#StarkProblems

by orphan_account

Summary:

It’s not that the Stark children are magnets for trouble, exactly. It just kind of… orbits them.

Notes:

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Chapter 1: Coming to You Live

wolf queen
@aryastarks
if i have to stay at this boring party any longer im gonna kick someones ass 8:38PM - 24 February 2020 0 42

wolfpack 🐺🐺🐺

branther 💻
So I take it the party's going great, then?
YOU
branther 💻
Perhaps not.
TRAITOR
branther 💻
That seems exaggerative.
you
ABANDONED me
to this tomfuckery
so you could go play LEAGUE
with JOJEN REED
when you KNEW i needed you. you KNOW i cant handle these kinds of things alone.
branther 💻
I know no such thing. You're perfectly fine.
Listening to Robert Baratheon brag about how cool he and Dad used to be will hardly kill you.
And it's Jojen's birthday. It's my obligation as his friend to come to his party.
And for the record, the choice of game was his, not mine.
"oh uh i dont uh play uh league i just uh let jojen pick the game" SURE
it doesnt matter anyway
im your sister. im your mothers blood. and you have abandoned me in my time of need
branther 💻
Speaking of our mother's blood and its many distributions, why am I the only one catching flak for this? Sansa ditched you, too.
sañorita 🌹
Oh, thanks. Classy, Bran.
branther 💻
Sorry. Desperate times.
HE'S RIGHT
sañorita 🌹
I actually do happen to have a legitimate excuse.
NONE EXIST
sañorita 🌹
I have a term paper, remember? I can't come.
Which is a shame, since I genuinely enjoy these sorts of things
They're fun
the jury begrudgingly accepts your plea
on the grounds that the defendant is clearly insane
because WHO could possibly enjoy this
sañorita 🌹
It's better if you talk to people.
thats the worst part
the only people here are boring or creepy
cant believe this is what old ppl want to do with their birthdays
young dumb and broke 👑
what's this about?
I just opened my phone to about fifty new notifications.
branther 💻
Ah, I forgot. You don't have Twitter.
young dumb and broke 👑
...no?
ROBB COME HELP ME
branther 💻
TLDR: Arya's been made to go to Robert Baratheon's birthday party. None of us could come.
im in HELL
young dumb and broke 👑
ah.
i see.
the youngest guy here besides me is uncle petyr
that should tell you something
young dumb and broke 👑
brave heart, my friend.
has he started talking about mom's virginity yet?
when does he not.

---

wolf queen
@aryastarks
days since last creepy uncle incident: 0 8:57 PM - 24 February 2020 3 26

wolf queen
@aryastarks
what is it about aunts that gives them, like, an absolute NEED to neg you 9:13 PM - 24 February 2020 26 55

wolf queen
@aryastarks
now shes telling me how robins in advanced music for his age 9:15 PM - 24 February 2020 3 17

wolf queen
@aryastarks
2 of my brothers are at harvard law but sure, lets talk about robin and his incredible fucking flute 9:16 PM - 24 February 2020 3 29

wolf queen
@aryastarks
my sister is first chair in her college symphony but sure, lets talk about robin’s thrilling B+ in orchestra 9:18 PM - 24 February 2020 5 12

wolf queen
@aryastarks
if i sound mean then consider 1. ive been here for three hours and 2. i dont care 9:22 PM - 24 February 2020 37 62

wolf queen
@aryastarks
google how to explain to a boomer that i dont care about her sad attempts to flex 9:28 PM - 24 February 2020 66 108

wolf queen
@aryastarks
he isnt even that good at the flute 9:33 PM - 24 February 2020 1 7

wolf queen
@aryastarks
oh cool we’re back to my grades again 9:37 PM - 24 February 2020 0 18

wolf queen
@aryastarks
how am i still somehow the family disappointment. has anyone LOOKED at robin lately 9:40 PM - 24 February 2020 2 37

wolf queen
@aryastarks
i am ready to snap on this woman i swear 9:45 PM - 24 February 2020 3 25

wolf queen
@aryastarks
yeah sorry i got a b in precalc aunt lysa, anyway is your middle schooler off the teat yet 9:47 PM - 24 February 2020 22 38

wolf queen
@aryastarks
update: several recent tweets have been deleted due to my mother paying unexpected attention to what i was typing #censorship 10:05 PM - 24 February 2020 0 18

wolfpack 🐺🐺🐺

ricky dicky 👼
lol did she really catch you
f
shut up
sañorita 🌹
Poor Aunt Lysa. She must be so miserable
Stuck all the way out in that huge house by herself, and on top of that, she’s dating Uncle Petyr :(
poor AUNT LYSA
ricky dicky 👼
oh boy
poor AUNT LYSA??
branther 💻
Sansa, I believe the expression is “read the room.”
sañorita 🌹
:/
YES POOR AUNT LYSA
SO HORRIBLE, SO SAD
WHERE *IS* THAT TINY VIOLIN
sañorita 🌹
I don’t have any great love for the woman, I just think it’s unfortunate!
you’re unfortunate
I’M unfortunate
god even mom looks bored
shes being nice about it but you can tell shes getting lowkey annoyed with lysa too
dad is trapped in a conversation with robert and cersei about joffreys new car
young dumb and broke 👑
? i thought he wrecked his?
he did
apparently he’s getting a new one
young dumb and broke 👑
:/
sañorita 🌹
:/
ricky dicky 👼
:/
:/ indeed
at least he's not here
ricky dicky 👼
yeah lmao
maybe he heard you were coming and went into witness protection
LMAO
we can dream, boys

---

wolf queen
@aryastarks
coming to you live from hell: we have now entered hour 4 of this damn party 10:17 PM - 24 February 2020 10 32

wolf queen
@aryastarks
i am going to die here. i really am 10:19 PM - 24 February 2020 7 37

wolf queen
@aryastarks
tell my mother i love her. tell my aunt i dont 10:20 PM - 24 February 2020 14 52

wolf queen
@aryastarks
and now some old dude is trying to talk to me. awesome. 10:24 PM - 24 February 2020 6 34

wolf queen
@aryastarks
who ever dressed this man should be tried for gross abuse of a corpse 10:27 PM - 24 February 2020 25 74

wolf queen
@aryastarks
oh god please don’t try to guess how old i am 10:28 PM - 24 February 2020 3 29

wolf queen
@aryastarks
TWELVE? 10:30 PM - 24 February 2020 0 19

wolf queen
@aryastarks
okay he was joking. i think. 10:34 PM - 24 February 2020 0 8

wolf queen
@aryastarks
who brings their family doctor to their birthday party anyway 10:37 PM - 24 February 2020 0 19

wolfpack 🐺🐺🐺

wait
some new guy just came in
whos this joker
he looks interesting
also cersei looks so angry shes about to puke
which means i like him already
sañorita 🌹
Is he familiar? It seems odd that a stranger would show up at Robert's party.
no i dont know him
which to be fair means jack because i dont know any of dads friends
this dude is HUGE
kind of looks like renly, but beefy
bran. can you do your thingy
branther 💻
Do you have a picture?
gimme a sec
boy.jpg
branther 💻
One moment.
His name is Gendry Waters. Robert is his father. He’s a mechanic and metalworker from KL, born in Flea Bottom, raised in foster care. He has a Facebook page and a private Twitter, both infrequently used. No Instagram or Snapchat. He moved here five months ago, he rides AMVs as a hobby, and his dog is a Great Dane.
sañorita 🌹
Good LORD
thanks
young dumb and broke 👑
has anyone told you you're terrifying lately?
branther 💻
No, but thank you.
whys he look so grumpy
also whys he here
i thought cersei didnt let roberts other kids hang around
branther 💻
Flattered as I am by the assumption, I’m not quite telepathic.
If you want to know his reasons for being there, you should probably just ask him.
see if mom would let go of my elbow for 4 seconds i could maybe do that

---

wolf queen
@aryastarks
oh man mrs baratheon does NOT like the look of this kid 10:40 PM - 24 February 2020 0 8

wolf queen
@aryastarks
shes talking to mr baratheon about it. neither of them are happy 10:43 PM - 24 February 2020 0 4

wolf queen
@aryastarks
“you PROMISED” oh she is going into FULL “can i speak to the manager” mode 10:44 PM - 24 February 2020 6 28

wolf queen
@aryastarks
appeal unsuccessful, shes now talking to mr lannister (jr, not sr) 10:47 PM - 24 February 2020 0 17

wolf queen
@aryastarks
hes nodding. he doesnt look pleased about it but — ohhhh hes going over 10:48 PM - 24 February 2020 0 14

wolf queen
@aryastarks
“im just here to see about the car” oh he’s not even here as a guest 10:51 PM - 24 February 2020 0 19

wolf queen
@aryastarks
poor guy doesnt even realize whats going on 10:55 PM - 24 February 2020 0 21

wolf queen
@aryastarks
mr lannister is really getting up in his space. maybe back it up like 7 or 8 steps there buddy 10:57 PM - 24 February 2020 0 12

wolf queen
@aryastarks
ALERT BOY HAS JUST SHOVED MR LANNISTER 10:58 PM - 24 February 2020 97 125

wolf queen
@aryastarks
MR LANNISTER RETALIATES WITH A LEFT HOOK 10:58 PM - 24 February 2020 167 219

wolf queen
@aryastarks
now playing: grown ass man punches random boy, loses dignity, more at 11 11:00 PM - 24 February 2020 48 92

wolf queen
@aryastarks
boy is getting up…dads coming over, he looks pissed, hard to say which side he’ll take 11:01 PM - 24 February 2020 44 57

wolf queen
@aryastarks
YES dad is talking to mr lannister 11:03 PM - 24 February 2020 41 79

wolf queen
@aryastarks
psa: you do NOT want to be in front of my dad when he looks like this 11:05 PM - 24 February 2020 74 95

wolf queen
@aryastarks
for personal safety reasons 11:06 PM - 24 February 2020 63 72

wolf queen
@aryastarks
he’s got his “im about to make a grown man cry” face on 11:08 PM - 24 February 2020 104 155

wolf queen
@aryastarks
mr lannister is backing off. god i love my fucking dad 11:09 PM - 24 February 2020 99 148

wolf queen
@aryastarks
boy is now being escorted from the premises :( 11:11 PM - 24 February 2020 78 169

wolf queen
@aryastarks
missed connections: i was bored at a party and you started a fight with mrs baratheons brother, i think we’re soulmates 11:15 PM - 24 February 2020 186 267

wolf queen
@aryastarks
jk jk. you all know my one and only love is still nymeria 11:16 PM - 24 February 2020 150 204

wolf queen
@aryastarks
that said it is sad i didnt get to talk to him. how am i going to thank him now 11:19 PM - 24 February 2020 144 210

wolf queen
@aryastarks
@threeravens pls assist 11:20 PM - 24 February 2020 123 146

Bran Stark
@threeravens
@aryastarks Busy. 11:21 PM - 24 February 2020 150 189

wolfpack 🐺🐺🐺

what do you mean, “busy”??
is someone raiding your league server?
bran answer me
bran
braaaaaaaaaaaaan
braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (1/2)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan (2/2)
jon ⛄️
arya could you perhaps use a dm for this
1. no
2. and just where have YOU been
jon ⛄️
i had notifications off
what do you need bran for
to get a guys number for me
jon ⛄️
...
???
not like THAT, gross
jon ⛄️
okay
anyway
go look at my twitter i dont have time for this
if any of you are in touch with bran tell him that when i die i want him to lower me into my grave
he knows the rest

---

wolf queen
@aryastarks
last chance shoutout to the kid from robert baratheon's bday party, you made my night. hmu if you want to hang 11:54 PM - 24 February 2020 257 379

Gendry
@bullhorns
why is everyone yelling in my mentions all of a sudden 7:12 AM - 25 February 2020 7 23

Gendry
@bullhorns
oh 7:15 AM - 25 February 2020 136 294