Chapter Text
The castle was quiet. It was late, but Lance made his way to the bridge all the same, sure that’s where he would find his Alpha.
“Keith?”
“What is it, Lance?”
“It’s getting late.”
“. . .”
“You missed dinner again.”
“. . .”
Lance cautiously padded over.
“Come to bed?”
Keith sighed and turned his gaze away from the infinite vastness of space to face his mate. “In a minute.”
Lance fought the way his face crumbled and quickly turned away. He would pretend that he believed him.
“Lance,” Keith called out and caught his hand before he could go too far. Their eyes met and Lance saw the slight hesitation that always sparked up when Keith was trying. “I love you.”
Lance’s eyes widened and a small, genuine smile peeked out. “I love you, too,” he leaned in and whispered.
They stood close to each other in silence for a few minutes. Lance breathed in his Alpha’s scent and revelled in it. Keith wrapped him safely in his arms and held him close.
“You know I’m here for you, right?” Lance asked, his voice muffled in Keith’s shoulder.
“I know,” Keith nosed his hair.
“You’re not alone.”
“I know.”
“. . . We’ll find him.”
Keith paused as a sharp pang echoed through his chest and held on just a little tighter. “I know.”
Silence.
Lance pulled away and asked again.
“Come to bed?”
Keith looked away, unable to meet his eyes again and instead looked back out to the universe where, somewhere, Shiro was lost and waiting to be found.
“In a minute.”
With a heavy heart, Lance returned to their room alone.
Oo-oO
His heart only grew heavier as he walked through the echoing hallways. Each step brought another pang to his chest.
Keith had been distant ever since Shiro disappeared. It wasn’t uncommon now a days for him to spend all night up on the bridge, staring out into space or watching the search protocol scan the stars. Lance couldn’t blame him. It was Kerberos all over again and it was killing Lance to watch his mate go through something like that.
It was like he could physically feel Keith’s pain radiating through his chest, like a hollow echo reverberating each moment he’s alone.
He missed Keith. He missed waking up next to him and sitting cuddled up in the lounge poking jabs at each other, giggling quietly so as not to bother the others. Now a days Keith was so wrapped up in finding Shiro that there wasn’t time to spend together. His Omega wasn’t liking it much either, but Lance had gotten pretty good at pushing those urges away.
Like now, Lance tried to shake off the hollow ache in his chest as he entered their shared room. He slapped his face and looked at himself in the mirror.
“Shower!” he told himself. “Shower and maybe a facemask.” He wandered into the bathroom to see what kinds he still had stocked up. He pulled one out that kind of smelled like lavender. “Who needs constant affection from a burly Alpha,” he muttered as he stripped down and started the water. “I can show myself some love.” He smiled to himself, mood sufficiently lifted . . . but that hollow feeling didn’t ebb any.
He stumbled out of the shower and his head spun. He reminded himself not to turn the water on so hot next time. His chest gave an especially hard pang. He slapped a hand to his chest as if that would stop the hollowness as it throbbed.
Not lonely, not lonely, I’m not lonely. . .
Lance locked eyes with himself in the mirror and tried telling himself that he was alright. He would be alright and shut up, Omega. Alpha is busy!
Then—Oh no. His vision started swimming. The hollow began turning to a numbness and soon it became hard to breathe.
What’s happening?
Something definitely wasn’t right. He—he was . . .
The hollow filled his lungs and the numbness took over. It was only then that Lance realized what was happening with a bitter laugh.
Omega Drop.
Oo-oO
As Lance woke up, he couldn’t quite remember crawling into bed. This would most likely be because he didn’t wake up in bed but sprawled out on the bathroom floor.
He woke slowly, his mind still sluggish as he tried to put together what had happened. Why was he on the bathroom floor? What time was it? Why was his chest still hurting?
Then it hit him all at once.
“I Dropped!” The sinking feeling fell right to the bottom of his hollow chest.
That’s not right! That can’t be right! It’s not as if Keith had been neglecting him. . . Well, other than being more distant that usual, but Lance couldn’t blame him for that!
Keith was dealing with his own demons and having Shiro ripped away from him for a second time was bringing back all of his fears and insecurities. Even though all of Lance’s Omega instincts were urging him to comfort his Alpha, to smother him in love, he knew better. What Keith needs most right now isn’t coddling. Right now, Keith needs space to sort out all his thoughts and emotions. He needs to process and figure out what he needs to do . . . whether it’s to keep looking or to take up the mantle of the Black Paladin onto himself like Shiro wanted.
Whatever the case, Lance would be there to support Keith and gently remind him that even though Shiro isn’t here right now, he isn’t alone. He isn’t alone! . . . But Lance was feeling lonely.
To think that it had gotten to the point where Lance had Dropped.
Omega’s are needy creatures. They require constant love and affection, the degree of which depends on the individual, and while Lance is all for more attention and cuddles, he knows when to think of others before himself. Instead of bothering Keith with his troublesome Omega needs, Lance pushed through the hollow feeling every time Keith would brush him off and get absorbed into the task of finding their leader.
He could handle a few days on his own. He could give Keith the space he needs to sort through the thoughts in his head. He was fine with a few fleeting touches, a comforting hand on the shoulder every now and then or interlacing their fingers together under the table as they ate.
He could be strong for Keith.
He could handle a few days.
. . .
He thought he could handle a few days, but it had been more than that. The hollow had built up and—and Lance . . . he’d Dropped.
When an Omega doesn’t get the affection and attention that they need, they can get sick and in extreme cases, they just collapse. After it’s happened once, the symptoms come on quicker and faster until the Omega’s needs are sated.
But it’s okay, because no one noticed. If the others knew, they would worry and right now they didn’t have to the time to worry about annoying Omega affection. He could handle this on his own. He could be strong for Keith.
Besides, he couldn’t have been out for too long.
He stumbled out of the bathroom and managed to keep his feet under him as the floor tilted. He reached out to steady himself against the wall but his whole body was shaking, his head was still fuzzy, and he couldn’t get his eyes to focus properly. His still numb fingers fumbled with his holopad and he squinted his vision into focus to see the time.
“Quiznak.” Okay, maybe he’d been out for longer than originally thought. He glared at the clock that told him it had been hours. It was now well into the night.
No one had noticed thought.
No one had noticed because Keith hadn’t come to bed. No bedtime cuddles. No affectionate goodnight kisses. Only Dropping Omegas in the bathroom.
“Get a hold of yourself,” Lance smacked his face, trying to clear his mind and pushed back the tears that threatened to form. “It’s just a little Drop. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. It won’t happen again.”
Oo-oO
“End training sequence,” Keith called out and turned to where his Omega was watching from the doorway. Lance flinched at the sudden sound of his voice. He hadn’t expected Keith to notice him that quickly, even more that he bothered to stop the simulation to address him.
“What is it, Lance?” Keith’s tone was clipped as he panted from the exertion.
Lance shuffled nervously before schooling his expression into something more playful. “Can’t I watch my Alpha show off every once and a while?” He played it up and sashayed over to him, pushing away the need to run into those strong arms and be held close.
Keith sighed and sheathed his bayard. “What’s the real reason?”
Lance stopped with a good two feet between them. He caught Keith’s scent that was only strengthened by the sheen of sweat that dripped off him. Mixed in that scent was the stress and anger that put his Omega on edge.
“Allura’s calling a meeting,” he finally answered, not meeting Keith’s gaze.
“Tsk,” Keith scoffed and rubbed his face in annoyance. “For what?”
“Does it matter?”
“It does if all she’s gonna do is insist we replace Shiro!” Keith snapped.
Lance recoiled at the outburst and took a step back as his Omega cowered at the angry Alpha. “Come on, Keith, you know she—”
“Stop! Just—stop! We’re not stopping the search! We’re not going to just leave him out there!”
“That’s not what this is about,” Lance’s voice wobbled. “You know we can’t keep flailing around like we have been. We’re not abandoning Shiro. But something needs to change.”
“I don’t need to hear this from you.”
“What’s that supposed to—”
“Just leave me alone, Lance!”
They both froze as Keith’s voice echoed around the training deck. It took a moment for Lance to regain himself. He cast his eyes to the ground and turned to leave. He stopped at the door.
“You—you know I’m always here for you, right?” he whispered.
Keith heard. He didn’t answer.
Lance fled.
Oo-oO
~Time passes~
It happened again.
“Hey man, are you doing alright?” Hunk asked as Lance hopped up on the counter in the kitchen.
“Are you suggesting that I’m anything less than perfect?” Lance ignored the encroaching hollowness in his chest.
“I mean, are you, like, doing okay? You seem a little out of it. Your scent if off.”
“You mean beyond losing our fearless leader and gaining an even moodier Alpha for a mate?” Lance raised an eyebrow at Hunk and just shrugged. “I mean things aren’t great per sey, but they could be worse.” He hoped that would be enough to satisfy his best friend.
“And Keith?”
Lance sighed and traced patterns into Hunk’s arm as he mixes something blue in a bowl, taking what comfort he could from the minimal human contact.
Keith had been pulling away even more. He barely reacted to Lance’s presence anymore, even going as far as to pull away in frustration when he tried to comfort him. Countless sleepless nights would take their toll on anyone and Keith was no exception. On the nights he did end up returning to their room, he would roll over to face the wall as soon as he laid down and remained tense all night.
He just needs some space. Lance tried to reassure himself.
“He’ll come through. Whatever happens, he’ll come through.”
Hunk frowned, unsatisfied but willing to accept Lance’s half answer. “If you’re sure.”
He sent Lance off with a container of blue oatmeal-like goop that tasted like banana pudding to share with Keith. Lance happily hopped off the counter and started moseying around the halls trying to catch Keith’s scent.
Then his thoughts began to wander.
Would Keith even want to share the desert with him? I mean, Keith needs his space, right? But one little bowl of oatmeal-pudding should be okay. Just a little something to cheer him up. Remind him that he’s not alone . . .
Alone.
The hollowness gripped harder. Lance raised a hand to fist his shirt and tried to shake the thoughts away. He was gonna find Keith and then they were going to share a snack and then—
The hollowness grew stronger and his grip tightened. Lance stopped dead in his tracks when it kept spreading. His breath hitched as it grabbed his lungs and his vision wobbled.
It’s happening again.
“No,” he whispered as his legs began to tremble. “—just need—”
Voices up ahead.
It was a struggle to suck in a breath.
Someone’s coming.
The numbness started setting in.
Can’t let them see.
Lance managed to dive into the closest room before his legs fell out from under him. His vision swam. Breath coming in gasps. He couldn’t feel himself breathing. Everything went numb.
He didn’t remember the door closing behind him.
Oo-oO
Lance awoke a trembling mess, buried in a pile of alien cleaning supplies.
Not again!
He choked out a sob and buried his face in his knees. He failed to supress the tears that were threatening to spill over. He whined for his Alpha. He needed him. Why wasn’t he here?
It was another hour before his legs stopped shaking and his vision to clear enough for him to walk properly. He stumbled through the halls before falling into bed and curling up in the blankets that still smelled like Keith.
This time was so much worse than before.
They never got to eat that pudding.
Oo-oO
That night Lance went searching for Keith again. He was still shaky, but he gave in to his Omega. He admitted that he could really use a hug right now.
As always, he found him on the bridge, only this time he wasn’t staring out the view port with a lost look on his face. No, tonight Keith was passed out in the Red Paladin’s chair with battle formations still lighting up the holo-screen in front of him. As Lance came to a stop beside him, Keith shifted in his sleep but didn’t wake. His hand inching toward where he could sense his mate was watching over him.
Lance stopped himself from reaching out to run a hand through his hair, too scared to wake him. He knew Keith hadn’t been sleeping well, too many thoughts swirling around for his mind to calm down.
Right now, Keith’s face was so open, so telling. He had a little frown on his face, his eyebrows slightly furrowed and as Lance moved closer some of that stress smoothed out and his hand straying closer to him.
Lance couldn’t bring himself to wake him. His hands still shook and his centre of balance was still a little off and his Omega was yelling at him to just snuggle up with him . . . but if he woke Keith up, he’d just brush him off and go back to studying battle formations, or filtering through their out of date data-base or simply watching the stars shooting by them as if he might miss seeing Shiro if he looked away for a second.
He wouldn’t even dare caressing his cheek just to feel him.
He faced the facts. He was going to spend the night alone, again.
The door to the bridge slipped close behind him and the cold castle air bit at his newly exposed arms. His jacket now covered his mate, who had snuggled into it and breathed in deeply the moment it touched his skin. With it, the last of the stress seeped out of Keith’s face.
Lance slipped into bed again, trying to find the spot that still held Keith’s scent. Every night it grew harder to find. How long had it been since they last shared a bed? He couldn’t remember.
It was cold.
Oo-oO
~Time passes~
“Shiro’s still out there somewhere and you want to just give up the search and abandon him!”
“There are greater forces at work here! The Galra aren’t going to stop attacking just because we’re down a Paladin! We need to find a solution!”
“You’re not replacing Shiro!”
It wasn’t their first fight over the matter. And if things continued the way they were, it wouldn’t be their last. Keith and Allura were at each other’s throats. The team was falling apart. They could barely hold a civil conversation. How were they supposed to win a war like this?
Lance ran after Keith as he stormed out of the room.
“Keith!” Lance caught his arm to stop him, but Keith ripped it from his grasp and growled at him. Lance recoiled, snatching his hand back to his chest at the aggression. His Omega didn’t know what to do. Was he supposed to comfort his mate or run from the angry Alpha?
“What?! Are you gonna tell me to let it go too?” Keith snapped.
“I—” Lance trembled. Keith didn’t want him here. Alpha was angry. He took a step back and hunched into himself.
“I don’t want to hear it!” Keith stormed off in the direction of the training deck.
“Keith,” Lance’s voice pittered out as he lost sight of his mate, the one he loved . . . the one who was supposed to be loving him.
I’m always here for you.
He Dropped again that night.
Oo-oO
~Time passes~
Lance found Keith curled up by the window on the observation deck. He held the Black Bayard tightly as if he couldn’t quite believe it belonged to him now. The Black Lion had accepted him.
“Lance?” Keith perked up at his mate’s scent. He turned and Lance felt his heart throb at the broken face and teary eyes that looked back pleadingly. The Alpha was then wrapped in his Omega’s arms. Lance chirped and cooed and Keith clutched at his mate as he fought against the tears.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Lance whispered as he ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. You’re not alone. I’m here for you. I’m always here for you.”
They stayed like that for a long while, just taking comfort in each others presence. Lance relished in the contact. Even if he wasn’t the one being comforted, it had been weeks since they wee this close. He could be strong for Keith. He could push the hollow ache in his chest away and fill it with his Alpha. He could be fine without the needy Omega in his soul. He could be strong. He could help hold Keith up, even if he pushes Lance away sometimes. Lance could hold out for moments like this, when Keith needs him most.
“The Black Lion chose me,” Keith’s voice was small and hoarse. “If she chose me then what about Shiro? Is—is he gone?”
“I don’t know,” Lance held him closer and buried his face in his hair. Keith whined and pulled on his shirt. “But I’ll always be here for you. Always. You’ll never be alone.”
Keith sniffed. “I love you.”
So, Lance held Keith until the sobs tapered off, until the tears dried, until his heavy eyes slipped shut and he fell asleep against Lance.
Lance brushed the unruly hair from his forehead to press a kiss. His skin was hot from working himself up, but Lance only held him closer and whispered.
“I’m always here for you.”
Oo-oO
He thought things would change after that.
He was wrong.
Keith was now throwing himself into the new responsibility of Leader of Voltron.
Hunk kept giving him worried looks. Even Pidge asked him if he was doing alright. His scent was giving him away. Distress was hard to hide, but Lance was always good at putting on masks. He also knew where they kept the scent blockers that Pidge had managed to synthesize after Keith’s Alpha stench had stunk up the lounge area a few too many times after he’d been on the training deck.
He couldn’t worry the team now.
Oo-oO
“Keith?”
“What is it?”
“It’s late.”
“Not now, Lance”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Go ahead without me.”
“Okay . . . Goodnight.”
The hollowness took him before he even got close to his room. He spent the night in another storage closet.