Chapter 1: genkan
Notes:
Hi! So! I made a playlist for this story: homesick for a mountain's song
I hope that that sets the mood a little!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
一
Everything about the house creaked. The floor, the sliding doors, the engawa, everything. Still he felt like it was quiet for the first time since he could remember. He didn’t know if it was the sound of fighting, the busy villages, or just his mind that had always been so damn loud. Even on the softest evenings, or while he was hiding from someone ready to kill him, he could always hear his own heartbeat.
He hadn’t expected that his heartbeat could get back to being this soft.
Some things seem permanent, even if they aren’t. Others are quite the opposite. Which was probably why he had climbed the mountains that were considerably close to Konoha, looking for a place where no one recognized him. Until he came here, a mountain where he could count the houses on one hand. He’d stopped in his tracks when he saw the house, a lot of unused land around it, a waterfall to be heard somewhere in the distance. He’d barely seen anyone all day, and the few villagers he had seen had looked like he was nothing more than a weird looking man. He’d take that. He considered himself just that.
Something about the house looked painfully lonely, like it was about to fall apart. It calmed him. One day, probably very long ago, the house must have been beautiful. It was obviously a well built minka, a traditional house like not many people in the fire country owned. On each side of the roof a proud oni-gawara stood, staring at him. The house had probably been a vacation house for a rich clan, maybe for the family of someone doing business in Konoha. Traditional houses had always been owned by clans as old as the houses himself. The Uchiha compound had once had a lot of them, and he believed that the Nara family lived in the traditional houses too. But here, in this village, they were owned by any farmer who still wanted them.
And he did. So he had turned to the paper on the door, reading ‘For rent, ask for Hina.’ and he had done just that. Hina was old, and suspicious of him. She’d said a rough: ‘What do you want?’ and looked at him like he was insane when he asked about the house.
Now here they were, while she explained that there was no warm water, but that there was a natural onsen near. She handed him a few of her old pots and pans for tea and such. ‘It’s not an ideal house for the price, kid,’ she told him while handing him the pans.
‘Hn,’ he gratefully took the them from her hands, tried to focus on the creaking again, then moved his senses to the waterfall in the distance, then to the wind. The wind, always the wind he couldn’t get away from. ‘I have money.’
She frowned, twitched her nose. ‘You’re not running away from someone are you? I don’t want anyone messing around in my village.’
Sasuke nodded. He knew he looked like a shinobi, and a dangerous one at that. Even people who didn’t know anything about shinobi would recognize the intensity of his rinnegan, the amount of weapons around his waist, the fact he only had one fucking arm. He was honestly glad that Hina hadn’t told him to shove it because he was a shinobi right away. ‘I might be running away, but not from anything dangerous.’
Hina smiled. She understood that, apparently. ‘Very well then. I assume I won’t be asking you anything else then.’ Not even his name. She’d asked him nothing. Maybe that was what people on hills like this were like. He had once read somewhere that ‘people don’t choose to live high on mountains, they do it because they can’t just come down.’ Maybe that had been the truth. ‘But young man,’ he nodded slowly ‘there are things you can’t ever run away from.’
He bowed lightly. ‘Thank you.’
‘Enjoy your stay. The old man in the second house from here sells some vegetables, buy them.’
He thanked her again. Watched as she walked away. Her body, as old as it was, looked strong. He wondered if she’d worked on a farm all of her life. Or if maybe she was running away from something as well.
She seemed at peace.
He wondered if he could become someone like that, someone who looked like they were at peace with where they were, with who’d they’d become. He could barely even imagine it.
There are things you can’t ever run away from. He listened to the wind, felt the emptiness where his arm had once been. He didn’t have to wonder why the hell he wanted to live anywhere near Konoha. He fucking knew why. Even the idea of being near Naruto calmed him. He could protect the other boy, if he had to. He couldn’t get close enough to fuck Naruto’s life up, though. He’d wasted enough of Naruto’s time.
He placed the bags he’d been holding against the low wooden table in the middle of the almost empty room. An irori stood proud in the middle of the room, and he quietly wondered if there was firewood somewhere. The pots he had gotten from the old lady weren’t meant for the fireside, though. He was glad about that; he’d rather cook on a normal stove any day. Apart from the pots, he didn’t have much on him. He carried around his essentials, a small bag of tea, coffee, rice, miso. A few books, something to sleep on, a set of clothes. Having a house was a world of change compared to traveling around, sleeping out in the open or in hideouts, always being alert. The closest he’d ever felt to being home were the days he’d spent next to Naruto in the hospital, and then the two nights he’d slept on Naruto’s couch.
And now he was here, where there was nothing to be alert about here. Not about being killed, not about having to talk about his feelings.
He walked towards the kitchen, focussing on how the old wood felt underneath his bare feet. The house almost seemed to sing a rhythm of creaks to him. He filled one pot with water, started the fire. It lit the first time and it almost felt like life would be easy from there on. He couldn’t exactly imagine it. He put the pot full of water on the stove, got out some of the tea leaves he’d bought in the last village he visited while entering the fire country. After placing the leafs in his cup he, having nothing better to do, watched the water as it slowly started boiling. The silence of the house meant stillness of his body. One second of shifting his weight, and the floor would certainly creak again. The house felt warm from the sun. He wondered how it would feel if he opened up the big doors near the traditional veranda. He closed off the gas, poured the boiling water into his cup, and walked towards the living room again. He put down his cup on the table, walked towards the big sliding doors. They were rough and heavy. He liked that, went head on with the first one until it was completely open and the wind he had heard entered the house completely.
That wind. There would always be wind.
His veranda was small. If you’d jump off it you’d jump directly onto the neglected piece of land, made for farming. He didn’t jump off, he probably wouldn’t do it any other day either. Instead he fetched his tea and sat down. Then, finally, he looked up.
Only to see Konoha, smaller than he’d ever seen it. He couldn’t see everything about it either; the walls blocked a big part of his sight. He saw pieces of Tsunade’s and the Fourth’s face, carved into the mountain. He studied the Fourth’s face a little longer, seeing the clear resemblances with Naruto even when carved into stone. His stomach turned. Seeing Naruto’s father in that enormous mountain would be hard. Knowing that he would one day see Naruto’s face carved into that wall, completely in sight, would be his goddamn death.
He sighed, sipped his tea and closed his eyes to feel the wind against his skin a little better. Then he finally built up the courage to get himself some paper and ink. He sat back down on the veranda, put stones on either side of his paper, and started writing.
Naruto,
I’m well. Staying in the fire-country right now.
Mount Oda, the fifth house you see. I’ll be there.
Sasuke
His fingers tingled to write Dear Naruto. Or even worse: Yours truly, Sasuke. If no sensible thought would stop him he would write: I’m thinking about you, always. Because that was the only truth there was. He was always, always, always thinking about the other man.
He bit his lip. There are some things you can’t ever run from, he heard in the back of his mind. Now wasn’t that the incredible, terrible truth.
Unpacking was like a ritual. After sending even the smallest letter to Naruto, his body felt tense, stressed. It was the softer version of how he had felt while waking up next to Naruto after their last (physical) fight. Naruto had stared at him with those big fucking eyes. ‘Thank fucking god you woke up,’ he had whispered, before he cried. He couldn’t imagine why Naruto would even want him awake. Then again, he couldn’t understand why Naruto followed him through hell and back either. He would have understood if Naruto had pushed a rasengan through his chest, right after he woke up. And he sure as hell would have taken it a lot better than the hug he got instead.
In that second all the fucking love he had carefully hidden in his body was lit on fire. It burned in his fingertips and his stomach, his brain lit up in smoke. He hadn’t stayed there a second longer than he necessarily had to. Sakura had cursed him for it. She had called him an ungrateful piece of shit, right before wishing him that he’d always stay safe. He didn’t know what to do with her emotions about him. She probably returned that feeling wholeheartedly. So when she said ‘Don’t break him again, go talk. You’re fucking idiots.’, he had actually listened to her. He, at the very least, wanted to keep Naruto happy.
He shook off the thoughts about his former team as he placed his books on a shelf. He’d carried around the few he was still reading, or those that held something that he didn’t want to let go of. His poetry book, well he was always reading that, getting back to it, getting lost in it. He hadn’t expected himself to become such a book lover, but life has it’s crazy ways of getting to you when you’re on the road. So the books got their spot in his new house first. Then he walked on, trying to find the room where he was supposed to sleep. Like all the other rooms in the house, they had heavy traditional doors. There he placed the sparse clothing he had left there. A futon was nowhere to be found. He sighed, took his sleeping bag out as well. He didn’t mind sleeping on the floor. He’d been in worse positions than that.
He hadn’t even begun to think about what he needed to live here. He guessed that this was just it; he was already living in the damn house. His small attempts at placing his stuff wouldn’t suddenly make this a home. It still looked like the place was meant for ghosts, and he couldn't bring himself to mind. He didn’t mind anything.
There were no lists of things he needed to get. No way to make the house look better.
It was one step at the time, now. Right now what he needed was lunch, and then dinner.
When he knocked on the door of the second house a man with a rough face opened the door. He had dark skin and completely white hair. ‘It’s the rogue.’ He called out harshly. His wife stood behind him.
‘Oh my,’ she said, peeking over her husband's shoulder ‘He came.’
Sasuke nodded slowly. ‘I’m not.. I’m retired.’
The man raised an eyebrow at him, and then, completely unexpected, he started laughing. His laugh was loud enough for everyone on the entire mountain to hear. ‘Retired?’ the old man laughed, ‘My ass! I’m not even retired! Don’t make me laugh.’ He walked outside, signed for Sasuke to follow. The old man’s garden was blooming. Everywhere around him were vegetables, chickens, fruits, everything was just there.
The old man’s wife followed as well, calmly. ‘Don’t mind him, boy. You can retire whenever you want. My husband should have done the same, but he gets too happy when working’
Sasuke nodded silently, watching as the old man grabbed some vegetables at random. Then yelled: ‘He want any eggs?!’
‘Do you want eggs sweetheart? Anything else you like?’
‘Please. Tomatoes, maybe.’
‘Give him some! And pick some tomatoes will you!’
‘He can pick them himself!’ The old man called towards his wife. ‘Lazy prick!’
His wife frowned. ‘He’s a customer!’
‘You’re favoring him because he’s handsome!’
The old lady laughed. Then walked towards the garden to pick a few tomatoes.
‘I can do it.’ Sasuke mumbled awkwardly.
‘Don’t you worry about it, boy. Come help us out sometime when the heavy work needs to be done, will you? It’s been a long time since we had someone young around.’
‘I will.’
Her husband came to bring the vegetables in a basket. ‘You don’t talk much, do you, kid?’
‘Hn.’
He pushed the vegetables forward. ‘Pay at the end of this week. You’ll need more than this, anyway.’
‘Yes, thank you.’
His wife perked up again. ‘Don’t hesitate to ask us anything! I can’t imagine that house being good enough to live in right now, anyway. We have everything you need to fix it up a little. Just let us know, sweetheart.’
He bowed lightly. ‘I will.’
The old man snorted. ‘You’re one crazy kid.. living in that old house.’
‘Oh my, but isn’t it exciting! Having someone young around. Will you be bringing more people here? Do you have a family?’– his heart sunk– ‘Perhaps a partner or someone you’re in love wi–’
‘Kana, that’s enough.’ the old man said, suddenly stern. His wife closed her mouth right away, straightened up, and nodded. ‘Now you–’ the man nodded at Sasuke. ‘Go home. We’ll see you around.’
He had just cooked up some rice with tomato-cauliflower curry when there was a knock at the door. This was one of the first times in his life that he didn’t panic at the idea of someone wanting to see him. It could be one of the villagers – saying: you need a futon and coffee – or Naruto. He didn’t want to imagine what Naruto would say. He had realized that Naruto was stupid enough to leave right away once he’d gotten the letter, it wouldn’t surprise him in the least if Naruto was standing in front of his creaking house. Konoha was close.
Knowing that Naruto could, and would, come to this house hit him with strong anxiety. He breathed out slowly. He’d done scarier things with Naruto than hanging out in a new, old house. Like saving the world. Like punching holes through each other’s chest. Like blasting each other’s arms off.
The idea of just sitting to drink tea seemed impossible now. This wasn’t Konoha. There would be no people stopping Naruto, just to thank him for saving the world. No one would be making smalltalk. It wouldn’t be like the time they’d eaten ramen at Ichiraku’s, just because he knew that that was what Naruto had dreamed of all those years (and he had, of course, ruined that dream by telling Naruto he’d be traveling again, right there and then.)
‘Sasuke!’ He heard the other yell from the other side of the door. Then he heard quick mumbling: ‘This is the place right. One. Two–’ He stood up with a soft smile playing at his lips. Some shinobi this idiot was. Had he gotten used to the peace that quickly? Was he getting cocky because he was the first in line to be hokage?
Probably not; he was just an idiot like he had always been.
‘Sasuke!’
He walked to the door calmly, deciding not to hurry for this fool, and then pushed the door open roughly. Like he had expected; the front door was as impossible as all his other doors. It creaked loudly. He was quickly taking to the sound. He found himself calmed by it.
When Naruto saw him standing in the door opening, his face lit up. ‘Ah! So I did count right!’ He looked nervous. There were drips of sweat on his forehead. Probably because he had ran to see him.
‘There’s only five houses, idiot.’ He turned around, left the door open for Naruto to follow him. ‘Take off your shoes.’
Naruto excitedly did, nodding heavily. ‘Yeah.. this mountain is really empty. I was kind of surprised. Not even one shop or ramen stall.’ Sasuke watched as Naruto barged into his house. Suddenly the entire thing felt weird. Him renting this house felt weird. Being anywhere but in a battle or in Konoha with Naruto felt weird. ‘This place is cool! For how long are you staying?’
He didn’t know how to answer that. He hadn’t really thought of anything. He’d spend such a big part of his life just reaching for things. For revenge, for strength. ‘A while.’ he answered. Then he realized that Naruto probably thought that this was someone else's house, or just a house he’d found empty. ‘This is my place, for the time being.’
Naruto beamed at that. ‘Oh that’s awesome! So this is your welcoming party!’
‘No.’
‘Yes!’ Naruto walked past him, into the living room. Not even slightly bothered by the fact the house sounded like it was about to fall apart. He didn’t bother to follow Naruto, walking back into the kitchen to get his curry. ‘Where is your furniture?’ he heard Naruto yell. Not even seconds after he heard a loud, ‘This is amazing!’ followed by the loudest creak so far. He sighed, he poured the rice into the curry pot for Naruto, before going to see what the hell his friend was up to. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was no house to return to once Naruto decided to leave again.
When he walked into the living room, dinner in his hand, he realized that the creaking sound had been Naruto jumping off his veranda. The bright man was walking around on the land, and before he knew it, he had kicked down the door to the shack in the back of the garden. ‘Sasuke!’ Naruto yelled.
He wondered how the hell Naruto could be so casual. How he managed to be excited, happy, the way he always was.
It felt so.. normal.
Sasuke repeated in his mind that this was the man he’d tried to kill so many times. This was the man who single handedly saved not only the world but also – and maybe that was more impressive – him.
‘There’s a lot of awesome stuff here! Are you going to grow some veggies? Is this why there’s no shop? This land must be so good to–’
‘No. Come eat.’ In spite of his soft voice against Naruto’s yelling Naruto fell into silence and grinned.
He ran back to the house from across the garden and jumped onto the veranda. ‘What’s for dinner? I haven’t eaten yet. I’m hungry as fuck, I’m telling ya’.’
‘Hm, you never do when excited.’ He cursed himself for saying it like that. Like he fucking knew the other man. Like he got how the other worked.
And he did. He did.
He never deserved to.
Naruto didn’t seem to be bothered by the unexpected affection. ‘Shut up! Anyway, glad you have some extra. Oh curry–’
‘Go wash your hands.’
‘Ah fuck– but I’m so hungry.’
Sasuke looked up at the bright man. Naruto shifted under his gaze, awkwardly. ‘You were in a shack that hasn’t been touched in years.’
Naruto rolled his eyes. ‘Fine, asshole.’
Dinner was calm. Naruto talked about how things were in Konoha. It didn’t bother him hearing about his former home. If anything, it calmed him how uninteresting everything was. Sakura was working too hard and Ino was giving her shit for it. Gai had unexpectedly won from Kakashi in their last few battles. Naruto was training to become hokage, and that didn’t include any fighting. It meant that Tsunade made him read letters, requests, made him attend all kinds of bullshit. Naruto complained all the way through. He silently wondered if Naruto would complain just the same while attending. He thought of how Naruto was probably winning everyone over, like only he knew how to.
‘Sounds like you’re busy,’ he said.
Naruto nodded. ‘Yeah, Tsunade won’t let me catch a break.’
Sasuke nodded, thinking about those words carefully. ‘But you’re here.’
‘Ah, yeah.’ Naruto blushed. ‘I thought it was rare that you were this close and–’ his words were awkward, quick, rambed– ‘well, I didn’t want to miss you. I kind of just... left?’
So Naruto- who would do anything to become Hokage, had just left. Left the village and his duties. He shouldn’t be surprised about it– Naruto had always messed up his chances of being great up for him. Why would this be any different?
‘I’ll be here for a long time. You’re not just going to miss me.’
Naruto nodded excitedly. ‘This is awesome.’ Once again, he nodded, as if trying to tell him that this was really going on right now. ‘This must be so good too. So calm. Living here, I mean. You deserve a little–’
‘Just come here–’ he interrupted Naruto, once again, not ready to hear more complaints about how busy the other man was, ‘when you can take a break. Get away.’ Saying that was scary. He was just glad that the truth was out there; he wanted to be Naruto’s get away. He wanted Naruto to link good feelings, any good feelings, to him.
Naruto beamed, grinned brightly. ‘Fuck yeah! You bet I’ll keep you to it.’
Sasuke stood up without looking at that bright face. He just couldn’t. It would make his heart tumble right onto the damn floor. ‘Hn, bring me some coffee next time.’
He could feel Naruto’s eyes follow him as he walked towards the kitchen. ‘Don’t you need more than just coffee? I don’t know. Some pillows, maybe. Do you even have a bed?’
‘I don’t need a bed.’ He got out his tea, made another cup. ‘Fuck off!’ Naruto yelled from the other room. ‘Oh– and maybe we can work on this land a little. You know, grow you some tomatoes? Maybe we can grow strawberries too. Oh fuck I love strawberries. And mint tea? The one Sakura always drinks. I’m pretty sure those aren’t that hard to grow.’
‘Things don’t just magically grow, Naruto.’
Naruto stood up; the creaking of the floor told him. ‘C’mon! Are you suddenly too spoiled to farm a little?’
If Naruto thought he was falling for that after all these years, he was a goddamn fool. ‘I’m uninterested.’
Naruto walked into the kitchen. ‘I think you’re afraid you can’t do it.’
Sasuke rolled his eyes. ‘I don’t want to do it.’
‘Okay. I’ll do it. I bet I’ll manage.’
‘You won’t be here enough to–’
‘Hey!’ Naruto interrupted him. ‘Why are you only making one cup of tea?’
‘I only have one cup.’
Naruto gaped at him. ‘I’m bringing you another cup next time. What the actual fuck. How long have you been here for? What an asshole–’ Sasuke zoned out. He’d been here for a day, he wanted to tell Naruto. He didn’t want Naruto to know that sending the other a message was the first thing he’d done though. He didn’t want Naruto to know that their relationship was that fucking special to him. That he definitely moved here for the other man. ‘–definitely also bringing some pillows and a futon. Oh, and maybe some game for you to play? Anyway, I could take all of it with a carrying-scroll, right?’
‘Bring me a book.’
Naruto stared at him. ‘What?’
‘Not games. A book.’ He got paper and some ink. Then he wrote down the titles of books he still wanted to read. They were classics, so they probably weren’t that hard to get. ‘I don’t mind the futon.’ He handed the paper to Naruto. Naruto stared at him excitedly as he took it from his hands. As expected; Naruto just fucking loved being able to help. It didn’t matter much with what.
‘Cool! Yes! Yeah, I can bring you some books.’
Sasuke nodded. ‘And coffee.’
‘Coffee, books.’
Again, a nod. Then he took his cup of tea from the kitchen counter and walked back to the veranda. The sun was setting. In the distance he saw the sky colouring orange. He hadn’t realized that he could see the sun go down that well from here. He wondered how he’d survive if he’d get hit by an orange sky and the loud wind every day. Nature was calling out Naruto’s name. The world around him was made for Naruto.
‘The sun is setting.’ He mumbled as he sat down. ‘You should leave.’
Naruto dropped down next to him, making the veranda creak as if it was about to break. ‘Ah, shit!’ Naruto said, probably forgetting how old the house was. How much it had creaked from just some light footsteps. When he realized the floor wasn’t about to break down he grinned again. ‘Right! Right! I’ll leave.’
‘Drink the second half of the tea. Then go.’
Naruto stared at him intensely, a little excited too. Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.’ Naruto watched him as he sipped his tea, and then turned his attention to the Hokage’s faces. Somewhere he expected Naruto to say something about just how fucking well he would be able to see Naruto’s face from here once it was carved into mountain. Not if. There was no if about Naruto becoming Hokage anymore. Instead, though, Naruto said: ‘I almost don’t want to leave.’
That, he hadn’t expected. Naruto always wanted to be in Konoha. He was always working, always laughing with his friends, always on his way to ichiraku. Naruto was the kind of guy to become homesick while traveling. He could only imagine how much homesickness he had caused Naruto while he was searching for him.
Sasuke knew that feeling.. he often felt homesick for Naruto. Naruto, who was always at the exact place Sasuke could never be. One of the many places he would rather forget.
‘I’ll be here,’ he said slowly.
Naruto nodded. ‘Yeah. You’re right. I can always come back. It’s not that far.’ There that grin was again; not completely genuine, not really fake either. Sasuke didn’t know what to do with that face. He didn’t do anything.
Sasuke handed Naruto the cup in his hand. Naruto took a sip, made a face, and said: ‘I’m going to get you some sugar too.’
‘Give it back if you don’t like it, then.’
‘Ha, no way!’
And then the house was quiet again. He didn't know if it was the lack of birds or the fact Naruto was always so loud, but the silence was suddenly so much more obvious. He didn’t bother getting back to his bedroom. He just fetched his sleeping bag and placed it in the opening of his backdoor. There, he read in his poetry book once again, in the light of a candle. The walls of his house creaked loudly, as if one with the wind. He stopped at a poem by Takuboku Ishikawa. ‘ I want to go to the mountains, I want to go to the sea, I want to go to a place where no one knows me, I want to be lost among the people who speak a language I don’t understand at all.’ He had always seen the writer as rather dramatic, but he could understand that feeling, now. He listened to the creaking of his house as if it was a new language he was learning. He tried to place every creak in his mind. The ones for his footsteps, different in every room. Those made by the wind. The way his house had creaked when Naruto had carelessly dropped himself. He thought about what kind of sound the floor had made when it was Naruto’s exciting footsteps walking down the hall. Far, far in the distance he heard the waterfall. Somewhere, an owl was hooting.
So this is your welcoming party, Naruto had said. Maybe this really was his welcoming party, he thought as he listened to the song the mountain was singing for him.
Notes:
Thank you so much!
Chapter 2: tobiishi
Chapter Text
二
‘Sasuke! I talked to your neighbor and he gave me some seeds. Let’s see, he got us tomatoes and some for cucumber and also some herbs. He knows a lot about this mountain so I guess that it was good talking to him–’ Naruto rambled as he clumsily kicked off his shoes in the genkan . Sasuke watched as this man, who had once felt worlds apart from him, entered the old house like he lived there.
And he was confused as hell about it. ‘Back up– which neighbor?’
Naruto placed the baskets full of cuttings and bags with seeds on the floor. ‘C’mon, you only have like three neighbors, maybe eight on this mountain. I mean the old man. He’s really fucking kind by the way. I ran into him while walking up the mountain and we started chatting.’
Sasuke thought about the few words he had shared with the old man. They were never unkind, but definitely not conversations or smalltalk. The man had given him vegetables, told him to straighten up, and then he’d tell him when to pay. ‘You chatted with the old man?’
Naruto looked at him like he was the crazy one. ‘Yeah. Sorry. I really wanted to come here as soon as possible, been a while, but they invited me over for tea. I figured that if they gave me seeds, I couldn’t turn down their offer.’
Sasuke nodded slowly. He hadn’t had that kind of contact with anyone on this mountain. He didn’t exactly want that kind of contact either. Naruto had always, no matter where they were, been the one to talk himself into people’s heart. If he had managed with him, he could manage with anyone. So he wasn’t surprised. Not really.
‘Oh– I didn’t forget what you asked for, of course.’ Naruto got a carrying-scroll out of his pocket, placed it on the floor. ‘And some extra stuff. A futon, some pillows, tableware, a picnic set, towe–’
‘Wait. A what?’
‘Futon.’
‘No, the.. picnic set? What the hell do I need that for?’
Naruto shrugged. ‘To picnic, I guess. I don’t know, it seemed like you moved here to enjoy the mountain, so yeah.’
Sasuke rolled his eyes. ‘You’re stupid. Hand me the coffee.’
Naruto grinned brightly while Sasuke turned around to put on some water. He undid the scroll, took out all of the fucking stuff he’d taken. His hallway slowly became fuller and fuller. ‘They thought I was moving, in Konoha. Everyone asked me where I was going with all this stuff. I had to turn down some presents.’
He turned the stove on. ‘Everyone is just looking for excuses to talk to you.’
Naruto grinned. ‘I guess.’
‘You should move, by the way.’ If Naruto hadn’t moved in the few months Sasuke was traveling, he was still living in his old apartment. The apartment that had been meant for orphans, for outcasts, for a child. Naruto never seemed bothered by his apartment, but then again he always had been the sentimental kind of guy. Bad at letting go. Even worse at being alone. He guessed that Naruto getting a bigger house – which he, as Konoha’s hero, definitely could – meant him being alone more.
‘Nah..’ Naruto offhandedly said as he searched through his carrying-scroll. ‘Ah!–’ he pulled out a book. Sasuke looked at it carefully hoping that it was the one he’d asked for. It was an ugly issue, but it was the book he wanted non the less. ‘You’re turning into Kakashi.’ Naruto mumbled as he took out the other three books Sasuke had asked for.
‘Kakashi reads porn. ’
‘Tomayto tomahto.’ Naruto grabbed the two family packs of coffee and three cups in his other hand before walking towards the kitchen. He’d gotten the cups with ears, just so they’d be easy for Sasuke to carry in one hand. He was a jerk of thinking about stuff like that. Couldn't he just be inconsiderate about it?
He could not, Sasuke realized, because Naruto himself had walked around with one arm for months as well.
Sasuke took the bag from Naruto’s hands. ‘It’s not whatever. These books are classics, you can’t compare them to the cheap, badly written, porn Kakashi rea–’
‘It’s not badly written.’
‘What?’
‘It’s cheap porn, yeah, but it’s well written.’
Sasuke stared at Naruto as if the other had lost his mind. Then he smirked. ‘Did you read it, then?’
‘Jiraiya wrote those books.’
Sasuke could feel himself going wide eyed. He hadn’t talked to Naruto about his former teacher. He hadn’t expressed anything about feeling sorry for Naruto’s loss. They hadn’t spoken about how they had both been taught by the legendary Sannin. It was a memory Sasuke himself would rather forget. ‘Jiraiya.. your teacher?’
Naruto shifted awkwardly, a soft smile on his face. ‘Yeah.. I mean he was a real pervert. Traveling with him was really.. something else.’ Naruto watched how he tried to place coffee into his traveling filter. He knew he looked terrible; not being able to hold the pack and the spoon at the same time. He’d gotten rather skilled with one arm; but Naruto was obviously better off now that he was used to his prosthesis one.
He wondered if Naruto was about to talk about their arms again. About how he should get a prosthesis as well. Fuck. He didn’t want one. He didn’t want to fight. So he said something he hadn’t expected himself to say: ‘Tell me more about Jiraiya.’
Naruto grinned brightly. ‘Really?!’ He wondered when the last time was that he’d asked the other to tell more about himself. Maybe they didn’t know each other at all. ‘Uhm.. You know how we met, right? Anyway.. Ah– where to start. Uhm– well, when I first met him I thought that he was such a shit teacher.’ Naruto laughed lightly. ‘He’d always ogle at girls while I did my work, so I was often pissed off at him. Later on, though, I realized that he was always secretly doing things to help me, to place the thought that I wasn’t worthless in my head. When we started traveling together–’
He listened to Naruto’s story as he poured water on top of his coffee. Naruto told his story aggressively, waving his hands around, laughing, moving from one feet to another. His floor creaked with every single move Naruto made. He himself only moved his hand. He knew he’s always had a calm body (if he didn’t mind his heart and head). He gave all his attention to pouring little bits of water on top of the coffee, listening to Naruto’s bright voice.
When the coffee was finished he handed it to Naruto. Naruto kept talking. He nodded just to let Naruto know he was listening. He turned to go sit on his veranda. ‘You know I fought Pein, right? Or Nagato, really. Well a while before that–’ He suddenly stopped, watched Sasuke carefully. ‘Sorry, I’m rambling.’
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. ‘I have no problem shutting you up when I want to.’ He answered, knowing darn well that an ‘I like to hear you talk’ would just be awkward and misplaced.
Naruto blushed, followed him carefully. ‘I guess you’re right.’
The door to the veranda was already open, like it was most of the time. It was the place Sasuke sat most. He still hadn’t really gotten around to sleeping inside of his bedroom either, on most nights he’d just bring his sleeping bag into the living room. ‘So? Go on.’ He told Naruto, before he placed his coffee cup against his lips. He closed his eyes. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed the taste of coffee. He hadn’t realized how long he hadn’t had the chance to even think about something like missing coffee; but here he was, and he felt spoiled for it.
‘Oh, Okay. So, when I met Nagato–’
Sasuke was sitting in the shadow of his house when Naruto came back outside, the pile of books he had brought in his hands. ‘I found something really cool.’
He plopped down on the veranda, once again like this house wasn’t having a hard time keeping upright without Naruto jumping around, and placed the books in between them. Naruto chose to sit in the bright sunlight. He squinted his eyes like he didn’t have an option. Then, he took one book from the pile and held it up for Sasuke to see. Now he was squinting too, trying to read the title. Farming for beginners, it said. Sasuke rolled his eyes and then leaned back against his doorframe. ‘What do you need that for?’
‘For farming?’ Naruto asked, as if it was obvious.
‘Yeah, no.’
Naruto shrugged, proudly looked at the book again. ‘You don’t have to help me.’
Sasuke now closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe this fucking idiot. ‘Farming takes time, Naruto. You’re in no situation to do it properly.’
‘Whatever. I’m going to try.’
‘Focus on becoming Hokage, idiot. Grow some vegetables when you’re retired.’
He heard Naruto stand, jump off the veranda. Sasuke opened one eye, silently wondering just when he’d tell Naruto to stop jumping off his veranda, or to start saving up money to build him a new one. ‘Whatever.’ Naruto just replied, walking through the garden. He stopped at the right corner. Said: ‘I think I’ll plant some tomatoes here.’
Sasuke pulled one of his new poetry books from his pile, trying to make sure Naruto knew he wanted nothing to do with this whole idea. ‘Idiot. Maybe you should check if they need sunlight all day first, or if you can even plant them in spring.’
Naruto grinned. ‘You’re right! Yeah.’ He ran back to the veranda, leaned against the wood of the house as he opened the book. He hadn’t expected he’d see Naruto open a book on it’s own will, in this lifetime at least. Obviously, he had read one of Jiraiya’s books, and he’d probably read scrolls to important jutsu’s as well.
He watched Naruto frown, move a little closer to the book. He wondered if Naruto’s eyesight was getting bad, maybe. ‘What?’ he asked.
‘Concentrating is hard.’
‘Well no shit. You’ve always had the concentration of a fish.’
‘Shut up! Asshole. I’ll beat your ass.’
Sasuke raised one eyebrow. ‘Because we’ve got more arms to spare? No thank you.’
Naruto just laughed at that. Mumbled a quick ‘asshole’ before going back to his book with newfound motivation. He’d probably give up soon.
To his surprise, Naruto actually thought the whole thing through a little. He walked back inside to grab the basket he’d gotten from the old man, and read what the bags said. With every bag he read, he’d look through the book. Those pages he did read, carefully and with all of his attention.
Sasuke pretended he wasn’t watching him. He pretended he couldn’t care less that Naruto was wasting his time inside of his house– instead of spending it on his pre-hokage duties. Or on his friends, who were obviously not getting as much attention with everything Naruto had going on these days.
Naruto nodded as he read, like a fucking idiot. Sasuke’s chest felt warm just watching the other. So he stood up, walked towards the kitchen, and refilled his cup of coffee as slow as possible. Just to get away from the fact that Naruto was right there. That Naruto was alive, and that he was beaming and that he was being stupid.
To get away from the fact he deserved none of it. Not even the slightest detail. Not the house. Not the sundowns. Not the wind. Not Naruto’s endless trust.
‘Sasuke! Bring me tea!’
‘Get yourself tea.’ He called back. He didn’t know if Naruto heard him, but if he had, he was already too distracted to reply. So he got out some tea leaves, and made Naruto some tea too. On his kitchen counter, next to the coffee, there was a bag of sugar. He sighed, knowing for sure that that bag wouldn’t be opened unless Naruto was around, and then took a spoonful to steer through Naruto’s tea.
He listened as his veranda started creaking again, trying to follow Naruto’s movements with his ears. The day was soft, and it was still early. He didn’t dare to ask Naruto for how long he was staying, or what he wanted to do together. He’d be fine just sitting on his veranda reading together, but he doubted Naruto was. Naruto was probably expecting something amazing or big.
They had always been amazing, big, absolutely crazy. Nothing about their friendship had ever been calm or normal. How the hell were they supposed to do that now?
Nothing about the feelings he carried for Naruto was normal.
And yet he returned to the veranda holding the coffee and tea. Naruto was stomping around in his garden. He had the cuttings for mint and basillicum in his basket. Naruto looked at the shadow of the house, like he was turning into freaking Shikamaru, and then sat down.
Sasuke placed the tea on the veranda, sat back down in the shadow, and watched how the sun reflected his beautiful friend. His already bright hair and skin shining beautifully.
Naruto was running to his shed and returned with a shovel, a watering can and a rake. Somehow the poems in Sasuke’s book weren’t that interesting anymore. He hid his face behind the pages and tried, tried very hard to focus on the words he was reading. Except, he couldn’t help but peek at the man in his garden. He couldn’t help but be a little overwhelmed by the way the other man placed his fingers against the earth, holding those herbs like they’d save his life. Like they mattered.
When Naruto walked up to the house he held his breath. As if Naruto could make the word stop. He tried to tell himself, breathe, it’s just Naruto, but he already figured his body wouldn’t listen. If his body had listened to those rational thoughts, Naruto would have had a chidori through his chest years ago. Naruto made him do things he’d never expected himself to do so he– he held his breath.
Naruto grinned at him. ‘Water!’ he said., holding up an old rusty watercan. Effortlessly he jumped onto the veranda again. His feet black from the sand he’d been walking on, rough from all the endless and endless days of training, chasing him–
’Wait!’ Sasuke stopped Naruto in his tracks. Naruto innocently glanced at him ‘Hand that to me. Your feet are dirty.’
He’d been hearing the waterfall for the two weeks he’d been at his new house, but he hadn’t actually gone here. The river wasn’t that far. They walked downhill for a few minutes. For a while they were just surrounded by big trees.
Three times those weeks he’d walked to the onsen old lady Hina had talked about. It was a little more than an hour by foot, which wasn’t ideal, but considering he didn’t have much to do it wasn’t that bad either. There had been a few customers, and he’d liked it a lot better than the few times he’d gone to onsen in the hidden villages. All his life he’d gotten stares, and he’d always been good at ignoring them, but it was different when he was looking like a thug made out of missing pieces. When the shame he’d always felt was finally settling in completely.
Somewhere, there was an enclosure without any animals inside of it. The place seemed to be as old as the furniture inside of the houses. They passed it without giving it a second glance, walking deeper into the woods. ‘That way,’ he nodded towards the river, or at least to where the sound was now clearly coming from.
Naruto grinned, walked the way Sasuke was leading him. ‘You sure you’ve never been there before? You know the way quite well.’
‘I still can’t believe anyone let you become a genin.’
Naruto threw himself at him, bumped his shoulder roughly. ‘Shut up! Asshole.’ There was so much force in that bump that most people would have been sent flying against one of the many trees.
Sasuke just smirked. ‘I guess it wasn’t to be helped– riding on your teammates talent–’
‘Watch your mouth, you dick.’ Naruto punched his shoulder, still grinning amazingly bright. He stared at Sasuke like he held the answers to the universe, started walking a bit slower.
Sasuke could feel himself getting awkward under Naruto’s bright blue eyes. ‘What?’, he asked.
‘Been a while since you made fun of me.’ Had it? Had it, really? He couldn’t imagine that he’d spent his time recovering in a boring hospital without making fun of Naruto.
He didn’t know how to answer that either. With more teasing? By the time he had made his mind up any answer would be weird, so he kept quiet. He watched Naruto as he walked on. The other didn’t say much about him not answering; this was their normal.
Waterfall got louder by the second. The sun was still bright. He assumed that it was midday, but ever since coming to the mountain he didn’t care about time that much anymore.
‘Holyshit–’ Naruto stopped walking.
Sasuke stopped as well, seeing the waterfall in front of him like he had expected. It wasn’t anything big; it couldn’t have been from the sound it made. It was small enough to stand underneath without being swept away– and Naruto realized that, since he took less than seconds to get rid of his clothes. Easily slipping out of every piece. Before Sasuke had even made an attempt to move towards the river, Naruto had jumped into it while yelling loudly. The lucky fucking idiot didn’t jump right onto a rock, like Sasuke had kind of expected him to. He did yell loudly. ‘Ah fuck! It’s cold!’
Sasuke walked up to the river calmly, sat down on one of the stones. He left Naruto’s clothes right where they were. ‘Well, that was to be expected.’
Naruto rolled his eyes dramatically. His wet hair was sticking to his face, the colour slightly darker now. It wasn’t just his face and arms that had been tan; Naruto’s entire chest had a sun kissed colour. ‘Bastard. Are you getting in?’
He watched his best friend swim around. His naked body underneath that cold water. It wasn’t exactly warm inside of the forest. The sun was shining on the river brightly, reflecting the water as well as Naruto’s bright smile.
Slowly he took off his shoes, and then he carefully folded his pants up to his knees. He moved to a rock that was closer to the water, then he placed his feet into the cold water. He could feel the stream push against his toes. The cold felt amazing on his feet, he hadn’t realized that they were tired from walking. He hadn’t realized he’d been tired at all.
Naruto was staring at him like he was about to call him a pussy for not swimming, but something made him decide against it. Instead, he smiled a soft smile and turned to the waterfall. ‘Think I can climb it?’ he asked. Without waiting for an answer he climbed the rocks, carelessly. The heavy water hit his head roughly. Naruto yelled something among the lines of ‘This is so good!’ and Sasuke believed him.
No, he didn’t just believe him. He agreed. Sitting here, near the water, in the bright sun, it was good. Watching Naruto made him feel like he was watching a different man than the one who was about to lead one of the hidden villages. Like he himself was a different man than the one who’d killed his own brother, who’d brought the lives of multiple ones of his friends in danger. Maybe they’d never been those men in each other’s eyes.
‘Sasuke!’ Naruto yelled. He looked up as the other jumped from a rock into the water. Like a child , Sasuke couldn’t help but think. Naruto hadn’t really gotten the chance to be careless, though he’d always pretended to be just that.
And now he’d go straight from saving the world to leading a village.
He hadn’t even gotten a single second to be a child.
Naruto came up to breath with a bright grin on his face. ‘We have got to go here every time!’
Sasuke nodded, moved his feet around in the water slowly. He wondered how often ‘every time’ was. This time, Naruto had taken a little less than two weeks to visit. He highly doubted that it would stay that way. Naruto always made pretty promises. He meant them; that didn’t mean he could keep them.
‘Sasuke,’ Naruto moved to a rock close to where he was sitting, leaned on it with both arms. He was slightly out of breath, his cheeks a little red. Sasuke had never taken his time to look at Naruto’s new arm from this close, while Naruto’s chest was bare. The arm looked different than his other one, slightly paler, quite a bit thinner. Naruto probably couldn’t train the arm as well as the other one. He could feel his gut turn at the idea that he did that. Just the idea that he’d once wanted to hurt this man.
And now they were swimming in a small river, and he couldn’t do anything but hope Naruto was happier for it.
‘Neh, Sasuke… I was wondering, does it help?’
‘What?’
Naruto blushed, the red on his cheeks brightening. ‘I mean.. living here, how calm it is, the mountain. Do you.. think about it less?’ He knew what Naruto meant by ‘it’ . He meant his family, the night they’d been killed. He meant Itachi, using his life to save him. He meant himself, almost getting killed by his best friend, over and over again. The guilt. That crashing fucking guilt and every single memory that was burned into his mind by his sharingan.
Was it easier now? He wasn’t that sure.
‘It’s not.. I don’t think about it less.’
He could see Naruto biting his lip. ‘Then–’
He stopped Naruto before the other could say anything stupid. Like come to Konoha. ‘It’s honest. I feel.. like I’m being honest with myself.’ This was the first time he was having this conversation with Naruto without a big fight. He hadn’t expected the day to come. ‘I need space, Naruto, to work through everything. I have to do it alone.’
Naruto pulled himself from the water, sat down on one of the rocks. Sasuke looked at his feet, not trying to get distracted by Naruto’s body. Naruto, unexpectedly, noticed, and fetched a tower to put on his lap. ‘Isn’t it lonely?’
Sasuke shrugged. ‘I’ve known lonelier things.’
Naruto accepted that as an answer, nodded. He wanted to tell his bright friend that maybe he needed space too. That he needed the same amount of time to deal with everything, with the demon inside of him and the endless killing they’d done.
He didn’t tell Naruto any of those things.
They weren’t friends to say things like that.
They weren’t lovers.
He was in no such place.
Naruto yawned, stretched and laid down against the rocks. He watched Naruto’s chest, moving up and down slowly, and the mark on his chest, there to remind them of the demon Naruto had inside of him. Sunlight hit Naruto’s face lightly. The man was beautiful, growing up to be gorgeous.
He swallowed, ripped his eyes away from the beautiful man. As a distraction, he took out his book. He flipped open the chapter with Matsuo Basho poems. Naruto breathed in deeply, as if really getting sleep. Sasuke read: the summer grasses, all that remains, of warriors dreams. Then he glanced up, watched Naruto breathe again. The sun gradually disappeared behind a tree. A shadow covered parts of the river now. Goosebumbs appeared on Naruto’s arms. He concentrated on his poems “Shall we die?”, you whispered to me, at the night of firefly. Now he focussed on his own breath. In. Out. In. Out. He was still alive; it was proven by the way Naruto was still laying next to him, completely wrapped up in the peace he himself had created.
And so he closed his book, stood up.
Naruto blinked his eyes open at the sound of it, surprised.
‘Let’s go back,’ he mumbled quickly.
Naruto scurried to his feet. ‘Ah– yeah, uhm sure. I’m a little hungry, anyway.’
Chapter 3: ikebana
Notes:
Hi! This chapter is as long as the other two combined haha. I hope you guys will enjoy it!
I made a playlist to write this on, so maybe it'll set the mood for you guys: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3L4H2m7o7eXlRaXzYPYFf2?si=qAPamgWCRiCXivavhSMW4A
Chapter Text
三
Naruto, to his surprise, actually came to the mountain on most days. He knew Tsunade was probably having Naruto’s ass for it too. He wasn’t going to stop Naruto from coming, though. Naruto’s trouble in Konoha was his own.
On one of the first visits Naruto had taken some Ichiraku take-out to offer to the old man, Hirouki. Sasuke hadn’t asked him about it; he’d simply watched as Naruto walked in to drop his stuff off, left again, and came back with some gardening gear and even more cuttings.
‘This one goes off a few times a day!’ He’d excitedly said. ‘I borrowed the old man’s! He didn’t need it because he waters everything himself anyway.’
He wondered what kind of stories Naruto told the villagers he met. Did they know that he was the one who saved the world? The man who was about to become the most important person in the fire country? He doubted it meant much to them; they judged a person how and whenever they wanted to.
Something that he was grateful for; since that was the reason they hadn’t bothered him too.
Naruto connected the sprinkler to the tap on the outside of the house. ‘I know you’re not planning on watering these plants, and I know I can’t on some days. So it’s one with a timer. Pretty awesome hm? Three weeks from now the plants won’t need as much water as they do right now, so I’ll come to turn it off then.’
Sasuke didn’t answer him. Naruto took that as a sign to sit down next to him on the veranda. The blonde was smiling brightly, his red, sun kissed cheeks seemed permanent these days. ‘I brought you some bread with herbs and tomato.’ Naruto held the bread out to him.
Sasuke nodded, then got up. ‘I’ll get us some tea with it.’
After eating something and drinking some tea Naruto would always leave again. The visits were painfully short, on most days. Sasuke guessed that Naruto saw him in secret. That the idiot skipped training or dinner to run up that mountain. Naruto was probably finding easier and faster routes to walk too. As if to make up for his time, Naruto would often bring a small present. A snack, most of the time, or even an entire meal. Then Naruto would join him for dinner like he hadn’t eaten in days. The pile of books was getting bigger too. Sasuke wondered if Naruto secretly had a deal with the bookseller in Konoha. The book he’d bring were all the same kinds– philosophical stories, poetry, classics. Naruto probably asked the bookseller to pick them out for him.
After a while, when Naruto and he had found comfort in their new normal, he had started getting nervous about the moment Naruto would get up and leave again. Naruto was always so casual about it. He complained about Konoha, about how they made him work too hard and about the things he was going to change when he’d become Hokage. Never did it seem like Naruto was planning on staying; though.
The worst thing was; he knew he was being childish about it. Sure, Konoha had done things to him that definitely ratified the fact he was never going there again, but visiting would be different. Still he didn’t. He wouldn’t.
Which is exactly why it didn’t make any fucking sense that he hated it so much when Naruto left for the day. This was more, so much fucking more, than he could have asked for. Of course he could have expected Naruto to try, like he had tried for Sasuke his entire life, but that didn’t mean he deserved any of it. He felt stupid for hating the idea of Naruto going home and sleeping in Konoha. For all he would know, Naruto was sleeping in someone else’s bed. For all he knew he was leaving the dinner of some sweet woman on the table, just to come see him. The thought alone made him fucking sick.
‘Sasuke!’ Naruto didn’t even bother to come in through the front door anymore, just walking through the garden that was basically his own now, knowing Sasuke would be sitting on the engawa again. ‘Look what I got!’ Naruto made his way through the young plants carefully. He knew where not to step, where he could. The garden was divided by what Naruto was growing these days. Some parts still seemed empty, while some were slowly coming alive.
He didn’t mind his garden looking like that. What he did mind was: the idiot was holding up a fucking cage.
He frowned. ‘I don’t think I want to know.’
‘Yes you do! They're chickens!’ Ah, so it was something he bought on impulse.
And something that was now his problem. ‘No.’
‘Yes.’
‘Naruto..’ He sighed, he placed his head on his tempel, rubbed his head slowly. ‘Why are you so fucking stupid?’
‘Kurama eats my brain cells.’ Naruto sarcastically mumbled. ‘No! Sasuke! This is amazing! You’ll have fresh eggs every morning!’
‘And I’ll have chicken to take care of. I don’t see how this is “amazing”.’
Naruto put the cage down on the veranda, grinning brightly. ‘C’mon, they’re so cute.’
He leaned in and looked into the cage, where three chickens were pressed together. They were looking at him with creepy, bottomless eyes. He’d thought his eyes were scary, but they had nothing on the murderous look these chicken had. ‘They’re ugly.’ He mumbled.
Naruto grinned, rolled his eyes. ‘You’re ugly! Whatever. I love them. Anyway, grandpa Hirouki is coming over to explain how I’m going to make a henhouse for them. I knocked on their door while walking here.’
‘Don’t call him grandpa. Pay him some respect.’
‘He told me I could!’ Naruto turned around and started fetching wood from the shack, together with a hammer, some thread.
Sasuke watched as Naruto ran up and down, thinking about where to put the chicken run. Then he stood up to make the other man some tea. In his small fridge, there were still some strawberries Hina had brought him. Every single strawberry was big and dark red. As he washed them he imagined picking up some eggs, bringing them to Hina to thank her for all the things she had brought him.
The idea of it wasn’t that bad.
It was having to deal with those chickens if Naruto stopped coming. Which.. one day.. he definitely would. Naruto didn’t seem to think about the fact that they wouldn’t be together forever; and that one day Sasuke would be stuck with all Naruto had left.
And Naruto wouldn’t have a trace of Sasuke left.
He bit his lip. Put the tea and strawberries on a tray and walked towards his garden again. ‘Naruto! Come drink.’
Naruto, obvious to how normal people stay alive, yelled: ‘Oh fuck yeah! I haven’t had anything to drink in hours.’
Not only the old man came around, Kana came with him. She was holding sandwiches made with fresh bread. This was the first time he’d actually had someone over. Hina came around, on some days, but it was more to check if he was okay. Maybe she expected him to stop renting the house, maybe she expected to find him dead on some days. He didn’t know how the neighbors saw him.
He knew they liked Naruto.
So he invited them in, asked if they wanted some tea or coffee. The old man wanted nothing, walked through the house to where Naruto was working. ‘You’re already doing it wrong! Kid!’ He yelled loudly. Naruto looked up, dropped the wood he was holding, and waved. The old man snorted, then jumped off the veranda. Surprisingly, the veranda didn’t creak like it did when Naruto jumped off. Maybe because Hirouki had spent his entire life jumping off veranda’s like this. Sasuke watched as Naruto got scolded by the old man; he deserved it too. Kana chuckled. ‘Do you have a plate for me, darling?’
Sasuke ripped his eyes away from Naruto. From the bright conversation going on outside. ‘I–yeah.’
‘He’s a nice boy.. that Naruto.’ Kana mumbled.
Sasuke nodded, eyeing her while fetching a plate. Then he placed a pot with water on the stove.
‘When I first met you, I thought you were the kind of person who has nothing left. Not a thing in the world.’ She smiled sweetly and placed the sandwiches on the plate carefully. ‘A lot of people become incapable of loving, because of what the world has done to them. It’s a blessing if you still can, even if it’s the last thing you get to keep.’
Sasuke stared at her. Swallowed. He wondered what she saw when looking at him. When he looked into the mirror he looked like a man who’d gone to hell and back. ‘He’s good at things like that.’
She smiled. ‘You are too, darling.’
‘No.’ He took the water, poured it inside of his teapot. He put a bit of sugar inside of one cup, for Naruto. ‘I’m really not.’
Kana picked up the plate and turned to the veranda. He followed behind her. Old man Hirouki was still yelling at Naruto. They were hammering wooden poles into the ground. Naruto was laughing and sweating. He’d left his orange hoodie on the veranda. His skin was becoming darker every day, his hair lighter.
Kana placed the plate on the veranda, then kneeled down to pour everyone a cup of tea. She didn’t say anything about how empty his house still was, or about how the garden and the book shelf were the only places that looked alive.
She glanced at the chickens for a second, let her eyes travel over her husband’s broad back, and then she said: ‘There are a lot of ways to love. I know a person doesn’t come to live on a mountaintop without a reason..’ She thought for a second, maybe about how her husband had told her to stop talking about things like this. ‘I just want you to know that we don’t mind. You and Naruto are always welcome with us. We’re not going to judge you, even if he starts living here permanently.’
Oh.
Oh.
So that’s what she was talking about. She thought Naruto and he were a couple. The idea made his fingers tintle. Could she see it on him? Could she see it in the way his eyes followed Naruto everywhere he went? Was it the way he only opened up when Naruto was near? Were his eyes really full of love when he looked at Naruto?
He thought that love was nothing more than anxiety reserved for his chest.
‘I–’ He didn’t want to lie about it. She’d been kind enough to accept him. It made him feel warmer than he had in a long time. ‘Naruto– he’s not like that.’ he answered. Not gay. Not an outcast like him.
Kana watched him carefully. Then she nodded. ‘I just wanted to let you know.’
He nodded. ‘Thank you.’
She picked up one of the cups of tea, handed it to him. He took it from her old, strong hands. ‘Is Naruto.. is he the same Naruto who’s rumoured to become hokage?’
He wasn’t surprised that they’d heard about it. This village was particularly detached from the hidden villages, but some news reaches everyone. He could hear in her voice, that she felt sorry for that fact. She would rather not know; because she understood what his answer would mean.
‘Yes.. he is.’
She nodded sternly. ‘I see.’ She didn’t say anything more about it. Not that Naruto was amazing for saving the world. Not that she felt sorry for the both of them. Nothing more. She just looked up at the two men in the garden and yelled: ‘Lunch!’
That evening Naruto stayed after sundown for the first time. He slouched around in the house, obviously not trying to bother him, but wanting to stretch out his time. Ever since his conversation with Kana, Sasuke’s feelings were up in his throat. His hands felt like shaking every single time Naruto asked him to do anything.
He needed Naruto to leave. For the first time in forever he wanted him gone.
Once, they had a fight about Naruto hurting less, because he never had a family in the first place. He didn’t know what was taken from him; and he earned a new family along the way. Sasuke remembered every detail of his mother’s face, every dinner she had made, he remembered all the things Itachi had taught him. ‘Naruto?’
The other looked up at him, some magazine he was obviously not reading in front of him. ‘What’s up?’
‘Isn’t it time for you to leave?’
Naruto looked at his hands, shrugged. ‘I was wondering if I could stay over, tonight.’
He could hear the chickens outside. That was a new sound. It kind of distracted him too much to still hear the river. He tried to focus on the river, instead of on the clucking outside. Failed. ‘I’m pretty sure you have more important things to do.’
‘Not you too.’ He complained as he sat back. ‘I thought you didn’t give a fuck about Konoha’s safety or system.’
He eyed Naruto suspiciously. This was weird talk, even for Naruto. No, especially for Naruto. ‘I don’t, but you do.’ He wondered why he needed to remind the future fucking Hokage of that fact.
‘I know.’ Naruto shifted. The floor creaking enough to startle both of them. ‘They’re expecting so much of me. I get it. I do. I’m just so tired.’
Sasuke didn’t believe that that was all there was to it. Not in the slightest. Naruto was always tired. Naruto had chased him for years without stopping one single time. Naruto had fought him until their arms came flying off. He had looked into the Akatsuki until his eyes were burning just to save the world.
He wasn’t just tired. ‘Is it not worth it?’ He hated to think that for all those years, Naruto had found him worth it, but not this. He pushed the thought away, stared at Naruto intensely.
He could feel his sharingan coming alive. If Naruto was planning on getting out of this he– ‘Don’t use your sharingan on me, asshole.’
‘Don’t fucking lie to me, then.’
‘I wasn’t–’
‘Tell me what’s going on.’ He knew that maybe, maybe it would be better to just get a little closer to the other. To hold his hands, to stroke his back. Those things just seemed.. so impossible right now.
‘Okay.. okay. I just.. I had a pretty bad fight with Sakura and Tsunade. They called me into the office like I was the fucking class clown again, I hated it.’ Sasuke nodded slowly. ‘Saying how they couldn’t understand why I would sneak away all the time, and how I seem so tired lately when I do train. I knew that was not even the fucking problem; they think that you’re, I don’t fucking know, a bad influence or something. They think I’m crazy for going here, while not asking you to do the same, I–’
‘Konoha is–’
‘I know!’ Naruto swallowed. ‘I know.. You don’t have to go to Konoha. Not until I’m Hokage, at least.’
Sasuke nodded slowly. He wanted to hold Naruto, to calm him down. He couldn’t. He really– anything but that. ‘They think you’re going to talk me out of becoming Hokage. I think.’ He swallowed. ‘Pretty sure that’s their biggest fear.’
Sasuke smiled. ‘Like anyone could ever convince you not to follow your dreams.’
At that, to his surprise, Naruto chuckled and shook his head. ‘You’ve always.. you’ve always been the only one. They know that.’
Sasuke watched how Naruto entanged his fingers nervously, swallowed. ‘I’ve never tried to.’
‘I know.. Sasuke. Thank you, for being there for me.’
That surprised him. Never in his entire life had anyone thanked him for something like that. He wasn’t there for Naruto. He didn’t even try. He had tried to kill Naruto on multiple occasions and he hadn't even said sorry. He hadn’t done shit to make up for it.
He didn’t deserve Naruto’s gratitude. ‘Please don’t say that.’
‘I mean it.’
Sasuke stood up, quite suddenly. He had to find a distraction. Getting Naruto a blanket, making some tea, anything that was not having this conversation. The floor creaked nervously, his steps heavier than they usually were.
‘Sasuke.’ Naruto said. Sasuke didn’t look at him. ‘Don’t underestimate yourself. I see every single time you didn’t kill yourself, every time you’ve smiled, every time you didn’t kill me,’ he chuckled lightly. Sasuke didn’t see what was so funny about killing each other. ‘I see them as wins. Those things were more than anyone could have ever expected. The fact that you’re here, allowing me inside of your house, Sasuke.. Thank you.’
Sasuke walked up to Naruto again. Something fierce was burning inside of him because of Naruto’s stupidity. How could this fucking idiot not get it? ‘Let me rephrase it, then: you deserve more.’
Naruto stood up, went face to face with him. ‘Whatever you think “more” is, I don’t fucking want it.’
Sasuke’s heart tumbled through this mouth, onto the ground. He felt like he was going to choke. ‘You deserve–’
‘Shut up! Please..’ Naruto grabbed his hand. The touch sent shivers through Sasuke’s chest, all the way up to his neck. Naruto’s hands were warm against his. ‘Can we stop talking about it?’
Sasuke nodded, slowly. For a while, they stood like that, in the middle of the room. They just looked at each other. Waiting for another fight to break out, maybe. Eventually though, Naruto sighed, let go of him, and sat down next to the fireplace. ‘Think I can get this thing burning?’
Sasuke glanced at him. ‘I usually use my jutsu, because I can’t use firestones.’ He awkwardly pointed at his arm (or lack of arm).
‘Boring,’ Naruto mumbled while he took the pair of firestones into his hand and started on the fire. Sasuke let him be; Naruto probably needed the distraction too. He himself walked towards the kitchen, made another pot of tea. His heart was still hammering in his chest. It wasn’t very often that they’d fight without using their bodies for it. They’d fight each other, and if they couldn’t they’d fuck up some trees somewhere. They were the kind of guys to use their strength to get arguments.
But they were getting better. There were a thousand reasons to get rid of that habit, and Naruto seemed to agree. Still his body wouldn’t calm down. It felt like it was shaking, full of adrenaline. He tried to focus on his tea but felt like he’d drop it. He stared at the water heating up, at the cups that were still in the cupboard.
He couldn’t touch them.
He’d break every single thing he’d touch.
He didn’t want to wreck his own house. Not now. Never again.
Then, quite suddenly, Naruto walked into that kitchen. He watched Sasuke carefully, seemed just as worked. He breathed out: ‘Can I try something?’
Sasuke nodded, still looking at the water in front of him. To that, Naruto stepped in a little closer to him. Almost against Sasuke, he waited as if he expected Sasuke to stop him. When he didn’t, he reached out and placed his arms around Sasuke’s waist. Sasuke held his breath, unsure of how to feel about the touch.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been touched.
He guesses it had been Sakura, trying to pull him away from his death in a hospital.
Before that, Naruto, blasting his arms off.
Or Itachi, poking his forehead with bloody fingers.
But it had never been like this. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had placed arms around him just because they wanted to keep him closer. He couldn’t remember anyone ever making him feel this breathless, this safe at the same time.
‘We’re not that good with words,’ Naruto said. Even though he was; Naruto was always good with words. He was just in no place to accept the words Naruto wanted to tell him.
He moved around in Naruto’s arms, until he was looking into those blue eyes. It was just a hug, he told himself over and over again. Just a hug, nothing more. Even if he felt ashamed of the way his heart hammered against his chest like it wanted nothing more than to get out, he placed his arm around Naruto too. He carefully placed his hand on Naruto’s neck, led his face into the crook of his neck, and then he closed his eyes.
Naruto let out a deep, shaky breath go. Sasuke could feel himself doing the same. His fingers ached in confusion, anger. Then, he did exactly what he always did when calming himself down. He focussed on the sounds around him. Far away, the river, the birds, the wind. Closer, the chickens outside, the creaking of his walls, the sound of the fireplace burning it’s wood. Close, Naruto’s deep breaths, his own heartbeat, the sound of Naruto’s fingers stroking his clothes.
When Naruto pulled away, it felt like he was left with a hole gaping in his chest. Naruto didn’t go far; he took the water off the fire and poured it onto the tea leaves. Then he mumbled an awkward: ‘Think we can eat some more strawberries?’
They moved in that kitchen like they’d been living together for ages. Quietly, completely aware of each other’s pace. Sasuke grabbed the sugar, because Naruto had no idea where to find it, and Naruto gave him a smile to melt hearts with. The fact that you’re here, allowing me inside of your house, Sasuke.. Thank you. ‘Naruto..’ the other boy glanced at him with wide, blue eyes. ‘Would you like sugar on your strawberries?’
Naruto took the traveling sleeping bag, while he took the futon. He placed more firefood on the fire, without saying a word, and placed the sleeping bag next to the futon. Sasuke sat up on the futon, watching the night sky, the small lights in Konoha, way down. The other sat down next to him once he’d finished laying his bed out. They probably wouldn’t get a wink of sleep. Naruto was obviously nervous, and he himself wasn’t exactly doing any better.
Naruto, being daring as always, found Sasuke’s hand. Carefully he placed his pinky against Sasuke’s. He breathed in. ‘I dream that we’re still living the same hell we were living a few years ago, almost every night,’ Naruto said.
Sasuke glanced at him, he wondered what that meant. Did that mean Naruto dreamed that he was still living with Orochimaru? Did that mean the period in which the Akatsuki was trying to kill Naruto? Or did it mean that he dreamed that they were kids, getting a low monthly allowance and having no one to talk to? Did that mean he dreamed that the entire village still hated him? Every single year had been a hell for them.
He didn’t answer; Naruto didn’t seem to mind. He leaned against Sasuke’s shoulder carefully, pushed his fingers in between Sasuke’s, held his hand. The touch burned. Every single spot Naruto touched burned and still; that fire had always felt like a home to him. ‘We’re getting old.’ Naruto whispered. He didn’t know why Naruto was suddenly whispering, but he enjoyed the calm it brought.
He chuckled lightly. ‘Old? Maybe for shinobi norms.’ Then, surprising even himself, he pulled Naruto a little closer. Naruto’s nose now close to his jaw. The breath was warm against his skin. Their hands were warm. Naruto himself... so warm. ‘But in the language of this mountain.. we’re still kids.’
Naruto looked up at Sasuke, wide eyed. ‘You’re right.’ He nodded, rubbing his hair against Sasuke’s neck in the progress. ‘You’re right, we don’t even know how to build a henhouse for some chickens.’
Sasuke nodded. ‘Or how to make something a home.’
Naruto pushed his face against his shoulder now. ‘Can you blame us? No one taught us.’ Naruto’s fingertips were pinching his tightly. He swallowed at Naruto’s reaction. Seemed like this wasn’t just his problem. After all this time, Naruto still didn’t know how to make something a home either. After all these years, no one had taught Naruto how to. He himself had forgotten. His mother had tried; she had tried to show him a home with flowers, with cooking, with art, with love songs. His mother had known how to build a home like no one else could.
‘We’ll figure it out. Just like the henhouse.’
Naruto chuckled, but didn't answer.
The touch to his fingers became less tight, until their fingers were barely touching. The pinch turned into caressing. His hand ached, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull back. He watched. He watched as Naruto’s tanned hand moved against his pale one. He focussed on it with all he had, and for a while that touch was all that existed in this world. Even when, slowly, Naruto’s touch stopped and his hand fell onto his lap. Even when Naruto started breathing deeply and evenly. That man was all the world meant to him.
At that moment, even the mountain was quiet.
There were no chickens, no river, no creaking, no wind.
There was just the slow breath of the man he loved.
And he knew he was in deep fucking trouble.
He hadn’t realized he knew how everyone’s knock to his door sounded until a foreign knock sounded through his house. It took him less than a second to be on his guard. He glanced at his sword, standing against his cabinet, and then he glanced at Naruto, who was peacefully sleeping on top of his futon.
He talked himself down; if someone was knocking, they weren’t invading. Probably. He could never be too sure, but he'd be fine without weapons. On his bare feet he walked towards his hall. He left Naruto to sleep on the ground, calmly, with his mouth wide open. It was still early. Not that that was anything to stop the people who could possibly follow him; meaning shinobi and farmers.
He cracked his back while walking into his hallway. He pulled his door open tiredly. Behind that door stood Sakura. Even though she had knocked on the door; she looked surprised to see him. ‘So here you are.’ She said, her voice gentle. He wondered if that was the calm before the storm. She’d probably yell at them later on. Still, maybe not. Sakura looked calmer too. Her hair was cut shorter than he’d ever seen it; his hair now being way longer than hers. Her face was deeper, older. ‘Nice place you have here, apart from the whole falling apart part.’ She chuckled to herself.
And then he thought; who the hell told her where he lived? He didn’t think Naruto would. Naruto was hiding away here, he had wanted to keep this place to himself. ‘Don’t hurt yourself. Karin is staying in the village, she sensed your chakra. You’re not actually that far, remember?’
He just nodded. ‘Oh– She should stay.. in Konoha.’
Sakura just laughed at that. He couldn’t quite place if it was genuine or not. ‘Funny to hear you say that.’
He rolled his eyes. He was in no mood for Sakura’s mind games. There was no way she was here to bring him back. Sakura couldn’t care less about where Sasuke lived these days. Knowing he was alive was probably enough for her; she didn’t hate him, but it was obvious she didn’t want to see his face more than necessary either.
He couldn’t blame her. He would have accepted her hate too, if she’d given him that.
‘Are you going to give me some tea? I walked here.’
Sasuke nodded, turned around and left the door open so she could follow. Sakura took off her shoes and glanced at every spot in the house. ‘He’s in the living room.’ He told her, before pointing across the room. She was here for Naruto, and he wasn’t going to make her search. He put on some tea, three cups to go with it just in case Naruto woke up. When he returned to the living room Sakura was standing on the veranda. She was standing next to Naruto, radiating protective energy. He hated that on her. He got it. He did . She had every right to feel like she had to protect Naruto after everything he'd done. It just felt so crazy, now that he had held Naruto while they slept. Now that he had whispered soft promises about getting old.
He put down the tea on the floor. Sakura was looking at the Hokage’s faces in the mountain; far down. ‘I’m glad you found a place for yourself, Sasuke.’
He doubted it.
‘It’s nothing much yet.’
She nodded, then ripped her eyes away from the view to look at Naruto. ‘He’s been skipping his duties quite a lot.’
Sasuke nodded, sat down cross legged. ‘I figured.’
He could say that he’d tried to stop Naruto from doing so. He could tell her that he’d been sending Naruto away if he stayed to long, if it seemed like Naruto was giving up on his dream even a little.
He kept quiet about it, because he didn’t want to seem like he was backing away from being with Naruto. That was on Naruto, and though it probably would happen one day, it would never.. never be on him again.
‘He’s happier.’ Sakura whispered, as if suddenly afraid that Naruto would wake up. Luckily Naruto was still snoring loudly. ‘He’s happier now that you’re in reach. Just.. don’t make him hate his home. Don’t put your hate inside of his brain.’
Sasuke glared at her. ‘Why the fuck would I do that?’
‘Don’t act like it’s such a crazy idea, Uchiha.’
Sasuke gripped his cup, ready to get up and walk away any second. ‘I would– fucking hell– Sakura, I’m not going to fucking hurt him again. I know he deserves–’
As if on cue, Naruto sat up sleepily. When he realized he wasn’t alone in the room, he went wide eyed. ‘W-what’s going on? Eh–’ He looked at Sakura. ‘Sakura-chan? What are you doing here?’
Sasuke was still shaking, while Sakura seemed calm as ever. She smiled at Naruto sweetly, slightly forced. ‘Tsunade asked me to come get you.’ Ah, so that was what was really going on.
Naruto nodded, like a child. He hated that look on Naruto. ‘I was coming back, you know. You didn’t have to come get me.’
‘Of course.’ She picked up her cup of tea. ‘But I guess that I wanted to see where Sasuke’s living too.’
He tried his best to ignore Sakura by pouring Naruto a cup of tea, then stirring the sugar through it for a little too long. Naruto himself beamed as soon as the house was mentioned. ‘Isn’t it amazing, Sakura? Did you see that coop? I built that yesterday. The plants too. I know you always like to drink that mint tea, so I planted some of those!’
Sakura glanced outside, a smile on her face. ‘I didn’t know you two were into gardening.’
‘Sasuke doesn’t garden,’ Naruto complained. ‘He reads.’
He rolled his eyes. ‘Excuse me for using my time on useful things.’
Naruto imitated him in a funny voice.
Sasuke snorted at how fucking idiotic Naruto was being. ‘Very mature, Naruto.’ he mumbled sarcastically.
‘I’m Sasuke and I read poetry–’ Naruto laughed brightly. ‘Hey, is that tea for me?’
Sasuke shoved the tea towards Naruto, who took it with a grin on his face. Only then, when he broke away from Naruto for a second, he noticed Sakura’s eyes on them. She was smiling, surprised. He internally cursed himself. He hadn’t wanted anyone to see him… this fucking soft. He couldn’t help it when he was with Naruto though.
Naruto didn’t seem to notice Sakura’s eyes. He sipped his tea while he stood up, walking towards the veranda. The floor creaked loudly. ‘Naruto–’ he warned.
‘Yeah yeah, no jumping on the veranda. Do you think there’s eggs yet? Maybe I should go che–’
‘Naruto.’ Sakura spoke up, stern. Naruto turned around with wide eyes, nodded. ‘We should go soon. Tsunade is waiting for you. It’s kind of important.’
‘Oh!’ Naruto put his cup to his lips, then drank all of his tea at once. ‘Sure. Let’s go, then.’
Sakura stood up too. She thanked him for the tea in her own, slightly distant way. Naruto didn’t seem to notice. He looked around for all of his stuff, pulled on his sweater, hung his weapons around his hips.
The silence was killing him.
He wanted to be alone again. He wanted to get this the fuck over with.
‘Alright!’ Naruto glanced at Sasuke, bright eyed. ‘I’m off then.’
Sasuke just nodded. What was he to tell Naruto? Good look? Stay safe? He didn’t trust his voice to say those things.
‘Oh Sasuke! Will you give Kana and the old man our first eggs? To thank them.’
He nodded. He wanted to bake Naruto some of those eggs. ‘Of course. I’d do that anyway.’
That earned him a grin. ‘Alright! Then, I’m off!’ Naruto waved brightly. Sakura, behind him, gave him a short wave before turning back to Naruto to scold him. She hadn’t done so when he was still there; he might as well have been a stranger to them.
On that first day without Naruto, he fetched eggs from the coop, and fed the chicken while doing so. He hadn’t planned on it, on taking care of anything in Naruto’s garden, but it wasn’t much if he was taking their eggs too. That was the first time he actually stepped into his own garden. Almost surprisingly; the world didn’t stop; he just got more murderous stares from the chickens.
Naruto’s watering system was working just fine, thank god, because it hadn’t rained in what seemed forever, and he was not taking over the watering of those plants as well. So as soon as he had brought the eggs to Hirouki and Kana, he sat back down at his veranda, opened his book, and let himself drift into the mountain again.
On the second day, he found himself on edge around dinnertime, when Naruto would usually barge into his house without any warning. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he had made too much food as well. Like, a Naruto-load. He played with the idea of giving it to Hina, but realized that they probably made food a thousand times better than his. Eventually he just put the food away for the next day, accepted the fact he’d have even less to do.
He noticed he was getting nervous in his house. The silence that would usually be interrupted by Naruto’s footsteps was starting to get heavier with the day. Even if the mountain calmed him down, he felt himself looking up at every sound just because he wanted it to be Naruto. This was for the better, he knew that too. Naruto would leave eventually, so it was best to get used to it. He had once thought he’d been incapable of missing people. The most important people in his life had been ripped away from him, and he’d ripped himself away from the ones left. From Naruto. Always from Naruto.
After a week he decided that he needed to get out. He put his book in his bag, together with a bottle of water and some onigiri. He fed the chickens, took the eggs they laid that day, and left his house behind him.
His first meters were with a goal; he walked to Hina’s home, knocking the door. Hina opened the door looking suspicious as always. Then she said: ‘Oh, it’s you.’
Sasuke nodded. ‘Would you like some eggs?’ He held out the basket he’d gotten from Kana. He guessed baskets just went around like that, here.
‘Oh, sure, thank you.’
He nodded.
‘Have you finally taken to gardening then?’
He shook his head. ‘My friend.’
‘The blonde boy?’
Sasuke nodded. ‘Yeah.. him.’ There was no one else. There was never anyone else.
‘Good! You really get around, hm?’ She took the eggs from his hands, smiled. ‘Where are you going?’
‘A walk.’
She nodded understanding, then pointed to a road behind her house. ‘Take that route. It leads you to a higher mountain. It’s a beautiful path, if you’re looking for a long walk.’
He bowed his head lightly. ‘I am, thank you.’
So he walked towards the path she’d pointed him to. The path was quick to disappear. Where, near his house, there’d mainly been deciduous trees, there were a lot of conifers here. The air was slightly thicker and humid. He liked the feeling of the air on his skin. He took off his jacket, placed it around his hips, and kept walking. Thoughts he would usually dwell on now came and left just as quickly. Above his head birds sang loudly; not even slightly bothered by the fact that there was someone walking around in their living area. They were busy singing to attract each other. He focussed on all their different voices. How desperate they sounded when calling out for each other.
The mountain was quickly becoming steeper. He walked without any hesitation. The mountain was slowly letting him sink into its nature. It was a cloudy day, so he didn’t exactly see the sun move; he guessed it was getting late. Not that he was in a hurry. There wouldn’t be anyone waiting for him; he could just do whatever.
But– like every mountain, this mountain had a top. When it came into sight he started walking slower. There, on the other side of the mountain, there barely were any trees. There was a big field full of grass, arge and bright flowers in between them. He breathed in deeply.
Why could mountains always give off the feeling that they knew they were everything. Once you’re on them; the rest of the world disappears.
And then, seconds after that calm settled in his stomach, he caught himself thinking: Naruto would love it here. While that thought felt like everything he shouldn’t have, it felt so right at the same time. Naruto had bought that damned picnic set with mountains like this in his mind.
He kneeled down, got out a kunai, and cut off some of the wildflowers. He didn’t try to match them, instead he just picked them at random. Then, he tied them together with a blade of grass. With the flowers in his hands he turned around again. Behind a tree he saw a deer sneaking away. In that moment he felt one with everything around him; he was just another animal trying not to be seen.
He sat down on his veranda, stared at a paper for what seemed like forever. Inside of him his heart was beating as if he was about to enter the most important battle of his life.
He never backed away from a battle, and so he wrote.
Dear Naruto,
Today I found a field of flowers you would love. If you ever miss the mountain, I’ll take you there. I hope you’re doing well.
Sasuke
Inside of the holder, he placed one of the flowers he had picked. A bright yellow one.
The day after that he walked a long route towards the onsen. He’d been walking for hours when he finally arrived. Sinking into the bath felt like a blessing to his muscles. His muscles, that were slowly getting used to lazing around all day. The muscles he had abused for years. They seemed to thank him for going on slow walks, for the hot water.
The day after he took a walk following the river. After hours of walking, he sat down with his feet in the river, drinking tea he’d taken. The fish swam towards his feet, nibbled his toes. He watched them carefully, couldn’t figure them out. Then he got up again, walked until he’d followed the river to it’s lake. There he stood for a while. He could imagine someone wanting to swim in the river. He didn’t. He turned around again, looked for a path towards his house.
Opening the door to his house, with cold and heavy feet, felt like a relief to him. He felt warm, light. He tried to place it as he took off his shoes. It was a rare feeling he did recognize from somewhere.
Then, like a fucking brick, it hit him that he felt at home.
This was his home.
And once it’s a feeling bubbling in your chest, a house turns into something no one can take away from you anymore.
He breathed out. He hadn’t felt like that in what seemed like forever. The feeling didn’t last too long, thoug, there was a letterholder on his doorstep. He picked it up with great care, as if the thing could fall apart at any given moment. He didn’t walk inside to read it. Right there and then he slipped the letter out of it’s holder.
As soon as he saw the words, though, his excitement was replaced with a feeling of despair. The handwriting wasn’t Naruto’s. It was a big, neat handwriting.
Sasuke ,
Thank you for the letter. I’m glad you found your place. I know you might be mad about me opening Naruto’s letter; I know a lot of things are personal to the two of you. I just think that Naruto didn’t have a chance to tell you, so I’ll do it: Naruto has been on an S rank mission since last week. While I don’t think he’s in danger, we don’t know how long the mission might take. I’m not allowed to share that information with you either.
Sasuke, I’m sure Naruto misses you. Maybe the mountain too.
I haven’t been as relieved in my life, as I am realizing that you miss him too.
Ps: I gossiped a bit with Ino, and she made me include her roadmap on how to make a nice bouquet with wildflowers.
-Sakura
He sat down on his doorstep. Read the letter, over and over again. Realized, that he couldn’t fucking stand not knowing how Naruto was doing. Then, he took the roadmap Ino had sent him, distracted himself with the art of flowers.
In the morning he found himself at Hirouki’s front step. Kana opened the door with a big smile on her face. ‘Hello, darling,’ she said, signing for him to get in.
He kindly declined. ‘I just have a question for your husband.’
‘Oh of course.’ She turned around. ‘Darling! It’s Sasuke!’ He didn’t know where she’d picked up his name; probably from Naruto. Naruto always did talk about him quite a lot. His name sounded nice when she said it; she used it like an aunt, or a grandma would.
‘What does he want?’ Hirouki called back. It almost made him want to chuckle how typical it all was. He’d gotten used to this conversation.
‘I need to turn off the automatic watering system Naruto installed for his plants.’ He said when the old man came into sight.
Hirouki just sighed and frowned. ‘I taught Naruto how to do it. Ask him.’
Sasuke bit his lip. He wasn’t that keen on working in Naruto's garden anyway, especially not if he’d have to explain it. He played with the idea of not asking them, letting Naruto’s plants die, but eventually decided against it. ‘Naruto is– he’s–’
‘That’s right–’ Kana piped up. ‘He hasn’t been around in a while. When is he coming back?’
Sasuke shrugged. ‘He.. he didn’t tell me.’
Old man Hirouki sighed loudly. Mumbled a grumpy ‘Unbelievable, you two,’ before saying, ‘Come in. Kana, can you get him some tea? Maybe some lunch too, he’s skinny. Boy, I’ll write down what you have to do to keep those plants from dying.’
Chapter 4: irori
Notes:
Hey guys!
I got so many positive comments on the last chapter! You guys make me so happy. These times are probably hard for all of us, but seeing your comments really made my days so much brighter.
As you guys might have noticed; I changed the amount of chapters into 8. I won't let go of this story as quick as I thought I would, I'm enjoying it too much.
There's still a playlist for this story, which you can listen to on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3L4H2m7o7eXlRaXzYPYFf2?si=zloKAsY8RQGMth1m9_fMrQ
Oh, by the way: I've been using 'An Illustrated Guide to Japanese Traditional Architecture and Every Day Things' as an inspiration for some of the things Sasuke keeps in the house. It's such a lovely and beautifully drawn book, if you're interested in things like that!
Chapter Text
四
Those days, he found himself bringing flowers into the house more often. He put them in cups, in old pots, dried them on his veranda. After one of his long walks, he stopped in the small village near Mount Oda. He figured he should buy some vases or bottles. There was a market in the middle of the small place. The market didn’t have more than one stand for everything, but that was fine to him. He considered the hours he’d have to walk back, but eventually decided on buying whatever. He bought some extra rice, miso, ramen. Eventually, after thinking about it for what seemed like ages, he even bought a few hair ties too. His hair had really been getting in the way on his walks, or when he was cooking. When he had everything he actually needed, he walked on to the bookstall. The books were piled up without any logic to it. Behind the stall a suspicious looking man was smoking and reading an old book. The man reminded him of Kakashi a little. Maybe, if Kakashi hadn’t been one of the best shinobi to walk around in the country, he would have ended up just like this; selling pervy books or something.
He picked up every book that seemed interesting, read the backs. There were a lot of essays about life or about how to view this world of shinobi. He put them back calmly. He found some poetry books and picked one. Then, completely to his surprise, he found an old love story about two men as well. He held both the poetry book and the novel, eyed the man in search of some kind of reaction. He didn’t get any. So he looked on, with his heart beating loudly. He couldn’t believe his body was reacting like this. Why the fuck would this man care if he was gay? Why the fuck did he care about this man knowing? He didn’t. He couldn’t care less about it. He picked up a traveling diary that only looked half interesting, and then held them up to the man. Who just glanced up for a second and mumbled a price, not a care in the world.
His heart was still nervous when a lady stopped him. ‘Young man! Would you like to look at these beautiful blankets?’
He glanced at her stall, already saying his low ‘No.’ when he saw the dark blood-orange blanket she was holding up to him. Darker than the colour monks wore, too orange to be the colour of blood.
He had looked at it for too long; he realized that too. The lady was already pushing it towards him. ‘Feel it. It’s handmade. And, not unimportant for a handsome man like you, you can easily lay underneath it with two people. Remember: It won’t stay warm all year.’
Like that, he ended up with his bag fuller than it had been in the longest time. He felt like he was traveling again; carrying everything he owned on his back. Instead, though, he was carrying everything to make his house more alive. He was filling the emptiness he’d been feeling, and he hated himself for doing so. He was supposed to be better at being alone. He was supposed to be better at living in cold, empty homes. Most of his life had been lonely. When he felt that blanket though, he could only think of how his mother had wrapped blankets around him when he was little. How her honeyed voice would tell him ‘ You’re always working so hard, Sasuke. Don’t forget to keep warm.’ She’d rub his back and shoulders lovingly. He had thought that keeping warm was useless. He had wanted to spend all his time on becoming as good as Itachi. Later on that feeling only got worse, he had wanted to become as cold as he thought Itachi was. Not one day had he dared to think about his mother keeping him warm.
Once he was home he folded the blanket and laid it down next to his fireplace. The pillows, big enough to sit on, went next to it. For a while he stood in the middle of his living room, staring at the colour the items brought to his house. It felt almost awkward, like someone getting a haircut after letting their hair grow for years. It was, often, for the better. That didn’t mean it was easy to get used to. So he sat down on one of the pillows and took out his new novel. Even though it was far from cold, he started a fire. He liked the way the fire looked, sounded, smelled.
It took him a few minutes to decide that he didn’t like sitting on pillows. He got up, walked towards his veranda door, and slid down against it. He felt the rough wood of his floor underneath him, the safe feeling of wood against the sides of his feet. He glanced at the pillows as if they were untrustworthy strangers, breathed out, and focussed on his new book again. On the first love story he’d ever read.
The walk he took that next day was particularly long. He’d ran into Kana a few days before, and she told him that ‘ If he got bored, he could pick up some things for them.’ He wasn’t particularly bored; but the rhythm his days got by hiking felt quite good to him. So he found himself on another mountain the next day, picking up fabrics Kana was probably going to make clothes from. He brought the fabrics back to his own mountaintop without thinking about it too much. It had been a long day for him, and he was glad Kana hadn’t traveled herself. Still, his feet were sore from the walk, so he turned to head back to his own home.
When he opened the door he felt that he was not alone right away. He was surprised he hadn’t noticed before. He wasn’t exactly busy checking chakras anymore, but he would have expected himself to notice this one from hours away. With the door open, he sensed the chakra. Then, he let out a long breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. One he’d been holding for five weeks. Five, long fucking weeks.
He kicked off his shoes in a hurry, closed the door nervously and quickly walked into the living room. When his futon got in sight he stopped. There – half on the futon, half on the floor – his bright boy was sleeping soundly. His beautiful friend.
And it felt so unreal. Like he would just disappear if Sasuke made another move.
Naruto’s mouth was hanging wide open. Of course it was. He had his arms and legs as far apart as possible, his entire right side open and on the floor. Naruto had made one of the orange pillows his own, and he had draped the matching blanket on top of his left side. Sasuke studied Naruto’s bare side and realized Naruto hadn’t left it like that without a reason. Naruto’s right arm was covered in half-dry blood. The wounds seemed deep. They covered his skin from his elbow to his neck. They must have been much worse, for the Kyuubi not to have healed them yet. Naruto had probably assumed they’d be gone soon, by the way he’d just laid himself down without any bandage on.
He figured Naruto hadn’t been here for long.
And that he’d gone straight here from his mission, probably leaving someone else to fill in the mission details. Or, worse, not giving a fuck about the Hokage not getting any intel.
Sasuke moved to his old traveling bag, the one where he’d left most of his mission-gear, and took out some bandage and ointment. Carefully not to wake Naruto with the loud creaks of his floor, he walked back to Naruto. There, he sat down on his knees, and carefully cleaned Naruto’s wounds. They made Sasuke want to hurl. The idea of someone hurting Naruto reminded him of how he had wanted to hurt Naruto, once. Of how he’d given Naruto his biggest scars; the one Kyuubi wouldn’t heal. Just to remind them both of their mistake. With that sickening memory in mind, he started wrapping bandages around Naruto’s arm. Naruto moaned sleepily, but didn’t wake. He wrapped that bandage carefully as if both of their lives depended on it. It almost felt like he wasn’t just hiding Naruto’s current wound, but also the ones he himself had given Naruto, much deeper.
He wished that he could do something about those wounds. Life wasn’t as forgiving as Naruto himself was.
When he was sure he’d checked every one of Naruto’s wounds. He took the orange blanket from Naruto’s left side, and covered Naruto completely. There was still a lot of blanket on both sides of the other’s broad body. He heard the hold lady’s voice: You can easily lay underneath it with two people. Remember: It won’t stay warm all year. He pushed the rest of the blanket underneath Naruto, so that the other was completely wrapped up.
Naruto moaned another sleepy complaint. Then, as if on cue, he started snoring loudly. Something inside of Sasuke calmed down at that sound. Good, he thought, he’s still the same. He sat down next to Naruto, cross legged, and took out his book. Naruto would probably be hellishly hungry when waking up. Luckily he’d gotten new miso to make ramen with, and he was pretty sure he still had a few fresh eggs too.
When Naruto woke up, in cold sweat and breathing loudly, Sasuke was still sleepily sitting in the same spot. Naruto swallowed loudly, and seemed to have trouble doing so. ‘Fuck.’ He glared at his own hands as if they were the craziest thing he’d ever seen, then he followed the blanket, until his eyes landed on Sasuke. Sasuke had covered his own feet with the blanket, he had been trying to read. Now he only had eyes for Naruto. ‘Fuck,’ Naruto said again. ‘You’re here?’
Sasuke put down his book, studied his friend. ‘This is my house.’
Naruto swallowed again. He closed his eyes with the most relieved expression Sasuke had ever seen. ‘Oh fuck.. Thank god.’ He placed his head in his hands. Tried to breathe calmly. Sasuke didn’t know what to do.
‘Are– are you hungry?’
Naruto glanced at him. He had bags underneath his eyes and he was shivering lightly. He didn’t need food. Naruto needed sleep. He needed to feel calm.
For a second, Sasuke regretted letting Naruto stay here. Sakura would have known how to calm him. She would have known how to heal him too. Maybe Naruto would have felt more at home there too but then– thoughts of his mother sneaked into his head again. Don’t forget to keep warm , she said. He could do that. Sasuke knew how to keep someone warm; she had taught him how to. Naruto had tried to show him these last months as well, that he could still do it. Fucking hell, he still could if he wanted to.
So Sasuke put his hand on Naruto’s shivering body. Naruto’s eyes followed him until the touch finally hit him. Then, when Sasuke’s hand was placed carefully in between Naruto’s scapula, Naruto closed his eyes. Sasuke started rubbing warmth into the man he loved. Carefully, he rubbed up and down, until the spot felt like it had been in the sun all day. Then he moved to Naruto’s shoulder, did the same thing there.
After months of struggling with only one arm, this was the first time he genuinely wished he had another one.
Naruto let out a deep breath. ‘You’ve worked too hard,’ Sasuke repeated his mother’s words. He had yet to find out what he himself really wanted to say. For now he just wanted Naruto to feel at home; so imitating seemed like a good move. ‘You should keep warm,’ he whispered.
Naruto opened his eyes again. Though he was not crying, they seemed bloodshot. He wondered what Naruto had gone through on his mission, what he’d been dreaming about before. Maybe he was dreaming about a few years ago, when everything was hell, again.
‘Sasuke..’ Naruto whispered.
He couldn’t do anything but nod, even though he knew Naruto wasn’t watching him.
‘Keep me warm, then.’
‘I am.. trying.’ Sasuke’s voice broke as he said it.
Naruto turned towards Sasuke a little, and then opened his arms for the other. Sasuke stared at the gesture for a while, before realizing what it meant. Naruto wanted him to lay in his arms. Naruto wanted to hold him.
He doubted his heart was able to take it.
Still, watching the way his usually fearless friend was shivering made it hard to say no. The blonde bit his lip, looked down. ‘I’m afraid you’ll disappear. I always am.’ That was hardly a surprise. Still, he moved closer to Naruto, letting Naruto pull him into his arms. He was careful not to touch the other’s wounds. Naruto himself didn’t seem to care much, clumsily pulling the blanket on top of Sasuke too.
Almost right away, Naruto placed his nose against Sasuke’s shoulder. The other’s, now slow, breath was heavy on his skin. ‘Don’t go.’ Naruto mumbled.
Sasuke wondered how Naruto could possibly think that he was the one who was going to leave. He didn’t know how to tell Naruto how fucking stupid that was. How had his ‘never again’ not been clear enough? ‘I have been growing roots,’ he whispered, placing his arm around Naruto’s hip. The other boy had his eyes closed already. ‘I’m unmovable like every tree on this mountain.’
He only said it to calm Naruto, that’s why he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d never said anything more true.
He woke up to fingers tangled in his hair. That was scary, until he realized who’s fingers it were. Then, it was nerve wracking. Against his back there was the pressure of Naruto’s hips. It sent shivers straight into his stomach. He realized that the other wasn’t just laying there; the fingers in his hair were moving. Naruto’s fingertips moved from his temple to the back of his head, taking strands of hair with him. He kept his eyes closed and tried to keep his breathing rhythm the same as it had been. The touch made him feel cared for. So he didn’t turn, he whispered a soft ‘Naruto..’
Naruto pulled away for a second, and then placed his hand back against his head. Just to keep the touch, the warmth. ‘Morning,’ Naruto replied, sounding breathlessly. ‘Your hair has gotten so long.’
It surprised him Naruto hadn’t noticed before. You don’t notice those types of things when you see each other a lot. He hadn’t seen Naruto a lot for a long time. He had never missed Naruto after just a month. Or five long fucking weeks. ‘Keep going.’ Sasuke mumbled. He felt Naruto shift only to take strands of hair in his fingers again. ‘I’ve been tying it back.’
Naruto chuckled. ‘Like Shikamaru?’
If Sasuke would have had his eyes open, he’d have rolled them. Naruto gathered all of his hair on top of his head, as if curious to see what a ponytail would look like. ‘No. A low one, or just the top of it. Like.. well, you know–’
Naruto hummed, agreed sleepily. ‘I know.’ Naruto pulled his hair lightly. The feeling sent sparks right to Sasuke’s crotch. He almost wanted to pull back in panic. Instead he tried to calm himself by not moving at all. He told his excited heart to back the fuck down. Naruto had absolutely no idea what he was doing to Sasuke. Not a fucking clue. ‘Think I can braid it?’
‘No.’
Naruto huffed, placed the hand that had been in Sasuke’s dark hair on his hip. He snuggled a little closer. Sasuke wondered how the hell Naruto wasn’t nervous about this.
Maybe almost dying kind of puts a damper on that.
‘How are your wounds?’ He asked. Mainly because he couldn’t just sit back and enjoy this quiet. Not unless he wanted to dream about it for at least the entire year.
Naruto shrugged against him. Touching him without a care in the world. Again. ‘Fine, I guess.’
He pulled away from Naruto, turning around so he could see the other’s face. ‘Does Konoha know you got back safely?’
Naruto swallowed and looked at the blanket guiltily. He didn’t even have to answer that question; they didn’t. ‘Uhm– well– I hadn’t been here for so long. I just, eh– I felt like I had left you in the dark,’
‘I’m used to that.’
‘Shut up. I just– I wanted to, okay? I wanted to check on you and on the chickens and the pla–’ Quite suddenly, Naruto sat up. ‘Fuck! The plants. I was supposed to turn off the watering system. Did, maybe, Hirouki come to–’
Sasuke sat up as well, slowly. ‘I turned it off. Your plants are fine.’
Naruto got up anyway, walking (well, limping) towards the veranda doors in his underwear. He slid them open, letting in the insanely bright morning sun. It was still early as hell. The only reason Naruto was awake was probably that he’d slept through the day before too.
For a while he only stared. Then he said: ‘Oh.. they’re really doing well.’
Sasuke got up too, followed Naruto. ‘Of course. I wasn’t going to waste any water.’
He hadn’t earned a grin that bright in a while. Naruto, still looking messed up from his mission, looked so happy now. ‘Right. Just admit you like the garden.’
He didn’t care much, honestly. He cared about that look on Naruto’s face though. Fuck.. he cared about that look a lot.
Sasuke walked to stand next to his friend. The veranda was warm on his bare feet. He tried not to look at how Naruto’s shirt was slightly too big, showing off his collarbones and shoulders beautifully. He tried not to think about how that body had laid against him just seconds before. How soft those callused fingers had felt on his head.
‘Neh, Sasuke..’Naruto was staring at the Hokage’s faces. He looked slightly confused, not quite yet upset. ‘I’m sorry for not letting you know where I was going, or how long I’d be gone.’
‘I’ve been a shinobi, Naruto. You can’t just tell me everything.’ He couldn’t tell anyone, but he’d be especially stupid for telling his ex-missing-nin best friend. ‘I’m not some wife waiting for you to show up again. I know how this life works. You should keep me in the dark.’ He knew, and that hurt slightly, that Naruto’s future wife would get intel on when he’d get back. It was stupid that he had to hide how sick that idea made him. Someone putting dinner on the table on the exact day Naruto came home, while he waited without a clue.
‘Fuck that rule, though. Whatever. I’m going to tell you next time.’
Sasuke sighed. ‘I really don’t care, Naruto, and Tsunade will handle your ass if you do.’ That was the right thing to say.
Naruto shrugged, avoiding his eyes. ‘Whatever. What have you been up to, hm?’
‘Walking.’
Naruto grinned, then turned around to look at all the fucking flowers Sasuke had placed inside of his livingroom. ‘Any interesting places?’
‘Not really. It’s all mountain.’
Naruto nodded. ‘Hm, sure. Take me with you next time.’ With that Naruto turned around, jumped off the veranda with a loud creak and a thud. ‘Ah fuck! Sorry.’ He walked to the coop, yelled something sweet at the chickens. They stared at him with those empty eyes, Naruto looked back at them like they were the biggest blessing he’d ever known. ‘How many eggs do you want, Sasuke?’
‘I want you to stop walking through the garden barefoot.’
‘Fuck you!’ Naruto picked the eggs from the henhouse a big grin on his face. ‘So, breakfast?’
Sasuke stared at the beautiful man. He felt breathless, nervous, and stupid for liking this fucking idiot. ‘No.. I– hand them over. You’re still healing.’
They ate side by side, after Sasuke made Naruto promise that he’d get back to the village once they were finished. Naruto had blushed, grinned sheepishly, but agreed. He was a stupid fool for coming here in the first place, he knew that too.
Sasuke had tied his hair back before he started cooking, and Naruto had stared at him for minutes before finally looking away again. There was a soft smile on Naruto’s lips. When he realized Sasuke was making ramen that smile turned into a grin. Only then, Sasuke had told Naruto to get the fuck out of his kitchen.
Naruto kept the blanket wrapped around himself, no matter how hard the sun was shining. He could pretend all he wanted; Naruto obviously wasn’t fine yet. But that sight, even though he would never admit it, was exactly what Sasuke had bought the damn blanket for.
Naruto ate the noodles like he’d never seen a noodle in his life; as if it was his first bowl of ramen. He moaned after every bite, called Sasuke ‘the most amazing cook ever’ and ‘his hero’ multiple times. Sasuke gave him a playful push. He knew Ichiraku would knock some sense into him.
And then, after a long silence filled by nothing but the soft clucking, Sasuke did something that surprised himself; he started a dangerous conversation.
Something that had always been Naruto’s thing in their friendship.
‘Do you have someone who sleeps with you, in the village?’
Naruto’s eyes shot to his in less than seconds. ‘As in, for sex?’
‘What? No. I mean–’ he sighed, ‘your nightmares were really bad tonight.’ Even though he really wouldn’t mind knowing if Naruto was having sex with someone too. Oh well, maybe his answer would be multi-purpose.
But Naruto just shrugged. ‘I have nightmares every night, bastard. Don’t worry about it.’
‘Well, I do.’
‘No one wants to sleep with me, bastard. No one is crazy like you are. I can handle a few nightmares.’ He thought about how Naruto had woken up in blind panic that night. The other’s heart had calmed down after pulling him in. If anything, he now knew for sure that having someone around would help Naruto. Even if it was an equally traumatized fool like himself putting his arms around him. He wanted Naruto to live with the ease he deserved.
He wanted Naruto to have dreams of them together, laying on a field full of wildflowers. He saved that wish in the back of his mind.
Sasuke stood up. ‘Are you going to pretend you haven’t been here?’
‘Nah.. I think they know anyway.’
Sasuke nodded, and then stepped off his own veranda. It made no sound. Naruto snorted at the lack of creaking, almost offended. ‘This veranda is boycotting me,’ he mumbled. Sasuke ignored him, and then cut off some of the mint leaves Naruto had been growing. He got a whole bunch; the mint was the only plant that was growing fast. It almost seemed to be taking over Naruto’s garden. He placed the leaves in front of Naruto, on the veranda. ‘Drink some before going to sleep.’ He took a small cord from his living room, tied two bundles of leaves. On both cords, he hung a card. On the first one he wrote. ‘ Don’t be an idiot. Keep warm. Grow roots.’ and then, on the other one, he wrote. ‘Thank you for the letter (for Ino too).’ He placed them in Naruto’s bag. Naruto was staring at him the whole time, a big grin plastered on his face. ‘Idiot, get dressed so we can go.’
‘I– what?’
‘You'll get killed the way you are now. Anyway I still need my daily walk.’
Just like he had expected, Naruto walked awfully slow. He’d been all cheer and jokes at home, but he was weak. It was rare to see Naruto hurt, to be honest. He didn’t ask Naruto about his mission; he could guess what it had been like. Silently he wondered how Naruto had gotten rid of his team, but didn’t ask that either. Instead, he told Naruto about the field of flowers, just to keep the conversation going; Naruto was uncharacteristically quiet too. When he had sent Naruto the letter about the flowers he’d sounded desperate, but Naruto could feel Sasuke’s excitement in even the cold tone he had right now. So they talked. They talked, walking the one route Sasuke had avoided walking; the one towards Konoha. Naruto was unsteady and clumsy. Sasuke kept his arm alert, just because he was afraid Naruto would fall over any second, but luckily the idiot hadn’t actually gone down.
‘Look at that fat cow.’ Naruto said, before they had even gotten to the fat cow. ‘He’s there every day. Honestly, he makes my day. Ugly boy.’
Sasuke snorted. ‘And here I thought you came up this mountain for me.’
‘No way. I do it for this cow and our chickens only. I would never for a pretty boy like you.’
Sasuke pushed those words away, they stayed in the back of his head. Being called a pretty boy wasn’t anything new, those words shouldn’t mean anything. ‘Ah, so you like the chickens because they’re ugly. That explains a lot.’
‘Shut up! Our babies are not ugly.’
Ours. Ours. If Naruto said ‘ours’ one more time he’d fucking lose it. ‘They’re the ugliest.’
Naruto pushed him weakly. ‘Ungrateful asshole. They feed you!’
‘I don’t care. They’re your chickens.’
Like that they bickered until the gates of Konoha came into view. The walk, longer than an hour, had felt like minutes. The sight of those gates had never really made him happy, and today wasn’t any different. The thought that he didn’t have to stay, and wouldn’t offend Naruto by it, made everything slightly better though. The fact that this time he wasn’t knocked out and dying was a nice change too.
‘You coming in for some Ichiraku?’
Sasuke shook his head.
‘Alright. I’ll ask–’
‘No. You’re going to the hospital.’
‘Sasuke, you’re such an asshole.’
‘I made you ramen just today, moron.’ He wished they were still sitting in his living room, eating together.
Naruto closed his eyes, as if to remember how that ramen had tasted. He moaned jokingly. ‘Ah fuck– the best ramen ever.’
‘I’ll tell Teuchi.’ Stay. Talk to me just a second longer.
‘Ha! I’d like to see you try while you never step a foot in–’ In the distance they heard someone calling Naruto’s name. Sakura, he realized. Sasuke glanced at the pink hair coming closer by the second. He didn’t mind handing Naruto over to her; at least she could heal him properly.
‘Oh. Sasuke?’ Sakura mumbled as she neared them, but quickly turned to Naruto. Stern as hell. ‘Naruto. Are you alright?’
Naruto grinned. ‘Absolutely fine. I just want some Ichira–’
‘He’s not.’ Sasuke said. ‘His wounds healed uncharacteristically slowly, even with the Kyuubi’s chakra. The biggest wound is on his left arm, it was open until I got home so I’m afraid it might get infected. He’s also limping with his left side.’
Naruto stared at him, shocked. ‘I can’t believe you’d out me like that.’
Sasuke smirked. ‘I don’t care.’
Naruto punched his shoulder, once again weakly. ‘Right. You studied all my wounds because you don’t care–’
‘ Guys!’ Sakura interrupted them. ‘Shut up. Naruto, you’re a fucking idiot. Sasuke, I hope you know you’re only making the Hokage hate you more by keeping him at your home.’
Sasuke shrugged. He didn’t care much about the Hokage. ‘Just get him to the hospital.’
Sakura gave him quite a look. ‘I’ve been getting him to the hospital for years now.’ She put her arm around Naruto, made Naruto lean on her. ‘But I appreciate it. Thank you for getting him home.’
Chapter 5: futon
Notes:
Hello everyone!
I got so, so many sweet comments on that last chapter. Honestly, you guys are the best. Every single one of my days was made so much better by all your comments!
Right now I'm working on my final work, and I'm definitely getting my relaxation moment while writing this story. (I may be skipping writing my final work a little, though, yikes)
Anyway I hope this chapter lives up to the expectations a little!Just like before, I have a playlist that matches the story right here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3L4H2m7o7eXlRaXzYPYFf2?si=SNHhCHIeQnytUC05feeVCQ
Thank you for reading & enjoy!
Chapter Text
五
Naruto still saw the letter, of course he did. Though the flower was probably dead or dried by now, they were still laying around in his apartment. Sasuke had had a small hope that Sakura would save his dignity by actually taking the letter with her while Naruto was gone. Right. Hope was all he got. Of course she had left the letter for Naruto to see, and of course Naruto came barging right through the garden on his first day off, Yelling: ‘Asshole! You told me there was nothing special about the mountain! Then what’s this!?’ He held something up for Sasuke to see.
Sasuke didn’t have to look up to know what it was. He kept his eyes on the scroll he was reading. ‘A brief moment of weakness.’
‘Asshole! Take me there!’
‘Is that what you came all the way here for?’
‘Of course it is, asshole! Take me to the flower mountain.’
Naruto didn’t even wait for his answer, already distracted the chickens, knowing damn well that Sasuke would give in. The blonde was hanging over the railing while mumbling things like ‘Hello beautiful babies.’ Sasuke just snorted to himself, then he got up to grab everything they needed. He wasn’t going to get any reading done with Naruto running around in the garden anyway. ‘It’s a long walk, don’t drag your feet today.’
‘Hah, as if I would. I’ll race you there.’
‘I’ll pass.’
Naruto kneeled down next to the strawberries he’d planted. He was telling them sweet things just like he had with the chickens. Sasuke fetched his shoes and two bottles of water while listening to Naruto’s ‘You’re doing such a good job! I know you can do it!’
‘Are you done talking to the plants?’
Naruto held up his hand, as if to tell Sasuke to shut the hell up, then he went on talking in his high pitched voice: ‘Does this bad man scare you? Yeah– you’re too cute for this asshole–’
Sasuke kicked Naruto against his hip. ‘Get out of my garden, idiot.’
‘Your garden!? Since when?’
He didn’t even know how to answer that. The garden wasn’t his, and it wouldn’t be until Naruto decided to leave permanently. So he didn’t answer. He just walked through the garden, to the front of his house, hoping that Naruto would follow him. There was no doubt Naruto would; if there was one thing the idiot was good at, it was definitely following him.
‘Hey asshole! Wait up!’
Naruto had always been the wind to him. It wasn’t just his element, but the way Naruto rushed through him like it was nothing. It’s kind of.. the way a heavy wave of wind leaves you breathless after it leaves you. Wind is completely capable of facing you head on, and it can be annoying as hell, but it’s rarely destructive. It’s nothing like fire, often seen as destructive. Lucky for them; they had the wind in their backs while walking up that mountain. The walk was easy, light. Naruto was singing a silly song Gamatastu, Naruto’s summoning animal, had taught him. Sasuke tried to ignore the shrill, loud voice. Instead he focussed on the fact that Naruto was with him, that he was singing. The more he thought about it, the crazier it got. Naruto was here.
Naruto’s eyes, and mind, went from one thing to another. A lot of things Sasuke hadn’t noticed (or hadn’t paid attention to) were pointed out by his friend. The first thing was the sound of frogs. Seconds later he picked up a weird looking leaf, he pointed at a rock that looked like a dog (kind of), at the small puddles of water, the rabbits, mouses, purple flowers, a single shuriken, a small path that led somewhere else, traces of bigger animals. Naruto didn’t even bother thinking about them longer than a second. He just pointed them excitedly, with a: ‘Hey!’ Naruto’s brain just worked like that. Sasuke appreciated Naruto for all the things he couldn’t notice himself. He appreciated how Naruto said every single thing he thought, with no filter to be found.
Setting foot on the top of the mountain was exactly like the wind, like Naruto; they were hit by a big wave, the sun, calm. Everything that touched their skin had traveled through these flowers to get to them. Here it felt like the wind was spiraling, moving around them carefully. Dancing with them, even. Naruto stopped in his track, next to him, and stared at the view. Sasuke stared at Naruto. Naruto, who’s eyes were wide and soft. Naruto, who had red cheeks from their walk and a bright grin on his face. Naruto, the only fucking person he’d ever share a moment like this with. He wanted nothing more, in that second.
He wanted nothing more than to just... exist.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt like that. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so, so damn good about the fact he was alive. He tried to burn the memory into his mind. Sasuke could feel his sharingan spiraling alive. Just a second longer. He wanted to live for this moment a few times more.
‘Holyfuck,’ Naruto whispered. He expected Naruto to say something about how he had tried to keep this field for himself, maybe some teasing. It never came. Naruto just set a few more careful steps. He breathed in deeply. ‘Sasuke.’
‘Hm?’
Naruto raised his arms, spread them, then breathed in again. ‘This is amazing.’
As he stared at Naruto’s wide arms he got overwhelmed by how amazingly free Naruto looked. He couldn’t keep his eyes off him.
‘I wish–’ Naruto started. ‘That I could feel this forever.’
Sasuke let his Sharingan fade again. He pulled his eyes away from the blonde. This was as forever as they were going to get. It was already more forever than anything they’d gotten. Except from maybe–
‘Remember when we died?’ Naruto asked him.
‘Of course I do.’
Naruto stretched, finally glancing at Sasuke. ‘This feels the same, almost. Except.. I feel like I can handle it now.’
He got that. That was the exact feeling. Naruto, though, shouldn’t be allowed to feel like that. Naruto had to live, take his endless days of suffering and turn it into the Hokage position. ‘Naruto–’
‘I don’t want to die!’ Naruto said it quickly, as if to make something right. ‘But when we died I still felt incomplete, even though you were next to me. My mind was somewhere else. It was kind of stupid. This time though… I feel complete.’
Sasuke’s heart might as well have stopped.
How do you answer words that hold so much love?
How the hell do you answer something like that without just blurting out ‘ I fucking love you so much it hurts’? Is that even possible? ‘More complete.. and we’re not dying.’
Naruto grinned, and then let himself fall on the high grass. Barely hearable he said: ‘It’s a win-win situation, I’d say.’
He didn’t feel like he could answer that. He felt like he was winning a losing game, lately.
Naruto patted down on the spot next to him in the grass. Sasuke slowly sat down exactly on the place where Naruto had led him to. There, Naruto was already picking flowers. He placed all the flowers next to him, and then started linking them together as if he was making a bracelet or crown. Sasuke briefly wondered where Naruto had picked that up. From Ino? From the children playing near his home? Maybe he’d gotten a flower crown from someone he saved, and gotten excited about it. Sasuke could definitely imagine Naruto going ‘ Sakura holy shit! What the actual fuck? How do I do this!?’ He knew for sure that Naruto had put his heart into making crowns like this one to learn it, even though it was something so small.
Naruto didn’t stop when the flower garland was as big as a crown, he just kept going, kept his hands busy. Sasuke studied the other’s hands carefully. Naruto’s hands were big, tanned, full of scars that had probably healed more than they would have for anyone else. Still they were there.. because Naruto used his bare hands to stop kunai and swords. Because Naruto would punch god in the face without hesitation.
‘Sasuke..’ Naruto didn’t look up from the flowers to look at him. He was nervous, Sasuke realized. That could never mean anything good. ‘Have you ever been in love?’
Sasuke stared at Naruto. Lie. Lie, Lie, and lie again if you have to, Sasuke told himself. He could feel a cold shivers shooting from his tail bone to his neck. ‘Why?’
Naruto bit his lip. ‘Can’t you just answer me?’
‘I–’ he stared at Naruto. He tried to swallow but there was no way he could. He wished the mountain could swallow him whole. He was a fool; there was no way Naruto wouldn’t notice him shivering. ‘I– yeah. Once.’
Now Naruto turned around to look at him, with a grin on his face. That grin was exactly what he was afraid of and– to his surprise– it fell within a second. Naruto’s excited face was replaced by a worried one. For a while, Naruto said nothing. He stared at Sasuke’s shivering fingers and his face intensely.
For a second, Sasuke was afraid Naruto had figured it out. That he would get up, turn around, and walk back to Konoha. He was afraid that Naruto hated him for falling in love.
When Naruto did speak up, though, he finally understood how Naruto had read his face; as sadness, discomfort, hurt, loss. Naruto said: ‘Did they die?’
Because that’s what the shinobi world is like. The people you love die.
Not everyone has Naruto, who keeps coming back even if you punch holes through their chest. He felt guilty for everyone who had tried to save the one they loved with every fucking thing they had, while he had tried to slice his sword through the person he loved on multiple occasions.
Did they die? The man he loved was right in front of him, worried and careful. In that moment he was so overwhelmed by guilt and that he could barely feel thankfulness for the fact Naruto had survived. ‘I– I might as well have killed them myself.’
That wasn’t an answer. It really wasn’t; but that was all he was going to tell Naruto.
He was weak for doing so.
He couldn’t tell Naruto yet. Someday, yeah, but it couldn’t be today. He couldn’t lose Naruto yet.
Naruto breathed in sharply, then nodded. He wasn’t looking at Sasuke anymore. He was looking at his hands again. ‘I’m sorr–’
‘Don’t.’
‘Do you want to tell me about her?’
Now it was Sasuke’s turn to breathe in like this was the last bit of air he’d ever get. ‘Him.’ He said, because Naruto deserved that bit of bravery. ‘I’m.. gay, and I don’t want to tell you about it.’ That was all he could do, for now, but he wanted Naruto to know him.
Naruto stared at him, for what seemed like forever. His eyes were wide, and it seemed like he was holding back some sort of smile. Sasuke wondered why the fuck Naruto was smiling. He had expected Naruto to get confused, maybe even angry. He’d been prepared to fight back some kyuubi-like energy when telling Naruto this.
Instead, Naruto pushed back that smile and said: ‘Okay.’
‘Okay?’
‘Yeah. Thank you, for telling me.’ The wind blew through Naruto’s hair. Naruto had a soft smile on his face. He took another flower, made a small hole in the stalk he was holding, pushed the tip of the flower through the hole and then carefully pulled the stalk until the flower became one with the many flowers in Naruto’s garland.
‘Was that all you wanted to ask?’ Sasuke asked.
Naruto shrugged. ‘I think I already know what to do.’
‘Tell me.’
Naruto stared at the view, obviously embarrassed. ‘The elders– I know I should never listen to them – but they asked Tsunade when I’d settle down. They think I’m.. unstable. I mean, who cares? Tsunade is too and she’s doing great as Hokage. I guess they didn’t want Tsunade as Hokage either, but whatever. Uhm, anyway. I just started wondering if that was what I wanted. I know I have said that I’ve been in love, especially as a child, but I think that was a lie. Then.. when I was fighting Pein, Hinata confessed to me and she fought to save my life. That was brave– it really was. So I wondered, maybe I could love her back–’ Naruto was rambling, Sasuke couldn’t find himself to mind. He hadn’t known any of this. Hinata saved Naruto’s life? He felt jealousy inside of him starting to grow. ‘But I know that it’s not supposed to be like that. I shouldn’t have to think myself into loving someone. I’ve never done anything like that– I like rushing into things. I should be feeling overwhelmed, maybe like there’s no other way– Ah fuck– I don’t think I can explain it but… you just did. To me.’
He stared at Naruto like the other was crazy. ‘I did?’
‘Yeah.. Sasuke. Not with your words, per se, but I still feel… that it should be more than me realizing I haven’t answered someone because I have to settle down. Fuck that.’
Sasuke sat back, breathed a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He felt relieved. Not today. He wasn’t losing Naruto today. ‘Right.’
‘Do you think you’ll ever fall in love again?’ Naruto gave him an innocent, hopeful look.
Sasuke stood up, turned around to look at the trees behind them. This time there was no deer running away, no getting away from the situation he had gotten himself into. He didn’t want to answer Naruto, he didn’t want to fucking talk about love with a man he couldn’t ever hold in this lifetime.
‘Sasuke?’
‘Let’s go. The sun will go down soon.’
‘Wait!’ He turned. Naruto pushed himself up, then bowed down to pick up the flower garland he had made. He stepped closer to Sasuke excitedly. Then, as if that was the moment he’d been waiting for, he laid the garland around Sasuke’s shoulders and draped it around his neck.
Sasuke watched Naruto grin at the sight. ‘You done?’
Naruto shook his head, turned the garland so that all the flowers were facing him. Just an excuse to touch, to be closer, Sasuke realized. ‘There..’ Naruto said, ‘you’re beautiful.’
They fell into some kind of rhythm. Naruto started coming later than he’d done before, two or three times a week, and he’d almost always sleep over. On those days Naruto looked tired. His gaze would almost seem empty. Sasuke wondered if it was the traveling, the walking. Naruto seemed to have promised himself that he’d come over at least twice a week, and he obviously had a hard time doing it. But to Naruto a promise was a promise, even if it was just to himself.
And so Sasuke didn’t feel like he could stop his friend. He didn’t really want to stop him either; he wanted to be selfish for another moment. Having Naruto choose either the village or the mountain would be the end of this, he knew that too. So he entertained Naruto. He put away a bowl of food every night, because he knew that Naruto would be hungry once he came around. He left the second futon where it laid. He knew darn well that if Naruto would pass out after that dinner. On those days they often chatted in the dark, looking at the sky and listening to the cicadas in the garden, until Naruto did pass out. Naruto started avoiding talking about the things he was doing in the village, and so they chatted about the people of Oda, or about books, walks, animals. They imagined what kind of life Hirouki and Kana had lived. Naruto had turned Kana into some kind of amazing retired warrier in his head. Sasuke just laughed at the idea of this old lady kicking their ass. On one evening Naruto got excited about the idea of making Mount Oda’s first ramen stall, even though he knew there were only about five people on the mountain who could come to eat. It didn’t matter. They were talking. And in those moments life seemed to be happening only there, and nowhere else. Until Naruto would pass out, his legs barely on the futon anymore, but a soft smile on his face.
Sasuke had a hard time imagining that he was the one who put that smile there. He blamed the cicadas, the river, the chickens, the wind, the loud creaking of his house. He blamed every single thing that was possibly lovable about this mountain.
It was that futon, and maybe the fact that he was getting used to Naruto’s presence, that made him feel so damn lonely on the other days. He couldn’t exactly imagine it being the loneliest he’d ever felt, but it sure as hell was the loneliest he could remember himself. Probably because there was no distraction. No hate, no fighting, no fear. He wasn’t living life in the anxious blur he had always felt. He was living with all his senses, and they all screamed how much they missed a house full of loud laughs.
But he was also (and somehow this was the scarier part), more content than he’d ever been. On a lonely afternoon, right after getting bored with his book, he could just get up to ask old man Hirouki for some vegetables. He’d take the basket they had given him, and watched as the strong old man refilled the basket with his usual complaints. If there’d been fresh fruit, Sasuke would take those with him to the river. There he’d wash himself quite quickly, only to spend the rest of his time drying up in the soft sun while reading his books, eating. He was reading his love story all over again. It wasn’t particularly well written, but sentences like ‘He longed for the other man on letter-filled nights.’ hit him like no book had ever done before. Loving another man was complicated enough, even without the amazing writing styles. He felt that he rather enjoyed how damn clear every word was. He liked the fact that there was no mistaking that the two in the books were lovers. There was no mysterious way to get around it.
He could have known before, of course, that he always liked straightforwardness.
When the sky started fading from blue to grey, he decided it was time to get the hell back to his house. In the far distance, on the top of another mountain, he could hear some soft thunder. He picked up his book, his towel and his fruit, and placed them back inside of his bag. He tied his heavy wet hair back, ignoring the feeling of cold water in his neck. He walked the same route he walked every week, back to his house. He listened to the thunder and how close it was getting, counted the seconds between thunder and lightning.
It seemed like there would be heavier rain than there had been since he started living here. He silently wondered how many new leaks he would discover.
It hadn’t rained in a while, but he knew exactly where to place his pots so that his house wouldn’t get flooded. Two in the bedroom, one big one near the veranda, two in the hallway, a small one in the kitchen. Stormy nights like these reminded him of Itachi, how they had made the world shake with thunder. Fear. He tried not to think about it. It was just a storm. He should let Itachi’s soul rest. He wasn’t in that place anymore; he was searching for pot’s big enough to catch all the water that would drip from his roof. As long as he was alive and safe Itachi could rest.
He breathed in. Put the last pot down.
Slowly rain started falling. He heard the drips on the stepping stones in his garden, on the small roof of his henhouse, on his own roof, and then suddenly it was everywhere. He left one engwawa door open just slightly, but closer most of the tobukuro. He watched the rain fall onto his garden. He knew that in the language of the garden, rain like this was a love song.
He walked through his house one more time, just to see if there were any new leaks. To his surprise, he’d covered them all. When he was carefully using all his senses to save his house from flooding he heard his chickens cluck loudly. They sounded panicked.
He walked back to his veranda, and saw the chickens fly around in fear. The thunder hadn’t even hit the mountain. ‘Fuck..’ he mumbled under his breath. He didn’t bother getting an umbrella. He grabbed his cloak, pulled it over his head and walked into the rain to see what the evil animals were bothered by this time. They just stood in the rain, staring intensely at their henhouse. Sasuke leaned down slightly. There, in the wooden house, two eyes stared back at him. This time eyes that were definitely a lot less evil. He sighed at the sight. The cat couldn’t be an old one; he was still too small. It’s fur was completely black and it looked as scared as the chickens. Then, softly, the cat meowed at him.
‘Fucking hell,’ Sasuke mumbled. How many strays were going to hide in his house before he could rest?
Whatever; he needed the chickens to be safe. He carefully but quickly grabbed the small animal from the henhouse. Then, so that the cat wouldn’t get even more scared, he pulled the animal to his chest, underneath his cloak. The chickens rushed back to their henhouse loudly. ‘Yeah, yeah..’ Sasuke mumbled. He was definitely turning into Naruto at this point; talking to the animals.
He closed the door to his veranda, got a towel and rubbed the cat dry. It was meowing at him loudly, staring at him with big eyes. It was probably hungry too, but if he’d feed it, it would never leave again.
He walked to his fireplace and carefully made a fire, watching the cat from the side of his eye. The cat simply stood beside him, meowing up at him. He walked into the kitchen for some tea. The cat followed him. He walked to one side of the kitchen to get his tea leaves, the cat following, and then back to the stove, with the cat following.
Another meowing fit.
‘You attacked my chick–’ he sighed. He was not going to start talking to a cat. Not today. Not ever.
The cat was still talking to him though; meowing as loud as he could. Sasuke sighed, turned to the fridge, and got out the bit of meat he still had there. He sliced it into little pieces, the cat still meowing up at him, head bumping his legs.
The cat almost bumped the meat out of his hand when Sasuke put it down. Not that it would matter; the cat would probably eat it even if he hadn’t put it in a bowl, seeing how it gulped down the meat within seconds. ‘I’m not going to help you if you choke.’ he told the cat, before grabbing his tea and going back to the living room.
Of course– what had he expected – the cat was already following him on his heels. When he sat down, the cat sat down next to him. It studied his every move, Sasuke ignored it. He grabbed a book, looked at the pages without reading a word. The cat sat a bit closer. He sipped his tea. The cat came to sit a bit closer. Like that, the cat ended up laying against his legs. The dark ball of fluff was warm on his skin. He studied it’s closed eyes carefully. He watched how slow it’s breathing was. How could an animal trust this easily? Was it because the outside was worse? Was it because they were in this storm together?
He let the cat be, looked back at his book, and started reading for real.
It was almost an hour later when there was a knock at his door. By then it was completely dark outside. He cursed under his breath; he wasn’t planning on letting someone hide from the rain here. He hoped that it was one of his neighbors, but he couldn’t exactly imagine what they could possibly want from him. He was the one with the house that was leaking and creaking; not them. Maybe if there was an intruder… they’d– no, he couldn’t know that.
He slowly picked the cat from his lap. Dark big eyes opened sleepily, looking at him in confusion. His legs were sore from sitting when he stood up and walked towards the genkan . There, he slid the door open with a bit of hesitation. Behind it, though, stood someone he hadn’t expected to knock.
Naruto looked a little lost, completely soaked, and insecure as hell. That last one was the worst. Naruto wasn’t standing up straight; he wasn’t even looking at Sasuke’s face.
‘Naruto?’
‘Ah, uhm– Hi.’
He stepped aside for Naruto to come in. Naruto didn’t. ‘I’m sorry for coming this late and uhm–’ Fucking hell. He pulled Naruto inside by his arm. Naruto looked at him with wide eyes, water dripping from his clothes.
Sasuke tried to shake the look. ‘Moron,’ he said.
‘Sorry for–’
‘You’re dripping. Wait here for a second.’
He walked through his living room, the cat still following behind him casually. He fetched a towel, a dry shirt and sweatpants. Then he hurried back to the genkan , the cat still following him. Naruto was standing in the same spot, still looking lost. ‘Take off your clothes.’ He handed Naruto the towel and the sweatpants.
‘Is that a cat?’ Naruto asked, finally getting some life back in his face. If the cat was what it took; he was thankful for the cat’s presence.
‘Yeah, it’s not mine.’
Naruto raised an eyebrow. ‘It’s not?’
‘No. I’m a temporary shelter for lost animals, apparently.’
At that, Naruto chuckled. He took the towel from Sasuke’s hands and dried his hair. ‘Are you calling me an animal?’
Sasuke shrugged. ‘Do you agree to being lost, then?’
Naruto stopped drying his hair, looked up at Sasuke for a second. To see if he was serious, maybe. ‘I don’t know.’ He took the sweatpants and pulled it on. He draped his wet pants on top of the empty cupboard. Then he took Sasuke’s shirt, chuckled humorlessly as Sasuke turned his eyes away. At least he was trying to act normal.
When Naruto appeared dry, Sasuke turned to the living room again. The cat followed behind him. Naruto followed behind the cat. He kind of felt like a mother duck, in that second; just leading his kids to the nest. ‘I don’t have a hot shower, you’re going to get sick.’
‘Whatever,’ Naruto mumbled, sitting down next to the fireplace. There was no way Naruto hadn’t known it was going to rain when he left Konoha. Something had been bad enough to make Naruto leave anyway. The cat watched Naruto carefully, but eventually just decided to keep on following Sasuke’s every move. Sasuke got the orange blanket, threw it at Naruto. ‘Watch the fire, asshole.’
‘I’m literally a fire specialist, Naruto.’
Naruto rolled his eyes. Then, he pulled the blanket around his shoulders. He was still shivering from the cold.
‘Do you feel sick?’ Sasuke asked him.
‘No.. I’m fine.’
Sasuke sat down in front of Naruto, the cat moved with him. It walked around him in circles, before laying back in his lap as if it’s nap was never interrupted. A lap cat. ‘Any idiot can see you’re not fine.’
Naruto let his fingers rest on his eyebrows, then rubbed his eyes roughly. He sighed. ‘I’m tired.’
‘I know.’
‘I’m sorry for coming here.’
Sasuke bit his lip. Did Naruto not feel.. like this house was a home for him as well? He had felt like Naruto had been leaving bits and pieces, just to claim the house a little. There hadn’t been a day where he hadn’t felt like the garden had been Naruto’s space completely. ‘Stay here whenever.’
Naruto watched the fire. He had bags underneath his eyes. Slowly, his is eyes moved to watch the cat sleep in his lap. Sasuke held his breath. He wasn’t used to Naruto’s silence, to his soft gaze. ‘What if I don’t know for how long I’ll stay?’
Sasuke swallowed. He wanted to ask if Naruto was okay. He wanted to ask what the hell had happened. He wanted to tell Naruto that he couldn’t take care of him, this cat, these chickens; he hadn’t learned how. He could barely take care of himself. He had always relied on Naruto, on the idea that Naruto wouldn’t fall. ‘Then that’s fine.’
Naruto breathed in, nodded. Then nodded again, as if to make sure that he had heard it right. They fell into silence again. Sasuke was grateful for the cat in his lap. Naruto’s silence had him pinned down. He couldn’t do anything. So he just patted the cat’s head, focussed on the soft purring. Far, the rain, nothing but rain around them. Closer, the creaking of his house, the different rhythms of rain falling into pots. Closer, Naruto’s heavy breathing, soft purring. Then, his own loud heartbeat.
‘Hey Sasuke… How do you know what you want?’
Sasuke stared at Naruto, trying to figure him out. What he got was that same, tired and empty look. ‘I don’t think about those things anymore. All the goals I once had are killing me now.’
The cat looked at Naruto. Naruto noticed, he reached out for the cat’s head. It got up, walked against Naruto’s hand with a pur. ‘You know that you’re allowed to want new, better things for yourself, right?’
‘Do you know that you’re allowed to be selfish for once in your life, then?’
‘I have been!’
‘When have you ever been selfish, Naruto? Isn’t it about time?’
Naruto looked up at him. He kept his hand still on the cat’s back. The cat didn’t seem to mind the warmth. ‘It’s not that easy. What even is selfish?’
Sasuke shrugged. ‘I guess I am.’ He didn’t even mind that fact. He meant it when he said that selfishness was sometimes a good thing. He had known a lot of terrible varieties of selfishness. A lot of evil destructive versions, but this one was not it. He finally knew that. ’What do you want, Naruto? Not Sakura or Kakashi. Not some dead hero. Not the people of Konoha. What the fuck do you want to do right now?’
Naruto swallowed heavily. He was avoiding Sasuke's eyes, panicking. He didn’t want to see Naruto like that. ‘I don’t want anything anymore.’
‘Liar.’
For a while after that, Naruto didn’t answer. Sasuke wondered if he was going to cry; he wished he would. Naruto was a cryer, a talker. He should be passionate. Now he waited in silence, That was scary. Eventually, though, he said: ‘I want to sit here with you, pet the cat, maybe eat some ramen.’
‘Then do it.’
‘I am–’
‘You’re not.’
This time, when Naruto looked up, there was something fierce there. Not too heavy, not intense. Confident. He guessed that was right; Naruto’s eyes finally held the confidence they usually had. ‘I will.’
Sasuke smiled softly. ‘I know.’ Naruto could do anything. ‘I know you will.’
There was a breath they seemed to have been holding together. Finally, it was out there. Then, as if nothing had happened, Naruto picked up the cat with a smile on his face. ‘So is he really not yours?’
‘I– He is.’
Naruto nodded, pushing the cat closer to his body. He just purred loudly, apparently happy with all the affection he was getting. ‘Since when?’
‘Now.’
Naruto looked up at him, grinned. The cat meowed at Sasuke loudly. That made Naruto grin even brighter. ‘He definitely thinks you're his mum.’
‘Fuck off. It attacked your chickens.’
‘Awh, baby,’ Naruto was talking to the cat, the moron. ‘You can’t just attack the chickens.’
‘Don’t call him baby.’
‘Does he have a name, then?’
‘No.’
Naruto studied the cat with a dumb look on his face. ‘Coffee– black like Sasuke’s soul– Nighty, Smokey, Sesame– Oh wait, Sesame is kind of cute.’
Sasuke sighed, and then stood up. It really was time for some coffee. Naruto was probably still cold, even if he pretended he was not. ‘Should I eat you two with my ramen? No way.’
‘C’mon! You can be Egg. We’ll be the ramen trio.’
Sasuke turned around, just to raise an offended eyebrow at Naruto. Naruto, in return, burst out in laughter. Sasuke had missed that. Fuck.
‘Nice cat you got there, Egg.’
‘You’re a moron.’ He turned to walk to the kitchen. The cat stood up from Naruto’s lap to follow him again. Sasuke could feel himself smirking.
‘What!? Sesame! Don’t leave me.’
Maybe Sesame worked.. just a little.
‘How could you leave me for that asshole? Sesame, come back!’
Sesame, not knowing what the hell the idiot was on about, just happily meowed back.
The rain didn’t stop, but it got softer. Naruto laid on his futon, watched as Sasuke read his book. It wasn’t that Sasuke didn’t notice, he just figured that Naruto needed this right now. Naruto hadn’t been himself all day, the days Sasuke hadn’t seen Naruto had probably been even worse. So he let Naruto watch him. Whatever it was that Naruto was trying to figure out, Sasuke wanted to give him the space to do so.
Naruto’s eyes were warm again.
‘Go to sleep, you’re tired.’
Naruto sighed. The fire was slowly burning out. Sesame was already sleeping on one of the pillows next to him. ‘I don’t know if I can.’
Sasuke closed his book, moved a bit closer to Naruto. There, he laid down on his own futon, facing Naruto. Naruto studied his every move, until he looked into Naruto’s eyes. Naruto met that look, of course. That was scary. He figured his eyes were just as warm as Naruto’s. Maybe they were even worse. He wondered what Naruto was seeing in his eyes; were they the ones Naruto remembered? Was Naruto used to them? Did Naruto imagine his eyes bleeding when looking into them, like he himself often did when looking into a mirror?
Sasuke looked down, swallowed. ‘I’ll let you in on something.’
Naruto shifted, smiled lovingly.
He waited for a few seconds. He didn’t know how to explain it properly. He’d just been... dealing. ‘Sorry. One second.’
‘It’s already a bit better. Take your time’
Sasuke now looked up. Naruto’s eyes were telling him the same; take your time. They were so damn honest. He suddenly felt that he had to protect Naruto. He had felt it before. He had felt the need to kill people who came anywhere near Naruto. So many times, he had been willing to fight for Naruto’s sake. If only he’d known that this was how he’d get his chance to protect the other. ‘Okay. Listen closely to everything around you.’
Naruto nodded, bit his lip.
‘What do you hear?’ Sasuke asked.
‘Your voice.. Sesame is purring. Eh– the firewood.’
Sasuke breath in. This wasn’t exactly going the way he wanted to. Naruto looked hopeful, though. Or maybe it was surprised. ‘Further away.’
‘The rain, I guess.’
Sasuke nodded, waited for Naruto to continue.
‘The wind. I think I can hear the river too. It sounds different from the rain.’
‘And closer?’
‘I can hear your breath.’ Fuck. ‘I can hear the creaks of the wood and I– Sasuke–’ Sasuke looked up at him. Naruto’s eyes were wide, warm. They held his, as much as wanted to look away. ‘I think this is my first time feeling like I have a home.’
He lowered his eyes.
That was.. that was a lot. Was it him that made Naruto feel at home? Did Naruto mean that he wanted to stay? He had said that he wanted to stay longer this time. That was an outcome Sasuke had never thought about.
River. Wind. Rain. Trees. Chickens. Creaking. The leaks. Pots. Sesame’s purring–
’Hey.. Sasuke.. it’s okay.’
He closed his eyes. Naruto reached out, placed his hand on the side of his head. His fingertips were warm, they followed his hairline. Rain. Creaking-
‘Sasuke.. You’re okay. What do you hear?’ Naruto repeated.
‘My own heartbeat.’
Naruto’s fingers combed through his locks. ‘More.’
‘Your breathing.’
‘Right. We’re alive.’ Fucking hell.
‘Sesame’s purring.’
Hm.. yeah.. and the creaking of your walls.’ Naruto whispered. His warm thumb rubbed Sasuke’s temple.
‘The rain.’ He whispered back.
‘The wind.’ Far.
‘Your voice.’ Close. So, so close.
Chapter 6: onigawara
Summary:
They talk a lot, they definitely still have to talk more. Oh, and there's finally some romance!
Notes:
Hello everyone!
Once again: thank you for your sweet comment. You guys are amazing.
I struggled quite a lot with this chapter? I guess I'm happy with how it turned out though! I'm writing this when I'm taking a break from writing my final creative writing work for my Uni. I physically can not stop writing anymore; if I stop, I'll probably drop dead (I'm like a shark rn hahaha).
Anyway, there's a playlist for this story: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3L4H2m7o7eXlRaXzYPYFf2?si=3cfpyqdzSUuTPPE-I0jp_g
Please enjoy this chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
六
He’d seen a lot of dawns. Soft ones, even. When traveling, hiding, he’d seen the mist rise from whatever view his world was in that moment. Sometimes he’d even taken the time to stop and watch, even if it was just for a second. In those seconds.. there had been nothing. Still none of those dawns had been as soft as this one. In those moments he’d been happy that everything had stopped for a second. Often, he was the only one awake, and he was happier with the world asleep. Now he watched the mist rise from his garden through the crack of his door. Birds were calling out for each other loudly, beautifully, and desperately. Give me a chance. Pick me. His entire house smelled like last night’s rain, and the futon even felt a little moist. It was almost a typical, beautiful dawn. Only there was a beautiful man, sleeping in between him and the door. His mouth was hanging open and there was a soft smile on his face. Naruto snorred and Sasuke tried his best not to add it to the list of things that made a house feel like a home. Impossible; the snores made the anxiety in his chest settle as if Naruto and he hadn’t been away from each other for even a second. The truth still was that he’d left Naruto alone and worried for years; that he had no idea what he had done to get Naruto next to him again. Nothing, he realized. That had been on Naruto.
Yet here he was, and he was breathing. Right, we’re alive. Naruto had said. That shouldn’t have been a surprise, he knew that. Still that statement had hit him hard. They were alive. They were breathing. Naruto was asleep, fucking finally, and he seemed to be dreaming his best dream about ramen.
It was a different kind of soft dawn. The world didn’t stop, he didn’t need anything to disappear either.
He felt something hit him from behind softly. He turned around, watched how Sesame bumped his head against him. He put his hand underneath Sesame’s belly, then pulled him towards his chest. Sesame purred, kneading his chest. Then he meowed. Sasuke hushed him softly. Sesame just bumped against him some more, meowed even louder. With his hand still on Sesame’s back, he watched Naruto carefully. Of course Naruto wasn’t waking up, Naruto would sleep through another war right now. Those blankets might as well have been a sound barrier.
He slowly got up, walked towards the kitchen. The room was still cold. The floor creaked as he set foot on the old wood. Sesame’s eyes widened at the sound but he got distracted seconds after. That too, was a sound he’d get used to it. A sound that made a home. Sesame meowed again. Sasuke hushed him again. They slowly moved to the kitchen together. There he got the last bit of his meat from the fridge, put it down for the cat. Sesame purred as if his life depended on it. He tried to eat the food fast enough to choke on it… again. Sasuke watched him with side eyes while he made coffee. He boiled water while putting a coffee filter on top of his cup. Then, when there was hot steam coming from his pot, he poured water inside. Sesame didn’t wait for him; he licked his mouth clean and then walked into the living room like it was his own. He threw his soft body against Naruto, purred, and closed his eyes. Sasuke looked at the ease of that touch. He wondered if he’d ever have a touch that simple – just throwing himself against someone and falling asleep – while Naruto placed his arm on top of Sesame, let out a low breath.
This was definitely the weirdest morning he’d had, and the sun wasn’t even completely up yet. The floor underneath him creaked softly as he walked towards the living room. Sliding the doors open was like a secret ritual. Red stripes of sunlight coloured the sky lightly. Then, there was light pink, soft blue, and above him the dark colours of the night sky. He sat down against the doorframe. The smell of coffee was filling the living room slowly. Naruto hummed and turned around. Sesame perked up, offended by the way Naruto pulled away his hands. Sasuke could only watch. He doubted he’d ever seen anything so temporary, so breakable.
He told Naruto about his mother. Naruto wasn’t even questioning him, and it barely felt like anything at all. On one day they go out for a walk, like they did on a lot of days. They swam in the river. Sasuke just taking a short dip, enjoying the cold, and then going back to sitting on the warm grass. Naruto actually swam. He floated away on his back, climbed out of the river, always trying to discover new things. He came back with his wet hands full of Zinnia flowers, a big grin on his face. Sasuke’s heart relentlessly skipped a beat.
‘Look at these!’ Naruto jumped back into the river, holding the flowers as high as possible, and then pulled himself up next to Sasuke. Sasuke couldn’t help but stare at the sunny man. ‘I don’t think we’ve had these yet, at home. They’re so beautiful. Ino sent us a flower guide, right? Maybe we can–’
‘They’re Zinnia’s.’ Sasuke mumbled.
Naruto looked at him in surprise, kind of like he just discovered life in space. As if knowing a few flowers made him a fucking genius. He stared at the river, hoping it would give him something, anything, to look at. ‘My mother, she always liked those.’
Naruto finally sat down properly. Too close, of course, and let their shoulders fall against each other. ‘Huh.. that’s amazing.’
‘On some days she would send me out to pick some.’ He felt a soft smile on his lips. ‘I didn’t want to. I wanted to train, I wanted to follow Itachi everywhere, I– I thought she was wasting my time.’
Naruto chuckled. ‘Well I think that it’s very cool.’
‘ Right. ’
‘I swear.’
Naruto handed him one of the flowers he picked, shoving it into his hand passionately. He studied the stem carefully. ‘My mother said that men can never become strong if they don’t have a house to come home to. She told me that the will of fire means that you have something to protect, and so a house full of flowers is as important as any training.’
Naruto leaned in, placed his head on top of Sasuke’s shoulder. He could feel himself burning up. ‘What do you think about that, now?’
Sasuke looked down. He turned the flower inside of his hand around. ‘I think that she was amazing.’
‘Do you feel stronger, now?’ Naruto asked him.
He shrugged. ‘I don’t think I know what being strong means.’
‘Maybe being strong is being like your mother. Just.. making a home for stubborn boys.’
Sasuke chuckled. ‘If that’s the case I might be.’
‘Strong?’
He nodded slowly.
‘Are you calling me a stubborn boy?’ Naruto bumped their shoulders together roughly.
‘Aren’t you?’
‘I’ll be as stubborn as I have to be.’
He laughed softly. ‘You don’t have to tell me.’
Now it was Naruto’s turn to laugh. He did so brightly, effortlessly. The sound knocked the heaviness off his chest instantly. ‘Hey,’ Naruto mumbled when his laugh had died down a little. Before talking he pushed the rest of the flowers into Sasuke’s hand. Sasuke turned to look at Naruto. The stubborn, stubborn, fucking stubborn love of his life. ‘In that case. I think you’re amazing too.’
Sasuke tried to focus on the flowers. ‘You don’t know what you're talking about.’
‘Maybe.’ Naruto chuckled awkwardly. ‘I might be stupid. And I’m stubborn, too passionate, and messy, and an idiot..’ again, that chuckle, ‘and it’s not like I know what a home feels like. Not really. But I think your mother was right, and I think you take after her.’
‘I think we both did.’
‘What?’
‘Itachi and I.. we both took after her.’
Naruto carefully took the flowers from his hands, placed them next to them on the grass. He placed his own hand in Sasuke's cold one. He didn’t say another word, unlike himself, but his presence was as bright as Sasuke knew it. They pretended to focus on the small fish in the river, or on the birds carrying sticks to build their own home. He knew he was just playing pretend. He could ask himself ‘ what do you hear?’ as much as he wanted to; he didn’t hear a damn thing. He felt nothing but Naruto’s fingers pressed against his, the touch of their shoulders, his heart pushing against his chest with a wish to run away.
There were thousands of dead crows on the floor. Some crows had stomachs torn open, their guts hanging out. Some were still looking beautiful, but they were just as dead, cold. Flies were spiraling around his head, as if he was the dead animal. He tried to slap them away but they came back with more. His hands were covered in blood. Huh– Why– In the far distance he heard someone calling his name, a safe familiar voice. He wanted to move but his feet were surrounded by, covered in dead– there was nowhere to go, he could never–
His name was called again, more desperate this time–
That was someone he loved, he was–
He pushed the crows away with his feet. He had to go– The screams were becoming unbearable, painful. It was his name– that was his name, but it sounded so painful, so– he started running, stepping on the crows, feeling their bones break underneath his feet– The flies were slowly starting to cover his face, blood was sinking into his shoes he– He had to– another painful cry– Naruto–
For once he had to– he threw up, black feathers coming from his mouth, he had to–
‘Sasuke!’ It was dark. For a little while. His heart was beating loudly– huh.. His heart was beating. That was good. He wasn’t dead. Not yet, at least.
Fingers were tightly wrapped around his neck and arm. He tried to focus his eyes, but they were functioning as if they’d been bleeding. ‘Just a dream.. Sasuke..’ Another nightmare. That was hardly surprising. Then why.. ‘I’m with you. Keep breathing.’ Naruto stroked his arm with his warm vingers. The touch burned. ‘Sasuke.. W–what do you hear?’
‘You’re here?’ His voice sounded so hoarse, so breakable.
‘Yeah. Don’t worry. I’m with you.’
He closed his eyes, breathed out and allowed himself to lean on Naruto. ‘Keep talking.’
‘Lay down..’ Naruto whispered. He could feel that his body wanted anything but that. He didn’t want to fall asleep again. Not to those dreams that were all so– so much what he deserved. ‘C’mon, I’ll stay with you.’
Naruto pulled them both down, keeping an arm around his neck, and wrapping the other one around his hips. Naruto’s arms felt safe; these were arms made to protect. It felt obvious.
He pressed his nose into Naruto’s neck. Just to give in a little. He didn’t want Naruto to ask if this was okay. So he held Naruto, just enough for it to be a yes.
‘Okay.. so–’ Naruto’s voice was slurred, but still quite loud. ‘Imagine we’re back on the mountain with the wildflowers. We raced the last bit, it seemed like I was winning but I stumbled over a rock and then we arrived at the same time.’ Naruto chuckled softly. ‘Uhm.. it’s a sunny day. Not too warm, but warm enough to enjoy the wind on our skin a bit more than usually. Imagine that– we lay down in the grass and there’s a butterfly that keeps on flying around us. Not annoying, or anything, just flying.’ He pulled Naruto in a little closer, Naruto placed his hand on the back of Sasuke’s head. He breathes out softly. ‘There’s a ramen stall on the mountain. It’s not a shop, more like a… movable ramen stall. It– it’s Ichiraku’s ramen on the go. I order some for us while you lay in the grass– ehm..’ Naruto’s voice softly fades. ‘I got you one with– hm– extra beef. Sesame is– Sesame is on the mountain too– you give him the– hm– some of the–’
Sasuke buries his nose inside of Naruto’s neck. ‘Beef?’, he whispered.
Naruto just moans and sleepy sound in return. He feels the breath on his ear, it sends nervous shivers to his chest without seconds.
‘Idiot.’
After that night Naruto got.. softer, if that was even possible. Or maybe Sasuke thought about it more. The blonde was not necessarily careful with him, but definitely a bit more nervous. They touched more. In the evening, when eating dinner, Naruto casually draped his leg against Sasuke’s. On walks, Naruto came a bit closer so that their shoulder bumped. Naruto kept on petting Sesame, even when Sesame was laying against his lap. He played with his hair and, well, Sasuke was slowly going crazy because of it. Sasuke didn’t know what to do to stop Naruto. He didn’t exactly want to either; but he had to. The whole thing was going to hurt, and would hurt more the longer he waited. He wondered if the words ‘ I’m gay, keep your damn distance’ would do. If those words would make Naruto wonder if there was anything else going on? Would they offend Naruto? Put the awkwardness back into their friendship? He had never exactly understood what Naruto saw as friendship. Not a single day of their lives.
‘Sesame!’ Sasuke looked up to see Naruto pulling Sesame away from the chickens. Naruto’s hands were dirty, he mindlessly smeared mud on his face. That look did things to him. Things he’d rather not think about. Things that came with an ‘forever’ he could never have. Sesame gave Naruto a single offended look and then moved back to Sasuke. Naruto rolled his eyes at the cat. ‘He’s so attached to you.’
Sasuke shrugged, pretended to be reading.
‘It’s hot as hell.’ Naruto complained.
‘It’s not. You’ve just been running around in the garden all day.’
‘Shut up. You sit in the shadow all day.’ He rushed to a different part of the garden, bowed down with a grin on his face. ‘Anyway, it’s worth it! Wait, let me just grab–’
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Naruto, who was quickly making his way back to the veranda with his hands full of... something. He looked as if he was an excited child getting his first present. Sasuke kind of got that feeling; it felt like the mountain had taken them in and was giving them small presents every day.
‘Check this out.’ Naruto opened his dirty hands. Inside, there were a few big strawberries. Most of them were already coloured a beautiful, dark red. ‘Fucking amazing, right?’
Sasuke glanced at Naruto’s happy face, then back at the strawberries in his hands. ‘I guess.’ He held out his own hand. ‘I’ll wash them, take a break.’ By which he meant, wash your hands and feet.
Naruto knew that, of course he did. He placed the strawberries inside of Sasuke’s hand, their hands touching for a sweet second. When Sasuke walked towards the kitchen, Sesame followed him on his heel the way he always did. These days it almost felt weird when he didn’t have Sesame trailing behind him, or Naruto touching him carelessly. That was crazy. He could have never expected himself to get used to things like this.
‘You already ate,’ he mumbled at Sesame while he cleaned the strawberries. He placed them in a small bowl, which made Sesame jump on the kitchen counter. He held out the bowl to Sesame, who smelled it, and decided he was utterly uninterested in the strawberries. Sasuke smirked as he then placed the cat back on the floor.
With two glasses of cold tea and the bowl of strawberries he walked back. Naruto was already sitting, his feet bungling from the veranda. There was still mud on his face.
‘What are you smiling about?’ Naruto asked.
He hadn’t noticed he’d been smiling. ‘You’ve got dirt on your face.’
Naruto snorted as he sat down, put the strawberries in between them. ‘Thanks.’ Naruto said while he grabbed the drink. He chugged down the entire glass of cold tea at once, then sighed dramatically.
Sasuke looked at his feet. ‘You’re an idiot.’
Naruto didn’t have much to say about that. He took one strawberry and placed it in his mouth. His face stood quite serious for someone eating fresh strawberries.
‘And?’ Sasuke asked, mainly because he had expected Naruto to break down in an emotional speech about the strawberry, which he didn’t. That was weird.
Naruto smiled. ‘Almost as good as Kana’s.’
‘Well, that’s good.’
Naruto nodded, focussed on the way his feet bungled from the veranda for a second. Sasuke took a strawberry as well, ate it slowly. It really did taste good. Even better than Kana’s, if you’d ask him. Naruto took another one in silence. Sasuke took a sip of his cold tea, waited. Naruto had something to say, no doubt about it.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Naruto said, then he kept quiet for a little too long. ‘Of ways to keep on living here. Maybe just work in Konoha. I can talk to Tsunade about the possibilities, like, maybe it won’t be forever, but– I want to be happy– uhm… with you.’
Sasuke could feel his eyes go wide. He hoped Naruto wouldn’t notice and– the idiot was still looking at his feet. No. No fucking way. Naruto had a dream. Naruto was stubborn and unstoppable and–
‘If you’d have me that is.’ Naruto said as he finally looked up, straight into his eyes.
His brain crumbled into little pieces. Naruto missed Konoha. Naruto belonged in Konoha. He’d be unhappy if he chose Sasuke over every other fucking thing. It had never been an option for Naruto to stay here and be happy. This might have been a nice vacation to Naruto but– Sasuke couldn’t be the reason for Naruto’s isolation. This life wasn’t for Naruto.
‘Sasuke?’
Wind. Trees. Birds. Creaking. Chickens. He never learned how to make Naruto happy and these few weeks hadn’t proven anything. This bliss was– it was temporary. Wind. Trees. Fuck. Fuck.
‘Sasuke, can I–’ Naruto moved a little closer to him. Carefully, he reached out and touched Sasuke’s jaw just to make him look at him. Fuck. Naruto still had mud on his cheeks. His eyes were wide and so, so hopeful. At that, Sasuke felt breakable at best, he– Wind. Creaks. Where was Sesame? Could he still hear his own heart? Was he even breathing? ‘You make me happy.’ Naruto said again, and with that, he leaned in.
Wait. Creaks. Wind. Stop– Naruto’s fingers traveled to his neck, pulled him in just a little bit. Those deep blue eyes searched for his, keeping him paralyzed, before they closed. Then, Naruto closed the space between them, and soft lips brushed against his. Naruto’s touch was careful, safe. Sasuke realized that an explosion, hair pulling and biting, would have been easier but this.. this wasn’t like that. Naruto was asking something with that kiss. He was stupid for doing so.
He was stupid for not seeing how fucking unhappy Sasuke made him.
He was stupid for loving blindly while forgetting who the fuck ruined the biggest part of his life.
‘I don’t..’ Naruto pulled away shyly, he was blushing. There was a soft smile on his lips and Sasuke– he couldn’t grasp why Naruto was smiling about this. ‘I don’t exactly know what I’m doing. Was that– ’
He pulled away, pushing against Naruto roughly. Naruto followed him with his eyes, a look of panic. He pushed himself to his feet. He had to go. He was fucking everything up again– Wind. Birds. The creaking of his floor as he stood up and turned. Naruto’s voice. ‘–Sasuke, I’m sorry– hey–’ He’d been done with destructive goals, with this kind of selfishness. “Sasuke– wait, talk to– ’ He walked through the living room, the genkan, and eventually through the door.
As he closed the door as calmly as he possibly could, he realized that this was the first time Naruto hadn’t tried to follow him while he ran.
It took him an hour to realize that he didn’t fucking know what he was doing anymore. For his anxiety to settle enough to realize that leaving a home you care about is harder than leaving a home that mistreated you. The mountain, his loud old house, Naruto, they’d given him nothing but safety. He should have grown. He should have been able to tell Naruto: ‘ This is not going to work.’
Before he knew it he was walking towards the windflowers. He realized that it would be the first place Naruto would look for him, but he couldn’t help it. His feet took him there. The field had never failed to calm him. Move , he told himself, just keep on moving. As long as he’d get somewhere he’d be fine.
The entire walk he felt nothing. Deep inside he knew that he usually saw all kinds of flowers, animals, lights. They seemed to have disappeared. Halfway through his walk, the sun started setting. He had never walked the route in the dark. He knew Naruto would probably get lost if he’d try to do so. At that he told himself to stop fucking thinking about Naruto.
When he finally reached the mountaintop the sky was already dark. He didn’t bother actually going into the field. He watched the emptiness, looked up in search for the moon, and then let himself fall against a big tree. The cicadas around him were loud. He sighed, put his head in his hand.
Naruto had kissed him. He’d been so busy thinking about what that meant that he hadn’t even thought about the simple fact. It was probably curiosity; something that had lived in Naruto’s head ever since finding out that he was gay. That didn’t change the fact that it had been a kiss. The thought alone made his heart feel like it was going to tumble out of his chest, onto the ground. He could wrap his heart in leaves, hand it over to Naruto, disappear. Just to get it over with. His heart was Naruto’s, had always been, but that didn’t mean it was the right thing. It didn’t mean that he wanted to be around for all the shit it was going to cause.
He leaned against the tree, sighed. At the memory, he felt Naruto’s hand on his jaw again. He saw those hopeful eyes. Those lips against his. Naruto’s had been soft and warm. His hand had felt rough, like it always did. He’d known the feeling of that hand from their brief touches, from all the times they had touched each other to sleep. All the times they had held each other through blind panic. Fucking hell. He’d never touch anyone like that again. This was as much physical contact as he was going to get and somehow– it was enough to last a lifetime on.
He was woken up by someone touching his shoulder. Naruto, his first thought. Then he realized he was out in the wild. He jumped awake, pulled away from the hand and grabbed it’s wrist. His sharingan spiraled alive. The hand wasn’t Naruto’s– Not a stranger’s either–‘Sasuke, darling.’ A sweet, hoarse voice said. It sounded stern, worried even.
He sat up, letting his sharingan fade. ‘Kana?’ She sat down in front of him, it was hard to see her face in the dark. Had she walked here at midnight? Was that safe? Why was she here? This route was... ‘What are you doing here? What time is it?’
‘Don’t worry about it. I know these mountains like the back of my hand.’ He nodded slowly. He still couldn’t quite get his head around her being here. ‘I was a little worried,’ Kana said, as if she was reading his mind. She waited for a few seconds, for Sasuke to wake up, maybe. ‘Naruto was.. quite upset. He punched half the forest to the ground. It was– well, I stopped him.’
Sasuke sighed, hiding his face in his hand. They were so complicated. He didn’t want anyone to.. have to deal with them. ‘I’m sorry–’
‘He was worried that you never want to see him again. Why is that?’
‘I– I’m sor–’
‘No. Don’t say that.’ She grabbed his hand tightly, held it. ‘Did he hurt you?’
‘Of course not.’
‘Sasuke. Be honest with me. You know that.. I see you as family, right? Hina too, and my husband, we see you as family.’
‘No. I– that’s dangerous and–’
Kana laughed. ‘Honey. Don’t worry about it. Us country folks don’t actually care about those kinds of things. You do know that, right?’
Sasuke couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He did know that, and he believed them too. He felt her tight grip on his hand and felt safe. She was so thruthful. The strength behind her words almost made him think that she would personally fight Naruto.
‘What happened, Sasuke? Did he hurt you?’
‘No! He–’ Sasuke looked at Kana’s eyes, she was staring back at him sternly. It reminded him of his own mum. Something settled inside of his chest. He wasn’t living in fucking isolation. What the hell had made him think he was? ‘He kissed me, and– I mean, he– Naruto wants to leave the village, for– me.’
Kana’s eyes widened, she smiled. ‘Does that.. surprise you?’
‘Doesn’t it surprise you? Kana, he’s supposed to be Hokage. He can’t just–’
‘No. Sasuke, it doesn’t surprise me one bit.’ Sasuke fell into silence at her words. He swallowed heavily. ‘He told me that no one ever loved him as a child, that he didn’t know his parents, is that right?’
‘Yeah..’ Sasuke whispered.
‘Sasuke, darling, he’s always so happy when he’s around you. Isn’t that proving yourself?’ He looked down. She was right. She was right. He didn’t want to hurt Naruto– he– ‘You’ve been putting yourself down ever since I met you. Sasuke, let me tell you–’ She grinned brightly. ‘You can make someone happy. I know, maybe better than anyone, that loving someone for the rest of your life is enough.’ She pressed her fingers against his hand. To calm him, he realized. She was breathing slowly, loudly, too. It was working.
‘He deserves–’
‘No.’
He bit his lip. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’
‘That’s okay, Sasuke. You can just fall back on us, if you need to.’
Sasuke stared at her in surprise. ‘What?’
She laughed softly. ‘Fall back on us, when you mess up, like normal people your age do.’
Normal people his age? He had never been that. Kana stood up, slowly. Said a clear: ‘Let’s go home.’
He followed her in silence, his body feeling tired from sleeping against a tree. The air was freezing cold. He had left his coat at home.
Kana waited for him to catch up, for a little while. ‘Do you think you can be honest with Naruto?’
No. Definitely not. ‘That would be stupid.’
‘Do you think he was honest with you?’ He nodded. She probably couldn’t even see it, but she still replied as if she had. She knew Naruto had been honest, Naruto was like that. ‘Be honest with him. I’ll come check on you tomorrow. How does that sound?’
He breathed in. ‘Scary.’
She chuckled. ‘See? You can be honest.’
Kana had sent him off after kissing his hand softly, whispering ‘ You can do it.’ She’d sounded so sure of it, but when he closed the door he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. He wanted to disappear when he heard the creaks of Naruto rushing towards the genkan. His eyes were wide, red rimmed. It was midnight, Naruto should have been– of course he wasn’t sleeping. Sasuke felt paralized against the door. He tried his fucking best not to give in to the voice telling him to run. There was nothing he wanted to do as much as running away and never coming back. But this was his house. This was… well, his best friend, at least. This was the love of his life, staring at him with those panicked eyes.
‘Sasuke?’ Naruto’s voice was trembling. ‘Fucking hell, Sasuke. ’
‘Kana got me.’ He didn’t know why he said that. There was an endless list of things that were better to say. Like, sorry. Or, I want you to be happy. Or, I fucking love you so much it hurts. Maybe not that one. ‘Naruto I–’
‘Why did you run?’
There was a hint of anger in Naruto’s voice, but it was small. The sound of his voice was more.. cold, disappointed. He’d fucked up, he realized. He’d fucked up enough to replace all of those nervous laughs with this . He even couldn’t answer. Why the fuck did he always run away? Was he really that damn scared?
Naruto went on. ‘I want to know. Because I don’t fucking know how– I don’t know how careful I have to be for you to stop running anymore. What can I do, Sasuke? What can I do to make you talk to me?’ Ah.. desperate too, it seemed.
He choked up. He’d been too much, he knew that already. He had just wished that.. Naruto didn’t think the same thing. ‘You don’t have to deal with me, Naruto.’ His voice was so weak compared to Naruto’s. This was not how he wanted this to–
‘I want to! I want to deal with you, asshole, I want to fucking be with you every second of the day! Get it through that head of yours.’ Naruto stepped into the genkan a little further, as if he was daring Sasuke to do the same. He didn’t. ‘I know you don’t want to lose anyone else, Sasuke, but I have to know–’ Naruto looked at his scarred hand, swallowed. ‘You don’t have to be with me. You can forget the kiss, if you want to, but you can’t fall back. I know that there’s some other guy you love. I know that I don’t compare. Or that, maybe, you’re still mourning, but you have to tell me–’
‘There’s no other guy.’ he blurred out. Then he felt stupid for it.
Naruto stared at him, his mouth open. ‘You said.. you were in love with someone.’
Sasuke tried to swallow, failed. He couldn’t keep his eyes off Naruto. Be honest with him, Kana’s voice whispered in the back of his head. ‘ I did. I am.’
If anything, Naruto seemed to feel more panic than he had before. ‘What? What do you mean?’
A fire seemed to awake in him at the sight of Naruto’s lost eyes. Naruto wanted him. He could either grab his chance or fuck it up again. ‘There’s no one else. It’s always been you. Who the fuck else could there be? There’s only you.’
He had expected some kind of relief in Naruto’s face when he looked up, maybe even a soft smile. Instead Naruto seemed even more hurt. He walked up to him and pushed him against the door, fire in those eyes. ‘You said you killed the one you love. What the fuck does that mean, then?’
So that's what this was about. Well, he hadn’t exactly been lying at the time.
He went face to face with Naruto, his back still roughly pushed against the wood of his door. ‘I said I might as well have killed him myself, and I did! Naruto, you can’t get around the fact that I– I tried to–’
‘Shut up! I forgave you already.’
‘But I can’t do that, Naruto. I’m not like you. It’s not that simple.’
Naruto tightened his grip on his collar, their faces an inch away from each other. Naruto was trembling. ‘Then make it up to me, asshole.’ They’d been doing so well, Sasuke thought. They’d been so calm.
‘I’m trying! I’m trying to let you live your dreams. I’m trying to keep you from fucking everything up just because of me. Again.’
‘Fuck you! I’d do it all fucking over aga–’Naruto stopped in the middle of his sentence, then breathed in deeply. He seemed to be calming himself. Good. Sasuke listened to the breath carefully. Then, he focussed on the sound of the river, far away. They could do this. They’d been good. ‘Sasuke..’ Naruto said breathily. It made Sasuke’s chest erupt. ‘You told me to be selfish, when I came here a few weeks ago.’
‘I– I did.’
‘Then, Sasuke– for fuck sake– give me what I want.’ Naruto’s grip softened, so did his eyes. They now seemed, even if it was just a little, hopeful. ‘Let me come home to you, from now on.’ Give me what I want. That was all he wanted. He wanted to make this right.
He wanted to– he grabbed Naruto by his collar and turned them around. Naruto breathed in sharply as his back hit the wood. ‘You’re so stubborn–’ He whispered against Naruto’s temple.
Naruto let out a shaky breath, not yet a chuckle, remembering the conversation they’d had at the riverside. ‘Give me a home, then.’ This was happening.
Be honest, he told himself. Be as fucking honest as you can. And so he was honest in the only way he could think of; he slid his nose from Naruto’s temple to his nose, and then pushed their lips together carefully.
Naruto reacted instantly, pulling Sasuke in by the neck, pulling their bodies against each other desperately. He opened his mouth, wanting to be closer, wanting evrything he could get. Breathing onto Naruto's lips, he pushed his hips forward– Naruto’s head bumped against the wood. Sasuke pulled back, whispered: ‘Sorry–’
The other pulled him back in without a second thought, kissing him as deeply, sliding his hand underneath Sasuke’s shirt, caressing his hip and letting his hands rest there. ‘You’re cold,’ he breathed out, their lips barely apart.
Sasuke placed his hand on Naruto’s cheek, kept them close. ‘It’s okay.’
‘L-let’s go inside.’
They walked into the living room with their hands softly touching, not yet holding onto each other. Naruto started the fire; the house was almost as cold as it was outside. Naruto obviously hadn’t exactly spent his night getting cozy. Sesame, in his turn, had. He was laying on one of the pillows and only got up when he noticed Sasuke was home. Just to lay down on his lap as soon as Sasuke sat down, of course.
Naruto chuckled at the sight. He got the orange blanket and placed it around Sasuke’s shoulders. In silence, he sat down against Sasuke, their sides touching He reached out for Sasuke’s hand, slowly. He let Naruto, let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when warm fingers were wrapped around his.
Naruto used his free hand to caress Sesame softly.
Sasuke bumped his shoulder against Naruto; could only stare. ‘Jerk,’ he mumbled. He added that second to the list of moments in which he missed his arm.
Naruto laughed breathily. ‘I’m petting him for two.’
‘Right,’ Sasuke mumbled.
After that, they fell into silence again. Naruto studied Sesame, while Sasuke got lost in the sight of the fire. In his own thoughts, too, a little.
‘Naruto.’ Sasuke followed the soft movements of Naruto’s hand with his gaze. ‘I– I need you to promise me something, if we’re going to do this.’
Naruto hummed in agreement, glanced at his face. ‘Anything.’
He didn’t know if it was simple as that. Still he said: ‘If I ever make you unhappy, or if you change your mind, you have to tell me.’
‘That won’t happen.’
He frowned. ‘Naruto. Promise me.’
Naruto squeezed his hand. ‘I– Okay.. I promise to tell you if I’m unhappy.’
Sasuke leaned his head against Naruto’s shoulder. Nodded silently. ‘Thank you.’
He woke up from the sound of someone talking in the door opening. He opened his eyes slowly. The room was bright and warm, the door to the veranda wide open. It was probably midday already. ‘–still sleeping, uhm, but we worked it out. Yeah, it’s fine now.’
A warm feeling settled in his chest. They worked it out. They were going to figure this out together. ‘I’m glad to hear that, sweetheart. Will you be living here?’ Kana. That’s right. Kana came to check up on him.
He heard Naruto’s soft laugh. ‘For the time being, definitely.’
‘I’m glad to hear that.’ He could imagine Naruto rubbing the back of his neck shyly, his face slightly red. ‘It’s not a secret that my husband and I care about Sasuke, so I’ll tell you this ones: take good care of him.’ Sasuke smiled, closed his eyes again. Maybe they would be fine. He’d known from the start that this mountain has its own protectors. Protectors stronger than any onigawara .
‘You can count on me! I promise, and I never go back on a promise. Thank you so much, Kana. I don’t know how to– actually– wait here for one second!’ Sasuke opened his eyes as he heard Naruto storm through the living room, towards the garden. He watched as Naruto picked a few strawberries. Warm, he felt nothing but warm. Naruto looked up proudly, then blushed when he saw Sasuke looking at him. ‘You’re awake!’, Naruto whisper-yelled.
Sasuke shrugged, pulled the blankets up a little higher. ‘Hn, and I heard all the embarrassing things you just said.’
Naruto snorted, said: ‘I’m not embarrassed!’ With that he jumped back onto the veranda with his muddy feet. The veranda creaked a complaint.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. ‘Naruto, please don–’ Naruto barged into the living room without a single worry, bringing mud into his house. Sasuke sighed. He was starting to think that Naruto was really a hopeless case. Naruto was lucky that yesterday’s touches were still in his mind; he’d fight for his veranda.
‘Kana!’ Naruto yelled. ‘We have our own strawberries! These are for you.’
He heard Kana thank Naruto kindly, with a sweet laugh, and then leave. Naruto walked back into the living room with a smirk on his face. He kneeled down next to Sasuke, leaning down. Sasuke stopped him. ‘I swear to fucking god Naruto, if you get mud on the futon–’
‘Then what?’
‘Just don’t.’
‘Get off the futon then!’ Naruto pushed Sasuke, laughing loudly. Sasuke rolled around, realizing that stubbornness would only get him nothing but a dirty futon. The floor creaked until he was laying beside the futon, almost in the door opening. Naruto laughed and laid down next to him. ‘C’mon,’ Naruto mumbled cheekily, pulling him into his arms a little further.
Sasuke gave in to Naruto’s sweet touch. ‘You’re sweaty,’ he complained.
‘I’m working hard to feed my family.’
‘What? You had to fight the chickens over some eggs again?’
Naruto laughed. ‘It’s honest work, Sasuke.’
He rolled his eyes, letting himself sink into Naruto’s hug a little further. ‘Hm, right . Of course it is.’
Notes:
I have a tumblr: @alternateuniverse-coffeeshops
and an instagram: @feluijtenSee you next chapter!
Chapter 7: shoji
Summary:
Get ready for some SOFT SHIT.
Also: there will be some NSFW in this chapter! If you don't like to read about sex, please skip the part that starts with 'they showed Iruka off at the door'. <3
Notes:
Hello sweethearts!
This chapter took me quite a bit longer than my other chapters. I did finish my manuscript for my school though! (I stressed so much!)
I have a playlist for this story on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3L4H2m7o7eXlRaXzYPYFf2?si=bMPhlIdeSXqGGpdn6ZKm0w
Once again, I use the book 'An Illustrated Guide to Japanese Traditional Architecture and Every Day Things' as an inspiration for this books.
You can read the Issa poems right here: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50983/selected-haiku-by-issa. For the story by Yasunari Kawabata I don't have any link or reading material, I used the description from a dutch book I was reading about Japanese architecture, hahah (that one is called 'Het Wolken Paviljoen, if I have any dutch readers haha, (Hoi!))If you'd like, you can follow me of tumblr @alternativeuniverse-coffeeshops and on instagram @feluijten <3
I hope you'll enjoy this!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
七
He wanted to meet Naruto halfway. He had expected that to be.. well, complicated at least. At this point Naruto could have asked quite a lot, and he would have accepted. Every morning he woke up and he realized he had slept. They had pushed their futons together, and Naruto had developed a habit of stroking figures against his skin. Often, Naruto’s fingers would trace his back. Sometimes mindlessly, drawing as if it was a mantra, but on other nights he’d draw a house, animals or flowers. He’d ask: ‘What am I drawing?’ Sasuke would close his eyes, sigh, and ask Naruto to draw it again. There they were; Naruto drawing the obvious, Sasuke pretending not to know. For a while they pretended to have nothing else to talk about.
‘One more time.’
‘C’mon! It’s not that hard!’
‘No. It’s the house and Sesame. I know.’
Naruto pushed him onto his back. ‘Asshole, you know?!’
Sasuke laughed softly. ‘What, are you complaining?’
‘Yes! I could have drawn a lot more. I could have drawn a– wait, I’m not letting you in on my ideas.’
Sasuke rolled his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. ‘You’re really hurting my feelings.’
Naruto pushed Sasuke on his back, sat down on his stomach. ‘Okay, don’t look– and don’t use your sharingan’
Sasuke rolled his eyes as Naruto pressed his fingertip to his chest. Naruto’s fingertip stroked a butterfly onto his skin. His face stood serious, he absent-mindedly licked his lower lip. He gave the butterfly fucking eyes and a smile. ‘Now, what did I draw?’
He stared at Naruto, wishing the other would move just a little closer, or just a little lower. ‘I want to kiss you.’
He doubted he’d ever seen Naruto grin so brightly. His neck slowly ran red. ‘Well, first you have to guess the secret invisible draw–’
‘It’s a butterfly.’
‘How did you–’
Sasuke pulled Naruto down by his neck, softly pressed his lips to the other’s. Naruto seemed surprised at worst, kissed him back within a second. It was a short kiss, but a sweet one. Naruto nuzzled his nose against his, leaned down a little further to nuzzle his nose in Sasuke’s hair. Naruto’s burning fingertips were now on his shoulder, caressing him a little nervously. Or maybe more.. excitedly.
‘Hm, the drawing is getting a little abstract there,’ he mumbled.
Naruto laughed and pushed Sasuke jokingly. ‘Shut up.’
Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s wrist, pushed him off and then put his arm around him.
‘What are you doing?’ Naruto asked, hints of his earlier laugh still there.
Sasuke pushed his nose against Naruto’s neck. ‘Saving the world from getting more terrible art.’
‘Oy, asshole!’ Naruto turned himself around aggressively, lost his fight when he found Sasuke’s eyes staring at him. He could do nothing but stare back, smile a little. He leaned forward slowly, pecked Sasuke on the lips softly. When he pulled back, he bit his lip. ‘Hey Sasuke, I’ve been thinking.’
‘Oh no. That can’t be good.’
Naruto chuckled. ‘Be serious!’ Except, he kind of was.
Naruto thinking about something usually ended in changes. Or questions he couldn’t answer. Or in confessions he couldn’t handle. Sasuke didn’t want any of those things right now; he wanted to live in this moment. He pretended it was a joke, of course he did, but he could feel his heart skipping.
He wondered if Naruto wanted to go to Konoha. Or if he wanted to– ’Maybe we can invite Iruka over for dinner.’
Sasuke looked up, quicker than he had wanted to do.
‘You look nervous,’ Naruto pointed out.
‘I’m not.’
‘Be honest, please. We don’t have to if you think it’s a bad idea.’ Sasuke nodded. He didn’t think it was a bad idea, not really. Naruto continued. ‘I’ve been sending him a lot of letters and he’s.. very glad I’m here with you. I think he hasn’t asked himself because Iruka isn’t the kind of guy to push, but he would probably really appreciate it.’
‘Hm.. he would.’
‘We don’t have to–’
‘No. It’s fine. Ask him.’
The grin he earned was blinding. How could he ever sleep when Naruto was so fucking bright? What had he done to deserve that grin? He stared at Naruto for a few seconds longer. ‘Yeah, I’ll ask him.’ At that Naruto sat up, excitedly. Cold air rushed through their bed.
‘Naruto,’ he said. ‘It can wait. Come lay down.’
Naruto stared down at him for a second, then smiled shyly. ‘Sorry. I get too excited.’
‘Yeah, I know you do.’ He opened his arm and Naruto placed himself on top of it carefully, resting his neck against Sasuke’s bicep. Then he pushed his legs in between Sasuke’s, tangling their feet together. ‘It’s nice.’
‘What? My sweaty feet?’ Yes. That too.
‘No, you moron; your excitement.’
After a few letters, Naruto decided he wanted to go pick Iruka up. He would go say hi to some of his other friends in the village, maybe pick up some Ichiraku for lunch, and then walk back to Oda with Iruka. His thoughts on Naruto strolling through Konoha changed with the minute. One moment he feared that Naruto would realize how much he missed Konoha, the next he would feel like this was perfect. The fact that Naruto could just go to Konoha whenever was quite calming. The choice they had made seemed a bit smaller, now that Naruto just said he’d spend a day in Konoha with his friends. He tried to stick with that thought.
For one of the first times those weeks Naruto had put on some proper clothes. His shirt was orange, non the less, but it was more than just sweatpants and his gardening shirt. Sasuke had taken a liking to Naruto’s gardening outfit, to the way he was always covered in mut, but it was quite nice to see Naruto looking put together too.
Naruto looked nervous.
‘What’s up?’
The other seemed shocked that he’d noticed the nerves. He shrugged. ‘It’s stupid.’
‘I don’t mind stupid,’ he joked. ‘Obviously.’
Naruto laughed, kicked him halfheartedly. ‘You’re stupid.’
‘I agree, seeing how am living with you on top of a mountain.’
Naruto laughed again, but this time he pulled Sasuke into his arms. At first in his obnoxious, hyper way, but soon the hug turned into something soft. He just let Naruto be, not really knowing what the hell this was all about. It was only a day. They’d missed each other for months, years.
This was different, he knew that too. But Naruto would come home to him.
‘I’m so lucky.’ Naruto mumbled into Sasuke’s neck.
Naruto had been far from lucky. He’d been hard working, and happy, and so much more but not– not luck. ‘I don’t know–’
‘That I get to hear you cracking jokes, see you laugh.. I’m lucky as hell.’
Sasuke pushed Naruto away, just lightly. ‘Shut up.’
Naruto backed off while laughing, making sure to keep holding his hand. He locked their fingers together tightly, as if he wasn’t planning on ever letting go. As if he was planning on staying there, in the door opening, for the rest of their lives. ‘Sasuke.. ehm.. do you think Iruka is still proud of me? I– I wanted to make him proud so bad–’ He wanted to show Iruka, the first person who hadn’t made fun of him when he said he wanted to become hokage, that he could do it.
He didn’t know what to tell Naruto.
A while back he told Naruto to go back, to become Hokage as quickly as possible. These days they didn’t really talk about it anymore. Naruto kept his options open, he guessed, but he wasn’t working for it hard enough to get the position right away.
He wasn’t the same he was a while ago either. He had realized that no one could choose what made Naruto happy, not the village, not him. He’d stopped convincing Naruto to go back to Konoha for the sake of his pride, but he didn’t yet know if it was the right thing to do.
‘You know..’ He looked up at the sky. It was getting warmer with the day, and the early morning sun was already bright. ‘My dad was so proud of everything Itachi achieved, when we were young. So much so that he sometimes forgot that I– that I even existed.’ He glanced at Naruto, who was looking back with wide eyes. Naruto’s thumb stroked his index finger. He distracted himself with the feeling. ‘But Itachi was, at a young age, already sad. He wasn’t the way you know him, not that sad, but he was definitely unhappy underneath his smiles.’
Naruto let his hand go, and then pushed a few strokes of hair behind Sasuke’s ear. He left his hand to rest on his neck, his fingertips touching the other’s jaw.
‘I hate knowing that. I hate knowing that Itachi, at his happiest, was being pushed by my father’s pride and I– I think my dad should have been proud of the soft smiles Itachi gave his family. More than anything. I–’ Naruto, close to him, swallowed. ‘I think Iruka would be that kind of dad. The kind who’ll be proud if you come home smiling, no matter where you’ve been. He wouldn’t have taken you in if he wasn’t.’
Naruto stared at him, wide eyed, still. Then, finally, he smiled. His eyes were a little wet, he bit his lip trying not to cry. ‘You’re right– I just–’
Sasuke rolled his eyes. ‘Why do you always cry over stuff like this?’
At this the blonde laughed even brighter, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand, like a child. ‘They’re tears of happiness! Let me be!’ Naruto grabbed his face in between both hands. ‘Fuck you! You’re so good to me, what the fuck. Since when do you even say more than two words–’
‘I speak when it’s important.’
‘Oh, fuck you. You’re so amazing.’ At that, Naruto leaned in, planted a heavy kiss on his lips. Naruto was smiling against his lips, Sasuke had to hold back from doing the same. ‘Thank you.’
He rolled his eyes. ‘I get it, now leave already.’
Naruto snickered, placed another kiss on his jaw. ‘I’m leaving.’
‘Don’t leave people waiting.
Naruto chuckled, snuggled his nose against Sasuke’s neck. ‘You’re distracting.’ With that, he pulled away and breathed in sharply. ‘Okay. I’m leaving.’
‘Go, idiot.’
He grinned, nodded and then turned around. ‘See you tonight!’
He waved while clumsily looking over his shoulder. Sasuke couldn’t help but smile at that. Tonight. Naruto would be back in no time, and knowing Naruto, everyone in Konoha would know about them by then.
A day without Naruto, and one so much different than the ones he’d always known. Once Naruto was out of his sight he turned to get back inside, closed the door, and stood still in the hallway. He looked at Sesame, who was sleeping on the engawa in the bright sun. Slowly, he made his way towards the living room. Naruto and Iruka would probably be back around six. That gave him more than enough time to do whatever. He sat down next to Sesame, his feet dangling from the veranda lightly. He let himself fall back, stared at the small wooden roof above his head. The cicadas seemed louder today. He looked back into his room, at his books. He should have asked Naruto to bring a new one. He’d been distracted enough by Naruto to forget that he had almost read everything he had laying around.
Sesame jawned, and stretched. Sasuke stared at him, sighed. They were one and the same, him and the cat; slow. He glanced at his books again. ‘Don’t worry, spiders, I keep the house, casually.’ he recited from his Kobayashi selection. Sesame, at that, got up and put himself down on top of Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke huffed softly, he could feel a smile forming. ‘Lazy.’ He mumbled at the cat, who only purred in return. ‘ Having slept, the cat gets up, yawns, goes out to make love, ’ he recited again. ‘Is that about you, hm?’ Sesame meowed, Sasuke let his head fall back to look at the roof again. He thought about how Naruto would laugh at him for talking to Sesame like this. He thinks about how Naruto would ask him to recite emotional poems over and over again, if he’d ever catch him doing such a thing.
Kana came around later that day. She was holding a paper bag, which she brought into his kitchen once he’d invited her in. By now she walked around his house unapologetically, like she probably did at all the neighbors houses. It reminded him of how he used to run into the houses of his aunts all the time; those days it had felt like all the Uchiha’s houses were his a little. ‘I got you salmon,’ she said. ‘You’re making sushi, right?’
‘Yes, thank you.’
She nodded, taking one piece of salmon from it’s bag and placing it on a plate. Sasuke watched her as she moved through his kitchen to get the sharpest knife she could find. ‘You should get some better knives. These knives bring shame to such a good fish.’
He nodded. ‘Right.’
‘Watch me carefully.’
He stood behind her, looked over her shoulder. ‘You don’t have to. I can do it.’
‘Can you, really?’
‘I– I think so.’
She sighed heavily. She said ‘I’ll do it one time.’ and then put the knife to the pink fish.
Sasuke, in his turn, let his Sharingan spiral alive. He wouldn’t hear the last of this if he couldn’t copy her perfectly. When Kana noticed this, she laughed lightly. The first time she’d seen Sasuke’s eye was on the night she had come to get him from the wildflower field; he’d felt threatened. She hadn’t been faced, or she just hadn’t shown it.
She started slicing off the lighter part from the side. She cut that in small pieces, and placed them in one bowl. ‘This part is for your cat. You don’t want to give it to your guest.’
‘Right.’ He mumbled.
She nodded, then cut the salmon in half, and then into a quarter. That piece, she turned around. She watched the darker side of the salmon with a frown, then cut that part off as well. Sasuke watched her breathlessly, he was figuring out different ways to be skilled every day. It made him feel like he had wasted so much time.
When there was nothing but soft pink fish, Kana started cutting the fish into long pieces. ‘Naruto was very excited when I last saw him,’ Kana said casually, not looking at Sasuke. ‘Who is your guest?’
‘Our.. elementary school teacher.’
She nodded. ‘Someone important to Naruto, right?’
Sasuke swallowed. ‘Like a father.’
Kana turned the water on, and cleaned the knife. ‘So it’s kind of like you’re meeting your father in law?’ He couldn’t tell if Kana was joking. ‘That’s why you’re nervous.’
‘I know him already. He taught me too, as a child.’
That’s when Kana turned to him. She had a soft smile on her face. ‘Knowing you, that only makes it worse. You don’t seem like the type of boy who likes it when people know him.’
‘I haven’t always been a good person,’ he shot back. It was out before he could stop himself.
‘I know. I know, darling.’ She put the knife down and then dried her hands. ‘But for now you can just make sushi, smother the one you like.’
Sasuke stared at her. ‘Thank you.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Always the same with you. Did you remember how to cut the fish?’
‘I did. Thank you.’
‘Hm, with that eye. What exactly does it do?’
‘A lot of things. It copies. Gives me a photogenic memory.’
She was frowning, looking into his now black, normal eye directly. ‘Sound like an awful thing to have.’ For someone like you, is what she didn’t say. He knew she thought it.
Sasuke thought about the first time he had brought Naruto to the wildflower mountain. He remembered exactly how the wind had blown, how Naruto had looked, the exact rhythm of his breathing. He had re-lived that moment a hundred times. ‘It’s not that bad. I know how to cut salmon perfectly now.’
He got cucumber and egg from his own garden. He stepped off the veranda, with Sesame following close behind him, and walked through the plants to see if anything could be harvested. Naruto had created paths between different plants. When in the middle of the garden he looked up; the heat was barely bearable. Quite a lot of the cucumbers were still too small too, he leaned in, found one that was big enough, and cut it off. On his way back he turned on the faucet, watched as the water started spraying through the hose.
He was still in the kitchen when Naruto came back, slightly sooner than he had expected. He came in yelling, of course. ‘Sasuke! We’re home!’ he yelled. Iruka was quiet, but he could hear the door being closed more carefully than Naruto would. Then, he heard the extra creaks the floors made. He could hear how Iruka tried to walk carefully, worried that the floor would break underneath his feet, while Naruto barged in. Naruto didn’t even get him the chance to clean his hands. He barged into the kitchen and put his arms around Sasuke’s waist. He hugged Sasuke tightly, then let go so Sasuke could turn around. When he did, Iruka was staring at them with a soft smile, something sentimental in his eyes.
‘Sasuke.. It’s nice to see you.’
Iruka looked older. He seemed happy. ‘Iruka-sensei. Likewise.’
He turned to look at Naruto, who was nervously shifting on his feet, a blush in his neck and a grin on his face. Naruto was nervous too. That was good; it made him realize how serious the other was.
‘I got you something small.’ Iruka said, taking a book from his bag. ‘It’s Moon in the Water, I really enjoyed it, Naruto said you might too. He was telling me about how much you read these days’
He quickly wiped his hands on a clean towel and then took the book from Iruka’s hands. ‘Oh.. yes. Thank you very much.’
Iruka turned to the house. ‘This is an amazing place. I’ve always found traditional houses so fascinating, you really hit the lottery with this one. It’s like a museum.’
He hadn’t exactly looked at it like that; he liked that the house was old, and he felt like the house and himself were a good match. ‘It is quite nice,’ he mumbled.
‘Are there more rooms?’
Naruto piped up. ‘We don’t use the bedrooms. We sleep in the living room, watching over the garden.’
Iruka looked towards the garden, grinned. He bumped Naruto’s shoulder. ‘The garden, hm?’
So Naruto had already told him about the house, or about the garden at least. Iruka knew just how to make Naruto excited about telling more. He liked seeing them like that. He had missed Naruto and Iruka growing closer and closer. Somewhere, he hated the idea that he had missed how Naruto grew close to Jiraiya, too. That he’d never have a chance to make up for that.
‘Do you want to see it?! Everything has been growing so fast and it’s actually surprisingly easy once you get into it!’ Naruto was already halfway through the living room before Iruka could say anything. ‘Sasuke did you water the plants today?’ He called. Sasuke didn’t answer; the earth was still wet and Naruto had eyes himself.
Iruka didn’t move yet. ‘He’s happy,’ he said instead. Then he lowered his voice, ‘I’ve known him for a while and he’s always been good at pretending, to be happy, I mean. He’s so good that he didn’t notice himself.’
Sasuke could only stare at his former teacher. His heart stuttered thinking of where this conversation could go.
‘I’ve never seen anyone with such a strong Will of Fire.’ He held his breath. He had always hated that saying. The Will of Fire. The idea of having to protect Konoha before anything else. ‘And you– you’re his fire.’
‘Iruka!’ Naruto yelled from the door opening.
‘Coming!’ Iruka turned to Naruto, smiling. He didn’t need an answer; Sasuke couldn’t give him one even if he’d wanted to.
Surprised and silent, he watched as Iruka followed Naruto towards the veranda . He wondered if he’d just gotten his father’s blessing. Naruto was all smiles, that was good. He seemed excited, hyper. He had to pull himself together. There was a lot more he wanted to show Iruka.
He had to pull himself together– he heard a loud creak, and as if on autopilot he yelled: ‘Naruto don’t jump off the veranda!’ They were truly, honestly, becoming a bickering old couple. Kana and Hirouki had nothing on them.
Dinner was soft and warm. With Iruka sitting down in the living room, looking over the garden, Naruto came into the kitchen. He was still smiling brightly. He stood closely behind Sasuke, laying his fingers against his hip. ‘Sushi?’
Sasuke nodded, unconsciously leaned into Naruto’s touch.
‘Can I do something to help?’
‘I’m just about done.’ He got out the same knife Kana had used and held it underneath some water. Then he turned to the fridge and got out the bowl of leftover fish for Sesame. Sesame, who had been hiding in the corner of the kitchen ever since Iruka came in, finally moved towards them.
He turned around towards the kitchen counter, to dry his hands, when Naruto put his arms around his waist again. Naruto softly pressed his nose against his shoulder. ‘Sesame is a little nervous. I hadn’t expected that.’
Sasuke chuckled.
‘He takes after you,’ Naruto added.
Sasuke shrugged, staring at the sushi rolls as if they could disappear at any given moment. He didn’t really want to fight Naruto on it. His heart was beating in his throat; he couldn’t fight Naruto on it even if he wanted to.
Naruto softly placed his lips against his shoulder, kissed it without a sound. ‘Thank you for doing this for me.’
Sasuke nodded slowly, turned around in Naruto’s arms. The look in Naruto’s eyes left Sasuke breathless, though he couldn’t quite place it. It gave him the same feeling as watching the sun go down from the engawa. It was timeless and hopeful. He didn’t know what to answer Naruto. Was it the right moment to joke? To say that it was nothing because he cooked for Naruto every day? Or was it time to say I’d do anything for you? It all seemed like too much, too little, too forced.
‘I’ll take the plates inside.’ Naruto’s hand lingered on his hip for a little too long before he picked up the plates and turned towards the living room. Sasuke watched him go and couldn’t help but feel like everything was okay. He took the tea from the counter and followed behind Naruto. Iruka smiled at them lovingly. At that moment he realized they were in sync. While walking in their house, they were as in sync as they had always been on battlefields. Naruto placed the plates on the table, Sasuke put the teacups next to the plates; exactly where they’d always put everything when the neighbors came over for lunch. They’d never spoken about it; hell Sasuke had never even realized they had habits like that.
‘This looks amazing,’ Iruka said while taking his chopsticks from the table.
‘Thank you,’ Sasuke tried to busy himself by pouring tea into every cup.
Naruto was not having that. ‘He cooks like this every day! Like.. he makes me ramen all the time.’ Sasuke shrugged awkwardly. ‘And the vegetables are from our own garden! The eggs too. Isn’t that awesome, Iruka?’
Iruka laughed. ‘That is quite amazing.’
‘We can get you some strawberries before you leave. I’d give you eggs but I don’t know if that’s such a good idea if you still have to walk that far. Do we have that thing to put the eggs into?’
‘Kana has ours.’ Sasuke mumbled.
‘Ah– shit, oh well. Do you like strawberries, Iruka-sensei?’
Iruka kept on grinning wider and wider with every word Naruto had said. ‘Of course I do.’
‘Awesome,’ Naruto shoved sushi into his mouth. Then, with his mouth completely full, he said something that sounded like: ‘I’ll go pick some.’
‘Naruto!’ – wait – he had said that at the same time as Iruka had. They glanced up at each other, surprised. Iruka laughed about it. He himself looked down at his food again, a smile playing at his lips.
‘I can’t help it! The food is too good!’
‘You’re disgusting. Just stop talking for one second.’
‘So Iruka can listen to your amazing storytelling?’ Naruto asked sarcastically. ‘Who do you think I am?’
Sasuke chuckled. ‘A loud idiot, that’s what you are.’
‘Shut up, you like me!’ Naruto shoved even more sushi into his mouth. ‘Or you wouldn’t make me food this good! Right Iruka!?’
Sasuke pulled quite a face. Iruka returned the hopeless look, luckily. ‘While I agree the food must have been made with a lot of care. I agree with Sasuke that you are being disgusting.’
That made Sasuke snort lightly.
‘Iruka! You’re supposed to be on my side!’
Iruka smiled, sipped his tea. ‘I don’t pick favourites.’
Yeah right. Bold words from a man who basically adopted the school’s problem child.
Naruto dramatically let himself fall down, then got up again, pointing at his former teacher. ‘Iruka! You have to! All the people on this mountain favour Sasuke! They’re trying to adopt him!’
Iruka spared him a glance, smiling kindly. ‘Alright, alright. I was joking.’
‘Obviously.’ Sasuke mumbled quickly. Not that he was off any fucking better. They were both smiling at Naruto as if he was making their worlds brighter. He thought about Iruka’s earlier words. He’s happy. Not pretending or running anymore, just happy.
After dinner, when Naruto was on about picking strawberries again, Sasuke realized that he wanted to do more. He wanted to reply to Iruka’s earlier words. He knew he was forgiven but he wanted to take responsibility. He stood up and asked Iruka: ‘Can you bring those plates to the kitchen for me?’ He thanked his lost arm for being an excuse.
Naruto didn’t even think twice about disappearing into the garden at that. Luckily.
Iruka followed behind him slowly, plates in his hand. Sasuke could tell Iruka was focusing on how to walk without making the floor creak, hopelessly so.
Sasuke placed the empty cups on the table, and then took the plates from Iruka’s hands.. His heart was beating in his fingers. He knew he was burning up and he sure as hell hoped that Iruka couldn’t see it. This man had seen him and Naruto at each other’s necks since they were kids. This man knew what they had been through; he knew that it hadn’t been easy.
He knew that fighting trauma with more trauma wasn’t the best way to do this whole thing.
‘Iruka.’ He said. His voice was already sounding different, weak. ‘I know that.. you might know more about my past than a lot of other shinobi.’
He looked at the plates in his hand. Iruka’s eyes were on him, burned into him. This is important, he had to tell himself. He wanted to do nothing more than to run. ‘I don’t come from a place that has taught me how to love.’ What do you hear? Listen closely. ‘ I’m sure Naruto has told you everything that happened, but if he didn’t… I love him.’ Far away, the river, the birds, the wind. He looked up at Iruka, finally looking into his eyes.
Iruka didn’t seem shocked; he seemed stern though. Worried, maybe.
‘If you think that I’m not the person who can deal with Naruto’s trauma, if you think he deserves better, I will trust your judgement on that. We both… well, I didn’t learn how to take care of someone. I’ll understand.’ Closer, the chickens, the creaking of the walls. ‘But I won’t... let you think that I’m not willing to learn. I am, more than ever, trying to do better. I’m going to make him happy.’
When he was done talking he looked at Iruka hopefully. His body was shivering. Sesame, noticing his discomfort, came to stand at his feet. He ignored it for now.
Iruka wasn’t saying anything. Iruka wasn’t– What was he thinking?
Birds, wind, leafs, chickens, cicadas, creaking of the walls.
Fuck.
Slowly, too fucking slowly, Iruka seemed to go over all his words again but he– he could barely remember what he had said.
Creaking of the walls. Far away, the river, the wind–
‘ Sasuke, I know. I haven’t seen someone love like this in my lifetime.’ He smiled softly, and suddenly that smile reminded him of Naruto’s. ‘I’d be stupid, so stupid, not to leave Naruto in the hands of the only one he’ll ever love.’
They showed Iruka off at the door. Iruka was holding a bag with all the things Naruto could think of giving away. Flowers, strawberries, a cucumber. Iruka was pretending their talk hadn’t happened, thank god. Naruto was beaming at his teacher. ‘Come again soon! We could go to the river to swim on your day off!’
Naruto waved and waved and waved.
Iruka laughed at the sight every time he turned around, until he was finally far enough to stop turning about.
As soon as Iruka was out of sight, Naruto turned to Sasuke, took a step forward. Sasuke leaned against the doorframe, knowing Naruto was planning on softly pushing him against it anyway. It was obvious. He smirked at Naruto’s passionate eyes.
‘You,’ Naruto said, leaning in a little further. Their noses were almost touching.
Sasuke let out a breath, Naruto was making his chest tight. ‘What about me?’
Naruto pushed his hands into Sasuke’s hair, pulling the locks lightly so that he raised his head. Then he kissed his jaw softly, Sasuke could feel the soft smile on Naruto’s lips. That didn’t mean he was prepared for the look on Naruto’s face when Naruto pulled back. He was doing everything to hold Sasuke’s eyes, his face intense. Still he was smiling. Always smiling. ‘You’re everything.’
Sasuke tangled his index finger in Naruto’s shirt, and looked at his hand while doing so.
‘Sasuke. You’re everything.’
‘You’re… I’m just trying to–’
Suddenly Naruto was closer again, interrupting him by pushing their foreheads together, moving his hips against Sasuke’s. Then moved to place his lips on Sasuke’s tempel, breathing out slowly. ‘I overheard.’
Sasuke's heart sank. Fuck. He closed his eyes as Naruto snuggled his nose against his temple, his hair, his ear.
‘I love you.’ Naruto said, softly. ‘You have no idea–’ Naruto couldn’t finish that sentence, he just chuckled hoarsely and then pushed his hips forward again, grinding their body’s together. ‘Tell me… what you told Iruka.’
He couldn’t. Naruto was overwhelming him. He didn’t know how to– he pushed his lips on Naruto’s, without a second thought. He pulled Naruto in by the neck, licking his lips open desperately. Naruto returned the kiss just the same, pulling Sasuke in closer and closer until there was barely any space in between them. His neck was feeling so hot. Naruto’s thumb softly caressed the skin under his jaw and it burned. His entire skin burned.
He’d been kissed by Naruto before; softly in the morning, or on the neck before they went to sleep. This was different, Naruto was different. He wanted him, Sasuke realized. He hadn’t realized this before; he could believe that Naruto loved him and that Naruto was happy with him, but Naruto had never been… gay enough, in his eyes. He hadn’t expected to be loved in that way.
‘Tell me,’ Naruto breathed out. His face was red, his lips slightly swollen. Sasuke could feel Naruto's hard on pushing against him. His heart was beating in all his fingertips, in the tip of his nose, in his ears. ‘Please, Sasuke.’
He pulled away for one second, only to push the door closed, and then turned to Naruto with renewed determination. He grabbed Naruto’s jaw, so that Naruto was looking into his eyes and nothing else, and then he said: ‘I’m going to make you so fucking happy.’ There was more. There was the fact he fucking loved him. There was the fact that he was never going to leave. The fact that he’d give him everything. Eventually it all came down to that, though; he was going to make Naruto happy.
And that was enough, Naruto practically melted against him. He kissed Sasuke against the door, the wood creaking a complaint. Naruto grinned at the sound. They were at home. This was their home and they– he moved against Naruto, caressing Naruto’s skin underneath his shirt. He’d seen all of that skin before.. Hell, he’d even touched it. This was different. Naruto pulled away to pull off his shirt, threw it towards a random corner, and then kissed him again. Sasuke pulled away from Naruto’s mouth to kiss the other’s jaw, neck. At first that got him a complaint, that complaint quickly turned into soft moans. Those moans quickly traveled through Sasuke’s body, burned him up, and settled in his stomach. He was making Naruto feel good. That shouldn’t have been a new thought, but it was.
He bit Naruto’s ear. Naruto himself seemed to be catching his breath, failing. ‘Please,’ Naruto whispered again, pulling at his pants. At that, apparently to Naruto's surprise, Sasuke kneeled down. He pulled on Naruto’s pants and pulled them down clumsily. ‘Ah– fuck. Are you–’ He didn’t give Naruto time to think about that question, whatever it was going to be. Something inside of him was bursting with nerves, but he was feeling too much fucking pleasure to give into it. Naruto wanted him. Naruto was hard. He was losing his fucking mind. He experimentally licked Naruto’s tight, earning a soft moan. Then he carefully placed his lips against Naruto’s cock. Naruto’s hands shot to his hair. He let his lips slide from Naruto’s tip to his base, painfully slow and experimental. He kept his lips as tight as possible. The moan it earned him was so fucking worth it. He did the same thing again and– he realized Naruto was– he was keeping too still. He pulled back, looked up at Naruto’s wide blown eyes. ‘You can–’ fucking hell, ‘ you can move. Touch me.’
Right away, Naruto’s hand tangled inside of his hair. Naruto pulled Sasuke’s head back onto his cock. As soon as Sasuke’s lips touched the lip of his cock again, Naruto thrusted forward roughly. Sasuke almost came right that second– he wasn’t going to hold out if– if Naruto wanted him too. If Naruto wanted him this much. And he did, every single one of his movements was desperate, lust driven. Naruto’s moans were loud and deep. ‘Are– fuck– are you okay?’ Naruto asked while pushing himself into Sasuke’s mouth, over and over again. He didn’t get the chance to answer; he wasn’t too worried about it either. He wanted nothing more than Naruto, in that second. He wanted Naruto everywhere; he wanted to touch the other even more.
He pulled back. Naruto looked like he was about to cry. ‘I want you to touch me,’ he said.
Naruto reached out and touched his jaw. Like that, he led Sasuke to stand up, towards his mouth. Softly Naruto kissed his swollen lips, and then he said a hoarse: ‘Let’s go to bed.’
He laid down on the futon, with the veranda door slightly open. Naruto came to find him with a small bottle of oil in his hands, a shy smile on his lips. He was suddenly aware of his clothes, while Naruto was lacking those. While Naruto looked at him he pulled off his shirt. Just to have something to do, instead of staring at his lover as if he held the answers to the universe.
Naruto kneeled down on the futon, leaned in slightly. He placed their foreheads together, breathed out. ‘You look nervous. Do you want this?’
‘I’ve wanted this for years.’ He even scared himself with that honesty. He had wanted this for fucking years. He hadn’t even considered for a second that it could become reality, though. Every time he had thought about touching Naruto, he had expected to be the one asking questions, the one initiating.
He should have known better; Naruto was always the one who came after him.
This time though, he wasn’t going to put up a fight anymore. Everything Naruto would want, would be his. Everything Naruto would ask, the answer would be yes .
Naruto laced his fingers around his pants, touching his hips softly, and then pulled them down. He raised his hips, as if Naruto was asking him to do so. ‘I’m sorry for taking so long, then,’ Naruto whispered.
He grabbed onto Naruto’s hair, brought their noses together, and closed his eyes. ‘We have time.’
Naruto breathed out onto his lips. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
At that, Naruto placed Sasuke’s legs on his shoulders carefully. He leaned in to kiss him, a soft, slow kiss. Sasuke melted into it, until he felt Naruto's finger slide into him. He tensed up.
‘Shit–’ Naruto whispered, ‘Did I–’
‘Shut up. Keep going.’ He grabbed Naruto by his neck, making sure that mouth didn’t leave his again. The fraction between his cock and Naruto stomach made him see stars– he needed more. And Naruto moved carefully, of fucking course he did. He had said that they had time, but he didn’t fucking mean it like this. He pulled Naruto back by his hair; only to be met by the most amazing look he’d ever seen. Naruto’s lips were wet, his pupils wide, his neck slightly red. ‘Faster.’ He hadn’t expected that to come out as a moan; but he couldn’t exactly care anymore.
It did the trick. Naruto pulled away slightly, and pushed his lips up a little further. Then, he started fingering Sasuke roughly, so, so fucking good. ‘More?’ Naruto asked hoarsely.
‘More.’ Sasuke breathed out. He could feel Naruto’s third finger entering him, pumping into him, and then– they were gone. ‘Fuck..’
‘You okay?’
‘Come on.’
Naruto grinned, placed his cock against Sasuke’s entrance. A wild shiver shot through Sasuke when the first tip entered. He could feel himself tense up again. Fuck. Fuck. He was– Naruto’s breath on his forehead, panting, his own racing heart, the floor creaking because of them and then–
’ Sasuke, are you okay?’
He placed his legs around Naruto’s waist, breathed out, nodded, and then pulled him in. He could feel Naruto fill him slowly. They both breathed out as if they had been holding that breath– as if the world could break down into another war any second. Once Naruto was inside of him, though, his mind was empty. Or completely full with nothing but Naruto. Naruto closed his eyes tightly, moaned out loudly while he started moving. That made Sasuke smile a little, of fucking course Naruto was loud like that.
Naruto smiled back at him, pushed his hair back just to have a better look. ‘What are you smiling about?’ He asked, out of breath already.
‘You’re loud.’
‘Huh.. you really like me,’ Naruto whispered, as if that was a new thought.
Sasuke chuckled, closing his eyes to focus on the feeling of Naruto inside of him. ‘So enjoy it, then.’ Which meant; fucking move already. I’m okay. Just fucking, fucking move. Luckily, Naruto read between the lines for once. He grabbed onto the hair he’d been pushing back, and pushed his hips forward, moaning loudly.
Sasuke started pulling his own cock clumsily, though he was too overwhelmed by Naruto. He was throbbing. He wasn’t going to fucking hold out for long. ‘Sasuke,’ Naruto whispered. ‘You’re everything.’ He repeated. Sasuke believed him, for once. He opened his mouth, as if to ask for Naruto’s kiss. Naruto leaned in, licked inside of his mouth while keeping up his pace. The kiss was clumsy, wett. When Naruto pulled back to steady himself, he replaced his tongue with his fingers. Those rough and calloused fingers he loved so much. Sasuke, without a second thought, sucked on them.
‘Ah, fuck.’ Ah, so that did things for Naruto. Sasuke moaned against those fingers. Naruto started thrusting more roughly. He could feel his lover getting thicker inside of him. His eyes shot open, this was– fuck– he sucked Naruto’s fingers even harder, just to keep himself from moaning out. Naruto pushed his fingers inside of Sasuke’s mouth even deeper. Sasuke closed his eyes, feeling hot and unable to breathe and–
‘Sasuke– I–’ Naruto loved him. Naruto wanted him.
He came at the sound of his own name, moaned by the man he’d loved for years. He came on top of his own stomach, moaning against those tanned fingers. Naruto came immediately after. He’d obviously been holding back until Sasuke came and that was just– so fucking Naruto that he would have laughed about it if he hadn’t felt so… out of this world.
‘I love you,’ Naruto whispered, thrusting one more time, slowly, with his eyes barely open. ‘Sasuke, I fucking– you’re everything I– holyshit, you are just–’
He could only stare at his lover. His best friend. Naruto didn’t have to say anything, not right now, but this was Naruto. So he was going to talk about it, right away. Sasuke didn’t mind; he wanted Naruto to be as much himself as he possibly could me.
‘Idiot,’ He breathed out.
Naruto laughed, red in his face. He placed his hand against Sasuke’s jaw, caressed it while staring intensely. ‘Asshole.’
Sasuke smiled softly. Naruto’s hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead, he pushed the blonde locks back. Naruto was grinning; he was fucking beaming. I’m going to make you so fucking happy, he repeated in his mind.
They sat on the engawa, side by side, with the feeling of the cold late night wind on their skin. At first they were talking softly. Naruto said, at least ten times, that he was glad Iruka had liked their home. Sasuke, in his turn, felt relieved at that. Naruto was caressing his inner leg the whole time, even when they fell into silence.
They listened to the garden, chuckled when Sesame sat down on top of Sasuke’s lap.
‘Same, Sesame, same.’ Naruto whispered jokingly.
Sasuke just chuckled, slowly caressed the top of Sesame’s head, and then the inside of Naruto’s hand. He switched once in a while, until the both of them, soundlessly, fell asleep on top of him. Naruto started breathing heavier, like he always had when sleeping. He watched them, carefully. Their features were beautifully lit by the full moon. Never in his entire life had he looked at the full moon and felt calm. The moon had always left him feeling unsettled, with a feeling that everything was going to hell one day or another. The moon had made him feel, on some days, completely sick. Now the moon just gave him enough light to see his garden, his best friend, his cat, and he was thankful for it. He felt himself changing.
He carefully, so that he wouldn’t wake Naruto, grabbed the book Iruka had gotten him. Moon in the Water by Yasunari Kawabata. During dinner Iruka had told him what he had found most beautiful about the book. A man, stuck in bed due to illness, gets a mirror from his wife. With that mirror he can see everything happening in the garden, the butterflies, the people walking by, and the moon. He watches the movements of his wife, who’s working in the garden, carefully. Really, the book turns out quite sad, but those scenes were beautiful.
Sasuke turned his head slightly, placed his lips against the top of Naruto’s head and kissed him softly. Naruto let out a sleepy breath. He opened the book on it’s first page and started reading; the sound of Naruto’s breath and loud cicadas surrounding him.
Notes:
Side notes:
-Sasuke is almost never frustrated by having one arm, except from when Naruto is laying on one side of him and Sesame on the other.
-When they go to sleep, Sesame tries to lay the exact same way as Sasuke does. Naruto laughs about it all the time.
-Sasuke goes to the market with Kana once in a while, and she teaches him how to cook sometimes.
-Naruto, at one point, tells him how much better his cooking as gotten and Sasuke gets a little offended, saying "so you like Kana's cooking more than mine" Naruto is still confused about it, Sasuke is still embarrassed about it, they don't talk about it.
-Kana is secretly adopting Sasuke tbh, we all have to deal with it.
-Naruto writes letters to all his friends in the village and he realizes that that way of communicating makes him feel calm. He usually doesn't have much of a filter, and he quite likes taking his time to tell people what he wants to say.
-Naruto also puts cool leafs, flowers, tea etc in every package of envelope. He always gives everyone updates on the garden, even if they don't ask.
-Naruto always asks Sasuke if he wants to write something on his letter. Sasuke never writes more than a sentence, except from when he's writing to Ino. Then he asks a lot of stuff about wildflowers.
Chapter 8: engawa
Notes:
Hello everyone!
This update took a lot longer than the last few. Last week I graduated from the Dutch Creative Writing University, which had always been my dream. I'm proud of the book I graduated with but I'm.. well, I'm tired as hell.
I can't explain how much this story means to me. It was so nice to write this as a distraction for all my stress. This story has calmed me down, and I know it meant the same for a lot of you guys. Thank you so much for all the comments, thank you so much for the compliments. Your sweet words didn't only help me write this story, but also made me have enough faith in myself to write my final work.
This one chapter is 10k which is by far the longest chapter so far. I hope you'll enjoy it a lot!
---
Once again, I have a homesick for a mountain's song playlist.
I hope that that sets the mood a little! for this story.
I also used 'an illustrated guide to Japanese traditional architecture and everyday things' as an inspiration for a lot of the traditional aspects of this story. You should definitely check out those beautiful books.
Also, for the Dutch readers, I wrote and recorded a piece about this story for a podcast with my writers collective. You can listen to it here. I'm the first speaker (:
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
八
Hina walked into their house without asking if she was allowed to come in. She did that a lot. It kept being intense. Naruto was laying on the engawa with a magazine on top of his head, not quite worried about their neighbors walking in and out as they pleased.
Sasuke waited for Hina’s request to come. Can you boys pick something up for me? Could you carry this somewhere? Is the house still hanging on? Do you have some extra eggs for me?– none of it came. Hina looked around the room, at the picture frames Naruto had taken from Konoha. They were all carefully standing on top of their cabinet; the books now having their own shelf. Hina studied their childly faces. Their faces from before either of them had fought for their lives. Their faces from when they thought they knew what they wanted. It was crazy that he couldn’t say ‘ everything was so simple back then.’ It hadn’t been. Everything was simple now, simpler than it had been in a long time, at least.
‘Let’s go sit down for a second,’ Hina said, walking towards their table. At that Naruto lifted the magazine from his face and glanced at Hina.
‘Hey Hina, good morning!’ He called.
She smiled. ‘Good morning, Naruto.’
Sasuke sat down in front of Hina, and nodded Naruto towards the kitchen. Naruto, luckily understood, got up and asked: ‘Would you like something to drink? Water, coffee, tea, iced tea?’
‘I’d like some coffee, thank you.’
Naruto walked up to Sasuke, laid his chin on top of his head softly. ‘You too?’ he asked.
‘Hm..’ At that, Naruto kissed the very top of his head and turned towards the kitchen. Sasuke breathed in and listened to Naruto’s footsteps on the old wood. Hina was more serious than she usually was, he could feel it. Naruto probably could too.
Had she figured out Sasuke’s past? He was under the impression that she just didn’t care. He did realize that every bit of new information could make their opinion of him– ‘This place is really looking better.’ Hina commented. ‘I haven’t properly looked at what you boys did with it, but it’s much more lively.’ She was, again, looking at the pictures from when they were genin . Sesame walked up to the table lazily, stretching his back when he was halfway, and then bumped against Hina lovingly. ‘And you’re getting so big.’ Hina told the cat. Sasuke smiled. Sesame was indeed getting big, and he was getting fat too.
When Naruto came back with two cups of coffee and one iced tea, Hina piped up. ‘Can you come sit too, Naruto?’
‘’Oh, of course.’ Naruto plopped down next to him, cross-legged. He handed Hina her cup, slid Sasuke’s cup towards him as well. Then he put his hand on Sasuke’s knee, grinned. Good , Naruto wasn’t as nervous as he was. Naruto usually had a more realistic view on these things; he wasn’t as clouded by anxiety.
Hina absentmindedly patted Sesame a few times, and then put her wrinkled hand around her cup. ‘So–’ She started, her voice a little rough. ‘I wanted to talk about the house, because, as you should know, the house is technically still mine.’
At this, Naruto shifted, held Sasuke’s knee a little tighter.
‘I’m getting old, I might not feel it yet, but it’s just the truth. Which means that if anything would happen to me–’ She sighed, as if she didn’t feel like saying all of this. ‘If I would die, or something like that, the house would get sold. My house, but yours too.’
She sipped her coffee calmly, seemingly thinking about what to say next. ‘Now I don’t know a single person, other than you two, who feels like living in one of these houses. The chance that no one cares is quite big, but– I hate not being able to take matters into my own hands. ‘
Naruto laughed at this, mumbled a quick: ‘Oh we know.’
Hina rolled her eyes, chuckling a bit too. ‘The point is; I want to give you two the opportunity to buy the house, from me. It’s not cheap, but if you’re planning to stay for a few more years it’ll be cheaper than renting. You don’t have to tell me right now. I don’t care if you keep renting until I die but–’
‘I’ll buy the house,’ Sasuke said, surprising himself. He had the money. Even if the chances of someone else buying the house were small; he wanted to make it zero. This was his house. It was their home. ‘How much is it?’
Hina stared at him, a soft smile on her lips as she started looking through her bag. For paperwork, probably.
Naruto was just grinning, leaning against him, shifting like he was a happy child. ‘We can buy it together,’ Naruto said softly. ‘If you’d like that.’
He’d like that. He’d like that a lot. ‘You don’t have to, it’s a lot of money,’ he said instead.
Naruto grinned. ‘Inherited some from Jiraiya, and he made sure I got my parent’s too.’
Sasuke stared at Naruto, he had never realized Naruto had inherited money as well. He hated the fact that Naruto hadn’t gotten any of it when they were children but– but spending it like this would make it worth it, a little.
‘Okay..’ he said slowly. He breathed in, closed his eyes for a second. ‘Yeah, we’ll buy it together.’
Hina placed the paperwork on the table. A soft smile on her lips. ‘This is all you need to know,’ she said, placing her hand on the paperwork. ‘There’s quite a disclaimer saying that the floor creaks, that it’s old and windy and that the tobukuro don’t properly close, or that there is no warm water anymore.’ She giggled. Sasuke suddenly thought she looked a lot younger. ‘I guess that you boys can just skip that part.’
‘Thank you, Hina,’ Sasuke said. He remembered the first time he saw her. When she had said that the rent was too high for such an old house. When she had told him ‘ There are things you can’t ever run away from.’ She’d been right. She knew it too.
‘Return that paperwork to me whenever. You boys should talk a bit.’ She finished the last bit of her coffee and then stood up. Quick paced, honest, rough; Hina felt familiar like that. ‘Thank you for the coffee.’
As soon as Hina had left, had closed the door behind her, Sasuke shot up and pressed his lips against Naruto’s. Naruto laughed against his lips, not even surprised by Sasuke’s sudden change in posture, and held onto him tightly. He climbed into Naruto’s lap and buried his nose against his neck. Naruto whispered softly: ‘Our own house.’
‘I didn’t think I’d live long enough to ever think about buying a house,’ Sasuke said truthfully.
Naruto kissed him. When he pulled back he smiled breathlessly. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Thank you for giving me a home. From today on I’ll return–’
Sasuke interrupted Naruto by kissing him roughly, Naruto fell back, huffing happily, and leading Sasuke to his lips again. Naruto slid his hands through his dark locks, the feeling of Naruto’s nails against his skin felt amazing. If Naruto hadn’t been so busy kissing him, he knew what Naruto would have said. You’re beautiful, he heard Naruto’s voice whisper in the back of his mind. He’d said so every time he touched Sasuke’s hair. He’d said so at random moments, when Sasuke was just cooking or reading a book.
Naruto pulled back to kiss Sasuke’s nose. He placed his forehead against Sasuke’s. It was warm inside of their room, summer was really starting to hit. ‘You’re beautiful,’ Naruto said.
Sasuke stared back into those bright eyes. Unsurprised, still overwhelmed. He’d always keep on being overwhelmed by his bright boy. ‘You always say that.’
‘I always mean that.’
‘You’re crazy.’
‘Crazy for you,’ Naruto shot back, jokingly. At this, Sasuke kicked him off, laughing softly. ‘You’re so mean to me.’
‘Don’t you have something better to do? The plants must be dying in the weather.’
Naruto chuckled. ‘See? You do love the garden. Secretly, you’re buying the house so you can keep the garden. I can see right through you, Sasuke.’
Sasuke rolled his eyes. ‘Sure you can.’ He could. Naruto knew his everything.
On a cooler evening they walked to the onsen. Now that the weather was getting warmer and warmer, they spent more time at the river and less time at the hot baths. It still felt kind of special when he took Naruto there.
They walked slowly, their sides bumping against each other. Despite all the cuddles when they were inside of their own home, they usually didn’t touch much when outside. They hadn’t talked about it, Sasuke had assumed it was fine because it came naturally. This time though, he didn’t have to look at Naruto to notice the idiot kept glancing at his hand. Naruto brushed their fingers together, kept unusually quiet.
Sasuke almost felt shy about it.
‘Naruto,’ he said, a bit sterner than he had wanted to sound.
Naruto looked at him swiftly, nodded.
‘There’s no one on this mountain, and I have told you more than once that I want you.’ He sighed, giving Naruto his best deadpan look. ‘So what the hell is holding you back? Stop being a such an idiot.’
For a few seconds, Naruto stared at him with a dumb look on his face. His mouth was damn close to falling open. He wondered why; he’d been showing Naruto more affection than he had ever thought he would. He’s been showing Naruto more affection than he thought he had .
Then, Naruto grinned brightly – of fucking course he did – and slid his fingers in between Sasuke’s. He held onto his hand tightly, bumped their shoulders together, and then continued walking. He chuckled lightly. ‘You can be so extreme sometimes, I was just testing the waters.’
Sasuke rolled his eyes. ‘Why the hell are you testing the waters? You’re always doing everything in the wrong order.’
Naruto chuckled and shrugged.
‘Oh and for the record,’ Sasuke continued. ‘I said that there’s no one on this mountain, but even if all the kage’s and all their villagers were watching, I still wouldn’t give a fuck.’
Naruto stopped walking, pulling him back for a second. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him.
‘Do you have any idea how fucking hot you are right now?’
‘Why?’
‘You’re so badass about being sweet, how do you even–’
‘Shut up, keep walking.’
Naruto did keep on walking, but he also kept complimenting Sasuke. Much to Sasuke’s horror. He carefully hid all his blushes behind sarcastic chuckles and eye rolling. Naruto pulled his hand every time he gave him another compliment. He focussed on the feeling of Naruto’s fingers in between his, on the cool summer air.
They walked into the onsen with their hands still locked. The old man behind the counter, reading some stupid gossiping magazine, looked up with a bored look on his face. ‘Uchiha,’ he greeted. Sasuke guessed he meant both of them by that. It had taken him quite a while to remember or to bother saying his name; he probably wouldn’t bother saying Naruto’s.
Sasuke walked up to the desk – if it could be called that – and laid out a few bills. ‘For two people, please.’
The man looked at him with a tired frown on his face. ‘Kana got a family pass with you two on it. It’s cheaper for all of you. Just go in.’
Sasuke gaped dumbly at him. He wasn’t sure what to do with that information. Behind him, Naruto chuckled. ‘We’re– you know we’re not family right?’
‘ Of course I do, ’ he said as if they were insane. Maybe they were. ‘You two are not exactly infamous. I’m not going to have that discussion with Kana though, she’ll make a fuss. Just pass before I hear from her again.’ Having said what he wanted to say, he turned back to his magazine and started sipping a beer. This conversation is over, he seemed to be saying.
Naruto took his hand again, waved at the old man, and yelled. ‘Alright then, thanks!’
Getting naked with Naruto was something that could leave him with a lot of feelings. Sometimes it left him hot and bothered. Sometimes it left him plain horny. Often it left him feeling like he belonged , with the overwhelming feeling he had a home together with someone. Here, it made him feel calm. It made him feel cared for. By himself, by Naruto, by this mountain.
‘You’re so pale compared to me,’ Naruto said, walking up to him. He glanced at Naruto’s dark shoulders and stomach, skin that had obviously seen a lot of midday sun. His own chest was still close to white, he looked as if he had barely been outside a day in his life. That he was tanner than he’d been in a long time went unnoticed.
Naruto touched his own chest absentmindedly, then looked at Sasuke again. ‘You’re pretty,’ he said. That word had been used to describe him since he was a young boy; it had never hit him like it did when Naruto said it, though.
‘It’s just skin,’ Sasuke mumbled.
Naruto hummed. ‘Can I clean your back before we go in?’
He nodded slowly. He sat down on one of the cheap plastic chairs while Naruto filled the furo-oke with water. He carried the water as if it was heavy, as if he wasn’t one of the strongest men alive. Then he said a quick, ‘Here it comes,’ before throwing the water on top of Sasuke’s back. He got the soap that was standing at all washing spots around the onsen. It smelled like something he couldn’t quite place, there certainly was some lemon in it though.
Naruto came to sit a bit closer. ‘This might be a bit cold,’ he said, just because he liked talking, not because Sasuke didn’t know that the soap was always cold. He carefully placed his hand against Sasuke’s skin, in the middle of his back. Then he placed his other hand on his back as well, and started rubbing circles. Naruto’s touch was intense, almost ticklish. His fingers felt rough like scrub, like they always did, but they slid over Sasuke’s back with ease. ‘Your arm,’ Naruto mumbled, and so Sasuke raised his. Naruto washed his hips, and then his armpits. The touch on his stump felt weird; like Naruto wasn’t actually touching him. He had never really noticed how little he felt there before.
‘Alrighty,’ Naruto said then, and poured more water onto him. Sasuke closed his eyes this time.
Naruto left his fingers on Sasuke’s back, kept quiet.
Sasuke rubbed the water from his eyes, then turned around. ‘What is it?’
‘I– I really want to wash your hair. I’ve really wanted that for a while now.’
He wanted to take Naruto seriously, he really did, but eventually he just started laughing. Naruto could be so hung up about stupid stuff. ‘Why?’
‘It’s– it’s so long and dark and soft and beautiful and I just really–’
‘No, not that. Why are you so shy about it?’
‘Shut up! Fuck o–’ as if remembering that they were in a onsen, and that they were supposed to be quiet, he suddenly shut up. ‘Can I wash it or not, asshole?’
Sasuke turned around again. ‘Just use my shampoo, not the cheap stuff they have here.’
It became dark while they were still sitting in the hot water. They were far enough from each other to not become turned on by each other, close enough to keep their feet touching so they could enjoy each other’s presence a bit more. The warmth calmed his muscles, he closed his eyes and listened to the water dribbling into the bath. Around the onsen there were a lot of cicadas. They were always loud on the mountain, that was nothing new. The old man was listening to the radio, some kind of spelshow, but that was barely hearable.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Naruto piped up, probably bored.
‘I was listening to the water, and to the cicadas.’
‘Oh– sorry.’
‘Hm..’ Sasuke slowly opened his eyes, smiled at his lover. ‘Talk to me.’
Naruto sunk a bit deeper into the water. ‘I don’t want to bother you.’
‘I like hearing you. Just like I like hearing the cicadas, and the water, Sesame’s complaining.’
Naruto laughed. ‘I miss Sesame...’
‘We’ve barely been gone for two hours.’
Naruto pouted. ‘I just miss him, okay! You’re so distant to him while I give him everything he’d ever want. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I’d be better off acting cold too, but then I realize I just can’t–’
Sasuke let himself slip further into the water, nodded, and closed his eyes again. Slowly, he hummed along with everything Naruto was telling him. The other kept talking, though it became softer at a certain point. Sasuke could feel himself relax, surrounded by the streaming water. The old man’s radio, the wind, the cicadas. He slid his feet against Naruto, tried to caress the other’s instep. The water, Naruto’s voice. ‘ So I might ask old man Teuchi how to make the broth, you know? I don’t think he would mind telling me. It’s at least worth a shot.’
Sakura sent them a letter to invite them to her birthday, a few days later. Naruto had sent her a letter for her birthday, but apparently she had decided that there needed to be a get-together too. The invitation was impersonal, but Naruto got excited about it anyway. Sasuke got nervous about Naruto’s excitement. He didn’t have to say such things, Naruto knew, and made sure to keep on saying things like ‘It’s so nice to catch up to everyone at once. It feels special.’ Maybe Naruto was right, it was nice to make seeing their (or, well, Naruto’s) friends a little special.
They talked about it a lot; about Sasuke going back to Konoha. Naruto told him a thousand times that he really didn’t have to. He thought about the week he had spent inside of Konoha after the war a lot. He had been so frustrated with himself back then, so fucking distracted by Naruto’s presence. With every move he had made he had thought: this is going to be the move with which I hurt Naruto again. He hadn’t. Not really. He had tried to bring it as carefully as possible; he wasn’t staying. He hadn’t been able to say more, but he made sure to write Naruto as often as possible.
Now he could finally tell Naruto everything he had wanted to say. He spilled that he would have stayed if it was just for Naruto, and not the rest of the village. He could finally say that he didn’t mind everyone in Konoha, that he quite liked some of their old classmates. He could finally tell Naruto that he fucking hated Konoha for what it had done to Naruto, that that feeling wasn’t just selfish. That walking through Konoha’s streets, had made him see the blonde child trying to get attention again. In Konoha’s streets he could still feel how Naruto had tried to fight him at any chance he’d get; how he had finally felt something because of it.. He told Naruto all those things, laying on their engawa late at night. Naruto had gripped his hand a little too tight. They talked about themselves from when they were younger, about all their useless fights and about their first clumsy kiss.
They talked about Konoha until the subject became light.
Which is why Naruto’s distant attitude on the day of Sakura’s birthday felt unusual. The morning had been soft like most of their mornings were. Sasuke had claimed his own part of the garden, and he was watching the flowers he’d been growing from the engawa, trying to figure out which one to pick for Sakura. He’d asked Ino about Sakura’s preference in flowers in his latest letter. But her reply seemed to be too late.
He felt lucky when Naruto stormed outside holding it. ‘Hey! The hawk had a letter from Ino, but I have no fucking clue what she’s talking about.’ Sasuke looked up from what he was doing. ‘Oh, that’s for me.’ He reached out and took the letter from Naruto’s hands. Naruto sat down next to him and looked at the letter curiously. Sasuke rarely had contact with anyone except from team Taka. To be honest, the contact with them was quite rare too.
He scanned the letter. Ino had named shapes, colours, moods. He liked her way of talking about flowers; he could work with this. ‘What’s it about?’
‘Bouquet for Sakura’s party.’
Naruto nodded excitedly. ‘From our garden?’
‘Hmh..’
‘She’ll love that.’
‘I guess.’
Naruto shifted closer to him. He put his head on Sasuke’s shoulder and looked at the letter again; like a child trying to figure out a secret. Sasuke placed the letter on his lap, so that Naruto could look at it all he wanted.
‘About that,’ Naruto started, he looked away from the letter and towards the garden. ‘I have to go see someone in Konoha, so I was thinking about leaving in a bit.’
Sasuke looked at his boyfriend curiously. ‘I don’t mind coming with you. Who are you meeting?’
Naruto shrugged. ‘No need.’ That was weird. He usually wouldn’t let a chance to hang out with Sasuke in Konoha slip. ‘I– Tsunade wanted to chat with me. To catch up and stuff.’
‘To catch up? Doesn’t she just want to know if you’re becoming hokage?’
Naruto smiled stupidly. ‘Nah, she just wants to grab a drink. No big deal.’
He stared at the other; he’d seen no letter from Tsunade. Naruto was being awkward too. He felt nervousness kick him in the chest. Or in the face, whatever. ‘And you don’t want to go together?’
‘Sakura’s party isn’t until dinner time! Besides, one socializing event in Konoha is enough. It’s fine, really.’
Sasuke bit his lip. He wanted to ask about it. If Naruto had to meet someone about getting a job in Konoha, he'd want to know. If Naruto wanted to get an extra apartment in Konoha, that was alright. If Naruto still wanted to become hokage, he’d support him in that. He just wanted Naruto to be honest with him.
But Naruto, the fucking idiot, was just stuttering obvious lies. Naruto had never been the best at lying. It was stupid of him to even try. Sasuke wanted to hit his lover with an angry ‘ Just fucking spit it out already’, but he didn’t want to push. He swallowed the words.
He wanted to believe that Naruto had his reasons, always. He reminded himself of the fact Naruto was planning on buying the house with him. He repeated words Naruto had described him with inside of his own head. Everything, that’s what Naruto had said. You’re everything.
It didn’t take away his nerves.
Naruto left after smothering him with small kisses. ‘I’ll see you tonight,’ he’s mumbled against Sasuke’s temple. Sasuke hadn’t replied much; he’d nodded. He felt a little pissed off, he let Naruto leave before the other could notice.
Naruto was quick to leave too.
So what. So fucking what. He wasn’t… depending on Naruto. Or maybe he was; but he’d really have to stop doing that. To some extend, at least. This was a good start.
He focussed on cutting the flowers he wanted for Sakura’s present. He tied everything together with a ribbon he’d bought a while back. He made sure to add a lot of ‘puffy’ flowers, as Ino had called them. She said Sakura loved those, as if they made Sakura feel the softness she never showed to anyone herself. He had chuckled when he’d read Ino’s letter; she’d been right and so damn witty.
Sesame was laying on the engawa when he wanted to leave. He sighed. ‘Inside or outside?’ Sesame glanced up at him, then went right back to sleep. Sasuke left the door open just enough for Sesame to walk through; it wasn’t like there were any people on mount Oda. He packed his back a small and light-weight bag. Konoha had always been linked to weapons, long periods of leaving, or even survival to him. Now he didn’t need anything but his cash, keys and a present. That was crazy. He felt a little lost because of it.
When stepping outside, he turned to look at his own house for a few seconds more. He’d called the house lonely when he came here. He wondered if he still felt that way. He didn’t think so. When looking at his house he couldn’t feel anything but calm. Calm and at home. This house knew what loud footsteps sounded like; it knew sharp meowing. The house had been filled with the smell of food and coffee. The house had pictures inside of it. It had remembered the poems he’d recited, the songs Naruto had sang. This floor had been covered by books, or with clothes on hot days. Hell, Naruto and he had made love on that floor, moaning out loudly because they were far enough from everything not to be heard. This was their piece of land, their house to make a home.
Maybe he calmed the house too. Maybe the house whispered to himself: I hear footsteps, I head the cat meowing, I hear the humans whisper, I hear them playing music softly.
The place Sakura had chosen for her party was small but new and completely fashionable. It seemed like all the shops were new though, and the houses too. In the week he’d spent here after the war he had barely registered all the rebuilding Konoha had done.
When Sakura noticed him walking up to the shop, she walked outside. She smiled sweetly, kept her distance a little. ‘Sasuke! Thank you for coming!’
‘Hm, yeah,’ he held out the bouquet to her.
Sakura took the flowers from his hands, beamed. ‘These are so beautiful. Thank you.’
Ino peeked around the corner, excitedly. ‘He grew and picked them himself,’ she said cheekily. He tried to give Ino the best glare he could manage. It was quickly swept away by the fact he hadn’t seen her in forever. She looked older, she was probably working on becoming the new clan leader and he could read it on her face. Everyone was growing up, he realized. He had too; he just hoped no one would ask him how . ‘You look very good, by the way, Sasuke.’
Sasuke stared at the girl. Sakura chuckled at him, though he didn’t know what kind of look he was showing. He distantly remembered these girls being in love with him. They weren’t the same anymore, he knew that, but – ’I’m– I’m gay.’ It was out there before he could help it.
Sakura tried to hold it back, but Ino just full out laughed at him. Sakura turned to punch Ino on her shoulder. ‘Be nice,’ she whispered aggressively.
Ino just kept on laughing, not a care in the world. ‘Have you met Naruto?’ she laughed. ‘Don’t worry, he told everyone in this village that you’re gay and that he likes you. You’re safe.’
‘ Great,’ he mumbled sarcastically. Even though he kind of meant it; he didn’t feel like telling everyone where he stood with Naruto, these days. He wanted them to know, though. He wasn’t ashamed of being with Naruto. Somewhere, he could understand why Naruto wanted to scream it off the roof. Maybe it was Naruto’s own way of saying; look at us now, look at how we made ourselves happy.
Ino and Sakura just chuckled, moving back inside and signing for him to follow. Sakura whispered, while they walked in. ‘It might be a bit busy, but there’s no one you don’t know.’
He nodded slowly. No one who didn’t know all he’d done. He didn’t exactly know if he preferred that. He appreciated the fact that Sakura was warning him beforehand, though.
‘Okay,’ he answered slowly, taking that time to prepare himself.
‘Oh, and Naruto isn’t here yet. He– well, he was helping Iruka with something and you know how they are–’
He stopped walking. He heard his loud ex-classmates yelling at each other in the other room. Sakura stopped walking as well, glanced at him expectantly.
‘He was with Iruka?’
‘Uh– yes.’
For a while they were both quiet. Sakura was waiting for him to do something; to keep on walkin, or to say something more than he had. Anything.
The voices of his classmates were loud. Someone was yelling at Choji for eating food he wasn’t allowed to eat. There was the sound of glasses being put down, probably being cleaned. Outside, there was some construction work going on.
It sounded like the damn hammering was happening inside of his brain.
Sakura put her hand on his arm. ‘Sasuke?’
He looked at the floor. Hammering, glasses, yelling, fuck . Fuck. It was so loud, he– he needed Naruto– ’Sasuke. Are you okay?’ he heard Sakura ask him.
He swallowed, tried to push the sounds away from him. ‘Why is he lying to me?’
At that, Sakura just sighed. So at least it was true. ‘Sasuke–’
‘Be honest, Sakura–’
‘I, well–’ She sighed again, a bit hopelessly, but she didn’t sound as worried as she had before. ‘It’s nothing bad. I can’t tell you right now, but I promise, it’s nothing bad.’
He didn’t know what she saw as bad. That could be anything. Naruto becoming hokage wasn’t bad. Naruto moving back to Konoha wasn’t either.
Sakura waited for him to answer, patiently. He took a while, thought about whether he was angry or not. He tried his best to hear his own thoughts through the yelling of his old classmates. Through the loud clinking.
‘Sakura.. I just– I have to know if he’s planning on moving back to Konoha.’
At that, Sakura laughed. His eyes shot up to her face. She looked calm about the whole thing. ‘He wouldn’t move back to Konoha even if the entire village begged on their knees. Not any time soon, at least.’ She glanced through the door, at her friends. ‘He loves you, you know?’
Sasuke nodded. ‘I know.’
She smiled, satisfied. ‘Have a little faith in him.’
Sasuke walked back outside. Surprisingly, he ended up telling Sakura the truth; it was too loud inside. He wanted to calm himself. When outside, he focussed on the children playing, on the still loud construction work, on the people chatting away. People glanced at him, then hurried on. He heard his own name being whispered by strangers.
He breathed out. He tried to focus on his own breath, on his heartbeat. Usually, that was his least favourite sound to focus on. But it was familiar. Right, we’re alive, Naruto had said.
Naruto walked up to the restaurant not long after. There were so many people around that he had barely registered Naruto’s presence before he could see him. Naruto gave him a wide grin and an excited wave. He felt himself calm down. He had faith in Naruto, he did .
‘Hey beautiful! Come here often?’ Naruto jokingly said.
He was such an idiot.
Sasuke tried his best to smile.
‘Hey, what’s up?’ Naruto stepped closer to him, putting his jokes aside.
He wondered if his panic was showing or if Naruto could just read him that well. ‘I’m okay,’ he said. He breathed in deeply. ‘It’s.. just a lot. A lot of noise too.’
Naruto bit his lip. ‘Tell me if you want to leave. Any time.’ With that he pulled Sasuke in for a hug. He whispered: ‘Focus on me for a second.’ Naruto blocked out most of the sounds, with the way he had placed his arms around his head. He placed his lips against Sasuke’s temple and very softly started humming a song. It wasn’t nicely hummed, but it did sound happy. Familiar too; he remembered Naruto humming this at home, while working in the garden. Sometimes he sang this song too. The lyrics were about toads, he remembered that much.
Naruto swayed a bit, slowly, to the sound of his own humming.
He let Naruto move him, to the voice he heard every day. This was a part of his home.
For one second, he pulled Naruto in a little tighter, as if to say thank you. Naruto giggled at that; he enjoyed getting squished a little. Then, Sasuke pulled back. ‘Let’s go inside.’
Naruto grinned. ‘Yeah?’
‘Hm.’
Naruto nodded carefully, then nodded again more excitedly. ‘Okay. Hey, did Sakura like your flowers?’
‘Yeah.. I think she did.’
Naruto held his hand when walking inside. He pulled him towards where Shikamaru was sitting, so that he ended up in between Shikamaru and Naruto. He guessed Naruto did so on purpose; because Shikamaru was by far the quietest and the least awkward one of Naruto’s friends. He appreciated the thought Naruto put into it.
Naruto softly kissed his jaw and whispered ‘I’m going to greet everyone. You good?’
He just nodded, ignoring the few stares they got when Naruto kissed him. He ordered some Sake, and let himself lean back in his seat a bit. Shikamaru turned to him slightly, gave him a lazy smile, and mumbled: ‘It’s good to see you.’
Sasuke didn’t know what to answer, and ended up just nodding thankfully. He hadn’t exactly expected to be accepted with open arms, but the other man seemed genuine.
‘Well, I guess it’s just good to see you together with Naruto. As long as he's not as miserable as he has been, you’re welcome with us.’ That was fair.
At that, Shikamaru turned to his cup of tea. He handed Choji the cookie he was given with it without a word. He guessed that all best friends had their own way of understanding each other wordlessly, endlessly. He realized that these people, who had known each other, and fought for each other, held some kind of calm together.
Sasuke stared at Shikamaru’s hand, holding his tea cup. The man had a ring on his finger. They were all growing up, that was for sure. In between them, the waiter put down his sake. He took a small sip. Naruto was laughing at Sakura brightly. He had gotten her green earrings at the market in a village near Oda. She seemed to like them.
‘Are you getting married?’ he asked Shikamaru.
The man glanced at him, a rare smile on his face. He sighed, as if that happiness made him tired. As if love was tiresome to him. Maybe it was. Sometimes it was tiresome to care so much about someone. ‘Yeah. To Temari. You know, Sabaku.’
She’d been protecting Gaara, he did remember that. They were quite the opposite, her and Shikamaru. She was loud and stern. Sometimes that just worked, he guessed. ‘Congratulations.’
‘Yeah, thanks.’ Shikamaru shrugged. The first dishes were put on the table. He guessed that they’d all be sharing. The rest seemed to know the concept of this restaurant already. ‘You too.’ He didn’t exactly know what that meant, he gave Shikamaru a thankful smile anyway.
Naruto had decided that touching him and yelling at his friends was something he could combine just fine, apparently. Sasuke felt Naruto’s strong hold on his upper leg, and watched how Naruto pointed his – still wet from his ramen – chopsticks at Kiba.
‘No, you’re the one who doesn’t fucking get it! If you take two cows–’ Sasuke zoned out again. These people could talk about anything as long as it wasn’t important, and he felt quite grateful for that. More than once one of the boys had been smacked because they tried to tease Sakura and Ino about Naruto ‘stealing away their childhood crush’ and Sasuke had quite enjoyed them getting the punches they deserved too. He was drinking his sake slowly, but fast enough to ease into the situation. Naruto was drinking a beer, laughing even louder than he usually would.
Once in a while he’d turn to Sasuke, breathe into his ear, and ask him: ‘You still good?’
After Sasuke made a noise that told Naruto everything was alright, Naruto decided on kissing his ear, then his jaw. He absentmindedly wondered how drunk Naruto was. He wasn’t doing anything he usually wouldn’t but– well– ‘Fucking God, guys, we know you’re in love. Get a room already!’
Naruto pulled back and laughed. ‘We’re literally buying a house, so we got that room covered.’
Sasuke rolled his eyes at his lover. He was being stupid.
Sakura piped up curiously. ‘You’re actually buying that old house?’
‘Well yeah,’ Naruto sipped his beer, leaned into him a little bit more. ‘We renovated a bit, and we covered up leaks and stuff like that, it’s actually a really good deal, I think.’ Naruto shrugged, mumbled: ‘Never had a home before so– yeah–’
So. That’s just what it was.
They weren’t people who easily felt at home somewhere.
Actually; neither one of them had expected to ever feel safe or at home again. Maybe Naruto had dreamed of it, without much faith, but he certainly hadn’t dared to.
Sasuke slid his hand against Naruto’s – that was still holding his leg firmly – and caressed Naruto’s pinky softly.
‘Hm, that’s amazing,’ said Sakura; she was the first one to speak. Soon after, everyone was congratulating them excitedly. Sasuke tried to nod, thank them, but he ended up kind of avoiding the attention.
Shikamaru bumped against his shoulder. ‘Feeling at home after everything you two have been through.. this must be a special place.’
He could feel a smile creeping up to his lips. He nodded.
Ino yelled: ‘Oh! You should give a housewarming party!’
‘We've been living there for months. I think the house is warmed already,’ Naruto answered. Sasuke chuckled at Naruto’s stupid joke– he liked him so much.
Ino rolled her eyes dramatically. ‘I really want to see the garden though.’
Naruto blushed as soon as someone mentioned the garden, like he always did, and Sasuke felt his heart explode. He fucking loved this man. He leaned against Naruto. ‘They can come over.’ Naruto turned to him. ‘Not too many people at once though, it scares Sesame.’ And him. No need to tell anyone about that, though; Naruto knew.
Sakura said more than once that they could stay over at her place. They, at this point drunk as hell, said that they missed Sesame and wanted to go home. Naruto laughed excitedly at the idea of cuddling their cat. Sakura gave them a worried look, knowing that they still had quite some walking to do while they could barely stand up straight.
‘We'll be fine, Sakura!’ Naruto yelled obnoxiously, still hanging off Sasuke’s shoulder. Sasuke put his arm underneath Naruto’s armpits and hummed to agree.
‘Okay, whatever. Not like you ever listen to me.’ Fair enough. She was right about that.
The walk sobered them up. Though Naruto kept hanging off him, swinging their interlocked hands, making up little dances. Sasuke couldn’t help but feel light because of everything his lover did.
They chatted about their friends, a little later Naruto was complaining, telling him story’s Sasuke had obviously overheard already. Sasuke didn’t exactly mind him retelling everything. He felt soft listening to Naruto’s excited version of the story.
He shrugged when Naruto asked about his opinion. ‘It’s not my business.’
Naruto chuckled. ‘I guess that’s right.’ He bumped against Sasuke’s shoulder as if he was joking about something. ‘You’re so calm.’
Was he? Really? Sometimes he felt calm, but he didn’t exactly know if he was just comparing himself to his past self. Compared to his past self almost everyone was calm. ‘Hm,’ he shrugged.
‘You are though! You make me feel calm, at least.’
‘Am I not just indifferent?’
Naruto stopped to look at him carefully. There were still hints of his grin on his face. ‘Are you? Indifferent?’
He turned to Naruto. He was looking beautiful in the light of the moon, his hair seemed a little lighter. It was a clear evening. For a while, he didn’t answer Naruto. He looked up at the sky, felt a little overwhelmed by the amount of stars, even though he saw them almost every day.
‘No. No, I’m not.’
Naruto walked up to him, placed his palm around Sasuke’s jaw. ‘I know.’ He kissed his nose, then his lips, very softly. ‘You never were.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I know.’ Naruto looked at him sternly. ‘I do.’ He kissed him again, a little bit more sensual this time. He opened his lips against Sasuke’s, let their mouths fall together in a pace they knew as if it was a home.
Light. He felt light as Naruto interlaced their fingers with their lips still connected. The clumsiness of those warm touches made him feel light. The sake made him feel light. The fact he’d done it; he’d hung out with Naruto’s friends. That he’d shown them that he'd take care of Naruto. The fact that they had seemed to believe him. The fact that Naruto still loved him, even if they hadn’t. Light. Light. So fucking light.
‘Let’s go home.’
Sasuke pushed his nose into Naruto’s hair, breathed in deeply. ‘Yeah.’
By the time they got home they were still a bit giddy. It was late. They opened the door to the engawa and pulled their futons outside, laid them against each other. Naruto almost fell while doing so, twice. Every time Sasuke tried to tell him to be careful, Naruto kissed him so he’d shut up. Sure as hell worked. Sasuke got two cups of tea while Naruto gathered the pillows and the big orange blanket. He was making something that looked like a pillow fort outside. Sasuke couldn’t help but smile as he walked outside.
‘Pillow party,’ Naruto mumbled. ‘The best kind of party.’
Sasuke put their tea down, then he sat down on their futon, his feet on either side of Naruto. ‘I’ll tell Sakura you said that.’
‘Oh she knows. She’s been with me for a while, and it’s always been you.’
‘Hm, yeah.’ Not in the way he would have wanted Naruto to be into him– not back then. It had been– complicated. Something that was heavier than the love that might have been there. He didn’t want to get into it. He accepted Naruto’s words for what they were; it had always been him, in whatever way that might have been back then.
‘Come closer,’ Naruto said, pulling him into his lap slowly. Sasuke sat on top of Naruto’s lap, watched those bright blue eyes stare at him intensely. He bit his lip. Naruto grinned. ‘Take this off.’ Naruto pulled on his shirt.
He took it off, just as Naruto had asked. Naruto pulled off his own shirt as well, then pulled the orange blanket around Sasuke’s shoulders. ‘I’m not cold,’ Sasuke said. Which was ignored by Naruto, who just hummed and started kissing his arm, his neck and then his nipple. Sasuke let his hands tangle inside of Naruto’s hair, put his lips to the top of his head.
‘Sasuke,’ Naruto breathed out while pulling back. It didn’t seem to serve a purpose. A second later they were kissing again, deeply. Naruto moved his warm fingertips from his hips to his armpits. He left his mouth sloppily and licked his jaw. He couldn’t mind the wetness. He moaned out, tried to push the sound back. Naruto’s thumb pushed against the tip of his chin, moving his head to look up at the sky, and then he licked his neck.
Sasuke felt shivers fill his chest. He pushed his hips forward, against Naruto. That earned him a groan, some teeth against his skin. ‘Take your pants off,’ Naruto said against his neck. The vibrations shot through him, right through his heart, towards his crotch. He got up, pushed his pants down as fucking quickly as he could imagine himself doing so. Naruto did the same. He took Sasuke standing up as a chance to pull him in by the hips, to take his cock into his mouth playfully, only to pull back again.
‘Fucking hell,’ Sasuke moaned out.
Naruto grinned up at him, apparently proud of himself. ‘You’re so good.’
‘Right .’
‘Come here.’ Naruto led him into his lap again. As soon as Sasuke was where Naruto wanted him, he was back to kissing Sasuke’s neck. Naruto gripped his hips roughly, pulling him forward. Satisfied, he panted then moved his hands down to Sasuke’s ass. ‘Still good?’
Sasuke kissed him. He felt light.
Naruto took that as the answer it was meant to be, and started fingering him. He felt overwhelmed by the way Naruto was filling him up, spoiling him. He pushed his tongue further into Naruto’s mouth, moaned into him softly. Naruto pulled back and chuckled hoarsely. ‘Hm, you like that?’ He fucking knew Sasuke did. ‘You want me to fuck you tonight?’
Why did Naruto think he had to ask every little thing? He was so– so fucking– ‘Hm, fuck me.’
Naruto pushed in his third finger. He licked Sasuke’s lips as if it was nothing. ‘You’re so beautiful.’
‘Shut up.’
Naruto chuckled again. He didn’t exactly want to admit how much he fucking loved that sound. ‘Nah.’ He pulled his fingers out of Sasuke, held onto his hips again. ‘Want to stay like this?’
Sasuke nodded, placing his entrance against Naruto’s cock. Naruto held on to his hip with one hand, kept the other onto Sasuke’s hair. He felt awfully aware of all the ways Naruto could push him onto his cock if he wanted to. Somewhere he wished Naruto would.
He let himself slide onto Naruto’s cock. Naruto moaned out. He tried to do so quietly, failing. ‘ Fuck. You’re so amazing.’
Sasuke put his arm around Naruto’s neck, moved his hips forward and back. Naruto closed his eyes tightly, then forcefully pushed them open just to look at Sasuke. Sasuke, who moved himself up and down, his eyes closed and breathing heavily. Sasuke, who grabbed a handful of Naruto’s hair tightly and pulled himself closer to his lover by the blonde locks. ‘Holy fucking–’
‘Shh– Naruto.’
Naruto grabbed his hips and neck, pulled Sasuke down onto himself roughly. Sasuke felt himself leaning into Naruto’s touch, unable to move. He didn’t have to; Naruto pushed into him deeply, in a merciless rhythm. He smiled lightly as Sasuke moaned out, licked Sasuke’s open lips. ‘Love you,’ Naruto whispered.
‘Yeah, I– fuck– Naruto–’
‘Hm, ah– shit–’ Naruto bit his neck softly, then licked his ear again. ‘I–’ he started fucking him rougher.
Sasuke couldn’t even move if he tried, he clung onto Naruto, shivers filling his stomach. He was seeing white. He– ’I’m– c– fuck–’
Just as he could feel himself climaxing, Naruto gripped his hair roughly pushed into him with more force and– Naruto moaned out, cumming inside of him. ‘– need you.’ He heard Naruto moan out as soon as his head functioned enough to think more than more, fucking more.
He pulled Naruto in as the other stopped moving, breathing against his lover’s forehead. For a while, they breathed together. When Sasuke finally felt like he could move again, he playfully, he turned his hips one more time. Naruto went wide eyed. ‘Fuck –’
Sasuke chuckled softly. ‘Is that good?’ he asked, a little mockingly.
‘You have no idea how good.’ Naruto rubbed his face against his chest, kissed his skin sweetly. ‘So fucking good.’
‘I think I might have an idea.’
‘Double that idea.’
Sasuke laughed softly. ‘Yeah?’
‘No.’ Naruto closed his eyes, sighed. ‘Triple, at least.’
‘Dramatic.’
In their sleep, Naruto had pulled him in tightly. Recently he found himself sleeping through an entire night more often than not, and so he didn’t mind Naruto’s endless cuddling. It made him feel safe.
It was still a bit cool outside, luckily. The birds were already telling him that it would be a sunny day. They were flying through his garden, making loud noises. The cicadas weren’t exactly quieting down either, but they seemed to never do so.
He wouldn't exactly mind losing the blanket they’d been sleeping underneath. It was definitely cool enough to lay in someone's arms underneath a blanket anymore. He squirmed out of Naruto’s arms. For a few seconds, he just let his arm enjoy the cool wind, then he reached out and touched Naruto’s face.
Naruto shot up. For a few seconds he looked at Sasuke, and then he said: ‘Awh– fuck.’
Sasuke touched the other’s back softly. ‘Nightmare?’ It didn’t sound like it. Naruto’s voice had been… clear.
Naruto pouted, looked down at him. ‘No.’ He laid himself back down on the futon. ‘Wanted to wake you up with breakfast.’
Sasuke tiredly looked at Naruto. He could be so.. stupid. ‘Why?’
‘Just to be nice, asshole.’
‘Well, I’m awake, so..’
‘Yeah I can see that.’ Naruto pouted again, hid his head against Sasuke’s shoulder. ‘Just– wanna– spoil you.’
He shifted a little. ‘I can stay here.’
Naruto looked up, his eyes bright.
Sasuke almost wanted to snort at his boyfriend. He was so– fuck . Who the hell would have thought they’d end up like this? ‘Yeah, I’ll snooze a bit. We have miso in the fridge. Use the pack from the market though, it’s the older one.’
Naruto kissed him excitedly, then stood up. ‘Yeah, cool.’
‘And don’t give Sesame that meat, I think it’s expire–’
‘Yeah, yeah. Relax.’ Naruto picked his book off the table, and handed it to Sasuke. ‘I’ll be fine.’
‘If you come back with instant ramen, I’ll punch you.’
‘I’d like to see you try.’
Sasuke chuckled. ‘You told me to relax. Make up your mind.’
‘You’re right. There’ll be no punching. Lay down. I’m going to make you the best fucking breakfast ever.’
Naruto had a plan, apparently. After breakfast, which had been surprisingly nice, he started packing up stuff because he wanted to go on a walk. ‘That picnic basket I brought when I first came over, do you still have it?’
And so he decided on taking a picnic basket, snacks, and whatever more. Usually, they’d just get some water and leave. Naruto wanted to do something extra, that was fine, except– ‘I hope you know you’ll be the one carrying all of that.’
Naruto grinned up at him. ‘Think I can’t handle it?’
He just rolled his eyes, moved to put on his walking shoes.
They started walking towards the flower mountain. On their way, Naruto made them stop at Kana’s, and he was handed something to drink she’d made herself. Maybe some rose wine. She had put it in a beautiful bottle, at least. Kana waved at him excitedly, he waved back, a bit confused.
‘What exactly are we doing?’
‘A date,’ Naruto answered simply. It seemed like a lot to go through for a date. He didn’t doubt that Naruto would go as far though, not even a second.
He wanted to ask why they were going on a date; why this was a date and not all the times they’d gone swimming, or on walks, or out for dinner, to the market, to the onsen, the pillow parties and all the times he’d cooked for Naruto. Had those been dates?
He wasn’t exactly an expert on the subject.
Naruto reached out and grabbed his hand. Holding hands always felt overwhelming; he figured it was because he had no other hand to back this one up. He briefly wondered what it would feel like if he still had two arms. Would it be less overwhelming? He doubted it; Naruto could sweep him off his feet with the dumbest shit.
The walk seemed shorter, now that they’d done it a few times. They knew where to rest. They knew where the clean streams of water were, so that they could wash their hands. He knew Naruto would put his wet, cold hands against his neck. He enjoyed it when Naruto actually did. Naruto complained about him not complaining, then let his fingers slide into his hair to caress his head lovingly.
And then they went on. They stopped to look at animals. Naruto sometimes left his side to check out trees or to look for frogs. He picked flowers and asked Sasuke if he knew which one it was, Sasuke always did.
It almost came as a surprise when they finally came to the flower field. They never exactly looked at the time, but when they were together time always seemed to go... fast. Not too fast, necessarily, but it would have been nice if time slowed down a little when he was next to Naruto. Just so he could enjoy those moments a little more.
Naruto walked onto the field. He looked at his lover's bright hair in the wind. Naruto seemed to match with the flowers; full of life.
Naruto looked back and grinned. ‘You want to sit here?’ He asked, holding out a blanket.
Sasuke couldn’t help but nod mindlessly.
The first time they’d gone here together, he’d recorded the memory. He’d been so afraid that they’d never come here again. Now Naruto was laying out drinks and glancing at him curiously; waiting for him to come sit down next to him in the massive field.
Sasuke, after a few moments of staring, sat down on the blanket next to Naruto. Naruto grinned at him.
For a while, they sat there in silence, looking over the field. No matter how often they went; a mountain top that felt like the end of the world filled with flowers, had them breathless. He wouldn’t mind staying here with Naruto for eternity. He wouldn’t complain if that was his faith.
The wind blew softly, just enough to make the flowers dance a little.
‘Do you remember the first time we went here?’
Naruto knew he did, still he nodded for Naruto to go on.
‘I asked you if you loved someone, and you told me you did.’ Naruto looked down at his hands. Sasuke had said so much more, back then. Stupid things; things that had almost fucked everything up again. Naruto didn’t want to dwell on that, apparently. ‘And that you’re gay, had me curious as fuck.’ Naruto looked at him, his skin touched by the sun. He smiled softly. Sasuke wondered where Naruto was going with this. ‘Even if you hadn’t said anything, being here with you made me realize I didn’t want anything less. I thought; if happiness like this exists, why the hell would I settle for anything less.’
Sasuke reached out, touched Naruto’s hand lightly. Naruto was making him nervous; Naruto was making him feel whole. He wanted to hold him.
‘And I didn’t. I’m so grateful for that.’
Naruto pulled his hand away from his, sat down on both of his knees to turn to the picnic basket, to Sasuke. He opened the basket clumsily, with shivering hands. He got out something small, held it in his hand tightly for a while.
Sasuke picked his own nails, nervously, and stared at Naruto’s hands as if they were the only thing that existed in this world. Naruto was holding a small box. A dark blue one, suede.
Fucking hell– Naruto was–
Naruto breathed in sharply. ‘I’m not– You don’t have to marry me.’ This idiot. ‘Unless you want that. I know that marriage is just another construct made up by old people and I don’t know– I kind of like the idea of forever– but– well– I’m not going to ask you to marry me.’ Naruto swallowed. ‘I just– I want to offer you forever. For real this time, no bullshit. Would you stay with me forever?’ Naruto looked at him with wide eyes. There seemed to be some kind of sparkle inside of them. Naruto was– sure, he was nervous, but he didn’t seem afraid. He seemed hopeful.
Before Sasuke could answer, Naruto mumbled a quick: ‘Shit.’ He opened the blue box. ‘Wrong order, I–’ he held it out towards Sasuke. Inside, there was a necklace with the Uchiha and the Uzumaki symbol on it. It was a silver necklace, their symbols stood proud, simple. He remembered that necklace painfully well. It looked like the one his mother had worn. The one she’d held to show him– to show him what to get when he was old enough to ask someone to marry him. When you really love someone, and you want them to become an Uchiha.
‘It was kind of hard to– eh– find someone who wanted to talk about how the Uchiha clan did these kinds of things. I almost gave up and just bought a ring but then I found the person who used to make these and met up with him yesterday– and I’m rambling and you haven’t said anything– I– please say something.’
Sasuke stared at his lover and then, just because he couldn’t help himself, he laughed. Naruto was such an idiot. ‘You– you’re amazing,’ he said.
Naruto gave him a confused look.
Sasuke shifted so that he was sitting a little closer to Naruto. ‘Put that around my neck.’
Naruto nodded excitedly, taking the necklace into his hands. ‘Is that a yes?’
‘To forever? I really–’, be honest with him, ‘wouldn’t want anything else.’
The floor creaked with every step Naruto set on the floor. They’d hurried back when they noticed a storm coming. A big part of the route they’d ran, Naruto had been laughing a lot. Sasuke had felt warm. This was his life now.
Now Sasuke sat on the floor, listening to birds hurrying away towards the nest they had made, ready to protect their family. The wood of their house was creaking with the wind loudly. He wondered if they had actually fixed the leaks properly, or if he’d soon hear the dripping again.
He laid down on his back, the floor creaking a protest. Naruto was in the kitchen, telling Sesame that he was making human food. He smiled lightly. Naruto had finally managed to get that Ichiraku recipe, pretended he had done so for Sasuke. Even Sesame knew Naruto really just wanted to celebrate today with ramen. That was fine; Sasuke had taken liking to the endless smell and stories about ramen.
He heard the softest steps on the living room floor. Sesame, probably upset by the lack of food Naruto was giving him, laid down on Sasuke’s stomach. He was purring. Sasuke closed his eyes, placed his hand onto Sesame’s soft fur.
Naruto was humming, a pan was sizzling, he could hear something being cut.
‘Sasuke, do you want mushrooms in yours?’ Naruto called out.
Sasuke lifted Sesame off his stomach, held him inside of his arms. Still cuddling Sesame, he walked towards the kitchen. The kitchen was a terrible mess, as he had expected. Naruto was focusing on dinner as hard as was humanly possible, as if one wrong move would start another shinobi war.
Well, ramen had never been just ramen to Naruto.
He leaned against Naruto’s back, his face buried in his neck. Sesame was warm against his chest, purring sweetly as if he didn’t mind being stuck between them. ‘Hey,’ Naruto turned the gas down a little. The soup stopped boiling. ‘You good?’
Sasuke let Sesame jump onto the ground. He placed his, now free, arm around Naruto’s stomach. He buried his face even deeper against Naruto. The first rain started falling. It pattered on the plants in the garden, onto the roof.
‘Dinner will be done in no time,’ Naruto said, softly now.
He nodded against the other’s neck. The blonde hair tickling his face slightly. He felt so– so calm. They were inside of their house, filled with the smell of homemade food.
‘Naruto?’
Naruto turned his head a little. He placed his lips against the top of Sasuke’s head and then made a curious sound, as if to ask ‘What is it?’
He pulled Naruto a little closer, breathed in. ‘Thank you.’
Notes:
Thank you all for reading this story and commenting. I hope you guys know that you mean the world to me. I also hope this story will keep on making you guys happy, and that you all enjoyed the final chapter (:
You can ask me questions on Tumblr or you can follow me on Instagram !
-----
Here's some extra's:-Naruto and Sasuke will go to Konoha more often, but they see it as a 'date spot' more than as the place that is their home. (Or, as Sasuke likes to call it: a place with an actual bookstore)
-Sasuke gives Naruto a bouquet at one point and Naruto cries about it.
-Kana convinces them to make a memorial for their families in the forest. They grow the flowers that are Sasuke's mum's favourite.
-Their house naturally becomes a vacation spot for some of their friend, who are all stressed as fuck. Sakura won't stop going to the mountain's onsen before sleeping over and lazing around with Sesame all day.
-The room that was supposed to be the bedroom, which these boys have never used in their lives, becomes a guest room. (Iruka puts old pictures of Naruto neither one of them has ever seen up on the wall.)
-Kana knew Naruto was going to ask Sasuke to "marry" him from the start, and she teased him about it when Sasuke wasn't looking.
-Tbh all of Konoha knew Naruto was going to ask Sasuke & it had gotten annoying.
-Naruto learns what sounds calm Sasuke down. They learn to get each other out of panic attacks.
-They celebrate their 'forever' on the flower mountain. Turns out that Kana, Sakura and Ino are very good at making plans together, and they plan the most magical dinner. Almost everyone cries.
-Team Taka (except from Karin) has missed a lot of information before they got the invitation. They're mainly confused. They decide to come over more often (they always steal vegetables from the garden before leaving).
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