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There was a dark shape floating above him. No, now it had separated, there were two shapes. Two distinct but fuzzy shapes of roughly human head proportion. Slowly his focus cleared enough to make out one Haruka and one Majima. Make that a concerned Haruka and a concerned and livid Majima.
“Am I dead?” Kiryu rasped.
Majima’s lip curled in a silent snarl and he backed away for a second.
“Uncle Kaz!” Haruka swung an arm around his shoulders, carefully pressing herself to his chest around all the bandages, wires, and tubes.
“Oh,” Kiryu murmured, feeling her warm skin on his, her soft hair falling over them both, “I guess not then.”
“Ha!” Majima spat somewhere he couldn’t see, voice rough.
“Uncle Kaz, you were passed out in the snow,” Haruka leaned back to explain, “You staggered all the way to the arena and I found you. You were so cold and there was blood everywhere…” Her eyes filled with tears, still red from the last time she cried.
Kiryu winced. “I’m sorry, Haruka.” He tried to lift a hand to comfort her, but there were too many wires in the way. He tried to use the other and hissed as his shoulder protested.
“No, no, it’s alright, I’m alright,” Haruka quickly rubbed the tears away, “Don’t strain yourself.”
“It is not alright,” Majima muttered darkly.
“I was trying to come home to you,” Kiryu murmured, half-explaining, half-remembering, “You were being so brave and I just wanted to tell you I love you- and how proud I am of you.”
“U-Uncle Kaz!” Haruka’s tears came faster.
Kiryu swallowed hard, watching her shake. “I’m so proud to be your father.”
Majima came over again, wrapping an arm around Haruka as she sobbed. She turned into him, letting him hold her close while Kiryu couldn’t. Kiryu tried to drag his eyes up to Majima’s face, but he’d turned it just far enough away Kiryu couldn’t read it.
“Ya’ve been so strong, Haruka-chan,” Majima whispered to her, petting her hair, “Why don’t ya take a rest for a bit? You’ve been up all night.”
“S-So have you,” Haruka hiccupped, wiping at her cheeks.
Majima just smiled. “Didn’t y’know? That’s what they make tough old bastards like me for.” He winked and managed to get a small smile out of Haruka.
Haruka rubbed at her puffy eyes and nodded a little. “I could use a drink of water,” she agreed.
“There ya go, dry those pretty eyes of yers and get a cup of water. I bet Saejima’s lonely. He’ll be glad ta see ya,” Majima encouraged, patting her firmly before she made to go.
Haruka nodded again, taking a little courage in that. She turned back at the door and offered Kiryu a smile. “I’m glad you’re awake, Uncle Kaz.”
Kiryu nodded helplessly, still trying to take in the sudden friendship apparently formed between Majima and Haruka, but she was gone with a soft click of the door before he could think of anything to ask.
“Just tell me one thing, Kiryu-chan,” Majima hissed, voice cold as ice, “Were ya trying ta kill yerself?”
“Ex-fucking-scuse me?” Kiryu answered, turning his head to stare up at Majima’s furious expression.
“Ya know what I’m askin’,” Majima snarled, gripping the rail of his hospital bed, “Ya swan off on yer own, lethally injured already, to take on some hopped-up young blood with a chip on his shoulder, only to collapse bleeding in the snow! What the fuck were ya thinking?!” Majima’s voice escalated in pitch and volume with every word, nearly screeching by the end.
Kiryu’s jaw dropped. “I was protecting my-”
“Bullshit!” Majima raged at him, releasing the hospital bed to kick heavily into a waiting chair, almost severing it in one blow. “You were protecting your legacy and that’s it!”
“My legacy -” Kiryu gasped, feeling his pulse pounding in his throat echoing the rapid beeps in the room. He craned his neck up to stare at Majima. “You were DEAD!” he roared, gathering as much energy and force into the word as he could.
Majima snapped back to him, appalled.
“You were fucking dead, that’s what they told me, that’s what the news said, that’s what everyone said,” Kiryu gasped, breathing ragged and thready now. He was surprised to find something wet running down his cheek. He had to lay back down, his exhaustion was starting to cloud his vision again. “What was I supposed- to fucking do?” He collapsed back, just breathing for a second.
Majima leaned back over him, hovering awkwardly, rage still evident in his features, but concern hampering his motions. “Trust that I wouldn’t just die on ya like that,” Majima muttered.
Kiryu glared up at him. “Daigo- came to me- told me there was t-trouble.”
“There was,” Majima nodded, looking away, “But we could handle it.”
“D-Didn’t believe him,” Kiryu panted, ignoring him, “T-Til it was too late. You were… you were dead.” Kiryu gulped, feeling the lump in his throat now as another hot tear trickled out. “You were dead,” he whimpered, “They said- on the radio- you were- and I didn’t even- I wasn’t even there .” Kiryu’s voice choked on a sob.
Majima was just staring at him now, the anger and worry giving way to horror, as Kiryu tried to put words to everything he’d felt in that taxi cab, trying to explain the utter void that ripped through him when he heard, that drove him back to Kamurocho with such ferocity, that had fueled him through this, to this very moment.
Kiryu could feel the sobs shaking him as they had then, but he swallowed them, trying to keep them quiet. “I wasn’t even with you,” he whispered, lonely tears leaking out the corners of his eyes and puddling in his pillow, “I should have- I should have been.” He bit his lip hard.
“Shh, shhh,” Majima’s voice trembled a little as he put out a hand, thumbing away Kiryu’s tears, “it wasn’t yer fault. Ya weren’t-”
“But it was.” Kiryu closed his eyes hard. “That’s why you’re mad now. It’s my fault you were alone, you and Daigo. It’s my fault you had to do everything alone. It’s my fault you-”
Majima covered his mouth with his hand, pressing the next words back behind his lips. Kiryu blinked up at him.
“Don’t,” Majima shook his head, his voice wet, but his stare firm, “Don’t say that, Kiryu-chan.” He pressed his lips closed and withdrew his hand. Kiryu watched him sigh, letting go of something sad and trembling.
“But ya don’t get to tell me why I’m mad.” Majima shook his head, folding his arms. “Whatever else ya are t’me, how dare ya treat yer own life so recklessly.” He glared down at him, his anger starting to return. “All them kids of yers, that sweet girl outside who loves ya, and ya never give a thought for ‘em when it matters.”
Kiryu felt protest rising up inside him, but Majima leaned closer than he ever had, pointing his finger in his face. “No, ya listen now, Kiryu-chan, ‘cause I’m through doing things yer way if this is how ya gonna do ‘em,” he hissed, “I didn’t say ya didn’t care for ‘em, I know ya care for ‘em more than yer own life and that’s the fucking problem. Yer no good for ‘em if ya willing to throw it all away fer nothin’. What do they have to rely on then? Haw? Raising kids ain’t about dyin’ fer ‘em, it’s about livin’ fer ‘em. A thing ya’ve apparently never learned.”
Majima sat back a minute and Kiryu just stared, gobsmacked.
“I s’pose I can’t blame ya too much, ya never had a good model,” Majima sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “But I woulda thought ya’d have figured it out by now.” He looked back at Kiryu and leaned over him again. “So when I say I’m mad, I’m good and proper fucking furious with ya and how ya treat yer responsibilities. Ya got no right throwin’ yer life away when ya got so many dependin’ on ya. And don’t bother lyin’ t’me about it,” he snarled for good measure.
For a moment there was silence. Kiryu couldn’t imagine Majima talking to him like this. And yet when he tried to come up with a defense, he found nothing. His heart twisted, uneasy under the truth of Majima’s words.
“I thought,” he tried after a moment, staring at nothing, “that if I couldn’t do this, if I couldn’t stop all threats, then I couldn’t be with them.”
Majima groaned and pulled up a chair he hadn’t damaged to fall into it like a sack of potatoes. “Yer a fucking moron, Kiryu-chan,” he sighed.
Kiryu winced. “I was told I was a greater threat to them sticking with them than I was leaving,” he mumbled.
“Who the fuck told’ya that?” Majima sneered.
Kiryu blinked and looked over at him. “Mirei Park.”
Majima turned white. “She said what? ”
“She was the one that told me to leave,” Kiryu explained, watching with interest as Majima passed a hand over his face, his eye distantly panicked.
Majima cleared his throat after a minute. “B-Be that as it may, that’s the worst advice ya’ve ever been given,” his voice grew steadier as he spoke, “Running away from the people ya love is never the answer.”
“But-”
Majima shot him a look. “No. It isn’t.” He shook his head. “It’d be one thing if ya were on yer own and you were only hurting me,” he mumbled, “It’d be one thing if ya were genuinely doing the right thing. But this was reckless Kiryu-chan. Ya gonna get yerself killed and it’ll be fer nothing.” He looked down at Kiryu and his face was so sad it almost broke Kiryu’s heart.
Kiryu swallowed hard. “Well, what am I supposed to do? Not fight?” Kiryu rolled his head back, staring up at the ceiling helplessly. “Just let terrible people have their way?”
“It ain’t your job to right every wrong, Kiryu-chan. And when there is a fight, ya don’t have ta do it alone,” Majima shifted, pressing closer to the bed, looking in on him. “Ya never alone,” he murmured, voice softening, “I don’t know where ya got it into ya head that- I thought…” Majima dropped his head, squeezing his arms around himself, “I hoped ya knew that.”
Kiryu looked over at him and had to shift his head over to peer at Majima’s face staring hopelessly at the ground, his eyebrows crinkled in despair. It came to Kiryu slowly that he had been trying to do it alone all this time. He hadn’t meant to, it hadn’t been a thing he thought about. He just– he forgot. And seeing Majima’s face, Kiryu realized that all this time he’d been denying what was right in front of him. He never even had to ask. “Fuck…” Kiryu mumbled.
Majima blinked at him, frowning still.
“I didn’t– fuck, I didn’t,” Kiryu swallowed and wished he had Majima’s hand to squeeze, “I’m so stupid, I’m so sorry, Majima.”
Majima laughed painfully. “Ain’t no news there, Kiryu-chan.” He swallowed. “I just figured… I wanted– shit, now I can’t talk.” He leaned back, pushing his hair away from his face and Kiryu could see a sparkle of tears on his cheek.
“Jesus, fuck, Majima, why didn’t you ever say?” Kiryu whimpered and swallowed hard, trying to recover his voice, “I didn’t, I really didn’t…”
Majima squeezed his eye tight. “I know, but could ya not tell me that ya never thought about why I was always helpin’ ya?” He sniffled, fists clenched on his knees. “I never said because of this. I figured ya didn’t want my help. Not because ya didn’t… I kept tryin’ t’tell ya.” He gasped, finally opening his eye again, wide and pained, “I woulda done anythin’ for ya…” He shook his head faintly.
“Please give me your hand!” Kiryu begged, desperate for some kind of physical touch to undo all the hurt they had to work through now.
Majima looked down at him and obediently reached out, sliding his hand into Kiryu’s and letting Kiryu clench him as tight as his injured shoulder would allow. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” Kiryu hoarsely explained, trying his best not to devolve into more tears too, “I just… didn’t think about it. I didn’t… I’m so sorry, I’ve been so stupid all these years.”
Majima just sighed and cupped his other hand over the top of theirs, squeezing gently. “I-It’s alright, Kiryu,” he murmured, “Really. I’ve known for a long time.”
Kiryu snapped up at him, horrified at his gracious acceptance. Majima soldiered on, heedless, “I just wasn’t expectin’ to talk about it right now. But it’s alrigh-”
“Kiss me,” Kiryu asked.
Majima flinched, pulling back a little. “Kiryu-chan-”
“I can’t fucking believe you let me treat you like this all this time,” Kiryu hissed, “There’s no excuse for it. You’ve been the most important person to me and I never stopped to think about how you felt, even though I’ve been in love with you since I came back from prison.”
Majima hissed, jaw falling open.
Kiryu looked up at him, unblinking. “I have.” It was weird to say now for the first time, but it was true. Somehow he had the courage to say it now, after coming so close to losing everything, the words were finally clear. “I didn’t always know it. I didn’t really know it until they said you were dead and it… destroyed me.” His jaw clenched at the memory, but he pushed the feeling back down. “But I knew it then and it had been true all this time.” He took a pause, not daring to look at Majima for this next part. “I just– kept telling myself I’d get over it, that it would never work, that I was so busy with trying to get my life together, I couldn’t be in love with you at the same time.”
Kiryu swallowed, looking down at their hands. “I didn’t know what I wanted. I wanted a family and I wanted to be a yakuza and none of it worked right and… I didn’t know how to love you. I couldn’t love you. Everyone I loved was dead and it hurt so much.” Kiryu breathed hard, feeling something ancient inside him finally start to ease. “And I thought I was happy. I thought I was happy in Okinawa with my little family and that if I just did that, then that would be enough. And I forgot, I tried to forget, that I loved you so much.” His voice softened to a whisper. “But I kept coming back to you, I kept coming back and– it ached.” Kiryu’s chest tightened in recognition.
“It ached, inside,” Kiryu rasped, “To look at you and realize how much I missed–” He cut himself off to swallow hard. “I just didn’t know what to do. I’d made my choice. I couldn’t abandon those kids, like you said. And I didn’t-”
“I would have taken them in,” Majima gasped, hands trembling. Kiryu looked up at him, knowing they were both crying now. Majima met his eyes and shook his head. “I wouldn’t have made you leave them behind. So I built you a house, a fortress,” he admitted, looking away like he was embarrassed as the tears continued to roll down his cheek, “Somewhere safe, for all of you, if you ever wanted to use it. I figured if- if I made it then, it would just be your choice, y’know? If ya wanted to stay or-” The tears were coming so fast now the sobs threatened to strangle him as they shook his chest.
“Fuck, I’m so stupid! I really fucked this up,” Kiryu laughed bitterly through the sobs, roughly rubbing his tears off on his shoulder, regardless of the wires, “Right? I didn’t even think…” He gasped, squeezing Majima’s hand as tightly as he could.
Majima grinned hesitantly at him. “I love kids,” he mumbled, shrugging and snuffling wetly, “I would have helped ya with anything, anything ya wanted–”
“I’m so, so fucking stupid,” Kiryu muttered, pressing as close to Majima as he could, trying to wiggle closer inspite of his restraints.
“I’ve loved ya so much,” Majima whispered, looking down at him with all the adoration in the world, “Every day, Kiryu-chan.” He reached out with one hand and let it brush Kiryu’s temple, the fine hairs there melting away into his sideburn, cupping his tender cheek at last. “If ya wanted to be gone, I was okay with that. And if ya wanted to be here, I was okay with that too,” he nodded, “I never wanted ya t’have ta choose.” Kiryu watched him swallow and wondered if either of them had any tears left.
Kiryu tilted his face into Majima’s palm, gulping a breath to speak. “But I did choose,” he murmured, “I just didn’t know what I was choosing.”
Majima bit his lip and nodded, his gaze dropping.
Kiryu looked away too. “I wish– fuck, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” He mumbled, closing his eyes and turning even more into Majima’s touch. If only that would take it all away.
“For what it’s worth, ya made a good choice,” Majima mumbled in reply, “I know how ya love those kids and I know they make ya happy. That’s why I’m so fucking mad the way you abandon them all the time.” But Majima’s voice was a sigh now, not a shout.
Kiryu squinted his eyes open again and pleaded, “I was trying–”
“I know,” Majima nodded, cutting him off, “But ya wrong, Kiryu-chan. Ya can’t die for people. It doesn’t help.”
Kiryu squirmed, looking down at the white hospital sheets and his own battered body. “I’m yakuza,” he said at last, “I’m not good for them.”
“Bullshit,” Majima insisted, “Good or bad isn’t about what you are, it’s what ya do. Ya take care of ‘em right?”
Kiryu grimaced. “Well–”
“Ya feed ‘em, ya clothe ‘em, ya help them when they’re hurtin’, right?” He blinked at Kiryu patiently.
Kiryu nodded. “Yes.”
“Ya think they give a shit what’s on yer back if ya do all that for ‘em? And you’re the only person that’s there for them. Who’s always there to help, to fix things when they’re wrong, to help them when they can’t help themselves. That’s what counts. Yer the person they look up to.” Majima sat back, nodding firmly.
Kiryu knew this was true, thinking of his own childhood. The people who mattered to him were the people who were there and took care of him, like Kazama-san. He’d grown up wanting to be just like him because of it. Kiryu winced.
“But I’m also the person putting them in danger,” he objected, face contorting, “I’m a target, I shouldn’t-”
“Yeah, and so is the prime minister,” Majima groaned, slumping forward. “Look, it may have been something to consider when ya started down this path,” he admitted, scratching at a sideburn as his elbows rested on his knees, “But that ship has boarded, sailed, docked on the other side of the world, and it ain’t coming back. Maybe people have taken pot shots at ‘em because ya cared about ‘em and maybe that coulda been avoidable,” Majima shrugged, then pinned him with a look, “but ya stay with ‘em, ya don’t leave, and ya fight ‘em off. And ya don’t do it alone.”
Kiryu felt the tender guilt rise up inside him again under Majima’s glare, but he swallowed it down. “But wouldn’t it be easier if they didn’t have me?” he couldn’t help saying, not quite meeting Majima’s eye.
Majima groaned again, louder than before, and dragged his fingers through his hair. “God fucking damn it, Kiryu-chan, stop feeling sorry for yaself! Ya been an orphan! Ya know how much worse it is when ya got no one, so don’t talk like that,” he huffed, “I know ya got more brains than that.”
Kiryu rolled his face away with a heavy sigh. “I do know,” he muttered, “it’s just…”
“Why do ya keep lookin’ for a reason not to deserve this?” Majima interrupted, “Why do ya want so badly for a reason to abandon them?”
Kiryu could feel Majima’s stare piercing through the back of his head and turned further away. “...because I’m no good.”
“Bullshi-”
“I’m not!” Kiryu snarled, willing his eyes not to dampen again, “Everything that’s gone wrong in my life was my fault. And everyone who got hurt, that was my fault too.” Shinji, Reina, Kazama, Yumi, Nishikiyama, Ryuji, Rikiya, Mine, Daigo, Majima… Kiryu hissed a breath, trying to bite back the pain. “People keep dying; I can’t save them and then they die and it’s my fault,” he whispered, “Every time I can’t save them, I…”
Majima’s touch was excruciatingly soft on his shoulder.
Kiryu shuddered and screwed his eyes tight. “I’m terrified I’m going to fail them,” he choked out, “I can’t… fail them.”
“Uncle Kaz?” The door swung open a crack, enough for Haruka to poke inside.
Kiryu opened his eyes, sniffing back the tears and rolled over to look up at her. “Oh, Haruka…” Majima busied himself gently smoothing his covers.
“It’s been real quiet for awhile, I thought it might be safe to come in,” Haruka explained, stepping fully inside and closing the door, “Are you two alright?” She glanced between them.
Kiryu looked up at Majima first, who looked impossibly drained, but steadfast, before looking back at Haruka. “Y-Yeah, we’re fine, Haruka. Come here,” he nodded, weakly beckoning her closer.
Haruka approached on his opposite side and squinted at his face critically. “No, you’re not, you’ve been crying!” she accused, then turned on Majima, “What have you been saying to him?” She glared mistrustfully.
Majima held up his hands, mollifying. “Easy! I didn’t-!”
“It’s alright, Haruka,” Kiryu insisted, trying to reach for her hand, “We just had a lot to talk about and... we’re both tired.”
Haruka was still glaring at Majima, but relented after a moment and took Kiryu’s hand. “Uncle Kaz,” she faced him, taking a big breath, “I’ve been thinking too,” she said with an air of rehearsal.
Kiryu’s eyes widened and he scrambled together whatever meager emotional defenses he had left, trying to brace himself for whatever this was. Next to him, Majima subtly shuffled closer, sliding his hand into the bed where Kiryu could grab it if he wanted.
Haruka swallowed and looked him in the eye. “I meant what I said on stage. I don’t want to be away from you anymore. I want to live with you and my brothers and sisters like one big family. We are a family. We shouldn’t be separated. So you’re not going to go away again, right?” She blinked down at him anxiously.
Majima exhaled heavily and Kiryu tried to ignore him as his heart twisted. “Haruka, I…” he chewed his lip, “You know I put you all in danger.”
“No, you don’t,” Haruka shook her head vehemently, “You keep us safe, you always have. No one ever comes after us and if they did, you’d stop them. You’ve never let anyone hurt us.”
Kiryu winced. “But, Haruka, I’m still yakuza-” he heard Majima inhale sharply, “I still am, no matter how hard I try to leave. I’m no good to you-”
“Do you think I’ve taken care of myself all these years?!” Haruka’s voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears. “When I was just ten years old, you rescued me and took me in. You saved me when my mother died and I had no one else. Do you think that’s nothing?”
Kiryu swallowed hard and finally took Majima’s waiting hand.
“Our family, do you really think we can get by without you? When there’s still so much you can teach us? When you’re still our father?” Haruka sobbed, “We need you, Uncle Kaz! Please don’t leave again!” Tears streamed down her red cheeks, but she clung to the bed rail and kept looking him in the eye, desperate to make her point.
He knew what Majima would say. That here, here was all the proof he needed. Knowing what she did, having lived through all she had, Haruka still wanted him to be her father. That was the only answer he was ever going to get.
Kiryu shook his head as another tear leaked out. “I won’t,” he mumbled, “I won’t leave again. Not ever.”
Haruka sobbed loudly but burst into a big smile, throwing her face over the rail to haphazardly hug her father. Kiryu bent his face into her hair and tried to hold her tight. He felt Majima try to twist and slip away, but Kiryu held his hand fast. No, he wouldn’t fuck this up again.
“Uncle Kaz, thank you, thank you,” Haruka gasped into his ear. Kiryu had to smile at that.
“Haruka, just a second though, I need your permission for something,” he rasped, voice rough from all the crying.
Haruka moved back to frown at him. “What is it?”
Kiryu squeezed Majima’s hand and looked up at him, unsurprised to see Majima’s pale and shock-wide face. Kiryu opened his mouth, but Majima spoke first.
“Kiryu-chan, don’t be an idiot. Ya don’t have ta do this.”
Kiryu sighed and narrowed his eyes. “I know exactly how long ten years is and that’s how much I have to make up for. I’m starting today,” he growled, then turned to Haruka. “Haruka, how would you feel about moving back to Kamurocho?”
Haruka blinked in surprise. “To Kamurocho? But, why?”
Kiryu breathed deep. “Because I left things unfinished there when we left the first time and now I want to finish them. Haruka, Majima’s built us a house.”
Haruka’s eyes widened and she stared up at Majima’s cringing shame. “You did?”
Majima tried to tear away. “It’s nothing, just a bunker for when yer dad, if he-” he muttered.
“It’s a house for all of us,” Kiryu corrected, “You and me and him and all our family. We’re all going to be a family together now, if you want.”
Haruka blinked again more slowly. Her eyes searched between them and found their hands linked and nestled in the sheets. Her expression shifted in recognition, her mouth falling into a soft ‘oh.’ She looked back up at Majima, who flinched away, and then over at Kiryu. Kiryu kept his face still, waiting patiently for Haruka to speak.
“He’s your friend, right?” Haruka pronounced slowly. Kiryu nodded. Haruka glanced at their hands. “And he’s… always been your friend, hasn’t he?” she asked.
Kiryu swallowed and nodded again.
Haruka paused and made a face, her nose scrunching. “Uncle… Majima?” she tested.
Majima looked up, unsure and hesitant. He lifted his free hand and waved limply. “That’s me.”
Haruka snorted and sighed, hands going to her hips. “Well, it’ll take some getting used to, but I think that it will be okay,” she nodded, “At least Uncle Majima doesn’t hide his feelings.” She smiled and giggled to see both of them squawk indignantly.
“Is it finally done then?” Saejima asked, inviting himself in and taking up all of the space in the doorway.
Haruka nodded proudly. “Yep, we’re all family now!” She beamed.
Saejima immediately noticed their hands and his lips quirked up in a smile. “So that finally happened too? Thank god, I was worried I was gonna have to bust heads after this,” he muttered.
“Aww, I haven’t been that bad,” Majima complained.
“You’ve been insufferable,” Saejima growled, stepping over the ruins of the chair and pulling up the doctor’s stool to sit on, “But no, he was being the thick one. You’re just the idiot in love with him.”
Majima’s mouth snapped closed and Kiryu looked away. “I guess it’s too late to ask you all to leave then?” he muttered. Everyone laughed and Kiryu couldn’t fight a smile for long. It had always been about family. It always would be.