Chapter Text
Something about Marius bugs Jonny. He watches him flit about the Aurora like a bird, rushing to whatever catches his fancy. He's not all that different when they go planetside, either, but that isn't what bothers Jonny.
Marius wants to be a doctor. Wants, because he isn't one. Jonny doesn't think that Marius could properly point to one vital organ on an unlabeled diagram. He'd once heard about the concept where people lacked the knowledge they needed to properly understand how bad they were at something. Jonny believes this to be true for Marius.
But the thing is, if Marius didn't understand medical science, why does he want to be a doctor so damn bad? Even Brian, an actually licensed professional, didn't get so excitable over it.
Jonny is lying in the medbay after getting his right leg blown off by Tim during a scuffle in the canon bay, and Marius hums rather loudly off to the side. He's sorting his medical cabinet for the sixth time this hour, and Jonny can't stand up to get his gun and blow Marius’ brains out just so he doesn't have to listen to the clinking of bottles any longer.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jonny finally snaps.
Marius has the gall to look offended. “I'm making sure that my layout is optimal for when I'll need it!”
“Well, would you like to focus on helping the patient you actually have right now?” Jonny gestures to the wad of towels Marius used to stem the bleeding while he leg grew back. “This is the sorriest excuse for care I've ever seen.”
“You're being awfully rude to the man giving you service.”
“This is what always happens though, isn't it? One of us comes to the med bay, we rib you about how much you don't know what the fuck you're doing, and still you act like it's a surprise or that you're a good doctor.”
Marius makes an indignant sound, snapping the cabinet doors shut. “I'm sorry that I want to be nice!”
“Why do you do this?”
“I just said I'm trying to be nice!”
“No, why do you want to be a doctor?” Jonny’s voice drips with malice. “Why this of all things?”
Marius’ face goes deadly serious at that. It almost sends a chill down Jonny’s spine to not see a grin or cartoonish frustration. Without a word, he grabs a chair, pulls it to the side of Jonny’s cot and sits down.
“You really want to know?” He asks.
“I…” Jonny is almost having second thoughts with how solemn Marius has become. He shakes himself out of it. He didn't have anything to fear from Marius von Raum. “Yes.”
Marius studies him carefully, as if searching for something that might prove Jonny unworthy. Then he leans forward like someone about to tell a great secret. “I think that life is gorgeous. Doctors are people who work so intimately with it, and I've always wanted to be a part of that. To help preserve it, though not unnaturally of course.”
Jonny has to take a few metaphorical steps back to get a handle on what he was just told. Then he barks out a laugh. “Oh, my god. That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.”
Surprisingly, Marius remains impassive. “Oh?”
“Life isn't the inherently good thing that you're acting like it is,” Jonny sneers. “More often than not people choose to be awful. After all, look at us. As immortals shouldn't we be the picture of life that everyone looks to as an example? And here we are, broken beyond repair, and taking that pain out on everyone else.
“Look at our stories. Name one person who came close to immortality and was a good person. Cole, the Olympians, Odin, they're all violent and tyrannical dictators. Life corrupts people.”
“So that's what life is to you?”
“That's what it is for everyone.” He struggles to sit up, ignoring the pain flaring up in his leg. “Everyone stays alive out of spite or stupidity, or because they're forced to.”
Marius nods, and sits back in his seat. “You hate being alive.”
“I… Yes! I thought this was established information! You were there when I tried that singularity stunt.”
“The thing is,” Marius muses. “I think that you project your own dissatisfaction and anger towards your own existence onto everything else. To you, there must be something wrong with life itself or you wouldn't feel that way.”
Jonny's heart would have dropped were it not nailed into place. “That isn't true. My previous points still stand.”
“Then how about I tell you this.” He crosses his legs, smiling serenely. “You are placing a false equivalence on immortality being the example of life that everyone strives to. Life is wonderful because it ends. You're given your allotted time in the universe to leave your mark, and you always do. The people in our stories die, and it's beautiful not because what comes after, but what came before. Life isn't defined by immortals, it's defined by everyone who isn't.”
Jonny grips the thin sheets beneath him. It didn't make any sense to him. “And all of that makes you want to be a doctor?”
The smile breaks out into a grin. “Yes! To be the reason that life is sustained would be amazing. I don't endorse unnecessary death, you know. I like people to realize how amazing they are”
Jonny doesn't speak again while he's in the med bay. He can't. Thankfully his leg grows back not too long after the end of their conversation. Marius chatters on as he lets Jonny lean on him for a lap around the room to get used to having nerves again. And then, after all that, it's time for him to leave so he can get revenge on Tim and some new pants.
He pauses at the door. “Marius?”
“Hm?”
“You said life is beautiful because it ends. What does that say about your life?”
Jonny watches him carefully for any signs of strain or doubt, but if it's an act he doesn't crack. He merely says, “I'll just have to keep on going and find out, won't I? And isn't that something else that's wonderful?”