Chapter Text
It didn’t seem real, Harry thought, walking his way slowly to where Dumbledore lay on the ground, unmoving. He felt numb as he knelt next to him, moving stray hairs from his mentors face. Harry could feel the angry, hot tears falling down his cheeks still, but they didn’t mean anything. Snape had actually done it, had killed the man that had trusted him with his life.
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Only a day had passed and everywhere Harry went people flinched away from him. Only the people from the DA that had been involved in the chaos last night knew what had happened, everyone else just steered clear of the hatred and depression coming off him in waves. It was fake. Dumbledore was dead and it was a fake.
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“I don’t know what to do Mione.” He whispered to her that night, the three of them bundled up on a sofa in front of the fire in the common room.
“Oh Harry, you don’t have to do anything yet. But we’ll be with you, I promise.” Ron nodded silently on his other side, patting his shoulder gently but firmly.
“He died for nothing. The locket is…” He choked slightly and gasped the words out. “It’s fake. It wasn’t a real horcrux.” He felt more than heard Hermione’s sharp intake of breath before her arms were flung around him. He lifted one arm up to her back, gently holding her as she shook, whether out of sadness or frustration he didn’t know.
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“Please just come and eat something Harry, I know you want answers and I don’t blame you, but we’re worried.” Harry kept walking down the aisle of the library, Hermione slowly following.
“I just need to find out who they are, Mione. I know I’ve seen those initials somewhere, I just don’t know where.” He pulled out the book of modern wizarding history that had a chapter on himself in, skimming the index while continuing to walk away from her. It wasn’t until he slammed it shut in frustration that he realised his best friend had left.
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Harry didn’t know how long it had been since that night. Each day merged into the next. The last time he’d been back to his dormitory to shower and attempt sleep, the dark hollows under his eyes made him look like he had two black eyes. He didn’t sleep for long, his dreams wrought with memories from the last few years. Pettigrew escaping, Remus changing in front of them, Sirius almost dying. Cedric dying and him trapped, unable to do anything to save him. Pettigrew slicing into his arm, Voldemort emerging from the huge cauldron. Sirius falling into the veil, Remus holding him back from running after him. Why didn’t he just come out the other side? Why didn’t Harry follow him. It would have been so much easier. Draco yelling a crucio at him that didn’t hit. Draco bleeding out on the bathroom floor. Harry running away as Myrtle screamed. Harry, numb, as Ginny hid the book for him, thinking that he might as well be a death eater too, if he was able to inflict that much pain on someone. Draco lowering his wand. Snape raising his. Dumbledore falling over the edge of the tower. Harry running over the edge after him, maybe he could reach him in time.
~
Harry never went anywhere without the note from R.A.B. He held it in his hand, or kept it folded up in the fake locket, heavy around his neck. One night he stumbled over a book as he was returning some to their shelves in the library. Quite literally stumbled, dropping all the other books in his arms. Harry hadn’t used his wand for anything for days, he knew that a simple leviosa would sort the mess of books out in seconds, but he couldn’t bring himself to try. He picked the books up one by one, putting them on the table next to him and finally reaching for the one that had tripped him up. ‘Affairs of the Heart’ was written in very faint gold lettering across the spine, but the cover itself was a plain, unassuming green leather. Harry opened the book and slowly sat down, a frown creasing his forehead. This didn’t look like any kind of book he’d seen in Hogwarts before. There was no structure, no chapters, and it was entirely handwritten. Thinking he may have found an old students diary that was left in the library by mistake, he put it on the table with the rest of the books. He’d had enough of meddlesome books to last his whole life, thank you very much.
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The next day, Harry found himself sat in a corner of the library, poring over the book. It seemed to be a study of the heart, but not in a scientific sense. It spoke of souls, hearts, soul bonds and soulmates, spells to find your true partner in life, soul magic - oh how Harry’s stomach turned when he saw that, but it was just a passage about patronuses - and endless other topics. Heart heavy with the knowledge he now had, Harry went for a walk, aimlessly ending up at the astronomy tower, as he did in every dream he had. It was the first time he had been back in real life since that night.
Harry sat on the edge of the tower, taking out the note from the locket and reading it again, not that he needed to, he knew it by heart now. “I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more… R.A.B… Who are you?” Harry whispered, sighing as he ran a finger over the initials. A tear fell onto the paper, surprising Harry, when did he start crying? But before he could worry about that, the book in his lap started glowing a faint gold. In Harry’s haste to get away from it in case it really was cursed, he stumbled over the edge of the tower and knew that this was it. The last thing he thought as he fell and fell and fell, was ‘R.A.B.’