Work Text:
Angels Fall First
Pairing: Reader + Castiel
Reader Gender: Female
Writer Gender: Female
Author: Khory
Word Count: 4063
Warnings: Fluff leading to Smut, small depression/anxiety/mental (reader), unprotected sex
Summary: How much does an angel remember about the life of their vessel? Do they remember human emotions? Human experiences? The Reader is going to find out.
“We’re heading out,” Dean said, giving you serious eyes. “We should only be gone a few days. Stay here on research and call us with whatever you find.”
“And don’t,” Sam said with those concerned eyebrows he always gets. “Just don’t leave the Bunker, ok? If you need something you know who to call.”
You nodded and shooed them out the door. You knew they were trying to be helpful, but honestly they made you feel like a broken doll. Yes, you had issues. No, you weren’t good on your own. But they couldn’t babysit you forever, and it was a little insulting that they tried, despite their good intentions.
The door closed with that heavy sound and the lock spun. You were alone in the Bunker for the first time by yourself. Self-consciously you rubbed your hands up and down your arms, feeling chill though the temperature was fine. You decided to distract yourself.
You ran the water in the tub hot, hotter than was perhaps healthy, but you didn’t care. You were never the girly type to really have bubble bath, so you hunted through the stash of herbs and dropped a handful of cinnamon sticks and cloves in the water. Why? They reminded you of Christmas as a child, and baking pumpkin pies. It was a comforting scent, better than lavender for you. You stripped down and set your phone to playing nature sounds from the counter. You lay in the tub, trying to meditate. It was easier in the beginning if you could start calm. It didn’t help that you weren’t really at home in the Bunker anyway and this was the first time you’d been left alone here since the incident where the boys found you. Brief flashes of violence echoed behind your eyes and you hissed, tensing, as you pushed them away from your thoughts. But they had broken the mood, so you left the tub, irritated.
The chill you’d felt previously was made worse by leaving the hot water and steam for the open air of the library. You were in a plush robe that Sam had gifted you with, in an effort to welcome you and make you comfortable. It was a sweet gesture, as well as being useful in what was basically a bomb shelter. You settled down, still playing soothing music on your phone, and tried to concentrate on the research you were supposed to be doing.
After an hour you found you had dug scratches onto one arm. You hadn’t realized you were even scratching there. You were antsy, edgy, and couldn’t sit still. You needed company. Worse, you knew you needed contact, and that was going to be harder to get. You were an empath. Emotion drove you. You fed on it in small ways, and used the clues gained from others emotions to anchor you and help you navigate the world. Useful trick for someone with anxiety issues.
But part of the need to be around people wasn’t just the comfort of anothers emotional presence. You were a physical person. Touch was necessary, and you’d been without it for more than a month. The boys were solicitous, sure, but they didn’t treat you like they were comfortable with you. They didn’t sit close. They didn’t hold your hand, or give you hugs. They didn’t really know how to deal with you. There was really only one person you could call. Someone safe. Someone innocent. Someone you knew would stay with you if it would make you feel better, and give you touch without being weird about it. Sure, you’d have to explain why, but since he could see into your thoughts anyway he was much more able to understand without making you feel embarrassed.
“Castiel? I need your help. Please”
“I’m here.”
You’d been addressing the ceiling. It was sort of unconscious for you to look at the sky when “praying”. Everyone always said Cas popped into existence, startling people with his silence, but it wasn’t true for you. You heard a rustle of feathers before you saw him. This time he’d appeared behind you, standing on the other side of the table.
You turned and looked at him. Same old Cas, with his trenchcoat and those stunning blue eyes, always full of both confusion and concern. He immediately located your arm.
“You are injured.”
He stepped around the table to take your hand. You felt your tension ease a bit with the feel of his hand in yours, but he was examining you and healing you and that really wasn’t what you needed. You pulled away and he looked up at you, confused.
“Please, Cas, that isn’t why I called.”
“But you are hurt. I don’t understand.”
He looked so lost. He always did. It made him beautiful, and he had no idea. Those deep blue eyes, so full of innocent concern, were a balm to the soul. All you could think was it must be an angel thing. And it appeared explaining this would be harder than you thought.
“Cas,” you took his hand and led him to the couch. “Sit with me for a second. I have to talk to you about some things. Some things about me.”
The angel followed you without protest. He seemed to be searching your face for answers already. He was so keen to learn about humanity. It seemed belonging to the angels did not mean that they watched over us with understanding. It took you a few moments to explain about your difficulties with loneliness, both emotional and physical. Castiel listened intently, eyes always on yours, as though hearing both your words and thoughts at the same time. When you’d finished he nodded sagely.
“ I understand. You miss intimacy. This is good.” He held your hand, gently, watching you nod.
“But this is better.”
He slid closer to you on the couch. Very close. He was a heated line against your left side. He was turned to you, stuck to you from shoulder to ankle, his eyes locked on yours and his face very close. He was…intense. You had no other way to describe how focused he was. Your pulse sped up, and you didn’t know why. Your voice was a little breathy when you responded.
“Yes,” you said, and tried to swallow a lump in your throat. “Closer is better.” You closed your eyes, trying to break his gaze for just a minute. You found the words loud in your head, accompanied by a picture. Please, you thought, please kiss me. You were stunned at yourself. How in froggy green hell had that thought gotten in? It wasn’t right! He was an angel. He didn’t know about love, about sex. Did he? His vessel was human. He’d had a human life before Castiel took him over. Did Cas remember being human? What it felt like to kiss a woman? The thoughts were turning you inside out. On the one hand part of you was so concerned about corrupting an angel, but the other part wanted to push him, to get the answers to your questions. Your eyes snapped open as you realized he’d probably heard and seen everything in your head.
Apparently he had. His face was even closer than it had been previously. Your vision was entirely full of dark blue eyes, and you could feel his breath against your lips. You leaned that extra fraction of an inch and pressed your lips to his. His were full and warm, so soft. You wanted more, but he wasn’t responding. You pulled away, ducking your head as you blushed in shame.
“Cas, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I do remember,” he said softly, regaining your gaze. “The memories are distant. They are not mine, and so they stay separate from me. But my vessel had a wife, and a child. He loved them, and gave himself to me to protect them.”
It was enough to make your eyes shine with unshed tears. So noble, a man offering himself as home to an angel for the sake of those he loved. You didn’t get more romantically noble than that. But Cas still had a blank face. He remembered, but it didn’t look like he remembered the feelings, only that he knew they had existed.
“Your body is still human though, and yet it seems that you feel so little emotion at all. Do you still have feelings? Is that something you can even access?” He tilted his head to one side, very like a bird.
“I don’t know. I have never felt the need to try.”
Your feelings were going haywire now. You hadn’t realized how badly you needed another person to feel close to you, to feel for you and about you. And Cas was so warm. So safe. He would never hurt you. If you could do this it might help you both. After all, if he wanted to learn about humanity, then love and sex were big topics.
“Can we try?” You asked softly, eyes pleading. “Will you try for me?” Cas nodded.
“If it will help you, then I will try. What do I do?” He was sitting still very close, but also very straight. He had this earnest look, as though he were prepared to fight the good fight. It would have been comical in a different situation. But you were determined to make this work.
“Close your eyes.” He did as he was told and you took his hand in yours.
“I need you to find that place in you where your human emotions live. That ball of space that is in the body of the vessel, in his mind, that you’ve shut away as unimportant. Can you do that?”
Cas tilted his head again, eyes clamped closed.
“Yes, it is there.”
“I need you to open it up. You don’t need to go in. Just leave the door open so that it can come to you.”
You were brushing your fingers against his as you held his hand. Like his lips they were warm and soft. You could imagine him touching elsewhere, but you knew you were getting ahead of yourself. Cas told you that it was an odd sensation, having that place attached to him, but it was open.
“Keep your eyes closed. I’m going to do some things. I want you to reach inside me and feel me. Look at how what is being done is making me feel. And if feelings come out that door, let them. Discover them and let them, and me, guide you.”
Cas nodded with his eyes closed. You smiled slightly and took his hand in both of yours. You closed your own eyes as your fingers played through his, sliding together and apart. Feeling that tender softness between each finger and the other, and tracing the lines in his palms. You focused on the sensations, and the thoughts it gave you of wanting to feel his touch else where.
You brought his hand up to your face. Nuzzling into the curve of his hand you placed a soft kiss in the palm of his hand, letting your lips linger. Your heart was beating faster and you knew your breath felt hot against his skin. You thought of the closeness a few moments ago where you could feel his breath on your lips. The shock of want that sang through you was surprising, but only slightly. In your head you saw that kiss again, only this time he was responding to you, moving with you. The image made things low in your stomach quiver. You opened your eyes and Castiel was looking at you, but it was very different. His eyes were dark, darker than they’d ever been. Those bright blue eyes now flashed sapphire, with his pupils blown wide. You could see he was breathing faster too. You felt his hand move on your face, sliding back to play in your hair.
“I remember now.”
He leaned in close, closer, until he was right there again. His lips were so close, his breath puffing and joining with yours. You felt both of you shiver and your eyes fluttered shut. This time when you leaned in he met you. Gently, so gently, you kissed, just feeling and tasting each other. It was more of a dance of lips, both of you giving and taking ground, exploring as though you had never kissed before. The kiss broke and you were both definitely breathing harder. He was still looking at you with those dark eyes. You knew he could feel you reacting, see the fantasies that raced through your mind. You hadn’t known you had it in you, but your thoughts were full of him now. He replaced every man in every intimate thought you’d ever had. The visions flooded your sense and you practically reeled back, stunned. But Castiel’s hand was still in your hair and he held you as you went to pull away. The intensity in his gaze was not helping you maintain.
“That,” he said gruffly. “ That was good. Please do it again.”
You couldn’t believe it. You had just kissed an angel, and he liked it. And he was asking for more. This was something out of a song or a fairy tale! But you couldn’t resist, couldn’t deny him. You wanted too badly for this to continue. You took a breath and leaned towards him again. He met you much more enthusiastically this time. He held his hand in your hair, bringing the other one up to your shoulder. He truly explored this time, opening his mouth and nibbling and sucking on your lips. You sighed in pleasure and opened yours as well, flicking your tongue out. He gasped and stiffened for a split second, but then he was with you, forcefully. He pulled you to his chest and plundered your open mouth, finding your tongue with his and dancing circles around and with it. You moaned and pulled away.
“God, Castiel, we can’t!”
“Don’t stop.” He growled at you and pulled you roughly back in.
The kisses coming were fierce and glorious. You felt like you were drowning in kisses, overwhelmed by the feel of his mouth on yours, his hands on your skin, the heat of his body. The hands on you were insistent, and starting to wander. The one he’d had gripping your shoulder had slid under the neck of your robe, pushing it down and off, leaving a lot of neck and collarbone exposed. Your own hands had slid up his arms to the back of his shoulders. He was still wearing that ridiculous coat, and you were irritated for a flash of a second.
“Yes,” he murmured against your mouth. “The clothing is a hindrance.”
You felt cool air surround you rather abruptly and felt hot skin under your hands and against your chest. You realized he had evaporated his clothing and your robe. Damn good trick. But there you were now, suddenly nude and wrapped in the arms of what you could only assume was a nude angel. You pulled away, resisting Cas’ greedy hands, so you could look at him.
Castiel was an angel, and he had chosen his vessel well. He was pale and perfect, well muscled without being bulky. A small amount of curly dark hair decorated his chest and her eyes followed it down. Of course you stopped as your eyes hit his waist. He did, apparently, remember how to respond to a woman. His desire for you, his reaction to your shared touching and kissing, was prominent and gave you a rush of desire in response. You knew your own arousal was quite complete, though harder to see than his. You looked up and found that Castiel was looking at your body as well. You shied away, self-conscious for the first time. As you shrank and tried to hide he grabbed your hands in his own.
“You are beautiful.” He said simply, and there was no deception at all in his eyes.
“Please, I want to continue, but only if you wish.”
Between the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice, his touch, and his very willing body there was really no response to that except to show him. In your mind crystallized an image of thrashing under him, pleasure exploding through your body, as he took you completely. The both of you moaned at the image and came crashing together. His hand gripped your hair and pulled your head back, exposing the soft flesh of your throat to his questing mouth. He kissed his way down your neck. Seemingly suddenly inspired he bit you low on your neck.
“Yes!” you gasped.
He took his cue and bit harder, sucking flesh between his teeth and laving his tongue over the tender skin. You moaned and arched into him. The peaks of your breasts brushed against the hairs on his chest and you made a small sound at the feel of it. You knew Castiel was following your thoughts because his hands found those mounds next. You bowed backwards, pushing the fullness of your breasts into his hands. He squeezed, first gently and then harder when you didn’t stop him. Your nipples were raised and he pinched them, pulled on them, and then found them with his mouth, doing torturous things until you were moaning and writhing.
As his mouth pulled away he made a small pleased sound. You looked down and he was smiling at you, crookedly and almost smug. He knew he had pleased you and was very proud of himself. You smiled and pushed him back. Every wicked sensation of hands and mouth he had given to you you returned in kind, until the dark haired angel was a helpless creature in your hands. Ah, but you went that little bit further. Looking up into his dark and wanting eyes you slid your hand slyly down the plane of his stomach and took his hard length into your hand. He threw his head back and groaned something she couldn’t decipher in Enochian.
“And what was that?” you asked, stroking your hand up and down his length as he squirmed in torment. You were enjoying this reaction much too much.
“A prayer!” he gasped.
“Oh, really?” You grinned wickedly. Squeezing him hard until he cried out. “An Angel in the midst of carnal pleasure, praying. And what did you pray for, my angel?”
“Strength!” He grabbed your wrist and pulled you from him. He pushed you roughly backwards onto the bed, which was odd having just been on the couch. “I prayed for the strength not to hurt you.”
Your eyebrows rose as his mouth came down on yours hard enough that you tasted blood. He held you down with his hand around your wrist and the weight of his upper body. You felt his other hand on your knee and he stroked up your inner thigh. His knee pushed between yours, separating you enough that his hand continued its slow travel upwards. You knew where it was going, and he gave you time to realize it before his fingers dove into the hot cleft between your legs. You broke the vicious kiss and bowed off the bed.
“Castiel!” The word was a prayer of its own fallen from your lips. But unlike the angel above you you didn’t know if you prayed for him to continue or stop. His fingers delved and stroked, discovering each little place that made you squirm and thrash. Long slow strokes, like you’d given him, fingers slick with the desire you could no longer hide.
“I think you desire more of this torment.”
He didn’t give you time to answer before you felt him push a finger inside you. Slowly he pushed the finger in and out of you. So rarely had you been with anyone else that you were tight as though untouched. But your hips rose against his hand, begging for more. He heard your desire and slowly pushed a second finger in to join the first.
“Oh, god, Castiel yes!”
You moved under him, hips undulating, begging for more and deeper contact. Your other hand found him again and stroked him in time to the thrusting of his fingers inside you. He was moaning into your mouth between kisses, his cries joining yours. Finally he hit a note of frustrated agony. He pulled himself away from your teasing hands and you made a lost sound as he pulled his own hand away from the hot need between your legs. He was above you, looking down into your eyes. A frantic expression on his face told you he was nearly mad with want and also terrified you’d deny him.
“You must tell me you want this.” He waited, trembling, and you took his face in your hands.
“I want you Castiel, more than any woman has ever wanted man or angel.” You kissed him soundly and pulled him down to whisper in his ear.
“Take me Castiel. Make me yours.”
You didn’t think an angel had ever made that sound in the history of creation. His mouth on yours drank in your every moan as he plunged himself into your waiting depths. It was incredible. He rode you more expertly than any lover ever had, stroking and filling the deepest parts of you. You felt that heavy sensation low in your abdomen start to gather, a pressure that would soon overwhelm you. The two of you were breathing to hard now for kisses. You were begging him not to stop and he was murmuring a litany of something in Enochian. The words rolled out of him like music.
“God, oh god, Castiel don’t stop, don’t stop!”
The world was starting to disappear in white light. It wasn’t until your eyes blinked open that you realized the light was coming from Castiel himself. His head was thrown back, mouth open, and light poured from his skin, like he held the moon inside. It was stunningly beautiful. And the sight of him lost in the ecstasy he was experiencing was enough to send you screaming and thrashing over the edge. The Enochian prayers above you reached a crescendo and you watched him as his orgasm joined yours. His eyes were blue flame as he looked down at you in wonder and the silhouette of his wings burst into light above you both. You gloried in the feel of him pulsing his release inside you, his every motion making you tremble with aftershocks. His light faded as he came down.
His weight atop you was lighter than it should have been. Your breathing slowed and you held him in your arms, glowing with completion. His head lifted from where it rest on your shoulder. He searched your eyes, one thumb making soft circles on the back of one hand. He raised your hand to his face and kissed your palm.
“I have not experienced such a thing since the fire of my creation. You are a beautiful and wondrous creature. Y/N, I think I may love you.”
His eyes were so innocent still as they looked straight into you. He was a warm comfort in your arms, still touching you with as much of his body as he could. His unruly hair was damp with the sweat of exertion and his face shone with something delicate and pure. Your heart clenched into a fist in your chest, bringing the shine of tears to your eyes. You realized that you had never been happier or more content in your life, not since you were a very small child, before you knew the cruel reality of life. The power of it surged and you knew he could feel it, see it in your mind.
“Castiel, my angel,” you whispered as you stroked a hand through his hair and kissed him softly.
“I love you too.”