Work Text:
Weak
Simone
My limbs ache as I try to make it up the stairs to mine and Baz’s room. I think about just forgetting about all the flights of stairs left and sleeping right there on the steps. I don’t imagine it’d be too comfortable, and I’d probably regret it in the morning, but it honestly sounds a lot less like hell than climbing to the top of this tower.
It’s been a while since the Mage has pushed me this hard. Judging by my stomach it’s been several hours since dinner. Hopefully Baz is asleep so I can steal a pack of crisps from her. She probably thinks she’s so sneaky, trying to hide them from me. What she can’t hide, however, is the crumbs that she sweeps onto the floor and the lingering smell of salt and vinegar.
Speaking of food, I really wish I’d pushed harder for the Mage to let me finish dinner before we began my training for the evening. He tends to do that when I’m trying to go about my day. Even on the rare afternoon that I was trying to do my homework with Penny in the library, he dragged me off to train. ‘The Humdrum wouldn’t wait, would it, Simone? You must always be on your guard. It may strike at any moment.’
The more I think about tonight, the worse I begin to feel. Was the staircase always this spinny?
I summon the last of the strength in my muscles and stumble my way up the stairs. Nausea pulls at my stomach with each step I take, the stench of smoke taking over my senses.
He’d be so disappointed if he saw me like this.
This is fine. It’s just some stairs. I’ve climbed these stairs almost every day for the past six years. I can do it again. It’s just some stairs, Simone! Get a grip.
Suddenly I’m pulled from my brain when I fall straight through the door. Baz must’ve left it unlocked. I don’t have time to worry about whether or not she’s awake to see me like this, the nausea comes back ten times worse. My feet rush me to the bathroom and I slam myself onto the floor, retching my guts out into the loo.
Why am I so weak? I’m the Chosen One, I should be able to handle a little bit of exercise. The Chosen One would know how to handle a sword. The Chosen One wouldn’t be puking after climbing some fucking stairs.
I’d spent weeks practising on my own to get that technique right. I did it so good.
‘Nicely done, Simon. Once more, now, and not so sloppy’.
Simon.
The Chosen One wouldn’t be a weak little girl.
Baz’s words ring in my head as I heave over the toilet. ‘The worse Chosen One that’s ever been chosen.’
I hate it when she says that, but she’s right. Baz is always right.
Baz…Baz!
I whip my head around and see her leaning against the bathroom door frame, arms crossed over her chest. Her hair is neatly tucked into a braid, just like it is every night.
‘Alright, Snow?’
Baz
Snow looks like an absolute mess. Her short curls, usually so full of life, are thick with sweat and stick to her forehead. Her breath is coming out in short pants, and her face is flushed red from nausea. Her arms are trembling with the effort of holding herself up. Not to mention the smoke.
‘You look terrible.’
She slumps down, holding herself against the wall. No bumbling retort; something’s definitely wrong.
I let out a huff, making my way over to the bath to start filling it up. I’d seen the Mage waltz into the dining room tonight, and with the look on Snow’s face there was no doubt that she’d be coming back late. Crowley knows what he makes her do on evenings like these; I’ve heard some grumbles about training from Snow, but I don’t know what kind of training would warrant her almost going off in our bathroom.
As I’m fiddling with the water temperature, I feel Simone’s eyes staring at me. ‘What are you plotting?’ she asks. Even when I’m trying to help her, she sounds so suspicious of me. What did I do to deserve falling for this idiot?
‘You’ll feel better once you’ve washed off, idiot. Besides, I can’t stand the thought of you ruining that poor bed with all your bodily fluids. I don’t even think magick would be able to bring it back from that state.’
A beat of silent passes before I allow myself to turn around. She’s keeping her gaze towards the floor, tears glistening across her cheeks. It takes everything within me to keep myself from reaching forward and wiping them away. Surely, she sees it, what the Mage is doing to her. Chosen One or not, no one deserves this.
Before I do or say anything embarrassing, I turn away. ‘I shall leave you be. Enjoy your bath, Snow. Don’t take too long, I would like some sleep tonight,’ I say, before getting up to leave. As I head towards the door, I notice Simone standing on shaking legs and trying to step in the bathtub.
Fully clothed.
‘Crowley, Snow, I shouldn’t have to tell you that typically the clothes come off before you get in the bath,’ I sneer at her. Then she does something that takes me completely by surprise. Snow sits herself on the edge of the tub and raises her arms. I can only assume she’s asking for my help. I doubt she’s even fully aware of what’s going on, she looks so exhausted. Because I can’t help myself, I comply.
I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I slip the shirt off, but the awkwardness I feel is overwhelmed by an unsettling feeling at the sight of Snow’s bruises. They litter her stomach and arms, all a very unpleasant colour.
Next are her joggers. I grab them from the bottom, hoping against all hope that her underwear doesn’t come off with them. Simone seems to be aware enough to help me slide her joggers down her legs.
‘Right then, Snow. Time for your cleansing.’
Simone
Baz is helping me. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’m too tired to think about what she’s plotting. It’ll probably come back to bite me in the ass later on.
I’m still in my underwear when Baz lowers me into the tub. Her grip on me is strong (vampire strength) (she’ll never admit it), but for some reason it makes me feel safe. I feel like a part of me dies when she pulls away and turns to leave the room. ‘Call out when you’re done, I’ll bring your pyjamas so you can get dressed’ she says with that cool tone of hers.
Something bubbles up inside me as Baz goes to walk out the room. I feel so sad and angry and weak and I don’t know why but I grab onto her wrist before she can get too far. The look on her face when she turns to question me is almost enough to make me let go. It sends chills down my spine, but there’s a nagging feeling that tells me that I shouldn’t drop her hand.
‘Please, stay’, I say. ‘I don’t want to be by myself.’ I don’t want you to leave me.
I didn’t think I’d ever be begging Baz Pitch for anything, yet here we are. I expect her to not even think twice about turning around and leaving (she is evil, after all. Why would she do anything I ask her to?), so it doesn’t surprise me when she pulls her hand free from mine.
What does surprise me, however, is when Baz sits on the floor, her back leaning against the tub. I don’t know what to do now, I didn’t really expect us to get to this point, so I have no plan. I decide that all I can do is relax and enjoy the water. Once again, Baz is right. I feel so much better already. My head is starting to feel really heavy, so I lean back and rest my head against the edge of the bath. When I feel my eyes start to close I can hear Baz’s soft voice floating through my mind. ‘Why don’t you hurry and wash yourself properly so we can get to bed.’
Baz
‘Please, stay. I don’t want to be by myself.’
Simone Snow is looking up at me, eyes imploring me to stay because she wants me to stay here, in this bathroom after midnight, with her half naked in a bath. She wants me to stay with her. My heart flutters in my chest and my breath gets caught in my throat. I should turn away, I should just get her a pair of clothes, dump them here and go to bed. But, because I’m weak, I sit down.
Part of me wonders if Snow had a goal when she asked me to stay. If she does have one, it’s not very obvious. She’s just lying in the tub, eyes closed in a way that makes me think that she’s definitely about to fall asleep. Maybe it’s some strange blessing that I stayed; we wouldn’t want our dearest Chosen One drowning, would we?
‘Why don’t you hurry and wash yourself properly so we can get to bed’, I try to say sternly. I pass her the body wash that’s just slightly out of her reach.
The silence in the air isn’t as unbearable as it usually is. Being this close to Snow without any hostility between us makes me feel so warm inside. But as I start to think about the circumstances that led us here, it feels more bittersweet.
I don’t really want to disturb the peace we’ve found, but I know that she needs to understand what the Mage is doing.
‘What happened today, Snow?’
I already know, of course I already know, but I need to hear her say it. I need her to know exactly what happened today. The way he treats her, pushing her so far beyond her breaking point. I know they practice sword fighting, but the harshness of her bruises is inexcusable. I can’t understand why she puts up with him.
If there was any life in Simone’s eyes before, it’s all completely gone now. The tremble in her voice as she begins to speak completely breaks my heart. ‘I was just training with the Mage. Must’ve pushed myself too hard I guess.’
Her answer doesn’t surprise me, but it still makes me sick. It’s pretty late though, and she’s clearly tired, so I decide not to push. Instead, I turn away from her and stare at the wall until I feel a tap on my shoulder.
When I turn around, Snow is biting her lip, eyes drawn to the ground. ‘Could you pass me a towel? Please?’
I’m not ready for this new softness Snow is showing me. My stomach won’t settle, and I’m finding it extremely difficult to tear my eyes away from Snow’s. ‘Of course’, I say, pulling myself away.
After I help Snow out of the bath and sat her down on the edge to change, I wait in our room, trying to avoid my feelings of disappointment that this whole ordeal is almost over. I’ll never be able to experience this side of Simone again. I try not to hope too hard that tonight has changed something between us. Maybe we can learn to tolerate each other, or at the very least stop throwing insults in the hallway.
I’m disrupted from my thoughts when I hear a loud thump.
‘Ouch.’
I turn to see Simone has managed to trip over her own feet and landed face-first on the floor. This is what the World of Mages has decided to put their faith in.
‘You’re an absolute numpty, you do know that, right?’ I tut, picking her up and helping her make the trip to bed.
When Snow is lying under her covers, she turns away from me. ‘You didn’t have to do that’, she mutters. I roll my eyes, leaving to finally go to bed for the night.
Snow doesn’t let me get very far, however, when she reaches for my arm once again. I don’t think I’ll ever wash this arm again.
Simone
I think I’ve gone proper mental, because this is the second time I’ve reached for Baz tonight. Baz is a vampire, she’s a monster, I should be trying to keep my distance from her.
Well, she’s not really, is she? A monster wouldn’t put her roommate to bed after being woken up past midnight.
No, standing in front of me, with her dark circles under her dark tired eyes and her thin body, is just a girl. I’m not entirely sure why it feels like I’m just now noticing, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it.
She’s a girl who’s shown me nothing but kindness tonight. Maybe it’s a plot to get my guard down (never let your guard down, Simone), but I can deal with that later. Earlier Baz asked me for the truth, and it’s the least I can give her. That way, we’ll be even.
Deep breaths. That’s what Penny says when I start to go off. In-hold-out.
‘The Mage called me Simon.’
Baz is looking at me like I’ve grown a second head. She think’s you’re weak. Never show anyone your weaknesses.
‘I was training with the Mage, sword fighting. I’ve been practicing this technique for weeks, and I’d finally got it right.’ I try to fight the tears that I can feel coming back. Pathetic. ‘I finally got it fucking right and he called me Simon and I was so tired and exhausted and I just wanted it to stop.’ The panic is rising from my stomach to my chest. Everything feels so tight, I feel like I’m choking on smoke. I can’t think, I can’t say anything. Air, I need air. Why can’t I-
Baz puts her hand on my shoulder, cutting off my thoughts. ‘Breathe, Simone. It’s okay.’
You’re too weak, Simone. ‘I just wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted it to be enough, just this once, y’know? But then he called me Simon. He called me Simon and made me do it over and over again.’
I finally get the courage to look Baz in the eyes. ‘Do you think if I was a boy, it’d be enough?’
Baz
Words cannot express the hatred I feel right now for the Mage. He goes on about how we should be “progressive” as a Magickal society, one would think he’d jump at the opportunity of having a female Chosen Once. The Old Families would have a field day with this.
I’m not entirely sure what to say, so I put my hand in her hair, petting her soft curls. ‘Well done, Simone. You must’ve worked very hard.’
Simone
She called me Simone.
Baz
I draw myself away from Snow, as painful as it is, and turn to go to bed.
‘If only you’d put that much effort into your school work.’
I sneer at Snow, hardly containing my laugh as I feel a pillow hitting the back of my head. This feels more familiar, more comfortable. I turn off the lights and lay down in bed. When I close my eyes I hope against all hope that something remains when I open them again.
‘Thank you, Baz’, I hear Snow whisper. I’m not sure if she means for me to hear, so I don’t respond, turning away from her and facing the wall.
Any time you need, Simone.