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Walking off the battlefield was surreal.
Well, Izuku didn’t really walk off but was carried to safety after the fighting died down. Shouto was carrying him back in his arms at an unsteady pace, sometimes running with him, slowing down when he winced, and staying at a walk until he started to run again. Izuku couldn’t help but keep his eyes on him, trying desperately to read whatever expression was on his face.
But he couldn’t. Shouto was so far away and so distant from where they were together. He was gone. But of course Izuku would reach out to him. Everything hurt, his voice scraped painfully as he spoke, and he barely felt conscious enough to speak, but he did.
“Are you okay?”
There were no words. Izuku didn’t mind. He didn’t expect an answer.
Eventually they reached the safezone, where medics and heroes were set up. Izuku briefly caught sight of Tokoyami pacing anxiously out of the way of others, and of his friends arriving, gasping and pointing towards him and Shouto. He didn’t have much strength, but he gave them a weak smile.
He was transferred from Shouto’s arms to a cot in a tent, where strangers rushed in to stop his bleeding and assess the damage. All of them gave Shouto sad, pitying glances before turning to Izuku. Outside, he could hear his classmates clamoring to comfort Shouto, but he walked away. He could barely see him past the people crowding him, but he knew Shouto walked the same way as he did when he brought him to safety.
Numb, unbelieving, silent.
Izuku cried for him as he felt exhaustion seep in, letting whatever medicine they injected into him carry him into unconsciousness.
Izuku woke up in dull pain. He was covered in bandages and vaguely aware of all the medication he was probably on. But he immediately noticed red and white hair next to him.
“Shouto,” he rasped. He tried to sit up but hissed, laying back down. Shouto sat on the ground next to his bed quietly, faced away from him, looking off at the entrance to their area.
Shouto was always a very quiet person, but this wasn’t his usual reserved quiet. It was mourning.
“Shouto,” Izuku tried again. “I…”
He wanted to ask him so much. Are you okay? Can I do anything for you? Did you get patched up? Are you okay? What did the class say? Have you heard from your family? What did they say? Are you okay?
He knew he wasn’t. He was so far from it. Shouto would never ever be the same after this. The road to recovering from this would be long and would go on for who knows how long. He would carry it for his whole life, watching his long-lost brother reveal himself as a villain, a murderer, someone on the other side of the fight. Someone who had wanted him dead at the small age of five, despite Shouto grieving for him since he’d disappeared.
There would never be anything Izuku could say to heal this.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered brokenly.
Shouto finally made a sound. A stuttering sigh.
“Everyone keeps saying that.” God, he sounded so small. “Everyone keeps telling me they’re sorry.”
Izuku couldn’t see much of his face as he looked down, just a little bit of his burn scar running down his face.
“What are they sorry for? They didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t cause this.”
He paused. Like it was too heavy for him to say it at once. Izuku desperately wanted to bear the load for him.
“I did.”
“No, no,” Izuku said, insisting as much as he could. “Shouto, no, this isn’t your fault. None of this is ever your fault.”
“He said so himself,” Shouto continued. “He said he wanted me dead. He said I’m the reason why he left, because I drove my family apart.”
“Shouto, please, don’t put this on yourself,” Izuku sobbed, “please.”
“My family could have been happy if Touya stayed. If I hadn’t been born.”
Izuku finally crawled from his position, ignoring the searing pain, and rested his head on Shouto’s left shoulder. His splinted and casted arms carefully wrapped around his neck as he sobbed into the torn, blue hero costume, the bandages around his forehead coming partly loose as he slipped into a secure position.
“I love you more than anything, Shouto,” he hiccuped, feeling his tears drip off his nose and freckled cheeks. “I don’t know where I’d be if you weren’t here with me. Please. Please don’t ever say something like that again.”
He felt tears fall onto his arms, from Shouto.
“I…”
Shouto’s shoulders fell and rose unevenly. He let out a strained choke.
“You can cry too, Shouto,” Izuku sniffled. “You deserve a good cry the most after everything.”
And Shouto let it all out.
He screamed. Loud.
It was wordless, but packed with emotions. He shrieked and cried until it shredded his throat. It was close to Izuku’s ears, but he didn’t say a thing. He let Shouto wail like a kid, wreck his vocal cords, let him pour all the pain out. It was cathartic and painful, but it was good. Shouto’s yelling hitched with ripping sobs and streaming tears, and he didn’t once try to stop it. His arms were stuck to his sides, Izuku’s own cries were almost encouraging him to go on. The emotional agony tore him up inside, too much to keep bottled up. He leaned against Izuku, hopelessly trying to ease it away. All Izuku could do was hold up with the weight.
People from outside came rushing in, worried, but stopped upon seeing Shouto on the floor, screaming and crying with Izuku in the cot. No one had the heart to ask for them to stop, for Izuku to get back into bed, for Shouto to leave him alone. They couldn’t. So those who saw the scene urged others away, saying the situation wasn’t worth watching. They just brought the two water, rolling the bottles to Shouto’s boots as he continued to scream.
Eventually Shouto quieted down. He breathed in and out as deeply as he could, evening out after… a long time. He took one of the three water bottles and eagerly drank it down, soothing his raw throat. Izuku still held on, soft and quiet sobs still running through him. Shouto leaned against him again, exhaustion creeping into him.
“Izuku,” he whispered, voice scraping out.
“Yes?”
“Promise me,” he started, turning to look at Izuku with clear, aching eyes. “Promise me you’ll never lie to me.”
Oh god. Oh god. Izuku felt like his heart was in the back of his throat, his eyes stinging. He couldn’t stay quiet. He couldn’t promise. He couldn’t lie.
“I…” Izuku gulped, forcing back more tears. “I’ll need to tell you something later. Something I never should’ve kept from you.”
Blue and gray eyes clouded over again and he turned away. Not even a word of confirmation, not even a nod. Izuku felt like he was splitting apart. They didn’t say anything else. Eventually Shouto was taken outside of the tent as medics checked Izuku’s injuries again, and he didn’t come back the entire time they were at the safezone.
———
Eventually, everyone went home. Izuku went to his mother, who cried and cried when he came home (and he cried too), Shouto to… Izuku wasn’t sure. He didn’t know if Shouto would ever go back to the Todoroki home, not after what happened. He wasn’t responding to his texts either. He was silent, and Izuku’s anxiety only heightened.
Every day, his friends were sending him messages and little texts to cheer him up however they could.
Uraraka: hi deku!! i know this has been really tough on you but we’re all here for you during this <:] we haven’t heard from todo yet but when we do we’ll tell you first!! you’re gonna be okay!! next time we see you youre gonna get hella hugged!!!! love you so much Izu, be kind to yourself <3
Iida: Midoriya, I’m hoping you’re enjoying time with your mother! Spending time with loved ones can definitely relieve stress and help recharge yourself. Don’t stress yourself too much while you’re at home. We’re all proud of you for how well you fought, and we’re keeping you and Todoroki in mind during break. We love you both very much.
Tsu: i know i’m not the closest of your friends but i hope you’re taking care of yourself well while everyone’s home! i know you said the animal pictures have been helping you relax, but let me know if you’d rather me stop sending them. you went through a lot out there and everyone has been so excited to see you and todoroki again, whenever we can all see each other again. love you guys!
Every day, Izuku looked at his messages, and spent an achingly long time looking at the last few messages he had with Shouto.
Izuku: do you think you're ready? big fightin time!!!
Shouto: ready as I’ll ever be
Izuku: we’ll get out of this together <3
Shouto: I know
Every day, it tore him up.
“Izuku? Are you okay?”
He looked up from his phone and to his mother, who was looking at him with concern. He realized he was crying and wiped away his tears.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just… worrying.”
She put her arms around him in a wordless hug and he smiled. She’d begun to do that more often — sudden but very welcomed hugs. They reminded him of when he was a kid. They were warm and encompassing, like he was a toddler again, swept up by his mother as she smiled bright. His chest felt tight with nostalgia.
She drew back and went back to making dinner, though occasionally glanced back to her son on the couch.
“How long have you been on your phone, Izuku?”
“About ten minutes. I’m gonna be off soon though.”
Another thing she’d started: restricted phone time. It wasn’t something Izuku was against, he was actually very grateful for it. He was only allowed a little bit of time on his phone every day, and it was only to check his texts and see if there were any updates from school. He wasn’t on the internet, wasn’t on the news, nothing. It was a mental health thing, and he actually found that his anxiety wasn’t as bad as it probably would be if he were reading articles and scrolling through forums.
Still, he worried constantly for his Shouto.
It’d been about three weeks since he’d seen him. Since he’d cried with him. Even if it was painful for both of them, Izuku wished he could be back in that vulnerable moment with him. He missed him constantly and wanted him back more than anything. He’d be able to rest easy once he knew where he was.
As if the world was pitying him, there was a knock on the door.
His mother looked from her son to the door, silently asking him to move out of sight of the entrance. He moved to sit in the kitchen, tending to the food on the stove as she opened the door.
“Can I help…?” Her question died out in her voice.
“Is Izuku home?”
Before his mother could call him to the front, he stumbled over in a hurried flash of green.
And it was him. Shouto. Standing in his doorway.
“Shou?”
Inko looked between the two boys before discretely stepping back to the meal.
Shouto looked exhausted. His hair was a bit of a mess, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his perfect posture faltered. It broke Izuku’s heart, but he was also just happy to see him in one piece.
Meanwhile, Shouto was looking up and down at the bandages and casts Izuku was in. The shorter felt a little self conscious with all the healing he had to do, but he didn’t mind too much — not enough to push Shouto away.
“Do you wanna come inside?” He barely got his words out in a comprehensive sentence, but Shouto, ever familiar with Izuku’s nervous habits, nodded before he could even finish. He kicked off his shoes and the two immediately went to Izuku’s room.
He wasn’t sure where to start, or if he should at all. He wanted to ask so much, to explain himself, try to mend them back together, but he couldn’t push Shouto. So he sat in silence, the two of them sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting for Shouto to start at his own pace.
“I’ve turned my phone off completely since we left the safezone,” he started. “All there was on it was news about… everything.”
Izuku nodded. “My mom has started limiting my phone time and keeps me to using only a few apps. Just to help with anxiety and stuff.” He gathered the courage to make eye contact.
“Our classmates are really worried about you. I’ve gotten a lot of messages from them saying they love you.”
“You can tell them I’m doing okay. I’m not around my father anymore, which has helped.”
Izuku perked up. “You’re not? Are you living with your mother?”
He nodded. “My siblings and I have been accommodated in the hospital, and we’re sort of just… staying there with her. It’s nice.”
Izuku offered a smile, testing the waters by subtly prodding at Shouto’s hand. When there was no resistance, he went on to intertwine their fingers. His bandaged hand and casted forearm looked bulky against Shouto’s bandaid-ed skin. “That’s really great, Shouto.”
There wasn’t the usual acknowledging squeeze back, which definitely stung, but Izuku wasn’t angry.
“I owe you that talk I promised back then.”
“Yes.”
Izuku sighed, trying to find something to focus on. His eyes landed on their hands between them. His crooked fingers held tightly to Shouto’s warm left, which didn’t grasp at all.
“I just… need to start off by telling you that I never wanted to lie to you, and I never want to again. Okay?”
When Shouto didn’t respond, Izuku breathed in deeply.
“I was born Quirkless,” he confessed, “and I didn’t get mine until I was fifteen, months before the UA entrance exam.”
Shouto suddenly stood straighter, interested, and Izuku felt relieved.
“I was given a Quirk called One For All from All Might, a power passed on by other heroes before me and cultivated by them. So it has a bunch of other Quirks that I’m still learning about.”
“You… what?”
Izuku let out a light laugh, still edged with anxiety. He told Shouto about the training before the exam, his ongoing training to handle his Quirk, and about the ones he knew the most about. All the work he’d put into preparing himself for it, the countless broken bones and joints, retelling their fight with the newfound knowledge of his power, the other battles he’d had and how he’d worked with and against his Quirk. He spared no detail, laid everything out before him as carefully as he could.
“…and when you asked if I had multiple Quirks, it… hurt. I never wanted to lie to you. I couldn’t tell you then, not when I barely understood it myself, not when I’d promised All Might I wouldn’t tell anyone. I’ve always planned on telling you all of this, Shouto. I’d never meant to keep it from you forever. I love you so much, and you’re everything to me. I want you to be on this journey with me as I figure it all out.”
Shouto was staring at the floor, processing. Izuku’s face creased with worry and turned towards Shouto’s.
“If you want some time to think about all this, you can. You can leave or I can just give you some time in here or…”
The hand in his finally moved, tracing circles along his knuckles. Izuku felt a hopeful leap in his chest.
“You’ve never been like the others, have you?”
“The others?”
“The whole world. Other people.”
Izuku’s expression asked for more of an explanation. Shouto obliged.
“You’re nothing like other people I’ve met. People who hurt me. People who lie. People who treat me differently because of my scar or my father. You’ve never hated me, have you?”
“No,” Izuku answered quickly. “No, Shou, I’d never hate you. I didn’t ever want to keep this from you.”
His mangled hand was finally squeezed by a familiar, soft warm one. Tears pricked at his eyes.
“I understand,” Shouto said quietly, his own voice breaking with emotion.
Izuku gave him the brightest smile he could muster with tears rolling down his freckled cheeks, and wrapped his arms around Shouto in a tight hug. And Shouto returned it with a deep breath.
“I didn’t like being upset at you,” Shouto whispered into his shoulder. “I didn’t want to be upset, but I felt like I had to be.”
“It’s okay,” Izuku assured him, petting his hair and combing it back to smooth strands with his fingers.
They sat together on the edge of Izuku’s bed in a teary hug for a little while, warm and wholehearted, before Izuku’s mother knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Izuku sniffled, still holding onto Shouto.
His mother came in with a polite smile.
“Oh, should I go? I don’t want to interrupt anything,” she said, looking from Izuku’s tear-stained face and Shouto burying his face into Izuku’s neck.
“Ah, no, it’s okay! Do you need me for something?”
“Lunch is ready, but I only made enough for two people… would Todoroki like something?”
Shouto shook his head, not lifting it from its place in the connection of Izuku’s neck and shoulder. “I’ll be leaving soon. I just wanted to talk to Izuku in person real quick. I have to get back to my family soon.”
Inko nodded with a soft smile. “Of course! I’ll start setting up lunch, okay?”
He gave a small thumbs up and she closed the door with a little wave. Izuku turned his attention back to Shouto.
“You’re gonna leave soon?”
“Yeah.” He pulled away but kept his arms around his boyfriend. “I wanna be back with my mother and siblings. I can try to visit again soon.”
“I’d like that,” Izuku said, “but I think your family should come first right now. Yeah?”
Shouto silently agreed, but looked a little disheartened. Izuku’s heart was struck with a pang of sadness.
“Hold on,” he said eagerly, slowly stepping away from Shouto and towards his closet.
He came back with a pair of walkie talkies, handing one to Shouto. He pressed down on the side button and talked into it.
“I bought these a while back to test out ideas with my costume,” he said, his voice echoing on Shouto’s walkie talkie. “But I didn’t get much of a chance to with… everything.”
“So you want to keep in contact with these?”
“Yes,” Izuku beamed eagerly, “if you’d like.”
Shouto’s lips quirked up in the slightest impression of a grin. “I would.”
Izuku gave him a kiss on the cheek before leading him back to the front door of the apartment.
“I’m glad you came over. I love you, Shouto.”
“I love you too,” he said, looking down at the floor. “Thank you for explaining everything.”
“Thank you for giving me the chance,” Izuku murmured, giving him one more hug. Shouto just barely chuckled, holding onto the back of Izuku’s shirt.
“I’ll talk to you later,” he said, holding up his new walkie talkie.
“Whenever you want!” Izuku tried not to bounce too noticeably. But Shouto’s fond look told him he wasn’t doing a very good job.
“Love you.” And Shouto left. Izuku was aware of how much he already missed him again, but it wasn’t the gnawing anxiety and guilt as it had been for the past few weeks. It was the familiar longing and excitement that stirred when they were apart at school or home.
“Izuku, lunch!”
He sat down with his mother and dug into his food with a smile lingering on his face.
———
“ Izuku? ”
…
“ It’s okay if you’re asleep. ”
…
“ Just… god. ”
…?
“ I’m so scared. ”
…When Izuku recognized Shouto’s voice through the grainy speakers, he shot up from bed, grabbing his talkie from his bedside table.
“Shouto? Are you okay?”
“ I don’t know .” His voice was quiet, and he guessed he was trying not to wake up his family or the other people in the hospital.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“ I keep having nightmares. About everything. ”
“Anything specific?”
“ It’s… I… ”
“You don’t have to, Shou. I won’t push you.”
“ I wish it’d never happened, ” Shouto said in quiet, choked sobs.
“I know. I’m so sorry, Shouto. But I’m here for you, okay?”
“ I miss hugging you, ” he whimpered.
“I miss it too. Do you want me to head over? I could hop to the hospital.”
Shouto’s small laugh was watery through the static. “ I don’t think they’d let you. Even if I said so. They’re really worried about my mother. ”
“Do you have a pillow you can hug?”
He heard a few distorted little noises before Shouto said, “ Yes. ”
“You’re gonna be okay, Shou. I’ve got you. I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”
“ Thank you, Izuku. ”
“ Shouto? Are you okay? ”
Suddenly Shouto’s end went quiet. Izuku knew it was probably his family that had interrupted, but he still felt a twinge of anxiety at his thoughts.
He’s okay. And if he isn’t, he’ll call again.
He stayed up for ten minutes before deciding to try to fall back asleep. And thirteen minutes after the hang up, Izuku drifted back into unconsciousness.
“Good morning, Shou. If you’re hearing this, I’m so sorry I fell asleep last night, but I hope you’re doing better. I love you.”
He sat on his bed, looking at the talkie in his hands, touching at the little details like the ridges and the antenna while he waited for Shouto. When he didn’t respond after eight minutes, he tucked it into his sweatpants pockets and sat at his desk, working on his hero notes.
Eventually, there was a crackle.
“ Hey! ” said a non-Shouto voice. He fished his walkie from his pajamas and clicked the side button.
“Hello?”
There was a brief rustling.
“ I love you too and, yes, I’m doing better, ” came Shouto, “ Sorry, Natsuo found my walkie talkie. ”
“Oh! That’s fine! Tell them I said hi!”
“ Izuku says hi ,” he said, almost shyly. Three distinct voices came out of the background simultaneously.
“ Hi! ”
“ Heya, Izuku! ”
“ Hello. ”
He heard Shouto chuckle warmly on the other end.
“ I told them about our walkie talkies last night. And now they’re all excited. ”
“I’m glad,” Izuku said brightly, “I’m really glad to hear you’re all happy about something.”
“ Yeah, ” he hummed. “ It’s nice seeing mom smile, and my siblings too. It’s been tough but… it just seems brighter.
“ You always make things brighter. ” Izuku turned bright red and squeaked.
“ Shouto’s such a sap! ”
“ Natsuo… ” Shouto grumbled lightheartedly. He heard his brother snickering faintly through channel noise.
“I-I could visit at some point if they’d like!”
“ I think that’d be nice. They’ve been asking a lot about you today. ”
“Should I ask my mom if I can visit?”
“ Sure. I’ll let the staff know you’ll be coming over. ”
“Alright! I can’t wait to meet them all. I know how much they mean to you.”
“ Yeah, ” Shouto breathed. “ It’s been… a lot for all of us. ” The quieting background chatter had Izuku guessing he moved to a different room.
“You’re all okay though?”
“ As okay as we can be, I think, ” he murmured. “ We’re all really torn up about… everything. But we’re getting by. It helps to be disconnected from everything and to just have each other. And it’s been helping to have you. The past two weeks have been a lot better with you in it. ”
Izuku smiled. “I’m happy to hear that… and I’m really proud of you all.”
“ Thank you for being so careful with me during all this, Izuku. I love you so much. ”
“I love you too, Shouto. Always.”
There was a calling on Shouto’s end, to which the boy laughed softly. Izuku secretly swooned at the sound, even if its quality was poor.
“ They’re asking me to come back. Probably gonna pick on me some more. ”
Izuku giggled. “They can pick on both of us once I get there.”
“ Hurry up and save me, ” Shouto said with an audible grin.
“I’ll be over soon.”
“ Good. ”
“I love you with everything I am, Shou.”
“ I love you too, Izu. You’re my whole world. Thank you again. ”
Izuku breathed easy. Shouto did too.