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Bee would blame it on his neocortex he was sure, but Andrew had never believed in all of that psychobabble. She could press a warm mug of hot chocolate in his hands and he would relax back into the couch, breathe in the smell of lemon and eucalyptus that he had grown accustomed to and listen to her ramble on about neurological patterns, not taking in a word of it. When she was finished, she would chuckle softly, and ask if Andrew had been listening. He would say no, and she would laugh louder that time before explaining it again.
Bee wasn’t there, though. She was in South Carolina, in Palmetto with Wymack and Abby and- well, that was Andrew’s problem wasn’t it? No one was there to explain what was wrong with Andrew, but he didn’t need anyone to. He knew what was wrong, he just didn’t know what to do with that knowledge.
He missed Neil. It was that simple, really.
New York hadn’t been the quickest decision. It almost hadn’t been a decision at all- Andrew’s steel nerves had finally caved in at the sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, and he’d almost not accepted any offers at all until Neil and Wymack had talked sense into him. Bee had been sympathetic, not that Andrew had ever expected her not to be. She had told him that it was natural to be hesitant to leave something you had grown used to. Andrew had almost laughed at her, but he stopped himself. He supposed that somewhere along the way, Palmetto had become home to him. New York definitely wasn’t home to him. It was cold, and it made Andrew feel more alone than he had ever felt before. His little group had scattered, for the most part- Aaron to California, Kevin to Texas, Nicky long since settled in back in Stuttgart with Erik. Andrew had the German time programmed into the clock on his phone- he needed to make sure that his short, throwaway texts arrived at a time that Nicky could text back and calm Andrew’s protective streak. It was true what they said, about old habits.
The worst thing about living alone though, as far as Andrew was concerned, were the lapses in memory. Andrew’s memory had always been a steel box keeping everything safe and ordered inside, but since he had moved it had started to slip a little. Not much, but it happened- Whenever Andrew arrived home from a particularly hard day, shutting the door with a click and dropping his keys on the table beside it and listening hard for the telltale signs of Neil moving around inside. Then he remembered that Neil wasn’t there. Neil was never there, too busy with school and Exy and a million other things to make the trip to New York and back. Not that Andrew would expect him to.
A quiet mrow caught his attention, and he stooped just in time to scoop up the bundle of fur that was Neil’s birthday present to him- it had been a couple of weeks ago now, Neil instructing him to go to the nearby shelter to pick up a gift from him. The gift had turned out to be a ball of white and grey/brown fluff with two pale yellow eyes staring out at him, that liked to chew and claw at his sleeves and curl up on his lap to purr like a motherfucker whenever Andrew was watching Netflix on his laptop. Andrew hadn’t wanted to admit it at first, too used to keeping his feelings to himself, but the cat helped with the… almost crushing loneliness that Andrew hadn’t been prepared for when he moved away.
“Hey, King.” Andrew scratched behind her ear and let her lick the pad of his finger, chuckling. “What belongings did you destroy today?”
She mrow ed again, and he dutifully put her down, pausing as he followed her to pull out his phone. The screen lit up, revealing a message from Aaron.
Happy Thanksgiving, Andrew. - Aaron and Katelyn.
Andrew stared at it for a moment. It was unbelievable, really, the progress that they had made in the years since Neil had forced them into therapy together. He tapped out a reply and hit send, refusing to think about it too much.
You too.
King yelled from the other room, and Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’ll be right there, calm down.”
He kicked his shoes off, leaving his jacket on the hook there before walking into the sitting room where King was struggling to climb up onto the couch. Neil had always insisted on them taking their shoes off when they got back to the tower- he stress cleaned, and the dirt from their shoes tracking all over the floor drove him crazy. Andrew had kept the habit even when Neil wasn’t there since it made him feel more at home. He lifted her butt up onto the couch and let her curl up there, snorting as he went to turn the kettle on. Neil had gotten him into the habit of making tea back in the tower, and it helped more than Andrew was willing to admit to anyone. While the water boiled, he fished his matte black mug out of the dishwasher- Aaron had gotten it for him for their last birthday, saying that Andrew would need something to match his ‘aesthetic’ in his new apartment. Andrew used it often, making sure that it was out on the counter whenever he took pictures of King to send to his brother, but not out enough to make it look like it was on purpose. If Neil had been there, he would have laughed at him and told him to just text Aaron and ask him how the week was going. Neil had always been better at things like that. He balanced Andrew out, oddly enough.
He dropped a teabag into the mug, filling it three-quarters of the way before adding two heaped teaspoons of sugar.
Would you like tea with that sugar? Neil’s teasing tone sounded in his head, and Andrew rolled his eyes. Neil drank his tea with no sugar at all- Andrew still wasn’t sure if he was human .
Once the teabag was disposed of and milk had been added, Andrew carried the mug out to the little balcony that was attached to his apartment. It wasn’t the roof, but Andrew didn’t have access to the real roof so it was close enough. He tugged out his battered old box of cigarettes, putting his phone on the table there next to it before sitting down. The sound of cars drifted up and created a nice white noise for him to relax in. It was nice to have the quiet of living alone, Andrew supposed, but that was never the noise that he was looking forward to when he got home.
He unlocked his phone, taking a sip of tea before hitting the recent calls app.
Neil answered within three seconds like he always did. “Andrew, hey.”
Andrew exhaled a breath he hadn’t realised had been caught in his chest. It felt like the first time he’d breathed all day. “Neil.”
Neil laughed softly into the receiver. “I was just about to call you, I haven’t had time all day.”
“I was busy anyways. How are the brats?”
Neil moved before groaning- muffled like his face had been pressed in the pillow. “Don’t ask.”
“That bad?”
“One of the freshmen snuck out through the window, Drew. The fucking window.”
Andrew raised an eyebrow. “You know, I can’t help but recall you sneaking out through the window in your first year, Josten. Or is your memory too short?”
“... Shut up.” Neil huffed, and Andrew heard him turn over. “I don’t know how to be a captain if they don’t listen to me.”
“You got me to listen to you.” Andrew noted, prompting a snort from Neil.
“That’s because you liked me.”
“Slander.”
“I love you.” Neil’s smile was clearly audible in his voice, and Andrew felt the last of the tension drain out of his body.
“I love you too, Josten. How’s your algebra prof?”
That sent Neil into an almost fifteen-minute rant about the man, and Andrew drummed on the table with his fingertips gently while he listened. He knew that Neil hated the class, and he knew that the man would need to blow off some steam about it. It was a win-win for Andrew since he got to help Neil calm down and got to listen to him talk for a while. Neil talked himself out, eventually winding down to groan.
“I hate that fucking class, Andrew.”
“It’s almost over, you’ll do fine. You don’t have to ace it, just pass it right?”
“Right.” Neil huffed. “I can’t wait until I’m out there with you, Drew.”
Andrew swallowed roughly. “Yeah, me too.”
“Oh?” Neil’s grin was shit-eating, Andrew could tell.
He just rolled his eyes. “You know I miss you, Neil. The apartment is too big.”
That sobered him, and he heard Neil sit up. “Andrew, I’m really sorry that I-”
“It’s fine, Neil.” Andrew picked at his nailbeds. Neil had been tied up with night practices and study sessions and he hadn’t been able to get a flight out for the long weekend, but honestly , it was fine. Andrew wasn’t a baby, he could live on his own.
Neil didn’t seem convinced. “We can video call tomorrow?”
Andrew nodded, before realising that Neil couldn't see him. “Yeah, that’d be good.”
Neil huffed a small laugh. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Andrew glanced at the time. “You’re gonna be late for practice, Josten.”
“And?”
“You’re the captain.” Andrew rolled his eyes, listening to Neil scramble to grab his gear. “Good luck with the brats, I’m going to shower.”
Neil raised his voice, the noise moving like he was getting dressed. “Okay, I love you!”
“You too.” Andrew hung up the phone, draining the dregs of the tea from his mug before turning to go inside, abandoning the idea of smoking altogether for the night. He had been cutting down a lot anyway, and without Neil to sneak up onto the roof and smoke together, it had kind of lost the appeal for him anyways. He carried his stuff inside, locking the balcony door and putting his mug in the dishwasher. “King, dinner time.”
King padded past him, watching patiently as he emptied some of his fancy deluxe kitten food into her bowl before starting to eat. Andrew watched her for a moment before leaving her to her own devices- he considered taking a nap, since if he actually got some sleep he could catch Neil after night practice and they could call again.
He showered quickly, not dawdling as he got dressed for bed and brushed his teeth and dodging King as he went to sit on the bed before helping her up onto it with him. It was pointless to stop her at this point- she loved to curl up against Andrew’s chest and go to sleep and if Andrew was being honest with himself, it helped him to sleep too. As he settled into the bed, he grabbed his phone and sent off a text to Neil, telling him that he was about to head to bed- he didn’t wait for a reply, since Neil would be too busy with night practice to text back. They’d just talk when he woke up again.
He took a moment to stare at the text conversation, before putting his phone down with a soft clatter on the wood and closing his eyes, letting King’s content purring lull him to sleep.
*
Andrew woke up with the duvet wrapped around him and a dull knocking coming from the other room.
“What..?” He pushed himself up, feeling King wake up and run out of the room. He grabbed his jeans, pulling them on and running a hand through his hair to try and get it to lie down flat as he made his way out to the sitting room. People didn’t usually visit him- it wasn’t as if he had friends in New York, or friends in general, but maybe it was one of his neighbours that needed something.
He opened the door, expecting to see Mrs. Garcia, the old woman at the end of the hall who had seemed to make it her own personal mission to make sure Andrew was eating properly, since he was such a ‘nice young man’. Neil loved her. Andrew had to admit that he was pretty fond of her too. Speaking of Neil, though-
“Hey.” Neil grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Can I come in?”
Andrew paused for a moment and then grabbed his boyfriend’s bags. “You fucking asshole.”
Neil laughed and walked forward, backing Andrew back until he could push the door closed behind them and press their lips together firmly. “Robin drove me to the airport, we were just about to leave when you called me.”
“So I have to kill both of you?” Andrew didn’t even have the energy to pretend to be annoyed, though, and he pulled Neil in for another kiss. “How long had you been planning this?”
“You sounded lonely.” Neil said it like it was the simplest thing in the world, and maybe it was. Andrew knew that, aversion to flying or not, he’d have been on the next plane back to South Carolina that he could find.
“I hate you so much.” Andrew huffed and turned, carrying Neil’s bag to the bedroom and leaving King to smother Neil with affection. She had always preferred Neil, the little shit, but it wasn’t as if Andrew could blame her. Neil followed him, King snuggled comfortable in his arms and well on her way to falling asleep again.
“Robin is taking over my duties while I’m here, Wymack agreed that I was due a week off.” Neil smiled and put King down on the bed, ignoring her noise of protest in favour of wrapping his arms around Andrew’s shoulders. “We should get dinner.”
Andrew stuck his hand in Neil’s back pocket, huffing a laugh into his shoulder. “Takeout?”
Neil wrinkled his nose. “I’ve been eating takeout all week, can we go out?”
“Not if you’ll be dressing like the entire cast of Wayne’s World.” Andrew raised an eyebrow, ducking his head so Neil couldn’t smack him.
“Clothes jokes? I thought we were over that.” Neil snorted and shook his head. “I brought nice clothes, asshole. Plus I have some stuff here, I think?”
Andrew nodded. “That new Italian place then?”
Neil’s eyes lit up. “Carbonara?”
“Yes, you fucking loser.” Andrew snorted. “Go shower, I’ll get ready and unpack your shit.”
“I love you.” Neil caught Andrew’s hand, pressing his lips to the man’s knuckles. “Sorry for dropping in like this, by the way.”
“This is your apartment too, you know that.” Andrew pushed him away gently, in the direction of the shower. “You have a key for a reason, Neil.”
Neil went pink at that, and scrubbed at his cheek with his fingers. “Yeah, Drew. I know.”