Chapter Text
Shindou and Touya had been hired to the same event one winter, and had spent three days with lectures and quadruples and were on their way home on a late Shinkansen. The train car was nearly empty with just a few middle aged men scattered about, snoozing or reading. Shindou and Touya sat side by side in silence and had done so for the last twenty minutes before Touya chose to speak.
"Shindou," he said quietly without looking at him.
"Mm?" Shindou cracked an eye open to glance at him, he was tired and had been half asleep almost since they boarded. Despite that he also must be tired, Touya was sitting straight as a poker with his hands on his knees, his gaze distant. It was clear he was deep in thought about something.
"Do you love me?" Shindou started violently out of his reverie and sat up straight, blushing furiously. Touya's tone of voice was quiet and thoughtful and now that Shindou was wide awake he noticed a slight frown on his face. It was a few moments before Shindou could get something out. He'd never thought of Touya in terms of love, although he had admitted long ago that he was slightly obsessed. Touya was like a drug to him. He could be absolutely furious with him and refuse to talk to him - but he'd still think about him all the time, and he would always return to him no matter what. He would find him wherever he was and run to him. The same could be said about Touya, although he tended to be a bit more honest about his feelings.
"I-I guess?" he managed, swallowing hard. He supposed obsession could count as a kind of love after all, because he absolutely refused to dub himself as Touya's fan. What he felt wasn't anything remotely like that - he didn't want to be Touya, he wanted to be with him. There was a distinct difference there. He was his rival and his friend and he couldn't for the life of him get him out of his head. Touya nodded slowly.
"I love you, too," he said with much the same tone of voice. Shindou stared at him, torn between embarrassment and flattery. He licked his lips nervously, lips curling into a smile despite himself. Although he knew Touya was obsessed with him, too, having him confess to love him felt undeniably good.
"Yeah," Shindou murmured softly and saw to his satisfaction that Touya, too, was smiling.
"Have you thought about marriage?" Touya eventually said after another minute or two, when Shindou was able to relax slightly again. The question took him by surprise. He was eighteen, so it was still slightly too young to have considered it.
"Not really," he confessed. "It's years off, isn't it?" Touya raised his gaze slightly, looking even more distant.
"I suppose so..."he murmured. Frowning slightly, Shindou cocked his head and looked at him.
"You have?" he said carefully, the idea of Touya marrying someone revolting in his head. From the first time they'd met, Shindou had been insanely jealous of anyone getting Touya's time and attention and now that he had Touya's full focus he didn't feel like relinquishing it. Not to anyone.
"Yes," Touya said, Shindou's jealousy flaring up full force. He swallowed it down forcefully.
"Yeah?" he asked, not really wanting to know who or when he'd have competition about Touya's attention. Unexpectedly, Touya turned to him and Shindou gulped at the look in his eyes. There were ripples beneath the calm surface, and he effectively pinned Shindou down with his gaze. It was one of those things that he did that Shindou loved and hated in equal measure.
"If we could, would you marry me?" Touya said, Shindou's jealousy getting snuffed out like a candle leaving room for some enormous feeling he'd never felt before, swelling like a balloon in his chest. He stared at Touya with his jaw slack, the blush returning slowly by creeping up his neck and up his cheeks. As Touya looked away, Shindou realized he'd not been breathing and he exhaled. "You don't have to answer now," Touya said simply. "I can wait. I will always wait." Shindou's chock gave way for a mixed state where he on one hand would get to keep Touya and not share him with anyone, on the other he'd never even considered dating Touya, let alone marry him. He was startled out of his thoughts by the lady with the drinks trolley entered the train car, bowing before she slowly made her way toward them. Touya didn't move, but Shindou raised his hand to indicate that he wanted to buy something. He felt he really needed something caffeinated right now.
"Do you want something to drink?" he asked Touya, who looked at him. Licking his lips, Shindou blushed and smiled a little. "I-I need to think about it. But I'll answer you soon, okay?" Touya nodded without taking his eyes off him and smiled slightly.
"Coffee, please," he said by way of answer and Shindou grinned, relieved that he'd bought himself a bit more time. He got up and got them two coffee off the trolley before it continued on, and they drunk in silence while Shindou mulled over the proposition.