that she hadn’t realized how deep, how studpidly romantic those feelings for Lena were until she was cut out of Lena’s life felt so cosmically unfair as to make her question her belief in the inherent goodness of the universe. How could she be good, preach hope, be hope to so many people and hurt someone she loved so deeply?
Kara flew home to National City twice a week to have dinner with Alex. They saw each other more often than that—she was still Supergirl and the DEO was still busy, after all—but this time was for them to connect as sisters, for Kara to hear about how things were going with Kelly, and learn how Alex was preparing for the child she was about to adopt. To tell Alex that she really was fine, though she knew Alex could see otherwise, as Kara gently shifted their conversation into how well she was doing as a temporary farmer.
It was in the fourth week after her falling out with Lena that they ran into each other. Kara was waiting by the maitre’d’s stand at a fancy restaurant that Alex had wanted to try in advance of bringing Kelly on a date. Alex had run to the bathroom as they waited to be seated, and Kara was killing time playing a game on her phone when the elevator doors opened and Lena stepped out, dressed to kill and on the arm of a very handsome man. Kara’s breath caught and Lena’s smile froze when her eyes inadvertantly connected with Kara’s. Lena’s… date?… leaned over and whispered something, white noise in Kara’s ear, as she continued to stare, and Lena faltered slightly before she fell back into the Lena the world knew. Confident and beautiful, and laughing on cue. It broke Kara’s heart. “Ready?” Alex said breathlessly as she stopped by Kara’s side, looking with confusion from Kara’s face to whatever was causing Kara to look so upset. “Lena,” Alex said with surprise and the sound seemed to restart time for Kara.
“Alex,” Lena acknowledged, her voice cool and impersonal, and it was that one word, followed by nothing else, that caused Kara to stand.
“I have to…” Kara brushed by the man on Lena’s arm and pressed the button to the elevator. She swallowed hard, her eyes burning with unshed tears, her face bright red. She pressed the button again, looking up as the numbers slowly—why were they so slow—illuminated in her direction. She reached forward to tap the button again, Alex’s hand intercepting hers and lacing their fingers together.
“It’s OK,” Alex murmured, and Kara nodded, taking strength from Alex’s steadiness. The elevator doors opened, mercifully, and they ducked inside. Alex pressed the button for the lobby and Kara took a deep breath before looking up, before she saw Lena being lead away by her… date?… and the maitre’d before the doors closed.
Kara slumped against the elevator wall and Alex put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you OK?” Kara nodded. “What did she say to you?”
“Nothing,” Kara said, standing and wiping her hands on her pants. “She uh, she didn’t say anything.”
“OK,” Alex said, obviously reassured that she wasn’t going to have go right back up and punch the woman her sister was clearly in love with in the face. “I’m sorry. Obviously I never would have booked a reservation here if I thought there was any chance–”
“It’s fine, Alex, it’s…” Kara trailed off. The elevator doors opened and they exited into the lobby.
“So… Noonan’s?” Alex offered and Kara pulled a face, pulling up short before they reached the double doors to the street.
“I think I just want to go home,” Kara said apologetically.
“OK,” Alex said, rolling with things. “We can get take out, watch a movie–”
“No, I mean, I meant, Smallville.”
“Kara,” Alex said as her head cocked, her voice both a warning and a reproach that made Kara’s head duck in response.
“I know,” Kara said, nodding her head. “I just. I don’t want to be here.”
“You’re going to run into each other,” Alex said gently, following Kara’s eyes when she looked away. “National City is a big city, but…”
“I know,” Kara said, looking back to Alex. “I know! And I’m not saying forever, I just. Right now?” She bit her lip before puffing out air, unable to articulate.
Alex nodded. “After things ended with Maggie…” Kara felt her stomach tighten. “You were there for me.”
“This is different.”
Alex’s brow quirked. “It’s OK to admit that you love her.” Kara’s features screwed up and she put her hands over her face. She felt Alex’s arms wrap around her, heard Alex shush her as she ran a hand over her hair. “I can take time off of work, go with you to Smallville like we did after–”
“No,” Kara said, her voice muffled in Alex’s shoulder. She gently extracted herself from Alex’s arms and smiled, forcing a lighteness to her watery eyes that she didn’t feel. She was embarrased that Alex was comparing her almost marriage to Maggie to… “I’m fine, Alex. Really.” She put her hands on Alex’s upper arms and squeezed briefly, smiling wider to try and sell her words. “You don’t need to worry.”
Alex was clearly still worried, but she let it go. “At least walk with me to the hot dog stand down the street before you go. I haven’t gone grocery shopping in like a week and I am not eating cereal for dinner again.”
“Deal,” Kara said, and they exited the building into the warm summer city night arm-in-arm.
**************************
It was almost evening and Kara was finishing up a few chores outside two days later when she heard it. Coming down the Kent’s long, private dirt drive was a sleek and powerful car; definitely nothing she had heard in Smallville before. She straightened up, her hearing stretchng. She tapped the comm link in her ear. “Alex, are you driving down the Kent's drive?”
“No, I'm at HQ in National City. Why?”
Kara pressed her lips into a concerned line and took to the sky. She spotted the black sports car quickly. “There’s a car coming down the Kent’s drive; it’s coated in lead, I can't see who is driving it."
“Kara,” Alex said, her voice taut with tension.
“I’m OK,” Kara reassured. She quickly flew behind a small grove of hickory trees, and watched as the car pulled to a stop near the house. The engine cut out and the car was silent for a moment. The driver side door opened and Kara's jaw dropped. "Lena?"
“What about Lena?” Alex asked.
“She's here,” Kara said, distracted as Lena strode to the front of her car and looked around. She was wearing sunglasses, and was dressed in black jeans, high heel boots and a black silk shirt beneath a dark red moto jacket. Kara watched, stunned as Lena removed her sunglasses and headed for the Kent's front door. “Alex I'll call you back.”
“OK.”
Lena was almost to the porch steps when Kara landed heavily behind her. Lena turned and cut Kara with a sharp look.
“How are you here?” Kara asked with surprise as she tucked the comm device into her pocket, and Lena's sharp look turned diamond-edged.
“You think my technology can't find you?”
Hearing the venom in Lena’s voice was like getting slapped in the face. “Well, that's not ominous,” Kara grumbled.
Lena looked away, smiling. “Right, I forgot for a second that you're Supergirl and admitting those sort of things is something someone from my family probably should do around you.”
“Lena,” Kara drew out as she briefly closed her eyes.
“What is this place?” Lena demanded.
“Your technology didn't tell you,” Kara snapped back piquishly, nervous and off-kilter by the aggressive interaction.
Lena raised an eyebrow. “It's Clark Kent's farm.”
“And, he's my cousin and he said I could use it,” Kara expanded defensively.
“Clark Kent is not related to the Danvers.”
“No,” Kara replied cautiously.
“So, he's Superman,” Lena said. Kara worked her jaw and Lena rolled her eyes. “It's not your secret so I won't ask you to confirm or deny.” Lena huffed. “Why are you here?”
“Why not be here?” Kara asked petulantly. “It's not like I have a job I need to go to.”
“So you just leave,” Lena sneered. “The champion of National City, staying in a place so unbelievably tiny and unimaginative in the middle of Kansas they named it Smallville.”
“Good people live here,” Kara defended.
“I have no doubt of that,” Lena replied. “But you're not one of them.” There was a long pause as the words and their possible meaning sat thick between them. “You see me at a restaurant and run to the middle of nowhere.”
“I’ve been here for a while,” Kara bit. “Not that you'd know that.” Lena flexed her jaw and Kara sighed. “You were on a date, did you expect me to stay? Maybe pull up a chair with Alex and make it a foursome?”
“I thought crashing my dates was sort of your thing. ‘What are friends for’, right?”
“You’ve made it very clear that we’re no longer friends,” Kara said tightly. Silence stretched between them again, and after a long moment, Kara couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m sorry.” Lena took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn't tell you who I was. I thought it was because I was protecting you but it was me being selfish.”
“That makes no sense.”
“You were the only person I cared about who treated me like a normal person and, sometimes, with the way my life is, I needed that.” Lena was silent. “Sometimes, when all of your friends talk to you about the bad things going on all the time, sometimes it's nice to have someone I could just have burgers with and talk about trash TV.”
“You're right, that is selfish.”
“Lena–”
“Open the door,” Lena said, nodding to the farmhouse.
“Excuse me?” Kara asked, her eyebrows shooting to her hairline.
“You heard me.”
Kara steamed. “After–” She took in a deep, huffing breath. “You think you can just–” She took in another huffing breath. “You want me to let you in after– You’ve treated me like I meant nothing to you.”
“Likewise.” Lena said cooly. “Now open the door or I’m leaving.”
Kara stared. Lena huffed and started for her car, stopping only when a blur of motion blew past her. She stopped and Kara stood by the farmhouse’s open front door. Lena’s jaw set and she turned and entered the house.
Kara watched Lena as she walked into the old clapboard three story, her eyes apraising everything. “Not as fancy as you're used to.”
Lena scoffed. “I started boarding school when I was 7, you think I also didn't spend all summer at camp?” Her smirk faded. “This reminds me of the camp director’s home.”
“Is that a Luthor perk? Dinner with the camp director when your parents came for Family Day?”
“My parents never came for Family Day.”
Kara’s brow knit. “Then how would you–”
“The other girls in my cabins weren't always…” Lena trailed off. “They might have been daughters of senators and captains of industry, but none were related to America's Man of Tomorrow.” Lena picked at a lace doily on a nearby table. “They made me pay for the privaledge of being the Luthor family's lesser sibling. The camp director invited me to dinner when the other girls became too cruel so I wouldn’t tell Lionel.”
Kara’s brow quirked at Lena’s cynicism. “Maybe she did it because she was kind.”
Lena gave Kara a hard stare. “She tried to blackmail me when I was 14 after I was caught kissing the only girl at the camp who was ever actually kind to me.”
“That’s awful.”
“Life as a Luthor,” Lena shrugged.
Kara slowly exhaled. “You said the girls made you pay… What does that mean?” Kara asked, unsettled.
Lena took in a deep breath. “Do you remember Lex, before Superman?”
Kara shook her head. “They were already frenemies when I arrived, and because he wanted me to have a ‘normal’ life, my cousin kept me out of what came after that. Everything between them, the battle in Metropolis; I watched it on the news like everyone else.”
Lena nodded. “There was an article in Time magazine when I was 13 arguing which was more likely to happen: The Constitution being amended to allow Lex to run for president before his 35th birthday, or an amendment to repeal term limits for when he eventually won.” She smiled wryly. “Back then he was the kind of ambitious that people admired. Before an alien from Krypton drove him mad.”
“Superman didn't drive him mad.”
“No, I suppose he didn’t. He just put a spotlight on what was already there,” Lena said, tapping the table to her left twice.
There was a beat before Kara spoke again. “How did you get here?” Lena stiffened and Kara rushed to elaborate. “Did you drive all the way from National City? Fly?” When Lena didn’t answer Kara frowned. “I’m not–” She shrugged. “I’m just trying to figure out if you’re hungry. Are you hungry?” Lena warily shook her head. “Well, I am,” Kara said. She nodded toward the kitchen and took a tentative step that way. When Lena hesitantly followed, Kara strode confidently toward the fridge and pulled out a container. She popped the top off, picking the pieces of cubed BBQ chicken free with her fingers and popping them in her mouth. Once she chewed a few pieces, she said, “My metabolism is faster than humans; I need to eat more frequently to keep functional.” She said it casually, and the look on Lena’s face told Kara the other woman recognized it as the olive branch it was intended to be.
“I figured,” Lena said, standing awkwardly near the far counter. “Nobody eats as much as you and keeps that figure.” Kara’s reply of protest was muffled, her mouth full, and Lena continued. “Oh please, you never work out and your favorite sport is channel surfing.”
“Fighting bad guys is actually pretty strenuous exercise.”
“Right,” Lena breathed out, the reminder that she was standing across from Supergirl and not just Kara, pinned her hip to the counter.
Kara finished and put the empty dish in the sink, filling it with water to soak before washing her hands. Hands dry, she turned back to Lena. “Would you like anything to drink?”
“I don’t suppose the Boy Scout Clark Kent keeps scotch tucked away on the farm?”
“No, but there’s beer.” Lena raised an eyebrow. “He’s from the Midwest and he’s married to Lois Lane.”
“Right,” Lena said. Kara nodded to the fridge, offering, and Lena shook her head no.
“Do you want to go back into the living room?”
“Here’s fine,” Lena said and Kara shuffled slightly before leaning against the counter across the room from Lena.
When Lena didn’t speak, Kara frowned. “Did you come all the way here to just stare daggers at me?”
“And yell,” Lena said, deadpan. “I’m working my way up to that.”
“I see,” Kara said. “Well, I suppose I deserve it.”
“You do,” Lena said.
Kara smiled sadly. “You know, I told James once that you were almost always right and… I was not wrong.”
“Why me?” Lena finally asked.
“Why you… what?”
“Why did you befriend me?”
Kara’s brow knit. “Because I liked you.”
“Really,” Lena said, her voice dripping with doubt.
“Yes,” Kara said, offended.
“So you, a Super, didn’t befriend me, a Luthor, to keep tabs on me?”
“No,” Kara said strongly. When Lena looked away Kara stood tall. “That may have been why I interviewed you the first time–”
“And the second?”
“I, yes,” Kara admitted, flustered. “But, I started to spend time with you, socially, because I liked you.” Lena silently worked her jaw. “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
“That someone would like me for me?” Lena asked. “You have to ask me that after what happened with Eve?”
“I’m not Eve.”
“I can name the number of people in my life who have liked me for me on one hand, and three of them are dead.”
“Lena…”
“Why did you really spend time with me,” Lena said, her gaze imperious.
“I told you,” Kara said, the quirk in her brow deepning.
“Oh come off it, Kara.”
Kara opened and closed her mouth, trying to figure out how to make Lena believe her. She finally sighed and caught Lena’s eye. “Because I was a nobody.”
Lena’s face twisted and she made a small noise of disregard. “Supergirl, a nobody.”
Kara stood up straighter in reply. “When we met I was a nobody,” Kara insisted. “You said you thought I was a reporter, so I became one. And while Snapper treated me like an intern or, some kid that accidentally wandered into CatCo, you took me seriously. You granted me interviews that no junior reporter should have had, you invited me to your gala… You saw me, when I was nobody.” Lena took in a deep breath. “And the person you saw was me. Not, superhero me or alien me, or struggling journalist or sister or best friend’s cousin or work crush or–” Kara sucked in a deep breath. “Just, me.” A long moment of silence stretched between them. “The only ulterior motive I had in spending time with you, Lena, was to have someone in my life that made me feel like the me I wanted to be.”
Lena considered the words. “The night I brought Ruby ice cream, we were alone in the elevator.” Kara looked to the floor, shame coloring her cheeks. “You let me confide in you about Supergirl.”
“I know,” Kara said, her eyes still downcast.
“Do you have any idea how humiliating that memory is for me? How much of a breech of trust that was?”
“I do,” Kara said.
“And you want to tell me that in that moment, you weren’t manipulating me?”
“I wasn’t.”
“You defended Supergirl as if you were unbiased, no, as if you could be on my side.”
“I was– I am, on your side,” Kara replied, flustered.
“In that moment, you were hoping I’d say something to you that I wouldn’t to Supergirl.”
“I wasn’t.” Lena again scoffed and Kara shook her head, trying to find words to describe her memory. “That conversation woke me up, Lena, to how, to how irrationally I was behaving, how I was hurting you. Before that conversation… You have no idea how scared I was then.”
“Of me.”
Kara pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes before dropping them. “I thought we were past this,” Kara said sadly. “Bygones, remember?”
“Those bygones were before I knew what was really going on,” Lena corrected.
“Lena,” Kara said, looking to the ceiling.
“You’ve never even said the words to me, ‘I’m Supergirl’,” Lena said and Kara looked at her, contrite. “Maybe that’s part of the problem I’m having,” Lena murmured. “I think a part of me doesn’t really believe it, even as I’m standing here looking at you.” Kara was silent, and fought the urge to adjust glasses that weren’t on her face. Lena’s voice was quiet as she spoke. “Lex showed me, he had footage of you doing amazing things, but it sometimes still doesn’t feel real.”
“Do you want me to fly?” Kara asked, her hands coming out from her side. “Bend a piece of metal with my bare hands, melt something with my eyes?”
“No,” Lena said with a soft shake of her head. “I don’t need you to do anything for me.”
Kara sighed and slumped back against the kitchen counter. “I was afraid of you then, when you made the Kryptonite because I was afraid of everything. Sam was Reign, a being from my home world who almost killed me when we fought; I found out that a piece of my home world survived, that my mother survived, but that the people left behind… were dying, and the place that should of felt like home didn’t anymore. Mon-El came back–” Lena looked away and Kara briefly looked to the ceiling. “I was overwhelmed, and, not thinking as clearly as I should have been.” She sighed and waited for Lena to meet her eye. “When I said bygones, I meant it for all of me.”
Lena looked away, her hand gripping the edge of the kitchen counter and squeezing. “What about when you were Supergirl at the prison after Lex–”
“I was there to help you and keep you safe.”
“And when you came to my office asking for me to be a source for your article about him?”
“I–” Kara faltered. “I wanted your input but I didn’t know how to talk to you about what I was uncovering in a way that kept my identities separate.”
“About things that made me appear guilty.”
“I knew you weren’t.”
“Did you?” Lena challenged.
“Yes.”
“Even before I confessed to my role in Lex’s escape?”
“Yes,” Kara said with another nod. “You.” She laughed, despite her frustration. “You do so many things that make me want to bash my head into a wall–”
“No doubt destroying the wall–”
“But like I said earlier, you are almost always right.” Lena’s jaw tensed. “Your actions, they have a purpose, and though I may not agree with how you do things, I do see that you do them because you’re trying to do something good.”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“After you confronted me in your office when I asked you to be a source, I tore myself apart for how badly I had treated you as a friend, how, how my being Supergirl meant that you didn’t have someone in your life—me, Kara—to be there for you when you needed it. That I had made a huge mistake in keeping my identity from you for so long, and that when I did tell you you would probably...” She trailed off, unable to say the words. “And I swore to myself that I would tell you once everything was over with Lex. I wanted to. I planned to, I just… I didn’t want to hurt you when everything you went through with your brother was so fresh.” The words sat between them unanswered. They both sunk into their heads for a while, until Kara huffed out a sigh and looked up, only to find Lena staring at her intently. Kara shook her head. “I wish you would stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like…”
“Like, you’re the most powerful being on this planet?” Lena led and Kara shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t tell me you’re too modest to acknowledge that truth.”
“No,” Kara said with a soft shake of her head. “I know what I am, and what I’m capable of. I just liked it better when you would look at me like you weren’t worried I might break the world in half on a whim.”
Lena hummed. “So you liked it better when you would play dumb around me about quantam entanglement.” Kara pressed her lips together. “Or when you would act like spin class was so strenuous it gave you a cramp.”
“You point those things out as examples of my deceipt, but I remember those moments differently.”
“Oh?”
“I remember you smiling at me. Relaxed. You wouldn’t have been that way if you had known.”
Lena smiled. “Well, we’ll never know if that’s true, now will we?”
“I can’t go back in time and change things.”
“No?” Lena asked. “Maybe if you ran really fast in the opposite direction of the Earth’s axial spin–”
“Why are you here?” Kara interrupted, perplexed. “Is it to make me feel worse? Or to make things better between us?”
“Us,” Lena spit, her eyebrow arching in disbelief.
“Yes, us, Lena.” Kara shook her head. She looked up and met Lena’s eye, and her posture softened. “You could have told me you were in love with me.”
Lena’s face flushed red. “As if it's that easy.”
“You could have just told me–”
“You could have told me.”
“No, I couldnt,” Kara said with a laugh and soft shake of her head.
“So I should have, but you couldn’t?”
“Yes.”
“And why is that?” Lena challenged with a biting tone.
“Because I didnt know that I was in love you until you told me I was.” Lena’s face twisted in confusion and Kara sputtered as she spoke, her cheeks fire engine red. “I am, not always in touch with my emotions, and I didn't know until you told me that I– And now it's all I can think about.” She huffed, out of breath, and Lena’s look turned more critical. “I was happy for you and James when you were together, two people who I cared about made each other happy and now I look back at it and I'm jealous and it freaks me out, because I don't want to feel jealous of James, I don't want to think about you two together when I spend time with him, I don’t…” She shook her shoulders. “I don’t know how to handle it.” She looked at Lena with desperate openness. “Why didn’t you tell me you had feelings for me?” she asked again and Lena exhaled, her hand rubbing her forehead.
“It was never the right time,” Lena finally said as her hand dropped, and when Kara met Lena’s eye, she shrugged. “You were with Mike, then it was Mon-El, then,” Lena stumbled over the words. “You were heart broken because of what I did with the lead dispersal–”
“Lena–”
“And then Mon-El was back, and you didn’t tell me, your best friend—I found out at that gala, God, what I said to you that night about him being back…” Kara ducked her head in shame. “Life was hard, and James was kind and…” Lena trailed off.
“And I was oblivious,” Kara said. Kara scratched at the kitchen counter with her thumb. “Do you still love me?”
“No.” Kara looked up and Lena was staring at her evenly. “I can’t imagine loving someone I don’t trust.”
“You can't trust me again?”
“Never.”
Kara smiled wryly. “Right.”
“You doubt me?”
“Yes.”
“Then you don’t know me.”
“No, I doubt you because I do know you,” Kara said. “That day you brought Ruby ice cream you said you'd never trust Supergirl again–”
“It's not the same.”
“You said that and then you made the kryptosuit, you made the shield to protect me from Metallo–”
“It’s not the same.”
“I think your heart is far more forgiving than you give yourself credit for.”
“Not this time.”
“Why?” Kara demanded. “Why is this different?”
“Because it was Lex. Your lies and deception allowed Lex to hurt me in the deepest way possible.”
“But isn't that also a reason why you should forgive?” Lena swallowed hard. “Lena, you don't want to carry this around inside of you for the rest of your life. You’re too good to have this hurt inside of you.”
“Maybe you're right…” For a brief second, Kara felt hope. “But I'll never forget, and I'll never allow you to get close enough to hurt me like that again.”
Kara’s face twisted and she looked to the floor. Her head started to shake, absently, side to side. “I have done so much good and you’re just…”
Lena’s brow furrowed. “All I’ve done is create boundaries to protect myself from someone who hurt me.”
Kara looked up. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Your intentions don’t matter if the end result is that I’m hurt.”
Kara opened her mouth to argue and then exhaled. When she spoke, her voice was low. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here to negotiate.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m not leaving National City,” Lena said. “And I assume you being in Smallville isn’t permanent.”
“It isn’t,” Kara said quietly.
“So I want to negotiate how we’ll coexist in a city where we’re prominent citizens whose paths will undoubtably cross.”
Kara laughed without mirth. “Great, we can make a shared Google calendar.”
“Be serious.”
“No,” Kara said, anger rising in her cheeks. “You came here in a lead-lined car–”
“I came in a lead-lined car so you wouldn't see me and bolt before I even got two words out.”
“You're the one who told me to leave your office after firing me from the job I love and then pretended I didn't exist at the restaurant.”
“I don't remember you saying hello.”
Kara scoffed. “Wow, the Luthor just creeps out, huh.”
“How dare you–”
“How dare you!” Kara said, her body coming off where she had been leaning against the counter. “You tell me that you’re in love with me and then just, banish me, give me the cold shoulder and then you show up here to make me rehash everything for what? Not to rebuild our trust, but for what?” Lena was silent. “You don't even know why you're here.”
“I told you–”
“Yeah, I heard,” Kara said dismissively. “But it’s not the truth. And I think until you decide what you really want from me, you need to leave.”
“No,” Lena said coolly.
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“I’m not leaving until you agree to work out how we’re going to co-exist in National City.”
“No.”
Lena smirked. “I’m offering you a face-saving gesture.”
“Well maybe I don’t want that. Maybe I don’t want to pretend when it comes to you.”
Lena arched an eyebrow at Kara’s choice of words. “Why not? You’re so good at it.”
Kara took a deep breath. “If you don’t leave, I will.” Lena just stared at Kara, challenging her, and Kara shook her head. “Suit yourself.” She turned heel, walked out the front door and flew away.