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Tony startled awake, finding his throat dry and eyes damp in the darkness of his room. Rolling to face his nightstand, his alarm clock notified him that it was still too early to be awake - 4am was certainly not a humane hour. Tilting his head to glance at the other side of his bed, he was grateful to find it empty, with little to no evidence of whoever he’d come home with just a few hours prior. For Tony, it was a relief to find his bed empty. After all these years, he still couldn’t sleep through the night and he dreaded the conversation that inevitably followed one of his terror stricken nights.
Tony’s anxiety-riddled mind often disturbed his sleep, making it nearly impossible for him to share a bed in any of his previous relationships. Pepper had stuck it out with him for as long as she could, but after too many nights waking up to Tony on the couch, they both decided they needed to move on from their relationship. His casual flings and one night stands made his inability to sleep with another human irrelevant; he could always count on them ducking out before the waking hours. His reputation was known in enough social circles that he didn’t have to worry about people sticking around or trying to get more from him than he was willing to give.
Falling asleep and waking up together were intimate parts of a relationship that Tony had never been able to partake in. He yearned for that closeness, the soft, rumpled moments in those seconds you crossed over from sleeping into consciousness. He could imagine the warmth of another body next to him, holding him through his darkest moments. No matter how much he desired that closeness, his mind betrayed him too many times for him to believe it was possible.
Accepting the fact that his mind was far too awake to let him get any more rest, Tony rolled out of bed and headed for the kitchen, deciding he may as well get his day started. As the comforting scent of coffee began to fill his apartment, he felt the sleepy fog start to drift away. The quiet, emptiness of his apartment typically offered comfort after a sleepless night, but this morning it only emphasized the loneliness he tried to bury deep beneath layers of charm and overconfidence. Deciding he couldn’t stick around his home office today, Tony decided to make a rare appearance at his favorite coffee shop down the street.
Just over an hour later, Tony was out the door and pulling out of the parking garage into the early morning traffic in the city. The sun was just coming up and Tony was happy to be among the other early risers. He wondered how many people were also escaping their own minds or sleepless nights. He enjoyed these peaceful moments, watching the sky soften as the sun rose, casting shadows around the skyscrapers that filled the city.
When Tony arrived at the coffee shop, he was happy to see that there weren’t many patrons inside yet. He entered with his work bag, prepared to settle in for a few hours. The staff smiled at him, recognizing him despite his infrequent visits. With a mug of hot coffee and a fresh muffin in hand, Tony settled into a booth in the back corner of the shop, spreading out his materials for the morning.
Time passed around him as he worked through the shop’s morning rush. By the time he finished his coffee and pastry, he had made considerable progress on the blueprints in front of him. He hit a snag in one of his calculations and took that as his cue to stretch his legs and acquire more caffeine; he knew he drank too much of the stuff but he couldn't be bothered to care. He grabbed his phone as he headed to the front of the shop, scrolling through his emails quickly.
The shop had quieted down since the morning rush, so Tony didn’t anticipate the person waiting to order at the counter. He stopped short, nearly colliding with the man directly in front of him. He was facing the register, his back to Tony. Tony couldn’t help but admire the man’s broad shoulders, highlighted nicely by the navy suit jacket he was wearing. Tony could stop his eyes from wandering further down, noticing the man’s narrow waist and how his slim cut pants fit nicely.
Tony shook his head to clear it as the man stepped aside, clearing a path for Tony to order his refill. He was grateful for the fact that the woman behind the counter already knew his order, as he completely lost his train of thought at the sight of the man’s face. He was tall enough that Tony had to tilt his head up to catch a glimpse of the stranger’s face. His dark blond hair was long and slightly floppy, but styled enough to be kept off his face. Tony’s gaze couldn’t help but linger on the man’s face, which was covered in a thick beard, only highlighting his strong cheekbones.
Tony caught himself staring, but not before the stranger did, smirking in Tony’s direction. Tony barely had the decency to blush before grabbing his coffee and running back to his table, effectively hiding away from the handsome man. A moment later, he heard the bell on the door jingle and he looked over his shoulder, expecting to see the man leaving the small shop. Instead, he saw a new customer entering and the attractive man settled at a table not far from Tony’s makeshift workstation. The man smiled in Tony’s direction and Tony whipped his head back around rather than acknowledging the gesture.
Tony was acting as if he’d never seen an attractive man before, which was certainly not the case. Usually, he was smooth and well-spoken, charming the pants off anyone he wanted, literally and figuratively. Tony wasn’t sure what it was about this man that rendered Tony incapable of anything but gawking at him. Lost in thought, Tony didn’t hear the man moving behind him, and before he could do anything to stop it, he was sliding into the seat opposite Tony.
The stranger smiled and stuck his hand out in greeting. Tony just stared, yet again incapable of anything else.
“I’m Steve,” the man said curiously, keeping his hand extended toward Tony.
Tony’s brain rapidly sprung into action, remembering how to interact with another human. He reached out to shake the stranger- Steve’s hand. His hand was large and warm, nearly swallowing Tony’s smaller one in a firm grip.
“I’m Tony, and I swear I’m not usually like this,” he admitted sheepishly.
“Like what, throwing heart eyes at a random stranger in a coffee shop?” Steve teased.
“Well, there’s only so much I can do when the random stranger has your shoulders and a beard like that,” Tony flirted shamelessly.
The next couple hours passed in a similar fashion, both men apparently forgetting the work they planned to accomplish that day. They chatted, equal parts learning about each other flirting. Tony learned that Steve was a columnist at a smaller paper in the city and taught journalism classes on the side. When he wasn’t researching, writing, or teaching, Steve spent too much time with his dog, who was very cute according to the several photos he proudly showed to Tony. Steve learned that Tony was indeed Tony Stark of Stark Industries, an up and coming robotics firm in the city. The blueprints littering the table were a glimpse into his next big project and Tony rambled on about technology that Steve only pretended to understand.
A while later, Steve’s phone rang, snapping both of them out of their little bubble. Steve smiled apologetically while standing to answer the call. Taking advantage of his privacy, Tony shook his head and ran a hand down his face. He hadn’t enjoyed a stranger’s company like this in years. His mind told him to run; he knew his track record and it would be safer to end this before anything could happen. In that moment, Steve returned to the table looking like a bashful puppy and any thoughts Tony had about disappearing flew out the window.
“That was work,” Steve said, his voice dripping with regret. “I’ve gotta run to the office”.
Tony only nodded at that, not wanting to give away his desire to see Steve again. Luckily Steve saved him from embarrassment.
“I’d really like to see you again though. Maybe without all this work in the way,” Steve gestured to the blueprints between them.
Tony grinned and nodded. “I’d like that a lot”.
They exchanged numbers and Tony watched Steve head out the door and turn down the street. He was about to round the corner, but before he disappeared from view, Steve looked back, grinning when he saw Tony watching him. Tony smiled back before returning to his work.
About a month later, Tony and Steve had gone out to dinner several times, grabbed coffee in the afternoons, and taken Steve’s unfairly cute dog for a few strolls around Central Park. If Tony thought Steve was cuter than his dog, nobody had to know. Tony knew that what they were doing undoubtedly counted as dating, but Tony wasn’t willing to call it that yet. They held hands when they walked and Steve kissed him on the cheek in greeting and when they said goodbye every time they saw each other.
Tony told Rhodey about Steve when his best friend pressed him on why he was so happy all of a sudden. It went unsaid that Tony hadn’t had any houseguests recently either.
“You like him, then?” Rhodey questioned.
“Yeah, honeybear, I like him. I can’t decide if I want to tear his clothes off or bundle him up on the couch”.
Rhodey threw his head back in a loud laugh. “Wow Tones, you’ve got it bad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this”.
Tony pouted at that. He knew Rhodey was right and he didn’t know what to do about it. It was always at this point in relationships when things started to go off the rails. Just last night he had another terror-filled sleep, resulting in sweat drenched sheets and tear soaked pillows.
Rhodey’s gaze softened, knowing exactly what was running through Tony’s head.
“Just talk to him Tony. Based on what you’ve told me, it sounds like he’s just as gone for you as you are for him”.
“You’re right”.
“I’m sorry, can I get that in writing? How about a recording?”
Tony laughed at that and shooed Rhodey out of his apartment. If he was going to have this conversation with Steve, it needed to happen soon.
Tony pulled his phone out to call Steve.
On the other side of the city, Steve sat at home working through the column he owed his editor the following week. He’d made some solid progress when his phone buzzed on his desk. Seeing Tony’s name (and silly face he managed to capture on a walk) made him smile.
“Hey Tones”.
Tony could hear the smile in Steve’s voice, causing him to melt just a bit.
“Hi Steve. I uh, I was wondering what you were doing for dinner tonight?”
“No plans pal, want to grab a bite somewhere?”
“Um actually, I was wondering if you might want to come over here for dinner?”
Tony had been to Steve’s apartment briefly on the days that they’d taken his dog for a walk, but otherwise, they hadn’t visited each other’s homes. Tony was especially protective of his space, and Steve knew this. The gravity of Tony’s invitation was not lost on him.
“That sounds really nice, Tony. What time should I be there?”
“How’s six?”
“Perfect, I’ll bring wine”.
“I’ll see you tonight, Steve”.
“See you soon, Tones”.
Steve ended the call and just stared at his phone for a moment. He knew Tony didn’t trust people easily. He and Tony had been seeing each other for a little over a month now and had yet to have a conversation about taking any next steps in their relationship. Tony had told Steve little bits about past relationships and hinted that he isn’t typically the relationship type. Steve didn’t know what to make of it at the time, but the more time he spent with Tony, the more he learned about him. Steve assumed it wasn’t that Tony didn’t want to be in a relationship, but that he'd been broken too many times to believe in them again. Steve hoped that tonight would open the door to something more, even if it was just a crack.
Determined to make more progress on his column, Steve directed his attention back to his computer as best he could. His mind was swirling with thoughts about Tony and all the things he wanted with him. Steve knew he was steadily falling for the man. Tony was brilliant, challenging, hilarious, and had a bigger heart than anyone gave him credit for. Steve only hoped that Tony could see himself that way, too.
A few hours later, Steve was grabbing a couple of bottles of wine and heading out the door to make it to Tony’s apartment by six. Tony had texted him his address and Steve was pleasantly surprised at their proximity to each other. When Steve arrived at Tony's building, he was surprised to see Tony himself waiting at the entrance.
Steve beamed at Tony; he was never one for subtlety. As he approached Tony, he could see the man practically vibrating with nervous energy. As soon as he was within arm’s reach, Steve reached for Tony and pulled him in for a hug. Tony’s arms wrapped around his waist and his face squeezed into the junction of his neck and shoulder. Steve could feel the harsh breath Tony let out as soon as he held him close.
“Hey you,” Steve whispered.
“Hi Stevie”.
“As much as I love holding you like this, do you think we should maybe head inside?” Steve asked softly, reluctant to let go of the man in his arms.
Tony pulled back with a blush, but Steve kept a hand on the small of Tony’s back, attempting to keep as much contact as he could. Tony nodded and turned toward the front door without a word.
They were silent as they moved through the lobby and came to a stop in front of the elevators. Once they were inside the car and Tony pressed the “PH” button, he finally spoke.
“I’m really happy you’re here,” he said in a rush, as if he had forced the words out of his mouth.
“I’m really happy I’m here too, Tony”.
Eventually, the elevator doors opened directly into an expansive foyer, with exposed beams and rustic chandeliers above them. Steve stepped out, taking in the vast apartment surrounding him. Tony started down the hallway and Steve followed, taking in the many paintings and photos lining the hallway. They entered a kitchen half the size of Steve’s entire apartment to find several dishes littered across the stove.
“I might not know how to make much, but what I can make is damn good,” Tony said as he checked a sauce of some sort on the stove.
Steve set the bottles of wine on the massive island in the center of the kitchen and followed Tony to the stove. Tony was surprised to feel Steve’s chest pressed against his back, his arms around his waist, and his nose pressed against the top of his head.
“This smells delicious Tony. Anything I can help with?”
Tony reluctantly pointed out the cabinets that held his dishes as well where his wine glasses were hanging. Steve gave him one last squeeze and a soft kiss to his hair before stepping away. Steve found his way around Tony’s kitchen easily, and Tony felt his heart squeeze at the comfortability of it all.
Before long, they were serving themselves heaping plates of pasta and veggies and Steve poured them each a generous glass of red wine. Tony grabbed the food and led them through to the dining room, while Steve followed with their wine and what was left in the bottle.
Tony watched nervously as Steve took the first bite of food and smiled with relief when Steve groaned at the taste.
“Tony, you’ve been holding out on me. This is delicious,” Steve grinned across the table.
Tony only smiled shyly before digging in himself.
Dinner was a quiet affair, both men devouring their food and enjoying their wine. They exchanged quiet words about the projects they were working on and Steve rambled about some new toy he’d gotten for his dog.
When they’d both cleaned their plates and finished the bottle of wine, Steve paused. Tony seemed to sense his confidence wavering, which was uncommon for Steve.
“I saw that second bottle of wine, don’t think I’m kicking you out without sharing it first,” Tony admitted.
“Ha, my plan worked,” Steve teased.
Tony only shook his head. “Come on, we can dump these in the sink and watch a movie”.
Steve nodded gratefully and headed back into the kitchen with Tony, happy to spend more time with the man that was quickly stealing his heart and occupying the majority of his thoughts. They set their plates and silverware in the sink before grabbing the second bottle of wine and heading into the living room. Both men stood in the entryway to the room, Steve waiting for Tony’s lead to see how the man wanted to proceed. Tony eventually stepped down onto the soft carpet and made his way to the large plush sofa in the center of the room. He situated himself near the center of the couch and patted the cushion next to him, making it clear where he expected Steve to settle.
Steve stepped into the room, wine in hand, and made his way toward Tony. As soon as he settled on the couch he opened the bottle of wine, refilling each of their glasses. He was grateful for the distraction, not trusting his hands so close to Tony. Once the glasses were full, he grabbed them both and settled back into the couch. He lifted one toward Tony who took it happily before settling into Steve’s side. Steve wrapped his arm firmly around Tony, reveling in the closeness and willing the other man to melt into his side the way he’d been desperate for for weeks.
Tony was stiff for a brief moment, but as soon as Steve squeezed his shoulder, urging him to come in closer, Tony gave in. His head came to rest on Steve’s shoulder and his entire form curled around Steve’s firm body. Steve hummed with pleasure, finally having this man closer than ever before.
Reaching to the side, Steve set his glass down on the table next to the couch; he wanted both arms available to wrap Tony up. When Tony noticed, he glanced up at Steve, and the bearded man’s resolve broke in an instant.
Both of Steve’s hands came to rest on Tony’s cheeks, angling his face further up so Steve could take in all of his features. His hair was soft and unstyled, natural curls falling on his forehead. His eyes were wide and curious taking in Steve’s every move. His lips were slightly parted, tongue sneaking out to wet them the moment Steve’s eyes dipped down to them. At that, Steve lunged forward, pressing his lips against Tony’s before either man could think long enough to question the action.
Tony immediately reciprocated and reached forward to weave his free hand through the long strands of hair on top of Steve’s head. Steve moaned at that, and Tony took the opportunity to softly explore Steve’s mouth with his tongue. Steve tasted like wine and tomatoes, an admittedly odd combination, but Tony couldn’t stop. Their lips and tongues continued to explore each other until Steve had to pull back for a deep breath. He kept Tony close, pressing their foreheads together as they each panted against each other.
“Tones,” Steve groaned.
“I know Stevie. I’m sorry that took so long,” Tony apologized.
Steve leaned in to press a quick kiss to Tony’s lips. “Never apologize for that, babe”. Steve couldn’t help the endearment as it slipped from his lips, but Tony only seemed to preen in response.
“Let’s find something to watch,” Tony said softly. As much as he wanted to continue down the path they started, he knew he wasn’t ready for much more.
Steve resettled himself with his arm around Tony’s shoulders, keeping the smaller man as close as he could manage. Tony grabbed the remote and pulled up Netflix before deciding on the newest original movie they’d released. Before either man could settle any further, Steve detached himself from Tony and laid down along the couch, his back pressed against the back cushions. He left plenty of space in front of him and looked at Tony expectantly.
“Can I just hold you for a bit, please?” He asked shyly.
Tony blushed bright red, feeling the warmth spread from his cheeks down past the collar of his shirt. He nodded quickly and settled down with his back pressed to Steve’s front. Steve’s left arm came to rest over his waist while his right arm settled under Tony’s cheek as if it were a pillow. Tony had never enjoyed the feeling of being held as he did in that moment.
Steve loved the feeling of having Tony in his arms. His entire body was pressed into his own, not an inch of space left between them. He nuzzled into Tony’s neck, unable to get enough of the man’s scent. Tony shivered while he pressed play on the movie, hoping to distract them both for at least a few minutes.
Less than halfway through the movie, Steve could hear Tony snuffling softly into his arm, clearly fast asleep. In an attempt not to wake him, Steve reached for the remote and shut the television off. Tony shifted in his sleep, and awoke enough at the sudden silence in the room.
“Mm Stevie, what time is it”
“It’s late sugar. Let me get you to bed”.
Tony froze at that. Suddenly he was wide awake and terrified at the prospect of Steve entering his bedroom. Before he could think better of it, he was stammering out words that hardly made any sense.
“I, I can’t sleep with you. I can’t sleep with anyone,” Tony rushed out.
Steve paused, not wanting to startle the man in his arms.
“Okay Tony, we don’t have to do anything. Just let me help you to your room”.
Tony’s mind cleared momentarily. Steve was still here after all the truths he’d shared over the past several weeks. Steve knew some of his deepest insecurities and Tony was sure Steve could sense the amount of hurt he’d been through over the years. Despite his inability to communicate and commit, Steve was still here, willing to take care of him and care for him.
“No,” Tony argued. “I want you here. I just can’t sleep with anyone here. Haven’t been able to for years”. Tony let out a deep breath, grateful that Steve hadn’t tried to interrupt. “I get these nightmares sometimes, I don’t wanna wake you”.
“Oh, honey. You think a nightmare could keep me away from you? Come on, let’s get comfy and we’ll take it one step at a time”.
To Steve’s surprise, Tony agreed, nodding and getting to his feet. Steve stood and followed Tony down the hall to the master bedroom. As Tony entered his room, he stripped down to his boxers without much thought and crawled straight into bed. Steve stood in the doorway, unsure of what Tony wanted him to do. As much as he wanted to crawl right in next to Tony, Steve knew this was a slippery slope for the two of them.
Cracking an eye open, Tony looked up at Steve.
“Why are you still standing there baby?”
Steve’s heart absolutely stopped at that. Tony’s soft sleepy voice combined with the sweet pet name absolutely ruined him. Without much thought, Steve followed Tony’s lead and stripped down to his boxers before slipping under the covers.
Tony turned to face him and settled a hand on Steve’s cheek.
“I might wake up screaming. Or crying. Or both usually, if I’m being honest”.
“What do you want me to do if that happens?”
“Just hold me when I wake up. Please don’t leave if you wake up before I do. I hate waking up alone after a nightmare and you’re the only one I wanna wake up next to”.
“Oh sweetheart, I promise I’ll be right here”.
Tony pressed a quick kiss to Steve’s lips before whispering a soft goodnight. He rolled over, pressing the backline of his body to Steve’s front, revelling in the feeling of Steve’s arms holding him close.
When he inevitably woke up with a scratchy throat and tear stained face, he was grateful for the warm, steady arms around him. He rolled over in Steve’s embrace, pressing his face into Steve’s chest, attempting to burrow himself even closer. Steve mumbled soft words into his ear, easing him back to sleep.
“I’m here baby, I’ve got you. You’ll always be safe with me, I promise, love. Go back to sleep sweet thing”.
Tony hummed in reply. As he drifted back to sleep he realized that he’d never been incapable of this closeness with another human. Despite the fact that all his previous relationships convinced him otherwise, all he needed was the right person to hold him close and keep him safe.
Steve’s strong arms and soft words were enough to lull him back to sleep, but not before he whispered softly, “please never let go”.
Tony was fast asleep when Steve replied, “I’m never letting go baby”.